Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I really should start exercising again. I've become so lazy and lethargic. I don't even do anything on my computer except refresh pages waiting for anything new.

I know a lot of you guys have really big problems with social anxiety and self esteem. Your not socially awkward, you just think everybody is judging you. When you look at a random person laughing with his friends, do you think he is strange for laughing in public? Do you analyze every bit of his normality, and judge him? If you don't, no one else does. Hell, Ive had so many embarrassing moments in high school. Does anyone remember? They actually don't. No one gives a fuck (Quite blunt, I know.) about your mannerisms and you in general. Their not going to analyze every bit of you. Your just another person to them. If you feel hopeless, and you think your lower than others, your not. Just because somebody does something better than you doesn't mean anything. You may not be good physically, but you have so many good things about you. Maybe you have the biggest, caring heart. Maybe your a survivor, and people come to you for advice because they know you can help them. You may be introverted, but that's not bad. Hating people and being anti-social is bad. Your perfectly normal. Your smart, talented at your own skills, and you need to believe that. You need to love yourself, its not egotistical, its good for you. Tell yourself that your awesome! Do you know how many problems you can fix by just believing in yourself? Years ago, I was an outcast. I only had one friend, and I hated myself. Immaturely, I was called "Rat" as my nickname. I told myself, fuck all that. I changed. I dressed better, picked up hobbies, fixed up my looks, and believed in myself. Now, Im either unknown, or liked. You can do that too. I know for that lengthy post, but I want people who shared the same problems to hear what's the truth for them. You are amazing! Dont let anybody or yourself tell you your not!

Wasn't really sure where to post this but this seems like the right place honestly. I have this problem when I come to really like a tv series, I get way too attached to the characters to the point where I end up with this god awful empty feeling hanging over me when they leave the show for example. Makes me wonder if I'm depressed without even realising it, its like I feel a connection to these characters that I don't seem to get anywhere else in life. It is really hard to explain. Its like they tick all the boxes for companions I wish I had or something like that, something just connects me to them in a major way, not sure what it is. It does make me feel a little bit pathetic honestly. For example I recently finished Season 5 of Dexter (I wont make any spoilers) and a character that I really liked having around ended up leaving and I'm left with this feeling. It seems like a mixture of sadness, anxiety and a weird feeling that I can only describe as knowing that you will never see that 'person' again and you cant just jump into their world and find them. Its like I put too much of myself into these things. I end up feeling as though I'm actually a part of it, which is probably why I get so many feelings. My two cents are that I enjoy the escapism from real life so much that I more or less 'place' myself into these shows to forget about reality and all the mundane things of real life so I can feel a part of something I like much more. I'm rambling because I'm hopelessly trying to put all this confusing stuff into words. I'd really appreciate someone to throw their two cents at this too, its not so much worrying me but I'd like to have a greater understanding of why I get such strong emotions.

Meh I get that with some TV series, hell I got that with AoT and that has terrible characters. Probably just means I spend too much time in doors.

Trying some new supplement/medication for my mental health and depression. It seems to be helping so far, but it could just be placebo effect. I'm worried that might be the case. Really hope it isn't this time round. But at the very least one of its other advertised claims is working; all the phlegm I've had in my throat from being sick is shooting out of me. :v:

There's a quote I know... that were put into a series of gifs that featured primarily big movies/series that went something like, "I do not want these characters to come to life, I do not want them to be in this mundane place where I am not special like them; no, I want to join them, and be fantastic, with them, and be a part of their wonderful, fictitious world" strikes pretty hard, it does [editline]26th May 2014[/editline] ...anyway yeah if a show is making you feel feelings then theyre probably doing something right.

i had to revise my prescription and *when* i actually take it: i had to deal with an miserable 2 weeks of insomnia before i changed my schedule to taking it in the morning. i don't feel mentally numb anymore as much as i used to, so at least that's something

I can't deal with life anymore. I feel like a massive fucking burden on everyone that puts weight AND stress on them. I can't go a day without getting shout at by an adult for doing something I wasn't even AWARE of doing. I'm asocial, because of my Aspergers. And I'm one clumsy fuck too, I'll constantly ram into things I never meant. I have ADHD and I find it hard to focus on something or even stay motivated. My grades have been on the decline for the past two years. My suicide thoughts have gotten worse over the past five months. I feel lonely with no "actual" friends to hang out with. I'm 230lbs which is overweight, on the verge of obesity. Every time I try to lose weight, I just CAN'T due to lack of motivation. I sit my ass in front of the computer all day with nothing interesting to do, always changing what I'm doing due to my ADHD. tl;dr I'm a waste of food, oxygen, space, and money where it could be spend somewhere else like those kids in Africa. [editline]27th May 2014[/editline] Oh, and I'm well hated on this forum because of this. [IMG]http://puu.sh/93SUf.jpg[/IMG] goddamnit, I just wanna belong somewhere where I can fucking blend in, but society or some community pushes me out and makes me a fucking social reject.

