Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

you should get help, go to the hospital and say that you are injuring yourself

[QUOTE=Abrown516;39937784]Saw a psychiatrist today. I'll be taking Prozac after I get blood work done.[/QUOTE] I had a very bad time with Prozac, I wish you all the luck in the world friend.

So after having played what I considered a harmless visual novel that is katawa shoujo, which I started playing for shits and giggles, I ended up sad and confused. After finishing a certain route, I started evaluating my own life and reflecting on my lifes (although a bit short at the moment) past events. My rights and my wrongs. I compared my life to KS and found strikingly similar things and important knots that played side by side with the games story and my actual life. It made me realize what I should have done and what I should do. I am not very good making myself change habits, especially major things, so now I'm genuinely afraid that my personality will hinder me from making those important changes. I can not say I've had a bad life, quite the opposite actually, but I've always sensed a great hole gaping within me. That hole is supposed to be filled with something, but I don't know what. Recently I've tried to analyze myself and my actual needs and desires and I've made horrible discoveries about what I should have done in the past, this very much thanks to a Visual anime novel. As stupid and as beta it may sound, this is the actual way it is. My personality also has me using acquired knowledge to re-do things over and over until I feel that not only I am satisfied, but that everyone else involved is also satisfied. In games and in KS I could save and retry everything until the puzzle made the best looking picture. But in life there are no check-points or save games. If I could ask for anything I'd ever want, is to live a completely new life with my previous knowledge. A clean slate, if you may. That would be my one and only wish. I say this because I don't want to inconvenience anyone that are directly close to me, but having myself know that some one knows, even if it's unknown persons on the internet, I feel a great weight has lifted from my shoulders as I type this.

[QUOTE=littlefoot;39944163]I had a very bad time with Prozac, I wish you all the luck in the world friend.[/QUOTE] It's my first time with any medication, so I'm not expecting the best. What did it do for you?

I'm going to see someone for my mental health tomorrow. I had thoughts of suicide yesterday.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;39950366]I'm going to see someone for my mental health tomorrow. I had thoughts of suicide yesterday.[/QUOTE] Good on you. Having someone to talk to can do wonders for the mind. And it doesn't have to be a mental health professional (but it helps). It can be a friend, sibling, parent, so on (granted they're open-minded, be careful about this part). I'm just glad you didn't bottle it up. That'd only lead to worse outcomes.

What do I do about this guy [img]http://i.imgur.com/wj2VDtn.png[/img]

One of my closest friends has been really sad lately and as of now has been offline for over 24 hours. Maybe I'm paranoid but I'm really scared something happened.

i got badly depressed early this year, and my school attendance went straight to shit-town. all it means for me is that i have to spend a couple of months after school to re-do some of my classes, but i am having severe anxiety issues whenever it even just crosses my mind. i have already explained to my parents that i will have to redo some of my classes, and they were supportive of it. what i didnt tell them was that i had to do so because i had stayed at home a lot. i am so scared of how dissapointed they will be when they find out, i would be happier if they never find out at all. does anyone else strongly fear to seriously dissapoint your parents? might be worth mentioning that i have a steady job and after school i am going to join the army, so failing classes is not too bad, but still pretty worrying

Mom's being a total bitch and has been for long, it has caused me feeling depressed in the first place, or well been part of it. Just got to know that she feels depressed because of me not doing anything because I feel depressed and now I feel even worse.

[QUOTE=Confuzzed Otto;39956592]Mom's being a total bitch and has been for long, it has caused me feeling depressed in the first place, or well been part of it. Just got to know that she feels depressed because of me not doing anything because I feel depressed and now I feel even worse.[/QUOTE] Have you considered talking to her about it? About your depression and why you've been stagnating, it might help her get an understanding of what is going on with you. It may not be the most easiest task, but take some time and thought into it, hopefully she'll understand.

