Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Hyperpower!;45185220]I had to retrain my brain when I started gagging on my medications. I told myself "Its just a swallow." - this could be easily obscured as a joke, but I'm serious. Try swallowing a few times with the pills in your mouth, but don't swallow the pills until the third swallow. Try having a drink a few minutes before you take the pills as well, to lubricate the throat and create some repetitive action so your mind is prepared. Also I can only take my pills with a soda, can't take them with water, sometimes I can take them with milk, or juice, but I prefer soda for some reason.[/QUOTE] My distaste for pills probably started when I was 10 when I had the [U]brilliant[/U] idea of dumping my morning dose in my cereal in hopes to eat it without noticing but I accidentally chewed on one and it tasted like cyanide chalk.

it really depends on the kind of pill you're taking. some induce stomach aches while others induce the shits. you just need to find one that suits you best. ive never had any trouble swallowing my meds and ive been on 6 different medications just dont take them on an empty stomach. I always take mine after cereal with discounted OJ.

just remember: if you feel utterly horrid, remember the fact that you have people to advocate for you and to help you out, including me

Ever since I've been off them I have had mood swings ranging from "euphoric" to feeling like a corpse. But over all the laziness and lack of motivation is the one thing that never changes over the course of the day. Maybe it's less depression and more bipolar?

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;45186981]Ever since I've been off them I have had mood swings ranging from "euphoric" to feeling like a corpse. But over all the laziness and lack of motivation is the one thing that never changes over the course of the day. Maybe it's less depression and more bipolar?[/QUOTE] It could be, but I wouldn't rule out the absence of meds you've been on a while causing the mood swings. Anti-depressants are fun that way.

I don't know if it's the lack of going outside or the poor eating habits or not being able to take my supplements for my migraines, but my heath just went to total shit. My migraines are back, my eye pain is back, my eye twitch is back in full force, my muscles are incredibly sore, my colitis is flaring and I can't think properly. I was cut off from my grapeseed for a week and a half because I ran out and I was dumb enough to not order more ahead of time. I'm suffering for that now. I'm trying to crash-course my health back into shape though. I don't know how long it'll take however. It wouldn't take as long to get back into shape if I could just harden up and go bike-riding in winter. I really need to get myself some bike shorts and shirt before then though. On the plus side I might be able to actually afford to do that soon enough; I applied for a new job and I got an email back telling me I advanced onto the next stage of application (which was an interactive questionnaire to find what department I'd be best suited for). And on another plus, my mental health seems to be getting better, at least compared to 6 months ago. On NAC my mood swings aren't as severe, I'm happier more often, and I'm even making progress on my creative pursuits that I used to do before all this mess happened. I just need to keep staying positive, even when I'm as shit as I am currently, and keep working forward and doing the things I used to do. But god do I wish my health would get better quickly. :v: [editline]23rd June 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Daniel Smith;45186981]Ever since I've been off them I have had mood swings ranging from "euphoric" to feeling like a corpse. But over all the laziness and lack of motivation is the one thing that never changes over the course of the day. Maybe it's less depression and more bipolar?[/QUOTE] I've experienced this first hand. The brain takes note that you're extremely low on dopamine, so it'll give you a huge shot to save yourself, which leads to mania/hypomania moments for days at a time, but eventually gives way back to depression, which leads back to mania/hypomania etc. It's not efficient ofc; if the brain were we wouldn't have to deal with depression :v:. You either need to get back on anti-depressants or go back on and ween yourself off them over a good period of time, so your brain can adjust normally and return somewhat normal function. If you're determined to stay off antidepressants then you'll want to look into positive thinking techniques as well as other thought behavioral changes to keep your mood up. I don't want to be that guy that advertises "miracle cures" and other snakeoil shit but NAC has had some good effects for me. It modulates dopamine within the brain to maintain healthy levels, and has been tested for schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder and a few other neurological disorders and has promising results. You can just order that shit online as a supplement (technically it's a medication, but you can get it anywhere, and it's safe over the long term). Of course you don't need to take my word for it. [URL]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acetylcysteine#Psychiatry[/URL] On it I've suffered WAY less extreme mood swings that I previously did (I still get them, but they're not nearly as severe), and I'm happier about my outlook and current situation. I'm a bit more motivated to do stuff around the house and online, though not as much as if I were on anti-depressants, but it's a fair side-grade. Again I'm not trying to sell anything. I just see people struggling in this thread and I tell people my experiences with what I've tried and what's worked for me. Don't mean to give people false hope. But I always hope that this stuff works for other people as well as it's worked for me. Better than sitting on my ass making progress while people here are wondering why everything stays shit.

i feel like taking a walk. sunshine helps make you happier also would anyone here be interested in a chat room for this place?

