Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an
4,999 replies, posted
Soo, haven't posted in a while I guess..
I've been through months of psychiatric evaluation and have been diagnosed with: general anxiety disorder(which I'm still getting meds for), paranoia, OCD, avoidant personality disorder, depression. Most of this because I was severely bullied through the years though. I've also inherited some kind of blood-pressure drop, so I can get these fainting'ish episodes(not a good mix with my anxiety). Haven't fainted yet though.
I've gotten a specialist which I'll hopefully get to talk to soon. It's weird when you have shit that you don't even notice until you get told so, and then it kinda makes sense.
I've also changed my outlook on life I guess. I try to enjoy the good days, and fight harder on the bad days so I'll enjoy the good ones even more.
[QUOTE=PredGD;45332518]just tried some new clothes I got now, and it resulted in a big "fuck you" from yours truly, thoughts.
I had fairly high expectations and thought it'd really help out with my self esteem. imagined I'd suit it, etc. then when I try it, nah, looks worse than expected. super dismotivating
yet again, it goes straight back to my weight. I'm not exactly obese, but I still feel like the fattest guy in town. I'm 193cm tall and I'm currently at 92kg. all I see when I see myself in a mirror is fat. arms, face, stomach, everything.
I've tried several times to lose weight, but I haven't had much success yet. in my latest attempt, I managed to scrape off 8kg I believe but it was quickly regained.[/QUOTE]
I know this posts 5 days old but 92kg is healthy weight for that height. I wouldn't try to lose too much.
My life sucks ass. Nothing has turned out as I've hoped.
I've had suicidal thoughts for years, I'm 23 but I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 13. I've kept going on 2 things alone. First reason is plain hope that if I endure it long enough, eventually something will come along and make me feel that life is worth living, or maybe I'd die unexpectedly and without worry by some random accident. The second reason is my friends and family, I don't want to come across ungrateful or in any way make my parents feel responsible for my death, my step-brother and my sister depend a lot on my help, and I know from experience that my mom would be a complete emotional wreck if anything happened to me (I once witnessed her having a massive freakout when she thought I had killed myself ...it's a long story).
I've been tormented by my sexuality for ages. I've been addicted to porn since my early teens, and my interests and kinks have grown so wide as to not bore myself that nothing really excites me anymore. I have never really been popular or felt like anyone's first pick of someone to hang out with, and ever since my early teens I was obsessed with losing my virginity. Girls have never really taken an interest in me, and I've never really learned how to talk to girls. I always were the "nice guy", the guy who's always nice and helpful in hopes that someone would take an interest in me, the guy who wouldn't dare say anything suggestive to a girl I didn't know for sure wouldn't take it the wrong way, and like most signature "nice guys" I was deeply jealous of other peoples happiness. I've always been pretty socially awkward, and the few times I've actually tried to pick up a girl I've been rejected.
From my obsession with porn I eventually realized that I was somewhat attracted to men as well, and as a sexual deviant I wholeheartedly embraced the wide expansion of unexplored territory. I still feel that I'm more attracted to women than men, but I quickly realized gay men were a lot easier to pick up... when I was 17 I met up with some random gay guy about my own age that I met online, I wasn't very attracted to his appearance but he was very sweet and I was still eager to lose my virginity. So I finally lost it, but to my surprise nothing really changed. I didn't feel like less of a loser, I didn't feel like I had achieved much, and most importantly I still didn't feel that losing my virginity had made me feel like a normal teenager.
Sex sorta sucked, so I thought that maybe this was because it was with a guy rather than with a girl. Roughly a year later, I hook up online with some fat chick. We meet up and I got to have sex with a girl for the first time, the sensation itself was a lot more pleasurable and intense than my first time... Our "relationship" which basically consisted of meeting up in my room to fuck and then having her silently watch tv because she didn't want to talk about anything lasted for about 2 months, but ended rather abruptly when we spent the night at her gay best friends place when she declined our offer of a three way but didn't object to us trading blowjobs. Now I had 3 sexual experiences, and 1 of them with a girl. I however still didn't really feel any more confident or normal, I still felt like a socially awkward loser.
Since I still felt like a loser and I still felt very jealous of other peoples sexlives, I wanted to have sex with a lot of different partners so people would be envious of me. So I started to meet up with more guys. I wasn't as attracted to guys as with girls, but hooking up with gay guys online proved to be a lot easier than with girls. Since I've always been very shy, I've always been very bad at striking up a conversation or flirting with someone I don't know. The one thing I absolutely adored about gay dating websites, was the thing that always made me envy girls, that I didn't need to be confident and deal with being rejected because other guys would come flirting with me and I got to be in charge of rejecting guys I wasn't interested in.
