Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I honestly don't know what is wrong with me, I feel like I'm cracking and about to fall apart. It's like some sort of stir crazy or manic depression all I know is that its bad right now. One moment I'm feeling fine, I'm feeling like things are well. But then suddenly out of nowhere I'm hit with all of this sadness and regret for things that have happened in my past, I regret not doing things, not telling people how I felt/feel about them for better or worse. I even regret things that haven't been my fault if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel like I want to just break down totally and cry my eyes out. I don't have a goal for my life like so many of my friends do, I don't have a single thing I'm connected to via passion. Sometimes I feel like I love my friends too much, I don't want to disappoint them ever and yet I always feel I do. I have a major fear of loss and I worry all of the time about losing my friends and those I like being around to some stupid mistakes. I don't know who I really am sometimes, I feel like a piece of shit. Multiple times in the past month I have had brooding thoughts of walking deep into the woods where no one has to see and just ending it all. I feel like I'm trapped in my thoughts and lost in an infinite amount of pointless regret.

im done

[QUOTE=Thug;45164814]im done[/QUOTE] I feel this way sometimes, that I can't continue or that there isn't any point to. It's only natural when you're depressed, but understanding that its just the depression helps me break out of it. Consider seeing a professional, or just let it all out here, there are a lot of people in this thread that feel the same. It doesn't have to be the end, you don't have to be done. Knowledge is power, and power over depression will keep you afloat. It takes time, so don't worry if it doesn't click immediately, just know that it will eventually. In the mean time, take a break from everything, just chill out for a while, maybe cry to let some of the stress out, we won't judge you... and if anyone does, just remember its irrelevant to your situation. Don't let them egg on your problems.

Remember to keep yourself occupied with stuff you love. Don't give a change to brood over negative emotions.

I just hate it when you want to type something, say something, write something, tell them something, but nobody gives a fuck. No one cares about what you have to say, your interests, your opinions, nothing. Not even you. I hate that feeling where you just realize that. I don't want all these material items. I just want a good friend. Someone I can throw the love into that nobody spends trying to give me. I'm starting to hate me again. I'm sick.

[QUOTE=blitzown;45173063]I just hate it when you want to type something, say something, write something, tell them something, but nobody gives a fuck. No one cares about what you have to say, your interests, your opinions, nothing. Not even you. I hate that feeling where you just realize that. I don't want all these material items. I just want a good friend. Someone I can throw the love into that nobody spends trying to give me. I'm starting to hate me again. I'm sick.[/QUOTE] [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/O8rVJjd.png[/IMG] [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Insensitive/trolling" - NiandraLades))[/highlight] [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("alt of Johnny Guitar" - postal))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=puppy 101;45173086][/QUOTE] Honestly, I don't even care if you're joking. I don't care who you are, or where you are from. You are something else. I don't wish anything on you, no pain, no anguish, no anything. I merely hope you learn something in the future when something happens to you. I hope you don't end up badly, but honestly how fucking dare you.

[QUOTE=Matthew0505;45174690]How the hell do you manage 8 bans with 14 posts[/QUOTE] Old posts were removed couple years back unless your posts were in threads that got bumped before the purge. Hence his odd post count.

Thank you to NiandraLades and postal for banning the troll. Guys I want to say that please, if anything else, at least do not kill yourselves over a reaction to you such as the stupid image just posted. If they aren't helpful then they usually don't care about actually helping you, so please do not care about what they post. Please don't kill yourselves without letting others actually help you. Don't let the vile and/or flippant posts affect you. Just a reminder :o Those that truly care want to help you, and we're here.

wish I wasn't so sensitive to replies/comments/etc with a negative undertone. I know when I've screwed up and made a bad post, that I can agree on, but it still hurts pretty bad when the replies starts coming with agrees piling on top of each other. my case isn't as bad as what I described now (or not yet at least), but nonetheless it's not comfortable. feels like it'll be forever known and that people hate me over one dumb post which wasn't stirring up shit either. really wish people weren't so rude when replying to posts which aren't rude, it just feels bad [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG]

[QUOTE=PredGD;45177896]wish I wasn't so sensitive to replies/comments/etc with a negative undertone. I know when I've screwed up and made a bad post, that I can agree on, but it still hurts pretty bad when the replies starts coming with agrees piling on top of each other. my case isn't as bad as what I described now (or not yet at least), but nonetheless it's not comfortable. feels like it'll be forever known and that people hate me over one dumb post which wasn't stirring up shit either. really wish people weren't so rude when replying to posts which aren't rude, it just feels bad [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG][/QUOTE] i think people just lack empathy, i don't know unless someone is an obvious troll or a really terrible person i try to word my thougths properly, as in fuck, why should i insult other person for some stupid reason?

