Dreams often just reflect upon your common hobbies or thoughtful obsessions too.
Everybody talking about their albums they want and they all seem normal and then you've got me who was really excited for
[IMG]http://img.sunrise-inc.co.jp/images/2016/01/thm_201601071817153533.png[/IMG]
[QUOTE=refiero;49635281]Everybody talking about their albums they want and they all seem normal and then you've got me who was really excited for
[IMG]http://img.sunrise-inc.co.jp/images/2016/01/thm_201601071817153533.png[/IMG][/QUOTE]
Macklemore wrote a song called white privilege someones gotta have a thing against him now
besides who cares once you've listened to things like speedcore and gabba that stuff seems pretty normal lol
[QUOTE=refiero;49635281]Everybody talking about their albums they want and they all seem normal and then you've got me who was really excited for
[IMG]http://img.sunrise-inc.co.jp/images/2016/01/thm_201601071817153533.png[/IMG][/QUOTE]
you'll probably get less shit for being excited for that than i've already gotten for being really excited for kanye's new album
yeezy yeezy yeezy just jumped over jumpman
My friend (one i've referenced in the past) has been seeing this one dude for nearly a year now and they're just so... content? together that its quite lovely to see. In other friends I've seen those really crazy passionate relationships that burn out fast but these "stable"/"content" ones just seem to go on and on and on.
His boyfriend is cool too, I really like him. They're a good fit, my friend being a hilariously out-of-it mentally dude who's super social, and his bf being a more reserved but more focused person. They're both super sweet though, so Im guessing thats their secret for success
edit: meanwhile I'm listening to country which only comes in one flavor: [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejfMrZQU3Eo"]sad[/URL] :v:
leaving in a few hours to stay with my boyfriend this weekend, pretty excited :joy:
So, I've had so little contact with anyone aside from my boyfriend that I'm honestly at the point where I'm even tired of hearing his voice. :v: But I have nowhere to go, no local friends, can't get a job because it's too cold to walk far, I can't drive, and the one car this family has is used too often for me to have a reliable ride. He never leaves the house either, having only one friend he actually ever hangs out with once in a few blue moons, and also no job because he says he's waiting until he has a driver's license while slacking to the extreme on getting one. I'd be happy just to live in a different room at the very least, but the house is pretty overstuffed, though thankfully after like four years that's apparently changing since his grandma moving out of the house will free up a room, seriously can't come soon enough for more reasons I won't get into.
[QUOTE=AxelTheDragon;49635764]So, I've had so little contact with anyone aside from my boyfriend that I'm honestly at the point where I'm even tired of hearing his voice. :v: But I have nowhere to go, no local friends, [b]can't get a job because it's too cold to walk far[/b], I can't drive, and the one car this family has is used too often for me to have a reliable ride. He never leaves the house either, having only one friend he actually ever hangs out with once in a few blue moons, and also no job because he says he's waiting until he has a driver's license while slacking to the extreme on getting one. I'd be happy just to live in a different room at the very least, but the house is pretty overstuffed, though thankfully after like four years that's apparently changing since his grandma moving out of the house will free up a room, seriously can't come soon enough for more reasons I won't get into.[/QUOTE]This is pretty petty. Bundle up and walk, or get a bike. You're just making excuses when the aforementioned options exist along with your city probably having some form of public transportation. However shitty it may be, it'll still get you to where you need to go. Your life isn't going to change unless you put in the effort to change it.
I was in a similar situation to you about 3 years ago when my family moved down to Florida. I was a super introverted kid that didn't do anything other than sit on my ass and play games on my computer. I didn't have much money (<$500), a car, or anything for that matter. I was living with my parents, a high school dropout, with no plans for college (or money for it either). I knew I had to get a job if I wanted to change how my life was headed. I found a job that was about a 25 minute [i]drive[/i] away. I took public buses for the first 6 months while I saved up money and eventually bought a car that was about $1000 from a good friend, set up insurance, etc. The buses were godawful too. I was offered crack a few times, I had to wake up about 2 hours before my job actually started just because it took the buses so long. Another option if it's available in your city, uber. Rides are fairly cheap and almost comparable when you look at gas prices and fuel economy. It may take you $7 to get to your job and $7 to get home, but if you make $80 that day, you're still in the green. Once you save up enough you can get yourself some reliable transportation, take your driving test, etc.
Fast forward 3 years later, I'm now 21 making right under a six figure salary with a job I love doing, my childhood dream car, living in a lovely apartment on my own. A job can change your entire life around. It gave me everything I have now, including all my friends. Friends introduce you to their friends, and it just kinda snowballs until you have a fun friend group and you're no longer the lonely kid that just sits on their computer all day. You do have to be patient, it's not going to be anywhere near instant. Your happiness will most certainly increase, you'll have friends, things to do, you'll probably become more social, and you'll enjoy your life a lot more. In some cases you'll go from the shy introverted kid to the fun, extroverted kid that your friends love having around if you're anything like me. I always thought I was just going to be shy and introverted forever before but it turns out it was just because I didn't have the friends needed to open up my shell.
