Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;45251759]Is it normal for moderate depressive episodes to just stop happening? I had them really badly most of last year, but they've been gone for the past few months. They stopped pretty suddenly, for no real reason. Should I expect it to come back?[/QUOTE] Don't worry about if they'll come back, just enjoy the fact that you're not feeling miserable. Its pretty normal to just have good days spontaneously from experience, its likely you getting used to your depression, which is a good thing.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45242403]I like to think of it as reddit. a lot of the subreddits are toxic, but some are nice. fast threads and SH seems to be the worst places with this kind of stuff from what I've seen. I've also begun taking notice to a problem I've been having for over a year. whenever I brush my teeth, I'll start bleeding from the gum where the gum and teeth meet. I'll spit out more blood than saliva and toothpaste, and after 3 days of brushing my teeth I'll give up since the pain is too much. I asked Zonesylvania, Facepunch's residental doctor about it and he says it's most definitely periodontitis in stage 2 considering I've had the symptoms for so long. it can't be confirmed just yet of course, but I have no doubt that it's that since you generally won't bleed when brushing your teeth, not as much as I have. I'm extremely worried as stage 2-6 can't be fixed if the wikipedia page is correct, and my anxiety + depression would most definitely take a huuuuge hit if I end up losing my teeth. wiki page by the way [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periodontitis[/url][/QUOTE] SHit I might have this too, but I'm so terrified of dentists, and ever since I was humiliated by one while in the chair I've been unable to see them with any regularity.

[QUOTE=Hyperpower!;45255297]Don't worry about if they'll come back, just enjoy the fact that you're not feeling miserable. Its pretty normal to just have good days spontaneously from experience, its likely you getting used to your depression, which is a good thing.[/QUOTE]I don't and never had depression, just depressive episodes. They were pretty debilitating when they happened, but they only lasted for 2-4 hours each, and never happened more than once a day. I don't think that's bad enough to qualify as actual depression.

about 3 years now since my depression started, time flies i'm just waiting for it to end by itself, which will never happen can't take meds, and i can't solve the problem behind everything oh well, anniversary time i guess

Can I hop in your boat too? I'm sad an alone and depressed and psychologically afraid of medication.

well why not i tried taking antidepressants once, and within a week i was so deep in the barrel i had to stop before doing something stupid since then i'm not gonna go near those things ever again

I just don't want to take medicine so I can belong. If I have to chemically alter my brain's natural processes in order to be a part of society, why should I even be a part of society in the first place?

Did you try taking different meds Some meds I've took for 5 years fucked me up. I then took some other meds since last year and they're pretty good. [editline]1st July 2014[/editline] Well I don't like that logic. It's not your fault that you're depressed.

[QUOTE=40kplayer;45260990]If I have to chemically alter my brain's natural processes in order to be a part of society, why should I even be a part of society in the first place?[/QUOTE] This isn't a thought you should be having. Why [i]shouldn't[/i] you be a part of society? Also I went to another therapy appointment yesterday. Learned about cognitive behavorial therapy and I'm reading "Feeling Good" by David Burns right now. The idea behind it is you can help cure your depression if you replace your negative, illogical thoughts with more realistic, helpful, positive ones. The hard part is actually generating the thoughts though, since if you're depressed, you've probably made it a habit to beat yourself up.

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;45260971]well why not i tried taking antidepressants once, and within a week i was so deep in the barrel i had to stop before doing something stupid since then i'm not gonna go near those things ever again[/QUOTE] You said you can't take meds, but you only tried one type and gave up after a week? You could try different meds, or wait longer than a week for your body to adjust. Your doc should have told you that the first few weeks on SSRIs (I assume it's an SSRI) can make you feel strange before you adjust. [editline]1st July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Levithan;45256842]SHit I might have this too, but I'm so terrified of dentists, and ever since I was humiliated by one while in the chair I've been unable to see them with any regularity.[/QUOTE] It could be plaque touching your gums when you move it around with the brush and making them bleed.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45262528]You said you can't take meds, but you only tried one type and gave up after a week? You could try different meds, or wait longer than a week for your body to adjust. Your doc should have told you that the first few weeks on SSRIs (I assume it's an SSRI) can make you feel strange before you adjust.[/QUOTE] yeah that adjusting thing is the problem, i don't want to risk it again, it's bad enough as it is already with motivation

