Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. It hurts to see myself in the mirror every day and see the person that I don’t want to be. All I see is masculinity and fat. I hate how I act, and I can’t stand the way that I am. But that’s the surface. My appearances are bad. I’m ugly, and there’s no denying that. My face is masculine, my hair is way too curly, I hate the way my torso is so barrel shaped, and my thighs/ass are still huge regardless of me losing 100 pounds. I look like a slob even when well dressed, but if I cut my hair sort I look like a goddamn freak. My skin is pock-marked and scarred from my acne, and my face is just deplorable to look at. I act like I own the place. I always put myself above other people, and I treat everyone else like shit. I prioritize my needs of my family or my girlfriend, and my selfish acts get in the way of me possibly helping anyone. I take too much, I eat too much, I spend too much and I care too little. People hate me for it and I can see that in the way they act when I arrive or want to hang out with them. My friends hang on to what little emotional good there is left in me, while the rest have left since I’m just a waste of their time. I hate that I’m trans. I hate that I wasn’t born in the right body. I hate that nobody can see what the problem is because, I know this too well, if I tell them they’ll just want to push me away. This is something that nobody can change, and nobody can fucking fix. I just want to fucking end it. I just want it all to stop and instead of bothering everyone I just want it all to go away and I just want to die.

I really regret investing time in the girl I slept with last week. we spoke earlier and both of us agreed to not wanting a relationship, and that both still wanted to keep going with just sex etc. glad we got that sorted out, but it still feels awkward to be around her. everything screams that I should stop going back to her, but it's so hard. I can already feel that unless something weird happens, this relation is going to break me down. if only we didn't live under the same roof. to be honest, all I really want out of this ordeal is the sex. I don't want a relationship,I don't need a strong friendship, just sex. it gets hard when the friendship that is there is awkward though, maybe it's not worth the emotional pain I have to go through. in more positive news, meeting another old friend of mine tomorrow so that's fun. he struggles with social anxiety too and last I spent time with him, he despised the situation we both were in which was playing games all day with friends. he wanted to get more social but we both had our problems so it wasn't easy. maybe that can change? I've always had a strong feeling we were in similar situations. he didn't like being stuck only playing games, wanted to get more social but found it difficult, etc. [editline]14th October 2014[/editline] like shit, this girl ain't leaving any time soon so I'll have to find a way to make this shit work out. any ideas?

Even with all the friends in the world, I still feel lonely.. Most of my evenings just slowly end in me laying in bed. I sometimes do all the homework I have and more just to have something to do, hang out with friends, practice musical instruments. But at the end of the day, I still end up in the same way.

hopefully I'm not cluttering up this thread too much, but maaaan, life is amazing being hospitalized is the best thing that has happened to me in ages. I'm so happy things are finally starting to look more right. I've spoke with my old frirnds, I've been occupied with social stuff twice already this week, I was invited to a movie night on friday, and someone has seen me as sex material! confidence and my image of me is so much better, everything is amazing. going from being suicidal, giving up on life and thinking there was no way to get better, it's definitely a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge improvement! after all this, the advice I'd tell someone in a similar situation: don't make a big deal of rejections, stop blaming yourself, act confident and most importanyly, take the initative!

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My depression medication isn't working and I am always overreacting and getting upset easily at school, home and online and I don't think my psychiatrist can help me.

abilify makes me very happy and melts my worries away i love you abilify, i just hope you dont make me fat as fuck

[QUOTE=elevate;46251077]abilify makes me very happy and melts my worries away i love you abilify, i just hope you dont make me fat as fuck[/QUOTE] I take abilify along with 5 other meds and I just got them increased

The antifungals seem to still be working, but I'm still having bouts of depression which are always coupled with neck/shoulder pains and eye pressure. I know for a fact it's inflammation causing it. It's possible that with the antifungals killing off the yeast, all that payload stored up in them is hitting my body harder than usual and working my immune system up. Once again though after taking 2 ibuprofen my muscle pains and eye pressure went away, as well as my brain fog, though it was too late to get back to sleep before work. I just need to find myself a long-term anti-inflammatory now; grapeseed doesn't solve the problem entirely and I can't keep taking NSAID's every day unless I want my colitis to keep flaring, which probably wont help with my neuroinflammation either once it gets my immune response going. Plus I'm wary of taking them constantly since that's what my father did and he's had 2 heart attacks and went septic with his colitis. It's not fun burning through all this money just to find something that works. And I don't enjoy suppressing my inflammatory response because that opens me up to getting sick from other things. But I don't have a choice. It's either that or wanting myself dead every waking hour of every day.

