Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

any of you guys have any general advice for things to do to help with both social anxiety and depression? getting help is ehh, don't really want that. been going to a shrink for almost a full year and been on prozac for almost the same amount, not helping. I want to stop taking medication and stop going to a shrink for my problems. I don't want to be one of "those" guys who are reliant on anti depressants and professional help to function. I've become terrible at taking my prozac. I think I've only taken two pills all week (two pills a day), hard to tell really. lost track. I've kinda been the guy who've said "I don't need help" all my life, but I realized I probably need to seriously do something about this now. I get too many situations where I'm utterly convinced that people hate me for no apparent reason. I even thought that about my closest friend two days ago, I thought he hated me even though he had shown no real signs of it. I can't take being bashed on the internet or talking to people with a slight negative undertone in their writing. a dumb rating alone is enough to make me feel uneasy and anxious, and feeling hated. even worse if people actually reply with their opinion/thoughts and say it in a hostile manner (at least how I perceive it). simply put, I want to be able to defend my opinions and things I do without backpedaling the second I get negative response to it. I want to be able to think normally and not think that people hate me just over one little thing. I don't want to be obsessed with other people, and think I bring nothing to the table the second they speak with someone else. so what can be done? as I said, I'd prefer to not get any help. I want to pull through myself

I keep forgetting to take my medication sometimes so I become a bit more sensitive. I used to take my medication in the evening but now it's in the morning. I legitimately vomited a little and laughed in disgust when I saw some nasty image when I should've said "ew wtf" and nothing else. How can I remove this bad habit of missing dosses?

Still having trouble getting my emotions under control since my encephalitis. I'll be watching something sad on the news or listening to an emotional piece of music and I'll start going on the verge of crying. I mean, it's nice that I can sorta feel those emotions again after years of being pretty emotionally dead, but I prefer it when I can actually control them rather than them controlling me. But as a minor win, I'm finally pinning down how to get my creative thoughts back (along with some of my motivation). I feel like I'm making some decent progress for once. Thanks everyone for the help before I forget. Y'all guys are inspirational. Keep fighting.

I've sort of been lurking facepunch for two years now and I figured its about time I came out of my shell. I've had ongoing issues these past two years and the situation has improved a lot just recently. Problem is I don't feel any better. The anxiety has gotten a lot better and I'd like to say the same for depression, but something's missing and I can't quite put my finger on it. I feel very detached and apathetic, even though everything is, for the most part finally over.

I've already posted here once. After some reply reading, I've tried to improve myself, become social, get some real friends. I've tried my best, or at least I'm sure I did, and it looked like I was making progress. People actually started discussing stuff with me, even in school, my classmates actually remembered that I exist. And then everything broke down. All became worse than before, no one is talking to me anymore, not even on Steam, probably because people have better things to do than talk to such trash like me. I have participated in a music Olympiad, at which I was at first doing good, but then I broke down and completely humiliated myself and lost. I had genuine faith in myself, I thought I could have proven to at least some people that I am actually useful in my life for something, but no. I've tried asking for advice, trying to be friendly and even offer monetary value for help, but no one helped me at all, no one even replied to me, and here I am again, posting in an Internet forum thread, being a whiny fucking idiot and making a complete idiot out of myself. I've already posted about this, but I just can't stop feeling that I am such a fucking imbecile for posting minor stuff. Heck, I question every single fucking thing I do in my life, because everything I do causes negativeness. I know someone is gonna reply to me, telling me to only look at the positives in my life. Well guess what, there is completely NOTHING positive about me and my life. Nothing. There are examples of people who try to make up positive stuff about me, but guess what. I can completely deny every single "positive lie" people say about me, with actual proof. Okay, I'm done ranting. Hope you guys had a good laugh. I should seriously write comedies, I am the best fucking laughter material anyone has ever seen, only because of how moronic I am.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;44088734]So, yeah. My benefits may be stopped this year, and the only person who works in the household, they may not have a job any more this year as well. And I'm now scared shitless and having images of being homeless and dying in the streets flashing up in my head. I know nothing about independant living and I know for sure the council will not help us if we do end up homeless. It's also impossible to get a job here. Awesome.[/QUOTE] If it ain't too rude of me, may I ask why you think your benefits might get stopped?

