Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I have recently come to the conclusion that there is absolutely fucking nothing I want to do. Nothing I do is fun or satisfying anymore. I'm getting depressed for longer and longer periods of time and I'm having more outbursts where I just go and smash some shit I've made or bought. I hate everything about myself and my life. I even hate things that used to make me happy because they remind me of when I used to be able to feel happy. I'm jealous of other people for being happy and I'm starting to get paranoid. I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if other people are in on something I'm not. Or if I'm just completely fucking broken. Maybe When I hit my head back when I was twelve it fucked my brain up. Maybe I was just born like this and am just now realizing it. I get so angry now at the end of my depression spells that I start shaking for a few minutes during and after the outbursts. My mood is so fucked up that I don't even want help because I don't even want it to work, I just don't understand how I can want to end this fucking suffering but I'm so against getting help. I don't feel like I'm trapped or I'm stuck in a rut or anything like that. I feel like there is absolutely NO fucking point in anything anymore. I have NO dreams or ambitions or any kind of direction, I mean sure I'm going to university but then what? Will I even be fucking motivated to get a job? Will I even work up the strength to pass my classes? Will I even care? Why can't I just fucking kill myself already? Why do I have so many easy ways out but constantly fucking resist them? I just can't kill myself. I suppose I just subconsciously realize that as shitty as I feel, there is nothing worse than death. Nothing worse than nothing.

[QUOTE=PredGD;46296837]been feeling pretty depressed today. I have a few people I could contact now, but I'm already feeling like a pest. I feel like that guy who is super awkward and wants to be with everyone. what's the point of all these friendships anyway? instead of having someone close, I just got a bunch of people I use as timewasters. Im craving to go isolate myself again, I feel more bad than good. how much is enough anyway? I'm always free, I get sick of not being social to the point of feeling physically ill. I feel like I'm being annoying by constantly trying to arrange something. taking the initiative the first week was okay, but contacting people a second time feels like too much. I feel really clingy even though I've yet to meet a bunch of the people I've met more than once. I don't even know what my end goal is. I want to get better, but what does that require? what would even make me feel better? I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. do I want a lot of people around me, or a closely knit group? am I putting too much weight on the social part, do I even like being social or is it just something I believe? last thing I should do is give up, so I'm not going to do that. maybe I'm just expecting things to go faster when in reality shit doesn't happen that fast.[/QUOTE] Don't rush it, and take up a hobby so you have something to ponder with when you don't have any friends around. [QUOTE=LuaChobo;46299029]girlfriend dumped me when i told her what happened nice[/QUOTE] Sucks man, but maybe it was for the best?

So, it's 2:30 AM and I can't sleep. I'm laying here pondering my life when I finally allow myself to come to the conclusion that I have no good self-esteem. Personally, I think it's well deserved, but what do I know? At the moment, all I can focus on is my current position: 22 years old, not in school, never been officially employed, never been in a remotely serious relationship. I can't even drive and I've been blaming it on my shitty eyesight. Right now, all I can think about is how money would probably solve the majority of my problems, but that brings me back to my self-esteem; I don't think I'm really worth anyone's time. Any time I get the opportunity to do something for somebody, my mind immediately goes to "how can I fuck this up?". This fear of doing anything wrong or disappointing anybody is even seeping into my hobbies and in things I don't even have to present. I can't work on something without hopelessly worrying about the proper way to do it. I think I'm too concerned with what others think of me. I don't know, maybe I just need to suck it up, accept failure, hold my head high, and keep moving. The last time I spoke like this to anyone, it took a few drinks for me to say anything. Anyway, I'm not entirely sure this even belongs here, but I needed to get it out before I lost the courage to say it.

I missed almost the whole year of school last year because of depression. :\ I'm sorry for everyone that has to go through it.

I sometimes feel really guilty because people have it significantly worse than me.