I don't think I'm even specifically depressed anymore at this point, I'm just so... tired of everything. I've moved on from feeling shitty to just not feeling anything. I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself, but I'm just so drained.. all the time. Emotionally & mentally (and physically too but that's normal after running around all the time, heh) I just feel so drained and I just cannot care about anything beyond getting to & from work and my classes. It's affected numerous social relationships I have now and I see what's happening to me but I just can't change anything about myself and on top of that, my life situation prevents me from doing much at all. I've known for years it'll be like this and I'm used to this already but it's still going to be another year at least, probably 2 or a little more years before my life really takes off and I can do things but right now I'm just so... tired of everything. And drained and all I do is worry about things and bluh. Welp, off to work for 10-hr shift! I actually enjoy work, though—it lets me get away from everything else in my life and Io get to make money. Whee :p

First time I post here actually, been posting about my life in Super Friendly thread but I feel that my problem has more to do with this thread, so here I am sharing it with you. From the beginning. 5 years ago I started a degree in Electrical Engineering at the university I currently study in. I was accustomed to the environment of high school and I adapted miserably to the ambient at university. Basically my first year there was terrible, my mind was some place else, I felt unsupervised, therefore I felt I could do whatever I wanted so started going out, playing videogames like crazy, dating weird girls and whatnot, I was so happy to be in university that I kinda lost track of reality. I was basically so high on myself that my parents were basically the enemy that was keeping me, a 18 year old teenager from having fun. Therefore I hid every aspect of my academic performance from them and everyone only disclosing that everything was going alright. A dirty lie obviously. Not surprisingly only did 1 subject per semester that year: Computer Assisted Drawing and Calculus I. The rest went down the drain. Since my parents were the ones paying my tuition you can imagine how they reacted. The thing is, I didn't stop there. I was always looking from something else. Getting away from my responsibilities because I felt I could just post pone everything, that I would catch up in the end. Always getting away from successful colleagues, burying my head in the sand every time we needed to do an assignment. My mind was in a place of my own to the point that I would just forgot to subscribe to tests or to go assignment presentations and discussions because... I don't know... I was either sleeping in my bed or my head was on the clouds for some reason and I would simply not go. And the scariest part was, I was totally ok with this. I started living in my own illusion to the point that I would find every excuse to get away from responsibility. Started hypocritically blaming university, professors, my parents, the fact that the degree was too scientific and I wanted something more industrial, etc... So, my second year was another mess, first semester did 1 subject and blamed it on the fact that my girlfriend at the time had left me, second semester I did nothing... Invented an excuse that I wanted to take some industry course instead but didn't actually started it. So I got used to failing all the time, and I felt allright because everytime someone would ask me about university I'd tell them "It's all ok" or that I was on the 3rd or 4th year when in fact I was still doing the first year after 2 years there. And thus started to live and believe in a lie of my own. And here started the beginning of my downfall as a student, and the downfall of my life these 5 years. Started breaking all my hobbies, isolating myself from everyone, because as time went by I avoided people asking about my life, specially my degree. I would tell them "well, I had some issues at the beginning because I was thinking about changing..." The thing is, living inside a lie of our own takes a huge toll in our self esteem, because deep inside there's a voice remembering us of how wrong we are, and that voice pounded my heart every night. So I would either feel miserable, angry or just stupidly happy when I'd find some friend at uni. People usually ask me why didn't I seek help sooner. Well, I was unhappy, I just didn't know it yet. Sometimes I'd be angry, sometimes sad, but other times my lie would take over and everything was alright again. I'd tell myself "I can do it" and all the problems seemed to go away. However, getting used to evade responsibility leads to procrastination. And every time I needed some serious studying I'd just hide from it and started playing videogames. Videogames