Depression, anxiety, suicidalism and similar disorders, issues and troubles V3 - Discussion, help an - General

I really thought I was past my issues, but I guess I'm not. All I can think about right now is getting back after meeting with my social worker, coming down to this empty basement, and hanging myself. I think about it at school, I daydream about cutting myself now, and I feel like there's no fucking point of anything that I'm doing in life anymore. My closest friends live on the other side of the city and seem to not want to talk to me, and the ones I was just getting close with I'm going to have to leave in just over a month. I have nobody to talk to, even my sister won't reply to my texts asking for help and I can't talk to my parents. I don't know how I'm going to finish school. I don't know how I'm ever going to meet someone new. I feel really fucking worthless right now and I think the worst part about it is that I honestly don't feel afraid about dying now, I just feel a giant empty pit in my stomach and I don't want to feel it anymore. I hate being alone like this and I don't know what to do

Shit is starting to get pretty fucked. Already dropped 1 class and I'm about to flunk out of another. Most of my missed classes are because I chose to sleep through them instead of go. There was a change in my medicine dose and its got my head pretty fucked. near constant headaches and confusion. When I walk around in public I can't stop thinkning about how Im invisible (not like literally but more like "nobody notices me, nobody remembers me, nobody cares abou me"). Thiws is p much the worst its been in a while. Also while picking up a prescription, I was informed that even after insurance I had to pay $130 for it, which I couldn't afford so I had to ask my parents for money and lie to them about how school is going. yay

I should at least stop initiating conversation with people. I feel like I'm just a bother and that's probably what it is most of the time.

ah jeez. How do I put this into words even... I seem to only be able to find relief from my depression by being the center of attention, yet I hate being it. It's a weird situation. being the center of something happening seems to haze up my mind with it's details long enough for me to take my mind off things, but the moment it's all said and over with I'm back to where I started, only now I have lingering regrets about what I'd just done. This poison's even spreading into my mind, where I've started having sudden daydream-like "attacks" where my mind vividly decides to imagine me being horribly killed by some manner of awful death (run over by a train, thrown into spikes... Or the one where i'm crushed underfoot by an elephant.). Further, I seem to have accidentally made some kind of lingering god complex, which doesn't help to the whole "i don't like being the center of attention" thing. I just miss the days when I was content to keep all this crap in the darkest parts of my mind and sit in a corner quietly waiting the end. Better that than to constantly be gibbering my mouth saying stupid shit all the time or meddling with weird shit online that only serves to degrade myself. I really wish I could just shut up for once. but I can't. and I hate that. Ugh.

Yesterday my mother recieved some books in the mail. They were books on how to parent. I laughed, but afterward I felt bad for laughing. Kinda too late, I'm 18. My sister is I don't fucking know like 13. Not sure if books will help her. She's got it worse than me. She thinks she was supposed to be born a male (don't yell at me about pronouns, she prefers "she"), and there's something wrong at school. She's been going to school only for 2 hours and now she dropped out completely, she is taking online classes. She was also in an e-relationship with a 21 year old woman ~1 a year ago. Though I feel like I get too much attention from my parents when it should be going to her. Idk when you have a gay ex-hypersexual 18 y/o son with depression and a 13 year old transgendered daughter with serious issues you've fucked up as a parent. No book is ever going to save you.

Got back today from a 4-day music festival with an old friend and his gf which was pretty fun. Very tiring though, and drugs fucking everywhere (didn't take anything higher than weed though, got offered acid numerous times but I just wasn't up for it). Finally get home, getting back into the rhythm of things, relax a little and catch up with my friends. And then about 10 minutes ago my friend has a heart attack. As I was playing TF2 with him. Was begging him to go to the hospital when he complained of arm numbness and chest pains. Thankfully he was with another friend who resuscitated him. Think they're going to the hospital right now. Not exactly what I wanted to come back to. The festival was stressful enough. Now I just really want today to be over.

Fuck my brain, I locked the door! Stop making stupid scenarios to make me scared and full of anxiety. I have other things to worry about now...

[QUOTE=Torjuz;46626453]Fuck my brain, I locked the door! Stop making stupid scenarios to make me scared and full of anxiety. I have other things to worry about now...[/QUOTE] This affects me so badly too. I also will double and triple check if a door is locked, despite knowing it's locked, for no reason. Adding a magnesium supplement helped me with that, might help you as well.

