Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;44416821]I think you're taking the internet way too seriously[/QUOTE] I don't take it any less seriously than any other person. When you're being harassed it starts to become a nuisance. [editline]31st March 2014[/editline] Funny how I was yelled at a few days ago for not taking this seriously enough

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;44416821]I think you're taking the internet way too seriously[/QUOTE] I would say it was them taking it to seriously.

What's the fastest and most painless way to kill yourself besides a gun to my head? I'm seriously just done with living now.

nembutal is a pretty good drug

came home from that meeting. I think I would have been better of never doing it in the first place. it felt bad being there, I was silent, I don't feel like I made any contact with them. the rope to them for me has been cut. we don't meet enough to form a friendship, it's always back to square one because of the delay between everytime. I really can't carry the weight of all this when my top priority and goal feels hopeless. I don't want to do anything anymore. I want to sleep, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to continue or fight. I have absolutely no one anymore. I have no one to talk to about my issues, I'm only discarded I feel when I do talk about them to my only friend over the internet. I just want a friend, a single friend who will listen to my problems. a shoulder to cry on. suicide? it's very real to me right now. I feel "edgy" and attention grabbing to say it, but I really don't want this anymore. I've fought my entire life, ever since I was a child. I became conscious of my body before primary school. I've always wished to be another person, even in kindergarten. I just want it to end :( [editline]1st April 2014[/editline] what the hell am I supposed to do? there is no answer, I'll only rot in my own house. day out, day in, the cycle will continue. there's no way out

[QUOTE=Zerokateo;44421627]What's the fastest and most painless way to kill yourself besides a gun to my head? I'm seriously just done with living now.[/QUOTE] You won't feel any better being dead, because you'll be dead. Its that that always put me off suicide.

[QUOTE=PredGD;44423035]came home from that meeting. I think I would have been better of never doing it in the first place. it felt bad being there, I was silent, I don't feel like I made any contact with them. the rope to them for me has been cut. we don't meet enough to form a friendship, it's always back to square one because of the delay between everytime. I really can't carry the weight of all this when my top priority and goal feels hopeless. I don't want to do anything anymore. I want to sleep, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to continue or fight. I have absolutely no one anymore. I have no one to talk to about my issues, I'm only discarded I feel when I do talk about them to my only friend over the internet. I just want a friend, a single friend who will listen to my problems. a shoulder to cry on. suicide? it's very real to me right now. I feel "edgy" and attention grabbing to say it, but I really don't want this anymore. I've fought my entire life, ever since I was a child. I became conscious of my body before primary school. I've always wished to be another person, even in kindergarten. I just want it to end :( [editline]1st April 2014[/editline] what the hell am I supposed to do? there is no answer, I'll only rot in my own house. day out, day in, the cycle will continue. there's no way out[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Zerokateo;44421627]What's the fastest and most painless way to kill yourself besides a gun to my head? I'm seriously just done with living now.[/QUOTE] I don't think you want to die, I think you want to stop hurting, and dying seems like the only real option. If you can put off suicide for even a day, it gives you that much more time to find a real alternative. Also, [B]it is okay to ask for help![/B] Please, please believe me on this.

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;44423661]You won't feel any better being dead, because you'll be dead. Its that that always put me off suicide.[/QUOTE] he's most likely referring to the pain that leads to your death. a gun shot is okay. you just gotta make sure you hit the brain stem (i think) or else you'll end up surviving with some disability

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;44423761]I don't think you want to die, I think you want to stop hurting, and dying seems like the only real option. If you can put off suicide for even a day, it gives you that much more time to find a real alternative. Also, [B]it is okay to ask for help![/B] Please, please believe me on this.[/QUOTE] if I really want to die, I'm not sure either as you say. but the mental pain is unbearable, it just doesn't stop. it feels like I'm being tortured I receive professional help but it doesn't help. if anything, everything has just gone downhill since I began getting help. what I really want is solutions. but what is there I can do? there doesn't seem to be any solutions :( [editline]2nd April 2014[/editline] decided to write a little list to keep my mind off of the thoughts pondering my brain. [quote]Depression & Me What do I like about myself/what am I good at? - Fairly happy with my facial structure - Would consider myself "okay" at working Linux, servers and general maintenace on Windows - General IT - Making sure others aren't hurt by my words, nor actions What do I not like about myself? - My clothes/general clothing style - My hair - My body - Put too much thought into everything - Lack a good working memory - No social circle - Feel like a general weirdo (due to no friends/how I behave in public) What is causing the most depression & anxiety in my life? - Being lonely How would I go about fixing my biggest issue, being lonely? - Lose weight - Get my hair cut - New clothes [/quote] losing weight shouldn't be too hard with my anxiety in mind, but getting my hair cut and getting new clothes will be difficult due to my condition.