started being my escape plan for everything, to the point that compulsory gaming and internet browsing became my safe place for isolation. And this is where things started getting pretty lonely for me. At this point I've been 4/5 years in uni. Still in between first and second year. Feelings of loneliness, the fact that nobody understood me, complete helplessness... Started not being able to wake up in the morning because I didn't want to face the day. Getting up became a battle I could not win anymore. Hobbies because dull and lame tasks. Never finished what I started. And even things like personal hygiene seemed so pointless and so time consuming. Things like taking a bath, shaving, brushing my teeth became so painfully boring. Needless to say maintaining a romantic relationship was just hopeless. I'd set up a time to go to bed, didn't study till then but kept browsing my PC, jumping from game to game before the time ran out. To the point I would go to bed frustrated at how unfair it was that another day passed and I didn't do shit. Studying seemed too boringly painful to do too. I would start attending to classes at the beginning of the semester, for instance, there was this programming class I would attend where there were weekly evaluations. And as soon as something went wrong with my programming or as soon as I would fall behind I'd just stop going out of panic. I remember waking up on a Wednesday to go on one of these evaluations, I arrived at the class's door and turned back and left. Catching the train back home and remembered that I was feeling so numb that I wasn't one bit worried that skipping that class would cost me failing the class for the rest of the semester. Then I got used to failing all the time and running away from life. It became normal for me. Until I would notice that I would go out with my friends from my city or I would browse facebook and there were my colleagues that entered the same year I did getting graduated. I would go out with friends from my city my age. People I did high school with and they are all finishing, doing their thesis, doing internships and whatnot. All talking about it, all extremely confident and within their areas of expertise and I would find myself without nothing to say about myself. Empty. Isolated. And when I realized this, the illusion bubble popped and suddenly I'm 23 years old and I'm still in the second year of university with still 2 first year subjects to do. And I have no credibility before my colleagues and my parents. Hell, I even got used to people making fun of me because of my poor performance. I reached a point where now I'm just devastated. So I started depressing and crying out for help with the strengths I still had left. I was tired of suffering, of being alone and of living in a lie. And this is where these summer vacations were decisive because my friends became aware of what was going on with me and I took upon me the responsibility of making a decision. I would either shape up and finish what I've started or I would just change my degree or institution. Now that uni started in September I'm doing 4 subjects. Already opened up with my parents and friends to a full extent. But letting out 5 years of repressed emotions takes a toll. Spent September and early October crying over what I did to myself for 5 years. The feeling of wasting 5 years of my life doing nothing, feeling useless is overwhelming and difficult to live with. Specially when you take a decisive decision to STAY at uni, do the 4 subjects I have to do this semester, all of them and stick with the plan. There's always the temptation to go back to old habits, but I'm not more conscious and more willing to be honest about myself. I started doing therapy with the uni's psychologist and she's been very helpful. I think this semester is definitely being my turning point into success. Already did 1 subject due to an extraordinary exam. And it was tough and I passed. So 3 more to go. My second test did go terrible but I'm surprised that I'm fully aware of what I need to do to surpass the bad grade I'm about to get. I'm more conscious in class and I haven't skipped a single class so far. I think there is hope for me now and I feel extremely relieved. I took a huge 5 year weight off my shoulders and now there's space to live a normal life. I'm learning to live again, despite the time wasted and it's good. Getting up is still a battle and sometimes I feel I'm not gonna make it. But I feel the support of everyone and I feel that I can make it. now. However, I still get assaulted by the emptyness of 5 years wasted, I still cry and it's still painful.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;46261818][/QUOTE] Shift your situation back a little to between a levels and university, and that is me to a tee. Still, I haven't fully opened up and got myself on the right track yet but I'm working at it. Good luck with your degree!