I've always envied girls, and secretly I've always loved feeling girly, and I've often wished I would have been born a girl instead. I never really felt transgendered though, I've never really felt I was a woman in a mans body, all I've ever felt like is like a guy in a guys body who really desperately envies the lifestyle of women. If both my face and my body didn't have a lot of masculine features, I would have enjoyed crossdressing to feel girly and cute, as well as slutty.
I've been with significantly more men than I have women, and while I'm very shy and gentle in person I'm very dominant and mischievous during sex. The standards I set for myself with guys are quite honestly pretty bad, I've slept with countless men twice my age or that I just wasn't at all attracted to, and the day after the deed I often feel deeply ashamed of myself. However, when I'm horny I lose a significant portion of my common sense. Whenever I lose control of my urges, I start thinking of partners as a number on my list of how many people I've slept with. The absolute only thing I will think about is making myself feel loved and appreciated, I don't care about whether I find them attractive or whether I myself will really enjoy the sex I'm having with them, all I know is I love how they make me feel like I'm one of the most amazing sluts they'll ever come across. I didn't enjoy being the bottom the first few times since I like being dominant, but I eventually realized that I can still be dominant as a power bottom, I love the slutty feeling of being a dominant bottom who keeps making snarky remarks and giggling while pleasuring someone else. I love riding like a mythical goddess on a complete stranger I don't find particularly attractive but who will always remember me as the sluttiest amazing out of their league one-night-stands they've ever had.
Right after sex I usually feel proud and gleeful for the rest of the day, but the day after if it's with someone I don't find attractive I will be overcome with a great sense of shame and regret. When I think of my sex life I don't really think of something you should be proud or jealous of. When my obsession with sex really started it was the feeling of making other people feel jealous of my sexlife the same way I had spent years jealous of others. Yet, I still don't feel my sexlife is amazing enough. More than anything I've always wanted to feel normal, and normal to me means a sexual relationship with a girl. Because of my constant obsession with making people feel jealous of my sexlife I want someone who'd be very adventurous, but as I'm very easily depressed by jealousy I also want someone who has a lot less experience than me. I have not only a sexual history that is very off putting to girls looking for a serious relationship, I also never got the confidence and social skills to pick up girls, and either way I have rather impossible standards for the girl of my dreams.
[B]ANYWAY... [/B]Sorry about the massive blog post. I've taken about 10 capsules of 40mg Ritalin, and when I started writing this post at 01.00 AM I sort of intended this to be a suicide note and also be more about how much I fucking hate my work that starts at 7.00 in roughly 2 hours. As you may have noticed if you actually felt this was worth reading I got kinda off track talking about my sexuality, and as you as well as me probably have realized since it's been quite a few hours since I took those pills... Ritalin apparently isn't very easy to overdose on, so this is no longer a suicide note
[editline]14th July 2014[/editline]
Hell, this massive blogpost doesn't even come close to describing all that's majorly fucked up with my life. It doesn't even mention me always having been self-conscious about my weight, how my dad went to jail when I was a kid, how I'm secretly sexually attracted to my own sister by blood, how my mom is dating and probably fucking a guy only 2 years older than me, and how almost all of my close friends having moved away has given me abandonment issues
^^Stop comparing yourself with others. You are trying to compete with others for number game and that's not healthy at all.
I think I should've start taking my medication again. I noticed I'm really sensitive without them.
[QUOTE=Simski;45382825]My life sucks ass. Nothing has turned out as I've hoped.
I've had suicidal thoughts for years, I'm 23 but I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 13. I've kept going on 2 things alone. First reason is plain hope that if I endure it long enough, eventually something will come along and make me feel that life is worth living, or maybe I'd die unexpectedly and without worry by some random accident. The second reason is my friends and family, I don't want to come across ungrateful or in any way make my parents feel responsible for my death, my step-brother and my sister depend a lot on my help, and I know from experience that my mom would be a complete emotional wreck if anything happened to me (I once witnessed her having a massive freakout when she thought I had killed myself ...it's a long story).
I've been tormented by my sexuality for ages. I've been addicted to porn since my early teens, and my interests and kinks have grown so wide as to not bore myself that nothing really excites me anymore. I have never really been popular or felt like anyone's first pick of someone to hang out with, and ever since my early teens I was obsessed with losing my virginity. Girls have never really taken an interest in me, and I've never really learned how to talk to girls. I always were the "nice guy", the guy who's always nice and helpful in hopes that someone would take an interest in me, the guy who wouldn't dare say anything suggestive to a girl I didn't know for sure wouldn't take it the wrong way, and like most signature "nice guys" I was deeply jealous of other peoples happiness. I've always been pretty socially awkward, and the few times I've actually tried to pick up a girl I've been rejected.
