Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=Zeke129;45650539]Starting a new life changes everything except yourself, if your problem is clinical depression only directly addressing it with professional help is guaranteed to work. $15k is enough to follow through completely with professional help regardless of what country you live in, fortunately.[/QUOTE] If only professional help did not mean that I would be waiting two months to get any help, and that I have discovered I am allergic to most anti-depressants.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;45651141]If only professional help did not mean that I would be waiting two months to get any help, and that I have discovered I am allergic to most anti-depressants.[/QUOTE] get some therapy

[QUOTE=Zeke129;45650539]Starting a new life changes everything except yourself, if your problem is clinical depression only directly addressing it with professional help is guaranteed to work. $15k is enough to follow through completely with professional help regardless of what country you live in, fortunately.[/QUOTE] That's true, would let you get away from family if they're an issue or move you to a better place if your location is bringing you down.

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;45651141]If only professional help did not mean that I would be waiting two months to get any help, and that I have discovered I am allergic to most anti-depressants.[/QUOTE] Have you looked into atypical antidepressants like Bupropion? It was the only one that did anything at all for me. You've already said that you want to save $15,000 before you do anything. That'll take longer than two months so why not make an appointment now? It's not a final decision by any means, so you have nothing to lose by making one. [editline]10th August 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Roll_Program;45651685]That's true, would let you get away from family if they're an issue or move you to a better place if your location is bringing you down.[/QUOTE] Yeah, if your depression is being promoted by your environment then changing the environment can do wonders. It's something that should be discussed with a therapist first though, drastic changes can make depression worse if they're the wrong changes.

I'm currently broke, my graphics card is still broken, I am insanely depressed, I can't find another job. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I feel so powerless.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;45652072]Have you looked into atypical antidepressants like Bupropion? It was the only one that did anything at all for me. You've already said that you want to save $15,000 before you do anything. That'll take longer than two months so why not make an appointment now? It's not a final decision by any means, so you have nothing to lose by making one.[/QUOTE] Already made the appointment, and requested that if anyone cancels their appointment to immediatly contact me so that I might be able to get an appointment sooner. As for stuff like focus meds and anti-depressants, I have a very fun, long list of things I have taken since the 4th Grade which can be summed up with they have tried everything including stimulants. The few things at the top of my mind: Wellbutrin, Prozak, Zoloft, Oxycarbazepine, Xanax, and a few others which fade my memory at the moment. They literally would switch me out every two weeks because they realized I was either allergic to it, or I would drop weight at scary speeds. IIRC, I went from weighing 130 to 100 in three weeks on Zoloft. Wellbutrin and Prozak make me an emotional mess, and are probably responsible for why I became such a violent mother fucker at the end of the 6th grade, and into the 7th Grade I ended up getting arrested and kicked out of school for two months, and then after my return, all my days were docked in half and I was forced to either walk home or ride of the short bus back home in the middle of the lunch period. I actually started stealing beer and rum from my fathers cabinet during the 7th Grade because I was so fucking upset about everything. I couldn't talk to my friends, I looked like a retard, and when I did ride the bus to school, people would pour water on me because they knew I would be thrown into Juvenile detention for reacting. I never want to relive the 7th Grade. Never again. Come the 8th Grade, they'd find any reason to send me home and even then I barely managed to pass into the 9th grade with mostly Ds and Cs. I only stayed in the 9th grade for one month before being kicked out for "not having a flu shot" and when I got it one day later, I found out that the internet classes I was taking, which I had managed to pass the entire Freshmen year in already, had been taken from out under my feet, and I would have to repeat the 9th Grade next year. I fucking hate the Arizona school system. Hate it. [QUOTE=Roll_Program;45651685]That's true, would let you get away from family if they're an issue or move you to a better place if your location is bringing you down.[/QUOTE] I really do not have many options at the moment. I get paid at best $200 a week for working around the trailer park, live with my parents, and I am usually helping my mom babysit my two nieces and one nephew. All of which take time from my ability to study on my own as I am trying to help them learn how to do things to keep them out of trouble. [editline]11th August 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Weirdness;45655283]I'm currently broke, my graphics card is still broken, I am insanely depressed, I can't find another job. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I feel so powerless.[/QUOTE] If you somehow manage to get a Worker's Visa for the United States, you can attempt to get a trucker job in the North Dakotan Oil fields which pays insanely well. Something in the range of $50 to $60 for every hour on the road or in station. All of this is combined up with amazing benefits, free housing, and sometimes food allowance.