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[QUOTE=40kplayer;45260990]I just don't want to take medicine so I can belong. If I have to chemically alter my brain's natural processes in order to be a part of society, why should I even be a part of society in the first place?[/QUOTE] I feel the same, which is why, personally, no matter how bad it is, I just gut my way through my dark times (of course, you have to follow your own path an own preferences) and considering I got rated 22 out of 25 on a PHQ9 (basic depression/suicide risk questionaire, high score being bad). I know how much anti depressants [I]can[/I] fuck you up (of course, its different for each person) so I'd rather not risk those side effects, but as i said, its each persons choice. I always wonder, will i be me when I'm on them? Will I be the same me I've always been? Then again, I think of suicide often and am quite dispassionate/emotionless about it, hell, about as emotionless as switching off the TV, because of various reasons, not just my back, I'm likely to one day just go "Show's over" and do it. In a weird way, being in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful girl, that i am in now, makes me [B]feel[/B] depression more, I think because I've let down my defences and actually started letting myself feel more (time was I used to feel not much, if anything at times, especially when something bad happened, I'd just shut down and eject my feelings/capacity to feel, so that I felt nothing. Which isn't a fun thing to do, but lately I've let my ironclad defences down and let the walls I've built slowly crumble. That's not to say I'm MORE depressed because of the awesome relationship, but just feeling the feelings more due to opening myself up.

so I've recieved word from the dentist, and I have periodontitis. I'm not sure which stage yet, but I've begun a disinfection thing. got some horrible tasting prescribed mouthwash, teeth floss and a new soft toothbrush so it doesn't hurt as much to brush. hopefully that will take it out, but I'm still worried that it won't help and that I'll end up dentist appointment :(

My entire family are out to purposefully piss me off and pick fights with me, and they pull the whole "calm down" thing because they know it's aggravating. I was doubting this but my parents have repeatedly brought up stuff about my ex like "no wonder he left you" or "he deserved better than you", even though they knows nothing about the breakup and it being irrelevant to whatever I was arguing about with my parents. They make assumptions that I was violent with him. They always start the fights by thinking everything I do is a personal attack to them or turns something small into a big deal, I asked where all the glasses in the kitchen went and they took it as an attack on how my family use glasses and started getting mad at me for not letting people use glasses, jesus fucking christ I just wondered where they all went. I can't do anything without it turning into an argument, everything I do is disagreeable with my family somehow. I'm so fucking angry and they know it's working. Edit: I made a post recently about how I feel sometimes, if you like walls of text and seeing how other people cope [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1326877&p=45244843&viewfull=1#post45244843[/url]

Oh boy I'm feeling another breakdown at work about to come on.

do any of you guys have this feeling you have to be perfect? I'm having that girl on visit later, but I'm not able to be happy about how I look. of course I'm not the worst looking guy out there, but I always have the feeling I never look good "enough", as if I want to have a perfect look but at the same time I have no clue what a perfect look would be, so I end up in this cycle where I'm never happy about my style, no matter what I try. it was weird to see people look good one day, and worse the other when I still went outside. I just couldn't understand how they could manage to go outside without looking the best they can. from an outside view it's understandable that they just accept that you can't look like your best everyday, but I don't understand at the same time. something that makes it worse is "pictures of you" threads and "hot guys" posted around on the internet at times. makes me feel like my style is ugly and no one likes it, but I understand only the vocal people will be noticed though.