TLDR/Moral of the story is, stop making excuses and make the changes you want to actually happen in your life and it'll happen. It will take a lot of determination and time, but you can change your life to be whatever you'd like it to be.
[editline]30th January 2016[/editline]
In other news, I have arisen from the dead again to give some motivation posts in my old home of Facepunch. If you've wondered why I've been so inactive this post explains why. I'm never on my computer at home anymore. Today was actually the first day I've played a game (Dishonored) in at least a few months. Sitting at a computer all day at work just makes me wanna come home and enjoy my friends, cook food, or going out on the town.
I woke up today at 8:30, after going to bed at a seasonable time, and didn't sleep in until 11pm. I went out early before the libraries opened and got asked to take a verbal survey for a product design class, and apparently I was chosen because I was clearly well styled or something? Idk. It was cool.
And then I noticed that the breeze felt nice and the birds sounded nice too. I haven't noticed small pleasantries like that in a while c:
Tl;dr- my new crazy pills are making things nicer than they have been
Finally got a concert
It's at a shitty little all ages venue that was real popular at my high school but hey, it's a start right?
Wrangling a band together though is pretty stressful I gotta say
I only have until March 6, that's when the show is, and we can only meet on the weekends so that's at most like around 10 or 12 days to rehearse
May as well spill my guts here because why not. Shitposting from Starbucks, woop.
So just to sum up my life so far... Depressed for much of my life and ADHD but also really intelligent. So I was seen as the "smart but lazy" type instead of legitimately having issues. Only had a few friends in school and rarely did anything except sit on my computer. Slept in almost every day and missed a bunch of school. Never did homework. I now realize that the reason I stayed up late and slept in was entirely to avoid my family, then I just thought it was a messed up sleep cycle.
Anyway I dropped out of HS, then diagnosed ADHD at 17. Got my GED and started community college. Did really well there with a 3.5, but at the end I had to stop treatment for ADHD because of my parents fucking up my insurance and leaving me with a $200 bill that I had no way of paying.
Transferred to a 4 year uni and failed every class I took the first quarter. Second quarter I did alright. Third quarter I started ADHD treatment again, but at that point the meds caused ridiculous mood swings. Of course my psych didn't think I was bipolar, but I think sleeping only 2 hours a night for 5 days should've been a big hint...
Anyway, I failed my third quarter of classes and my financial aid was cut off. My grandparents offered to take me in in Nebraska and offer some support and a place to go to school. I wanted to get away from my mom and stepfather so I did it.
So I went to my grandparents in the middle of nowhere. Naturally I was bored as fuck. I did no better in school, getting a medical withdrawal. Didn't make any friends either so I had nothing to do. Oh yeah, and my grandparents are fucking awful. Among other things, they: took my laptop even though I'm a goddamn adult; treated me like I was fucking 12 while saying I acted like it; gave me a phone that I had ZERO authority over; repeatedly ignored my privacy; intentionally triggered anxiety attacks and made fun of me for taking anti anxiety meds; repeatedly saying nothing is wrong with me and I just to to "grow a pair", "be a man", "stop being a pussy", "grow up", etc; "those clothes make you look like a faggot... oh wait"; insulting me and my (now ex) boyfriend multiple times; telling me I need to stop leeching and get a job (which I couldn't do with all that fucking anxiety they were causing); "if you're so smart, why do you act so dumb?"; "stop playing games with us"; and finally, threatening to kick me out damn near every week before finally doing it (knowing full well that I'd be on the street). Considering their repeated small comments (and some bigger ones), I'm sure it was a good part because I'm gay...
After that I said "fuck it", took a bus to Philadelphia, and assumed I'd figure something out (oh the joys of mania). Mate broke up with me, but I still felt confident so I kept going. Week later I meet a guy at a bar, do some coke and slept with him. Then the mania wore off and I end up losing my laptop and some other stuff, and realized I'd spent basically all of what little money I had on random bullshit.
Felt like shit and just lost a bunch of really important and sentimental things so I end up at the top of a parking garage ready to jump off. But I didn't, and instead called 911 and was committed to a psych hospital. They let me leave after two weeks and I went into a shelter and I've been there since. Oh and then I found out my grandparents contacted my ex and [I]blamed him for it all[/I].
Now I got food stamps and I'm applying for SSI so hopefully I can dig myself out of this in a few months (2-3 month SSI "fast track" if you're homeless). Not gonna stay on it forever, but I need to get stable before I can think about going back to school or getting a job.
