Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;40030722]I'll keep a journal where I can spread all my angst teenager emotions onto. I think on Friday ill start reducing my medication a little bit, starting at 175mg for 3 days, 150mg for another 3 days, ect ect. I literally feel no emotion most of the time, other than sorrow. I can't even talk to my fucking e-relationship long fucking distance suicidal boyfriend without fear of saying something that gets him depressed because I'm always in this shitty mood.[/QUOTE] One step at a time, love. That's all one can do for now. [editline]25th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Spacewolf;40031225]Whenever I start feeling down it just gets progressively worse to the point that right now I feel as bad as when I had pneumonia recently. This has been happening on a weekly basis and it's getting harder to deal with and I don't really know what to do.[/QUOTE] When did these moments first start? Was it when you had pneumonia? Are you taking any medication that could have any side effects leading to it? Have you been in contact with others/do you spend time alone a lot? Hate to bombard you with loads of questions, but the more you know about something, the easier it is to offer advice. [editline]25th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=zerotwelve;40033540]Just thought I'd get a bit of advice, since joining college this year (UK) I've had nothing but bad feelings. I joined the college and instantly disliked it, I think a combination of my choice of subjects, the fact that I'm locked into those subjects and have no choice to pick anything else, the way my tutors don't care about me, the fact that I've not got nearly as many friends as I did in High School (I could talk to anybody I wanted too in High School and had a great time, however at college I've only got a select few friends that aren't really anything to die for), it's all just bringing me down My attendance to College has been atrocious, I think it's around 69% at the moment, and I'm pretty behind on work. They keep telling me that I'm on my last chance but I keep ignoring it and not attending it, and I've got a feeling that now I'm really going to get told to leave. I've not gone in today, or friday of last week, and I think that tomorrow shit is going to hit the fan. The problem is that I'm incredibly lazy, and have no motivation to do anything. If I wasn't so lazy back in High School I would've got better grades and be in a situation where I could've done what I wanted at college, instead of being forced to take a course that I don't want to do. Now, I know that I need to do everything I can to sort myself out and get back on track - do well on this course so that I've got more options at the end of the two years, but I just keep ignoring this and doing what I want. I keep skipping lessons, even full days, getting behind on work, like I know that in the back of my head they're just going to kick me out anyway. Like now, I've recently recieved an e-mail telling me that my place at the college for the second year isn't guaranteed, and that I might have to move to another college or do something else with my life. I've took this on board, and know that I need to do something about it, yet I've completely ignored it and - again - not bothered to attend today. I hope there's someone on here that can give me some advice on the matter because I really want to stop myself from fucking up even further. [editline]25th March 2013[/editline] sorry if this doesn't make much sense it was an impulse post[/QUOTE] Seems like old habits die hard. If you knew you were lazy before, but didn't take the chance to change it, you're going to stay the way you are until you get your rear into high gear or someone lights a fire under your ass. You have the power to change it. You know you're screwing up and have a reason why, now you need to do something about it. If you have no motivation, try to find a goal out of it. "To get out of these boring-ass classes" could be one, albeit pretty arbitrary. "To learn something different" or what have you. Anything to make light of the situation. I remember slacking a bit during my Sophomore and Junior years of high school. I feared I'd never graduate from a shitty high school. Come Senior year, I put all my effort into doing well. I studied for tests, I did homework the day I got them. Now, granted, college is a bit more lenient, but it is also more pressuring in regards to future careers and blah blah. Shit one knows when going into college. Point is, if you know something is wrong, and you know you can change it, do it. Start small. If you don't like how your room looks, change it. If you don't like how your hair looks, change it. I know its easier said than done, and I know its hard to get motivated for anything when you already feel like you don't care. It may be too late to do something about the present, but you can prevent it in the future. I really don't have much to offer other than words, but I hope it is something to get you going. One step at a time. Don't try to take it all in at a single time, else you're overwhelm yourself and drop it altogether. [editline]25th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=pvt.jenkins;40033682]Hey guys, I've read these threads quite a bit and they've always somewhat comforted me, but this is really my first post in them, I don't like talking about my problems on the internet for whatever reason, but lately I don't know what to do with myself, I dropped out of school last year and I went back this year (I'm in year 11 by the way, but I would've been in 12 if I didn't drop out.) I don't really know what happened last year, I just felt sad all the time, I had near to no friends (I had changed schools) and was struggling in school work, and the year prior all my friends seemed to just want to distance themselves from me I also got bullied quite a bit. I haven't really seen any of them in around two years, I just felt like I was just a waste of space, I got into a few verbal fights with my parents and ended up getting kicked out