Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

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Been up for 18 hours and can't fucking sleep. Too depressed to do it. My head feels like it's ready to cave in at any moment. I really wish I could stop whining about my stupid problems and be happy that someone else is happy. I don't even know what the fuck I'm even talking about half the time anymore. [editline]24th November 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=zese;46559553]Wowee, got kicked out of home because I failed to go to somekind of a conscription check-up and now my mom is saying that I have schizophrenia and that she is going to send the police after me for some reason. Sure is nice having a crazy mother.. I was just about done with vocational school as well but she ruined it by throwing me out. Luckily I have a friend that told me that it's fine if I bunk out at his place for a while. Doesn't seem right being here though since he has a girlfriend and all, I feel like I'm just complicating their relationship and eating their fridge empty.. :v: I feel like my head is about to pop because of this situation, everything just feels so surreal and fucked up.. I'm not even able to sleep at night and when I finally fall asleep I sleep through the day. I wonder for how much longer is my friend going to be able to stare me in this state before he throws me out.. To be honest, I have no idea for how much longer am I going to be able to live like this before I just throw in the towel.[/QUOTE] If I had a house on my own, I'd let you stay. My love life is non-existent, so the only thing you'd have to worry about is me practicing my guitar pretty loudly :v: There's no way I could live alone and not go insane anyway.

Feel like shit today. 5PM, Here I am in my housecoat programming/creating shit all for nothing, it feels like. Maybe that idiot in my visitor messages was right idk

[QUOTE=DChapsfield;46559288]my primary antidepressant (Effexor) greatly suppresses my sex drive, so when i was off of it after failing to notice that my refill at CVS needed extra authorization, i masturbated like 9 times in two days[/QUOTE] Placebo, they don't act that fast. They also don't affect your sex drive so much, they affect getting erect more.

[QUOTE=Roll_Program;46566476]Placebo, they don't act that fast. They also don't affect your sex drive so much, they affect getting erect more.[/QUOTE] Then it may have been one of the other medications in my cocktail of a regimen, because it's quite reliable

Just gotten home a few days ago from seeing my fiance (RayvenQ) and as much as I'm happy, I'm a bit anxious about being back home; the place I don't want to be and where my depression started etc. Not to mention that my shoulders, arms and hips absolutely KILL from the travel, still! Oh well.... Roll on February when we will next see each other! :dance:

I've been told that writing helps [QUOTE]Every day I see happy people all around me All sappy and kissing and completely full of glee Even though I don’t stalk I still find myself crying Because when I talk to girls they seem to be lying I don’t even know what to do or what to say And probably sometimes they think that I am gay I don’t really care much about sex or stuff like that All I want to do is sit down and cuddle on a mat Every time I see other people kissing on TV I tend to break down and get up and flee But the thing I care about the most on the spot Is just the idea that someone else loves me a lot[/QUOTE]

Man what do I even do with my life. I'm currently unfit for a job and I can't go to uni until September.

Missed the last week of school because I just hate still being in high school when I should be done. I've just been sleeping in and smoking weed all day pretty much every day since last friday. I dont feel like going back to the other side of the city and seeing my ex, or dealing with stupid highschool shit. I feel like I have no friends anymore, I cant talk to anyone anymore it seems