I skipped a lot of details to keep to the core of it all, especially regarding my mom and stepfather. But I'm much much more pissed off with my grandparents... Hell, my mom has decided to cut off all contact with her father and stepmother because of all they did.
[QUOTE=ECrownofFire;49638690]May as well spill my guts here because why not. Shitposting from Starbucks, woop.
So just to sum up my life so far... Depressed for much of my life and ADHD but also really intelligent. So I was seen as the "smart but lazy" type instead of legitimately having issues. Only had a few friends in school and rarely did anything except sit on my computer. Slept in almost every day and missed a bunch of school. Never did homework. I now realize that the reason I stayed up late and slept in was entirely to avoid my family, then I just thought it was a messed up sleep cycle.
Anyway I dropped out of HS, then diagnosed ADHD at 17. Got my GED and started community college. Did really well there with a 3.5, but at the end I had to stop treatment for ADHD because of my parents fucking up my insurance and leaving me with a $200 bill that I had no way of paying.
Transferred to a 4 year uni and failed every class I took the first quarter. Second quarter I did alright. Third quarter I started ADHD treatment again, but at that point the meds caused ridiculous mood swings. Of course my psych didn't think I was bipolar, but I think sleeping only 2 hours a night for 5 days should've been a big hint...
Anyway, I failed my third quarter of classes and my financial aid was cut off. My grandparents offered to take me in in Nebraska and offer some support and a place to go to school. I wanted to get away from my mom and stepfather so I did it.
So I went to my grandparents in the middle of nowhere. Naturally I was bored as fuck. I did no better in school, getting a medical withdrawal. Didn't make any friends either so I had nothing to do. Oh yeah, and my grandparents are fucking awful. Among other things, they: took my laptop even though I'm a goddamn adult; treated me like I was fucking 12 while saying I acted like it; gave me a phone that I had ZERO authority over; repeatedly ignored my privacy; intentionally triggered anxiety attacks and made fun of me for taking anti anxiety meds; repeatedly saying nothing is wrong with me and I just to to "grow a pair", "be a man", "stop being a pussy", "grow up", etc; "those clothes make you look like a faggot... oh wait"; insulting me and my (now ex) boyfriend multiple times; telling me I need to stop leeching and get a job (which I couldn't do with all that fucking anxiety they were causing); "if you're so smart, why do you act so dumb?"; "stop playing games with us"; and finally, threatening to kick me out damn near every week before finally doing it (knowing full well that I'd be on the street). Considering their repeated small comments (and some bigger ones), I'm sure it was a good part because I'm gay...
After that I said "fuck it", took a bus to Philadelphia, and assumed I'd figure something out (oh the joys of mania). Mate broke up with me, but I still felt confident so I kept going. Week later I meet a guy at a bar, do some coke and slept with him. Then the mania wore off and I end up losing my laptop and some other stuff, and realized I'd spent basically all of what little money I had on random bullshit.
Felt like shit and just lost a bunch of really important and sentimental things so I end up at the top of a parking garage ready to jump off. But I didn't, and instead called 911 and was committed to a psych hospital. They let me leave after two weeks and I went into a shelter and I've been there since. Oh and then I found out my grandparents contacted my ex and [I]blamed him for it all[/I].
Now I got food stamps and I'm applying for SSI so hopefully I can dig myself out of this in a few months (2-3 month SSI "fast track" if you're homeless). Not gonna stay on it forever, but I need to get stable before I can think about going back to school or getting a job.
I skipped a lot of details to keep to the core of it all, especially regarding my mom and stepfather. But I'm much much more pissed off with my grandparents... Hell, my mom has decided to cut off all contact with her father and stepmother because of all they did.[/QUOTE]
Please let me know if you get into this much trouble again or have issues with food or anything, because I will still try to give you a bit of what I can spare. I offered previously but then you dropped off the map, I had school and my own shit going on, etc. I do apologize for that- wish I had kept up with you more.
TehWhale's post is a good one, and I bet you can pull it off. Having the right assistance/diagnosis is a solid start, and I'm glad that SSI is an option for you. Have you thought about trying to apply for any part-time positions or is that not an option for you right now? Might be a good way to get started working, or at least start interviewing and the like.
are we pasting mangos
[t]http://i.imgur.com/bwH2PVe.png[/t]
[QUOTE=ECrownofFire;49638690]
I skipped a lot of details to keep to the core of it all, especially regarding my mom and stepfather. But I'm much much more pissed off with my grandparents... Hell, my mom has decided to cut off all contact with her father and stepmother because of all they did.[/QUOTE]
Can you stay with your mom? Sounds like she's on your side
[QUOTE=paindoc;49635683]edit: meanwhile I'm listening to country which only comes in one flavor: [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejfMrZQU3Eo"]sad[/URL] :v:[/QUOTE]
i feel so, so sorry for you
[QUOTE=kalamari13;49639019]i feel so, so sorry for you[/QUOTE]
Hey now you wait a minute country is fine with me sometimes it can [URL="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuWEvVR8D2U"]be less depressing[/URL]
Honestly I never listen to the radio, so I missed out on pop country and country going to shit and have my core collection of childhood hits, with the rest being more like indie-folk. I like emotive music in general, and country (for all its tropes) can be emotive like no other.
