Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

belted myself again i cant take it anymore

i got a psychologist, a college counselor, and now driving classes as well i feel like im incapable of doing anything without someone to help me out, am i really that bad?

AAaand I'm single again. After two wild weeks, she suddenly gets a visit from a "good friend" and they stay at a hotel together for the whole weekend. She said she'd tell him that we(me and her) were together, but so far she hasn't and said to me that she can't talk until monday because she has school-work(which she could have done, but instead was with the fucking good friend). There's a reason I'm the worlds most paranoid person, and this is one of them. I can't fucking trust people, even if I'm 100% faithful and always speak my mind. All my relationships have been like this, getting stabbed in the back. I don't get it. We've been through the same things, on the same wavelength, she'd even been medicated for anxiety, and we were getting along both sexually and romantically, constantly talking about stuff, and she suddenly ruins it by doing this shit? For what? I don't get women.. On the positive side, I didn't fully open up to her and I held my feelings back, because I sensed that she was "too perfect" and that there had to be something wrong. I was right, but this is the closest thing I've come to really loving somebody.. Gotta go for a run or something, because I'm so angry I could literally kill someone.

I gained 3 pounds. I'm back up to 149 I think I'm going to hang myself if I get any heavier. I can't deal with this weight. I'm going to stop eating from now on, I'm going to starve myself. If I get hospitalized then it means its working. They'll have to force feed me, I can't be fat anymore. If I still gain weight, I'll end it, I swear to god. Nobody likes me because I'm just a fat piece of shit.

Weight varies too much to really care about 3lbs.

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;45897302]I gained 3 pounds. I'm back up to 149 I think I'm going to hang myself if I get any heavier. I can't deal with this weight. I'm going to stop eating from now on, I'm going to starve myself. If I get hospitalized then it means its working. They'll have to force feed me, I can't be fat anymore. If I still gain weight, I'll end it, I swear to god. Nobody likes me because I'm just a fat piece of shit.[/QUOTE] Most of the time working out more frequently relieves that stress and makes you feel better. You gotta try it out instead of making you suffer by starving. At best you could work out a minimum of 30mins to 1 hour every day, like at least 3-4 days a week. You can also walk a lot like for at least 30 mins every day. Also, don't check your weight too often; each day your weight may vary. You need to check your weight at max of once a week.

Monday, I had off. Tuesday, I ran 5 miles. Wednesday, I ran a mile in the morning. Thursday, I ran 5 miles. I ate a bit on the high side. that's my problem, I eat too much. I should cut lunch and dinner all together. I had some toast and that should be enough to keep me awake today. [editline]5th September 2014[/editline] I'll have some honeydew melon for lunch, like 15 cubes. That's enough. That's way too much for me anyways, I'll shut up about this and just go.

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;45897302]I gained 3 pounds. I'm back up to 149 I think I'm going to hang myself if I get any heavier. I can't deal with this weight. I'm going to stop eating from now on, I'm going to starve myself. If I get hospitalized then it means its working. They'll have to force feed me, I can't be fat anymore. If I still gain weight, I'll end it, I swear to god. Nobody likes me because I'm just a fat piece of shit.[/QUOTE] Uh dude, how tall are you, because unless you're incredibly short, 149lbs is not fat or overweight. Also starving yourself will not work, it'll take such a long time for you to start losing weight and by the time you do, you're actually in a critical danger area.

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;45897375]Monday, I had off. Tuesday, I ran 5 miles. Wednesday, I ran a mile in the morning. Thursday, I ran 5 miles. I ate a bit on the high side. that's my problem, I eat too much. I should cut lunch and dinner all together. I had some toast and that should be enough to keep me awake today. [editline]5th September 2014[/editline] I'll have some honeydew melon for lunch, like 15 cubes. That's enough. That's way too much for me anyways, I'll shut up about this and just go.[/QUOTE] like RayvenQ said as well, how tall are you? I was 150lbs in bloody 5th grade, so I have a feeling you aren't that fat. I know my ex was 110 or 120lbs, but she is 4'9 though. not incredibly tall