Sorry if late, can't come here as often as I'd like. [QUOTE=Emugod;46275120]Holy shit. This is so similar to my life at this point, it's not even funny. However, I started off college fairly well. Passed all my classes and felt good about myself. Second semester was a downfall for me. I started skipping classes all the time. I started isolating myself from friends and everything. I stayed in my room and played games all day and night. [/QUOTE] Since I'm currently at a point where I've been attending classes and I'm struggling to get my life back on track I think I may be able to give out some positive advice on your situation as I feel that they are very similar. Today I even met someone who is in a much worse situation than me - 7 years in uni and still in the second year. Word of advice, since your ship is already sinking this semester: Try going to as much classes as possible. Force yourself to get back in the rhythm. It's tough but you'd be surprised how much of creatures of habit we are. If you start taking good habits, the change you need is gonna cost less. Make an objective and stick to it. But above all, whenever confronted about your situation - always be honest. If your parents ask you about your grades, tell them. If you're feeling lonely and desperate, seek help from close people and let it all out, get that load out of your chest. [QUOTE=Emugod;46275120]I had been going to counseling, but it wasn't working very well because I wasn't doing anything for myself. I knew I had a problem, but I would always make an excuse for it. I ended up failing all my classes because one of the doctors at the counseling center sent me to the hospital near the end of the semester for suicidal ideations. [/QUOTE] Although I never felt like killing myself, I only gave it a glimpse of a thought. It's not worth it. Go back to counseling and stick to it. Don't hide your emotions, don't let any stone left unturned about how you feel and what you've been doing. If you feel your counseling is weak, try to find someone else that might help you better. Just don't stop doing stuff. Sometimes life gives us signals and at the end of a lonesome road there's always an answer. [QUOTE=Emugod;46275120] Now, I'm in my second year retaking all the same classes. However, I've been skipping a lot of classes because I really can't be bothered to learn the shit again. I have been going for exams, quizzes, and projects, and some of the classes require attendance. I've been doing the bare minimum in all the classes, and getting away with it for the most part. But, in one class, English, I haven't done a single damn paper or assignment. I make up excuses for myself for why I don't do it... I hate English, I hate papers, I don't want to do the class again... but the real reason is because I'm fucking lazy as hell, and I just can't accept it. I know I'm a lazy fuck, but I do nothing to change it. It's fucking ruining my life.[/QUOTE] Skipping classes here is your worst mistake. I understand completely how they might be boring but if you fail them again you're gonna have to do them again next semester, aggravating your situation. Try to think about how you felt the first successful year in college and try to think over if you're really taking the right course for you. A lot of people, but really a LOT feel the same way about you when they are studying. If you lost track of purpose in your course, then I'd suggest sticking to an objective. Like in my case, I established that I was gonna give everything I got to pass all the 4 subjects I have this semester. After that make a really educated assessment if the course is really fulfilling me. If not, I'm gonna try Industrial Management. Already passed 1, did other 2 tests, the first went like shit and the second was today and it went great. Don't back off when things start to go wrong, try to see where you went wrong and keep at it. It's not hard. I also hated Physics III with my guts and I passed. And the relief felt like wonders. Also, if you're a procrastinator like me, the answer for that is simple. Study with no distractions. Don't lie to yourself. And this is very important. It will consume less time to know the subjects. If you have the subjects from your class on .pdf online, just print em all and study away from your PC. If there are too many distractions at your place, just get the hell out of there and stay at your college's library studying or somewhere peaceful. Been talking to all my friends who are now finishing course and they all told me "I can't study at my place because of distractions". Live life week by week, then month by month, then semester by semester and so on. This will help you establish objectives. And try to enlarge, bit by bit your hours of studying. Don't count your study by how many hours you study a day. But by the quality of it. Don't stop until you know everything. I'm not saying staying awake at nights studying, just study everyday until you know it all. It may be that you'll find yourself studying so hard you'll be so tired you can't look at anything but your own bed. But trust me on this one, you'll sleep tight knowing you had a productive day and you'll be able to wake up the next morning. [QUOTE=Emugod;46275120] Like you, though, I've been completely numb about it. Skipping classes actually felt good at times. Staying in my room and not dealing with other shit felt so good. I didn't like the burden and responsibility of everything, so I masked it with games and sleep. I'm basically doing the exact same thing now. I've actually not felt the depression hit a lot this semester, but now it's really started to hit me. Last night was the first time I've ever thought about killing myself this semester. [/QUOTE] Like me, you're afraid to live. Maybe it's because you're afraid of responsibility or of fucking up, I don't know. But you can't keep running forever. If you fight that early it will be easier. Maybe you haven't reached your breaking point like me, but trust me if you let things stay how they are, you will. [/quote] [QUOTE=Emugod;46275120] But, this is partly due to me trying to be in a romantic relationship. I've been having really shitty luck finding someone to be with, much less finding someone that wants to talk to me at all. And, it's been getting right fucking down. I feel hopeless and pathetic. I'm getting so fucking desperate to find someone that I can't even look at a female without crying inside for the fact that it will never happen. Honestly, I can't see myself EVER being in a real relationship. I don't see myself getting married and having children. Honestly, it's all I want, but I'm so shit at everything for it to ever happen. I'm on several dating sites trying to find anyone to talk to, but anyone I ever message ends up ignoring me. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm having a fucking incredibly hard time putting any of my thoughts to words right now. I feel like I'm babbling on, but I've just needed someone to talk to for the longest fucking time. I'm hurting inside so much, and I just want to get stuff off my chest, but everything is coming out incomprehensibly.[/QUOTE] I can relate with you here and I haven't it all figured out yet. Don't think that nobody out there understands you. there are a LOT of people in the same situation as you out there. But I can tell you that the lack of fulfillment affects your social life. People feel your lack of motivation. They read it in you. Also if you don't feel fulfilled you won't have nothing interesting to share with people about yourself. I'd recommend getting your life straight and making decisive steps towards it and bit by bit you'll start seeing changes in your social and eventually love life. I also dream of having a family one day and have had many heartbreaks during these five years. But If I wasn't ok then my relationships wouldn't last long. Focus on your life, do a thorough evaluation about it and then you'll start seeing relationships in a new light. I should have been in bed 40 minutes ago because I'm waking up early yesterday. Not sure why but for some reason, since you related a lot with me, I felt I should reply to you to give you a general direction. Think about your life, and remember, you're doing it for you. So keep following your heart. If you find out you're not cut out for your degree then change. Change as much as you need. The time for doing mistakes is now. You won't get to do them when you're old. Also I'm sure your closest friends and family will support you if you open up with them. Good luck. I'll be rooting for you.

