Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

Just felt like offing myself a moment ago. While I was in bed my cat scratched my lips for attention so wacked it's head lightly in anger. It used to be purring and now it was whimpering. I don't know why it's still here by my feet, that just makes me feel worse. If I abuse animals what good am I?

^^At least you think about whats bad and good in retrospection. Try to build up on that and be a zen master.

Fritzel is right, only problem is that you'll eventually start running low on instruments to learn...

[QUOTE=fritzel;45405292]^^At least you think about whats bad and good in retrospection. Try to build up on that and be a zen master.[/QUOTE] Doesn't really justify what I've done. I pretty much got really pissed that someone was trying to play psychiatrist on me when I made it clear I wasn't interested. I kept calling the person out but then he told me to go away so yeah that got me really pissed. [editline]16th July 2014[/editline] Theres so much I want to say to people but that obviously just causes shit

So damn tired all the time..

[QUOTE=fritzel;45405188]^^Find a challenge. Learn an instrument. It wont be easy for sure but the prospect of learning it will be the most rewarding one. I realize that when I play instruments I am a completely different person. Apart from that try to invest time in reading books. Gives you a different perspective. Can also start out toning your body. Hit the gym or if that's not possible them start at home. Go for a run in the morning. Practice boxing. All these activities will help you forward in life. There is a sense of accomplishment in overcoming a challenge. And that's what keep us going on.[/QUOTE] I actually have an electric guitar which I've wanted to learn properly but never got around to do it since I found it tiring and more of a chore than fun. I've had Rocksmith 2014 for a while too, but didn't get the cable before today and I'm having a blast with it. I keep reading things like how it's slower to learn that way, but only after 2 hours I've already learned more than I did in 1 week without it. hopefully I'll be able to keep it up, and maybe it'll help out with the depression etc? don't feel like I have anything to lose on it. it'll keep my mind occupied, and if I'm bored I have more things I can resort to doing so those crushing thoughts stay away

So I've taken a week off work... my first little holiday since I started working full time; 6 days a week, 2 years ago. Oh my lord I feel pretty good over all for once. I doubt any of you guys are as stupid as I were, but if you feel like work is affecting you heavily then take some time off. Even if you don't have any big plans, it does help a heap. I hate talking about [I]my problems[/I] but I was seriously considering suicide 2 weeks ago

[QUOTE=Dub!;45402112]Hi everyone. First time in this thread. It's no longer prevalent now due to it happening two years ago, but I thought I'd ask anyway. Back in my Science class freshman year, I started having a panic attack. And with the panic attack I also have another problem. It's very hard to explain but I'll try my best: whenever I concentrate on something (such as text on a piece of paper, meaning this happens a lot during SOLs, ect) my hearing amplifies itself. Even reading a book and the flipping of a page can serverly amplify and it drives me insane. It doesn't happen much anymore but I believe its a cause of anxiety. Which is odd seeing as my life is pretty much going great right now. Anyone have any idea what my problem could be? Like I said it doesn't happen that much but even my parents have no idea what causes it.[/QUOTE] No one?

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45410191]Doesn't really justify what I've done. I pretty much got really pissed that someone was trying to play psychiatrist on me when I made it clear I wasn't interested. I kept calling the person out but then he told me to go away so yeah that got me really pissed. [/QUOTE] Can't really do much about past, can we ? Thinking about that will only keep you from living in the present. Forget about past justifications. It's not easy but you can eventually just brush it off. Try to improve the time that you have and that which will be ahead of you. Let the past be a teacher to you. [QUOTE=PredGD;45411102]I actually have an electric guitar which I've wanted to learn properly but never got around to do it since I found it tiring and more of a chore than fun. I've had Rocksmith 2014 for a while too, but didn't get the cable before today and I'm having a blast with it. I keep reading things like how it's slower to learn that way, but only after 2 hours I've already learned more than I did in 1 week without it. [/QUOTE] Just keep the variations in learning guitar. It will be a chore if you practice without indulging yourself in. Concentrate on form and accuracy. Speed can be gained after that. Take your own sweet time and learn for fun.

