Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=purvisdavid1;39872304]I just want a friend who I can talk to in this world and I get called a sex offender. This is the reason I want to die, no one wants to fucking understand me. No one fucking cares. It's all about how things look and not about how things are. I can't be mad that I fucked up a friendship with someone I care for as a friend?[/QUOTE] I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have made such inappropriate comments in the depression/social anxiety thread. If its any consolation i was just "yankin ur chain"

[QUOTE=Darcy Cunting;39879993]I'm somewhat worried. I spoke to my boss today and explained what I've been going through the past two weeks and mentioned that I've been seeing a therapist and requested a week's holiday. Instead he's putting me on sick leave for the next week or so (Depending on when I'm ready to return to work). This is making me more anxious. I just wanted to fucking explain that I'm having a shit time of things which is affecting my performance, need some time off and instead I get this. Now I'm worried whether it sounds like I'm phoning it in...[/QUOTE] Sick leave is probably better. I don't know where you are, but labour laws generally say that you can't fire someone for being sick but they can probably let you go if you're just asking for lots of time off work without reason. It's either the same or better for you in the end to have sick leave.

Birthday cake doesn't taste all that good when you realize you're the only person sitting at the table celebrating your birthday.

The only brilliant light in my life has finally dimmed and died. I've barely eaten at all over the past few days. I don't even feel thirsty. This is day three that I've been working on the same 20oz iced tea.

I read an essay in class today about poverty. It was a primary source of a single mother with three children who lived in a severe case of poverty. She received a total of $78 per week, was forced to have sex with her neighbor in order to get a ride to the health clinic to receive a check-up on her tapeworms, etc. This made me feel even worse. There are thousands, if not millions, of people that are currently living in situations that I can't even begin to comprehend. And I'm consistently depressed over what seems to just be petty bullshit. My parents and I fight a lot? Boo hoo. I can only find friends on the Internet? At least you [i]have[/i] a computer to browse the Internet, let alone have an Internet connection. Fuck this.

I never posted here before because I would finish, look at it and say: fuck it, I need to stop writing long depressive/suicidal text rants, I need to find a way to get happy, not even more sad. Posting here not with a letdown, but this time, a victory. For the first time in over a year, I have had a perfect day. There was nothing special about it- it was a normal day, school was shit, but I realized that I am happy with where I am right now, and where my life is going. I'm going to work hard this year to try and get into my dream high school, and from there, get into college, get a job, and live a relatively good life. Possibly even fall in love. I see all these possibilities, and I feel that I will be able to make the best of them. This is a HUGE improvement from about six months ago, because then I was convinced that I was going to die alone, living in a shit apartment or even on the streets. My heart goes out to anyone who is currently depressed, and I wish you all good luck and happy lives. The best thing that I could do to help myself is to well, keep my head up, and look out the window. Stare at the trees, the people, the birds. I've went from looking forward to going to sleep every day to looking forward to sunrise, sunset, and any happy moments in between. So focus on the little things. If you keep going through the motions and keep moving forward, eventually you'll find meaning, and happiness along with it. I clearly remember when I felt this way before- it was on the bus ride to school, and I was blankly staring out the window. I was just doing what I did- passing the time, sinking away from reality, when something sort of jolted me. For a moment, the bus rode up to a little tree patch, and I could see sunshine parting its way around the thin tree trunks, and it turned the forest golden. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and that was the first moment in months that I had seen life as colorful and pretty. Before, it was all gray, muddled, but now... I feel like I was before everything happened- optimistic, and finding happiness everywhere I go. Its quite strange really- when I was in the greatest need, my family ignored me. Instead, my friends stepped up, and were my shoulder to cry on, the ones who knew what to do. One of them had known what it feels like to put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger (the gun misfired), the other doesn't have any experience with this sort of thing, but he gave good advice, and helped me to stop caring about every little thing when it is unnecessary. TL:DR: With the help of friends, I finally feel happy. The world isn't a black and white TV anymore, hoopla!

I've always had some sort of depression, never fully though. Some days I can be confident enough to do anything, other times I over think things, worry too much and think about all the bad things happening. It's annoying as I feel it knocks my confidence and holds me back from progressing in things. I'd be completely different if depression didn't play a partial role in my life.

I've had dilemmas if I should take medication or not, what do you guys think?

medication should be a last resort imo what kind of issues with it are you having?

