Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

If this potential apprenticeship falls under i'm gonna fall so badly back into depression again, it's the only thing keeping my hopes up right now.

Next week is going to suck and be hard for me to adjust, my fianceé will be going home after 7 weeks of being here, it's going to take ages to be used to her not being around after so long, and I'm probably going to slump into a bit of a depressive state, moreso than normal.

Sorry venting so often, but I'm really sad now. My bestfriend (the girl I've been talking so much about in here) is moving away from me due to other friends that do the same stuff as her in music. To put it bluntly, they are better then me, and they play the right instrument. (Vocals, guitar/bass, piano and drums) I'm on the like drums, but they already have a good one, I'm pretty decent on singing but they don't need anyone. So most of the time when they are "working", I'm all alone and have nothing to do. I know someone in this thread told me to get new friends, but I literally can't stop it. I still want to work with her and even maybe live with her, (the love thing never went away, I've just been trying to hide it and kill it by myself) because there is something about her that draws me towards her. Problem is, if we don't talk that much, I get frustrated and get even more isolated from her due to myself. I really just don't know what to do, I've been trying to be nice and such, but all I ever get now is "Thanks", and then she just wanders off. They are even going to a concert (which got sold out here in my town), so they are going to roadtrip to another town to see her. I'm fine with that, but I was supposed to be on the concert to. And they didn't invite me or even ask if I was going to be there. I feel like they are freezing me out completely, but I'm too tired to care. I just don't give a fuck myself anymore... Also one thing that's been bugging me to insanity is one guy, that thinks I'm his bestfriend. Due to a musical and the fact that we play the same instrument, means he has much contact with me. And I'm trying to rely on a friendship with others, and he blurts in with shit I don't care about. (Like he went to eat at a Steakhouse, that he is going to play WoW for 9 hours straight.) Also he is pretty weird, and he recently got a girlfriend. I think I'm a 100% jealous that guy, got a girlfriend. I'm probably mental, bu I just want to hang with people that care. [sp]Also I tried to drink myself drunk or worse but I never reached that part and cried myself to sleep. And I'm having a group presentation with the girl that fucked me over and I'm breaking more and more because of it and school and work is ramping up towards Christmas. And another one of my friends and I got into a fight where it ended up with us departing for the whole weekend, leaving me in a bad shape. [/sp] Tl.Dr - I'm lost, don't know what to do with my life and I feel like dying isn't an issue at this point...

Torjuz, we have a lot in common right now, at least with the love life part. The girl I love does anything in her power to avoid me even though we've been friends for a while. If I try not to talk to her she will message me some time later and get upset if I don't reply. Having said that, she still makes it obvious that she doesn't care. She means the world to me and I know I'll never have her. All I can try to do at this point is wait for a reasonable time to hang out with her and express the way I feel as in depth as possible. Even though I know she's going to reject me, again, it's all I can do in an effort to regret as little as possible, though I will regret everything up to that point anyways.

Had a bit of a breakdown today in front of my parents. My father did something I didn't agree with, I pointed out how fucked up that was and he couldn't see where I was coming from and it just blew my mind. I started listing a bunch of things that they do that's morally wrong. At the end he realised his mistake and apparantly we're going to see a family councilor together.

[QUOTE=I Am Dumb;46516484]Torjuz, we have a lot in common right now, at least with the love life part. The girl I love does anything in her power to avoid me even though we've been friends for a while. If I try not to talk to her she will message me some time later and get upset if I don't reply. Having said that, she still makes it obvious that she doesn't care. She means the world to me and I know I'll never have her. All I can try to do at this point is wait for a reasonable time to hang out with her and express the way I feel as in depth as possible. Even though I know she's going to reject me, again, it's all I can do in an effort to regret as little as possible, though I will regret everything up to that point anyways.[/QUOTE] She doesn't avoid me, but I have no reason to talk to her anymore, because we never talk or hang out.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;46517426]She doesn't avoid me, but I have no reason to talk to her anymore, because we never talk or hang out.[/QUOTE] as hard as it may be, I think it's better to cut ties completely. I'm in a similar situation with the girl who lives at the ward, and luckily for me, she felt the same and did the jump herself so I didn't have to. it hurts, but I'm sure it'll be better in the long run to do it like we do now. have some past experience with this as well (several years ago) which I kept clinging onto, but was never happy about it due to it not going to workout, no matter what. after we cut ties, I got much better. I'm sure the same will be the case for you!