I keep forgetting to take my anti-depressants. I think it's been 4 days in a row now. The only negative side effect I noticed is that I get annoyed easily. [editline]23rd June 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=elevate;45191589]i feel like taking a walk. sunshine helps make you happier also would anyone here be interested in a chat room for this place?[/QUOTE] I made a chatroom a few months back. Only a handful of people joined and the most there was ever in the chat was 3

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45191985]I made a chatroom a few months back. Only a handful of people joined and the most there was ever in the chat was 3[/QUOTE] i was thinking you did. thats a real shame man

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[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45192074]This post might seem a little bloggy but to me it helps seeing how others are coping with depression and stuff.[/QUOTE] I have Bipolar Disorder and I didn't cope with my last depression, I made a suicide attempt which ended up with me spending an entire month in a psychiatric ward. Now I'm on 8 different medications, but damn, they work so good, I haven't been this happy for like 10 years.

I love it when there's actually a success story posted, maybe good things do happen.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45191985]I keep forgetting to take my anti-depressants. I think it's been 4 days in a row now. The only negative side effect I noticed is that I get annoyed easily.[/QUOTE] Same thing. I get annoyed and angry really easily, become lazy and unmotivated, wild mood swings and my OCD goes through the roof. I'm also more prone to doing really strange and awkward things and say the stupidest shit without realizing it is that stupid until it's too late.

Even though I'm pretty messed up myself, I want everyone suffering from depression or anything to know that I'm here for all of y'all. Straight up honesty, if FP wasn't here I'd be gone for sure. I've met so many supportive and cool folks here who really have helped me.

[QUOTE=elevate;45192005]i was thinking you did. thats a real shame man[/QUOTE] well you could make another one, it is summer and probably most people (me) have nothing else to do to [editline]23rd June 2014[/editline] like literally all I would do there is complain about people complaining about me when I complain about things

I fucking give up. People still treat me like shit when I improve, and they constantly talk behind my back with a middle finger pointed right at me. This is why I'm so fucking out of place in society. Nobody ever lets me do shit with them anymore. I give up on everything.

[QUOTE=Swog;45195308]I fucking give up. People still treat me like shit when I improve, and they constantly talk behind my back with a middle finger pointed right at me. This is why I'm so fucking out of place in society. Nobody ever lets me do shit with them anymore. I give up on everything.[/QUOTE] if people still treat you like "shit" when you think you've improved, that means you actually haven't improved or that you approach situation from the wrong side [editline]24th June 2014[/editline] people could always be assholes too, but right now I'm not sure if that's the case or not since I'm not sure where people called you out or attacked you

Realtalk find a new group of people to hang around with ie STGYM or a games thead

I never will be accepted just because I have different interests and views than everyone else. I believe that I'm a psychopath. I'm a psychopath. [editline]23rd June 2014[/editline] I'm beyond fucking help, why bother with this therapy shit anymore?

[QUOTE=Swog;45195785]I never will be accepted just because I have different interests and views than everyone else. I believe that I'm a psychopath. I'm a psychopath. [editline]23rd June 2014[/editline] I'm beyond fucking help, why bother with this therapy shit anymore?[/QUOTE] I don't believe anyone is beyond help, you just have to find the help that's fit for you. What makes you say that you are a psychopath? I'm curious to hear.

[QUOTE=Swog;45195785]I never will be accepted just because I have different interests and views than everyone else. I believe that I'm a psychopath. I'm a psychopath. [editline]23rd June 2014[/editline] I'm beyond fucking help, why bother with this therapy shit anymore?[/QUOTE] You're not psychopathic you're just human. Everyone has different views on something.