Anyone willing to talk to me for a few minutes

I don't want to go into any more of my issues nor do I even want to bitch at all but shit is still so fucked in pretty much every aspect of my life and I'm trying to let everything blow over or pass by me but I keep getting so frustrated and worried about everything and I don't even have the energy to show any response besides I'm constantly nauseous and tired (even moreso than my insomnia which has been back these few weeks). I can't always keep what I eat down if I can even sit and have a meal without something coming up to mess with my emotions or state of mind and I can't find enough time to sleep because I have class everyday and I work and I WANT to work because it lets me escape everything else in life for like 6-11 hours each day and I get money for doing what I don't mind, usually enjoy even and that's great but I'm just... I need a break from life. I need to find a way to stop time and teleport to an island filled with cats (and otters and foxes and corgis and more cats) and great internet so I can play games and relax for ever. yes

[QUOTE=The mouse;46288088]I've been prescribed Sertraline by my GP as a longer term solution to my Anxiety, I was taking Buspirone but apparently that's only a short term solution. My problem is that I've read that Sertraline as well as other SSRIs are dangerous, the side effects and withdrawal effects sound worse than depression. Who else here has taken them and are they as bad as they sound?[/QUOTE] all medications have an inherent danger to taking them, we as medical providers are required to tell you and it is public information. just because you take the meds doesnt mean anything is going to happen, we are just required to inform you that it is a possibility. your provider would have checked to see if you had any contraindications before prescribing the med. please place trust in your provider since they have your best interest in mind.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46306793]Anyone willing to talk to me for a few minutes[/QUOTE] If your offer still stands, I can offer my help if you're interested.

so, ever since my ex girlfriend cut off all contact with me I feel so alone. nobody contacts me, ever. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have nobody to spend time with. I don't think I'm worthless or anything like that, I'm just so lonely that I can barely take it. I know if I hold out it'll get better, but it just feels endless right now.

[QUOTE=Psygo;46310298]so, ever since my ex girlfriend cut off all contact with me I feel so alone. nobody contacts me, ever. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have nobody to spend time with. I don't think I'm worthless or anything like that, I'm just so lonely that I can barely take it. I know if I hold out it'll get better, but it just feels endless right now.[/QUOTE] Did you stop talking to your friends to be with your gf? I know some people that are like that when they get in a relationship. Maybe you should start contacting instead of waiting for them to contact you.

only friends I have left is 2 people I've never met in real life and they don't seem to appreciate me being around much anymore. I didn't really have any real life friends before her either, but it wasn't a problem back then.

