Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

Not sure if it is at all a smart idea to spill myself in a thread for everyone to see but whatever. Over the past year or so I've just felt really unhappy with myself, I absolutely despised high-school but I managed to stick it to the end and came out with somewhat good exam results and I thought my mood would start getting better but it didn't, I only had a small friend group but we were only really friends because we saw each other 5 times a week, since leaving we've only hung out a few times and it's usually the same old routine; get some food and go to the cinema or have a meal and then go home. Besides that we rarely talk anymore. I've started an art course in college and seem to be enjoying it so far but my procrastination and motivational issues are already making me fall behind and it's beginning to cause me some stress. I've certainly made new friends in my class and we've all been out for meals a couple of times now and you know, I felt happy... I smiled and laughed but the moment I get home I just shut myself in my room and play games to distract myself from everything. Since I broke up with my girlfriend a while ago now everything has just come crashing down, I feel shit and grumpy all the time, my temper is always up and the slightest thing makes me feel really angry and I don't know how to deal with it or where to put that anger so I sort of bury it deep down inside and it really shows sometimes, especially at home. I just really miss having [I]someone[/I] in my life that I can always look to when I'm troubled, it's almost as if I can't properly function anymore. I always tell myself "I'll go out and do more things and meet new people" but I never do, I'm in an endless cycle of putting things off and running away from my problems. I don't know what to do anymore, any hobbies I try to take up I just quit because I'm never good at anything. I just lock myself away all day and think depressing and stupid thoughts until I cry myself to sleep, it's really fucking pathetic. I just don't know what to do anymore, it feels like a huge part of my life that I had become accustomed to has just up and vanished.

Well... I've pretty much got a roughdraft for my suicide note. If things do not get any better within the next few weeks, I'm probably going to just off myself, and spare my family a mental defect.

What do you guys feel about antidepressants? I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, and she kept urging me to talk to my doctor about the stuff I've told her. I finally did after some time, and now my doctor wants to prescribe Zoloft, or some shit. The idea of the pills are terrifying, what happens if I stop taking it or something, say years down the road?

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;46349430]What do you guys feel about antidepressants? I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, and she kept urging me to talk to my doctor about the stuff I've told her. I finally did after some time, and now my doctor wants to prescribe Zoloft, or some shit. The idea of the pills are terrifying, what happens if I stop taking it or something, say years down the road?[/QUOTE] Anti depressants often have a long term effect on the brain,so I wouldn't be too worried for when you quit. being heavily depressed for long periods of times shrinks the hippocampus which is responsible for emotions and attention if I remember correctly. anti depressants often promote growth of the hippocampus as well as providing seratonin boost for more short term effect that's my knowledge on the topic, I advise you do some research as well as I may be wrong as I'm writing this from memory

Mr. Sandman is threatening to kill herself. I keep delaying her by going in circles talking to her but I don't know what to say, she seems really determined to end her life. Can anyone please help me, or talk to her, or something? I have no clue what to say.

[QUOTE=Starlight 456;46354005]Mr. Sandman is threatening to kill herself. I keep delaying her by going in circles talking to her but I don't know what to say, she seems really determined to end her life. Can anyone please help me, or talk to her, or something? I have no clue what to say.[/QUOTE] I'll try PMing her on here I suppose, I don't want her to get hurt from personal experience suicide attempts arent fun

[QUOTE=HWECQI;46354071]I'll try PMing her on here I suppose, I don't want her to get hurt from personal experience suicide attempts arent fun[/QUOTE] Thank you. I don't know if I can stop her, she's several states away and i can't drive yet so I can't visit her even.

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;46349430]What do you guys feel about antidepressants? I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, and she kept urging me to talk to my doctor about the stuff I've told her. I finally did after some time, and now my doctor wants to prescribe Zoloft, or some shit. The idea of the pills are terrifying, what happens if I stop taking it or something, say years down the road?[/QUOTE] I take Zoloft and it's helped me gain a lot of stability. You shouldn't have anything to worry about, anti-depressants aren't meant to be for your entire life usually. They help your brain get chemical stability, and after a point you can ween yourself off them. I'm in that latter stage now and I've felt much more stable than I ever thought I would

[QUOTE=JoeSkylynx;46349024]Well... I've pretty much got a roughdraft for my suicide note. If things do not get any better within the next few weeks, I'm probably going to just off myself, and spare my family a mental defect.[/QUOTE] Have you been seeing a doctor about your problems if you haven't already? I don't know your problems so what I write may be completely useless. But suicide is never the answer to your problems. If you need someone to talk to just add me on Steam(goes for everyone).

[QUOTE=Starlight 456;46354094]Thank you. I don't know if I can stop her, she's several states away and i can't drive yet so I can't visit her even.[/QUOTE] I sent her a message, hoping she reads it

[QUOTE=Swebonny;46354154]Have you been seeing a doctor about your problems if you haven't already? I don't know your problems so what I write may be completely useless. But suicide is never the answer to your problems. If you need someone to talk to just add me on Steam(goes for everyone).[/QUOTE] I have been in a psychiatrist since August, and yet they have been just basically surveying me, and not doing anything. My depression is getting worse, and worse and yet they just keep shuffling me through these ridiculous tests.