I feel like I should stop posting here because everybody else's problems are way worse than mine. I feel fine 80% of the time, it's just around twice or thrice per week that I get suicidey. I kinda think I could just live with this, seeing as too many people would cry if I was dead so I probably won't do it.

[QUOTE=Hugh Janus;44423777]he's most likely referring to the pain that leads to your death. a gun shot is okay. you just gotta make sure you hit the brain stem (i think) or else you'll end up surviving with some disability[/QUOTE] I'm just not artistic enough to understand these metaphors

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;44425195]I feel like I should stop posting here because everybody else's problems are way worse than mine. I feel fine 80% of the time, it's just around twice or thrice per week that I get suicidey. I kinda think I could just live with this, seeing as too many people would cry if I was dead so I probably won't do it.[/QUOTE] Hey man, nobody's pain is any more or less important than anybody else's. [editline]1st April 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;44423936]if I really want to die, I'm not sure either as you say. but the mental pain is unbearable, it just doesn't stop. it feels like I'm being tortured I receive professional help but it doesn't help. if anything, everything has just gone downhill since I began getting help. what I really want is solutions. but what is there I can do? there doesn't seem to be any solutions :( [/QUOTE] None of us here is a professional or is qualified to help you. There are so many people who post here and I don't know what to say to them. This is something I do know: If you do not like the professional help you are getting, it is not your fault and it is okay to tell that professional that it isn't working for you. They will not think any less of you, and they will get you the help you need!

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;44423761]I don't think you want to die, I think you want to stop hurting, and dying seems like the only real option. If you can put off suicide for even a day, it gives you that much more time to find a real alternative. Also, [B]it is okay to ask for help![/B] Please, please believe me on this.[/QUOTE] I've been putting if off everyday, I just have a hard time with people putting me down over everything.

Anyone ever have that feeling where you just feel like you have no depth to you? Like I don't really have any goals, or hopes or dreams. I don't know that I'm depressed, I'm just down alllll the time.

I got upset over something stupid today and like a dumbass I ignored my friend because I didn't want to talk to him. I would go to a psychiatrist but they're fucking garbage in my area. A psychiatrist that I had was a fucking trainee and not an expert. [editline]1st April 2014[/editline] Basically I have a lot of pent up hate for a lot of people and myself

[QUOTE=NeoDement;44426496]Anyone ever have that feeling where you just feel like you have no depth to you? Like I don't really have any goals, or hopes or dreams. I don't know that I'm depressed, I'm just down alllll the time.[/QUOTE] Have anyone around your age to talk to irl? Most people tend to feel this way, I know myself and a lot of my friends do, particularly from the late teens to mid-20's. I remember a college professor describing it as one big existential crisis and somehow the fact that he went through the same thing and could accurately describe it, that made me feel better when I start to feel like I'm not doing anything. Had another professor who said he dropped out of college and spent his time working as an RC cola salesman until he was 30 and then decided to take night school classes, he eventually became not only a professor but had a book that was part of Oprah's book club. So I always try to seek out people or stories about people who are real and had to slave through the monotony of life to achieve something they were proud of. Here's that professor who was a cola salesman: [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bret_Lott"]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bret_Lott[/URL]

[QUOTE=NeoDement;44426496]Anyone ever have that feeling where you just feel like you have no depth to you? Like I don't really have any goals, or hopes or dreams. I don't know that I'm depressed, I'm just down alllll the time.[/QUOTE] I met you in a game of TF2 last year, you seem nice. this is exactly how I feel though. No idea what I want to do with my life in four years when I gotta pick an education

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;44426002]I'm just not artistic enough to understand these metaphors[/QUOTE] wtf? i'm not using any metaphors, what are you talking about. most deaths involve pain unless instantaneous is what i mean.

[QUOTE=Hugh Janus;44428274]wtf? i'm not using any metaphors, what are you talking about. most deaths involve pain unless instantaneous is what i mean.[/QUOTE] Well no shit? Why did you make that reply then?

taking your own life is always terrible. Depression is what they call "the unseen sickness", because honestly it's really hard to notice. someone will care when you're gone, and someone will find your body. go see someone professional, they actually help people with these thoughts for a living. [editline]2nd April 2014[/editline] my stepbrother was really hard to get to do stuff, he would be very hard to get in touch with, and then when we finally got him to go on a vacation to Italy, everything seemed normal, he laughed, was having a great time. when we got home again he isolated himself once again, and then finally after so long, he told his dad he had not been to school for months and had been getting anti-depressants. [editline]2nd April 2014[/editline] should be noted my stepbrother lives in another city

Hey other depressives, how do you keep finding reasons to live, if you do? also, I've just started seeing a professional and it's only been two sessions so i dunno.