From my obsession with porn I eventually realized that I was somewhat attracted to men as well, and as a sexual deviant I wholeheartedly embraced the wide expansion of unexplored territory. I still feel that I'm more attracted to women than men, but I quickly realized gay men were a lot easier to pick up... when I was 17 I met up with some random gay guy about my own age that I met online, I wasn't very attracted to his appearance but he was very sweet and I was still eager to lose my virginity. So I finally lost it, but to my surprise nothing really changed. I didn't feel like less of a loser, I didn't feel like I had achieved much, and most importantly I still didn't feel that losing my virginity had made me feel like a normal teenager.
Sex sorta sucked, so I thought that maybe this was because it was with a guy rather than with a girl. Roughly a year later, I hook up online with some fat chick. We meet up and I got to have sex with a girl for the first time, the sensation itself was a lot more pleasurable and intense than my first time... Our "relationship" which basically consisted of meeting up in my room to fuck and then having her silently watch tv because she didn't want to talk about anything lasted for about 2 months, but ended rather abruptly when we spent the night at her gay best friends place when she declined our offer of a three way but didn't object to us trading blowjobs. Now I had 3 sexual experiences, and 1 of them with a girl. I however still didn't really feel any more confident or normal, I still felt like a socially awkward loser.
Since I still felt like a loser and I still felt very jealous of other peoples sexlives, I wanted to have sex with a lot of different partners so people would be envious of me. So I started to meet up with more guys. I wasn't as attracted to guys as with girls, but hooking up with gay guys online proved to be a lot easier than with girls. Since I've always been very shy, I've always been very bad at striking up a conversation or flirting with someone I don't know. The one thing I absolutely adored about gay dating websites, was the thing that always made me envy girls, that I didn't need to be confident and deal with being rejected because other guys would come flirting with me and I got to be in charge of rejecting guys I wasn't interested in.
I've always envied girls, and secretly I've always loved feeling girly, and I've often wished I would have been born a girl instead. I never really felt transgendered though, I've never really felt I was a woman in a mans body, all I've ever felt like is like a guy in a guys body who really desperately envies the lifestyle of women. If both my face and my body didn't have a lot of masculine features, I would have enjoyed crossdressing to feel girly and cute, as well as slutty.
I've been with significantly more men than I have women, and while I'm very shy and gentle in person I'm very dominant and mischievous during sex. The standards I set for myself with guys are quite honestly pretty bad, I've slept with countless men twice my age or that I just wasn't at all attracted to, and the day after the deed I often feel deeply ashamed of myself. However, when I'm horny I lose a significant portion of my common sense. Whenever I lose control of my urges, I start thinking of partners as a number on my list of how many people I've slept with. The absolute only thing I will think about is making myself feel loved and appreciated, I don't care about whether I find them attractive or whether I myself will really enjoy the sex I'm having with them, all I know is I love how they make me feel like I'm one of the most amazing sluts they'll ever come across. I didn't enjoy being the bottom the first few times since I like being dominant, but I eventually realized that I can still be dominant as a power bottom, I love the slutty feeling of being a dominant bottom who keeps making snarky remarks and giggling while pleasuring someone else. I love riding like a mythical goddess on a complete stranger I don't find particularly attractive but who will always remember me as the sluttiest amazing out of their league one-night-stands they've ever had.
Right after sex I usually feel proud and gleeful for the rest of the day, but the day after if it's with someone I don't find attractive I will be overcome with a great sense of shame and regret. When I think of my sex life I don't really think of something you should be proud or jealous of. When my obsession with sex really started it was the feeling of making other people feel jealous of my sexlife the same way I had spent years jealous of others. Yet, I still don't feel my sexlife is amazing enough. More than anything I've always wanted to feel normal, and normal to me means a sexual relationship with a girl. Because of my constant obsession with making people feel jealous of my sexlife I want someone who'd be very adventurous, but as I'm very easily depressed by jealousy I also want someone who has a lot less experience than me. I have not only a sexual history that is very off putting to girls looking for a serious relationship, I also never got the confidence and social skills to pick up girls, and either way I have rather impossible standards for the girl of my dreams.