of the house a couple of times, I just felt like I was a un-grateful asshole and everyone around me would benefit if I was just gone, I came close killing myself a couple of times but I could never bring myself to actually do it, maybe because I'm a coward I don't really know. I went to a shrink last year a bit, he told me I had social anxiety and depression, I don't really know how I got like that.. I mean at a stage my home life wasn't exactly the best according to another person I went to (a school councilor) I was "abused" a bit but most of those physical things I had brought onto myself and they were my fault, but my home life wasn't ever god awful, I just felt like I was just taking all the effort my parents had put into me for granted.. so I decided to take a break from school life and get a job and such, and I did, It made me feel pretty good about myself, I still felt sad from time to time but I tried my best to mask it. I am back at school now and it's made me feel so many mixed emotions, I feel good that I'm getting along with my life and such, but at the same time I just can't help but feel sad all the time, the few friends I knew have moved on all except one, every time I have free time I usually go to him and hang out, but the times where I can't find him I usually just go find a quite place and read, I feel like all I do is bring him down and irritate him though.. basically everyday lately has been somewhat like that, till recently, I got the flu last week and thus I didn't go to school for a couple days, My parents thought that I was going to drop out or something, and I'm not even 100 percent sure the thought hadn't crossed my mind, anyway my dad gave me this pretty moving speech about how when he was young he broke his leg and his friends carried him home and that my "Internet Friends" would never be able to do that for me, It's pretty clear that he's disappointed in me, I mean I understand where he's coming from and I don't blame him for it, it's my fault, eventually that lead into a pretty heated argument and I ended up storming off for a couple hours, I got home around dark and everyone in my house was asleep, I just sat down by front of the door for a bit staring at the sky, I had planned to do it, I was going to kill myself that night, I went and got one of my shaving razors and sat on my bed, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, I was scared of what the afterlife was, and that if I did this all the time and effort my friends and family put into me would all be wasted.. I don't really know how to describe all the other thoughts that crossed my head, they all sort of seem like a garbeled mess trying to think about it now.. but anyway that brings me to now, Lately I've just been getting this I guess random attacks where I feel both sad, disappointed and mad at myself all the same time, I'm just a fucking asshole that's wasting my life and my family's time and complaining about my problems when there are plenty of people are in worse situations than me.. I don't really know what to do, should I just try to get over it? I'm currently trying to make new friends but I can't help but feel like they don't want me around, should I try getting counselling?. I'm sorry for the huge block of text, and that I rambled a lot, and all the typos.[/QUOTE] After reading that, I'd suggest counseling/therapy. What you're experiencing is some major depression/crippling anxiety that you really should talk to someone about. While your school life is probably on par with just about everyone else that went through school, mental illness is something one should always keep in check. Anxiety plays a huge role as an obstacle in everyone's lives. The feeling you experience when around your friends is that anxiety. You think too much and it spins out of control and thus ends up with you blaming yourself for just about everything. I went through the same experience as you and left school with so many bottled issues that I felt like I'd explode if something remotely traumatic happened near me. When you meet a friend, try not to approach them with pre-anxious ideas ("I hope they like me"/"I hope I don't say anything stupid") because it'll make it worse when you talk to them or finish talking to them. Talk to your parents as well. Just straight up ask your parents "Are you disappointed in me?" One thing that really bores away at someone's mind is not knowing something, but filling in that blank with an answer that might be true and only serving to push their negative ideas forward. Just ask them. And work from there. It might be hard and probably the last thing you want to do, but if you feel like it is something you really should know/ask about, do it. Truth hurts, but its better than being comfortably numb from lies (in my opinion0. Again, see a therapist/counselor, try to spend more time around friends and family, ask questions instead of assuming. Don't go through the same shit I did and ignore it. [editline]25th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Don Ochs;40034856]posted this in another thread untill I found this one but yeah, Sometimes I don't get up in the morning. This was one of those days, I woke up at 8 am and just couldn't bring myself to go to school so I lay there untill my dad came home an hour later and had one of those mad outbreaks. And so I lay in bed awake untill 5 pm. And this is what bothers me; my parents can be mad at me, they can have their outbreaks when they feel I've let them down.. But what about me? What the hell am I supposed to be mad at, what am I supposed to yell at and insult? The thin air? Myself?[/QUOTE] Not sure what to say about this really. Did you stay in bed for lack of a reason to get out for? Sometimes its okay to be mad at yourself, as long as you know how you can change it. Being mad at yourself in a self-deprecating manner only hurts you. If you know something is wrong, and you know you can change it, change it. Why are they mad at you? There has to be a reason. Is depression part of the cause? Have you spoken to them about anything that might be the reason?