[QUOTE=Psygo;46310375]only friends I have left is 2 people I've never met in real life and they don't seem to appreciate me being around much anymore. I didn't really have any real life friends before her either, but it wasn't a problem back then.[/QUOTE] Kinda same situation as me, Although I do have some real friends, I know they always talk shit about me and the 2 people I know that I have not met can help me all the time. My real friends not so much.

All my best friends just made a band together in one of the subjects at school, leaving me out because "I play the wrong instrument". I totally get it, but it's not really helping my case because I really want to play music like that. I tried to switch, but I was to bad at any other instruments. I even played this Wednesday and got a lot a praise because of my performance, but I can't really enjoy the fame because of this. It ended up going pretty bad for me and I bought alot of candy and shit yesterday due to my addiction to food when I feel down. Felt down and was laying awake for several hours and woke up around 3 in the morning from a nightmare with my problems. Ended up browsing back in the thread which wasn't a good idea at all so I didn't sleep anymore. I tried to get up and take a shower so I would look better and taking a good sip of the Coke I bought yesterday and got really bad chestpain to the point I fell down on the bed. Got really nervous that my body was going to stop soon due to my mind fucking up that too. I'm on my way to school and I don't really want anything at all. The test we had yesterday even took more of my motivation to living at all. Why can't people see that I want to be something, to be someone playing rock/pop music on a stage? Unlike them I picked the wrong instrument, now I'm worthless. And people I hate keep talking to me, I either want to be with my friends or be alone, so fuck off. I don't want to listen to you bitching about a title for World of Warcraft, I have my own shit to care off and I don't even care about you or Wow. Just leave me alone, I have a crushed dream that's broken beyond fixing but I'm not giving up. And nearly nobody knows my problems so I'm mostly alone on that top. I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me: "you can do it". Because convincing myself isn't working anymore. Sorry for the long vent, I'm just tired of everyone leaving me out when what I'm actually do is what they are experiencing everyday because they are much better then me...

Legit don't know what to do with my life. I'm 18 right now, I have way higher standards of myself than this. I feel pretty helpless on here and in actual reality. [QUOTE=Ihasabucket;46310297]If your offer still stands, I can offer my help if you're interested.[/QUOTE] I calmed down, thanks though.

[QUOTE=LuaChobo;46317801]i know that im probably the last person that should be giving advice, especially about careers seeing as what im going through but saying that you have high standards of yourself is probably whats making you feel shit what part of you tells you that you need high standards? if you are 18 then it can't really be from past experience because everyone is a fucking idiot when we are young, so unless its just a sense of pride in being an adult (which i can understand) its probably just one of those things you need to work through over time[/QUOTE] I rather have high standards and feel like shit than have no standards. Some of the things that have happened to me is a fucking joke and could've been prevented. Like a 1-2 years ago I had no standards and everything was worse but I didn't give a shit.

[QUOTE=LuaChobo;46317816]if thats what you want then you arent going to change, which means you are going to constantly feel like this even if you end up getting into a career, based on what you said you sound like me, and if you are like me then you would constantly try to improve and never be satisfied by your work, which leads to feeling shit anyway not much you can do[/QUOTE] Shit has changed though. I'm off my meds and I'm not batshit insane anymore. Shit's still pretty bad though.

[QUOTE=Thaard;46300199]Don't rush it, and take up a hobby so you have something to ponder with when you don't have any friends around.[/QUOTE] definitely a good idea. I spoke with my contact about this right after I posted, and he told me I needed to get something else to fall back on instead of relying on others having time. it kinda says itself now that I think about it, it's not a very good idea to stack everything on top of one thing and just hope that works out. I picked up playing guitar again to kill some time. learned iron man by black sabbath by memory, and although it's a fairly easy song to play, it's still very fun. I didn't bother bringing it back home this weekend though and I view it as sort of a social thing. it's not the same to play by myself and I'd rather sit down in the living room at the ward and play there. I brought up that I wanted to start exercising to my contact at the ward to kill time, so that's something I'm looking forward to arrange next week. it's a start, but there are still a bunch of gaps. if I start going to the gym, it's not going to keep me occupied for long. the plan is to follow a program I followed last summer which took me about 30-60 minutes to complete. playing the guitar is fun, but that doesn't keep me occupied for very long either. it's something I pick up, play for a few minutes, then go do other stuff. if I'm intent on learning a new song, I might sit a little longer but I can't imagine it being any longer than an hour tops. if I really push it, I might be able to kill 2 hours a day by exercise, in the gym and on the guitar. I'm up 08:30 every morning and in bed by 22:30. that means I still have 12 hours in my time budget with no plans. of course, I still have the social part which could take an entire day or several hours off my day which is great, but I won't have anything else to fall back on. being social really is a time gamble. any ideas on what I could fill my days with? I got the hobby which is to play guitar, and I got the gym. what else?