I'm struggling with this depression for a long time. I'm usually fine about it, but every few weeks, there comes a day when it just feels much worse, like today, so I've decided to post and see what happens. I've had quite a lot of friends up to fifth grade (over here, elementary school has nine grades, high school has four, currently in 3rd grade of high school), but then I've gone to this grammar school I'm currently at, which is located in a city that's 15 kilometres from home. I still get on well with most of my schoolmates, but since there's nobody else from my city in the class, I'm stuck home alone. I used to visit a local martial art club and I really enjoyed it a lot but after two or three years, I got really unhappy about one of the teachers and decided to quit - didn't find a substitute activity. I get to see some of my old schoolmates like once or twice a year but since we don't talk anymore it's hard to come up with a common topic for a talk. I had a strong opinion against drinking and smoking and was very reluctant to meet up with people who did that, which resulted in me losing contact with almost everyone from my old school. And not just that, I'm an overly careful person who can scarcely have fun. Just a few days after my birthday (I'm seventeen), I realized how different I am from most others of my own age. I realized that I was too scared of everything and I like to think I'm getting rid of this habit. I realized I'd love to become more social, to get back in touch with my friends, or at least some of them. I want to meet new people. I want to go on a party. My computer used to sate the huge space that should have rather been taken by social needs but now that I realized the flaw of it, it no longer suffices. I spend a lot of time blindly staring into the screen because I can't get myself to do anything else, trying to figure out when did I take this turn for the wrong. I'm trying to get everything fixed up to my liking but it's a long way to go. I'll get to meet my current schoolmates off-school on some dancing lessons I signed up for (it's kind of a tradition since high school ends with a ball). I got rid of some bad clothing and am trying to be more visible and heard. It seems to be working, at least a little, as I recently started getting some unofficial invitations to various events from my friends on Facebook (like concerts and some parties) but it feels odd to go there alone, and I know for sure that those who sent me the invitations will be there with their own friends and I'm worried about rejections if I ask to come along. I feel like I need to attach to someone, it feels too unsafe to go there alone. Now that it's written down, it really looks like I'm too anxious about everything, right?.. I'll be happy for any feedback.

Hey guys, I'm feeling pretty lost and empty at this point. A few weeks back I moved to Hong Kong for university, but I think I might have made a mistake. Seeing as I only really know English and french, I'm having a ridiculously difficult time entering society here. Hong Kong speaks Cantonese, and so few people speak it worldwide that there are just about no resources to learn it. I didn't realize that there would be such a language barrier here seeing as classes are taught as English. Apart from a small handful of other international students, I haven't found many people willing to speak in English. I've made more friends with professors and research postgraduates in their thirties than with people my age. The whole situation has been draining my soul pretty hard. I can't really talk to anyone about this, seeing as all my old friends from highschool have a 12hr time difference and college courses to put up with. If I told my parents they'd get pretty freaked out, seeing as they're so far away and I don't want to stress them like that. I'm currently medicated for bi-polar disorder, and I'm in the middle of a pretty harsh depression to top this all off. I've got no idea what I'm doing with my life at this point, and due to memory issues I can hardly even remember how I ended up here. I'm thinking about trying to transfer out, it would be to a lower ranked university but at this point I'm not sure if this whole renown education thing is worth the isolation I've got to put up with to get it. Sorry to make my first post a bit of a venting thing, I'll try to stick around and talk things out with you guys and be a better member of this community as time goes on.

Today it's one year after my "friend" told me I was schizofrenic and made a huge mess of me. I've been thinking alot about it, realize how much have changed from the life I had for over a year ago. I have no real life goal anymore, I don't want family and when the chance arises I'm probably running away from my old life. The only thing I cheerish now is music, and here most people don't need a trombone in a band or anything Else I do. Things gotten a little better though, I had the talk with my old crush and sorted things out, but I realize how much of a failure I am sometimes. I didn't really do great at school, I was too rubbish for entering a symphonic band and I've been having a lot of moments where I feel completly lost in abyss. I've kept a note for how many times I've been thinking about commiting suicide and how many times I've been on the verge og trying and it adds up to 36 times, which makes me kind feel good that I was strong enough to don't do it. [sp]or more like a pussy that was too scared to do it...[/sp] I'm going try to stop venting here now...

I keep getting back to this, but I can't get over how toxic a lot of communities on the internet are. I pretty much never walk into a thread in SH with actual constructive discussion, it's always shit flinging between two parties that never agrees, which in turn damages relations between users and pretty much always ends in bans. then you get the people on the sideline attempting to throw in their hilarious zingers or posts with a generally toxic attitude. when it comes to games, you always got power tripping asshole admins who puts their nose into everything, or general idiots not giving a fuck about anyone elses enjoyment and favors their own so much that they're willing to ruin other players time. then when you actually get kind of personal or they talk with mic, etc, people rarely have the balls to do the same stuff they do with a layer of anonymity. being anonymous is both great and terrible, and I must have been exposed to the terrible part the most since I'm pretty annoyed of the internet in general. I know everyone is different, but I remember when I was a kid and played games on the internet. I always found people who ruined other peoples enjoyment to be absolutely hilarious, but even if I tried to do the same with the intent of ruining other peoples time, I could never pull through since I knew they were people too. I didn't want to upset anyone it's as if people actually forget there's another guy behind the screen since I don't think I've ever met someone in real life that actually behaved like what people behave like when behind a computer. I rarely enjoy myself in games anymore since there's always one fucknut who finds it super hilarious to ruin my round, or people who have such a toxic behavior that you want to shoot yourself. this is probably why I enjoy stuff like Titanfall so much. I'm not there for the social interaction, teaming up with others, etc, I'm just there to shoot other people and there's not much to do outside of that. toxic or not, I can just disable chat on my end. too bad I also enjoy games where interacting with other players plays a pretty big part of it, so it's hard to avoid the idiots who are being idiots. ugh, sorry for the vent. I just fail to understand how people can lack basic empathy and be such selfish jerks in other news, I visited the mental home yesterday! I'm going to meet my new, again, psychologist on Tuesday who works at the place. I'm going to move in at either the 22th or the 29th. can't wait so I finally have something to do to replace the internet.