A brief and honest foreword: most of this post is just me venting shit about my life. But an outlet for venting is something I’m lacking. I’ll explain why further down. But if you don’t care for or have the time to read some dude’s sad post about being depressed and having problems, I invite you to press the back button without guilt, you’ve got no obligation. It’s a [B]big[/B] wall of text, so I understand. Most people don’t want to hear about this kind of shit, I get that and I can’t blame anyone for it. My friends and family seem to have a hard time understanding my mindset and my intentions. It has been the case for years, and it’s really distressing. I have a small family and small, but close circle of friends that I’ve had for many years and I value them beyond words, so when they misunderstand me and the way that I am, it hurts. A lot! Sometimes they assume the worst, and it makes me concerned about who they think I am… like I’m this cold, distant, bitter person. And I know I’m that, but I know there’s warmth in me too. I’m being vague, but I’ll fill in the details over the course of this post. I want to be a better person, but whenever I try talking about these things with friends, it just seems to push them away and that’s the last thing I want. So I’ve turned to Facepunch… and yes, I see the irony in that, but I’m desperate. Please hear me out, I need this. First, a little about myself. I like to be alone for extended periods of time but I also value the time I spend with friends and family. I don’t care to be by myself for too long, just as I don’t enjoy being around others for too long either. I do try to find a good balance, though I probably end up spending more time by myself than around people. I struggle with depression and I find it easier to cope if I’m alone, believe it or not – solitary meditation always helps. Lying down and reading a book helps. Playing videogames, noodling around on my guitar, listening to music while doing chores – these are the things I do to make myself feel better. They’re great distractions and tools I use to quiet my mind and coalesce my otherwise chaotic thoughts. Talking about my depression hasn’t helped me, so I deal with it on my own. Bringing it up with friends just pushes them away and I don’t want that. Bringing it up with family makes them overly concerned and anxious, and that only doubles my own concern and anxiety… but I digress. I do value my social life, but my self-image contributes a lot to my depression, and in social situations I tend to be pretty concerned about how I am received. When I interact with people, I try to avoid unnecessary conflict. Don’t misunderstand, I fight my battles when I need to, but if I won’t be better off for having an argument or dispute with someone, then I simply won’t bother. I think it’s a waste of time and energy, and it isn’t worth it to get heated and angry unless I’m defending someone else. When it comes to sensitive topics like politics and religion, I value peace over being “right,” especially with my family. Aside from that, in group situations, it often happens that at the moment I start to speak, someone else does, so I let them speak instead… nobody notices I wanted to say something, and subsequently, the conversation moves forward and I lose the chance to say what I wanted, but I let it pass. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it isn’t worth interrupting the other person, because it just makes me look pissy and I don’t want that. Peace and letting things pass is more important. But sometimes these conversations continue to proceed like I’m not there, and I don’t get the chance to jump in. Then, someone will ask and wonder why I’m “being quiet and not saying anything.” Well, it’s because I’ve been trying to let other people talk, and groping for an opportunity to speak without interrupting someone that just doesn’t come… and now I find myself in the hot seat. Suddenly I have to explain myself. Suddenly all eyes in the room are on me, when moments earlier there were none. All this time, I’ve just been trying to be patient, waiting for the right moment to jump into the conversation, and now I look like I’m not interested in my friends and what they were talking about. The next words to come from my mouth suddenly have far more importance than they did before. My mind races. No way I’ll tell them what’s going on in my mind at that point… I’d just look like I’m victimizing myself, or like I feel sorry for myself, or like I’m pissy, and I don’t want that. So I make something up… “well, I guess I’m just tired, sorry guys.” Or whatever. I don’t like having to explain myself, it just never goes right. Too much opportunity to seem like an asshole in front of people I care a lot about. