Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I think I'm in one of those stages where I randomly feel good about everything. It never lasts, I always crash and end up feeling worse than ever after a day or so.

[QUOTE=Maladroit;45922097]okay so i've been anxious because of my painfully pressuring teachers, then i realized that i was in the classes for students that weren't that bright, and in that singular moment infelt half of the anxiety transform in to depression and the other half sore and become the worst it's ever been oh and, my dad died, which could've provided me an out from all of this shit plus i could've been truly happy again, we were going to move to live with him as a full family again (like, he was looking at houses for us) so there's that on top of the already furthered depression and anxiety from my fucking dad dying i just want to get up and leave. i don't see the point anymore. medication isn't an option because my mom's therapist is booked for a few months solid, it's really fucking expensive, and she's kind of uneasy about having me put on stuff since people have killed themselves on it. but honestly i feel like i've run out of options. the only reason i haven't killed myself is because i'm afraid of the pain and experiencing those last few seconds of life. what do i do[/QUOTE] I would say to get in therapy. You don't have to be on medication. If you can't afford a therapist and you don't have health insurance, visit your school's counseling center and they will help get you set up with something.

Tried taurine. Felt like I did on Ritalin except I got extremely depressed and agitated after an hour. Fun fun.

Trying to fall asleep for over 4 hours now, but I can't get the though out. The thought that I'm useless, that I've done nothing that people will remember me for. I'm looking at the moon, reminding me of bad memories that are still true. I'm a failure, everything I do or did has no effect on anything other then people feeling bad for me. I can't even take myself seriously at this point, I wanted to be a musician but I get no recognition from anyone. I fucking hate myself, where did I fail so bad? Edit - Shit, I need to stop posting when I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep...

[QUOTE=st_nick5;45922807]I think I'm in one of those stages where I randomly feel good about everything. It never lasts, I always crash and end up feeling worse than ever after a day or so.[/QUOTE] Well that didn't take long.

[QUOTE=GeneralSpecific;45922877]I would say to get in therapy. You don't have to be on medication. If you can't afford a therapist and you don't have health insurance, visit your school's counseling center and they will help get you set up with something.[/QUOTE] it's still not really an option

Sup. I guess nothing much changed since i last wrote here, I don't know myself. Right now i am to face some exams, most of which i know i will fail (because i did fuck all this summer). I don't even know how i failed it in the first place. I just, stopped attending almost everything, i didn't think i could learn it at all, i just stayed in my room most of the time and occupied myself with games, music, anything. Fuck me for that. And if it weren't bad already, my parents dont take my 'subtle' hint i need to repeat 2nd semester becaues there's no chance i'll pass, none at all. Instead they yell at me, say they will not give me a penny if i won't go to 3rd semester because of failed exams. And you know what's the worst thing? I never found support in them, not when i was suicidal as a teenager, not when i just wanted to throw everything away and just fucking rot in my room, when my troubles with social anxiety started, fuck, i bet if i ever would tell them about my problems they would tell me to get to work and belt me a few times for reminder how they "love and care" about me. I actually had a bigger argument few days back, i fucking burst into tears, told them to get the fuck out, it was after they yelled at me for the possibility of failure in case you think i attacked them. It's a wonder my fear of death is bigger than me wanting to end everything for now. Sorry, i just had to vent somewhere. Peace

I've had a horrid past month, I need to do some major venting, sorry for this in advance. Not a day goes by where I don't think about just ending my life. The shit I have put up with and been through emotionally in my life would knock anyone flat onto the tar ten fold. I've lived under state custody for 6 years of my life and suffered through flat out fucking uncertainty in every aspect of my life. I fucking lived with two other foster families before finding the one right for me, foster families that were clearly just keeping kids around to grub money for themselves. I have been belittled by fucking pieces of shit who think all foster care kids are retards, I've been called a fucking retard all throughout the school years for just living under state custody! I've sat back and been forced to watch my mother deteriorate into sickness, I haven't been there to help or take care of her at all, she probably will be dead within the next one or two years. I dealt with an abusive father who when I was way younger would burn me with cigarettes on my legs and arms and also hit me very hard for just not being his perfect poster child son. I was told every fucking day by this piece of shit monster that I was a nothing, I was told that I would go nowhere in life as he hit me upside the head. I've dealt with trying to find a place in my heart for him, even though he fucking hurt me so horribly I can't say I dislike the man, he is a poor and pathetic piece of fucking shit but I have learned many lessons from him. I have no other family aside from now absent dad and my sick mother, all of my other family is really unknown to me. The one person I had made really any personal connections with over the past 6 years was my girlfriend. In the end I suppose she thought it was worthless to stick around and keep our relationship going, she decided to move out to California out of the blue. I hear my father all of the time in the back of my head whenever I mess up anything "You are a nothing, you are a fucking worthless kid." I currently deal with "friends" who shit all over my behind my back just for being me, who knows why they do it. Somehow I still fucking manage to put myself to sleep every night and wake up with some form of fake smile on my face. I still manage to put care into friendships and watch out for people I truly care about possibly more then I do myself. I have been practically raised to not care for myself at all in some ways, I have like no aspiration for anything. I want to watch out for the real friends who are there for me and my mom. There is so much more shit I wish to share with you all when I someday maybe get stronger. Sometimes I just feel like its not worth it though. I'm an "annoying, ugly, idiotic, worthless shit bag" and if I was gone I feel like it would be easier. The last real tie I have to all of this world is are my few true friends and you strangers online, I consider ya'll practically some form of family. Without my friends and folks online, I wouldn't be able to keep going. I have risen to take on the challenges of college simply due to the fact that I want to be there for friends and maybe, just maybe, make something of myself.