[QUOTE=Qui Cattus;39953414]What do I do about this guy [img]http://i.imgur.com/wj2VDtn.png[/img][/QUOTE] The only thing you really can do; Talk to him. Be persistent. How old is he anyway? Has he shown these kinds of behaviors before? And what came of it? If you're near him, perhaps a visit would be in order. It's obvious he doesn't like the situation he's in, but maybe he just wants someone to talk to him or someone to listen to him even. [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Rolf alexander;39954758]i got badly depressed early this year, and my school attendance went straight to shit-town. all it means for me is that i have to spend a couple of months after school to re-do some of my classes, but i am having severe anxiety issues whenever it even just crosses my mind. i have already explained to my parents that i will have to redo some of my classes, and they were supportive of it. what i didnt tell them was that i had to do so because i had stayed at home a lot. i am so scared of how dissapointed they will be when they find out, i would be happier if they never find out at all. does anyone else strongly fear to seriously dissapoint your parents? might be worth mentioning that i have a steady job and after school i am going to join the army, so failing classes is not too bad, but still pretty worrying[/QUOTE] You have no idea how many people fear the same thing. To be honest, if its driving you to the point of self-deprecation and loathing, perhaps you should say something to them (preferably in a settled area so they aren't already in a stressed area). It seems your parents are supportive of you no matter what, though its a matter of time before all that bottled anxiety escapes you and explodes. You really don't want that to happen. [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Spacewolf;39953540]One of my closest friends has been really sad lately and as of now has been offline for over 24 hours. Maybe I'm paranoid but I'm really scared something happened.[/QUOTE] Any way you can contact them outside of the internet? Could check up on them if they're close by. Maybe a weird powersurge?

-snip-

I have the same thing- one day I'm feeling on top of the world, the next I feel like I don't deserve to live. Don't give up- it just makes it worse, because you crawl into a hole that you later have to be dragged out of before you suffocate. The best thing you can do if you feel like shit is either talk about it, or do something that you wouldn't necessarily enjoy, but more of a neutral activity, just something to keep your mind off of things for a while. When I feel like shit, the best way for me to feel better is to go ride my scooter- the ride starts out nice and easy, but that last uphill is a bitch. However, when I beat the uphill, I feel like I've conquered Mount Everest, and I ride down the hill triumphantly, listening to my favorite music, and best of all, happy.

[QUOTE=Vaught;39956902] Any way you can contact them outside of the internet? Could check up on them if they're close by. Maybe a weird powersurge?[/QUOTE] She's across the country from me. She has some friends I could contact but I don't know them very well. I think I might have to though. I'm really getting scared now, I hope she's okay.

Welp. I finally went and saw a doctor about my thoughts of suicide. He's doubling my medication and sent a referral for a mental health place for teens. I apparently lack serotonin or something.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;39765806]Does anyone else have problems looking at old photos of themselves? I'm fine with current ones/looking in the mirror/etc but when I look at pictures of myself as a kid I absolutely resent the person I see in them[/QUOTE] i know this is 2 weeks too late, but i feel depressed when i look back at my photos i feel like i could have done so much to stay that way but something pushed me off track i'm in a rut, i have 2 dreams that i'm striving for but neither of them i feel like i'm worthy of doing and i'm not sure how i can pick just one one is physical (basketball) and one is emotions (???, drama/acting) but i just don't feel like i have the necessary skills for either of them and i feel like since i'm starting at such a late age that i can't do them and i won't get anywhere with them and without all the prestigious things like being a thespian officer or being the varsity starter nothing in my life will ever evolve into something big like an nba star or a movie actor i'm sorry if my grammar is shit right now i can't focus [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] i mean it's not unreasonable that i'm depressed since i've been on accutane but it's not like it's out of the normal or it's new, i've been depressed before accutane and i know it's not causing it

[QUOTE=Spacewolf;39961288]She's across the country from me. She has some friends I could contact but I don't know them very well. I think I might have to though. I'm really getting scared now, I hope she's okay.[/QUOTE] If you truly feel she's in danger, no one can fault you on checking up on her. If you have to ask her friends, so be it, but sitting back and wondering "I hope" won't do you a whole lot of good unless you really believe she's fine. Just take it one step at a time, try to push aside those negative thoughts, and start asking around. It's better to worry and be relieved when you find out, than worry eternally. [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=The First 11'er;39961927]i know this is 2 weeks too late, but i feel depressed when i look back at my photos i feel like i could have done so much to stay that way but something pushed me off track i'm in a rut, i have 2 dreams that i'm striving for but neither of them i feel like i'm worthy of doing and i'm not sure how i can pick just one one is physical (basketball) and one is emotions (???, drama/acting) but i just don't feel like i have the necessary skills for either of them and i feel like since i'm starting at such a late age that i can't do them and i won't get anywhere with them and without all the prestigious things like being a thespian officer or being the varsity starter nothing in my life will ever evolve into something big like an nba star or a movie actor i'm sorry if my grammar is shit right now i can't focus [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] i mean it's not unreasonable that i'm depressed since i've been on accutane but it's not like it's out of the normal or it's new, i've been depressed before accutane and i know it's not causing it[/QUOTE] Sounds like anxiety to me. This is a real killer in regards to thought-processes and the sort. You have to remember that not everyone starts out an all-star. No one goes into acting the first few times and comes out an oscar-winning actor. No one throws a ball into a hoop a few times and is an NBA champ six times in a row. It takes time and effort. You have to focus on what you want to do and aim for it. I know its easier said than done, but believe me, practice makes perfect. Just because someone starts out late in life doesn't invalidate their efforts or works. Sounds like you have a lot of other things invading your life right now that really interfere with what you really want to do versus the things you have to do. Are you under a lot of pressure right now? Sometimes dreams have to wait until the other, non-fun things are dealt with. You can still strive for them, but it'll have to take second seat if there are more pressing matters. [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;39961727]Welp. I finally went and saw a doctor about my thoughts of suicide. He's doubling my medication and sent a referral for a mental health place for teens. I apparently lack serotonin or something.[/QUOTE] Hope everything turns out well. Everything relies on your action from this point.