[QUOTE=KandyMan;44105733]Rant...[/QUOTE] The only advice I can give is to abandon yourself. Forget the old you, and try to start over without the constant fair of failure. I did that, and I'm doing better atleast so might be worth a try?

There's this girl who was a year below me back when I was in high school. I became overly infatuated with her, and, due to that mistake, a relationship is just not happening. I did manage to go to prom with her last year, though. So I guess I should be grateful for that. We're still good friends, but limerence keeps popping up, and the stress and anxiety it's causing are really fucking me up. It's led to a horrible Facebook addiction that's really causing me pain when I don't get my fix. She's still in high school, and she's going to prom again. Again, I should be grateful that I got the chance to go with her last year, but seeing pictures pop up of her trying out dresses is just killing me. It just causes a whole loop of self-centered anger. Its fucking over. Drop it. Grow up, you fuck. I'm fucking better than this. But killing the Facebook addiction is just easier said than done. It doesn't help that I'm stuck in this fucking house all day. I want a job. I want to fucking MOVE FORWARD. I know my parents are trying like hell to get my license, but I'm so sick of my basement, and so sick of relying on other people. When prom rolls around, I don't want to be in that fucking basement. I'll go to a fucking Walmart all night, or the mall, or a fucking McDonald's. Anything that isn't another night of staring at my computer feeling bad for myself. Please.

so my mother just came in telling me that she applied for a benefit because I've been struggling so much during my life. the weird part is that apparently the money belongs to her. the money goes straight to my account, then for some reason it's gonna be transferred to her account. not sure whats this about, but I asked why and she came up with some weird gibberish by the sound of it. makes me really suspicious and makes me think she might be taking my benefit money? could someone fill me in?

[QUOTE=PredGD;44112890]so my mother just came in telling me that she applied for a benefit because I've been struggling so much during my life. the weird part is that apparently the money belongs to her. the money goes straight to my account, then for some reason it's gonna be transferred to her account. not sure whats this about, but I asked why and she came up with some weird gibberish by the sound of it. makes me really suspicious and makes me think she might be taking my benefit money? could someone fill me in?[/QUOTE] That reminds me of something which is somewhat related to your post. Is child benefit for the parents, or for the child(ren)? Only my mum kept her child benefits for herself when me and my brother were children, never gave us a penny, and yet people around us kept saying that the money actually belonged to us :/ Pretty confusing.

[QUOTE=KandyMan;44105733]I've already posted here once. After some reply reading, I've tried to improve myself, become social, get some real friends. I've tried my best, or at least I'm sure I did, and it looked like I was making progress. People actually started discussing stuff with me, even in school, my classmates actually remembered that I exist. And then everything broke down. All became worse than before, no one is talking to me anymore, not even on Steam, probably because people have better things to do than talk to such trash like me. I have participated in a music Olympiad, at which I was at first doing good, but then I broke down and completely humiliated myself and lost. I had genuine faith in myself, I thought I could have proven to at least some people that I am actually useful in my life for something, but no. I've tried asking for advice, trying to be friendly and even offer monetary value for help, but no one helped me at all, no one even replied to me, and here I am again, posting in an Internet forum thread, being a whiny fucking idiot and making a complete idiot out of myself. I've already posted about this, but I just can't stop feeling that I am such a fucking imbecile for posting minor stuff. Heck, I question every single fucking thing I do in my life, because everything I do causes negativeness. I know someone is gonna reply to me, telling me to only look at the positives in my life. Well guess what, there is completely NOTHING positive about me and my life. Nothing. There are examples of people who try to make up positive stuff about me, but guess what. I can completely deny every single "positive lie" people say about me, with actual proof. Okay, I'm done ranting. Hope you guys had a good laugh. I should seriously write comedies, I am the best fucking laughter material anyone has ever seen, only because of how moronic I am.[/QUOTE] Didn't writing all of this make you feel a bit more... better? Venting out always helps. I kind of wanted to add you on Steam, but you seem to have your account on private mode. I wanted to simply talk to you :/