I just went to see a doctor again about my mental health and he said there was nothing he could do because the waiting list to see a specialist is so long, I don't know what to do. I'm alone with this now. On a side note, he said the same about my back problems (I'm very tall so I have some posture issues which get tiring/painful to compensate for while trying to look normal, stuff like locked joints and misaligned vertebrae) and he said there was nothing he could do because it wasn't an emergency and the waiting list to see a back specialist was too long. I've been getting the same responses for years out of the NHS and I'm always told to go away because there's nothing they can do because everything is over booked with long waiting times, the only way I managed to make any progress before was seeing someone privately which I can't afford now. The NHS is absolutely useless for anything that needs a specialist, like mental health or spine problems, unless you're literally dying then the NHS wants you to fuck off.

On the positive side, at least you've not gone through all the rigamarole of getting to a specialist surgeon only to be told that he refuses to operate on you because doing so would likely kill or paralyse you, believe me, being told you're fucked and theres nothing anyone can do about it, is kinda devastating.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45271183]do any of you guys have this feeling you have to be perfect? I'm having that girl on visit later, but I'm not able to be happy about how I look. of course I'm not the worst looking guy out there, but I always have the feeling I never look good "enough", as if I want to have a perfect look but at the same time I have no clue what a perfect look would be, so I end up in this cycle where I'm never happy about my style, no matter what I try. it was weird to see people look good one day, and worse the other when I still went outside. I just couldn't understand how they could manage to go outside without looking the best they can. from an outside view it's understandable that they just accept that you can't look like your best everyday, but I don't understand at the same time. something that makes it worse is "pictures of you" threads and "hot guys" posted around on the internet at times. makes me feel like my style is ugly and no one likes it, but I understand only the vocal people will be noticed though.[/QUOTE] Yep I get this and it's absolutely dreadful and drives me insane to the point that I'll feel so bad I'll just spend an entire day in bed. I find myself constantly comparing myself to others and never feeling anywhere near good enough. I mean I'm hardly the worst looking person, if a bit too young looking, on the planet yet still never feel good enough. Doesn't help that all my clothes are terrible at the moment, yet I hate going to clothes shops too much to go and buy new ones, same goes for my hair as well.

[QUOTE=RayvenQ;45274700]On the positive side, at least you've not gone through all the rigamarole of getting to a specialist surgeon only to be told that he refuses to operate on you because doing so would likely kill or paralyse you, believe me, being told you're fucked and theres nothing anyone can do about it, is kinda devastating.[/QUOTE] That's not the surgeon's fault though, or the NHS's fault, if it was too dangerous then it's too dangerous. What I was talking about was the severe lack of care for mental illnesses and insane waiting times to the point where the GP wouldn't help me because it wasn't an emergency. The NHS is awful.

Sometimes I feel like a shit especially for posting in here.

So, officially 18 as of june, want to get my life on track so I can eventually move out of my parents house. Oh well, turns out I can't. Parents are surviving on checks from the government and since I was giving them an extra 580$ a month by being a minor, I need to get a job and give ALL OF MY MONEY per week to them, or I get kicked out for not paying rent. I don't know what to do. Either I'm stuck living with my parents until my sister gets a job (She's 14) or get kicked out of my house and eventually die on the streets. I can't live with anyone, because I don't know anyone. Been a loner all my life and have no friends to roommate with, or any friends in general. I have no idea what to do, all I wanted to do is get my life on track and eventually move in with my friends online in Canada, but I don't think I can anymore.

That is bullshit. If you have a steady income, ask around at local apt complexes to see if you could get something month-to-month. Even hotels/motels may give you a decent deal for monthly stays. Since you are of age, it may be a good thing to start working on getting a creditcard and work on that kind of stuff. Its bogus, but you may need loans in the future. Also kinda helps with landing jobs too. edit: shit misread that, thought you said you were giving them an extra $580 by yourself. Get a job and start earning dosh. See if there's a payout method to somehow split the check payout to see if you could fool your parents and keep half for yourself. That, or straight up tell them to fuck off.