[B]ANYWAY... [/B]Sorry about the massive blog post. I've taken about 10 capsules of 40mg Ritalin, and when I started writing this post at 01.00 AM I sort of intended this to be a suicide note and also be more about how much I fucking hate my work that starts at 7.00 in roughly 2 hours. As you may have noticed if you actually felt this was worth reading I got kinda off track talking about my sexuality, and as you as well as me probably have realized since it's been quite a few hours since I took those pills... Ritalin apparently isn't very easy to overdose on, so this is no longer a suicide note
[editline]14th July 2014[/editline]
Hell, this massive blogpost doesn't even come close to describing all that's majorly fucked up with my life. It doesn't even mention me always having been self-conscious about my weight, how my dad went to jail when I was a kid, how I'm secretly sexually attracted to my own sister by blood, how my mom is dating and probably fucking a guy only 2 years older than me, and how almost all of my close friends having moved away has given me abandonment issues[/QUOTE]
Firstly, I think you should seek professional help and maybe talk to your family about your issues.
Secondly, a porn addiction has something to do with feeling "safe" because when you're afraid or anxious, you have something to go to that gives you instant gratification.
You should also probably just stop giving a shit about others and think for yourself. Try to broaden your horizon and start getting some hobbies, start working out or running. It helps to release stress and gives you a nice confidence boost and "high" to boot.
The most important thing is to want to get better and not giving up. If you don't have a terminal disease or living on the streets with a crippling drug addiction, suicide shouldn't be an option.
[QUOTE=Simski;45382825]My life sucks ass. Nothing has turned out as I've hoped.
I've had suicidal thoughts for years, I'm 23 but I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 13. I've kept going on 2 things alone. First reason is plain hope that if I endure it long enough, eventually something will come along and make me feel that life is worth living, or maybe I'd die unexpectedly and without worry by some random accident. The second reason is my friends and family, I don't want to come across ungrateful or in any way make my parents feel responsible for my death, my step-brother and my sister depend a lot on my help, and I know from experience that my mom would be a complete emotional wreck if anything happened to me (I once witnessed her having a massive freakout when she thought I had killed myself ...it's a long story).
I've been tormented by my sexuality for ages. I've been addicted to porn since my early teens, and my interests and kinks have grown so wide as to not bore myself that nothing really excites me anymore. I have never really been popular or felt like anyone's first pick of someone to hang out with, and ever since my early teens I was obsessed with losing my virginity. Girls have never really taken an interest in me, and I've never really learned how to talk to girls. I always were the "nice guy", the guy who's always nice and helpful in hopes that someone would take an interest in me, the guy who wouldn't dare say anything suggestive to a girl I didn't know for sure wouldn't take it the wrong way, and like most signature "nice guys" I was deeply jealous of other peoples happiness. I've always been pretty socially awkward, and the few times I've actually tried to pick up a girl I've been rejected.
From my obsession with porn I eventually realized that I was somewhat attracted to men as well, and as a sexual deviant I wholeheartedly embraced the wide expansion of unexplored territory. I still feel that I'm more attracted to women than men, but I quickly realized gay men were a lot easier to pick up... when I was 17 I met up with some random gay guy about my own age that I met online, I wasn't very attracted to his appearance but he was very sweet and I was still eager to lose my virginity. So I finally lost it, but to my surprise nothing really changed. I didn't feel like less of a loser, I didn't feel like I had achieved much, and most importantly I still didn't feel that losing my virginity had made me feel like a normal teenager.
Sex sorta sucked, so I thought that maybe this was because it was with a guy rather than with a girl. Roughly a year later, I hook up online with some fat chick. We meet up and I got to have sex with a girl for the first time, the sensation itself was a lot more pleasurable and intense than my first time... Our "relationship" which basically consisted of meeting up in my room to fuck and then having her silently watch tv because she didn't want to talk about anything lasted for about 2 months, but ended rather abruptly when we spent the night at her gay best friends place when she declined our offer of a three way but didn't object to us trading blowjobs. Now I had 3 sexual experiences, and 1 of them with a girl. I however still didn't really feel any more confident or normal, I still felt like a socially awkward loser.
Since I still felt like a loser and I still felt very jealous of other peoples sexlives, I wanted to have sex with a lot of different partners so people would be envious of me. So I started to meet up with more guys. I wasn't as attracted to guys as with girls, but hooking up with gay guys online proved to be a lot easier than with girls. Since I've always been very shy, I've always been very bad at striking up a conversation or flirting with someone I don't know. The one thing I absolutely adored about gay dating websites, was the thing that always made me envy girls, that I didn't need to be confident and deal with being rejected because other guys would come flirting with me and I got to be in charge of rejecting guys I wasn't interested in.