That's pretty admirable dude. Respect. I'm feeling a bit better myself, and I've found out the importance of good friends. I'm now working hard on my studies to become what I want. I see people that are like what I used to be. Without any will or drive to make themselves better. Skipping school(this is university btw) and not doing anything in group assignments. Kinda shit

Still struggling to get down to 130. Just noticed that one of my biceps is slightly larger than the other (only if you focus on them). So I'll never wear a small t-shirt or take my shirt off in front of others. But I still need to make sure that I can cut my weight down. I've felt like I need to just stop eating entirely, but I had a small breakfast. I'm going to run until I feel like collapsing tonight, if I can.

Losing weight is a very slow process. Also how tall are you? 130 sounds pretty low for someone who also works out. [editline]9th September 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Zillamaster55;45931443] I've felt like I need to just stop eating entirely, but I had a small breakfast. I'm going to run until I feel like collapsing tonight, if I can.[/QUOTE] Why do you think this is a good idea? Starving yourself and forcing yourself to exercise past the point of exhaustion is just going to damage your body. There's no quick fix for weight loss.

I'm sorry. I'm just having a rough time adjusting to the school year and my internal stuff (such as gender identity issues, self image issues, self hatred issues) isn't helping. I'm just gonna have a lot of fruit for lunch, and I had a PB+J Toast sandwich this morning. I'll try to just stick next to my girlfriend today, she tends to make me happy. Also she said she bought me a kazoo. [editline]9th September 2014[/editline] And I'm 5'9"

[QUOTE=ColdWave;45929634]I've had a horrid past month, I need to do some major venting, sorry for this in advance. Not a day goes by where I don't think about just ending my life. The shit I have put up with and been through emotionally in my life would knock anyone flat onto the tar ten fold. I've lived under state custody for 6 years of my life and suffered through flat out fucking uncertainty in every aspect of my life. I fucking lived with two other foster families before finding the one right for me, foster families that were clearly just keeping kids around to grub money for themselves. I have been belittled by fucking pieces of shit who think all foster care kids are retards, I've been called a fucking retard all throughout the school years for just living under state custody! I've sat back and been forced to watch my mother deteriorate into sickness, I haven't been there to help or take care of her at all, she probably will be dead within the next one or two years. I dealt with an abusive father who when I was way younger would burn me with cigarettes on my legs and arms and also hit me very hard for just not being his perfect poster child son. I was told every fucking day by this piece of shit monster that I was a nothing, I was told that I would go nowhere in life as he hit me upside the head. I've dealt with trying to find a place in my heart for him, even though he fucking hurt me so horribly I can't say I dislike the man, he is a poor and pathetic piece of fucking shit but I have learned many lessons from him. I have no other family aside from now absent dad and my sick mother, all of my other family is really unknown to me. The one person I had made really any personal connections with over the past 6 years was my girlfriend. In the end I suppose she thought it was worthless to stick around and keep our relationship going, she decided to move out to California out of the blue. I hear my father all of the time in the back of my head whenever I mess up anything "You are a nothing, you are a fucking worthless kid." I currently deal with "friends" who shit all over my behind my back just for being me, who knows why they do it. Somehow I still fucking manage to put myself to sleep every night and wake up with some form of fake smile on my face. I still manage to put care into friendships and watch out for people I truly care about possibly more then I do myself. I have been practically raised to not care for myself at all in some ways, I have like no aspiration for anything. I want to watch out for the real friends who are there for me and my mom. There is so much more shit I wish to share with you all when I someday maybe get stronger. Sometimes I just feel like its not worth it though. I'm an "annoying, ugly, idiotic, worthless shit bag" and if I was gone I feel like it would be easier. The last real tie I have to all of this world is are my few true friends and you strangers online, I consider ya'll practically some form of family. Without my friends and folks online, I wouldn't be able to keep going. I have risen to take on the challenges of college simply due to the fact that I want to be there for friends and maybe, just maybe, make something of myself.[/QUOTE] Sorry for my uneducatedness, but i dont know much in this field. if you are adopted, and you dont like the family you live with, do you go to the police/foster home and say that you dont enjoy living here, you dont get along/they are abusing you etc and get to go back? or do you get stuck with people.