Definitely making the decision NOW to not see any more so-called "mental health professionals" any more. They are not for me and all they do is drag me down even lower than I was before. Got through 4 counselors in 4 pretty short years. Not going through that any more. I don't have the faintest clue what I want, but at least I know what I DON'T want.

I can't stay in this fucking house anymore

About to be scheduled.

I need a reason not to kill myself quick

[QUOTE=lope;46640044]I need a reason not to kill myself quick[/QUOTE] I find the main reasons I've stuck around is family and friends, but there's also things like tv shows and video games that help.

I think this is the most scared I have ever been in my life. I don't know what to do.

I can't do it. How could I possibly do it? All I'm going to do is fail, why should I carry if all I'm going to do is fail? The work isn't at all strong enough, why is everyone else better than me, why can't I just be normal, why is this harder than it's ever been, why do I not want to do this any more? You loved it last year, now you hate it - you hate everything about it, you hate the place you're in, you hate the work, you hate the building, you don't want to be here - so why are you here? There's nothing for you anywhere else - are you going to be like this forever? You're going to go crazy aren't you? Why do I feel lost, why do I want to give up? - I was good at this, why am I not good at it any more? What changed with you? I need help, but nobody understands me. I've never had mental issues like this, why am I having mental issues like this? Everything was fine, now it's terrible, why did you even bother with this semester, you messed everything up, you messed everything up, [I]you messed everything up.[/I] [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] help please [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] I'm not me I miss me I don't like this

How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?

[QUOTE=lope;46640044]I need a reason not to kill myself quick[/QUOTE] adorable fluffy kittens, you'll never know the end of your favourite still-airing tv shows or movies coming out, and most importantly: we'll miss you and we'll all be incredibly sad here and I don't think you want that nor do I think you actually want to kill yourself so please do not and instead add one of us on here and talk so we can hopefully help you out :c [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=aydin690;46649824]How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?[/QUOTE] cats, games, sleeping [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=ZombieDawgs;46649239]I can't do it. How could I possibly do it? All I'm going to do is fail, why should I carry if all I'm going to do is fail? The work isn't at all strong enough, why is everyone else better than me, why can't I just be normal, why is this harder than it's ever been, why do I not want to do this any more? You loved it last year, now you hate it - you hate everything about it, you hate the place you're in, you hate the work, you hate the building, you don't want to be here - so why are you here? There's nothing for you anywhere else - are you going to be like this forever? You're going to go crazy aren't you? Why do I feel lost, why do I want to give up? - I was good at this, why am I not good at it any more? What changed with you? I need help, but nobody understands me. I've never had mental issues like this, why am I having mental issues like this? Everything was fine, now it's terrible, why did you even bother with this semester, you messed everything up, you messed everything up, [I]you messed everything up.[/I] [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] help please [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] I'm not me I miss me I don't like this[/QUOTE] You can only not do it if you have that attitude. You have to think positive and realistic. It may be [I]hard[/I] but it's not impossible. You're not going to fail and the more you think about things negavitely, the more they'll grow in an overwhleming way but if you take things slow and just get one thing done at a time, you'll overocome your hardships and situations. We're not 'better' than you, just different situations but most all of us here can relate to how you're feeling. You're not abnormal—there is no such thing as 'normal' with human beings. Everyone is an outlier but not an outsider, and neither are you. Don't say there's nothing for you anywhere else because I know for a gosh-damned fact you did not look everywhere and/nor reach out to everyone yet. You won't be like this forever nor are you crazy. Okay well maybe a little crazy but.. we're all mad here. You feel lost and wanting to give up because you're going through a tough time and new, negative situations make one feel afraid and worried usually. That's stress but stress can be good! Stress can help you adapt and become stronger so you cannot give up. It's quite possible nothing changed with [I]you[/I] but merely the situations presenting themselves to you in this current time have changed. You didn't mess everything up. You didn't mess everything up. You didn't mess everythign up. You are you, even when you're in this state. All of this is a part of you, even the negative parts but these negative parts are what make us US, and you can overcome them and better yourself if you push through. Please, talk to your friends and family and seek help if you need. There are a boutniful amount of peopel who would be happy to try to help you out. Especially quite a few of us here in the thread. so please talk to us