I've always envied girls, and secretly I've always loved feeling girly, and I've often wished I would have been born a girl instead. I never really felt transgendered though, I've never really felt I was a woman in a mans body, all I've ever felt like is like a guy in a guys body who really desperately envies the lifestyle of women. If both my face and my body didn't have a lot of masculine features, I would have enjoyed crossdressing to feel girly and cute, as well as slutty.
I've been with significantly more men than I have women, and while I'm very shy and gentle in person I'm very dominant and mischievous during sex. The standards I set for myself with guys are quite honestly pretty bad, I've slept with countless men twice my age or that I just wasn't at all attracted to, and the day after the deed I often feel deeply ashamed of myself. However, when I'm horny I lose a significant portion of my common sense. Whenever I lose control of my urges, I start thinking of partners as a number on my list of how many people I've slept with. The absolute only thing I will think about is making myself feel loved and appreciated, I don't care about whether I find them attractive or whether I myself will really enjoy the sex I'm having with them, all I know is I love how they make me feel like I'm one of the most amazing sluts they'll ever come across. I didn't enjoy being the bottom the first few times since I like being dominant, but I eventually realized that I can still be dominant as a power bottom, I love the slutty feeling of being a dominant bottom who keeps making snarky remarks and giggling while pleasuring someone else. I love riding like a mythical goddess on a complete stranger I don't find particularly attractive but who will always remember me as the sluttiest amazing out of their league one-night-stands they've ever had.
Right after sex I usually feel proud and gleeful for the rest of the day, but the day after if it's with someone I don't find attractive I will be overcome with a great sense of shame and regret. When I think of my sex life I don't really think of something you should be proud or jealous of. When my obsession with sex really started it was the feeling of making other people feel jealous of my sexlife the same way I had spent years jealous of others. Yet, I still don't feel my sexlife is amazing enough. More than anything I've always wanted to feel normal, and normal to me means a sexual relationship with a girl. Because of my constant obsession with making people feel jealous of my sexlife I want someone who'd be very adventurous, but as I'm very easily depressed by jealousy I also want someone who has a lot less experience than me. I have not only a sexual history that is very off putting to girls looking for a serious relationship, I also never got the confidence and social skills to pick up girls, and either way I have rather impossible standards for the girl of my dreams.
[B]ANYWAY... [/B]Sorry about the massive blog post. I've taken about 10 capsules of 40mg Ritalin, and when I started writing this post at 01.00 AM I sort of intended this to be a suicide note and also be more about how much I fucking hate my work that starts at 7.00 in roughly 2 hours. As you may have noticed if you actually felt this was worth reading I got kinda off track talking about my sexuality, and as you as well as me probably have realized since it's been quite a few hours since I took those pills... Ritalin apparently isn't very easy to overdose on, so this is no longer a suicide note
[editline]14th July 2014[/editline]
Hell, this massive blogpost doesn't even come close to describing all that's majorly fucked up with my life. It doesn't even mention me always having been self-conscious about my weight, how my dad went to jail when I was a kid, how I'm secretly sexually attracted to my own sister by blood, how my mom is dating and probably fucking a guy only 2 years older than me, and how almost all of my close friends having moved away has given me abandonment issues[/QUOTE]
Do not ever compare yourself to others. That's bad, real bad. You will always feel inadequate and inferior. The solution is simple and can be said in one word: stop
Going to see my therapist tomorrow, its gotten really really really bad, I wouldn't admit this too anyone if it was something I knew I could keep up the fight against but I cried myself to sleep to last night. I'm sitting right now thinking about if its worth it to wait and see what happens tomorrow, maybe I can get on some meds or just some serious help and make it through. Maybe though it won't help at all and if it does again then how long will it repel this shit? Maybe it would be worth it to just try once more at ending it...
It really sucks that people can be so obsessed with sex and sex culture. I was in the past and I really fucking regret it.
I'm starting to have some more intrusive thoughts again. I took some medication this morning and I'm planning to regularly take it. I'm just having some really disturbing thoughts about evolution that seem pretty true.
It's funny, cuz one of the first questions my therapist asked was if I had an addiction to porn and sex(to which my answer was yes). It seems to be pretty common thing. Especially now that porn is such easy to get.
It was really bad a while. I would spend whole weeks just looking at porn and it has somehow distanced myself from feeling real love.