Anyone used citalopram? It's just been prescribed to me and so I'm wondering what others experiences of it are

yeah i'm on 30 mg/24 hr. don't ever take it before bed, take it when you wake up, or you might experience insomnia. it'll also play around with your appetite when you adjust to it.

[QUOTE=RobbL;46519341]Anyone used citalopram? It's just been perscribed to me and so I'm wondering what others experiences of it are[/QUOTE] Yes, I have for almost 1 year now. The first weeks are horrible, but you'll feel better after a while. Just don't stop taking them, but you should take them while getting evaluated from a psychologist.

I've been put on a month of 10mg as a trial so hopefully the side effects are minimum

[QUOTE=Torjuz;46516466]-words- Tl.Dr - I'm lost, don't know what to do with my life and I feel like dying isn't an issue at this point...[/QUOTE] You really need to find another group, man. If you like drums n shit that much then don't let that go to waste, don't let other people dictate (in this case indirectly) how your social life works. Shit you already have something you like to do, if a group is full then get onto another one. Maybe you'll find a better girl there, who knows. I take it you're still young like me, right? If so then don't make such a self-destructive deal out of it, it ain't easy but you need to move on. I know this shit is hard to say and harder to hear but I'll be blunt, if they don't care about you then you have no right to suffer because of it - and as much as everyone would like to believe otherwise, they aren't inherently at fault; I'm not saying it's your fault either, but NOT antagonizing your peers is a good attitude to make friends (I'm not saying that you or anyone did this! I'm just advising you and others not to do it, since it CAN happen) About the girlfriend thing, man I've never had a girlfriend and my immense anxiety for romance broke me before, but at this point I stopped giving it that much importance. Of course I still care, I give many fucks about it, but right now I have the present and the future to take care of. I need to become a man first! :v: Now, your case is very different, it seems to be about rejection from what you've said, and as I've said before, perhaps finding a new group will help you on that aspect. Remember that human socialization isn't confined to one single company, iirc the brain can know hundreds of people at once. So ye go for it, spread some spirit into your life bro! Idk if my advice is any good but I seriously thought I had to say something. It just breaks my heart to see people not being happy just because they feel like their options are limited. But, the world isn't all bad, proof of this is how in itself it has so many opportunities to explore and things to do.

I have many different "friends", but they don't know that when I need someone, I need them really bad. It's not that they don't care, they just don't know how I'm feeling or having it. (And I'm way to scared to tell anyone about how I feel now.)

[QUOTE=Torjuz;46520907](And I'm way to scared to tell anyone about how I feel now.)[/QUOTE] Well, you've already given us an introduction, so that's one boulder out of the way. Next step: You need to get over that fear and talk to someone right god damn now. We don't know you that well, you should talk to someone you're close to (like a friend) so they can give you proper advice. If you're ever broken don't indulge into the idea that you're giving others trouble because of it. If you need help - GO ASK FOR IT. Men were made to help each other, or else we'd never have anything done.

[QUOTE=Torjuz;46520907]I have many different "friends", but they don't know that [B]when I need someone, I need them really bad[/B]. It's not that they don't care, they just don't know how I'm feeling or having it. (And I'm way to scared to tell anyone about how I feel now.)[/QUOTE] That's really dangerous.

Kalan Yamato, last time I told anyone how I felt I was ruined and totally fucked over. And the second time I ended up digging my bestfriend down. I don't have time at this point, and no one else has. And a therapist doesn't really care about me. (Also I have a phobia for them, gets shivers when I see the guy I had to meet up with.) Today was a really good day, same for yesterday. I'm feeling good, and actually enjoying being with "my friends". Were out to eat dinner and played music together with eachother in a musical.

citalopram chronicles: day one feel floaty. like my legs are anti-gravity tentacles. but not anti gravity testicles. that would be weird. part 2 coming soon

Having no friends and being unwell mentally are a terrible combination as the holidays approach :(