[QUOTE=Vaught;39962831]If you truly feel she's in danger, no one can fault you on checking up on her. If you have to ask her friends, so be it, but sitting back and wondering "I hope" won't do you a whole lot of good unless you really believe she's fine. Just take it one step at a time, try to push aside those negative thoughts, and start asking around. It's better to worry and be relieved when you find out, than worry eternally.[/QUOTE] Y'know, I don't really believe she's in danger. She doesn't seem like the kind of person to just drop everything and give up. I'm just a paranoid person and the worst possible outcome is always what I expect to happen. Realistically, I'm sure she's fine, but it's also not like her to be offline for over 48 hours now. I just hope she's okay. [editline]18th March 2013[/editline] She's okay, but was strangely defensive when I asked if she was alright.

[QUOTE=Spacewolf;39963538]Y'know, I don't really believe she's in danger. She doesn't seem like the kind of person to just drop everything and give up. I'm just a paranoid person and the worst possible outcome is always what I expect to happen. Realistically, I'm sure she's fine, but it's also not like her to be offline for over 48 hours now. I just hope she's okay.[/QUOTE] Well, if you truly feel at ease knowing she can't possibly be in danger, then I suppose thats that. However, if you feel something is definitely off, investigating never hurts. It's totally your choice in the matter, I'm just offering a third party view and advice. [editline]19th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Spacewolf;39963538] She's okay, but was strangely defensive when I asked if she was alright.[/QUOTE] Hrm. Well, unless you wish to pry further (or you kind of bombarded her with questions :v: ), I suppose you have your answer.

[QUOTE=Vaught;39964083]Well, if you truly feel at ease knowing she can't possibly be in danger, then I suppose thats that. However, if you feel something is definitely off, investigating never hurts. It's totally your choice in the matter, I'm just offering a third party view and advice. [editline]19th March 2013[/editline] Hrm. Well, unless you wish to pry further (or you kind of bombarded her with questions :v: ), I suppose you have your answer.[/QUOTE] I'd love to know what happened, but I'm not one to push someting like that. I'm just glad she's okay.

[QUOTE=BubsDood;39943241]i started cutting a few days ago i can already see that this is the biggest mistake of my life nobody told me how addicting it was to feel a blade slice across my skin the cuts keep getting deeper and deeper and i don't even fucking know what i'm doing anymore sometimes i feel completely fine until something triggers a reaction in my head that necessitates self-harm i don't even know why i'm leaving this here, i don't know any of you that well hell, i don't even know what this post is trying to accomplish i'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow regretting posting this but w/e[/QUOTE] thisispain is correct in saying you should get help (I disagree with going directly to the hospital but it's completely your decision - if you can't think of any other resources it's a good option) but in the meantime if you find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to do it again it's a good idea to find a non-damaging alternative. My therapist once suggested either snapping a rubber band against your arm or squeezing ice cubes really hard until they melt. I used to burn myself (shouldn't claim in the past, as I've found myself doing it and/or wanting to do it rather recently as well) so I found the icecubes did a better job of emulating the kind of pain I wanted, I can imagine the rubber bands being a non-destructive alternative to cutting. In either case, destructive or not, it's not a very healthy thing to become dependant on so it's a good idea to get help with the underlying reasons for why you want to do it. That's where a therapist would come in handy.