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;44113417]That reminds me of something which is somewhat related to your post. Is child benefit for the parents, or for the child(ren)? Only my mum kept her child benefits for herself when me and my brother were children, never gave us a penny, and yet people around us kept saying that the money actually belonged to us :/ Pretty confusing.[/QUOTE] Ostensibly Child Benefit is for the benefit of the child, albeit indirectly, so you might not have been directly paid or gotten a penny, but overall it's gone towards helping towards your upkeep as a child.

[QUOTE=Antivirus_404;44114368]Didn't writing all of this make you feel a bit more... better? Venting out always helps. I kind of wanted to add you on Steam, but you seem to have your account on private mode. I wanted to simply talk to you :/[/QUOTE] Sorry, my account was set to be viewable only by people logged in on Steam. Feel free to add me, if you really feel like wasting your time on someone like me.

I need to talk to somebody, can any one of you guys add me on steam?

I absolutely hate everyone. I'm so sick of it. I don't have the drive to live anymore and the only reason I'm still here is because I'm terrified of disappointing people by committing suicide. cocks.

No. Fuck this. I'm so fucking done. The entire fucking world is against me. All these people who I thought could be trusted, completely everyone out there want to ruin my life. I can't talk to anyone with normal sentences anymore, I can't do anything else than just sleep and cry all the fucking time. Even that Antivirus_404 guy, I bet my fucking head he just wants to point his finger at me and make fun of me, of my disgusting fucking existence. You, and everyone, go ahead. Go right ahead. I don't fucking care, I actually enjoy seeing people help me dig deeper into my own shithole. I am afraid to even go to fucking school, every single person I see, I'm afraid that he's gonna stick out a knife and stab me, or just directly punch me into a permanent knockout. How I previously whined about people not talking to me, fuck that shit. I don't need anyone to fucking talk to me, I don't want anyone to even know I fucking exist. Who even needs fucking friends, or people to love. That shit is so fucking overrated. All people fucking talk nowadays is about their "blooming relationships with their girlfriends, how happy they are together, how they spend time together and talk". Seeing people being happy fucking disgusts me. Every single person, who fucking smiles, I just want to end him. Just fucking end him. And myself too. That would be fun. I like venting out like this, there's so much material for people to use to further destroy me mentally. I know I'm a fucking idiot, as I mentioned earlier, but I really want someone to come and completely ruin my life, or at least what's left of it, just like someone almost managed to do it in summer. You're all nice people, right? Nobody I asked wanted to help me end the pain, so I hope one of you will be nice enough to help.

I've been stuck in some sort of mania for the last few days. I don't have any power to convince myself I'm not a waste of space so it's probably going to keep growing. But I've come to the point where I don't really care anymore. My anxiety is also growing, I'm scared shitless because I'm having piano lessons and I haven't had time to practise for a week. Scared that my teacher is going to get mad, scared that I might break, because I'm so fucking vulnerable at this point. I wished nobody cared about me, because I'm too afraid to commit suicide, because my parents and brothers are going to be sad. I'm so tired, I just wanna sleep for a few days, so I'm rested and maybe feeling a little better about myself

Ever since my girlfriend broke up with me (it's a long story) a few weeks back it's been really rough on me. I was so obsessed with her, I honestly felt this was the girl I was gonna marry in a few years. I thought I would have gotten over it by now, but no. With each day it keeps getting worse, sleeping has become harder and I just can't stop thinking about her. In one last ditch effort to try get through to her I've decided to cover the song that she at one point labeled "Our Song". If this doesn't work though, I dunno what I'll do with myself.