Have you tried ADHD meds? The depressed feelings can be from failing so much at life due to ADHD.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;44926403]Have you tried ADHD meds? The depressed feelings can be from failing so much at life due to ADHD.[/QUOTE] My dad says I don't need them. Truth is, I really do need them.

[QUOTE=Swog;44926419]My dad says I don't need them. Truth is, I really do need them.[/QUOTE] Worth a shot, also the [URL="http://www.reddit.com/r/adhd"]Reddit ADHD page[/URL] is strangely helpful, unlike a lot of other mental health reddits like depression ones (which are usually just pages of vents or cries for attention).

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;44926474]Worth a shot, also the [URL="http://www.reddit.com/r/adhd"]Reddit ADHD page[/URL] is strangely helpful, unlike a lot of other mental health reddits like depression ones (which are usually just pages of vents or cries for attention).[/QUOTE] He interrupted me before I even got to the ADHD meds. Screw this, if he's going to shut me out and not consider my needs, then why bother trying?

Just go to your doctor yourself.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;44926918]Just go to your doctor yourself.[/QUOTE] Not even legal age yet and the fact that you need parents consent shoots down the idea.

[QUOTE=Swog;44926944]Not even legal age yet and the fact that you need parents consent shoots down the idea.[/QUOTE] What about getting a note from your doctor to your parents saying you need it?

[QUOTE=Swog;44925902]I can't deal with life anymore. I feel like a massive fucking burden on everyone that puts weight AND stress on them. I can't go a day without getting shout at by an adult for doing something I wasn't even AWARE of doing. I'm asocial, because of my Aspergers. And I'm one clumsy fuck too, I'll constantly ram into things I never meant. I have ADHD and I find it hard to focus on something or even stay motivated. My grades have been on the decline for the past two years. My suicide thoughts have gotten worse over the past five months. I feel lonely with no "actual" friends to hang out with. I'm 230lbs which is overweight, on the verge of obesity. Every time I try to lose weight, I just CAN'T due to lack of motivation. I sit my ass in front of the computer all day with nothing interesting to do, always changing what I'm doing due to my ADHD. tl;dr I'm a waste of food, oxygen, space, and money where it could be spend somewhere else like those kids in Africa. [editline]27th May 2014[/editline] Oh, and I'm well hated on this forum because of this. [IMG]http://puu.sh/93SUf.jpg[/IMG] goddamnit, I just wanna belong somewhere where I can fucking blend in, but society or some community pushes me out and makes me a fucking social reject.[/QUOTE] I'm glad you posted here! it's better to post about these issues here compared to WAYT, as most people there won't understand as they haven't experienced depression and anxiety on their own. first off, don't let diagnoses and thoughts become an excuse for acting the way you do. that'll only halt your road to recovery as it simply gives you an excuse not to do something about it. diagnoses are there to explain why you're doing something, so never let it be an excuse to not do something as easy as it might be. I don't want to shoot down your diagnose and that kind of stuff, but when you say "always changing what I'm doing due to my ADHD" then you may as well have been diagnosed wrongly as you're aware of it and "believe" it up in your head. just keep that in mind, you may as well manage to make things worse simply by thinking of it as, I mention it again, an excuse. you seem to not want to improve in a way, to keep going the way you do, and I understand that if that's the situation. there was a loooong period of my life too where I didn't want to fix myself simply because I wanted attention and care through my problems. I wanted to feel bad for myself, I wanted people to notice I struggled. obviously that's just an incredibly dumb thing to do as you single handily make everything worse later on. don't respond to replies like that in WAYT either. if it's a dumb post, people will call it out. answering that and trying to defend yourself will just make things even worse. it's better to just let people call you out on things then read what they say and learn from it. eventually people will think you've changed to the better!

