Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

Had 2 nightmares last night, one getting rejected for a kiss, and another getting thrown out of the house by another chick. I looked it up on some whack dream website, says its linked to self esteem issues. Another thing to add to the crazy list.

[QUOTE=Fulsam;44109944]There's this girl who was a year below me back when I was in high school. I became overly infatuated with her, and, due to that mistake, a relationship is just not happening. I did manage to go to prom with her last year, though. So I guess I should be grateful for that. We're still good friends, but limerence keeps popping up, and the stress and anxiety it's causing are really fucking me up. It's led to a horrible Facebook addiction that's really causing me pain when I don't get my fix. She's still in high school, and she's going to prom again. Again, I should be grateful that I got the chance to go with her last year, but seeing pictures pop up of her trying out dresses is just killing me. It just causes a whole loop of self-centered anger. Its fucking over. Drop it. Grow up, you fuck. I'm fucking better than this. But killing the Facebook addiction is just easier said than done. It doesn't help that I'm stuck in this fucking house all day. I want a job. I want to fucking MOVE FORWARD. I know my parents are trying like hell to get my license, but I'm so sick of my basement, and so sick of relying on other people. When prom rolls around, I don't want to be in that fucking basement. I'll go to a fucking Walmart all night, or the mall, or a fucking McDonald's. Anything that isn't another night of staring at my computer feeling bad for myself. Please.[/QUOTE] UPDATE: Finally told myself to get the fuck in line, and talk to her. This led up to me finding out she has feelings for another guy, and might go to prom with him. I was calm about it, and even gave her tips because she's also nervous. Strangely, It feels better to know the worst is going to happen, then it does to fear for it. But this firmly cements the fact that I NEED to get over her now. I was fine for a couple hours, though a bit jaded over the whole thing. After that though, it's starting to hit me. I've been stupidly infatuated with her for three goddamn years, and I'm beginning to feel the emptiness inside. When I talked to her, I never told her that I still had those feelings. She was excited about this guy, and I didn't want to go and shit all over that. I don't want to just cut her off completely. She's my best friend, and I don't want to hurt her again. So I guess I need to get the fuck over her magically. Again, it really doesn't fucking help that I'm stuck in this basement all fucking day, and get to meet NO ONE. I am, however, going to start going into a regular schedule, and taking better care of myself. No idea what my future holds, but I'm eager to see what time will reveal.

Seriously wondering if I might have some kind of bipolar disorder now. I fit the bill for a lot of it (though only hypomania episodes, not full blown mania). If I wasn't so poor right now I'd schedule a doctors visit to make sure. I've had suspicions for a very long time but I just passed it off as being depressed and occasionally having really good days. God I don't want there to be anything else wrong with me. I just want to get on with my life. [editline]18th March 2014[/editline] Might explain what happened 3 days ago too. The probiotics sure as hell aren't having that effect anymore. And this isn't the first time this has happened either.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;44265930]Seriously wondering if I might have some kind of bipolar disorder now. I fit the bill for a lot of it (though only hypomania episodes, not full blown mania). If I wasn't so poor right now I'd schedule a doctors visit to make sure. I've had suspicions for a very long time but I just passed it off as being depressed and occasionally having really good days. God I don't want there to be anything else wrong with me. I just want to get on with my life. [editline]18th March 2014[/editline] Might explain what happened 3 days ago too. The probiotics sure as hell aren't having that effect anymore. And this isn't the first time this has happened either.[/QUOTE] No, you don't have to have full blown mania to be bipolar, hypomania is in the definition as well. [editline]17th March 2014[/editline] So, yeah, you probably have bipolar.

Apparently that lifechanging thing I wanted actually costs $5,000 instead of $2,000. Yeah I guess I'm not going to get it jesus christ

I don't really know where else to post this so uh I've just been really shitty recently and I don't really know why. I haven't been sleeping properly (I'm pretty much nocturnal at this point; didn't sleep at all last night and on the nights where I do get some sleep I end up staying in bed until about 4pm) and I've had zero motivation to do anything (I haven't been to college in about 2 weeks). Things I used to enjoy a lot just seem really pointless now. I'm a really shy introverted person and I don't really have any irl friends, so I've been feeling pretty lonely on top of everything else. I've just been having this vague sense of unease for ages and it's fucking with me.