Long story short, I tried to kill myself a few times recently and today I ended up with a doctor talking about the vague outline of kind of, what's been wrong and stuff. Following that, I ended up in this clinic for crisis assessments and stuff, I'm assuming because I was at threat of suicide. The lady who came to the reception was absolutely lovely and all, but the assessor himself just seemed off and I can't tell if it's normal or if it's just this guy. He was asking me questions and I threw it on the table pretty early that I like to smoke weed just to get everything out there and make sure I hadn't missed anything, because I really do want to go back to enjoying video games and whatever else I used to enjoy. This guy gave these long stares, even when it was clear that I was done talking, with this look on his face as if I'd just spoke ill of the dead or something. My parents were waiting in the other room, as I'm 17 and I had to be 18 to go in to the full-adult section of the treatment process, so I'm still on the adolescent thing. He gets us all in a room and with no verbal filter just drops the whole 'tried to strangle yourself to death with a belt' thing, quite evidently making my father uncomfortable, who hadn't been clued in as much as I don't live with him. I just felt like a weasel after talking to this guy, I felt rude for some reason, but I don't even know why. I just felt ridiculously uncomfortable and I expected somebody more supportive who wouldn't remain steely-faced like that. He seemed focused on the fact that it was later in the day as well and he seemed keen to get off of work. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is because I want to know, am I misreading this or is this normal? My parents felt uncomfortable as a result as well and they're doubting whether he's the right man for this. Thanks, to anyone who can provide insight :)

Well I just came to the conclusion that my parents are shit at parenting. I came to the conclusion after about 30 minutes of reflecting on how they raised me. I've always just said "I don't know, you're the only parents I've had and I have nothing to compare it to" when they ask if they're shit parents. My mother is just fucking retarded. Tries to raise my as a catholic when she's an awful catholic herself, have up halfway through and left me confused and misguided. My father was just an ass. Never taught me what was truely right or wrong. Basically his word was law and I didn't understand why it was law. I would ask why and he would say "because I said so" instead of explaining it to me. Fucking insane enough, facepunch taught me right from wrong when I joined at the age of 12. They were both overprotective. They wouldn't let me go places outside my house that wasn't 2 blocks away when I was in my teens. There was literally nothing to do except play basketball (they forced me to get into basketball, I'll get to that later) or play hockey. So I basically played videogames as an escape from their bullshit and it was the only thing to do. They were also threatening. They threatened to take away shit, they threatened longer curfews, threatened violence sometimes. Anything that I did that they didn't like resulted in punishment or threats. They would never explain why it's wrong to do x. So I pretty much lived in fear that I might do something (and I didn't know what) to piss them off. So I was basically on a leash and did everything they asked without asking "why". I brought this up a few years ago and they thought it was the right thing to do. For fuck sakes, they even made me get into basketball because that's the only fucking time they praised me, when playing basketball. They forced me to succeed in he worst possible way. They get pissed when I get anything below a C- (or a 2/4 in elementary school), even if it's a subject I struggle with. I had to convince them to fuck off about it after telling him how trash their system is when I was in 9th grade. Instead of helping me get better, they just punished me. Now today, It feels like they're trying to make it up or something. My father is trying too hard when it comes for me to like him. He basically helps me wipe my fucking ass via doing shit i should be doing myself (cleaning up desk, making my own fucking bed) when I made it clear I can do that myself. He sometimes gets pissed at me when he does it when he doesn't fucking have to. It makes me feel like shit. I know there are worse parents out there, but things could've been so much better. [editline]21st November 2014[/editline] Sorry if there are a lot of confusing sentences in my post, it's 2AM and I can't sleep.