[QUOTE=PredGD;44927105]first off, don't let diagnoses and thoughts become an excuse for acting the way you do. that'll only halt your road to recovery as it simply gives you an excuse not to do something about it. diagnoses are there to explain why you're doing something, so never let it be an excuse to not do something as easy as it might be.[/QUOTE] Quoting this because it's good advice. Everything you described can be- at the bare minimum, treated and/or adapted to. Therapists and shit wouldn't exist if there was nothing that could be done. I'm not a therapist and I don't know you well enough to recommend anything, but there [i]is[/i] something you can do. It's just a puzzle waiting to be solved, really. Also, I'd like to throw out there that, as corny as it sounds, you won't be able to blend in and fit into communities until you learn to love yourself. People won't love you if you don't love you. It really does sound like the moral of a children's movie or some shit, but goddamn me for not watching these movies then, because I learned that the hard way, and that shit was no fun, lemme tell you. Your powerful desire to be accepted probably doesn't help much either- people are most comfortable with others when they know that their social acquaintance won't break down if they don't choose their words carefully to avoid implying anything short of total acceptance. Like I said before, I don't know you well enough to tell you what it is you have to do to change your mindset so dramatically- but you know yourself more than well enough to find it out. Remember, it's a puzzle; all you have to do is find the solution.

All of you, watch this video now [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTjww638BM8[/media]

[QUOTE=Swog;44925902]I can't deal with life anymore. I feel like a massive fucking burden on everyone that puts weight AND stress on them. I can't go a day without getting shout at by an adult for doing something I wasn't even AWARE of doing. I'm asocial, because of my Aspergers. And I'm one clumsy fuck too, I'll constantly ram into things I never meant. I have ADHD and I find it hard to focus on something or even stay motivated. My grades have been on the decline for the past two years. My suicide thoughts have gotten worse over the past five months. I feel lonely with no "actual" friends to hang out with. I'm 230lbs which is overweight, on the verge of obesity. Every time I try to lose weight, I just CAN'T due to lack of motivation. I sit my ass in front of the computer all day with nothing interesting to do, always changing what I'm doing due to my ADHD. tl;dr I'm a waste of food, oxygen, space, and money where it could be spend somewhere else like those kids in Africa. [editline]27th May 2014[/editline] Oh, and I'm well hated on this forum because of this. [IMG]http://puu.sh/93SUf.jpg[/IMG] goddamnit, I just wanna belong somewhere where I can fucking blend in, but society or some community pushes me out and makes me a fucking social reject.[/QUOTE] I don't want to see you be depressed, but please for the love of god, straighten yourself up before you go back to WAYT. The treatment you get in there isn't entirely undeserved. When you interact with a community, you must follow THEIR norms. Study the thread for a bit and learn our likes and dislikes and how to act. Going against the grain will get you nowhere.

Nothing seems to be helping my mood swings. I'm afraid I really am bipolar. I don't really want to go on lithium if that is the case. I'm gonna go see the doctor sometime this week or the next, figure out once and for all.

I have severe anxiety and depression and recently have started having regular panic attacks at school. I also have intrusive thoughts and urges to break things, I can't focus in school, I feel like people are always talking about me and that they are looking though my PC and seeing what I'm doing when I'm not at school. I'm too scared and paranoid to go out unless it's a long way away so no one I know will be there. They want to do a test for ADHD but I think there is something else. What could this be?

Swog I remember I used to be in your exact situation in STGYM & Gay Chat until I learned to always be on top of the situation aka realise why people act like why they act

What can I do to get over this fear of death? I don't think about it too much during the day, but when I'm in bed ready to go to sleep, it's the only thing I think about. I really freak out about it-- I'm not religious, which is why I find an issue with it. To be more specific, I'm afraid of what happens after death, not actually dying, as in drowning, accident, etc. Because it's absolutely unknown, I get heavy anxiety. My main question is, "What if I just cease to exist with no recollection of anything?" I don't worry about whether there's a Heaven, and I understand many of the FP users are atheists, but I still consider myself a Catholic, albeit a very lazy one. I apologize for just rambling, but it's really stressing me out. It's difficult to fall asleep because of it, and I try to force my mind out of it, but that just makes me think about it more. Death is so inevitable and shit, I'm getting nervous about it now. It's only a matter of time before my short time on this Earth is finished, and the unknown takes over. Ughhhhh.