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, I guess. I end up looking like a fool, anyway. If I wasn’t so concerned about my image this probably wouldn’t be an issue, but self-image is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember… Even when I was very young, and playing in my room, if someone came in I’d stop playing because I didn’t want to seem childish. I felt guilty for playing with my toys. I felt like I’d be judged negatively by my own damn family. I was just a kid, why did I think like that then? Why was I so concerned about my self-image, even when I was so young? It’s not something a child should have been concerned with… I grew up too fast or something. Well, these are questions only an expensive psychologist could answer, and I don’t have the money for that. And I certainly won’t burden my parents with another big expense… I think I burden them enough as it is. I live in their home and on their dollar, like a leech. They tell me that all I should do to pay them back is earn good grades in university and try to become successful in life, bless their hearts. And I’m doing well in university… I’m a biochemistry major, two years in, and so far I’ve been setting the curves for my classes… school is expensive, though, and I try to pursue opportunities to lessen the expenses. I receive financial aid every year and this quarter I was awarded a scholarship. But I still feel like a burden on my parents, and it’s a feeling that probably won’t pass until I’m supporting myself. A little more about my relationship with my parents… My mom and dad have daily political discussions which become very loud , heated, and absurdly drawn out, even if they agree with each other, and I deliberately avoid these discussions because of that. I don’t like to be around my parents when they get like this, and they know it, but they try to drag me into these conversations anyway. They assume that when I get quiet, fidgety, and uncomfortable, it’s because I disagree with them – which isn’t always the case, but they believe it is. Sometimes I agree completely with their point of view, but because I don’t want to get trapped shouting about politics for three hours, I try not to say very much. So they think we’re at odds when we aren’t. I’ve tried telling them I don’t like talking about politics with them, I stress the point that it’s not because I disagree with them, and they just don’t get it. They really think it’s because I don’t like their points of view, and they get angry and hurt over it, sometimes sulking about it for [I]hours[/I]. They’ll raise questions about how I was raised, and how my elder siblings were raised… all over politics! And when they bring my brother and sister under fire like that, I can’t help but get angry and come to their defense, which just creates more dispute. Well, fine. It’s just how they are, and I’ve accepted that I can’t change that, but it’s still disappointing and hurtful. I love my parents… they gave me life, they support me, they take care of me, but they seem to have this wrong perception of how I and my siblings feel about them, and I wish they weren’t so difficult. When I’ve had a hard day, I’d like to look forward to getting home and enjoying some peace and quiet. I want my home to be my sanctuary from life’s struggles. At home I meditate, I make tea, I sit down to read a book, I study chemistry, I play singleplayer videogames, I noodle around on my guitar, I smoke weed discreetly… I do whatever I need to do to settle down and enjoy the respite from challenging classes, difficult social situations, and my own depression and anxiety. Even doing chores and contributing around the house is a nice distraction, and I like to do these things even though they can be a pain in the ass, because at least they make me feel like I’m earning more of my keep at home. I remind you that I cope best with my depression when I'm by myself. But I can’t always find sanctuary at home, especially when I need it most and I’m at my lowest, because of the difficulty with my parents. And why don’t I talk seriously to my parents about my depression and my anxiety? Because in the past, trying to bring these things up with them just led to statements like, “trust in the Lord, son,” which obviously didn’t help. It made me realize they were passing responsibility for simply talking things out with me onto their God, in whom I don’t believe. I’m not an atheist, but “trusting in the Lord” didn’t help me when I was feeling down about myself. All it accomplished was destroying my faith in God and my faith in my parents to help me with my personal problems. I’m a spiritual person now, and I incorporate different aspects of many religions into my beliefs, but again, I digress. If I pressed the matter with my parents about feeling shitty, they started worrying excessively that I wasn’t “normal,” which just made me feel shittier. They want a “normal” son… so that is the mask I put on. I want to give them what they want… I owe them that much, even if it means I have to pretend to be happy and okay. So, I stopped trying to talk out my problems with them. I talk about my problems with my brother and sister occasionally, but I love them to death, and I hate bringing them down and seeming unhappy, especially since I live a rather privileged existence compared to others in the world. I’m well-fed, I have a nice house, I have a car, I’m decently attractive and I’m on track for a degree in just a couple short years. But it just isn’t enough to combat my depression. I’m my own worst critic and I put myself down so much more than I should. It really helps to talk about these things, to get them off my chest. So if you read this far, thanks so much, I appreciate you. If you have any advice or suggestions I’d love to hear them, even if you want to be straight up and tell me that I really am just cold and bitter and victimizing myself. Honesty is good. But don’t tell me to get help, because help is expensive, and I [I]can’t afford it[/I]. I’m not about to put myself on antidepressants, either, I already consume marijuana and the occasional psychedelic and that’s enough drugs for me to feel okay, but it’s not a cure. All I really need is to vent and get outside perspectives on my life.