[QUOTE=Swog;45195308]I fucking give up. People still treat me like shit when I improve, and they constantly talk behind my back with a middle finger pointed right at me. This is why I'm so fucking out of place in society. Nobody ever lets me do shit with them anymore. I give up on everything.[/QUOTE] Do something you like which will help you later. Forget about what others say. Try to alter your approach. And, be ready for failure and rejection. Just understand that everyone has their own life and it's up to them to involve you or not.

This days when I get bored I always go asleep and I get bored because my brain gets too fogged to focus on anything fun it's a really bad habit.

And now I'm upset and frustrated and don't want to be around or a burden on anyone anymore. I need to go out and get some stuff for my leopard geckos and pay for my sandwiches from my last shift at Subway, which'll be a nice way to be out and in the sun. But right now I just want to lay down and cease to be.

Tried to get social and went to two parties this last weekend. First was pretty great but ended up with my friend getting a little too drunk and all his emotional barriers shut down and he became a wreck due to a girl not having interest in him. Realized how little he know about me, even though we are best friends. The second party turned out pretty bad to after the fact that convoluted shit went down. There was the girl I love (lets call her Lisa) that had a gig with the crush of the the girl that broke me to shreds last September. She was furious at Lisa ditching her for him and I ended up spending much time alone or with others to not get too much traction. Ended up walking with my friends and two people from the gig, Lisa included. Turns out she probably found a guy and she went in all detail to one of her friends I started to shake and had to ditch the nachspiel at her place because I was about to break. After that I broke and ended up laying in the woods and weeping. Ended up getting my shit together after a few hits to the faces that I need to get over her and ended up at a hotel bathroom. After around 1 and 1/2 hour I managed to get to my bus stop where I met my friend that I had left at the nachspeil. He didn't get too suspicious why I still hadn't got home because I told them my family would get mad. When I got home went to bed and cried after my thoughts unleashed again. Made me think of what a waste of time I've been for "Lisa". And now recently my mum started to point out that I've been to much in bed sleeping and eating to much junk, but she doesn't understand that I was on the brink of jumping of a bridge over the highway. My life is a complete mess and I'm so fucking ill that I can't properly sleep or fix the situation at this point... But writing about it feels a little better at least, makes me realize more of my mistakes and I can probably use this as a diary later on in life. Sorry for making everyone feel like shit in here, but the person that cared about listening to my problems took her life last week so there is that... Fuck, why is this happening to me, what the fuck did I ever do to end up this way? Why did I listen to her and let all this shit fall out? I would never be here if I stuck to my guns but I was so fucking stupid and it ruined me... Urgh, I need to sleep now, I'm such a wreck now, sorry again for venting all this shit on you guys...

I'd better hurry and type this out before my piece of shit computer crashes yet again. I may be vulnerable for the rest of my life and I'm absolutely fucking sick and tired of it. Been feeling suicidal over it for ages now, even though I haven't done anything stupid for such a long time despite these thoughts. I REALLY need to cut right now, but can't, and I won't. Can't get a job whatsoever, been sending CV's left, right and center for a year with no reply back whatsoever. May as well give up on that. Never worked a day in my life since I left college two years ago and counting. EVERYONE I KNOW here has a job but me and tells me to get a job as if it's the easiest fucking thing to do in the world. I'm on benefits for over a year now for eligible reasons (I have had clinical depression for 7 years and counting), yet a lot of people look down on me like I'm scum because they believe that everyone who claims benefits does so falsely, like what they always say in the media. I fucking hate my life as nothing ever good happens in it (aside from my boyfriend) and I just embrace the darkness every single time. Been smoking much more than I used to, and my heart and throat hurt like hell because of it, yet I still do it. I'm always bored and nothing ever entertains me, aside from when I'm in front of the computer screen, and that now gets boring most of the time as well. I know for sure that I will never get a job let alone a poxy interview, now all I have to worry about is that I hope the government continues to give me benefits and never cut them off. It's my last and only hope of living independantly as far as I know.

