Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

Sleep pattern is fucked, mood is fucked, body is fucked, brain is fucked. Uphill battle where the smallest ground gained is pulled right out from underneath you. And now it's nearly 5am and rather than going to sleep I'm going to draw for no reason. Doesn't even excite me anymore. Just something to do. Everything I do is just killing time till I kick it. God just make me forget how shit the world is.

waking up from a dream where stuff has sorted itself out, sucks [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG]

If you can have a dream where your stuff has sorted itself out, it means you have a somewhat clear idea of what your idea of your life being sorted out is, why not take this opportunity to try and work toward that image of it and make that dream a reality? It's so much easier when you can visualize a goal which you pretty much just did.

[QUOTE=Heigou;45217595]If you can have a dream where your stuff has sorted itself out, it means you have a somewhat clear idea of what your idea of your life being sorted out is, why not take this opportunity to try and work toward that image of it and make that dream a reality? It's so much easier when you can visualize a goal which you pretty much just did.[/QUOTE] I don't think what I dreamed of is within reach sadly. I was back together with my ex and remember just feeling better. of course I'll eventually feel better about myself, just won't be back with her. really need to work towards feeling better about myself since I'm sure that'll get me a long way. most of my anxiety is directly related to how I feel about myself (or that's what I think) so getting some new clothes will really help

[QUOTE=PredGD;45216149]waking up from a dream where stuff has sorted itself out, sucks [IMG]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/frown.gif[/IMG][/QUOTE] Weird, I had a dream where everyone became infected with some kind of virus that make them like the clickers from TLOU, and I was scavenging for stuff. Wanna trade?

I've been having dreams about being in plane crashes recently; either on a plane, or being hit by a plane while on the ground (despite flying repeatedly by myself for the last three years or so thanks to college).

It's frightening how small I used to feel, on occasion. well, now the frightening part is how its the only feeling I [I]acknowledge[/I] because I remember feeling it a lot during my days of depression... which have come to pass after I kinda shelled and lost a lot of emotional response. It's the kind of mood where I am content with listening to droning ambient music, to just sit alone and ponder, as it makes me feel a little smaller. But it helps make peace with the feeling. I don't let it terrify me anymore, at least. hello I'm strange and I listen to Stars of the Lid I'm finding a lot of stuff I used to listen to. I remember finding inspiration in my own sorrow, kinda fucked up but hey

[QUOTE=LNKFAN;45218197] hello I'm strange and I listen to Stars of the Lid[/QUOTE] Nice find. I heard the name before but never tried.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45217640]I don't think what I dreamed of is within reach sadly. I was back together with my ex and remember just feeling better. of course I'll eventually feel better about myself, just won't be back with her. really need to work towards feeling better about myself since I'm sure that'll get me a long way. most of my anxiety is directly related to how I feel about myself (or that's what I think) so getting some new clothes will really help[/QUOTE] Anything is within reach lil brah (Though I recommend not getting back with your ex ever, recipe for disaster) though I'm no psychologist, I went through my fair share of shit and know all too well what it's like to feel like I'm useless or something, hell I'm 22 and up to this day, I still question myself every waking seconds but I do my damn well best to know that at the end of the day, when I close my eyes and go to sleep, that today I did my best to achieve something better in the future. I used to be a 275 lbs ugly fat sack of shit, lost weight down to 170 then got all muscly and shit at my current 195 pounds @ 6', I went from fat and ugly to being lean and muscly with a 7/10~8/10 face (Even with my low self-esteem, I know my face got pretty damn handsome, losing weight does wonders, getting all them facial traits defined is the sex). I also spent more than half my life in a hospital, was sick as shit since birth and literally spent my life in a hospital bed until 16 years old, I can literally say I've spent half my life in a hospital until I hit 32 years old which is insane but I didn't let that stop me, we just all be late bloomers in here, y'all better believe. Might not have had the best time in High school and in our youth but we late bloomers. You know I have you on steam, I'm not one to start conversations but if you have to talk or need motivation or fitness/nutrition related questions, hit me up man, I suck at having close friends hence why I rarely talk to people because I really feel better when I can be by myself thinking about how I can further my goal of self-development but I always have a ear to lend to anyone in need of some help. This extends to ANYONE in here, you need someone to lend you an ear, send me a PM or add me on Steam (Pockaz/Heigou I think? Steam is fucked.) I have one condition though, you all have to stop feeling sorry for yourselves so much, you're all human beings made of flesh and bone just like me, there's no reason anyone can't improve and you have to make a conscious effort to better yourself and accept criticism. I cannot stress the last part enough, ACCEPT CRITICISM, use it to better yourself, do not feel bad because of it. I swear I've wrote this on like 5 different occasions in this thread but life is a mirror to yourself. What you receive is what you are (Except for some people who are just dicks because they can be regardless of what you are). You are the common denominator here, a change in mindset is what's required quite simply. Use these criticism as a way to improve on what you're lacking, hell, write them down and make a conscious effort to improve on that aspect of you, just read it every mornings or something. I used to be an absolute mess back from 16-19 but in the last 3 years I have made it my goal to become the person I want to be and it's been working wonderfully so far. Most of all though, if you are not willing to help yourself, I simply cannot help you. So if anyone is ready to make an effort here, I'll make an effort with them.

