Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I can't deal with the day because the sun illuminates everything that's depressing and distracting. I'd rather be in the dark and have everything out of sight and out of mind. I dont feel this if I'm out of a city though.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45324516]Haha yep. I have to distract myself until I'm on the brink of consciousness from tiredness until I can fall asleep peacefully, otherwise I'm lying in bed stuck with intrusive and uncontrollable depressing thoughts and embarrassing memories that keep me awake. I'd rather not have to deal with feeling suicidal every night so I basically have to end each day with lying in bed for hours doing something to occupy my mind (like I'm doing right now) to keep the bad thoughts away. I can't read anything long since I can't keep concentrating on it long enough to keep the bad thoughts away. [editline]8th July 2014[/editline] This barely works. [editline]8th July 2014[/editline] I dont know how long I can deal with living like this. I never want to go to sleep but once I am I dont want to wake up.[/QUOTE] Well I'm glad I'm not alone

After the last couple weeks, I'm pretty sure my mom is ignorant to my distress. For the last few months, I noticed the rings around my eyes getting darker, and continuing to be too exhausted to go to bed/ have a ton of trouble getting up in the morning. The other day, my family watched a show about ADHD/ADD (I enjoyed it, so it's not the trouble), we discussed our thoughts about it. Towards the end of the discussion, my mom asked if I thought it applied to me. I said some aspects do apply, and that I was pleased that the physicians featured in it didn't treat medication as the "magic bullet" toward resolving problems. From there, I went to re-iterate my first plan to try to take care of my long undiagnosed depression, which consists of 1) Getting some professional help to find out if all that's been wrong the last 3 years was just imagined in my head since they haven't really noticed anything wrong (they keep saying it's me being pouty or rebellious) and 2) Take action to help increase my face to face social interactions, as I've been pretty much isolated from people for 2 years aside from work and school. This was greeted with the usual “Stop talking about it” tone and anger. Revisiting this thread now and then really has opened my eyes, and made me think “Huh, I’m not the only person to experience “x”?” It’s really reassuring to me, I would just love one of my plans to be acknowledged, and action taken based on what’s feasible. Separate from this, something that seems to often come up while I’m doing a task is either they’ll point out something that’s part of the task that I haven’t done yet, or ask me to do another task in the middle of me doing something I was told to do. When I respond to that by saying things like “Yep, I was about to do that”, they discredit that I actually was going to. Sorry for this extraordinary long post.

just tried some new clothes I got now, and it resulted in a big "fuck you" from yours truly, thoughts. I had fairly high expectations and thought it'd really help out with my self esteem. imagined I'd suit it, etc. then when I try it, nah, looks worse than expected. super dismotivating yet again, it goes straight back to my weight. I'm not exactly obese, but I still feel like the fattest guy in town. I'm 193cm tall and I'm currently at 92kg. all I see when I see myself in a mirror is fat. arms, face, stomach, everything. I've tried several times to lose weight, but I haven't had much success yet. in my latest attempt, I managed to scrape off 8kg I believe but it was quickly regained.

Been having another period of anxiety/depression again. I've had these several times before, the first one happened back in 2011 i think and lasted for several months, then I had another around february last year, which lasted about a month. The current one started about 5 days ago. I've managed to get over these spells of shittiness before and can be completely normal afterwards. I know I'll get over it again, It just sucks being in the moment and having a hard time enjoying anything or feeling comfortable. Just gotta keep myself occupied and get through each day until this crap goes away like it has before. I find that it really helps to have a comfort zone ( my room ) and set some nice dim lighting, burn some candles or incense, snuggle up in a blanket and watch some movies and play some games. Even though when I'm in my comfort zone I still feel the depression underneath I try my best to just know that it will pass and I can go back to feeling normal again.

i have all the tools i need to escape depression and being human garbage but im too lazy to even use them i was doing better, getting out of the house to go fishing with family and reading my self help book and thinking positive but now i feel like shit again, i relapse way too easily [editline]8th July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=CountChocula651;45332538]Been having another period of anxiety/depression again. I've had these several times before, the first one happened back in 2011 i think and lasted for several months, then I had another around february last year, which lasted about a month. The current one started about 5 days ago. I've managed to get over these spells of shittiness before and can be completely normal afterwards. I know I'll get over it again, It just sucks being in the moment and having a hard time enjoying anything or feeling comfortable. Just gotta keep myself occupied and get through each day until this crap goes away like it has before. I find that it really helps to have a comfort zone ( my room ) and set some nice dim lighting, burn some candles or incense, snuggle up in a blanket and watch some movies and play some games. Even though when I'm in my comfort zone I still feel the depression underneath I try my best to just know that it will pass and I can go back to feeling normal again.[/QUOTE] this guy's my brother just fyi

I need to talk to another shrink but one of the cons of free healthcare is that you get no one or someone inexperienced. I had to wait half a year for a shrink but she was underqualified.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45332518]just tried some new clothes I got now, and it resulted in a big "fuck you" from yours truly, thoughts. I had fairly high expectations and thought it'd really help out with my self esteem. imagined I'd suit it, etc. then when I try it, nah, looks worse than expected. super dismotivating yet again, it goes straight back to my weight. I'm not exactly obese, but I still feel like the fattest guy in town. I'm 193cm tall and I'm currently at 92kg. all I see when I see myself in a mirror is fat. arms, face, stomach, everything. I've tried several times to lose weight, but I haven't had much success yet. in my latest attempt, I managed to scrape off 8kg I believe but it was quickly regained.[/QUOTE] I don't know your physics but 92kg isn't bad. I'm 189 and around 111kg now. Was 123kg at some point but I'm still huge when I compare myself to my friends or my preferance. It probably won't help by telling this but I know how you feel, it sucks being "too big for your own taste".