[QUOTE=V;44938823]What can I do to get over this fear of death? I don't think about it too much during the day, but when I'm in bed ready to go to sleep, it's the only thing I think about. I really freak out about it-- I'm not religious, which is why I find an issue with it. To be more specific, I'm afraid of what happens after death, not actually dying, as in drowning, accident, etc. Because it's absolutely unknown, I get heavy anxiety. My main question is, "What if I just cease to exist with no recollection of anything?" I don't worry about whether there's a Heaven, and I understand many of the FP users are atheists, but I still consider myself a Catholic, albeit a very lazy one. I apologize for just rambling, but it's really stressing me out. It's difficult to fall asleep because of it, and I try to force my mind out of it, but that just makes me think about it more. Death is so inevitable and shit, I'm getting nervous about it now. It's only a matter of time before my short time on this Earth is finished, and the unknown takes over. Ughhhhh.[/QUOTE] Way I see it, the infinite amount of time that death lasts would feel a helluva lot longer if you were conscious for it. Personally, I don't feel much of a fear of death itself- it seems peaceful, really. None of the noise and stress of life. Nothing at all. Just a really relaxed dirt nap. Now, dying, on the other hand... That seems like a really shitty process to go through.

[QUOTE=V;44938823]What can I do to get over this fear of death? I don't think about it too much during the day, but when I'm in bed ready to go to sleep, it's the only thing I think about. I really freak out about it-- I'm not religious, which is why I find an issue with it. To be more specific, I'm afraid of what happens after death, not actually dying, as in drowning, accident, etc. Because it's absolutely unknown, I get heavy anxiety. My main question is, "What if I just cease to exist with no recollection of anything?" I don't worry about whether there's a Heaven, and I understand many of the FP users are atheists, but I still consider myself a Catholic, albeit a very lazy one. I apologize for just rambling, but it's really stressing me out. It's difficult to fall asleep because of it, and I try to force my mind out of it, but that just makes me think about it more. Death is so inevitable and shit, I'm getting nervous about it now. It's only a matter of time before my short time on this Earth is finished, and the unknown takes over. Ughhhhh.[/QUOTE] This is literally me, minus the Catholic part. I just try my best not to think about what happens after I die, although I too get times where I'm trying to sleep and I can't stop thinking about the possibility of Hell existing. [QUOTE=Raxas;44941325]Way I see it, the infinite amount of time that death lasts would feel a helluva lot longer if you were conscious for it. Personally, I don't feel much of a fear of death itself- it seems peaceful, really. None of the noise and stress of life. Nothing at all. Just a really relaxed dirt nap. Now, dying, on the other hand... That seems like a really shitty process to go through.[/QUOTE] As long as you don't die a traumatic death, I hear passing away feels pretty good, as your brain begins to break up and release some pretty damn good stuff.

[QUOTE=V;44938823]What can I do to get over this fear of death? I don't think about it too much during the day, but when I'm in bed ready to go to sleep, it's the only thing I think about. I really freak out about it-- I'm not religious, which is why I find an issue with it. To be more specific, I'm afraid of what happens after death, not actually dying, as in drowning, accident, etc. Because it's absolutely unknown, I get heavy anxiety. My main question is, "What if I just cease to exist with no recollection of anything?" I don't worry about whether there's a Heaven, and I understand many of the FP users are atheists, but I still consider myself a Catholic, albeit a very lazy one. I apologize for just rambling, but it's really stressing me out. It's difficult to fall asleep because of it, and I try to force my mind out of it, but that just makes me think about it more. Death is so inevitable and shit, I'm getting nervous about it now. It's only a matter of time before my short time on this Earth is finished, and the unknown takes over. Ughhhhh.[/QUOTE] Oddly I was kind of in the same position as yourself, I'm an atheist but I grew up in a Jehovah's Witness family and life after death was pretty much everything to me. My life was so garbage any way death seemed to be an appealing alternative. When I finally ended up an atheist over things I won't discuss here, it really hit me that I was going to die and there was no god who would save me and probably no after life to compensate me no matter how bad my life got, and I'll be honest it sucked dreadfully and was pretty depressing and scary at the time. How I got over it is a bit weird though and probably isn't exactly how you would get over it, since I just kind of got to the point where I though "my life is so fucking shite there's no way it could get much worse than this", which I'm guessing isn't much of a comfort to you. At the end of the day I find it morbidly comforting to know that its something that happens to everyone, so you're not alone in your fear and you won't be the only person to have died. If it really is nothing, then chances are you aren't conscious in a way to perceive nothing, so to you it won't matter. That's all I can really say in the end. Luckily I have no fears of hell since I grew up in a religion that said that if you were a bad person you just cease to exist any way, not that I believe any of that stuff any way but it's nice to not have eternal torture in the back of my mind.