[QUOTE=Thaard;45389003]It's funny, cuz one of the first questions my therapist asked was if I had an addiction to porn and sex(to which my answer was yes). It seems to be pretty common thing. Especially now that porn is such easy to get.[/QUOTE]
Like I remember I used to scoff at the idea of people having a porn addiction because it seemed really silly to have one but later I seemed to have one. Ironic.
I sometimes think a porn addiction was like evolution telling you that you shouldn't reproduce. But once you think about it, the stimulation you get was probably supposed to be interpenetrated as "I should spread my genes more" instead of "Time to look at more tentacle porn".
Human brain is evolved to enjoy pleasure (that's how we learn to do things like eating, being social, etc, it's dopamine release), some people find it in porn, it's not a bad thing unless it gets in the way of your life.
Plus, just because you regret something doesn't mean it's a bad thing for everyone else. Some of the best feelings you can feel come during sex, not from the direct pleasure of it, but from the feeling of sharing the experience and intimacy, life isn't worth living alone and without feelings and emotion.
Unless you're talking about that whole thing with the freaky fetish avatars and stuff, that was a "wow look how weird I am" circklejerk.
[editline]14th July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45389071]Like I remember I used to scoff at the idea of people having a porn addiction because it seemed really silly to have one but later I seemed to have one. Ironic.
I sometimes think a porn addiction was like evolution telling you that you shouldn't reproduce. But once you think about it, the stimulation you get was probably supposed to be interpenetrated as "I should spread my genes more" instead of "Time to look at more tentacle porn".[/QUOTE]
Yeah we shouldn't all be mindless drones, living to just spread are genes and not do things which we find pleasurable. You gotta find enjoyment in life somehow and if "tentacle porn" does it for you then so be it.
I like sex more for the intimacy I guess, rather than just bang and empty. It's a great stress reliever.
Maybe I'm turning more and more into Jon Arbuckle
[QUOTE=Thaard;45389351]I like sex more for the intimacy I guess, rather than just bang and empty. It's a great stress reliever.
Maybe I'm turning more and more into Jon Arbuckle[/QUOTE]
Yeah a lot of the pleasure comes from making others feel good and relaxing.
[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45389424]Yeah a lot of the pleasure comes from making others feel good and relaxing.[/QUOTE]
It's just being close to another person I guess. When you have put off most intimacy for 20 odd years like me, you forget how it is to be really intimate with another person, especially of the opposite sex.
My paranoia and OCD makes me almost completely unable to trust people, even my best friends and family. When it was at it's worst, I was convinced that my dad was going to kill me in my sleep with a knife, so I always locked my bedroom door.
It's weird to think that all this started with childhood anxiety and bullying. Thinking that if I was born another place, I wouldn't be so "different" today and maybe be a happy person.
Anyways, I'm done with these defeatist thoughts.
I'm anxious as fuck about going to work every day even though I like my job and I'm not bad at it. Thanks brain.
Kind of stressed about work, the new workers pester us for help constantly which we've been happily providing for over 2 weeks whilst they get trained but the real problem is that it's become a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. If we help them out we'll fall behind on work and get moaned at. If we don't help them we'll get moaned at for not being part of the team.
Ugh, the worst part is where the manager belittles you in front of the whole team of new people so I decided that I had enough and told her not to aggravate me like that again. Can't wait to hear what bullshit they'll try to defend their point that not enough work was being done.
sorry for vent, it just helps to do so instead of getting angry and breaking things.
Ever had that feeling when you really want to talk to people about so many things, but cannot find anybody with enough patience or responsiveness and stuff piles up inside you?
I know that whenever I DO get a chance to talk, I just let 'er rip and motormouth away. Otherwise, I try to keep silent and mutter to myself things constantly to talk to SOMETHING.
TL;DR: So ronery.
[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45389424]Yeah a lot of the pleasure comes from making others feel good and relaxing.[/QUOTE]
I used to be in a position where i was pretty much having sex regularly but meainingless, but i never watched a lot of porn, i just always had it on the mind with some strange people.
Now i'm with someone we share something special, i still dont think people should ever hate their fantasys though and whilst porn is addictive aslong as you dont make your life around and seek help you'll be able to overcome it.
I wish my mind would shut up
think I just remembered why I decided to cut contact with the people I knew last year. for whatever reason, I was put in a group chat with someone I don't know and two others who used to be my friends. one of those I used to be fairly close with had sent a nude picture of someone I also knew last year. it was a screenshotted pic on snapchat, so clearly it was supposed to be private. they wrote stuff like "hahahha" and how they had to "share it with everyone". in the original picture below all the snapchat annotations, the girl in the nude pic said "look at how fat I am, I just want to die :(". it was clearly meant to be private, and these assholes shared it around.
even more disgusting, the girl who sent the initial picture is or used to be this girl in the nude pic best friend.