Guys, keep trying because that's how resilient the human race is. Knocked out ? Roll over and look at the stars. I don't know what's happening but lately I have become too talkative. Started talking with strangers and friends alike. Not worried about anything now. It just feels so good to know about other people. Hearing yourstory. Probably because of what happened a couple of years ago, due to which I created this imaginary bubble around me not letting anyone intrude me. But then this year got a reality check by harsh rejection. I guess that's what actually popped the bubble around me. It takes two negatives to make one positive. Although still I feel depressed at times but not much since I don't let myself alone for long time. Also, playing guitar is becoming a passion for me now. Started making decent progress in chord shifting. Feels good man !

I never thought I would go through this again I was really young when my mom started drinking but now I'm older and it's happening all over again. She got really drunk and swore to stop drinking again after my family flipped out on her. I know she's going to drink again she keeps lieing. I feel like something bad is going to happen eventually

I always feel bad visiting here, trying to put my words into a solid reason as to why, that's also a bit hard to do. I just feel... bad. Saying anything. Letting things out that need to be said. But, here I go, anyway. I'm so sorry... I have been having anxiety attacks left and right recently. All because of an event that happened months ago and I can't bring myself to talk about it fully. Even just [I]thinking[/I] of the word involved is tearing me apart. I can't talk to my family about it. I can't talk to my friends about it. I've only told two people about it, but even then it was just so vague because I didn't want them to worry, but I had feelings I had to let out anyway. I have been having nightmares at least a couple times a month of the event ever since it happened. It's eating away at me and I have no one to turn to in fear that it's gonna cause this huge fuss. I dunno... I just hate making people worry. It's something I'll never be able to forget. And just... Shit, dude. I wish I was strong enough to stand my ground. But I let it happen anyway. All because I was scared and an idiot. I fear going outside to places nearby in fear of running into the other person involved. I can't live my life normally anymore. I'm scared constantly and I don't know what to do anymore. I can never forgive myself. I was an idiot. I've been seeing a psychiatrist as of late and have been put back on Bupropion. I first started at a 150mg dose, no dice. They bumped me up to 300mg and that helped for a short while, but over the past month and a half I've been feeling nothing. Just... Nothing. I've been feeling listless. Deprived of joy. Dysphoric. Even when I do things that used to make me happy, I either don't feel anything or I get stressed for one reason or another. When I'm not feeling anything I always feel like breaking down, and most nights I fall asleep crying. Night time scares me now because of the connection it had to the event that happened earlier in the year, and my dumb mind thinks that what happened in the past is gonna happen again once I fall asleep, even though I'm safe and sound in my own home. That night was traumatizing and no amount of therapy or medication is ever gonna solve it. Just... Get rid of what happened, anyway. Nothing can reverse what happened that night and I hate it. I hate myself for it even though it wasn't my fault. The two people whom I've told this whole thing about to say that they're here with me and I'm not alone in this, but I feel alone. I appreciate that they're there, there's no doubt about it.. But again, with the whole thing feeling listless, I guess. I just feel this huge disconnection between me and others. Between me and life. Lately it's just... I dunno. I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't feel like myself. Which is another sort of vague thing that I can't bring myself to talk about to others because I don't want to scare people off, or have people look at me funny. I hate saying it, but, I don't feel.. Right, with who I am. If I told my family they would flip out. Hell, even I'm not sure if this feeling is real. But I've been feeling it so much lately and I just don't know what to do about it anymore. I just.. I dunno. I keep jumping from point to point, I'm sorry. I dunno.. I guess, all in all, I'm constantly having flashbacks of a night that I fully regret even letting it go that far, I'm always on the verge of feeling nothing in-between feeling scared and sad all the time, and I'm not happy with myself. I'm not happy with who I am. To be honest, some nights I wish I just... Don't wake up. I know that's not right in thinking, but even with how scared I get with those sorts of things that thought grazes my mind now and then, and I can only think "what if." Life is scary, and I feel so alone in it. I'm an absolute wreck and I feel like there's nothing I can do about it anymore. I'm so scared.

honestly getting sick of my depression making me lazy and fucking useless. I'm gonna try to see a therapist to see if I can get anywhere with fixing this.

I've been thinking about seeing a therapist myself too for awhile now. I just find it very difficult to talk about my feelings especially to a stranger

Going to try and keep this short, but: Ever since I've come to university for my second year I generally feel like people don't like me on top of feeling like I'm not a very nice person. Even though I've actively tried changing myself in the past year, I feel like what I've changed into wasn't what I wanted - now I just feel like an unlikeable cunt and I don't like it. I'm also worried about uni work, thinking that I'll amount to nothing, I just feel like giving up sometimes too. I drop in and out of these feelings from time to time, sometimes I'll feel exceedingly pumped up, others I'll be completely and utterly defeated and just want to say "fuck it I give up". I also just feel alone, I'm surrounded by all these amazing people and I just feel like distant from all of them, and I don't know if I'm overthinking or not.