I'm losing my mind right now and I'm seriously considering going on anti depressants even though I told myself I never would. I just don't see any other option anymore.

Perhaps its better to come back with a more clear mind then. We'll still be here.

[QUOTE=Vaught;40036955]Not sure what to say about this really. Did you stay in bed for lack of a reason to get out for? Sometimes its okay to be mad at yourself, as long as you know how you can change it. Being mad at yourself in a self-deprecating manner only hurts you. If you know something is wrong, and you know you can change it, change it. Why are they mad at you? There has to be a reason. Is depression part of the cause? Have you spoken to them about anything that might be the reason?[/QUOTE] They know about it. I've felt depressed for years. It's a problem because it affects my ability in school, my will to go there. I skip several days because I can't be arsed to be around friends when I feel bad, having to keep up a happy face, and I can't do my assignments because I'm too stressed. There is nothing that really makes me happy either, nothing that pulls me through. What I meant is that I have nothing to be angry at, I would love to have a person I could yell at and put all the blame on, but I can't because it's not that easy. I have to ignore the anger, the pain and the anxiety and so I can't be happy. I can be happy when I'm drunk, and I feel relaxed when I have a cigarette; that's the only times I feel okay. [editline]25th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=Spacewolf;40037980]I'm losing my mind right now and I'm seriously considering going on anti depressants even though I told myself I never would. I just don't see any other option anymore.[/QUOTE] I've never liked anti depressants either. To me it seems like masking the problem. I just hate the thought of having to rely on a drug to feel ok when I'm physically (as far as you can tell) healthy.

Wanting a scapegoat, while natural, isn't something I'd recommend. Have you sought out counseling or therapy sessions to talk about the depression?

[QUOTE=Vaught;40038901]Wanting a scapegoat, while natural, isn't something I'd recommend. Have you sought out counseling or therapy sessions to talk about the depression?[/QUOTE] Yeah but there's a waiting time on atleast a month so dunno when I'll get to see somebody. It's not really a scapegoat, I don't really want to put the blame on something I just don't want the problem to be there in the first place.

[QUOTE=Don Ochs;40039160]Yeah but there's a waiting time on atleast a month so dunno when I'll get to see somebody. It's not really a scapegoat, I don't really want to put the blame on something I just don't want the problem to be there in the first place.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry to say but I really don't know what to say in regards to this. I wish I knew how to help in this situation. Maybe someone has a better idea. I hope things improve over time :<

I'm doing my exchange year in a small southern town, and I absolutely hate it. I don't feel like I'm doing a lot more than I would in my country, and I feel like I'm not really learning anything, I hate all my classes, I hate the food, the people and pretty much everything else. I live in the middle of nowhere, so even if I want to do something on the weekends and such to relax and not feel stressed out, I can't, because if I do find a ride someone is probably goin to ask me for a shitload of gas money because I live so far, so in the end, the weekends only make me feel worse. I also seem to get in trouble for not doing anything, and recently I got kicked out of one of my classes, one that I actually liked, and that also made the exchange company guys get mad at me and they forbid me from going on a trip, one that I paid a lot of money for, and what's best is that they only warned me about it on the day of the trip (aka not only it made me feel like shit, I also couldn't get any money back for the flight). The only reason I haven't gone back is because I want to go back to America for college, and I can't do that if I return earlier than scheduled, though I'm still hating my exchange year and the fact that I paid for it makes me regret it even more, and I keep thinking about going back. I'm afraid I'm gonna make an impulse decision about that at any time, I feel emotionally unstable and almost everything that happens changes my mood drastically. My dad is bipolar, and I'm not sure if my situation has anything to do with it, I started taking some medicine for that recently (not really anti depressants) and I still feel like shit I know my problem isn't as half as bad as other people from this thread but damn, I feel like it is