I used to have the impression she was really false the girl who shared the picture. first she had a crush on me (not mutual), then before I knew the word of it, she jumped on another guys cock. only a few months after that, she kept talking to me about how hard it was and how she didn't know if she liked him or not. she decided to quit the relationship, and guess who was the most heart broken? she was.
not too long after the breakup, she suddenly gets a huge crush on boyfriend of the girl who I've talked some of earlier in the thread. as far as I know, they weren't together back then for some reason. not even a month later, she got together with ANOTHER guy, but decided to spend most of her time with the first ex. then that ended too, and more than that I don't know.
she used to be really against drugs too and this other girl. kept calling her false, but guess what, suddenly she sent me snapchat pics of her and this girl (who were supposedly "enemies") smoking a joint.
I think the reason I left them was pretty clear when I think back at it :v:
[QUOTE=PredGD;45393957]think I just remembered why I decided to cut contact with the people I knew last year. for whatever reason, I was put in a group chat with someone I don't know and two others who used to be my friends. one of those I used to be fairly close with had sent a nude picture of someone I also knew last year. it was a screenshotted pic on snapchat, so clearly it was supposed to be private. they wrote stuff like "hahahha" and how they had to "share it with everyone". in the original picture below all the snapchat annotations, the girl in the nude pic said "look at how fat I am, I just want to die :(". it was clearly meant to be private, and these assholes shared it around.
even more disgusting, the girl who sent the initial picture is or used to be this girl in the nude pic best friend.
I used to have the impression she was really false the girl who shared the picture. first she had a crush on me (not mutual), then before I knew the word of it, she jumped on another guys cock. only a few months after that, she kept talking to me about how hard it was and how she didn't know if she liked him or not. she decided to quit the relationship, and guess who was the most heart broken? she was.
not too long after the breakup, she suddenly gets a huge crush on boyfriend of the girl who I've talked some of earlier in the thread. as far as I know, they weren't together back then for some reason. not even a month later, she got together with ANOTHER guy, but decided to spend most of her time with the first ex. then that ended too, and more than that I don't know.
she used to be really against drugs too and this other girl. kept calling her false, but guess what, suddenly she sent me snapchat pics of her and this girl (who were supposedly "enemies") smoking a joint.
I think the reason I left them was pretty clear when I think back at it :v:[/QUOTE]
Good choice, you don't need to be involved with all that bullshit
[QUOTE=PredGD;45393957]think I just remembered why I decided to cut contact with the people I knew last year. for whatever reason, I was put in a group chat with someone I don't know and two others who used to be my friends. one of those I used to be fairly close with had sent a nude picture of someone I also knew last year. it was a screenshotted pic on snapchat, so clearly it was supposed to be private. they wrote stuff like "hahahha" and how they had to "share it with everyone". in the original picture below all the snapchat annotations, the girl in the nude pic said "look at how fat I am, I just want to die :(". it was clearly meant to be private, and these assholes shared it around.
even more disgusting, the girl who sent the initial picture is or used to be this girl in the nude pic best friend.
I used to have the impression she was really false the girl who shared the picture. first she had a crush on me (not mutual), then before I knew the word of it, she jumped on another guys cock. only a few months after that, she kept talking to me about how hard it was and how she didn't know if she liked him or not. she decided to quit the relationship, and guess who was the most heart broken? she was.
not too long after the breakup, she suddenly gets a huge crush on boyfriend of the girl who I've talked some of earlier in the thread. as far as I know, they weren't together back then for some reason. not even a month later, she got together with ANOTHER guy, but decided to spend most of her time with the first ex. then that ended too, and more than that I don't know.
she used to be really against drugs too and this other girl. kept calling her false, but guess what, suddenly she sent me snapchat pics of her and this girl (who were supposedly "enemies") smoking a joint.
I think the reason I left them was pretty clear when I think back at it :v:[/QUOTE]
Thinking about the picture thing, I don't understand these sorts of interactions. Do any of them actually think it's funny? I mean, the incentive for the first group is pretty obvious. They want to hurt her. However, why would anybody else share it? What value does that hold? I don't think anyone thinks it's funny, but it happens anyway. Fucking despicable.
This is probably going to be a long summer. I really need a job but I'm like unmotivated to really get one. I don't really care about money that much, probably because I don't pay the bills and I only buy what I need.