So, I'm almost 25 years old, working as a delivery driver for a really slow pizza place. I was released from jail almost 7 months ago after a 6 month bid and during that time I thought maybe I'd be able to get my shit together, but no. I can't seem to make any friends, the women I meet usually end up not giving a fuck about me. If it weren't for my mom (probably the only person who loves me at all) I would have killed myself a long time ago. I've recently decided to quit my job because this girl I have feelings for, who is also my coworker is deciding to be a total bitch to me ever since I told her how I feel about her. I feel like every year I end up being more lonely and disappointed in myself. All I do anymore is play my guitar and play video games every now and then, I feel like I've lost my pride and have no motivation to do anything. It just seems like no matter how hard I try to do something good it ends up fucking me over.

So legit question what's the point in life. Like at this point I honestly don't think it's worth it. The only reason I'm still alive today is because my family would be devastated. I honestly wish that they didn't care about me because I don't see a good future for myself ahead.

I feel the same way bro.

Here's to crying yourself to sleep

What exactly is the matter man?

I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety and PTSD (for something I'd rather not go into), but recently I've been flipping between "totally fine" and "oh my god I hate myself there's a big enough knife in the kitchen" so fast it's giving me whiplash. Should I get checked out for bipolar disorder or something cause I'm kinda worried? [editline]adfs[/editline] Or maybe I should be worried that I'm about to kill myself. Priorities.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46325899]Here's to crying yourself to sleep[/QUOTE] I wish I could still cry. Don't know what the hell happened down the line but I just can't anymore. So many nights in this month alone I've wanted to cry to sleep, even with my girlfriend sleeping next to me. On a lighter note the antifungal's been working, though I'm still getting days where I get massive depression and eye pains, just further apart and for not as long. Not going to be the least bit surprised if it's the toxoplasmosis, but it shouldn't; my immune system is probably better than most peoples nowadays with all the things I'm taking. Doctor don't believe me for a second that I have it however, so I have to go get a blood test to check. And even then he won't medicate me if it shows up, because it's reserved for immunocompromised people. There's supplements that apparently help but out of all the supplements I've taken I'm probably the most skeptical of those. Parasites, especially toxoplasmosis are an absolute bitch to treat. But again I don't have a choice. The doctors won't treat me or believe anything I say, so it's either do nothing and get worse or burn money and hope it works. But to end on an actual good note, my girlfriends mum bought us a brand new portable air conditioner. At least I won't cook to death this summer.

I'm going through a rough time in my life right now. My mom is an alcoholic and she was sober for 13 years but she turned to drinking again recently and it's really starting to take a toll on me and the rest of my family. She's drinking pretty much every single day and then lieing about it. Every single time she gets caught she says that this is the last time and she won't drink anymore. My mom turns psychotic when she gets extremely drunk and attacks us if we try to calm her down. There is nothing we can say to her that will make her stop and she's just going to keep lieing. I really have no idea what to do