[QUOTE=RobbL;46263450]Shift your situation back a little to between a levels and university, and that is me to a tee. Still, I haven't fully opened up and got myself on the right track yet but I'm working at it. Good luck with your degree![/QUOTE] Now that I took a huge load off my shoulders I think I'm in a position to give some advice in how to get out of a situation like this. I think honesty and re-evaluation of what we want is really decisive. Specially honesty. If your parents ask you about your grades, don't lie, just tell it as it is. Sure they may be angry but they'll help you if you open up. That's what happened with me. The thing that makes me go now, is the fact that I made an objective for my "quest". And that is, passing all the 3 subjects that are left this semester. After that I think I'll be able to have an educated opinion about what I really want and the confidence to make a decision about my life. Weather I'm changing degree, institution or if I'm staying. I know I'm still not studying like I should and would like and I still procrastinate a lot (like right now) but I'm feeling that more and more I'm making an effort to squeeze in an extra hour every time I study. Thanks for the support. Means a lot to know there are people out there that understand my situation.

I don't mean to shit up the thread with my own concerns, but what exactly defines an anxiety/panic attack? How do you know if you're having one?

man, I feel so lonely, I feel like I having nothing left to fight for. like, what's the fucking point. I know it'll probably get better with time, but right now I feel like I might aswell just go. Like, what's the point in fighting when there's nothing to fight for?

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;46261818]Story about university[/QUOTE] Holy shit. This is so similar to my life at this point, it's not even funny. However, I started off college fairly well. Passed all my classes and felt good about myself. Second semester was a downfall for me. I started skipping classes all the time. I started isolating myself from friends and everything. I stayed in my room and played games all day and night. I had been going to counseling, but it wasn't working very well because I wasn't doing anything for myself. I knew I had a problem, but I would always make an excuse for it. I ended up failing all my classes because one of the doctors at the counseling center sent me to the hospital near the end of the semester for suicidal ideations. Now, I'm in my second year retaking all the same classes. However, I've been skipping a lot of classes because I really can't be bothered to learn the shit again. I have been going for exams, quizzes, and projects, and some of the classes require attendance. I've been doing the bare minimum in all the classes, and getting away with it for the most part. But, in one class, English, I haven't done a single damn paper or assignment. I make up excuses for myself for why I don't do it... I hate English, I hate papers, I don't want to do the class again... but the real reason is because I'm fucking lazy as hell, and I just can't accept it. I know I'm a lazy fuck, but I do nothing to change it. It's fucking ruining my life. Like you, though, I've been completely numb about it. Skipping classes actually felt good at times. Staying in my room and not dealing with other shit felt so good. I didn't like the burden and responsibility of everything, so I masked it with games and sleep. I'm basically doing the exact same thing now. I've actually not felt the depression hit a lot this semester, but now it's really started to hit me. Last night was the first time I've ever thought about killing myself this semester. But, this is partly due to me trying to be in a romantic relationship. I've been having really shitty luck finding someone to be with, much less finding someone that wants to talk to me at all. And, it's been getting right fucking down. I feel hopeless and pathetic. I'm getting so fucking desperate to find someone that I can't even look at a female without crying inside for the fact that it will never happen. Honestly, I can't see myself EVER being in a real relationship. I don't see myself getting married and having children. Honestly, it's all I want, but I'm so shit at everything for it to ever happen. I'm on several dating sites trying to find anyone to talk to, but anyone I ever message ends up ignoring me. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm having a fucking incredibly hard time putting any of my thoughts to words right now. I feel like I'm babbling on, but I've just needed someone to talk to for the longest fucking time. I'm hurting inside so much, and I just want to get stuff off my chest, but everything is coming out incomprehensibly.

[QUOTE=Emugod;46275120]I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm having a fucking incredibly hard time putting any of my thoughts to words right now. I feel like I'm babbling on, but I've just needed someone to talk to for the longest fucking time. I'm hurting inside so much, and I just want to get stuff off my chest, but everything is coming out incomprehensibly.[/QUOTE] This. When you've been in denial about your problems for so long (to the point you don't even know you're in denial), they build and build until spilling over the brim in a mess of incomprehensible thoughts. Like recently I've come to finally accept that I've got issues and have got more self-aware regarding those, but because you're so used to not feeling anything it does take a lot of mental energy (and I rarely have much of that nowadays) to make those issues commmunicable, not just to other people but to yourself in your own mind too. Relationships. Idk they always seem to fit into this. Anyway I happened to date this girl at the time I was becoming aware of my issues, and I thought I would confide in her. What I did was alternate between barraging her with tangled and over-emotional thoughts and then going through bouts of desperate backpedaling and correction. I must've looked like a mess and even I didn't really know what I was saying. End of story is that I scared her off (she suffered from depression and anxiety herself and I don't think she could be dealing all that unnecessary melodrama from me) I'm optimistic about the future though, recently starting gyming and I'm hoping something will get done about my social anxiety in particular. come @ me gurls [editline]19th October 2014[/editline] but being the awkward moron I am, I still miss this girl and can't help thinking about her and ugh (I talked to her online more often and more intensely than I ever felt like doing with actual "friends") i am lord beta

^^Don't put your emotional baggage over the girl you are trying to woo. Just a general advice. Best of luck with future prospects.

If you do decide to try weed, be sure to be careful how much you take. Weed isn't the most easy drug to become addicted to, but it can be very possible if you do it too often. That said, it can definitely make you sleepy so I'd definitely say it's worth the try if your psych hinted at it. Do you live somewhere where medicinal marijuana is legal? Perhaps he can try writing you a prescription.