[QUOTE=Catscratch;46651163]We're not 'better' than you, just different situations but most all of us here can relate to how you're feeling. You're not abnormal—there is no such thing as 'normal' with human beings. Everyone is an outlier but not an outsider, and neither are you. Don't say there's nothing for you anywhere else because I know for a gosh-damned fact you did not look everywhere and/nor reach out to everyone yet. You won't be like this forever nor are you crazy. Okay well maybe a little crazy but.. we're all mad here. You feel lost and wanting to give up because you're going through a tough time and new, negative situations make one feel afraid and worried usually. That's stress but stress can be good! Stress can help you adapt and become stronger so you cannot give up. It's quite possible nothing changed with [I]you[/I] but merely the situations presenting themselves to you in this current time have changed. You didn't mess everything up. You didn't mess everything up. You didn't mess everythign up. You are you, even when you're in this state. All of this is a part of you, even the negative parts but these negative parts are what make us US, and you can overcome them and better yourself if you push through. Please, talk to your friends and family and seek help if you need. There are a boutniful amount of peopel who would be happy to try to help you out. Especially quite a few of us here in the thread. so please talk to us[/QUOTE] That was the middle of a panic attack, I'm trying to bring help make myself better, I really am but I'm struggling way too much to do it at the minute, everything else but the thing I need to do is so much more appealing at the minute.

[QUOTE=aydin690;46649824]How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?[/QUOTE] Struggling with this too, man. I'm at a real rough spot in my life where all of the people I care about are growing up, moving away and all seem relatively unhappy about it. I think sometimes it helps to remember that we're all in the same fight. We all are looking for a way to cope, even when people seem excited about something new, it's usually because they're as dealing with the same problems as I am. I would suggest something social if possible, get out and meet people. That's %90 of the reason I want to go to school in spring. I'm not sure what you're into, but there's tons of clubs and social events going on all the time, just look for something that you really enjoy and you'll meet people that already have some common ground with you. Hell, maybe you'll even meet a girl.

do any of you guys feel like your own tastes, opinions, etc, doesn't matter at all/are weird? that the only thing that matters is that someone external approves of your thoughts or feelings towards a subject? I've noticed a pattern I continuously follow and that is I always seek someone elses approval before I do anything at all. I'm not able to go shopping for clothes for example without someone to go with since I get stressed out when I'm the one making the decisions. I don't trust my own taste so I need someone externally to give me the green light. on the topic of clothes, everyone says you should pick something you yourself are comfortable with, but I'm not able to do that. I'm too worried about people thinking they don't match me or are ugly. my own opinion/taste is buried far under what everyone else might think of it, and this goes for pretty much everything else as well. it doesn't matter if I'm proud of something or if I really like something. if I have a sneaking suspicion that someone out there will dislike my work/not think it's anything special at all, I won't show it off to anyone unless someone external approves of it. anyone else feel this way?

[QUOTE=PredGD;46652500]do any of you guys feel like your own tastes, opinions, etc, doesn't matter at all/are weird? that the only thing that matters is that someone external approves of your thoughts or feelings towards a subject? I've noticed a pattern I continuously follow and that is I always seek someone elses approval before I do anything at all. I'm not able to go shopping for clothes for example without someone to go with since I get stressed out when I'm the one making the decisions. I don't trust my own taste so I need someone externally to give me the green light. on the topic of clothes, everyone says you should pick something you yourself are comfortable with, but I'm not able to do that. I'm too worried about people thinking they don't match me or are ugly. my own opinion/taste is buried far under what everyone else might think of it, and this goes for pretty much everything else as well. it doesn't matter if I'm proud of something or if I really like something. if I have a sneaking suspicion that someone out there will dislike my work/not think it's anything special at all, I won't show it off to anyone unless someone external approves of it. anyone else feel this way?[/QUOTE] I don't feel that with everything (like clothes I just kind of buy whatever I feel like), but I get like that with other things like the games I like and that kind of thing. I often try to seek validity in my opinions on things and I have to try very hard to not let someone else's harsh opinion that contradicts mine affect me. So like, lets say I really like a game. I might go somewhere on here and see someone calling it a big pile of crap. I have to try very hard to not get completely disheartened by that kind of thing and it sucks. And then whenever I do things I'm not entirely familiar with, I often really can't progress in what I'm doing unless I get constant approval that I am doing it right by someone else [editline]6th December 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=aydin690;46649824]How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?[/QUOTE] Distraction, usually. I'll play a game or watch a movie or something. Games with a romance element that are done right help quite a bit since I can sort of get immersed in a non-lonely experience