I want to get out and go exercise or ride my bike but by the time I get home from work at around 2ish I'm so beat emotionally. I could physically go out and ride but I just have this emotional crash when I get home and tell my self shit lies so I don't go. "oh its too cloudy, maybe in an hour when its nice and sunny" demotivated I guess?

Work has fucked me out of another $200 that I desperately need for the 4th week in a row. I've been trying to get another job but in reality chances of someone with as many chronic health issues as I have getting a job and keeping it for more than a month is slim to none. For the past 2 weeks alone I've been getting debilitating pains in my head for no reason and with no explanation. My usual treatments aren't working. Anyway, thanks to work not giving me money that I need, I can't afford getting myself cycling clothes, so I'm just settling on buying new supplements (hoping the melatonin doesn't fuck with my colitis). It's been getting even colder here lately so I might as well just wait till spring rolls around at this rate. My toes are about to fall off I swear to god. And I had to calm my girlfriend down last night because she's been stressed as fuck about me not getting enough money, and her job as well has cut hours back. I'm so drained of energy I'll be lucky to keep getting out of bed before it hits 5pm.

Would squeezing or hurting someone's testicles be considered sexual assault?

I'm pretty sure assault is where you put someone in fear they're in danger of bodily harm, and battery is actually making unwarranted/uninvited contact with the person. So it's probably more battery than assault. Really painful battery. edit: I guess assault falls into the same category, so technically it could be.

I've been feeling quite better for a week and onwards now, aside from getting Tonsilitis, which has now settled from the course of antibiotics. Met up properly with a friend whom I haven't seen in a year, and we smoked a lot whilst discussing our problems together and caught up. The boyfriend (RayvenQ) is coming over to stay next week for a few weeks, and I'm so freaking excited :D This month is also my birthday month (21st!) and the Portsmouth Tattoo convention. I'm so fired up for this month! :dance:

Anyone else here have trouble with regret? I know I saw some talk from a couple of you that have a flooding in of embarassing and bad memories as you lay in bed at night. I have that same issue laying in bed at night but also randomly during the day. I'll be having a good time then something comes up that just somehow touches certain buttons and makes me remember the shittiest times and once it happens its so hard to just stop thinking about, one time I think spent like 20 minutes zoned out thinking about things I wish I could change or have done differently. Shit is a curse.

Feel alot better because my psychiatrist went by in our store without noticing it was me. I felt that I made it work and escaped the horrible "psychopath" life that is my life. I haven't though but traces are starting to be uncommon atleast.

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;45341635]Would squeezing or hurting someone's testicles be considered sexual assault?[/QUOTE] Yes. Especially if you didn't like it. Its a sexual organ, any unwanted contact with it can be considered such.

I hate how when someone is being nice to me or trying to help me, all I can do is just dig them deeper into my little depression hole. That's probably a good reason why I'm so "invisible" in real life and why nobody talks to me both in in-game communities and the forums anymore.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45324516]Haha yep. I have to distract myself until I'm on the brink of consciousness from tiredness until I can fall asleep peacefully, otherwise I'm lying in bed stuck with intrusive and uncontrollable depressing thoughts and embarrassing memories that keep me awake. I'd rather not have to deal with feeling suicidal every night so I basically have to end each day with lying in bed for hours doing something to occupy my mind (like I'm doing right now) to keep the bad thoughts away. I can't read anything long since I can't keep concentrating on it long enough to keep the bad thoughts away. This barely works.[/QUOTE] Pretty much me except they feel the need to torture me all the time, even when I wake up I feel the bad thoughts in my head wake up as well a few seconds later, This shit is so aggravating I just want to blow my brains out and end my stupid brains reign of fury once and for all, but I just can't bring myself to do that I can't burden my family with that or anyone, so I just live and suffer

ugh, my sleep schedule is completely broken. 1 week it's regular, then I spend 2 weeks readjusting it, 1 week regular, 2 weeks adjusting, etc. in 3-4 weeks I've gone the clock round, been awake during both day and night and it doesn't settle. I just can't fall asleep, no matter how tired I am so I'm always pushing the point when I finally fall asleep. I really need to look into chemical sleep medicine. I've been struggling like this for years now, it's unbearable

[QUOTE=PredGD;45354026]ugh, my sleep schedule is completely broken. 1 week it's regular, then I spend 2 weeks readjusting it, 1 week regular, 2 weeks adjusting, etc. in 3-4 weeks I've gone the clock round, been awake during both day and night and it doesn't settle. I just can't fall asleep, no matter how tired I am so I'm always pushing the point when I finally fall asleep. I really need to look into chemical sleep medicine. I've been struggling like this for years now, it's unbearable[/QUOTE] Have you tried melatonin? It's a good supplement/hormone to promote normal sleep, and you don't need to take huge doses either. You can get timed release tablets too so you don't immediately going into REM sleep, then you wont wake up in the middle of the night.