Yeah I know what you mean, it's like half the people on the internet will jump at any opportunity to put you down and talk down to you. Probably something to do with the anonymity and how the internet attracts a bunch of socially incapable people who turn to the net after real life turns them away.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;45908736]Yeah I know what you mean, it's like half the people on the internet will jump at any opportunity to put you down and talk down to you. Probably something to do with the anonymity and how the internet attracts a bunch of socially incapable people who turn to the net after real life turns them away.[/QUOTE] This is irony

Dunno whats happened to me, but after the break-up I've become increasingly aggressive and egging on fights with random dudes in the street. No fights yet though. It feels like I'm going to explode.

applied at a job at Wendy's literally 2 minutes after I submitted it, I got an email that said it was rejected.

Ugh, I should not of read that cracked article about the world ending. Neutron stars and shit. Made me have my first real anxiety attack since months ago.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45912568]applied at a job at Wendy's literally 2 minutes after I submitted it, I got an email that said it was rejected.[/QUOTE] Don't get deterred by rejection. It's just the nature of the beast called life. You get chance at another opportunity..

Broke down in front of my girlfriend because she noticed cuts along my hand since I peeled away the first layer of skin with my nails. Cried my fucking eyes out. She was so scared for me, it kinda shocked me into wanting to look for help. I'm so glad I have her. We spent the day together and I was super happy by the end of it.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45909755]This is irony[/QUOTE] Not the thread for this.

Just like gay chat thread isn't the thread to throw shit at people

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45913719]Just like gay chat thread isn't the thread to throw shit at people[/QUOTE] Refrain from being bitter please, not the place for it, noone needs it here. On my note, i've noticed that whilst quitting my cutting self harm, i've taken to starving myself, really shouldnt be doing this but eh, i dont have eating disorders, i just do other things instead of eating, and realised i havent eaten in three days.

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;45918872]Refrain from being bitter please, not the place for it, noone needs it here.[/QUOTE] idc I'm just really tired of people justifying shit flinging and/or people saying "wowe don't talk it!" when I bring it up. [editline]7th September 2014[/editline] Like idk how this isn't the thread for it. It causes anxiety so...

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45920205]idc I'm just really tired of people justifying shit flinging and/or people saying "wowe don't talk it!" when I bring it up. [editline]7th September 2014[/editline] Like idk how this isn't the thread for it. It causes anxiety so...[/QUOTE] Because this isnt the first time you've started a progression of being a dick, it's why i typcially avoid replying directly to you at anything.

Didn't feel like killing myself today. That's a first. It's nice.

Never thought I'd be posting here... I'm finally gonna be seeing a doctor tomorrow or Tuesday in hopes of getting some anti-depressants for my depression and thoughts of suicide that I've had for years. Catch is though is that my girlfriend who basically got me to do this may have left me already, but I haven't the heart to bug her about it to know for sure if she's given me more time. I even told her before our conversation recently that I was going to a doctor on one of those days. I don't know what I'll do if I recover and find her already with someone else... These thoughts are giving me great physical chest pains and won't let me sleep. What's keeping me awake the most is the frightening temptation of the two belts and horizontal beam in my closet. I don't know why, but I just felt the need to get this out there for whatever reason. I'll stop wasting people's time now with this text.

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;45920921]Because this isnt the first time you've started a progression of being a dick, it's why i typcially avoid replying directly to you at anything.[/QUOTE] How am I being a dick

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;45921665]How am I being a dick[/QUOTE] I'm sorry but this isn't the place for this please take it to pm's.

okay so i've been anxious because of my painfully pressuring teachers, then i realized that i was in the classes for students that weren't that bright, and in that singular moment infelt half of the anxiety transform in to depression and the other half sore and become the worst it's ever been oh and, my dad died, which could've provided me an out from all of this shit plus i could've been truly happy again, we were going to move to live with him as a full family again (like, he was looking at houses for us) so there's that on top of the already furthered depression and anxiety from my fucking dad dying i just want to get up and leave. i don't see the point anymore. medication isn't an option because my mom's therapist is booked for a few months solid, it's really fucking expensive, and she's kind of uneasy about having me put on stuff since people have killed themselves on it. but honestly i feel like i've run out of options. the only reason i haven't killed myself is because i'm afraid of the pain and experiencing those last few seconds of life. what do i do