My twin brother was murdered when we were 15. I developed a massive fear of others, I can barely trust anyone anymore. Even if the teacher tries to pair us up or whatever for a project I will nearly cry because I am so afraid. I've fainted a few times from having to give presentations, too. Being a cross dressing female as well has its setbacks and I get severely bullied. I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, too. Sometimes I just really need a hug. That feels horrible, because I don't have any friends because almost everyone thinks I'm a freak. I wish I had more friends, or at least some internet ones. That was a little rant, but is there any way to just calm the negative emotions at school without full-on meditating or whatever? I want to calm myself without making people notice me. Sticking out is the last thing I want to do.

I called in sick for the second day in a row now. My mother is fucking pissed off, my father will start accusing me of playing games all night and blaming it all on that. I had to stay up and make sure this person doesn't commit suicide or anything. My mother probably wants him to so he could get out of my hair and make me feel better, for some fucking reason.

[QUOTE=Don Ochs;40038520]I've never liked anti depressants either. To me it seems like masking the problem. I just hate the thought of having to rely on a drug to feel ok when I'm physically (as far as you can tell) healthy.[/QUOTE] Well if your stomach was sick, you would take some medicine to make it feel better, right? So why can't you do the same when your brain is sick?

I hate myself right now. Can't get off my ass to go to the store to buy things for dinner tonight, yet I want to go. I still somehow don't, it's like I'm fighting with myself to do a simple task.

15 minutes ago, my dog left for the vet for what is most likely going to be the last time. She has been having trouble all weekend, and things are only seeming to go downhill. It is very tough on my family and myself, but the last thing any of us want is for her to be in any more pain. I guess things will come to pass, and I can take comfort in the fact that she would no longer be in any pain, and also be in a better place. Thank you, Vaught, for the advice you gave me. We managed to make things end on a high note, as tough as it is to say goodbye.

[QUOTE=Abrown516;40045420]Well if your stomach was sick, you would take some medicine to make it feel better, right? So why can't you do the same when your brain is sick?[/QUOTE] That's the counter argument, and I don't know what to say, it's just something I feel.

Everything is getting more worse every day, cutting seems to help for some time, hating myself for doing it though.

[QUOTE=Lyonidis;40045472]15 minutes ago, my dog left for the vet for what is most likely going to be the last time. She has been having trouble all weekend, and things are only seeming to go downhill. It is very tough on my family and myself, but the last thing any of us want is for her to be in any more pain. I guess things will come to pass, and I can take comfort in the fact that she would no longer be in any pain, and also be in a better place. Thank you, Vaught, for the advice you gave me. We managed to make things end on a high note, as tough as it is to say goodbye.[/QUOTE] I know the feel to let a dog like that go. My german shephard died earlier this year, we put her to sleep. So hard when you have known that dog nearly your entire life and you could just see her condition getting worse over the span of a couple weeks from a happy and not sad dog to a former shell of that dog. But I was not crying about the dog that day because this had to done for the dog and I saw it coming, besides tears were not going to help that dog. Never focus on the bad things not even when your dog is dying. Think about the good times you had and how good that dog was. I thought about how good the life of my dog was, about how long it was. And remember, at least you got to say goodbye... Other dog that my family had, died basically overnight so we did not even get to say a proper goodbye. [B]'Always look on the bright side of life'[/B]

[QUOTE=Abrown516;40045420]Well if your stomach was sick, you would take some medicine to make it feel better, right? So why can't you do the same when your brain is sick?[/QUOTE] A brain and emotions are too complicated to be analyzed that way.