I'm going to post something I posted in "shit that gets you mad". Fuck it. So I've been studying hard as fuck for like 3 days straight. My art history class only has three grades in it, 2 tests and a paper. Essentially if you fail one you fail the class. Well I'm about to fail the class, the test is in 11 hours, it's 3:00am, I need sleep, and I am fucking stuck. Nothing is sticking, I can't remember half of this shit. I've been drilling myself over and over and fucking over. It's not working. I'm going to fail this class and be shoved back into academic probation. I have never been this stressed for this long before. I've passed the point of crying, I'm just unbelievably depressed now. This class is goddamn horrible. Art is about the emotion behind a piece, what the artist's message is. This class has none of that. It's dead. It's pure memorization. I'm expected to memorize the genre, artist, name, and general info about 55 works. Then I have to know about 50 of these terms and movements. That is around 270 things I just have to memorize. There is no understanding of concepts, there isn't anything but just fucking memorization. I can't do this. I'm going to fail like I always fucking do. It can't be this hard for everyone else, it just can't be. Why am I just a goddamn failure [editline]4th March 2014[/editline] You know, I even fail at what I want to do in life. How pathetic is that? I just want to make people happy. That's all I want. I want to make people smile and all that stuff. I can't even do that. I try to cheer people up and they push me away. I try to tell funny stories and make others laugh or entertain them but I just get laughed at instead. Fuck I'm even just taking money from my parents because I keep fucking up college. They'll never be proud of me. Nothing I do ever fucking works. That's what I do. I'm Kat the failure. Here I go fucking everything up! I shouldn't be this way, I have tons of friends and things and parents who love me. I'm not poor or anything. Life is honestly fucking great when I really think about it. I should be happy. Why am I the way that I am? Why do I hate myself? Answering that is just another thing I'm going to fail at. What's the point

Would this be the right place to ask about ADHD?

[QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;44133919]Would this be the right place to ask about ADHD?[/QUOTE] Sure.

[QUOTE=T.F.W.O.;44133919]Would this be the right place to ask about ADHD?[/QUOTE] I have ADD, but ADHD would be outside my understanding I assume.

I need some advice, friends. I may have posted about this in here before and forgot, but things have sort of gotten worse for me, a lot worse. In short, I live with my heavily religious grandmother and I'm transgender and currently suffering from horrid depression. She degrades me verbally every day, comparing me to my mother (who was a methamphetamine addict) and calling me worthless and all of that kind of stuff. I've recently met a fellow trans friend who's improved my life in so many ways, but I'm also now feeling such a conflicting whirlwind of emotions that I've turned to unhealthy ways of managing it-- self-harming... I didn't ever intend to start. I saw it as a childish thing to do, but here I am, doing it myself. It's like, for a brief time after I do it, there's nothing else on my mind but the throbbing. No anxiety, no worries about upsetting anyone, no worries about my future. Then the feelings slowly start to creep back in. My heart begins to race as I get the sudden urge to repeat the process. I know that I'm very fucked in the head at this point. My mood just swings up and down as if I've got some kind of disorder, but I can't go to therapy or get any help because that'd require telling my grandma, and that's the last thing I want to do right now. Why do I do this? It's like... I guess I feel that I'm not being a good enough friend to my new friend? He's done so much for me and I feel like I can't possibly repay his kindness. I hate myself for being so anxious in regards to him. He deserves someone there for him that's capable of a lot more than what I'm capable of, so I guess this is my way of punishing myself for that. Ever since I started doing it, I feel more calm? I don't know if that's the right wording. I don't know quite how to word what I feel. It's a fucked up coping mechanism and a dastardly crutch that's going to only damage me further, but I don't know if I want to stop. A lot of people may see it as a sign of being an attention whore or something, but I swear it's not that, I'm even hiding the scars from everyone. I don't want attention, I just want this anxiety to go away and let me live a normal life. I feel like if I don't cope in this way, I will turn to self-medication with opiates or something like that, something far worse than simple cutting. I don't feel alone anymore now that I've got this friend, but I still feel like a useless fuckwit. Sorry for ranting, I tend to do that. I just want to get out of this place. I don't know if I can keep living this double life the way I am. It's very taxing.