-Memories suck-snip-

Vent time. Pretty guilty out about quitting my job. I don't like quitting. And as someone who is 18, I feel obligated to have a job.

I hope this doesn't get too long, I just want to vent and maybe get some advice, really I've mentioned this a few times on FP, but basically when I was 8, my mum died. I grew up, and still am, living with my grandparents. It's really hard to say that I dislike my family without coming across as whiny and edgy, but I don't get along with them very well. They do a lot of things that upset me and whenever I bring up criticism of their behavior I just get reasons why I shouldn't be upset, which is very frustrating. I've never actually been diagnosed with anything, but during high school, I was very depressed, had no self-confident and felt so paranoid that I would stop in the street on my way home to mess around with stuff in my bag to let people walking behind me in front. Along with all this, I would self-harm a lot and for a long time, frequently suicidal. No one really noticed anything wrong me, and the friends who did basically joked about it, although looking back I have a feeling this is because we were in an environment that simply had not explained or understood how to handle mental problems Towards the end of high school, I got into British comedy and watched a lot of stand up, even went to the Edinburgh Fringe. This helped me 'get over' my depression and I was very happy, for the first time i felt somewhat mentally stable. During high school, I had a single relationship with a person who was my best friend, but we stopped talking soon after. This sort of escalated my depression and I remember, caused me so much mental anguish, although looking bad, I'm not mad at that person because it's sort of hard to blame them for not wanting to put up with me. In 2012, I met a guy online, who I soon fell for. We started dating a month later and in May last year we met in real life. It's basically been the best two years of my life, although I have relapsed with my depression and certain things trigger anxiety. He has, quite a few times, encouraged me to seek treatment with my depression, but I've always felt really embarrassed and anxious about finding help. Last Thursday we broke up, as the long distance was taking it's toll for him and we haven't been talking as much lately, which is fair enough as I had noticed this and felt crummy because of it, too. I am sort of handling it okay, like I understand and am respectful, but also have been crying pretty much all the time. He said he wanted to still be friends, and I did as well. We played the new Borderlands for a few hours a couple of days ago, which I really appreciated, despite tearing up almost the entire time. I feel very nervous to talk to him now, and overall uneasy and it's killing me because I love him so fucking much I have no idea if we will get back together, but I have been in so much pain these last few days, that I feel I need to get help, simply to make it stop. At university, we have a different teacher every week and because of this, I don't know them very well and there's none of them I'd really want to talk to For people who have found treatment, how did you do it and what did you say? I've always felt extremely embarrassed by mental problems and it's something I've tried to keep quiet. I also really don't want my family to find out about it or if I were to receive treatment, since whenever I'm ill they assume it's just the computer or don't care. My college teachers were very nice, and I was thinking about contacting them, but I'm worried they'll be busy and stuff I really don't know what to do, I don't want to be depressed, but I'm just so embarrassed and scared

more positive news! last week was amazing and I think I was occupied every single day. even had sex with yet another girl which is a huge boost to my ego. was at a party at Saturday and got pretty wasted, got tons of bruises and broke my friends closet while drunkenly trying to force him to sleep and dragging him through the house. was pretty fun and think my next weekend is going to be spent like this! also met anothrt friend today and met two new people! have some plans tomorrow too as far as I know, I've booked wedensday too. I'm living my dream right now, having friends and being social