[QUOTE=Slowbro;44274840]I don't really know where else to post this so uh I've just been really shitty recently and I don't really know why. I haven't been sleeping properly (I'm pretty much nocturnal at this point; didn't sleep at all last night and on the nights where I do get some sleep I end up staying in bed until about 4pm) and I've had zero motivation to do anything (I haven't been to college in about 2 weeks). Things I used to enjoy a lot just seem really pointless now. I'm a really shy introverted person and I don't really have any irl friends, so I've been feeling pretty lonely on top of everything else. I've just been having this vague sense of unease for ages and it's fucking with me.[/QUOTE] Looking at your post, and previous posts, your irratibility and overall shittiness, combined with a rather active post history and unease might be a mixed state episode. I'm no qualified doctor though, you should go get checked out.

I think today is the day I finally snap. I've been on edge all last week because of a fight with a close friend, which resulted in her having a breakdown. Why do I always fuck everything up? Everything I touch turns to shit, everything. My grandmother says it'll get better, but I'm still waiting for the day I'm not a complete waste of space.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;44273205]Apparently that lifechanging thing I wanted actually costs $5,000 instead of $2,000. Yeah I guess I'm not going to get it jesus christ[/QUOTE] What is it?

I'm making efforts to cull my overall time on facebook. Today, I felt more and more uncomfortable sitting at the computer, and forced myself to work around the house. I hauled a shitty dresser that was due to be thrown out to the compost pile, and got all the christmas decorations out of the garage. I still succumbed to going on facebook, checking up on her, and getting hurt more, so I have to quit it alltogether. I wanted to let off some steam, and talk to someone, but my friends are sick of hearing about it, so I no longer talk about it to them, and just bottle it up. And I still feel like an entitled, lazy piece of shit.

I've never worked a day in my life, and I am fucking sick and tired of people saying "I have tattoos and piercings, but that hasn't stopped me from getting a job!" All I can reply to that now is "Really? Then find and get me a job as well while you're at it, if it's that "easy" for you!" It really pisses me off. That and when people say that I will be a "great mum" when I have kids. As much as I love kids, I don't think so, not one bit. More like "if". And I'm sure I would be a terrible parent no matter how I look at it. Anyway, not that I should worry about that at any time.

feel so guilty right now. I got $130 sent into my account this morning, and already burned $60 of it. this happens every time and I feel so guilty. I don't buy things because I enjoy them anymore, I buy them because I feel a compulsive need to buy it. I never have any money because of this, it goes straight out. whenever I have any money I feel anxious. I just have to spend it, and I hate that behavior. I have no clue why I'm doing it because I really don't want to. my only guess would be that I find comfort in buying stuff to occupy myself, since I don't do anything but sit on my ass anyway. any of you guys struggling with the same? would love to get out of this, I hate feeling so guilty for doing it. worst part is that I'm still craving to burn all the money. I want to save money, not throw it out of the window.

[QUOTE=PredGD;44295387]feel so guilty right now. I got $130 sent into my account this morning, and already burned $60 of it. this happens every time and I feel so guilty. I don't buy things because I enjoy them anymore, I buy them because I feel a compulsive need to buy it. I never have any money because of this, it goes straight out. whenever I have any money I feel anxious. I just have to spend it, and I hate that behavior. I have no clue why I'm doing it because I really don't want to. my only guess would be that I find comfort in buying stuff to occupy myself, since I don't do anything but sit on my ass anyway. any of you guys struggling with the same? would love to get out of this, I hate feeling so guilty for doing it. worst part is that I'm still craving to burn all the money. I want to save money, not throw it out of the window.[/QUOTE] Yeah dude, I do the same. I comfort-buy, so to speak. Ever since my ex left me for his best friend's girlfriend I have bought things left, right and center. I think it's because I was mostly alone since then now, and I hardly ever see anyone or do anything, just sit on my arse all day on the computer. No motivation or drive whatsoever. :/

Man today was a fucking joke, as always. Tomorrow is my 18th birthday (well it's today and it's 2AM and I can't sleep) so hopefully that goes well even though I never had a birthday party for 6 years due my friends not really caring about birthdays or having no friends at all.