If there's any one suggestion I can give to you guys, it's meditation. I left the stressful situation and my depression dropped from suicidal to manageable, and meditation is really helping to clear it up and make my life easier. It's still hard to focus and to get out of bed and maintain a positive mindset, but if you're sitting in bed doing nothing you might as well meditate and reflect on those thoughts. Just breathing helps get me out of bed in the mornings, and, while I still have sleep problems, it helps calm me down at night enough to get some sleep.

Well I learned from someone that people were talking shit about about behind my back a while ago. Like I got used to the whole "ROFLSPERGER LOL" shit but fucking god damn every time someone talks shit about my nose I just die a lot inside. I just shouldn't be sad right now because a couple of idiots were being fucking cunts but jesus fuck. I think I should sleep more.

[QUOTE=cheetahben;39899471]I read an essay in class today about poverty. It was a primary source of a single mother with three children who lived in a severe case of poverty. She received a total of $78 per week, was forced to have sex with her neighbor in order to get a ride to the health clinic to receive a check-up on her tapeworms, etc. This made me feel even worse. There are thousands, if not millions, of people that are currently living in situations that I can't even begin to comprehend. And I'm consistently depressed over what seems to just be petty bullshit. My parents and I fight a lot? Boo hoo. I can only find friends on the Internet? At least you [i]have[/i] a computer to browse the Internet, let alone have an Internet connection. Fuck this.[/QUOTE] judging yourself because you are depressed when other people have it worse is a bad idea, It would be the same as saying I shouldn't be happy because there are people out there happier than myself.

Well, basically long story short my old grandpa, who I don't live with mind you, told me yesterday that I either go to GED classes (I started skipping due to low motivation and high depression) or get out, and I find it weird he says that since he doesn't even live with me. I started thinking I should just starve myself of food (or eat very little) to punish myself. I haven't had food in about uhh...a day so far? Probably less than that though.

[QUOTE=Akmeeda;39878322]I suffer from IBS which seems to come from my anxiety problems. I am afraid of quiet environments with other people such as a classroom. This is starting to affect my university studies and I am just sick of having to deal with this now. My stomach begins to make loud noises and just generally feel sick. The more I think about it, the worse it gets. I am on an 8 week waiting list for CBT and I just hope it will help in solving my problem....I just can't live with constant stress about having to go to lectures and classes. Anyone suffer from something similar? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.[/QUOTE] I suffer from IBS as well, and take a sub-lingual tablet (hyoscyamine) for when any bad side-effects of IBS starts to take notice. I generally take the bowl disorder for what it is, and I made note of it to my teachers for whenever I need to exit the class due to a bad feeling you typically get when having IBS. I also joke around with my friends about it, but I didn't let the disorder effect my life all too much. Keep your chin up!

-snip-

After i my meds ran out in december i have noticed some chances. Like now looking back to the date when i went to get help... What was i thinking? That was really dumb idea... Trying to get help? To this? Bah i am 100% nothing will help. So i was stupid when i went get "help" in the first place. And now i have gotten really really bitter and sometimes even angry. That psychiatrist who tried to figure out what i have said something about that i am "sensitive". And i have been bothered by it ever since. Sensitive... Sensitive. That means weakness in my mind, like i am some bitchy little girl? Hmhm. Anyways i feel different now, maybe i shouldn't say better but different at least. My anger and frustrations are now pushed somewhere back of my head again. Where they belong.

[QUOTE=cheetahben;39899471]I read an essay in class today about poverty. It was a primary source of a single mother with three children who lived in a severe case of poverty. She received a total of $78 per week, was forced to have sex with her neighbor in order to get a ride to the health clinic to receive a check-up on her tapeworms, etc. This made me feel even worse. There are thousands, if not millions, of people that are currently living in situations that I can't even begin to comprehend. And I'm consistently depressed over what seems to just be petty bullshit. My parents and I fight a lot? Boo hoo. I can only find friends on the Internet? At least you [i]have[/i] a computer to browse the Internet, let alone have an Internet connection. Fuck this.[/QUOTE] There's no reason you should ever feel guilty for something you can't help. It's a shame that some people have to live the way they do, but in most cases, we will probably never get the opportunity to help them. [editline]16th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Black;39905733]I've had dilemmas if I should take medication or not, what do you guys think?[/QUOTE] If you feel you can overcome what you're facing without drug-induced help, don't. Every medicine has side effects

Does force crying actually help getting over something? I haven't cried for so long because it turns to anger.