my friend has reopened an old minecraft server of his which I figured I'd pay a visit today. I thought it was going to be okay, but it hurt pretty badly when I heard the teamspeak was active. I was offered to join, but it just isn't feasible for me. I feel way too uneasy with the idea of talking. ended up feeling excluded and on the sideline, even though it was none of their fault. I haven't felt this sad in ages, it hurts so much not being able to do what you want to do. I just don't understand what values I have when there are other friends of my friend who are able to do everything we used to be able to do. I wish I wasn't so jealous

[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;45932027]Sorry for my uneducatedness, but i dont know much in this field. if you are adopted, and you dont like the family you live with, do you go to the police/foster home and say that you dont enjoy living here, you dont get along/they are abusing you etc and get to go back? or do you get stuck with people.[/QUOTE] Adoption and being in state custody are very different things. If I was adopted then I would be legally under the guardianship of the person adopting me (essentially I would be REALLY STUCK). Because I'm under state custody I have access to a lot of help from case workers and state funds. I have gotten major funding from the state, something I would not get if any family had decided to adopt me. Essentially the state is putting me through college. I still live with a foster family as of right now (not a full time student YET) but my guardian is still the state. I had to suffer for my first two years in state care with those other two families before I had finally gotten myself placed with a good family. I'm quite happy with this family compared to the first two nightmares as I feel supported, I feel like I've gained a lot of ground. Overall being in state custody has helped me a whole shitload. I honestly probably would have been exactly what my father told me I was if I hadn't been placed into state care. The system is totally flawed in a lot of ways though (I don't want to get into it here, I could write an 80 page paper on the subject) and the current governor of my state has been all for shutting down foster care agencies and stopping support/funding for kids like me.

Best thing to do is never listen to your parents, i have a bitter relationship with mine. I say bitter, i mean if he got stabbed in the neck in front of me id thank the person who did it, the man ruined me.

Just talked to my (hopefully still) girlfriend earlier this night. She seemed so apathetic and just not herself... Short, few word replies, wanting me to basically leave her alone. I don't know if college-level classes are really that rough on her or if there's something else going on, but I've never heard of someone just flat-out abandoning a really strong relationship within a week without warning that wasn't in middle school. I left an offline message that vented basically all my feelings towards her regarding everything in hopes she'll understand or have some type of a response. This could either go really well or blow up in my face. On the bright side I guess, I got some Bupropion and it seems to be helping okay with my general depression. The only thing that is really tugging it now is this whole relationship wreck. I just can't bear to lose her... Thanks for reading to whomever does. See y'all Friday

I feel like an old hermit. I'm stuck at home with no job and no motivation to do anything at all and absolutely no one to talk to. All my close friends have moved away and all the people left are people that don't really seem interested in talking with me. My roommate is at work all day and when we meet we mostly just bicker with each other or stay in our separate rooms. I don't have anyone to go to, I don't have anyone to go anywhere with, and don't have anyone to talk to. I spend most of the day watching series, FP and 4chan, looking at porn, and being bored out of my fucking mind.

3 days not wanting to kill myself I can't believe I've done it

I guess I've sorta fixed my mood and concentration. 2 NAC a day, one when I wake up and one at bed-time. Been much happier and had some extra energy, and can relax in bed without staring at the ceiling and can finally think about little stories to get me off to sleep again. So I know the problem is with dopamine and glutamate modulation. I don't know if one is more crucial than the other to my current problems, but killing two birds with one stone isn't too bad, especially considering glutamate excitotoxicity can kill dopamine receptors (apparently). Still, this is a much better situation than I was at the start of the year. Dealing with chronic fatigue, muscle pains, migraines, nerve damage and rapidly switching moods. I hope all of that stays behind me. I don't think I could deal with that mess again. Hope everyone else starts feeling better soon. Seems half-hearted but I mean it, this thread has helped me out a lot.

[QUOTE=Zillamaster55;45940573]3 days not wanting to kill myself I can't believe I've done it[/QUOTE] Good job. Now make that not three days, but forever.