Hey guys I got a few questions maybe someone can help with. So I'm diagnosed with adhd inattentive disorder. Haven't been diagnosed with anxiety but I get anxiety even around my family at say thanksgiving (I avoid talking and mingling with people except for my mother, father, and my girlfriend). I know I do it because I actively avoid interactions with people that aren't close family. But if someone approaches me I engage and am okay after a few seconds if it's relatives, if it's an unknown person it takes a few minutes and I still am not very out going/myself. Also I think I may have depression (I don't feel depressed though) I've read that you can be physically depressed. I always feel tired like I could take a small nap. However I do work seven days a week so it doesn't stop me from staying up and I just posh through the tiredness. Currently I only take adderal for adhd 20 mg bid. And it does help me concentrate and focus. So as I understand it my symptoms are usually/can be accompanied with adhd. What are your thoughts or experience with this? I do try to sleep at least 6-8 hours but even when I sleep let's say 9-10 I still feel sluggish. Tl;dr: I have adhd, usually sluggish/feel tired, and get nervous/ uneasy around strangers and people I don't see often.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD as well, I know I have a huge anxiety problem and am also depressed. I don't just mean physically depressed. I haven't been taking any medicine for a couple years now, but I used to take Lexapro and it did help me out a little. Unfortunately I was forced to stop taking it while I was incarcerated and I thought I was going to be fine without it. Now when the stresses of my life are greater than ever I sort of wish I had something to smooth me out again. I would just talk to a doctor about what might help you. If you don't want to take any drugs, find something that really distracts you. I'm terrible with this because I'm a huge procrastinator, but when I do get around to going out with friends, playing games or something, it frees me from my depressing thoughts and nerves for at least a little while.

Found this song after hearing these guys a few years ago back in Tucson.. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC3IrqUpm9U[/media] Just remember to keep on loving, and keep on fighting.

[QUOTE=aydin690;46649824]How do you guys deal with crippling loneliness?[/QUOTE] I may not be the most qualified person here to talk about this, but here goes nothing. I'm not sure how accurate I'd be if I said that a lot of us really don't deal with it. It's not exactly something that goes away, I've found in my personal experiences, so I just do what a lot of people seem to be doing and distract myself. Games, TV, friends(online mostly), and a heaping heavy spoonful of RP online help, but overall I've yet to find a surefire solution that gets rid of the feeling. The feeling comes in waves, so usually if I feel my crippling loneliness starting to creep up, I'll go do something very mentally taxing, like playing an FPS or having a random chat with friends. It's not a perfect solution, but it's something at least.

I don't think there's a way to deal with loneliness at all other than actually socializing to be honest. of course you can distract yourself, but that's a very short term solution which you have to repeat over and over. then there's also those times where the feeling just doesn't go away even when you try to distract yourself. best way to deal with crippling loneliness is to do exactly what the feeling wants you to do, socialize. everything else are just short term solutions most of the time, and if you keep doing it, you'll suddenly end up repeating these short term solutions day after day. before you know the word of it, months pass. it's what I did in the period I was isolated at home. instead of attacking the problem head on, I kept working around it by finding ways to "ignore" the feeling like distracting myself. of course it just made everything worse up until I had pretty much forgotten how to be social. I legitimately struggle with talking since I went a year where I barely spoke norwegian at all. its gotten a lot better now that I've been more social, but I still stumble in my own words occasionally. in the end, do your best to do exactly what you feel like you need, social stimulation! doesn't need to be with friends, family or anything like that. could be through work or school as well, or activities you participate in. your social "quota" will fill up just by being social with pretty much anyone. distractions are of course okay, just don't let the distractions become the solution else you'll create a much bigger problem for yourself. in other news, was my birthday today! it feels surprisingly not like my birthday since I haven't celebrated and I've been stuck in my room all day. feels like any other day, haven't eaten anything special, etc. somewhat sad, but what bothers me the most is how few commented "happy birthday" on my facebook page. really makes me feel like an outcast considering "happy birthday" is something everyone writes on everyones wall even if they don't know each other, or at least some people do that.