My depression is getting worse. I've begun cutting to curb my thirst for suicide, and I refuse to get therapy or take anti depressants. I'm worrying a lot of people, and I'm probably going to end up reported and be forced to take therapy anyway.

why would you refuse to do therapy

Damn people typing in about cutting (No you aren't first so it's not your fault or anything Pyro) as a way to get around or something with their emotional pain and stuff. Remember seeing it in a thread sometime and it have planted a seed in my backhead causing me to have a feeling that hurting myself will make it go away.

[QUOTE=Spacewolf;40049689]A brain and emotions are too complicated to be analyzed that way.[/QUOTE] If you have diabetes, you're not producing enough insulin, so then you take medication to reverse that. If you have depression, you're not producing enough serotonin, so then you take medication to reverse that. Sure more serotonin might not always fix everything, but try it. You're doing yourself more harm by refusing to try something than you are giving it at least a try and then deciding to continue or not afterwards.

[QUOTE=Abrown516;40052571]If you have diabetes, you're not producing enough insulin, so then you take medication to reverse that. If you have depression, you're not producing enough serotonin, so then you take medication to reverse that. Sure more serotonin might not always fix everything, but try it. You're doing yourself more harm by refusing to try something than you are giving it at least a try and then deciding to continue or not afterwards.[/QUOTE] It's a personal choice that I don't like taking medication that will alter my emotions. I stopped taking medication for ADHD because I realized that I was a completely different person when I was on the drugs and I didn't like it. I only noticed after I had stopped taking it for a while that it changed me so much, so I don't want to take drugs that will have those kinds of side effects, and changing your emotions is basically the definition of anti depressants. I want to know that my thoughts are my own and my decisions aren't caused by the drugs I take. Is what I have thought for a long time, now I'm not even sure if that's worth it. Thanks for thinking I'm dumb, that really helps.

For something that simple I'd definitely give it a try, if what's happening now already affects you so much anyway

[QUOTE=Confuzzed Otto;40051622]Damn people typing in about cutting (No you aren't first so it's not your fault or anything Pyro) as a way to get around or something with their emotional pain and stuff. Remember seeing it in a thread sometime and it have planted a seed in my backhead causing me to have a feeling that hurting myself will make it go away.[/QUOTE] How old are you? 14? Don't hurt yourself.

edit: my bad, misunderstood you

I just wish that I had a new life sometimes. I have made, so many mistakes that constantly pound on my mind. To be honest, I would commit suicide if it didn't pain anybody else. I can't bear the thought of my mother, my sister, my father. You know. I don't know why things like this set me off. I keep thinking that the medication is making me an emotionless piece of garbage, but I am tearing up from typing this message. I am so mentally unhealthy right now, and seeking help is impossible. I have to wait a long time to see a therapist. I had to delete a lot of vulgar language in this post because every other word is just redundant cussing.

[QUOTE=Nikeos;40066176]what is that supposed to mean? that only 14 year olds hurt themselves? self harm is a serious issue among all ages.[/QUOTE] What? I asked because I can't remember if he is 14 or not. [editline]28th March 2013[/editline] [QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;40068158]I just wish that I had a new life sometimes. I have made, so many mistakes that constantly pound on my mind. To be honest, I would commit suicide if it didn't pain anybody else. I can't bear the thought of my mother, my sister, my father. You know. I don't know why things like this set me off. I keep thinking that the medication is making me an emotionless piece of garbage, but I am tearing up from typing this message. I am so mentally unhealthy right now, and seeking help is impossible. I have to wait a long time to see a therapist. I had to delete a lot of vulgar language in this post because every other word is just redundant cussing.[/QUOTE] It seems like we are in the same situation, I feel bad for you bro.

Sometimes I just wish I didn't feel so bad for my mistakes, I feel like not all of them are that bad but whatever it is I always find a way to make myself feel worse for making them

[QUOTE=roxter;40069366]What? I asked because I can't remember if he is 14 or not. [/QUOTE] I'm 16.

every fucking day, my parents just yell at each other nonstop. Goddamn I need a pair of headphones or something