I've most likely scored a job! if everything goes smoothly, I expect to begin working in two weeks! it'll only be two days a week to begin with, but I'll most likely extend that once I feel more comfortable with it. gonna be working with general maintenance with some other guys which includes pretty much anything that needs to be maintained in a district. mowing public spaces, painting, fixing stuff, building stuff, etc. gonna be great to have something to do and meet new people. most importantly, money and physical work! I'm hoping the work I'll have to do while working will cover my much needed daily exercise. maybe I'll lose some pounds doing this. [editline]21st November 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=geogzm;46534458]Long story short, I tried to kill myself a few times recently and today I ended up with a doctor talking about the vague outline of kind of, what's been wrong and stuff. Following that, I ended up in this clinic for crisis assessments and stuff, I'm assuming because I was at threat of suicide. The lady who came to the reception was absolutely lovely and all, but the assessor himself just seemed off and I can't tell if it's normal or if it's just this guy. He was asking me questions and I threw it on the table pretty early that I like to smoke weed just to get everything out there and make sure I hadn't missed anything, because I really do want to go back to enjoying video games and whatever else I used to enjoy. This guy gave these long stares, even when it was clear that I was done talking, with this look on his face as if I'd just spoke ill of the dead or something. My parents were waiting in the other room, as I'm 17 and I had to be 18 to go in to the full-adult section of the treatment process, so I'm still on the adolescent thing. He gets us all in a room and with no verbal filter just drops the whole 'tried to strangle yourself to death with a belt' thing, quite evidently making my father uncomfortable, who hadn't been clued in as much as I don't live with him. I just felt like a weasel after talking to this guy, I felt rude for some reason, but I don't even know why. I just felt ridiculously uncomfortable and I expected somebody more supportive who wouldn't remain steely-faced like that. He seemed focused on the fact that it was later in the day as well and he seemed keen to get off of work. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is because I want to know, am I misreading this or is this normal? My parents felt uncomfortable as a result as well and they're doubting whether he's the right man for this. Thanks, to anyone who can provide insight :)[/QUOTE] there are both good and bad shrinks depending on what kind of person you are. I remember my first one (who I luckily didn't go to for very long before being moved to another) and I felt incredibly uncomfortable around him. he was full of energy, had a childish attitude and was very overwhelming to be with. he seemed nice, but to me he wasn't much "shrink material". by the sound of it, you haven't been to one before, so you might just be uncomfortable about the entire situation to begin with? either way, if I were you and I felt the same, I'd try to get a new one assigned.

^^ getting a new one assigned, i tried to provide the most unbiased account possible to a few people and the consensus seemed to be to change

[QUOTE=RobbL;46529169]citalopram chronicles: day one feel floaty. like my legs are anti-gravity tentacles. but not anti gravity testicles. that would be weird. part 2 coming soon[/QUOTE] Hope you like having the shits for 1-2 weeks. Sucks major ass. Edit: In other news. Even if I surround myself with good friends, play in 5 bands, go to school and doing good, I still feel lonely. Like crippling loneliness, especially the few times I'm alone in my room doing homework or relaxing. It's an empty black hole inside myself, and I've been getting suicidal thoughts everyday now. I probably need to tell my shrink. Still got a tray of Sobril/benzos in my room, and it would prob be enough for a quiet floaty death. Need to finish my group-assignments first though. Edit edit: Feelin' a bit better. danger is over for now.

[QUOTE=Thaard;46543786]Hope you like having the shits for 1-2 weeks. Sucks major ass. [/QUOTE] 3rd day now, and apart from a little tiredness and a miniscule hit to my appetite, I feel relatively normal. Hopefully this means it's gonna work the way it's intended? Sorry to hear that you didn't have a good experience with the stuff

[QUOTE=geogzm;46543241]^^ getting a new one assigned, i tried to provide the most unbiased account possible to a few people and the consensus seemed to be to change[/QUOTE] That's good you did, if you don't find the right shrink it can do more bad than good for ya Hope you feel better soon!

I just declined going out to eat with my family because and only because I'm afraid that, if I go out, I'll see someone I recognize. This is absolutely stupid.

I had a therapist a few years ago who was really obnoxious. I went for one session and never returned.

Pretty sure my mom drank tonight it never ends

[QUOTE=Crpto2007;46550875]I had a therapist a few years ago who was really obnoxious. I went for one session and never returned.[/QUOTE] Obnoxious therapists are the absolute worst. I had one that actually helped me out a few years back, but after a while he began to slip and started treating my problems as if he wasn't being paid to help. Eventually, it go to the point where he actually began to laugh at me, and at that point I just walked out of his office. I don't think I've been to therapy since, I don't think I can trust it after that...

my primary antidepressant (Effexor) greatly suppresses my sex drive, so when i was off of it after failing to notice that my refill at CVS needed extra authorization, i masturbated like 9 times in two days