Got paid so I can go to the doctors again sometime next week. I'll get to find out what my blood test results are and ask about getting tested for bipolar disorder. Horribly shit day today though. Woke up somewhat alright but as soon as I got to work my stomach was killing me and I could barely stay focused. I've still got absolutely no energy to do anything I want to do. I can try and force myself to do something that I want to work on but I get extremely frustrated as always and depressed. I really wish I had 3 days off in a row for work. I can't handle this shit at all.

I so badly wanna change something in my life but its fuckin pathetic how I can't seem to motivate myself to try and do anything; start exercising, find a job, change my diet, etc.

[QUOTE=nnoah95;44302384]I so badly wanna change something in my life but its fuckin pathetic how I can't seem to motivate myself to try and do anything; start exercising, find a job, change my diet, etc.[/QUOTE] I feel the same way. I actually started lifting dumbells at home, but it isnt helping me gain weight. I need to eat more and measure what I eat, but Im not motivated enough. Both my teachers have pulled me out of class asking if im ok, been feeling terrible lately. My male teacher mentioned i was kind of slipping out, which is true. There isnt a single moment where i havent been worried. I of course just put a mask on. I dont feel like i can be honest and talk with any of my irl friends

Had a change of heart yesterday because I finally feel somebody cared about me. I was going start smokeing and drinking so life my could pass by faster but she told me about herself and how she have had it. She doesn't know that I'm probably bipolar yet though. (Because she know about her that ruined me, it's one of her bestfriends.) But it was nice to feel someone cared for me, she probably saved my life because I was fucking deep down yesterday. Why is life so hard? What did she have to backstab me, all I wanted was someone to care for, she didn't have to pull it out of me that day, it was better hidden, now I gotta lie to her everyday... I don't know what to do anymore....

moving to florida rip in peace the remainder of my social life, for real at least my dad will be happier

Apparently my mother was upset that I didn't really enjoy my birthday and my father scolded me for making her upset. Probably one of the worst birthdays ever.

Anybody dealt with Amphetamine Psychosis? I used to take ADD medication daily for years, and recently I came off. I took them and got very little sleep for a long period of time, and it was slowly wearing me down. Now, I am very paranoid, have plenty of anxiety, stressed out over very simple things, lost all interest and motivation, and my emotions are very weak. I could have an amazing day, but when I come home I feel no different than if I had a terrible day. There's a lot more to it , but some of it I don't enjoy talking about. I was prescribed an anti psychotic but I can't stand them. I feel stupid, and dead. Not to mention for the first hour I feel like I'm having a heart attack. It was a very normal day though, which haunts me.

[QUOTE=fox '09;44307487]Anybody dealt with Amphetamine Psychosis? I used to take ADD medication daily for years, and recently I came off. I took them and got very little sleep for a long period of time, and it was slowly wearing me down. Now, I am very paranoid, have plenty of anxiety, stressed out over very simple things, lost all interest and motivation, and my emotions are very weak. I could have an amazing day, but when I come home I feel no different than if I had a terrible day. There's a lot more to it , but some of it I don't enjoy talking about. I was prescribed an anti psychotic but I can't stand them. I feel stupid, and dead. Not to mention for the first hour I feel like I'm having a heart attack. It was a very normal day though, which haunts me.[/QUOTE] You should take your medication as your Doctor recommends. How long have you been taking the anti-psychotic for? Some medications take a bit of time to build up to a therapeutic level in your system. What medication is it?

fuck this. fucking trying so hard to fix myself and it keeps fucking up im shoving so much shit down my throat blindly trying to find something that sticks and does something but it doesnt work. my neck is fucking sore and stiff and im tired no matter what i do i hate even trying to sleep because i know im going to wake up tomorrow and feel as shit as i did today. im never going to be normal again. i dont want this i want it to be over

How does one even improve their e-social skills No fucking joke everyone gets upset at me for various reasons online. I do the same shit in real life and people like me. It's to the point to where people think that I deserve to be harassed for my attitude.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;44312184]How does one even improve their e-social skills No fucking joke everyone gets upset at me for various reasons online. I do the same shit in real life and people like me. It's to the point to where people think that I deserve to be harassed for my attitude.[/QUOTE] I usually try to stay as neutral as possible, and same goes with opinions. keep an open mind is basically what I do

I think my opinions get me in the most shit it seems but people think otherwise. [editline]21st March 2014[/editline] Also I am very open minded. Most of my views have changed because of the Internet.