my cat brought in a raven earlier. as it was trying to escape, it flew straight into the bathroom wall at full speed. it didn't fly after that. blood quite literally splattered over the floor and there were feathers everywhere. it hid behind the washing machine after a while, but its panting and the sound of it choking on its own blood was horrible. I feel so incredibly bad right now. I wish I caught my cat and the raven in the act earlier so I at least could have given the raven a chance before getting too badly injured. I really want to drag the washing machine out so I can retrieve the little guy, but there's no way he's going to survive if he's even alive at this point. what do I do with him? it feels so disrespectful to just throw it away in the trash I feel like I'm beating myself up too much for it. my cat is a cat and they hunt stuff, and there's really not much more to it. sadly the raven became the victim, but it's kind of how nature goes anyway.

[QUOTE=Bordellimies;45410809]So damn tired all the time..[/QUOTE] Get more iodine in your diet. I was surprised how much more energetic I got once I started taking it more often. [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Dub!;45402112]Hi everyone. First time in this thread. It's no longer prevalent now due to it happening two years ago, but I thought I'd ask anyway. Back in my Science class freshman year, I started having a panic attack. And with the panic attack I also have another problem. It's very hard to explain but I'll try my best: whenever I concentrate on something (such as text on a piece of paper, meaning this happens a lot during SOLs, ect) my hearing amplifies itself. Even reading a book and the flipping of a page can serverly amplify and it drives me insane. It doesn't happen much anymore but I believe its a cause of anxiety. Which is odd seeing as my life is pretty much going great right now. Anyone have any idea what my problem could be? Like I said it doesn't happen that much but even my parents have no idea what causes it.[/QUOTE] No idea what the cause could be, but you could try some stuff to calm your anxiety down. Green tea / Theanine is an easy choice; you can easily get green tea from your supermarket, while Theanine as a supplement you'd have to get online. Or you could try Taurine. Both of them raise the amount of GABA in your brain, which keeps Glutamine in check and in turn calms you down. Theanine is more calming and relaxing than Taurine, but might make you drowsy if you don't take it with caffeine. Taurine you can find in some energy drinks, but those have wayyyyy too much sugar in them, so it's not feasible to drink those every time your anxiety comes up. Better to take it as a supplement when you need it. Chamomile is relaxing too, but it doesn't affect GABA. I take 2 cups of that at the end of the day and it helps me get to sleep. Dunno how it'd go for anxiety, but apparently some people have had some good results with it. YMMV.

[QUOTE=PredGD;45416000]my cat brought in a raven earlier. as it was trying to escape, it flew straight into the bathroom wall at full speed. it didn't fly after that. blood quite literally splattered over the floor and there were feathers everywhere. it hid behind the washing machine after a while, but its panting and the sound of it choking on its own blood was horrible. I feel so incredibly bad right now. I wish I caught my cat and the raven in the act earlier so I at least could have given the raven a chance before getting too badly injured. I really want to drag the washing machine out so I can retrieve the little guy, but there's no way he's going to survive if he's even alive at this point. what do I do with him? it feels so disrespectful to just throw it away in the trash I feel like I'm beating myself up too much for it. my cat is a cat and they hunt stuff, and there's really not much more to it. sadly the raven became the victim, but it's kind of how nature goes anyway.[/QUOTE] Thing is, it's not how nature goes since housecats were brought into the country by humans (they wouldn't be in the country, especially in such great numbers, without humans), but you can't blame the cat or yourself since it's just a side effect of owning pets.