Went to my psych today, and because my sister and mom mentioned my childhood friend Mel, the first question they ask me is if I ever had sex with her... :v: I have made out with her, never had sex with her.

feel down right now but I'm not sure why. I don't have much to vent about, just wish I had someone close. I've been very fixed on that I don't need or want a relationship, but I don't think I'm being honest to myself. miss having someone to feel safe on, want someone close. very sad all of sudden, hopefully I'll be happier after some sleep [editline]30th October 2014[/editline] there goes the tears. I can't remember last time I cried it hurts to think I never had that one close person other than my ex. never had that close friend I did everything with. didn't spend my childhood the way I wanted it to be spent. always inside playing games or watching tv. I remember wanting to be more socisl, but I didn't have the friends. all I got now are a bunch of people I'd consider both bad friends and unreliable friebds. is it true, or am I shifting the problem away from me? I miss my friend I know over the internet. we'd talk so much more before, but now we barely talk. I miss him so much

I got prescribed for Paxil, does anyone have experience with that? Those side effects look terrifying [editline]30th October 2014[/editline] Yup after reading more side effects, I'm shitting myself. I don't know if I have the balls to take this

[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;46372194]I got prescribed for Paxil, does anyone have experience with that? Those side effects look terrifying [editline]30th October 2014[/editline] Yup after reading more side effects, I'm shitting myself. I don't know if I have the balls to take this[/QUOTE] I took it when I was younger, and it was one of the meds that made me drop weight like a brick in water. I lost about twenty pounds on it to say the least.

I'm finding it really hard to continue. No matter what I try to do, I always fuck up somehow, like a really tiny mistake or blunder and it just breaks everything down. Pretty much everyone I know irl either hates me, ignores me, distances away from me, or just generally makes me feel like shit. The people I know online are nice to me, but, I feel like I'm just burdening them with my problems and eventually they'll just want to stop putting up with me too. I just feel helpless at everything I try to do, and I keep falling for people who turn out to either be in relationships or be interested in other people/not me. I feel like just giving up entirely at this point but I'm too cowardly to off myself. At this point I don't even like venting like this anymore, I just want comfort and I guess I want attention. Idk I like having close people who can convince me it's going to be okay but I don't have a lot of those people anymore.

Fuck me. I added Oregano Oil to my anti-fungal mix and the die-off reaction I'm getting is insane. I'm gonna have to reduce my dosage or something, because this stuff is too strong. [editline]31st October 2014[/editline] Really doesn't help that when it happens my mood just drops like a rock. Not keeping me motivated to push forward with it.

Everyone was supposed to get out and celebrate a classmate in my hometown. I had to go to work first, but I said I would meet up with them afterwards. When I was finished at work, I got a snap from one of the people there and I asked what pub they were at. No answer. Called my other two friends. No answer. Waited for like 2 hours and I finally got an answer, that they were in another town. Everyone except me, and no one told me. I ended up celebrating myself, I really wanted to celebrate that I've been "therapist-free" for a year. So I started drinking and smoking by myself, before I got on the bus home and cried myself to sleep. Talked to my friends, they didn't really care that I wasn't there. Thought I was getting better, but I just realized no one cares about me.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;46379537]Everyone was supposed to get out and celebrate a classmate in my hometown. I had to go to work first, but I said I would meet up with them afterwards. When I was finished at work, I got a snap from one of the people there and I asked what pub they were at. No answer. Called my other two friends. No answer. Waited for like 2 hours and I finally got an answer, that they were in another town. Everyone except me, and no one told me. I ended up celebrating myself, I really wanted to celebrate that I've been "therapist-free" for a year. So I started drinking and smoking by myself, before I got on the bus home and cried myself to sleep. Talked to my friends, they didn't really care that I wasn't there. Thought I was getting better, but I just realized no one cares about me.[/QUOTE] Get new friends, full stop.

-snip-

I said something to a friend earlier that was unintentionally offensive and got "I want you to die" as a reply. Fucking hurts, as hyperbolic as it may be.

[QUOTE=gk99;46389340]I said something to a friend earlier that was unintentionally offensive and got "I want you to die" as a reply. Fucking hurts, as hyperbolic as it may be.[/QUOTE] Wow I did the exact same thing a while ago to a friend.

ran out of my anti-depressants and the withdrawal from them is one of the worst feelings i've had the displeasure of feeling. sore all over, dizzy all the time, super irritable, i feel uncomfortable in any position i sit or stand in, and im feeling more depressed than ever but that's not just the fault of not having my meds

Is it normal to be bored out of my mind? Constantly? I was planning on biking into town and looking for shit to do but that's pretty well impossible now thanks to these fucking first-of-November snowstorms. My life just feels so goddamn empty right now and I don't really know what to do about it.