[QUOTE=Fort83;39966992]So I'm 21, 22 next month. And I've spent most of my life wishing it could be different, that I shouldn't done something instead of what I did, or go down one path when instead I chose another. Sometimes I wish that I was privileged to have the life I wanted for myself, but knew it wouldn't be. I left home for school and I spent these past few years wishing and day dreaming about what I wish my life should've been from when I was 18 up till now. Now i'm not talking about a party I wish i went to or a girl I wish I could've asked out. I'm talking about the path I should've chosen for my life. The career dream I should've stuck with instead of sacrificing it for "high-school love". I always felt I was stuck with this decision and it never really clicked until now that I can still have that life I dream about, and I'm currently on my way to getting back on the path. Has anyone ever experienced or felt something similar?[/QUOTE] That's probably something a lot of people experience in life. They ask themselves "What if.." and think about what could've been. I'd like to think this is totally natural for people to think about. Whether or not they (people) act on it is another story. I do it quite frequently as well. It might have something to do with anxiety, but I really have nothing to back this up. What you could've done and what you should've done are just those daydreams where you ponder about a different life. From the looks of it, it seems you're acting upon it, which is a good thing. I'd like to think that, up until you get out of highschool, a lot of choices feel forced with very little maneuverability. I used to feel this way in high school until I learned I pursued something I enjoyed versus things I needed to do to impress my family.

I had my blood and urine tested today. Let's just say that was my first experience with filling a container with urine. Anyways I'm going to pick up my medication now and I'll be taking my first dose tomorrow. I'll keep posting how that works.

i don't understand this. why the fuck can people rapid fire respond then as soon as you send a message with a certain context it either takes them 2 hours to respond, they fell asleep or never got the text. of fucking course i understand this it's one of the reasons why i'm so fucking jaded i can't even enter a relationship with pretty much anyone. misanthropic for good reason. [editline]19th March 2013[/editline] people are just such god damn pussies

Depression basically. I kept getting backstabbed by my friends since 4th grade to 9th grade. Bullied for my overweight (led to anorexia, which I am recovering from kind of now) from 5th to 8th grade (severe bullying kind of, as in following me home, pushing me around, throwing stuff at me). Due to the anorexia, it made me go around with big ugly clothes which used to give people the impression of me being fat. I knew I didn't look too good either. Which obviously gave me a bad self esteem and confidence in about everything. I feel paranoid about things. I am on pills to keep me happy. I am also diagnosed with ADD and show a few symptoms from autism (extremely resistant to change, new things etc). I often think about suicide, due to feeling hated, lonely and on the edge of losing what I have left. I have about 1 friend left, as well as my girlfriend. If possible, I never leave the house because I'm afraid of new people and/or what people might think of me. My girlfriend has also said yes to threesome with another guy and girl (she didn't know him), and the way I found out was me being on her facebook. I took a picture, she saw it, but still denies it even though she knows I know it. She has also said no to me meeting her, but later found out she said yes to some other friend. Keep in mind, it was in the beginning of the relationship she did this, and it must be over 7 months since something like that happened. The real problem with all this (ADD, social anxiety, slight autism?, paranoid, depression, feeling lonely) is that it makes me extremely worried about my girlfriend. I always get a bad feeling when she's with friends (afraid of getting backstabbed, them talking behind my back etc) so I often end up getting mad at her, even though it is not her fault. Whenever I'm not with her, I ask tons of questions, ranging from simple things like where she is to more complictdd things like who she has been talking to, what they talked about etc. So what can I do? Living with all this on my mind is unbearable, and several suicide attempts have been tried but without succeeding.

[QUOTE=NeoSeeker;39974218]i don't understand this. why the fuck can people rapid fire respond then as soon as you send a message with a certain context it either takes them 2 hours to respond, they fell asleep or never got the text. of fucking course i understand this it's one of the reasons why i'm so fucking jaded i can't even enter a relationship with pretty much anyone. misanthropic for good reason. [editline]19th March 2013[/editline] people are just such god damn pussies[/QUOTE] Maybe people actually don't get the text or do fall asleep, depending on the time of day or what the other person does. Technology is fickle, so perhaps a confirmation message such as "Hey, did you get that text?" And if they fell asleep, bring it up when they wake up. If they're still throwing excuses, they're either not comfortable talking about it, or they're not worth the trouble to get an answer out of. If so, just shrug it off and move on. Can't really force someone to answer you outside of throttling them. A lot of people are afraid of speaking up (from my observation anyway), especially with certain context. Hell, even a delayed response is better than none at all.

I stumbled across this song, and it made me feel so peaceful. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qU2MXeAz1E[/media] Seriously, nothing's put me at ease of mind more than this song in a long time.