decided to quit prozac completely. I haven't been good at taking them in the first place so figured it was better to just quit. wondering though, would you guys consider this a step backwards rather than forwards?

[QUOTE=PredGD;44161399]decided to quit prozac completely. I haven't been good at taking them in the first place so figured it was better to just quit. wondering though, would you guys consider this a step backwards rather than forwards?[/QUOTE] I stopped mine because they stopped working for me. I would not recommend going cold turkey though (which is what I did). Wean yourself off them over a week or two. Going off anti-depressants wouldn't be going backwards. You wouldn't want to be on them for the rest of your life in the first place, rather you'd be working towards improving your mental state to the point you don't need them anymore. There's tons of other options, anti-depressants are just one of many.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;44169563]I stopped mine because they stopped working for me. I would not recommend going cold turkey though (which is what I did). Wean yourself off them over a week or two. Going off anti-depressants wouldn't be going backwards. You wouldn't want to be on them for the rest of your life in the first place, rather you'd be working towards improving your mental state to the point you don't need them anymore. There's tons of other options, anti-depressants are just one of many.[/QUOTE] was probably a bad idea to suddenly stop as I've actually done. been feeling really nauseous the past weeks, restless, irritated etc. think I'll keep going like this though, since I can manage even though it's uncomfortable. and yeah, glad I'm not the only one thinking that. don't want to end up as one of those who end up relying on their anti depressants to work as a normal, functioning human.

[QUOTE=PredGD;44169606]was probably a bad idea to suddenly stop as I've actually done. been feeling really nauseous the past weeks, restless, irritated etc. think I'll keep going like this though, since I can manage even though it's uncomfortable. and yeah, glad I'm not the only one thinking that. don't want to end up as one of those who end up relying on their anti depressants to work as a normal, functioning human.[/QUOTE] bad idea to stop taking anti-depressants so suddenly. you could possibly continue to feel worse. these are the sorts of things you should discuss with a medical provider, not facepunch before doing. also if you're someone who often experiences suicidal thoughts. don't think of it was "working backwards" either, that's where people are hugely mistaken and just plain wrong. anti-depressants are designed to manage symptoms not treat them, so bearing that in mind. what are YOU doing while you're on the anti-depressants to treat yourself is the important factor.

what do you guys usually do when you're feeling extra depressed? it's annoying that I'm not capable of doing anything when feeling a little extra down. I just simply lose interest in everything. I can't interest myself in watching TV, playing games goes on auto pilot, watching some courses I bought on the internet is literally impossible. nothing works when I feel extra down. I just want to sleep and forget. [editline]9th March 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=InvaderNouga;44169639]bad idea to stop taking anti-depressants so suddenly. you could possibly continue to feel worse. these are the sorts of things you should discuss with a medical provider, not facepunch before doing. also if you're someone who often experiences suicidal thoughts. don't think of it was "working backwards" either, that's where people are hugely mistaken and just plain wrong. anti-depressants are designed to manage symptoms not treat them, so bearing that in mind. what are YOU doing while you're on the anti-depressants to treat yourself is the important factor.[/QUOTE] I'll mention it to my shrink tomorrow to see what she thinks about it