Hahaha, so it seems as if I've never left for a few months after all. Not surprising, really. My friend (Now ex-friend) was waiting for me at the train station when I arrived this week. He claimed that he had been waiting for 3 hours, which is pretty weird considering I never told him what time I would be back. We had a pleasant, brief conversation before my best friend turned up. Then when I got home my mum started raging at me that "she knew I planned on meeting him" when I didn't, and then threatened to tell my fiance "and everyone else" that I was sleeping with him the moment I got back :v: Sick and tired of being accused by my own family of absolute bullshit I would never do, but at the end of the day I just laugh that they don't know the truth, and me and my fiance do.

[QUOTE=Fort83;46593127]So I got laid off, without warning on the day i was to get benefits. A few other guys did too. When i asked why, all they said was "it wasn't the right fit" and said the same thing to the other guys. They refused to give us an actual reason why we were getting laid off. Found out they've been doing this a lot, since they do not have a shortage of people applying they hire people, have them stay for 3 months working their asses off, then let them go so they don't have to pay benefits. They cycle through employees. Causing all kinds of anxiety.[/QUOTE] There is no way that is legal. Can't you report them somehow?

[QUOTE=meek;46597180]There is no way that is legal. Can't you report them somehow?[/QUOTE] Depends on the Company. Walmart does this all the time. They lay off employees before they're unionized or receive benefits.

I'm still pretty troubled over my sexual past. It's been idk how long but it pisses me off that I used to do some pretty autistic shit. Like pretty much right now I feel pretty fucking pathetic about my sexual interests to the point where I just cry myself to sleep knowing that no one gives a shit about solving mental health. [editline]29th November 2014[/editline] Most people here thinks that's also fucking hilarious that I have these mental issues. Makes it worse knowing that I actually care what people think of me on an Internet forum. It just tells me how bad the issue is.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;46598931]I'm still pretty troubled over my sexual past. It's been idk how long but it pisses me off that I used to do some pretty autistic shit. Like pretty much right now I feel pretty fucking pathetic about my sexual interests to the point where I just cry myself to sleep knowing that no one gives a shit about solving mental health. [editline]29th November 2014[/editline] Most people here thinks that's also fucking hilarious that I have these mental issues. Makes it worse knowing that I actually care what people think of me on an Internet forum. It just tells me how bad the issue is.[/QUOTE] Man, if this is because of what I said, then I'm extremely sorry. You shouldn't beat yourself up over your "interests", I simply got tired of you being so judgmental. If you mean what I think you mean with your "Interests", I really fail to see what the problem is. You like/liked something ~different~, that's also completely harmless. You seem to have turned it into a problem yourself, by telling yourself that it somehow makes you pathetic. Just relax, it's fine

Unless you were jerking it outside a playground or chasing pigs around a farm i dont really see a problem with having some different sexual interests.

been feeling very empty today. exhausted for no reason, very tired. yet again I bring it up, and I'm not sure if I'm content with what a normal life is. everything goes by so slowly, there's not enough progress in my life. so much empty space that I fail to keep occupied. drives me insane. right now I'm just waiting for january to come as I'll begin working then. I signed the papers, so at least I've secured the job but there's still a lot of waiting. I need something to do. I don't know what. I keep pondering on "what's the meaning of life". can't find an answer, that too drives me nuts. don't see much reason to stick around, but feels wrong to opt out. too many if's. what I consider a good life is outside of my reach, no one lives life in the way I consider a good life. miss having someone close, someone to rely on. feel stuck, not enough social opportunities.