[QUOTE=PredGD;39974348]Depression basically. I kept getting backstabbed by my friends since 4th grade to 9th grade. Bullied for my overweight (led to anorexia, which I am recovering from kind of now) from 5th to 8th grade (severe bullying kind of, as in following me home, pushing me around, throwing stuff at me). Due to the anorexia, it made me go around with big ugly clothes which used to give people the impression of me being fat. I knew I didn't look too good either. Which obviously gave me a bad self esteem and confidence in about everything. I feel paranoid about things. I am on pills to keep me happy. I am also diagnosed with ADD and show a few symptoms from autism (extremely resistant to change, new things etc). I often think about suicide, due to feeling hated, lonely and on the edge of losing what I have left. I have about 1 friend left, as well as my girlfriend. If possible, I never leave the house because I'm afraid of new people and/or what people might think of me. My girlfriend has also said yes to threesome with another guy and girl (she didn't know him), and the way I found out was me being on her facebook. I took a picture, she saw it, but still denies it even though she knows I know it. She has also said no to me meeting her, but later found out she said yes to some other friend. Keep in mind, it was in the beginning of the relationship she did this, and it must be over 7 months since something like that happened. The real problem with all this (ADD, social anxiety, slight autism?, paranoid, depression, feeling lonely) is that it makes me extremely worried about my girlfriend. I always get a bad feeling when she's with friends (afraid of getting backstabbed, them talking behind my back etc) so I often end up getting mad at her, even though it is not her fault. Whenever I'm not with her, I ask tons of questions, ranging from simple things like where she is to more complictdd things like who she has been talking to, what they talked about etc. So what can I do? Living with all this on my mind is unbearable, and several suicide attempts have been tried but without succeeding.[/QUOTE] Seems like depression, trust issues, and anxiety is ruling your life. First off, the past is the past, you'll have to let that go. You can only look at that and learn from the mistakes you made, then move on. If friends have turned out to just stab you in your back, then they weren't friends to begin with. If your girlfriend is lying to you about sexual outings and happier around friends, which in turns makes you anxious when she's around friends, it might be you looking for a reason for you two to stay together. From what I gather at this point, it seems you're very defensive of her and want to make sure she isn't doing anything, which in turn would make her more irritated and upset by the constant barrages of questions. I don't know what I could suggest, as I used to go through this sort of thing. First off, have you gone to a hospital or mental health expert to discuss these feelings? Especially about the suicide attempts? Is your girlfriend or the thought of being romantically alone a source of constant grief? Do you have any peers/family members you can totally trust to disclose this to? Sometimes all it takes is having someone you know you can trust.

[QUOTE=Vaught;39974568]Seems like depression, trust issues, and anxiety is ruling your life. First off, the past is the past, you'll have to let that go. You can only look at that and learn from the mistakes you made, then move on. If friends have turned out to just stab you in your back, then they weren't friends to begin with. If your girlfriend is lying to you about sexual outings and happier around friends, which in turns makes you anxious when she's around friends, it might be you looking for a reason for you two to stay together. From what I gather at this point, it seems you're very defensive of her and want to make sure she isn't doing anything, which in turn would make her more irritated and upset by the constant barrages of questions. I don't know what I could suggest, as I used to go through this sort of thing. First off, have you gone to a hospital or mental health expert to discuss these feelings? Especially about the suicide attempts? Is your girlfriend or the thought of being romantically alone a source of constant grief? Do you have any peers/family members you can totally trust to disclose this to? Sometimes all it takes is having someone you know you can trust.[/QUOTE] I've always told myself to let things go and just try to forget the past, but it just doesn't work out. Sometmes, I manage to keep that attitude and somehow become a little happier, but I often go back to thinking about the past. It's really difficult for me, as I've grown up in a hostile environment with being overweight, being backstabbed and bullied. As you mention it, I come to think of it. The thing I dislike the most about my girlfriend being with friends is the fact I am afraid she enjoys their company more than mine. I look at myself as a person who wishes control over his girlfriend. Which upsets me, because I don't want to be like that. My girlfriend is fully aware of my past and my disorder(s), and luckily she is supportive and understands why I act like I do. I've never gone to an expert or a hospital, but an expert has been considered. And yes, I'm terrified of losing my girlfriend. To me, it feels like she is the only person in the world who I have been able to trust (this really varies. If she doesn't do things I dislike, I end up trusting her for a while without barraging her with questions. But as soon as something I really dislike happens, all of my trust vanishs, and it becomes terribly hard to build that up again) the only person who have ever cared about me. The only person I feel I could talk to is my mother. She has gone through bullying, drug abuse and anorexia, which probably helps her to understand my situation.