I don't know if this exactly fits here, but.. here goes.. I feel like there's something wrong with me that was never diagnosed. Just by the fact that I'm so slow and my basic problem solving skills are extremely poor. Cognitive thought and ability comes at a difficulty, and formulating sentences properly both online and off is hard, like English isn't my first language. I can think about saying something for a really long time before I say it, but it still usually comes out ridiculously stupid or I piss someone off somehow, without even meaning to. I can never help anyone hardly without making things worse. There's very few things I can do correctly. My motor skills are poor, I often stumble around on even walking surfaces. I've made enemies and lost friends, made idiotic sounding posts all across the internet, simply because I didn't know how to word something. For all of my life I've never felt like I was.. Completely focused, or "there". Like, lights are on but nobody's home type feeling. Absolutely scatterbrained, as well. Often things I post on the internet, either on forums or IM, or talk about in real life jump all over the place. My legitimately mentally challenged great aunt was sharper than me most of the time. I can't even solve simple child's puzzles and riddles on the back of fucking cereal boxes sometimes. I feel like I'm just a plain out [I]idiot[/I] in every sense of the word. I wanna cry, I feel like something in my head is missing that everyone else has, and it's making me feel worthless. I feel like a burden to everyone I talk to. I feel like many people get the immediate impression that I have some form of autism, both online and off, which makes people want to avoid me. I really want to see a psychologist or something, but I've been fighting to get someone to take me there for a really long time but my parents usually laugh, say nothing's wrong with me and completely blow it off. If I could take myself I would, but this issue is so bad that it's affecting my ability to do just about anything that would get me there to do it. I'm stuck and I almost want to die because of it.

[QUOTE=PredGD;46655511]I don't think there's a way to deal with loneliness at all other than actually socializing to be honest. of course you can distract yourself, but that's a very short term solution which you have to repeat over and over. then there's also those times where the feeling just doesn't go away even when you try to distract yourself. best way to deal with crippling loneliness is to do exactly what the feeling wants you to do, socialize. everything else are just short term solutions most of the time, and if you keep doing it, you'll suddenly end up repeating these short term solutions day after day. before you know the word of it, months pass. it's what I did in the period I was isolated at home. instead of attacking the problem head on, I kept working around it by finding ways to "ignore" the feeling like distracting myself. of course it just made everything worse up until I had pretty much forgotten how to be social. I legitimately struggle with talking since I went a year where I barely spoke norwegian at all. its gotten a lot better now that I've been more social, but I still stumble in my own words occasionally. in the end, do your best to do exactly what you feel like you need, social stimulation! doesn't need to be with friends, family or anything like that. could be through work or school as well, or activities you participate in. your social "quota" will fill up just by being social with pretty much anyone. distractions are of course okay, just don't let the distractions become the solution else you'll create a much bigger problem for yourself. in other news, was my birthday today! it feels surprisingly not like my birthday since I haven't celebrated and I've been stuck in my room all day. feels like any other day, haven't eaten anything special, etc. somewhat sad, but what bothers me the most is how few commented "happy birthday" on my facebook page. really makes me feel like an outcast considering "happy birthday" is something everyone writes on everyones wall even if they don't know each other, or at least some people do that.[/QUOTE] But i've been a loner all my life and i've never really had any friends. I don't even know how to socialize and interact with people. I've been a hermit as long as i can remember. I graduated about a year ago and i still haven't been able to find a job. I've literally spent the past year in front of my computer. Nobody to talk to, just my computer, games and music. I turned 24 2 months ago and i feel like i haven't done anything with my life and haven't experienced anything. I feel like I "missed out". It leaves you feeling stunted and underdeveloped, and like you're waiting on some train you're not sure even exists.