[QUOTE=NiandraLades;46287112]I hope this doesn't get too long, I just want to vent and maybe get some advice, really I've mentioned this a few times on FP, but basically when I was 8, my mum died. I grew up, and still am, living with my grandparents. It's really hard to say that I dislike my family without coming across as whiny and edgy, but I don't get along with them very well. They do a lot of things that upset me and whenever I bring up criticism of their behavior I just get reasons why I shouldn't be upset, which is very frustrating. I've never actually been diagnosed with anything, but during high school, I was very depressed, had no self-confident and felt so paranoid that I would stop in the street on my way home to mess around with stuff in my bag to let people walking behind me in front. Along with all this, I would self-harm a lot and for a long time, frequently suicidal. No one really noticed anything wrong me, and the friends who did basically joked about it, although looking back I have a feeling this is because we were in an environment that simply had not explained or understood how to handle mental problems Towards the end of high school, I got into British comedy and watched a lot of stand up, even went to the Edinburgh Fringe. This helped me 'get over' my depression and I was very happy, for the first time i felt somewhat mentally stable. During high school, I had a single relationship with a person who was my best friend, but we stopped talking soon after. This sort of escalated my depression and I remember, caused me so much mental anguish, although looking bad, I'm not mad at that person because it's sort of hard to blame them for not wanting to put up with me. In 2012, I met a guy online, who I soon fell for. We started dating a month later and in May last year we met in real life. It's basically been the best two years of my life, although I have relapsed with my depression and certain things trigger anxiety. He has, quite a few times, encouraged me to seek treatment with my depression, but I've always felt really embarrassed and anxious about finding help. Last Thursday we broke up, as the long distance was taking it's toll for him and we haven't been talking as much lately, which is fair enough as I had noticed this and felt crummy because of it, too. I am sort of handling it okay, like I understand and am respectful, but also have been crying pretty much all the time. He said he wanted to still be friends, and I did as well. We played the new Borderlands for a few hours a couple of days ago, which I really appreciated, despite tearing up almost the entire time. I feel very nervous to talk to him now, and overall uneasy and it's killing me because I love him so fucking much I have no idea if we will get back together, but I have been in so much pain these last few days, that I feel I need to get help, simply to make it stop. At university, we have a different teacher every week and because of this, I don't know them very well and there's none of them I'd really want to talk to For people who have found treatment, how did you do it and what did you say? I've always felt extremely embarrassed by mental problems and it's something I've tried to keep quiet. I also really don't want my family to find out about it or if I were to receive treatment, since whenever I'm ill they assume it's just the computer or don't care. My college teachers were very nice, and I was thinking about contacting them, but I'm worried they'll be busy and stuff I really don't know what to do, I don't want to be depressed, but I'm just so embarrassed and scared[/QUOTE] It's as simple as going into your GP, telling them you think you have depression and telling the doctor about how you feel and what struggles you face and anything you think isn't normal in how you feel in general. The GP (I'm assuming NHS here) will ask you to come in again (or do it on the day if they have free time) and ask you questions about how you feel, and he will decide whether or not he thinks you have clinical depression or anything else. The doc might offer you medication there and then, after giving you information of course. If the doc does, they should give you plenty of info about what the medication they recommend does, side effects, etc. It's always your choice whether you want to so it's good to ask a lot of questions. If you're using the NHS then there's a very long (6-12 months) waiting list to see a mental health specialist who can talk to you about your issues and try and help you use reason and behavioural therapy to try and get over your depression, with medication or without. If you can, I'd try and see a private psychotherapist or psychiatrist to talk to, as it'll cut down on waiting times and a psychotherapist can also recommend whether or not they think you should try medication and give info answer questions about it. A therapist can also write to your GP about what you told them to give your GP more into. My personal experience: I was starting to feel much slower, couldn't think clearly, tired, self doubting, difficult to find motivation, lots of anger, etc, and was becoming aware that I had problems that I never recognised going all the way back to my mid teens. I thought it couldn't be a mental thing because I'd be able to get over it by thinking differently and I might just be lazy, so I kept going to my doctor describing physical symptoms and I was tested for things like diabetes, heart problems, food intolerances, vitamin deficiencies, allergies, etc, but nothing was working. I was living with my boyfriend at the time and he noticed something was going on because my depressive behaviour was straining the relationship (we eventually broke up because dealing with my problems was too much, but remain very close friends), and he recommended seeing a private therapist (to avoid NHS wait times) to talk out any problems I had and find a path to making me feel normal again. I went to the therapist thinking I would just talk about dealing with anger and family issues I had at the time (it was me, not them), but I completely opener up to her and she, to my surprise, said I had classic depressive symptoms and started recommending SSRI type medication to me and told me about success stories she had with other patients she knew and how they don't change your personality but rather help you to ignore intrusive depressing thoughts. She wrote a letter to my GP, who then gave me a questionnaire about my symptoms and agreed with the recommendation from my therapist. I took fluoxetine (aka Prozac) for a little over a year and it helped. I eventually stopped taking it because I started becoming more self-aware of my issues and consciously started fixing them, it also lowers your libido and it wasn't fun being unable to want or have sex. That's me.

so I finally saw a gp about my anxiety and possible (very likely) depression and the first thing they do is put me in for a blood test. not really what I expected. I was also given a quiz (self-assessment). good thing I fucking like quizzes then

I've been prescribed Sertraline by my GP as a longer term solution to my Anxiety, I was taking Buspirone but apparently that's only a short term solution. My problem is that I've read that Sertraline as well as other SSRIs are dangerous, the side effects and withdrawal effects sound worse than depression. Who else here has taken them and are they as bad as they sound?