A few months ago, around March/April, I started getting a terrible depression. It got so bad that I wasn't going to classes for weeks. Then, one day when I went to counseling, I was talking to the on-campus physician about my problems, and he forced me to go to a hospital. This was around a week before the end of classes. I wasn't able to get any of my work done, and right after getting released 6 days after from the stabilization unit, I was taken home and couldn't go to take my finals because of all the stress and anxiety classes were giving me which increased my depression. So, I've been on a process of withdrawing my classes for the past 3 months now. It's now gotten to a point that I may not be able to go back to school next semester. That on top of the costs of school are fucking driving me insane right now. My loans were taken away from last semester, so I owe the school $3500. I possibly won't be able to get any loans nor state scholarships next semester. I'm going to have to pay $7000 next semester. Doesn't help that neither my family nor I have any money to pay that. So, I'm fucked right now. It's making me fucking depressed as shit. I've been trying to find work all summer, but only managed to get something 2 weeks ago which is really temporary (it's a staffing agency so they give you random jobs for x dollars an hour). Only managed to get 1 job out of it for 2 weeks ago for 2 days and 3 days this week. Hardly any money. Also doesn't help that the job is an hour away, so all that fucking money is going into gas. I fucking hate my life right now. I'm 18, in debt, and still dealing with depression. Honestly, not a day goes by where dying doesn't seem like a good idea. Even on my best days where I'm really happy. Honestly, I just don't want to live anymore. Life fucking sucks and it's only going to get worse. I don't want to deal with this shit. Someone please tell me something worth living for, because I can't fucking find anything.

[QUOTE=fritzel;45413939]Can't really do much about past, can we ? Thinking about that will only keep you from living in the present. Forget about past justifications. It's not easy but you can eventually just brush it off. Try to improve the time that you have and that which will be ahead of you. Let the past be a teacher to you.[/QUOTE] Yes I've learned from the past, but it's like I can't forget about it because either I or someone else brings it up.

Hey guys, read some of your stories, pretty sad. I'm still fairly young, I do have allot of problems and such, but I really don't feel like talking about it, the main reason I'm commenting is because of a video which is really awesome and it's helped me allot, you may have already seen it, you probably know the guy who created it, he does videos for people if you pay him, he is heaps funny, but on this rare occasion he made a really awesome serious video: [video=youtube;EWJP3L1vztA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWJP3L1vztA[/video] I hope some of you take advice from that, also, you may have heard of this before, but there is a beautiful poem about bullying, I find it quite sad, but it's beautiful. [video=youtube;ltun92DfnPY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY[/video] I hope that youse are able to get back on your feet and be resilient from your past or present, and always remember that if today is as bad as it gets, understand that by tomorrow, today will have ended. Life is a bitch, and I really do hope that youse are able to get through any tough times. I also suggest checking out other things by Shane Koyczan, the poet, especially this poem: [video=youtube;rPU3t-x3Vz4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPU3t-x3Vz4[/video]

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45425747]Yes I've learned from the past, but it's like I can't forget about it because either I or someone else brings it up.[/QUOTE] You don't have to forget it because that's not possible. Accept it and embrace it. Just don't defend for or against it as there is nothing that you can do to alter the outcome. It has already happened. The more time you spend brooding over past the less you have for present and future. Live in the present.

fucking christ, and i didn't think this week could get any worse saw my crush at the supermarket today for the first time in over a year, the source over my depression i had to get out of there, quick fuck dinner, i'm having cookies tonight

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45405200]Just felt like offing myself a moment ago. While I was in bed my cat scratched my lips for attention so wacked it's head lightly in anger. It used to be purring and now it was whimpering. I don't know why it's still here by my feet, that just makes me feel worse. If I abuse animals what good am I?[/QUOTE] Most animals don't care, even two perfectly amicable cats take swipes at each other now and then for no real reason. I doubt you actually hurt him, he probably just thinks you were playing.

I genuinely want to die now. Nothing even matters any more, there just isn't a point in living at all. [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] It's not getting better at all

My angus hurts

[QUOTE=fritzel;45427073]You don't have to forget it because that's not possible. Accept it and embrace it. Just don't defend for or against it as there is nothing that you can do to alter the outcome. It has already happened. The more time you spend brooding over past the less you have for present and future. Live in the present.[/QUOTE] I can't embrace something like that. imo it makes me sub-human.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45434580]I can't embrace something like that. imo it makes me sub-human.[/QUOTE] But still it was you. Wasn't it ? There might had been odd circumstances at play. Don't take it in a negative way. Ever seen little children playfully killing small animals (tying threads to insects, frogs, birds etc) ? Do they understand what they are doing ? Probably not. Do they have to feel bad about that when they grow up ? I suppose so. Can they reverse what they did in the moment of ignorance ? Likely not possible. They have to live with that in the back of their consciousness. It's up to them to either accept it and treat it as a check to improve on or just don't care about and go about their life. Embrace bad things done earlier knowing that you are trying best to improve from the past you and you will not be the same past you. When you accept that you did something wrong then it's easier to make amends and be at peace. We all carry scars as souvenirs of past things. You don't want to scratch those but let those be a reminder to you that you still have to learn a lot and improve. In the wake of that, look forward.