I don't usually post here; but fuck have things been awfully shitty this week. A little back story. Since my teenage years I've been in a bit of a chaotic situation. My grandmother contracted Multiple sclerosis at around the same time that my dad developed cancer. They both died in 2007 and my life in general was pretty terrible from then until the end of high school. After that I began living with my grandfather for a few years. I started college and helped to pay for rent and groceries through student loans and keep his medications in order. In return he provided me a nice place to live and some company. This arrangement has been going on throughout my college courses which I finally finished in December of last year. Things were looking pretty good and I'd been looking forward to getting a job and learning to drive, generally improving my life. Then Monday happened. Sometime during the morning my grandfather had a heart attack. This was a surprise as I was asleep and apparently couldn't be roused, he called emergency services and was taken to the hospital. He had a few episodes throughout the week but was mostly stabilized by Wednesday. From there the hospital performed tests and determined that he has a blockage in a particularly difficult spot in one of his arteries. They couldn't put a stent in since the area the the blockage is located in branches out into other arteries and could potentially cause complications with the branching arteries. Yesterday the doctor was looking at bypass surgery to maybe alleviate the heart a bit and help him return to a somewhat normal lifestyle. Today I learned that they couldn't perform bypass surgery since there was a heavy risk of complications in the future. Based on what my mother said there was not much hope of anything else being done. They give him about a year or so to live before his heart gives out. I wasn't even fucking surprised, not in the slightest. I think I even said "I'm not really surprised anymore." Any prospects of this being a good year were just flushed down the toilet. I can't even tell how my grandfather is feeling right now since I wasn't able to get to the hospital today. I'm really sick of this shit. I'm sick of losing people. Sorry if that was a bit long, I just needed to vent.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;44312476]I think my opinions get me in the most shit it seems but people think otherwise. [editline]21st March 2014[/editline] Also I am very open minded. Most of my views have changed because of the Internet.[/QUOTE] Oral communication is worlds apart from communicating through text. I usually try and "use the right emoticons" to not come off as sarcastic, angry, annoyed, or anything else. Some people just automatically read things in a very serious tone.

[QUOTE=Zar;44313155]Oral communication is worlds apart from communicating through text. I usually try and "use the right emoticons" to not come off as sarcastic, angry, annoyed, or anything else. Some people just automatically read things in a very serious tone.[/QUOTE] Yeah I kinda learned that a little too late. Pretty much now everyone has some sort of grudge against me to the point of where if a conversation starts to turn into a shit flinging fest, I'm the one to blame.

I don't often post in threads like these, but recently I've been noticing it more and more. Just... some days, I wake up. Get through most of the day. Whether I get home from school or I've been watching TV or in the middle class, I just get these... thoughts in my head. Thoughts that I'm probably never going to amount to anything. I'll never get into college. Never get a good job. Never find more than the tiny amount of friends I have now. I don't know where they come from, they just appear. And I can't make them go away. And the impressions left just make me feel hollow, and that I will always fit the description my mind gives me. Lonely, talentless, and useless. Forever. The biggest stem of not getting a job and things like that comes from me feeling like I have no talents. Not practical ones, anyways. I'm okay at writing. That's really all I can think of. I've got no motivation for much of anything. What good is a writer who can't sit down and finish a story? Sometimes I feel like there is no feasible way my own life's story will have a happy ending. But other days, I'm just so happy. I want to hug people, tell jokes, introduce myself to others, have fun at my job meeting new and interesting people and helping children learn how to climb (I work at a climbing wall), and all sorts of things. Sometimes it even feels better to smile than to have the constant, tried frown that I normally have donned on my face. I don't know. Maybe its just simple ol' teenage depression. But sometimes I really just wonder if I should just lie down and give up.