I don't think I helped by fluffing up my words spending months festering in self reflection and pity but when it comes to actually explaining it to someone else I go full moron

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;46288010]It's as simple as going into your GP, telling them you think you have depression and telling the doctor about how you feel and what struggles you face and anything you think isn't normal in how you feel in general. The GP (I'm assuming NHS here) will ask you to come in again (or do it on the day if they have free time) and ask you questions about how you feel, and he will decide whether or not he thinks you have clinical depression or anything else. The doc might offer you medication there and then, after giving you information of course. If the doc does, they should give you plenty of info about what the medication they recommend does, side effects, etc. It's always your choice whether you want to so it's good to ask a lot of questions. If you're using the NHS then there's a very long (6-12 months) waiting list to see a mental health specialist who can talk to you about your issues and try and help you use reason and behavioural therapy to try and get over your depression, with medication or without. If you can, I'd try and see a private psychotherapist or psychiatrist to talk to, as it'll cut down on waiting times and a psychotherapist can also recommend whether or not they think you should try medication and give info answer questions about it. A therapist can also write to your GP about what you told them to give your GP more into. My personal experience: I was starting to feel much slower, couldn't think clearly, tired, self doubting, difficult to find motivation, lots of anger, etc, and was becoming aware that I had problems that I never recognised going all the way back to my mid teens. I thought it couldn't be a mental thing because I'd be able to get over it by thinking differently and I might just be lazy, so I kept going to my doctor describing physical symptoms and I was tested for things like diabetes, heart problems, food intolerances, vitamin deficiencies, allergies, etc, but nothing was working. I was living with my boyfriend at the time and he noticed something was going on because my depressive behaviour was straining the relationship (we eventually broke up because dealing with my problems was too much, but remain very close friends), and he recommended seeing a private therapist (to avoid NHS wait times) to talk out any problems I had and find a path to making me feel normal again. I went to the therapist thinking I would just talk about dealing with anger and family issues I had at the time (it was me, not them), but I completely opener up to her and she, to my surprise, said I had classic depressive symptoms and started recommending SSRI type medication to me and told me about success stories she had with other patients she knew and how they don't change your personality but rather help you to ignore intrusive depressing thoughts. She wrote a letter to my GP, who then gave me a questionnaire about my symptoms and agreed with the recommendation from my therapist. I took fluoxetine (aka Prozac) for a little over a year and it helped. I eventually stopped taking it because I started becoming more self-aware of my issues and consciously started fixing them, it also lowers your libido and it wasn't fun being unable to want or have sex. That's me.[/QUOTE] I forgot to add this, don't feel embarrassed, the doctors understand depression and it's really common. They don't judge and don't see you as pathetic or lazy because you're actively trying to fix your life by coming to them.

The girl in my dorm has gotten another boyfriend, and I've been seething the last days. I'm a bit better now that I've spoken to my psychologists though. We've set some plans on working on my trust issues, paranoia and so on. Hopefully, I will become a less vengeful person too. Had to start taking cipralex in the morning instead of before I go to bed, cuz somehow they fuck with my sleep pattern.

been feeling pretty depressed today. I have a few people I could contact now, but I'm already feeling like a pest. I feel like that guy who is super awkward and wants to be with everyone. what's the point of all these friendships anyway? instead of having someone close, I just got a bunch of people I use as timewasters. Im craving to go isolate myself again, I feel more bad than good. how much is enough anyway? I'm always free, I get sick of not being social to the point of feeling physically ill. I feel like I'm being annoying by constantly trying to arrange something. taking the initiative the first week was okay, but contacting people a second time feels like too much. I feel really clingy even though I've yet to meet a bunch of the people I've met more than once. I don't even know what my end goal is. I want to get better, but what does that require? what would even make me feel better? I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. do I want a lot of people around me, or a closely knit group? am I putting too much weight on the social part, do I even like being social or is it just something I believe? last thing I should do is give up, so I'm not going to do that. maybe I'm just expecting things to go faster when in reality shit doesn't happen that fast.