been feeling pretty down for the past week. week before this one was pretty great, but that's because there was a change. it doesn't feel as big anymore. I'm not sure what to do with myself. ever since wedensday I've had nothing to do. I don't want to bother anyone by asking them if they want to do something. even if I were to take contact, what would we be doing? mindlessly walking around? watching TV? I suppose there's going to a cafe, but what would we be talking about? I've already unloaded everything I have on my mind to everyone I've met, I don't know what else I could converse about. I feel unwanted. when I ask if someone wants to go do something, they're occupied. there could be truth to it, or an excuse. for example, on wedensday I was out with the other patients and staff since one of the patients were leaving, so we took a pizza as a goodbye. earlier I had gotten a snap from a girl who said she was occupied that very same day asking if anyone was in town, which I was. I sent a message on facebook asking if she was still around, which she said yes to. I left the others to meet her and someone else she was with, which was okay I suppose. I still got to meet her, but she still told me prior that she was occupied. how come she wasn't occupied? same deal with the weekend, she told me she was occupied with her social contact, yet she snaps me, completely wasted with other friends. not to mention tuesday where she said she was going to meet her mother, but might be able to meet me after that. time went by, so I hooked up with another friend instead since I was certain we wouldn't meet. but hey, guess what, she was in town which I noticed over facebook, so I asked if she was around. she said yes, and yet again, we met briefly where she was with another friend of hers. so much for our plans. I contacted another old friend of mine on wedensday. we talked briefly over facebook, and after a while she said we should meet one day. I asked if she was free this week, and she asked if I was thinking of any specific day. said I had no plans for thursday and friday, and possibly not on saturday either. told me she'd think about it, haven't talked to her since. somehow I feel like she didn't want to meet after all. she did snap me once though after the conversation, so I suppose I'm not 100% unwanted. the girl who I was first to contact said she was occupied this entire week as well, haven't spoken with her much outside of that. she sent me a message a few days ago so I feel a lot more wanted there. gonna send a message tomorrow and see if I can arrange something, feel more comfortable with her. then there's the girl at the ward I ended up developing a weird relation to. we settled at not entering a relationship, and we don't talk often. though she did suggest wanting to have sex on thursday, so not sure how I feel about that. it'd be much better if I knew her better than I do now, right now it's just awkward and I don't think having sex on a regular basis is going to improve that. unless it's going to be less awkward a second time now that both know none of us want any more than sex, I don't know. still got the other girl I had sex with, but she's kind of special. not very similar to me, don't really enjoy being with her that much. she also got a fairly bad reputation which says something. she even got me chlamydia so that isn't very fun. other than all these weird relations, I got two others who I find more reliable. one is the guy I went to last weekend and got wasted with, and the other is the girl who is pregnant and suffers from social anxiety. last one is pretty hard to arrange anything with since she's very dependent on her mother, so I don't think I want to invest a whole lot there. I'm comfortable around the other guy though, but I run into the issue of not knowing what we should do together, which he also feels. there's also one other option, and that is the pregnant girls boyfriend. I got to know him about 2 years ago I believe, and he seems like a pretty cool dude. I met both of them yesterday, went over there. it's tempting to contact him, but it feels weird. yet again, I don't know what to do with him sorry for the rambling. felt the need to vent, but wasn't sure what to write about so ended up with some thoughts on everyone in my social circle. I feel like I'm putting too much emphasis on the social part of life, but it's hard not to when most people are occupied socially, at least of those I know. I'd love some input, advice, etc, to my situation. I'm not sure what my next move should be

I feel like I'm losing my touch. Any project I have started in the last two years has either been a spectacular failure or stalled due to lack of motivation. I've NEVER pulled a video from youtube unless it was requested, yet tonight for the first time and simply because one of my projects failed so badly I had no choice because it was being used against me. I'm running out of things to do outside of work. I can't photograph because I'm running out of motivation to shoot anything I see, video projects have all stalled either because I have nobody to help because I'm not making train video to highlight I'm broken, my electronics projects are all gathering dust because I have problems I need help with and nobody wants to offer and the car can't see any further work because well.....I have nobody to help me. I mean just last month I tried to make ends meet on a guy who I used to be best friends with until something happened. Forget talking. I couldn't look at him without being terrified. I spent something like twenty minutes crying like a fucking girl in a dirty bathroom. I'm such a fucking wimp. I can take only so much flak daily and keep the "laugh and try not to think about it" face but eventually I lost track of why I was doing retarded things just to try and socialize. Can we rig that pricing gun to shoot bullets? I don't want to be here. I don't know. I need more alcohol.

I used to think of myself as a really comedic guy when I wasn't depressed or angry, but recently I haven't said a damn thing that's made people laugh, no matter how hard I try. It's like the only talent I have that matters on a regular day-to-day basis is slipping the fuck away. Why do I even bother to open my fucking mouth?