apparently I was accepted to the psychiatric hospital, welp gonna visit tomorrow to form an opinion of it before I actually move in. I'm not sure how to describe it without sounding melodramatic, but it really does feel like everything in my body screams no, but at the same time I'm not sure since it could be beneficial in the end. it's not like my body literally screams no, but I suppose you get what I mean :v: I'm sure this'll be an interesting month to say the least

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;45655832]Already made the appointment, and requested that if anyone cancels their appointment to immediatly contact me so that I might be able to get an appointment sooner. As for stuff like focus meds and anti-depressants, I have a very fun, long list of things I have taken since the 4th Grade which can be summed up with they have tried everything including stimulants. The few things at the top of my mind: Wellbutrin, Prozak, Zoloft, Oxycarbazepine, Xanax, and a few others which fade my memory at the moment. They literally would switch me out every two weeks because they realized I was either allergic to it, or I would drop weight at scary speeds. IIRC, I went from weighing 130 to 100 in three weeks on Zoloft. Wellbutrin and Prozak make me an emotional mess, and are probably responsible for why I became such a violent mother fucker at the end of the 6th grade, and into the 7th Grade I ended up getting arrested and kicked out of school for two months, and then after my return, all my days were docked in half and I was forced to either walk home or ride of the short bus back home in the middle of the lunch period. I actually started stealing beer and rum from my fathers cabinet during the 7th Grade because I was so fucking upset about everything. I couldn't talk to my friends, I looked like a retard, and when I did ride the bus to school, people would pour water on me because they knew I would be thrown into Juvenile detention for reacting. I never want to relive the 7th Grade. Never again. Come the 8th Grade, they'd find any reason to send me home and even then I barely managed to pass into the 9th grade with mostly Ds and Cs. I only stayed in the 9th grade for one month before being kicked out for "not having a flu shot" and when I got it one day later, I found out that the internet classes I was taking, which I had managed to pass the entire Freshmen year in already, had been taken from out under my feet, and I would have to repeat the 9th Grade next year. I fucking hate the Arizona school system. Hate it.[/QUOTE] Sounds like they didn't want to put in any effort to help you, I'm sorry that had to happen. Schools seem woefully unequipped to handle anything even slightly out of the ordinary. That's strange about the drugs too, I've never heard of that happening to anyone like that before. Definitely mention them all to whoever you talk to so they don't end up putting you on a drug that will do the same thing. Best of luck with the appointment, I hope you can find something that works.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;45660404]Sounds like they didn't want to put in any effort to help you, I'm sorry that had to happen. Schools seem woefully unequipped to handle anything even slightly out of the ordinary. That's strange about the drugs too, I've never heard of that happening to anyone like that before. Definitely mention them all to whoever you talk to so they don't end up putting you on a drug that will do the same thing. Best of luck with the appointment, I hope you can find something that works.[/QUOTE] I hope something good comes out of all this, I really would like to be able to start living a somewhat normal life. The schools in Arizona really fucked up my life a bit, but I can fix it hopefully within time. And thank you for the wishes, everyone.

wow these benzo pills actually help really well against anxiety attacks, calmed me down yesterday at work just gotta endure more

I really need to speak with a psycologist regularly again. Thing is that my doctor thinks I'm faking everything and he has to write some application, or whatever you call that in english, for me to get an appointment with one. I used to have regular appointments with one a couple of years ago and felt better for a while but I don't know if that was because of the appointments or if it was because I didn't go to school anymore. After that period I felt good for a good while and kept strong but now I've fallen hard back to where I was because of major recent events and several terrible news. I'm at the point where when I drove from a friend's house and back home today, I had stop myself from deliberately crashing into trucks in oncoming lanes. I'm gonna try getting an appointment at the doctor tomorrow maybe, if my killer headache is gone by then. [editline]11th August 2014[/editline] And of course this just had to be on the top of a new page...

My mum just offered to send me $500 to help. I appreciate the gesture but at the same time it's just a temporary fix to a whole bunch of problems. I don't like asking for money.

in this mindset, I don't think I'll be visiting the hospital today afterall. I feel this massive feeling of denial when it comes to this, even though I know it might be a smart idea. I suppose the idea of being put in a situation where there's no easy escape or being forced to socialize is putting me off. I feel like I should, but I just can't. "you have to force yourself" etc is all I hear now. I don't even really know why I don't want myself, and if I was able to force myself I'd be doing it. has to be the worst thing when it comes to suffering from clinical depression. even though people really just want to help, they never truly understand your feelings in the heat of the moment. it's so hard to tell people around me whats wrong too since I just end up going silent when uncomfortable stuff is brought up since I hate talking about it [editline]12th August 2014[/editline] it'd be super rad to have a copy of myself with the same emotions. would be the best friend, ever