Acceptance is first step towards improvement. Denial only makes it worse.

may be a little unrelated to depression etc but I feel this is the thread I should post in when it comes to what I've been thinking. I visit another forum other than facepunch which is a norwegian one, and when I look at that then compare it to facepunch, facepunch comes out as incredibly toxic. people shitpost, people respond to others with unnecessary swearing and generally being rude. I'm not the one to scream "facepunch is a hivemind" but there's definitely a large amount of herd behavior. then there's also all the hating on stuff just to hate. I'm mostly put off by all the hate going on here. people hate on stuff just to have something to hate, people nitpick like hell, people respond to dumb (but not rude in the slightest) posts like they killed their family, etc. everyone isn't like that of course, but there's a large portion of people who are like this. there's just so much unjustified hate and it makes me sick. I've been debating on just taking a break from facepunch overall to get away from it. might not be the best place to complain about facepunch's users on facepunch, but I had to get it off my chest. would be nice to hear what you guys think about the topic as well so I can confirm if I'm just being picky on how people should behave on a forum or if there's some sense in what I'm thinking

No doubt in what you said but that doesnt warrant a reason to leave facepunch. There are nice users and threads like this. People change over time. Go from doing good to bad and vice versa. Hang out with the ones who care and ignore the others. I see it as an exercise wherein I can elevate my tolerance to irrational hate a notch higher.

I went to prom. Was pretty fun. Me and my friends were all ironically dancing. Though what got me down was that I didn't ask this one girl to dance because: a) I have no balls b) I think I'm scared of anything to do with a relationship c) I wasn't sure if she was with another guy or not. Said guy has been very close friends with her but I haven't seen anything happen. d) I have no balls

Ah thats not what makes a successful prom, so dont let it bring you down. Its a success only when someone requests sandstorm. Only then can you ascend.

well i had a anxiety attack about my responsibilities at about 6 am a few days ago when i was trying to get some rest and it devolved into an argument with my mom. i pretty much fell into a sobbing mess. at least things smoothed out after i told my mom what's up and i faced what i had to do

Man, yet again I found myself literally touching my dream job only to have it pulled away again. I went for an interview yesterday with a Security Firm looking for Dog Handlers and they were eager to hire me after all the formalities but their company insurer outright refused to insure me on one of their company vans leaving me with no other option but to buy my own which is impossible for my financial situation, so I have no choice but to walk away from it and maybe get back in touch with them in 6 months once I'm 21 and have some money saved. I'm sure I'll end up doing what I want to do in the end, its just horrible being built up so much like that only to have it all flop and now I have to wait for a while.

I've lost my job a while back ago, Company sold out to another. I can't find a new damn job anywheres, Cape Breton has a real shit economy. I've barely been able to pay rent this month. I fear I may lose my house, and to be blunt welfare isn't really an option right now. Advice?

Cross post from another thread. Been feeling mentally blind for the past few months... Blind, as in I cant imagine my future at all. 3 months of (apparently mild) depression at the start of the year set off a chain of thoughts that has lead to a loss of goals, ambition, and identity. It's as if I've dug myself into a mental hole, and cant seem to find where up is. I'm fairly accomplished in skill, yet I'm too intimidated to apply for jobs that I would like. This hit me pretty hard recently when I regret the internship I'm at right now. I'm lonely. It doesn't help that I've moved twice, covering literally (just) over 9,000 miles around the globe in the last 2 years (although I'll be going back to Canada in a few months). [sp]pm me if you want my steam id, chatting with someone else helps![/sp] Ironically, it's because of how often I moved during my childhood that I've developed my interest for the internet. (I've been to 8 or 9 schools between kindergarten and grade 8 due to family reasons) I feel that I'm at another crossroads in my life, but I've lost all direction, and cant seem to choose which path to follow. Worse, not even my parents really understand me due to cultural differences.

So today I have came to the conclusion that I am incapable of making myself happy. No matter what I try to do to make myself happy I always end up ruining it somehow. I was going to start a new hobby today but I found a way to fuck that up, now I'm stuck at home doing nothing. Literally everything I've tried to do over the past 5 years ends up like this. I just want to be happy again. How the fuck can I do that if I end up deliberately setting myself up to fail at anything that will make me happy?

Do I whine too much? I have 141 posts in here, this will be my 142nd. None of my posts in here help people so it's really just 142 posts of bitching and moaning. I use this thread to vent and I'm thinking I should just get a blog or something.