[QUOTE=pie_is_good;44431747]Hey other depressives, how do you keep finding reasons to live, if you do? also, I've just started seeing a professional and it's only been two sessions so i dunno.[/QUOTE] By remembering I'm just an organism on a floating space rock. And feeling grateful that I can see reality instead of being caught up with something that, in the end, is pointless. I don't really care if I leave a mark, I just like to watch ants crawl around and the clouds go by. I don't need to accomplish anything because in the end, it won't matter. People who try to convince you that things matter will die and then won't matter. People who clutter their lives with useless shit like "OMG, I have sooo much to do today, how am I ever going to get anything done?! OMG gym THEN yoga, gawd, I'm dying!" they're idiots. Realizing that I care and love me helps me forget about people who need attention and validation from others, they're nothing and will try to build themselves up only to meet the same fate as me. I like observation and poetry and short fiction and people who struggle. Struggle is real, happiness is fleeting and even a moment of happiness is worth it if you truly appreciate it. Whenever I see fake, materialistic, self-important people I just remember this poem: [QUOTE]I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert . . . Near them, on the sand, Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown, And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, Tell that its sculptor well those passions read Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed: And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away."[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=pie_is_good;44431747]Hey other depressives, how do you keep finding reasons to live, if you do? also, I've just started seeing a professional and it's only been two sessions so i dunno.[/QUOTE] my reason has always been either "fear of the unknown, what is there to death?", "my family will miss me", and the good old "there's always a possibility things will get better"

Why do I fucking try so hard to blend in with society but no matter what I do, people shove me right out and say "go suck a dick" to me? I'm not even gay. Jesus christ, I wanna go kill myself now.

I made an apology to that thread I was talking about earlier, as well as telling them how I feel about all this. It pains me to know that people still think what they did was justified/deserving, and people who've flamed me excessively in the past are still saying I'm a cunt. [editline]2nd April 2014[/editline] I also lost a very good friend to me today over an argument. I was upset over something else so I didn't want to talk to the person. Later I thought it was for the best that we stopped talking because this happens too often.

[QUOTE=pie_is_good;44431747]Hey other depressives, how do you keep finding reasons to live, if you do? also, I've just started seeing a professional and it's only been two sessions so i dunno.[/QUOTE] I think I can make a difference for people that have it bad, because there are so many with problems around me at this point. I also want to leave a stamp, matter to someone. But if that fails I'm going to hide in the grave I assume.

Nothing like hearing an early-morning comment from your professor telling your last free classmate for a partner-speaking-assignment in your language class that "oh you were too slow to pick a partner and now you're stuck with [Catscratch]!". What a wonderful confidence booster to start the day off with.

The world is a mirror to yourself, what you are is reflected back to you. If what you see in that mirror is not something you like to see, change yourself, much like someone would get a new haircut to look at the mirror and go "Damn, I'm dashing.", you must do the same with yourself. Improve yourself as a person and I guarantee you that what you will see in the mirror will completely change. It's like if someone's a huge dickbutt asshole, what will be reflected to that person is everyone passing word that this man is a huge asshole. If that man was a nice person, the mirror would reflect back accordingly that you are in fact, a good person.

I hate how I'm pretty much forced to stop playing one of my favorite games ever, just because it's completely ruining my last remaining sanity. I have also removed any traces of a community I've been in, so that means I've lost every "friend" I had right now. I honestly do not know, what to do now, I have no games to play, and I have no friends to talk to. It feels like depression is peeking it's ugly head from the corner again, and this time, I may not be able to fight it.

My mood keeps jumping up and down like crazy. Happy to extremely depressed over a days length. I had such a great day yesterday until I got home from work, then my mood dropped hard for no reason. Keeping a log of what I did on that day and comparing it to others to try and find a pattern doesn't seem to help because my mood just seems to be jumping randomly. 2 good days and then a solid week of ugh. At least I'm keeping up exercising every day. Still wish I could just stay happy for once though. And now I'm getting more hours cut at work because it's apparently school holidays again. [editline]4th April 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=KandyMan;44441839]I hate how I'm pretty much forced to stop playing one of my favorite games ever, just because it's completely ruining my last remaining sanity. I have also removed any traces of a community I've been in, so that means I've lost every "friend" I had right now. I honestly do not know, what to do now, I have no games to play, and I have no friends to talk to. It feels like depression is peeking it's ugly head from the corner again, and this time, I may not be able to fight it.[/QUOTE] Ruining it how? Is it just not fun anymore or is something about it sparking shitty memories or feelings? Cause I've had similar stuff happen in other games. I can get really depressed when playing starbound because the nighttime music on some worlds is really depressing and melancholy. I end up either exiting or muting the audio till it's daytime.