How can I try to talk to any of my friends when they're so happy all the time? I feel like I'd just be dragging their days down and make them hate me for it.

do you mean talking to them about your problems/etc or just having regular conversations?

[QUOTE=Nikeos;39930732]do you mean talking to them about your problems/etc or just having regular conversations?[/QUOTE] A little of both, because I fear talking about my problems, and conversation is always nitpicked for joke material so it's like why even say anything if a joke's going to be fucking made?

im the same way, but i have learned over time that the right people for you won't think you're a burden; they will want to help you.* and if im reading this right, your friends make jokes about your problems?? that's awful. true and honest friends would never do that. have you tried to talk about that with them before? *as long as you're not constantly excessively beating yourself up and refusing to do anything about your problems, that is. while it is a shitty place to be in yourself, its also a shitty place to be in from the other side. very hard to really deal with, but i'm doubting thats the case.

All stress and anger within me doesn't come out. It stays there and eventually it changes into sadness. This has been going on for long, I've been bullied my whole life so I guess that's part of it. I can't talk with people and my self esteem is so fucking low, probably part of the bullying as well. If I get sad nowadays all these fucking emotions come out and I get extremely depressed and these thoughts of suicide come up and then I get angry, it turns into sadness and then I feel better after doing some self harm (Not actually hurting myself, just eating tons of candy or something like that) Insults get to me very easily and shit, it feels like all my friends have abandonned me (they kinda have but whatever). Just tried to vent even though it did nothing at least I kinda did something idk.

[QUOTE=Nikeos;39930790]im the same way, but i have learned over time that the right people for you won't think you're a burden; they will want to help you. as long as you're not constantly excessively beating yourself up and refusing to do anything about your problems, that is. while it is a shitty place to be in yourself, its also a shitty place to be in from the other side. very hard to really deal with, but i'm doubting thats the case.[/QUOTE] I'm excessively nice and generous, I turn my head or look down when I get insulted because you're supposed to be the bigger person and see past it, but it's literally the same jokes repeated over and over and over. I know if I made jokes about my friends being gigantic dumb assholes all the time they'd have something to say, so how come when I ask them nicely to stop saying shit, like telling me to sit on a stool upside down, or to get with a fat chick, or some other immature fucking thing, instead of being paid attention to that becomes joke fodder too. "Stop making fun of me errr" Now I'm getting pissed at things. [QUOTE=Nikeos;39930790]and if im reading this right, your friends make jokes about your problems?? that's awful. true and honest friends would never do that. have you tried to talk about that with them before? [/QUOTE] Yes, it created the whole "Stop making fun of me" bullshit.

I don't know if this is the right thread to put this, so let me know if I should go somewhere else. Last night I found out a very close friend was raped last summer, and I'm the only person she's told. This combined with a verbally abusive mom and an absent dad has really messed her up. In the past, I suggested she get help for her parent problems and depression, but she keeps saying she wants to fix it herself. She told be about the rape over texts and then went to sleep right after, so we haven't really talked about it. I need help, I have no idea what I can say or what I can do. I don't know if I should even mention it again or what. I don't want to give too many details, but she was walking home after a night of drinking and was pulled into an alley. I'm still really distraught, so I have no idea if anything I just said makes sense.

I'm a fucking moron who can't take criticism. Fucking terrible idea to post a picture of myself when I clearly do not have the emotional stability to handle people laughing at my appearance. I just can't get over the constant harrasment in school when it's been fucking 3 years.

Saw a psychiatrist today. I'll be taking Prozac after I get blood work done.

[QUOTE=purvisdavid1;39934398]Yes, it created the whole "Stop making fun of me" bullshit.[/QUOTE] what the hell, no one should have to deal with things like that. i'm sure you already know this, but i think you should really get rid of these people.

[QUOTE=Nikeos;39938112]what the hell, no one should have to deal with things like that. i'm sure you already know this, but i think you should really get rid of these people.[/QUOTE] I don't know what to do. There are days where it's like "God dammit why.", and other days it'll be alright and I actually enjoy being around them.

i started cutting a few days ago i can already see that this is the biggest mistake of my life nobody told me how addicting it was to feel a blade slice across my skin the cuts keep getting deeper and deeper and i don't even fucking know what i'm doing anymore sometimes i feel completely fine until something triggers a reaction in my head that necessitates self-harm i don't even know why i'm leaving this here, i don't know any of you that well hell, i don't even know what this post is trying to accomplish i'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow regretting posting this but w/e