Idk apparently I'm supposed to care about facepunch ratings or something. Honestly I sometimes do, it gets really annoying when the same people rate all your posts dumb or all your posts funny if they're depressing or w/e. I don't care enough to whine about them though. Hypocritical that I complain about people crying about ratings when I sometimes want to confront people on how much of a hypocrite they are but that causes drama. Like people think I cause a lot of drama bitching and moaning about things; I could honestly whine about a lot more things but I really try to contain myself. I stand up for people and people stand up for me but that usually results in more drama because it seems it's only okay to flame somebody but god forbid call them out on their shit.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45206313]Idk apparently I'm supposed to care about facepunch ratings or something. Honestly I sometimes do, it gets really annoying when the same people rate all your posts dumb or all your posts funny if they're depressing or w/e. I don't care enough to whine about them though. Hypocritical that I complain about people crying about ratings when I sometimes want to confront people on how much of a hypocrite they are but that causes drama. Like people think I cause a lot of drama bitching and moaning about things; I could honestly whine about a lot more things but I really try to contain myself. I stand up for people and people stand up for me but that usually results in more drama because it seems it's only okay to flame somebody but god forbid call them out on their shit.[/QUOTE] Unless they're positive ratings, pretty much treat them as a tool of idiots and cowards, using ratings to disagree with you or call you an idiot, but with them too lazy and cowardy to actually dare voice that out. They're pixels on a screen, treat them as such.

Be proud of yourself. Most of my adolescence was characterized by an overwhelming and vicious self-hatred. The most inconsequential failure or simple mistake would send me cascading into an agonizing depression, and I’d feel sick to my stomach about myself, like I was embarrassed by who I am. Even an unintentionally derisive comment delivered by a peer would leave me in mental tatters, believing in or overanalyzing what they’d said. But as I’d come to find out, the only [I]real[/I] bully in my life was myself, and I’d regularly beat myself up over [I]everything[/I]. I hardly ever held self-confidence in or praise for myself, even for genuine achievements. It was incredibly unhealthy, and this attitude left me feeling like absolute [I]shite [/I]for several years. I created this post not to bitch and moan about my growing pains, my apparent setbacks, or my life’s struggles, which will remain unstated to illustrate an important point, but to tell you to be proud of who you are. Because nobody ever told me to be proud of myself, especially when I needed it most, and I know there’s others like me here too. So if you’re not already, be proud of your quirks, your intelligence, your achievements, your dreams, your mistakes, your flaws, and even your failures. They’re all a part of who you are, and they’ve come to define you as a person. Each mistake you make can be one small step towards becoming a better person. Each failure can serve as motivation to improve and better yourself. Each setback can inspire you to move forward and adapt. You should embrace even your darkest moments, when you are or were at your lowest – because they have the potential to give rise to your best times. Understand that without sadness, unavoidable circumstances or failure, happiness, stability and achievement would be meaningless. These are integral parts of a normal life. You [I]must[/I] be willing to accept them or else you doom yourself to wallow in misery. It’s on you to be a better person and tackle the negative aspects of life. Remember that there are no barriers, only obstacles, and all obstacles may be overcome with the investment of time and effort. Remember also the catharsis of surpassing each obstacle. Treat each obstacle, problem and setback in your life as a reason to improve yourself – but retain control of your ego. Remind yourself that everyone is on their own path too, trying to get by as you do, whether they’re treating life as a leisurely stroll by the riverside or as a nightmarish hell to crawl and claw through. It’s absolutely essential to give yourself perspective into the lives of others, especially those that are worse off or better off than you – we can all do this, we may all collectively better and humble ourselves through the experiences of others. In closing, if you believe you have no reason to be proud of yourself, then you have the power to [I]make[/I] reasons to be proud of yourself. It doesn’t matter what the reasons for your sadness or low self-esteem are. [I]Make [/I]reasons to improve your outlook and your self-confidence. It’s up to [I]you[/I] and [I]you[/I] alone to do it. Get out there and achieve. Go make mistakes. Go have experiences! Go learn, improve, and be humbled. You’ll build yourself up before you realize it.

I think everything continues to go down for me got moved off CBT because I need to be put in the more intensive tier of care and ATOS will soon come into my house to judge me.