[QUOTE=Amic;45178134]i think people just lack empathy, i don't know unless someone is an obvious troll or a really terrible person i try to word my thougths properly, as in fuck, why should i insult other person for some stupid reason?[/QUOTE] I don't think people lack empathy, but more that people can be much more blunt when they're anonymous. personally I think like you said too, I find it very unnecessary to post with a negative undertone to someone unless I actually get mad, there's just no point since all it does is possibly stir up more shit in my opinion

You have to be a proper sociopath to mess with depressed people for fun. It's too easy and has real life consequences all too often. If you get kicks from trolling, wasting people's time in a video game or something is one thing but telling people who already want to kill themselves to kill themselves is a whole new level. It's not really trolling but instead a straight up psychological attack on someone.

i wouldnt be able to live with myself if i knew my careless actions caused someone to end their lives

[QUOTE=elevate;45178221]i wouldnt be able to live with myself if i knew my careless actions caused someone to end their lives[/QUOTE] That's what makes it really weird, you literally have to have no empathy to do it.

what did puppy 101 post by the way? understandable if it can't be posted again, just curious what he did

[QUOTE=PredGD;45178300]what did puppy 101 post by the way? understandable if it can't be posted again, just curious what he did[/QUOTE] [sp]ms paint picutre of a hanging man[/sp]

[QUOTE=Amic;45178548][sp]ms paint picutre of a hanging man[/sp][/QUOTE] It happened to be directed towards me and as someone who already takes things harshly I still can't get it out of my head that someone just straight up told me to kill myself. I already have enough issues, it makes me not even want to be on Facepunch.

I've been told to post this here, (although it probably would have been better to do that back when I still had respect) Everything feels pointless, I'm not smart and not athletic or good looking. I'm dull, lazy and I don't take care of myself. I don't know if situational and chemical depression are a real things or just bullshit I fell for again, but I think I have both. About a few weeks ago I stopped taking anti-psychotics and anti-depressants all together because I've been taking pills for 13 years and I'm sick of it. Everything is boring to me, I used to play video games but I lost interest so the only thing I would want to do was draw, and I recently lost interest in that too. I recently lost the only friend I had in a year because I was only thinking of myself. I have no friends, not even online ones. I removed everyone on my steam friends list. I don't think I will be able to do what I want in life because I am like this all the time and I don't have any independence, sometimes I am not even allowed to leave the house and I'm 19. There's so much stuff I could put in here but I am too dumb to think about them right now. I never had a girlfriend and I substitute that with a fictional girlfriend in my head, but it doesn't satisfy me any more. Literally the only thing I do now is browse the internet and post terrible things. I can't go back on those pills I don't want to use pills for the rest of my life.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;45184589]I've been told to post this here, (although it probably would have been better to do that back when I still had respect) Everything feels pointless, I'm not smart and not athletic or good looking. I'm dull, lazy and I don't take care of myself. I don't know if situational and chemical depression are a real things or just bullshit I fell for again, but I think I have both. About a few weeks ago I stopped taking anti-psychotics and anti-depressants all together because I've been taking pills for 13 years and I'm sick of it. Everything is boring to me, I used to play video games but I lost interest so the only thing I would want to do was draw, and I recently lost interest in that too. I recently lost the only friend I had in a year because I was only thinking of myself. I have no friends, not even online ones. I removed everyone on my steam friends list. I don't think I will be able to do what I want in life because I am like this all the time and I don't have any independence, sometimes I am not even allowed to leave the house and I'm 19. There's so much stuff I could put in here but I am too dumb to think about them right now. I never had a girlfriend and I substitute that with a fictional girlfriend in my head, but it doesn't satisfy me any more. Literally the only thing I do now is browse the internet and post terrible things. I can't go back on those pills I don't want to use pills for the rest of my life.[/QUOTE] I was in the same boat not too long ago. I hated taking my meds, I kept gagging on them when I'd take them even. So I talked with my doctors about stopping them, and I started weening myself off them with their approval... things didn't go so well for me. I lost interest in everything, couldn't motivate myself to even play games or listen to music, couldn't write anything and I felt increasingly more sad and depressed. It sucks having to take so many meds (I take 12 pills every night) but I found that I had become dependent on them. So, I started taking them again. The experiment didn't go well for me, and I knew that feeling worse off than taking a handful of pills wasn't worth it in the end. Sometimes you've just gotta suck it up and do it. That's kind of a dumb thing for me to say because I know its sorta bullshit, and its not easy to do, but in the case of taking medications its kind of the only thing you can say to yourself (I've found anyways) to get through the withdrawal. Maybe talk with your doctors about finding a better medication that works for you instead of having to take more than one? I take so many medications because I'm used to it now, been on a variety of medications since I was 12 and I'm 29 this August. Hell, I'm even considering adding a vitamin pack everyday to help with my energy levels which is kinda insane, but I'm gettin' old. Do your doctors know you stopped taking the medications? Or that there's a problem? Tell them if not, they'll work with you hopefully to find something that fits. Medication is trial and error, which I'm sure you know since you've been on them so long as well. It does suck having to take medication, you're not alone there, I think we can all agree upon that, but if it helps... you've just gotta talk yourself into doing it.