[QUOTE=Nifae;44147255]I need some advice, friends. I may have posted about this in here before and forgot, but things have sort of gotten worse for me, a lot worse. In short, I live with my heavily religious grandmother and I'm transgender and currently suffering from horrid depression. She degrades me verbally every day, comparing me to my mother (who was a methamphetamine addict) and calling me worthless and all of that kind of stuff. I've recently met a fellow trans friend who's improved my life in so many ways, but I'm also now feeling such a conflicting whirlwind of emotions that I've turned to unhealthy ways of managing it-- self-harming... I didn't ever intend to start. I saw it as a childish thing to do, but here I am, doing it myself. It's like, for a brief time after I do it, there's nothing else on my mind but the throbbing. No anxiety, no worries about upsetting anyone, no worries about my future. Then the feelings slowly start to creep back in. My heart begins to race as I get the sudden urge to repeat the process. I know that I'm very fucked in the head at this point. My mood just swings up and down as if I've got some kind of disorder, but I can't go to therapy or get any help because that'd require telling my grandma, and that's the last thing I want to do right now. Why do I do this? It's like... I guess I feel that I'm not being a good enough friend to my new friend? He's done so much for me and I feel like I can't possibly repay his kindness. I hate myself for being so anxious in regards to him. He deserves someone there for him that's capable of a lot more than what I'm capable of, so I guess this is my way of punishing myself for that. Ever since I started doing it, I feel more calm? I don't know if that's the right wording. I don't know quite how to word what I feel. It's a fucked up coping mechanism and a dastardly crutch that's going to only damage me further, but I don't know if I want to stop. A lot of people may see it as a sign of being an attention whore or something, but I swear it's not that, I'm even hiding the scars from everyone. I don't want attention, I just want this anxiety to go away and let me live a normal life. I feel like if I don't cope in this way, I will turn to self-medication with opiates or something like that, something far worse than simple cutting. I don't feel alone anymore now that I've got this friend, but I still feel like a useless fuckwit. Sorry for ranting, I tend to do that. I just want to get out of this place. I don't know if I can keep living this double life the way I am. It's very taxing.[/QUOTE] The end goal should definitely be to seek professional help, but your grandmother poses quite a barrier. I don't know how old you are or if you're in school, but if you are in school, there's always counselors you can consult for advice and confide in. If you're not in school, then look to others for help. I know you'll probably feel apprehensive about it- heck, I would expect you to- but turning to the friend you've mentioned would be the thing to do. Just confiding in him would probably help you feel better, and he might be able to help you get professional help. Maybe his parents could help, who knows? The only thing I could say in regards to whatever amount of anxiety you'll experience if you try to seek him- do whatever you can to subvert it, just for long enough to get it out to him. Count to ten, then spit out the request, whatever it takes. Trust me when I say, as someone who has had his bouts with anxiety, and who knows some folks who also suffer; as your friend, it is far more painful for him to watch you suffer while being unable to help than it is for him to just listen to you rant and offer advice, or call someone for you. Of course, if you're in school or college, there should be counselors for you. I would still recommend you open up to him at some point at the very least. And in regards to Grandma- just remember to empathize for her. Nobody becomes grouchy and surly and goes out of their way to verbally abuse their families because they've had an easy, happy, peachy life. She lashes out because she's dealing with her own issues in the only way she knows how. I'm not telling you to forgive her, no- I'm just saying, you're probably not the only one who needs someone to talk to.

I am honestly starting to notice a pattern in my behavior... The other night, I drew this: [t]http://i.imgur.com/5Zvo6Tf.jpg[/t] People have constantly told me, "Wow dude that looks really nice!" but I feel like it's terrible, and apologize for even showing them such a terrible drawing. Then I contacted a friend the other night, and felt worried they were upset about me for no real reason. I ended up apologizing to them for one contacting them without really any good reason, and for two... Worrying so much. Its striking me as odd now that I am so apologetic to others, and spiteful to myself. The only time I am not like this is when I am killing an "enemy x" on video games, and finding myself no real reason to be forgiving to those persons or NPCs. I'm unsure if I should bring this up to my psych and ask them if they have any idea on what this be caused by.