My campus is doing a thing [img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BxL4upBCMAA3b_A.jpg:large[/img] [img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BxLbFQSIgAA4VkG.jpg:large[/img] [img]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BxLiL35IMAACzrr.jpg:large[/img] I love seeing this so much.

My social anxiety and depression is ruining me. First it made me cut elementary school and quit education all together, hence my awful English grammar. A few years ago it started to make it impossible for me to even go outside by myself without having panic attacks and to sweat like a pig. Now it makes it impossible for me to even start conversations with my friends on the Internet through text.

I feel like asking this because something feels.. weird? I have been taking Prozac at 80mg for about two weeks now, and I have started noticing things more? Like I'm aware, able to focus to a greater amount, and tend to communicate to others a little easier. Is that normal?

Nope, looks like I'm gonna be posting today. Nearly hanged myself after talking to a good friend of mine who's in a circle of friends that my girlfriend's in after finding out she blocked one of my accounts and after I learned some other information. Thankfully my Mom was able to stop me and talk to me. It didn't help much, but she did give a girl's perspective a bit. I'm becoming so obsessed with knowing how my girl's doing that I'm basically e-stalking her... I'm going to space myself away from her for a while, months maybe... She wants her space, so I'll give it to her. I just hope she'll come back on Steam once again, since I can't bear to remove her there... If she removes me, I just won't know how to react, since she didn't even treat her boyfriend who cheated multiple times and didn't even love her anymore this badly. Love is the worst thing when you're rejected by who you love. Especially when you're absolutely head-over-heels

Hey guys, I'm just wondering if anyone has any good suggestions for motivation. I've had depression for quite a long time, and nowadays I can't seem to find motivation to get out of bed, go to my college classes, and pretty much anything anymore (granted I still do all those things, I'm just so unmotivated to do any of them). The only time I feel really happy/excited is when I'm drinking with friends (don't worry, I drink at most once a month and I'm of legal drinking age). I'm not really keen on medication for depression, so is there anything non-medicinal that definitely works in getting motivation?

[QUOTE=huntingrifle;45947162]Hey guys, I'm just wondering if anyone has any good suggestions for motivation. I've had depression for quite a long time, and nowadays I can't seem to find motivation to get out of bed, go to my college classes, and pretty much anything anymore (granted I still do all those things, I'm just so unmotivated to do any of them). The only time I feel really happy/excited is when I'm drinking with friends (don't worry, I drink at most once a month and I'm of legal drinking age). I'm not really keen on medication for depression, so is there anything non-medicinal that definitely works in getting motivation?[/QUOTE] Feeling of love can be extremely motivating. Otherwise try some social hobbies. Get good at it. Enjoy the time.

Exerxising and having a hobby. Something you like doing. Really helps. I feel a little shitty now, and don't really know why. I just feel empty. I suspect it's the reason two of my close friends got together and I'll probably gain distance with her. She was the person I hugged and always helped me even though she doesn't know anything about everything that has happened. Might be the change I don't really like. It might be even I have a period where I don't like myself that well...

been speaking to my friend on steam this night (5:36 am now). I'm usually awake at these times depending on where in the day my sleep cycle lies, but I found myself very surprised to see my friend was on too. he was on his phone, but ended up going on his PC to chat with me around 3am. he went on a little rant about his day, we had some casual talk, and after a few hours (up until now) I sent him a gif where he suddenly went all weird. he posted some gibberish which I thought was a reaction to the gif but it seemed so out of place. I had to go get some painkillers as I had a pretty bad headache, but when I got back he wrote this [t]http://i.cubeupload.com/IcilYz.png[/t] there was a long delay until he wrote kkkkkkkkk so I'm assuming he ended up knocked out it went a lot like this onwards. he does drugs, but he seems very responsible about them but I have this feeling he wasn't very responsible when it came to those now. so much gibberish, been awake for so long, etc. made lots of incoherent jokes about the situation. I feel really helpless about it. I don't want to bring up the topic of quitting drugs since I'm not sure if he'd be offended or not. I helped him quit completely at one point, but well, we ended up drifting slightly (not being able to use mic etc) so he ended up beginning again. I don't know if there's anything I can do about this, but I'm really worried he may end up spiraling further down. what if he ends up OD'ing on something? I don't want that to happen, he's really the only person I have left

I'm open to any advice anyone can offer. It's really been nothing but shit lately. I was engaged, but then my ex-fiancee says; "I don't think it's going to work out" and it's over. Been unemployed for over a year now, I tried enlisting in the United States Army and they wouldn't take me because I've been on anti-depressants within a year. I feel like everyone I know is just patronizing me at this point, when they aren't too busy to do that at least.