Talked with my crush, we had a pretty long talk about how we both feel manipulated by our friend Who wanted to make me out as a target. Now she understanding my problem so we talked about it, everything from my love, my disorders that probably are present. But things sorted out and I feel like it's worth living again. Life is beautiful sometimes.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;45435262]Talked with my crush, we had a pretty long talk about how we both feel manipulated by our friend Who wanted to make me out as a target. Now she understanding my problem so we talked about it, everything from my love, my disorders that probably are present. But things sorted out and I feel like it's worth living again. Life is beautiful sometimes.[/QUOTE] Nothing's better than closing the loose ends. Hope you will find it easier to move on.

She seemed to understand why I lost the respect for the other girl. She played really dirty and I told her about that and what it caused. I have no reason to be paranoid or depressed, because the whole reason why I felt depressed was because she manipulated shit so I felt like a bad guy. The crush understood that and we tried to move on. To have happy and repulsive thoughts about my life is something I haven't felt in a while. Maybe this can be a nail in the coffin for my depression and anxiety problems.

after 1 week of having the house for myself, my family is back. I didn't expect things to improve so much only by them leaving. I've been leaving the room a lot more, kept the door to my room open 24/7, I've been on the porch, I've tended to the cats, even been upstairs and watched TV. I felt so free, no worries at all. for some reason I felt the need to shower and properly take care of myself too when I've been alone. it was great being alone. now that they're back, everything gets worse. I felt the need to shut the door to my room the instant I heard their voices, my stomach turned by the thought of them being here. I feel physically ill. my mind is so clogged up now and my mood just went from okay to a feeling of panic and helplessness. I decided to be open to my mother about it, but then she came with "but we live here too...". I understand the response, and made me feel bad. I can't really do anything about it as it's not my house, and even if it was, I would never have the heart to throw them out over my own feelings. they're not doing anything wrong at all. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to resolve this situation. I'm not able to move out as I don't feel fit to work, so no income. I can't exactly make them move out either, that's far from an option and not something I'd really want to consider at all. now my mother will constantly worry about me, my sister is going to play loud music with an insanely unbalanced audio system with way too much bass, my brother is loud in general, then there's my stepdad who is pretty much on the opposite end of the spectrum of personalities compared to me. he's a logical thinker, puts that above emotions, has little to no understanding on mental problems, and is very hard for me to get along with. not that he's a bad person, it's just that I don't feel we're a good match at all when thinking of our personalities. I'm not sure if there are alternatives or solutions to this situation at all. sounds like something I'll just have to live with until I'm healthy enough to get a job and move out. doesn't sound like something I'd want to wait for though. I have no clue when I'll be in a good enough spot to be able to work and make money, so for all I know, I won't be moving out in years, or it could even be in a few months, who knows. [editline]19th July 2014[/editline] I haven't felt as bad as this all week. I notice that I feel a lot worse and have more periods where I just want to curl up and sleep just to never wake up again when they've been around. [editline]19th July 2014[/editline] it makes me question if it's my anxiety talking or not in this situation. would doing what I think is best for me help, or would it only satisfy my anxiety and make things worse? I can't really tell as it was only a week. surely there's some anxiety talking too, but I legitimately feel that it's not only that. I have the need to have rest, no loud noises or anyone worrying about me. it's so tiring to have my mother constantly worrying and it just drains of me of energy.

my brain feels like its melting and nothing is helping also gotta love having unexplainable sudden depression for no goddamn reason and i seem to be getting pissed off at everything lately my mum also married her partner for the past 4 or so years today, but all i can think of is how much of a fucking cunt he was to me and how glad it is i have an entire sea between us and once again im going to bed at 3am to get up at 11am without learning my lesson about how much sleep i need to function day to day god im a fucking walking joke, its hilarious