[editline]15th July 2014[/editline]
Hell just recently my parents asked if they could borrow some money for Vegas and I said "sure w/e" they took all $400 of it. Actually I'm not sure how much money I have. They could probably get away with stealing a few.
[editline]15th July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Nitro836;45390972]Ever had that feeling when you really want to talk to people about so many things, but cannot find anybody with enough patience or responsiveness and stuff piles up inside you?
I know that whenever I DO get a chance to talk, I just let 'er rip and motormouth away. Otherwise, I try to keep silent and mutter to myself things constantly to talk to SOMETHING.
TL;DR: So ronery.[/QUOTE]
I'm starting to bitch and moan a little about issues I encountered throughout the day to one of my hardass friends. I'm going to stop doing that because it feels really awkward. I feel like a massive attention whore when I think about talking to someone about my issues because nobody else needs to deal with that shit.
I've pretty much upped and left the only friends i had for years due to them changing into foul things over the years, its funny how nasty people turn and how you can wake up from seeing things.
So now i have, what 2-3 really close friends, even then i'm always locked away and dont see them, going kinda crazy but oh well :/
Sometimes I just feel broken.
I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 6 and then I found out recently that when I was born I wasn't breathing. The doctors took me away for a good 20 minutes without giving any updates on my condition.
20 undocumented minutes and god knows how long I was without oxygen. It might not be aspergers, it could have been brain damage since birth.
But I honestly have no clue, but either way I just feel off. I don't feel independent, or well developed, or feel like I'm at the right level as my peers. I barely know anyone and while I probably will get to know some people once I start this college course in a few months I'm terrified that my lack of social skills will fuck me over.
I just want to live life knowing that I'm making the right choices and that I'm getting somewhere I want to be, but I just feel like I lack the confidence or self esteem to do anything about it and even then I just feel like it'd be impossible for me to get anywhere being the way I am.
It already took me a great deal of effort just to finally speak up about it; I really need to stop keeping these things to myself because it's eating me up inside.
Hi everyone. First time in this thread.
It's no longer prevalent now due to it happening two years ago, but I thought I'd ask anyway.
Back in my Science class freshman year, I started having a panic attack. And with the panic attack I also have another problem. It's very hard to explain but I'll try my best: whenever I concentrate on something (such as text on a piece of paper, meaning this happens a lot during SOLs, ect) my hearing amplifies itself. Even reading a book and the flipping of a page can serverly amplify and it drives me insane. It doesn't happen much anymore but I believe its a cause of anxiety. Which is odd seeing as my life is pretty much going great right now.
Anyone have any idea what my problem could be? Like I said it doesn't happen that much but even my parents have no idea what causes it.
Is it possible that I could lend someone's ear (well really eye)
I am more than willing to return the favor
it's really no good feeling to be at a standstill for over a year. I haven't done anything to improve, and if anything, stuff has only gotten worse.
it really feels like nothing is gonna work. I think that my weight is a very big issue when it comes to my social anxiety and self esteem, but it's so hard to do something about it when destructive thoughts and lack of motivation kicks in which disrupts it. could just be an excuse, I really don't know.
I feel the need to rant, but I'm just so empty. I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to rant about, but I feel there's something boiling up and clogging up my thoughts.
I've never felt truly desperate before, but I think I'm feeling a sense of desperation kicking in. feels like I've tried everything, but each issue cancels what I could do to improve something else. if I try to lose weight, I quickly get destructive thoughts about how it's not worth it and how I have to change my lifestyle around to accomplish it. if I want to take a walk outside, I feel too fat and don't want anyone to see me like I am so I never do it.
hopefully I won't sound edgy, but I'm fairly surprised over not having any suicidal thoughts considering I have no clue what to do and something tells me this is something I won't be able to fix.
[editline]16th July 2014[/editline]
it's so frustrating not being able to translate my feelings into text. I'm afraid I'll sound over dramatic about my issues which I know is kind of frowned upon.
it's hard to explain, but this feeling is really bothering me. it feels like I could write a book with this feeling of my thoughts clogging up with worries, but when I open my mouth to say something or to type something, it's just empty.
^^Find a challenge. Learn an instrument. It wont be easy for sure but the prospect of learning it will be the most rewarding one.
I realize that when I play instruments I am a completely different person.
Apart from that try to invest time in reading books. Gives you a different perspective.
Can also start out toning your body. Hit the gym or if that's not possible them start at home. Go for a run in the morning. Practice boxing.
All these activities will help you forward in life.
There is a sense of accomplishment in overcoming a challenge. And that's what keep us going on.
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