[B]WARNING: SUPER HUGE POST, FEEL FREE TO SKIP, PLEASE DO IN FACT. [/B] I still hate my life. I hate posting here and I'm sorry to do so, because I rpefer to try to help others and I hate when people waste their time reading my stupid shit but I don't know where else to vent. Nothign in my life can ever just be good. I mean I know life is hard and we can't have what we want, but I just don't like how eveyrthing is always negative. I can never just have somethin ggood. If anything good ever happens inmyl ife, it feels like 2 things get worse. Y'know one-step-forward-two-steps-back. I thought my life was turning around, because short-story: I have a car (and will have my license), I have a job, my college situation seems to be somewhat clear and worked-out for now, and I have a relationship (with a partner I'm very serious about). Long-story though: I retook my intro to programming class for college, because the first time the professor (who is hated by the entire Faculty and is just on tenure) failed literally the entire class on the first test and blamed us, saying we flat-out are bad students and do'nt study, so we all dropped the class but because of my college's shitty still-DOS system, it woudln't recognise my withdrawal so it gave me an F instead. I was told after a month and a half of appointments and buck-passing that I could retake it, so I did this semseter. The professor seemed nice, and I talked with him throughout the entirety of the semester, and he said towards the end I had about a B to B+ average, and the work I was submitting late, was still fine. It's ok if it's late, he doesn't mind and just do what I can. So I submitted all my work (albeit a bit more than half of them a day or two late) and only left out half the work for a single chapter. Yet at the end of the semester, he says he didn't receive a chapter, and 3 of them that were late he just wouldn't accept [because they were submitted late] and I have no proof o his word vs mine. so instead of that High B he said I had, I got a C in the class. On top of this, my financial aid status, which I went in over like 5 appointments within 2 weeks to talk to them about and they said everythign was ok, just got an issue yet again, yet the deadline to pay my classes is the 13th, so idfk what I'm going to do, probably going to have to pay out of pocket with money I don't really have. Wonderful. I shoudln't have been taking any classes with my depression and state of mind right now, but i need ot stay on the class schedule to stay in college and be able ot trasnfer to the Uni of my choice. With the car, I had to fly up to NY to get it, which seems ok except I hardly get along with anyone in my family, and if anything we conflict because I'm nothign like them and I don't feel close to, or happy with any of them. It's been nothing but issues and annoyance and depression with them. I have to be stuck with my father drivin gdown in the car with me from NY to south Florida where we reside, and it's going ot be tedious and my relationship with my father is already super strained. Oh also while I can drive on the road up to like 40mph, I still am a hella-nervous driver and will probably be having to drive 60-65mph on the highway for the trip back down. Then again the highway is usually most open than the congested city streets so who knows. Still worrying me. I have a lover now, and we're serious, and I really want thigns to last as long as possible. But they have their issues to (anxieties and worries and whatnot, but I have just as many issues and we try to work on each other's issues and help each othe rout). However, they very recently just discoevered my history of being somewhat flirty with people online, and even though it wasn't alarge amount of people, they freaked out and while they weren't mad at me specifically, they were just upset that these things happened in the first place, even in my past. I talked things through with them, and while they said they [aren't a monster and won't make me leave my friends], I know that it would be better and make them happier if I still cut contact with one of my friends (actually one of my best friends online), because we used to be very flirty. And while I know I might have been able to keep this person as a friend, I instead removed them to make sure my partner wouldn't have another anxiety/panic attack in the future. And I've never done this before—remove someone because my partner doesn't want me to talk to them, and I might have been able to keep his dude as a friend, because he really means a lot to me. BUT instead I just fucked up again and told him about what happen, and now I've lost one of my best friends online and I feel like absolute shit about it. They've been there for me through a lot of my issues and while I thought that since we haven't talked as much recently, that Id be able to cease contact and just be a bit bummed, it actually hurt to lost them quite a lot. But this is my own fault, not my partners. My partner said they didn't mind, they would deal with it, but the way i am and hate taking risks and I freak out about conflict, i tried to take the easy way out and I feel awful about this. So now I'm out probably a couple of hundred bucks for classes, I still have little-to-no relationship with most of my family, and while I have a job finally, I still feel unhappy and I hate my life and I lost one of my best friends online. And I feel even stupider having posted all of this. (and sorry for the abundance of typo's. my hands are still knid of shaking both from the issue with my college grade + financial aid status, and moreso the realisiation I lost one of my closest friends online here of my own accord)

just stop the flirting, its incredibly rude other than that you're golden

Made my first paycheck, and after I figure out a computer part to buy, I am going to start a saving up money in order to goto Arizona and go on a hiking/camping/fishing trip with a very good friend of mine.