[QUOTE=LNKFAN;45280840]That is bullshit. If you have a steady income, ask around at local apt complexes to see if you could get something month-to-month. Even hotels/motels may give you a decent deal for monthly stays. Since you are of age, it may be a good thing to start working on getting a creditcard and work on that kind of stuff. Its bogus, but you may need loans in the future. Also kinda helps with landing jobs too.[/QUOTE] They used my name when making credit cards, so I can't get one because I have bad credit, without even owning a credit card. Unless they lied to me about using my name on credit card applications, like they did before My parents forced me to lie to people literally my entire life because it was more convenient to them God my parents set me up for a life of failure

Woah hell no, that shit sounds toxic. Pretty sure that most companies do not allow minors to have cards. Hopefully backround checks prevented them from signing a minor up, so you may be in the clear for that. If not, legal action could be taken. That is NOT okay Browse craigslist for some sort of rooming too. Something. If you know those Canadians well, see if they would be willing to find some way to help. If you're going to Canada, youll at least need a passport [card] to get there though.

What kind of shitty ass parents do shit like that? Is there no way of explaining your credit rating considering that shit wasn't actually you?

I've been thinking a lot of the past today, or more precisely, September and towards December last year. I had a few friends, who I discarded since I thought they were "weird". some of them were incredibly socially awkward, but a few of them weren't yet I discarded them. decided to check through my Facebook page from my birthday 6th of December last year, and one of the more normal girls I knew had posted a picture of me and her, and wrote that she missed me and hoped I'd be able to get out soon. had 4 people who found me handsome and wanted more than friendship, yet I just found it weird and put distance between them and me. I never really missed them, but now I do. then I think, I decided to isolate myself from them for a reason, maybe they were annoying? not the kind of friends I wanted? or was I afraid of the social aspect? the extreme isolation I've gotten into makes me think any social situation is better than nothing. maybe that's why I miss them so much? but if I contact them, it feels so incredibly selfish.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45283660]I've been thinking a lot of the past today, or more precisely, September and towards December last year. I had a few friends, who I discarded since I thought they were "weird". some of them were incredibly socially awkward, but a few of them weren't yet I discarded them. decided to check through my Facebook page from my birthday 6th of December last year, and one of the more normal girls I knew had posted a picture of me and her, and wrote that she missed me and hoped I'd be able to get out soon. had 4 people who found me handsome and wanted more than friendship, yet I just found it weird and put distance between them and me. I never really missed them, but now I do. then I think, I decided to isolate myself from them for a reason, maybe they were annoying? not the kind of friends I wanted? or was I afraid of the social aspect? the extreme isolation I've gotten into makes me think any social situation is better than nothing. maybe that's why I miss them so much? but if I contact them, it feels so incredibly selfish.[/QUOTE] I think you should give them another chance and meet them again. If you're really in need of some socializing, it'll make you feel better. You said you're not sure why did you let them go, well, this is the only way to find out if there was a reason for it. I don't find it selfish at all to meet someone after a while of no contact, especially if they asked for it. I can assure you there are many people who want to meet with friends but have none to meet, you do. I'd take the chance.

[QUOTE=Khub;45284090]I think you should give them another chance and meet them again. If you're really in need of some socializing, it'll make you feel better. You said you're not sure why did you let them go, well, this is the only way to find out if there was a reason for it. I don't find it selfish at all to meet someone after a while of no contact, especially if they asked for it. I can assure you there are many people who want to meet with friends but have none to meet, you do. I'd take the chance.[/QUOTE] I agree, but its been so long since I last saw any of them, and I kinda just disappeared without a word when my depression got worse. not sure how I'm supposed to open up and say hello after going from lots of talking to disappearing out of nowhere. I liked a picture that girl I mentioned posted, so maybe she'll pay attention to that? pretty poor excuse to not say hi to be honest, ugh. it's always the same when it comes to this kind of stuff. "I'm not ready yet, I need to do this and this before doing that and that", and repeat. such an evil circle.