Venting is fine, some people try to help you afterwards, and if not, at least you got to give vocabulary to your thoughts and state them concretely.

[QUOTE=40kplayer;45231589]Venting is fine, some people try to help you afterwards, and if not, at least you got to give vocabulary to your thoughts and state them concretely.[/QUOTE] Even when I don't get replies or ratings to my post, it's still a hell of a lot better to get it out there than mulling those thoughts over and over. Before I started posting in here I'd just write down what was troubling me on a pad of paper (which I still do anyway). You can never vent too much when it comes to stuff like this. It's very therapeutic.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45224629]may be a little unrelated to depression etc but I feel this is the thread I should post in when it comes to what I've been thinking. I visit another forum other than facepunch which is a norwegian one, and when I look at that then compare it to facepunch, facepunch comes out as incredibly toxic. people shitpost, people respond to others with unnecessary swearing and generally being rude. I'm not the one to scream "facepunch is a hivemind" but there's definitely a large amount of herd behavior. then there's also all the hating on stuff just to hate. I'm mostly put off by all the hate going on here. people hate on stuff just to have something to hate, people nitpick like hell, people respond to dumb (but not rude in the slightest) posts like they killed their family, etc. everyone isn't like that of course, but there's a large portion of people who are like this. there's just so much unjustified hate and it makes me sick. I've been debating on just taking a break from facepunch overall to get away from it. might not be the best place to complain about facepunch's users on facepunch, but I had to get it off my chest. would be nice to hear what you guys think about the topic as well so I can confirm if I'm just being picky on how people should behave on a forum or if there's some sense in what I'm thinking[/QUOTE] Depends on where you go, some places are nice, others are hostile. I go to SH just to argue with people because that's what everyone does there and it's oddly entertaining, other parts are a lot more friendly though. There is a level of elitism in some ways though I'll totally admit that.

So I've been thinking about going back to school this fall, but my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago and now I'm starting to feel depressed again. I've already dropped out of college twice now because of depression and am worried I'll end up dropping out again. Any advice?

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;45241762]Depends on where you go, some places are nice, others are hostile. I go to SH just to argue with people because that's what everyone does there and it's oddly entertaining, other parts are a lot more friendly though. There is a level of elitism in some ways though I'll totally admit that.[/QUOTE] I like to think of it as reddit. a lot of the subreddits are toxic, but some are nice. fast threads and SH seems to be the worst places with this kind of stuff from what I've seen. I've also begun taking notice to a problem I've been having for over a year. whenever I brush my teeth, I'll start bleeding from the gum where the gum and teeth meet. I'll spit out more blood than saliva and toothpaste, and after 3 days of brushing my teeth I'll give up since the pain is too much. I asked Zonesylvania, Facepunch's residental doctor about it and he says it's most definitely periodontitis in stage 2 considering I've had the symptoms for so long. it can't be confirmed just yet of course, but I have no doubt that it's that since you generally won't bleed when brushing your teeth, not as much as I have. I'm extremely worried as stage 2-6 can't be fixed if the wikipedia page is correct, and my anxiety + depression would most definitely take a huuuuge hit if I end up losing my teeth. wiki page by the way [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periodontitis[/url]

[QUOTE=Xylorast;45241787]So I've been thinking about going back to school this fall, but my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago and now I'm starting to feel depressed again. I've already dropped out of college twice now because of depression and am worried I'll end up dropping out again. Any advice?[/QUOTE] I've been in a similar situation as this, I ended up needing to drop out and focus on healing rather than trying to wear a mask and make like everything was alright. After I mended, I went back and took a full semester. If the wounds are still fresh, I'd say give it more time, don't add undue stress onto an already bad situation. But ultimately, you know what you're capable of, not me. It has to be your decision, I've just offered my experience and advice/opinion over the matter.

I'm just checking in again, I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 13th of August to see if I need medication for my anxiety. Kinda worried about taking meds because I have never been on them.

Does anyone else have issues writing on forums? It takes me ages to write anything and then I just say "fuck it" and stop writing altogether and go back to lurking or write about something else.. This post is a good example, I was supposed to talk about how I just can't keep on going anymore and how I just feel like collapsing but every single time I wrote something I just erased it, not being satisfied with the text or something...

I keep forgetting to take my anti-depressants. I'm not getting any mood swings or anger issues. Just sometimes I feel really hollow and a bit sad. But life keeps me going. [editline]29th June 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=xVENUSx;45248616]I'm just checking in again, I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 13th of August to see if I need medication for my anxiety. Kinda worried about taking meds because I have never been on them.[/QUOTE] Be sure to look up the side effects. What drug is it if you don't mind me asking?

Is it normal for moderate depressive episodes to just stop happening? I had them really badly most of last year, but they've been gone for the past few months. They stopped pretty suddenly, for no real reason. Should I expect it to come back?