How awkward :v: so I posted on a thread talking about my depression, abusive relationships and friendships, and that my life has turned around for the better with my close friends and fiancé, and my ex rated it Funny and his girlfriend just made an account and rated it Dumb. Shows how sad their lives are, still checking on me lol

Remember how sad you were to hear that Robin Williams died? Even more so, when you heard it was he who took his own life? The suffering caused by a loved one committing suicide, it is an unspeakable amount more worse. Don't do it, guys.

-nvm-

Went to my doctor appointment for Spine and Back checkup, and they pretty much have told me that I might have nerve damage in my upper neck from a car accident about three years ago. It is so bad right now, that if I bend my neck in a certain way, my vision go fuzzy and starts to black out. One weird thing is that even though this is terrible news, I feel oddly relieved to know that I am not insane, and haven't been imagining the pain in my back and neck, and that the muscle jolts I have every so often in my shoulder blades have a direct cause and effect. Not to mention that it has also been discovered that my nerves for controlling my arms and such will most likely be permanently damaged, and that it's the reason for why my hands shake so badly.

Thinking of shaving my head bald. I'm balding really bad (at age 18) and it's pissing me off. [editline]12th August 2014[/editline] Idk if I have the balls to do it though. [editline]12th August 2014[/editline] Like I'm pretty fucking unattractive anyways (no this isn't a cue for people to saw "no you're not so please don't give me that shit) and I'm worried it will make me look worse.

I been getting panic attacks for the last days thanks to two repeat exams I have to do, I have eight days to study for them, Maths for computer graphics and programming. But every time I go to study them I feel that I'm wasting my time studying the wrong thing like stuff that wont come up on the exam. If I don't pass them I'm out of college. Any advice?

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45606919]eh I feel really shitty every time I look in a certain thread. I can't ask shit or have a discussion in it.[/QUOTE] I'm the same way, except I have to adblock said threads because they annoy me so goddamn much.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45675558]Thinking of shaving my head bald. I'm balding really bad (at age 18) and it's pissing me off. [editline]12th August 2014[/editline] Idk if I have the balls to do it though. [editline]12th August 2014[/editline] Like I'm pretty fucking unattractive anyways (no this isn't a cue for people to saw "no you're not so please don't give me that shit) and I'm worried it will make me look worse.[/QUOTE] buzz it not shave it. im balding too and thats what i do. i think it looks alright

I can't sleep. I've been up roughly 20 hours. what's up Too nervous to actually stay coherent or calm.

[QUOTE=bigmansham;45676058]I been getting panic attacks for the last days thanks to two repeat exams I have to do, I have eight days to study for them, Maths for computer graphics and programming. But every time I go to study them I feel that I'm wasting my time studying the wrong thing like stuff that wont come up on the exam. If I don't pass them I'm out of college. Any advice?[/QUOTE] Try studying with somebody. Also try getting out of your house or dorm, and study at a coffee shop or library or outside.

[QUOTE=Ownederd;45677405]I can't sleep. I've been up roughly 20 hours. what's up Too nervous to actually stay coherent or calm.[/QUOTE] I have lots of problems with this too, it's such a pain in the ass. my schedule completely turns, then it turns back, all within 2-3 weeks. I can't stop it from spinning like it does due to me not being able to fall asleep

I'm going to shave my head bald #yolo [editline]13th August 2014[/editline] did it, sorta. My Electric Razor died on me when I was doing the back so I asked my mom where my charger while looking like some sort of Skrillex my mom was like "oh my god what did you do" and said "this actually looks good but you fucked up on the back"

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45678614]I'm going to shave my head bald #yolo [editline]13th August 2014[/editline] did it, sorta. My Electric Razor died on me when I was doing the back so I asked my mom where my charger while looking like some sort of Skrillex my mom was like "oh my god what did you do" and said "this actually looks good but you fucked up on the back"[/QUOTE] I shaved my head once, it's such an awesome feeling and I think it looks cool congrats man

I don't know if this is normal, but before I go to bed each night I get super depressed. I am 27, single, with an OK job. I live with my ex girlfriend (she broke up with me the first day she officially moved in) but that hasn't really gotten to me that much. It's more of a feeling of not being "successful" socially for my age, as well as financially. I work extremely hard, harder than a lot of people I know but I don't make that much, even if it is a professional job. I see people who have hurt me and others move on to make lots of money, get families, have huge parties and have fun, and meanwhile I'm alone working my butt off. I guess you can say it's a bit of jealousy. Everyone I go out with thinks I'm one of the funniest people they know, my boss thinks im the smartest person he knows, and my family tries to stay supportive but I don't hear from them much. I just feel sort of empty, like I'm getting older and missing out on things because I work too much, or can't relax.