I've been wondering if I should take a long break from facepunch or leave completely. the more I browse, the more annoyed I get at all the shitty jokes, ironic shitposting, the elitism, how you'll be called out for having different music/movie/game tastes, etc. it's as if people have to make up reasons to hate each other and call each other out. I'm scared of leaving as I'm not sure what I'll do to replace the void it's gonna leave. I can't deny that facepunch has been welded into my life at this point like a tumor. I spend a lot of my time on here. that empty void is already big enough as it is. at the same time, I have a feeling I could benefit from it. been wondering if I should make a ban me to force me off the site. but what if I suddenly figure out that I actually want to come back? at the moment, I'm not enjoying my stay here but I have no clue how my view on facepunch will be in a month or a year. to be honest, I really want to get off the internet in general. facepunch doesn't exactly stand alone in what I described. reddit and 4chan for example are no different. people in games are no different either. I suppose it's what you have to expect when you have so much anonymity. people can pretend to be tougher than they actually are, they can express their opinions more bluntly without any social awkwardness getting in the way. in the end, no matter how much backlash you're going to get, no one truly knows who you are unless you're open about your personal information. not trying to say that people are "internet tough guys", it's to a much lesser extent. there was a period for me too where I'd behave far from how I actually behave in real life. I acted more confident, etc. I still do it to an extent, but not as much as I perhaps did before. I'm sure most people do this too. how I behave on the internet now is like my thoughts are directly translated into words with the layer of emotions and anxiety being a lot more transparent. if I were to get off the computer and away from the internet, what would I need to do? I'd have to ditch twitter and instagram. no more facepunch to waste my time on. anything related to the internet and social interaction over it should be abandoned. yet again, who is talking now? my anxiety, or me? I never really know. feel like I could benefit greatly to get away from all the bullshit I despise reading. all I have to worry and focus on if I cut down such a large portion of my life that I dislike is myself and my health. [editline]20th July 2014[/editline] I sent a PM to Swebonny about it asking if I'm free to return whenever if I decide I want back after being banned. I'm not sure if having the ability to request being unbanned is a good thing in this situation either. solving problems pretty much always requires pushing yourself, and if I have the option to just come back whenever, it kind of defeats the point of trying to force me off. leaving facepunch and attempting to cut out the internet in general is a huge thing for me as my entire life currently revolves around it. what do you guys think of my situation? I'd love some input on this

If the internet is a big part of your life I think cutting it out entirely will just make you miserable. It's better to find new hobbies and introduce them into your life, displacing less "productive" things, than to assume that denying yourself something you currently enjoy will make you feel better. (It likely won't, you'll find yourself bored and your mind will wander into dark places more often) Why not use the internet and computers to teach yourself a new skill and build new hobbies off that? Learn a programming language or 3d modelling software, or use it to learn an in-real-life thing like cooking. Of course, it's not going to hurt to just try stepping away from the internet for a while. I don't think forcing a ban is the best idea though.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;45442839]If the internet is a big part of your life I think cutting it out entirely will just make you miserable. It's better to find new hobbies and introduce them into your life, displacing less "productive" things, than to assume that denying yourself something you currently enjoy will make you feel better. (It likely won't, you'll find yourself bored and your mind will wander into dark places more often) Why not use the internet and computers to teach yourself a new skill and build new hobbies off that? Learn a programming language or 3d modelling software, or use it to learn an in-real-life thing like cooking. Of course, it's not going to hurt to just try stepping away from the internet for a while. I don't think forcing a ban is the best idea though.[/QUOTE] it's a difficult situation. the internet is a very big part of my life, but at the same time I don't enjoy it either, but yeah, it's probably a better idea to instead slowly phase it out with other stuff so I don't end up in a situation where I have literally nothing to do. I've tried picking up programming before. I tried C# first, but I lost interest after a while. I tried again some time later, but with java that time. eventually I figured I'd rather have more direct control to the hardware so I decided to go with C++ instead. I lost interest though. as much as I'd love to learn it, it's very exhausting to learn. there's not a whole lot of excess energy so to say. I've always had a passion for programming. always found it fascinating with how people mod, stuff like injectors, cheats, full blown games, small but helpful programs for some obscure indie and generally helpful programs. threads like What Are You Working on are so enjoyable to look through. very fascinating stuff