[QUOTE=aydin690;46656759]But i've been a loner all my life and i've never really had any friends. I don't even know how to socialize and interact with people. I've been a hermit as long as i can remember. I graduated about a year ago and i still haven't been able to find a job. I've literally spent the past year in front of my computer. Nobody to talk to, just my computer, games and music. I turned 24 2 months ago and i feel like i haven't done anything with my life and haven't experienced anything. I feel like I "missed out". It leaves you feeling stunted and underdeveloped, and like you're waiting on some train you're not sure even exists.[/QUOTE] it's definitely a sticky situation which is hard to get out of, and as you said, it's like waiting for a train that you're not sure even exists. though there is a point where it's smarter to start walking instead of waiting for the train. it's gonna be more exhausting, but it's better than waiting for something that isn't guaranteed to show up. not having any friends and having been a loner all your life shouldn't get in the way of socializing! of course social skill may lack to a degree, but it's something that is quickly gained when you first expose yourself. most people from what I've gathered socialize mostly on "social arenas" like school and work. I don't know how hard you've tried to find a job or how hard it is to find one, but if I were you, I'd start doing some research on possible places to work. from there you'll meet new people, and through them you'll be able to meet even more people. it's my current plan, and I've already scored a job where I'll begin working in january. [editline]7th December 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=SuperDuperScoot;46655533]I don't know if this exactly fits here, but.. here goes.. I feel like there's something wrong with me that was never diagnosed. Just by the fact that I'm so slow and my basic problem solving skills are extremely poor. Cognitive thought and ability comes at a difficulty, and formulating sentences properly both online and off is hard, like English isn't my first language. I can think about saying something for a really long time before I say it, but it still usually comes out ridiculously stupid or I piss someone off somehow, without even meaning to. I can never help anyone hardly without making things worse. There's very few things I can do correctly. My motor skills are poor, I often stumble around on even walking surfaces. I've made enemies and lost friends, made idiotic sounding posts all across the internet, simply because I didn't know how to word something. For all of my life I've never felt like I was.. Completely focused, or "there". Like, lights are on but nobody's home type feeling. Absolutely scatterbrained, as well. Often things I post on the internet, either on forums or IM, or talk about in real life jump all over the place. My legitimately mentally challenged great aunt was sharper than me most of the time. I can't even solve simple child's puzzles and riddles on the back of fucking cereal boxes sometimes. I feel like I'm just a plain out [I]idiot[/I] in every sense of the word. I wanna cry, I feel like something in my head is missing that everyone else has, and it's making me feel worthless. I feel like a burden to everyone I talk to. I feel like many people get the immediate impression that I have some form of autism, both online and off, which makes people want to avoid me. I really want to see a psychologist or something, but I've been fighting to get someone to take me there for a really long time but my parents usually laugh, say nothing's wrong with me and completely blow it off. If I could take myself I would, but this issue is so bad that it's affecting my ability to do just about anything that would get me there to do it. I'm stuck and I almost want to die because of it.[/QUOTE] what you suspect might be true, and it might not. it's easy to think that there's something wrong, then you'll automatically pay attention to odd things or even unintentionally do as you suspect just to further confirm your own suspicion of something being wrong. without going into too much details, I used to do this. it really felt like I hadn't been diagnosed correctly for something, but for a period I just forgot about it completely, and the "symptoms" disappeared with it. things I found odd also seemed to be completely normal after hearing it from others too which just further said there was nothing wrong with me. this is why self diagnosing/looking for symptoms in yourself is harmful since you'll often fulfill your own prophecy, making your suspicions completely invalid as it's often your own imagination that creates symptoms out of completely normal things. you need someone external to judge if it's something that could come from a disorder or not as they won't be biased. I'd try not to worry too much about it and go to a psychologist to get a proper overview of the things you feel.

I never remember my dreams, I go literally months without remembering any of them. Now the last five days every night I dream about my ex and me together and happy. Every morning now I wake up and feel like I want to die. We're still friends and she still tries to talk to me every day, and she always wants to hang out with me. She told me it was because of my marks, then it was because I'm not independent enough, then it was because she wanted to be alone and she had an emotional switch that turned off (Whatever that means). Last night she urged me to call her on skype and we talked for five hours, had a great time and we both laughed until we cried. I just want her back and I dont know how long to wait or what to say or even if she'd want me back and I'm afraid if I ask then I won't be able to talk to her at all. I'm posting here again hoping someone will have something to say this time. I posted three times and it just makes me feel like I'm invisible on the forum please help me, I can't keep doing this