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;44942230]At the end of the day I find it morbidly comforting to know that its something that happens to everyone, so you're not alone in your fear and you won't be the only person to have died. If it really is nothing, then chances are you aren't conscious in a way to perceive nothing, so to you it won't matter. That's all I can really say in the end.[/QUOTE] I'm confident that if there is no god, and therefore no afterlife, then being dead would feel just the same as not being born yet. Hopefully that's a comforting thought for you to have.

Today, I took my fourth driving lesson. First lesson was alright. Second lesson was not good. Third lesson was great. The fourth one...it was bad enough to make me post here. I was fucking horrible at it. Everything I did I got called out for. By the time it was close to being over, I felt so fucking worthless. My only way to move forward in life is getting a fucking license, and here I am FUCKING IT UP. I was then going to treat myself to a pizza after the lesson. On the way to the pizza place, I dropped my fucking twenty dollar bill. Didn't notice until I was ordering, and wasting the fucking cashier's time. I've never felt like more of a fuckup in my life. This is the second bad day in a row.

Does anyone else just have a life where you just feel its fucked from here on? Honestly I'm at the point where I can't see this getting any better, in fact I can only see it getting worse, I have pretty much only 2 friends now, one I haven't seen face to face in almost a year and the other is just not that great to be around, considering he's a narcissist but also a racist, and loves the Nazis (not even joking, we were discussing wolfenstein recently and he said he didn't like it and would want to save the nazis, but this is mild compared to the shit he used to say in the past) and even he is off at uni currently so its not like I hang around with him and the guys attached to him much, so I have pretty much nobody in my life currently who I can honestly trust or enjoy being around. I pretty much just spend every day inside now doing fuck all because I feel too depressed to do anything productive and honestly have no ambitions what so ever considering I just feel everything will get worse from this point on no matter what I do, and it isn't even like I can cry to relieve the feeling since I seem to be incapable of crying any more which makes sadness and depression feelings fucking dreadful, like a pressure you can't get rid of (even though I'm not clinically depressed in any way). I mean what exactly is my future going to be? Working in an office every day bored out my mind, going home (assuming I'll ever be able to afford to move out) until I eventually die a lonely miserable death most likely around my 40's or 50's? I've read so many stories by people all the way into their 40's who just have nothing, no friends, never had any relationships, they just work and nothing else, it hardly even seems like a life to me, and yet I can already see that being me and scares me so damn much, nothing else quite frightens me more than the idea of that, I'd rather be dead. It doesn't help that I can't socialise for shit and get hit with anxiety whenever I try, making it ridiculously difficult to get out of this. Honestly at this point I just don't know what to do any more, is there even anything I can really do?

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;44952185]Does anyone else just have a life where you just feel its fucked from here on? Honestly I'm at the point where I can't see this getting any better, in fact I can only see it getting worse, I have pretty much only 2 friends now, one I haven't seen face to face in almost a year and the other is just not that great to be around, considering he's a narcissist but also a racist, and loves the Nazis (not even joking, we were discussing wolfenstein recently and he said he didn't like it and would want to save the nazis, but this is mild compared to the shit he used to say in the past) and even he is off at uni currently so its not like I hang around with him and the guys attached to him much, so I have pretty much nobody in my life currently who I can honestly trust or enjoy being around. I pretty much just spend every day inside now doing fuck all because I feel too depressed to do anything productive and honestly have no ambitions what so ever considering I just feel everything will get worse from this point on no matter what I do, and it isn't even like I can cry to relieve the feeling since I seem to be incapable of crying any more which makes sadness and depression feelings fucking dreadful, like a pressure you can't get rid of (even though I'm not clinically depressed in any way). I mean what exactly is my future going to be? Working in an office every day bored out my mind, going home (assuming I'll ever be able to afford to move out) until I eventually die a lonely miserable death most likely around my 40's or 50's? I've read so many stories by people all the way into their 40's who just have nothing, no friends, never had any relationships, they just work and nothing else, it hardly even seems like a life to me, and yet I can already see that being me and scares me so damn much, nothing else quite frightens me more than the idea of that, I'd rather be dead. It doesn't help that I can't socialise for shit and get hit with anxiety whenever I try, making it ridiculously difficult to get out of this. Honestly at this point I just don't know what to do any more, is there even anything I can really do?[/QUOTE] holy shit are you me