Had a pretty amazing week, but now I'm kinda back in my hole. I was at a "Julebord" on Saturday ater I finished playing at our musical,(That's the norwegian term for partying and eating food with your employers) and of the girls I work with told me that if we didn't work together she would probably ask me out. Gave me a boost in actually working out again, because someone actually told me I was "boyfriend material". Then I hung out with the "girl" I loved on monday. I figured I'm still admiring her, I ended up being her a vinyl for her birthday. Little did I know, but she then invited me to her home with our friends and we celebrated her 18th birthday with wine, beer, champagne and whiskey. We played good music and just hung out, all of her and my bestfriends that actually didn't betray me. (They did, but they didn't know about it at all. I wrote about it a little while back.) On Wednesday we again hung out and worked on a "test thesis" in the subject "Music in perspective" which is about music history and society influenced by music. On Thursday it was a little dull. We (me, her and her bestfriends) hung out with our friend from Germany that was our classmate last year. (She was in Norway to see our musical) It was tons of fun, and we decided to go to a bar later that evening. Problem is, that her bestfriends decided to go to the cinema to watch a movie. Fair enough, so me and her splitted up to go home. I went out to the bar and found out that they had called her to go to the cinema, and nothing about me was mentioned. I already had 4 beers and didn't want to think about it, but one of my "friends" started going on that the movie was amazing, claiming that I HAD to see it. Then I said it pretty directly to him: "Why didn't you guys invite me then?" I ended up getting a pretty confused stare from him and complete silence. He tried to play it of with the "We didn't think you wanted" and so on. The movie had pretty much killed the vibe for going to the bar so I enjoyed myself with a couple of more drinks. Yesterday, all my "friends" apparently went to on of my bestfriends cabins to have the weekend off. I really wish that they didn't forget me. I feel so insecure just to ask if I can join in, I really need someone to invite me. I try to play it in that I want to be a part of the group, but at this point the only one that actually understands it is "her". I'm also feeling a little lonely, due to all the stress around christmas. I just want to "live again". Want to hang out with the people I love to be around. Like I did this week. Now I'm home working on homework and obeying my parents that believe that I'm just a child. And most people don't understand that I want to have a good time. Though I still really miss this week, I'm pretty happy how it turned out to be. After all, the suicide though was pretty intense before this week. Now it's pretty much gone. (For now atleast) [sp]I know this is a stupid post but I seriously miss being outside having fun. I couldn't even sleep properly yesterday, because I missed it so much.[/sp]

[QUOTE=Rixxz2;46599084]Man, if this is because of what I said, then I'm extremely sorry. You shouldn't beat yourself up over your "interests", I simply got tired of you being so judgmental. If you mean what I think you mean with your "Interests", I really fail to see what the problem is. You like/liked something ~different~, that's also completely harmless. You seem to have turned it into a problem yourself, by telling yourself that it somehow makes you pathetic. Just relax, it's fine[/QUOTE] No I went beyond just being an average furry. I was annoying as fuck to my friends, I would show them porn for literally no reason. Idk what my motives were but I did that and it's incredibly stupid. I also kinda became an otherkin at that point. I wished I didn't have this life, and wished that I was an animal or something. I was brainwashed to think that animals had it better than humans. It wasn't an interest, it pretty much controlled my life and I went beyond that. Everyone points it out, it's not just you so don't worry. The thing that made me annoyed is that people still think I'm a furry even though I'm past all that. I'm just scared of asking "Ok how do you know what I'm into or not." The main problem is that people also put me down when I have anything that's related to it, like it even matters. Have a problem about nsfw avatars? "Oh you're only doing it to push your anti-furry agenda because you still are one!" Like how does someone know this or not? It's like I go up to someone and call them a pedophile and they're like "no" and I ask them to prove it when how can they prove it. Have a problem about people shoving their sexual interests in your face? "You used to flaunt it around too!" Like I don't even remember telling people what I'm into on facepunch, I kept it as closeted as possible and only brought it up to my friends or other known furries. Both sides flame me, but the furry side does it more. I feel like I'm the number 1 public enemy of facepunch furries because 90% of people on here who have beef with me are part of the furry fandom. If you don't believe me, look through my visitor messages. Some people even go as far to add me on steam and berate me or just say stupid shit. It even happens outside visitor messages. One friend of mine sent me random furry porn and I was like "ok what are you doing" and started apologizing, telling me his intent was to get a reaction out of me because I was autistic enough to do that. Another even added me on steam and wanted to help me, and I told him to fuck off because we've had unpleasant conversations before. He ended up using autistic as an insult and I called him out for it. Another person seems to stalk me, one usually just says the same bullshit over and over again about how I'm still a furry every time I criticize anything that relates to the fandom (excessive use of nsfw avatars, ect). A time ago someone added me after I had an argument with them about video games, they added me on steam and starting accusing me of stalking them and trying to make him look bad just because he was a furry or some shit. Same guy went on a long rant about how I used to be a furry and I still am one. After that he asked me how my day was and I just told him to fuck off, and I removed him. I was friends with one of his friends, so I asked that one friend "ok what's with this guy" and my friend (even after helping him with his transphobia) said "you're autistic, that's your fault." like is there some sort of hivemind where furries use the word autistic when they see roflburger? Even some guy who called me a sperg for a month and mass spammed me furry group invites realised what the word meant and he was like "oops sorry I didn't know what that word meant"