Yeah I'd try melatonin first, that's what I started using many years ago when I was having sleep troubles, it worked great. Now I'm on ambien, and I hate the way it makes me feel, and unfortunately there's a chemical dependency now to where sometimes I can't sleep at all without it, even if I'm heavily sedated from my night time medications.

[QUOTE=Weirdness;45355306]Have you tried melatonin? It's a good supplement/hormone to promote normal sleep, and you don't need to take huge doses either. You can get timed release tablets too so you don't immediately going into REM sleep, then you wont wake up in the middle of the night.[/QUOTE] I used to take melatonin, but the effect quickly wears off for me. it'll work great for 2-3 weeks, then after that it doesn't matter if I take it or not

Sometimes i think the CMHT should assassinate me in my sleep it's what I'd do if I were charged with the care of me :v:

I haven't took Prozac for a while, I feel somewhat indifferent though negative emotions are a bit stronger and I'm more judgemental about myself.

I sometimes wish that I'd never wake up from my sleep.

I've been awake for 20 hours now and I just can't fall asleep. the clock is now 1:47PM, and I've been trying to fall asleep since 9:00AM. pretty much been lying in bed for the past 5 hours without luck. I'd really love to hear some advice on how to "sleep right now". all I can find when I google around are long term things to do, but I need to fall asleep right now. I've been awake for 20 hours, I'm super tired and I can't fall asleeeeeep

[QUOTE=PredGD;45359585]I used to take melatonin, but the effect quickly wears off for me. it'll work great for 2-3 weeks, then after that it doesn't matter if I take it or not[/QUOTE] What dosage were you taking? I've read around that all you really need is something like 0.25-0.50 mcg. Anything more and it either starts REM sleep too quickly, or the body adjusts too quickly to the dosage. [editline]13th July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=PredGD;45366274]I've been awake for 20 hours now and I just can't fall asleep. the clock is now 1:47PM, and I've been trying to fall asleep since 9:00AM. pretty much been lying in bed for the past 5 hours without luck. I'd really love to hear some advice on how to "sleep right now". all I can find when I google around are long term things to do, but I need to fall asleep right now. I've been awake for 20 hours, I'm super tired and I can't fall asleeeeeep[/QUOTE] When I couldn't sleep years back, I'd get out of the house and run back and forth down the street till I was physically drained. Even in the middle of the night. It sorta helped. Might not be the best if you live in a shitty neighborhood though. I also read that apparently(?) wearing orange tinted sunglasses an hour or 2 before going to bed helps release melatonin, which can get delayed if you're staring at your computer screen up till the moment you go to bed. Same with having the light on. Who knows how much it'd help though.

I'm a emotional mess now. I feel my family is having a better time without me, I've been watching back at thing I made on youtube and I see I made shit compared to that and I was never acknowledged as a YTPMVer, My best friend (and only person I actually trust) have gone back to friends of his own and my old friends that are still making me feel like shit. And to top it off he says he doesn't want to be my friend because I flack him for flacking at me. Now I'm laying in bed crying and falling on and off into sleep and I just want fall asleep for good. I'm worth nothing and I'm only a problem in everyones life.

Been having bad thoughts for the longest time, witnessed a suicide recently in London on the subway. I dont get triggered by things, nor did seeing it really affect me because liveleaks kinda messed me up in that regard i guess. But just the fact seeing someone in a position similar to me and being successful in their attempt where as my previous one had failed (luckily) it just makes me think on it more. Theres a lot of things going on, my mind is constantly angry, i havent slept properly since my friend killed himself (unrelated incident, this was two days after my birthday last year), he was the last person keeping me somewhat sane, i've had more vivid night terrors since and i dont eat as much anymore (i dont think its an eating disorder, i just dont want to eat half the time and substitute it for energy drinks and water). I cant pinpoint why, but lately im always angry in my mind, always very very angry. Not because hes gone, not because of this cancer stuff im dealing with, im just angry at everyone and everything taht gets anywhere near me and gets close to me. I dont take it out on them, eveyrthing just makes me fuming and i sit in my room really mad without venting it, but i hate to vent. I'm confused, can someone come over and cuddle the fuck outta me, dont care the gender just get your arms around me and tell me im the best or something while i get angry at you but secretly love it. (And this is coming from someone who hates physical contact, it sounds faggy but its just how i feel and i dont understand it either) I'm always here for any of you lot, my steams on the side, add me and if you need to vent i'm always here, i've made good friends talking to people on here who have been needing someone.

I have finally learned this year that you have to let love find you. I've learned through experience that if you are looking for love and when or if you get it, you will be miserable in the end. We have to make the best out of what we already have, instead of looking for things, wanting things and getting things out of greed etc. x [video=youtube;CH0_Fx78JBc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH0_Fx78JBc[/video]