[QUOTE=Hyperpower!;45184905]I was in the same boat not too long ago. I hated taking my meds, I kept gagging on them when I'd take them even. So I talked with my doctors about stopping them, and I started weening myself off them with their approval... things didn't go so well for me. I lost interest in everything, couldn't motivate myself to even play games or listen to music, couldn't write anything and I felt increasingly more sad and depressed. It sucks having to take so many meds (I take 12 pills every night) but I found that I had become dependent on them. So, I started taking them again. The experiment didn't go well for me, and I knew that feeling worse off than taking a handful of pills wasn't worth it in the end. Sometimes you've just gotta suck it up and do it. That's kind of a dumb thing for me to say because I know its sorta bullshit, and its not easy to do, but in the case of taking medications its kind of the only thing you can say to yourself (I've found anyways) to get through the withdrawal. Maybe talk with your doctors about finding a better medication that works for you instead of having to take more than one? I take so many medications because I'm used to it now, been on a variety of medications since I was 12 and I'm 29 this August. Hell, I'm even considering adding a vitamin pack everyday to help with my energy levels which is kinda insane, but I'm gettin' old. Do your doctors know you stopped taking the medications? Or that there's a problem? Tell them if not, they'll work with you hopefully to find something that fits. Medication is trial and error, which I'm sure you know since you've been on them so long as well. It does suck having to take medication, you're not alone there, I think we can all agree upon that, but if it helps... you've just gotta talk yourself into doing it.[/QUOTE] My psychiatrist doesn't know that I'm off them

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;45184951]My psychiatrist doesn't know that I'm off them[/QUOTE] Hm, I'd suggest to start back on them if you're experiencing symptoms of deep depression. It's not fun taking pills, but its better than feeling the way you do or hurting yourself. Been down that road myself. Try using some self talk, psych yourself up. Look at it as a temporary solution and then talk to your doctor about changing things up a bit, remember that they work for you not the other way around.

[QUOTE=Hyperpower!;45185009]Hm, I'd suggest to start back on them if you're experiencing symptoms of deep depression. It's not fun taking pills, but its better than feeling the way you do or hurting yourself. Been down that road myself. Try using some self talk, psych yourself up. Look at it as a temporary solution and then talk to your doctor about changing things up a bit, remember that they work for you not the other way around.[/QUOTE] I'll talk to him as soon as I can

take yo pills i started taking mine like im supposed to again and i think its improved my mood somewhat

[QUOTE=elevate;45185097]take yo pills i started taking mine like im supposed to again and i think its improved my mood somewhat[/QUOTE] I feel like I'm going to throw up whenever I take them, I think I developed a fear of pills because every time I hold one I feel ill.

open up the tunnel, here comes the train, choo choo

Take them on a full stomach.

I would take them with food but I am never hungry in the morning but always hungry at night, and I can't take them with water for some reason I can only take them with juice, I am very picky and it is a huge roadblock.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;45185114]I feel like I'm going to throw up whenever I take them, I think I developed a fear of pills because every time I hold one I feel ill.[/QUOTE] I had to retrain my brain when I started gagging on my medications. I told myself "Its just a swallow." - this could be easily obscured as a joke, but I'm serious. Try swallowing a few times with the pills in your mouth, but don't swallow the pills until the third swallow. Try having a drink a few minutes before you take the pills as well, to lubricate the throat and create some repetitive action so your mind is prepared. Also I can only take my pills with a soda, can't take them with water, sometimes I can take them with milk, or juice, but I prefer soda for some reason.

-snip irrelevant-