i honestly don't see anything wrong with being a furry. sure maybe it's an unconventional fetish or whatever and maybe it's a bit odd to some people, but there's no harm in it AT ALL and it doesn't negatively affect anyone. people who give this much shit to a FORMER furry are the ones in the wrong as far as i'm concerned. i think people can be overly hostile towards anyone who's sexual preferences don't perfectly align with their own. people using "austistic" and "sperg" as insults also rubs me the wrong way. i know my words aren't gonna magically make these people leave you alone, just thought i'd share my thoughts on the matter. i really don't think you should beat yourself up over this.

Yeah don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being a furry. It's just that I think it's best for me not to be a part of that.

You and I have butted heads over furry stuff before, but really, harassing the fuck out of someone on their VMs day in and day out because of something they said on a fucking forum is just fucking spastic and stupid. It certainly does no favors for their image. Using autistic as an insult is fucking childish, too. I think the problem is that some people (myself included) have taken it the wrong way and think that you're lumping together the ones who mostly keep it to themselves. Plus, it doesn't help that that kind of stuff tends to draw the wrong type of crowd, namely the people who just want to go around and harass others over this shit. I know that's not your intention. That's just what happens I'm afraid. But really, all of that stuff is in the past. People need to realize that, yes, someone could be terrible now, but there's always a chance that they WILL change. So shunning them forever is really the wrong way to go about anything. The people who think that about you aren't really worth trying to fit in with anyway.

second day of taking prozac in a few weeks or whatever, will I notice anything negative? i remember somebody saying (maybe even on facepunch) that antidepressants made them feel kinda numb in general and i'm just a little concerned about stuff like that not like, worried, more curious because i know that if these things do titter about with me too much i can wean off of them and all

i think it depends on what symptoms you're taking Prozac for. also if you're using the brand or generic Fluoxetine. in general people find antidepressants can flatten their affect sometimes, which makes sense since they're mostly effective mood stabilizers. no pressure to reveal sensitive information <-> we might could tell you more with knowledge of your symptoms.

fluoxetine for depression, although i can share any other info that'd help to figure things out

Does anyone think of stabbing them selves a lot it happens when i get restless

I feel like most of my problems are minor compared to some people in this thread

[QUOTE=Ermac20;46608987]I feel like most of my problems are minor compared to some people in this thread[/QUOTE] Depression is a really personal and subjective experience. If you feel down and it's annoying/making you depressed it's a problem. I have minor problems to compression to others I know, but does that mean my depression isn't worthy to be talked about? Venting about our problems helps for some people, so it's no shame in having "less of a problem then the others".

I have a serious problem with being triggered into depressing moods. I'll see or hear something that reminds me of a past experience I've had and it causes severe sadness and somber feelings anywhere from a few minutes to a week. Can anyone give me some insight onto what this may be and how to best counteract it?

[QUOTE=Handsome Matt;46605455]Just slept for 18 hours - all I want to do is sleep some more.[/QUOTE] I'm sleeping roughly 12 hours but from 5am to 5pm and it's literally the best thing in the world at the minute. I'm over-thinking every social situation, I'm constantly thinking I'm an asshole and on top of that my work isn't as good as I want it to be and it hurts a lot. I just want to get better but I feel like I can't and it sucks so much ass.