Is Kylo Ren the son of David Schwimmer or something?
WHY DO THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE!?
[editline]30th January 2016[/editline]
Am I the only one who noticed this? I cant be
my friend obtained the lease for the second half of his duplex and is gonna put me and a bunch of other friends in for $200 a month
party house yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa
can I be invited too? :3c
[QUOTE=paindoc;49638882]Please let me know if you get into this much trouble again or have issues with food or anything, because I will still try to give you a bit of what I can spare. I offered previously but then you dropped off the map, I had school and my own shit going on, etc. I do apologize for that- wish I had kept up with you more.
TehWhale's post is a good one, and I bet you can pull it off. Having the right assistance/diagnosis is a solid start, and I'm glad that SSI is an option for you. Have you thought about trying to apply for any part-time positions or is that not an option for you right now? Might be a good way to get started working, or at least start interviewing and the like.[/QUOTE]
There's plenty of places to get food, so I have no real expenses.
Hard to get a job without a residential address. I'm trying to get into a youth shelter that'd let me use the shelter's address. I at least have a PO Box so I can get my mail...
[editline]30th January 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=Zeke129;49638953]Can you stay with your mom? Sounds like she's on your side[/QUOTE]
I skipped over the reasons I wanted to leave her and my stepfather so here we go. This is certainly more of an "enemy of my enemy" situation. There's been a schism between my mom and her dad for a while now.
My stepfather threw my laptop into the backyard; routinely insulted me; said my issues are "because I need to get laid" and wanted to hire a prostitute for me [I]when I was 14[/I]; broke his phone three times from throwing it; did 108 mph on his motorcycle, crashed, blamed a cop for causing it, blamed witnesses for providing evidence against him, and only got off without being convicted of reckless driving (a misdemeanor) because everyone else in that court was there for drunk driving (one guy showed up to the fucking arraignment drunk); one time when we were arguing he said "I don't care if you end up in the hospital tonight", obviously a threat, though my mom took his side and says it wasn't (whatever, that's a very poorly veiled threat); threatened to take my bedroom door off (apparently I don't deserve the basic human right of privacy, which I guess is one of very few things he agrees with my grandparents on...); constantly threatened to kick me out, saying I'd find my stuff on the lawn; "be a man", "stop being a pussy", etc; one time I offhandedly mentioned suicide (not about myself, just in general), and he said "if you want to kill yourself so much, just do it"; "you're not even trying to improve yourself"; doesn't "believe" in mental health; and is very homophobic so he'd throw a fucking fit if he knew I'm gay.
For the icing on the cake, my sister was raped and my stepfather's response was that since the rapist used a condom it "didn't count".
Both of these giant lists aren't even close to comprehensive. There's a ton of dumbass bullshit I've had to put up with. Essentially it's all the same bootstraps bootstraps bootstraps, you're not even trying, just do it (complete with Shia LaBeouf impression), you're just lazy, we're perfect and you need to let us help you, etc.
Oh also one of my sisters had similar conflicts with my stepfather and left to stay with my grandparents. She gets along really well with them while I... don't.
I normally hate talking about my own depression but this thread seems appropriate
Does anyone else ever hate themselves for being gay and weird? I could handle being one or the other, but I'm gay and weird and I'm so afraid that I'm going to end up never being with anyone because of it. I dunno. I'm just thinking about the very low number of guys out there that I'm attracted to that share interests with me and are also gay AND would want to be with me at all
Can't help but feel this way because I've finally accepted have a really awful high school crush on my friend's straight roommate and I should learn to love myself and all that
[QUOTE=cheetahben;49641422]I normally hate talking about my own depression but this thread seems appropriate
Does anyone else ever hate themselves for being gay and weird? I could handle being one or the other, but I'm gay and weird and I'm so afraid that I'm going to end up never being with anyone because of it. I dunno. I'm just thinking about the very low number of guys out there that I'm attracted to that share interests with me and are also gay AND would want to be with me at all
Can't help but feel this way because I've finally accepted have a really awful high school crush on my friend's straight roommate and I should learn to love myself and all that[/QUOTE]
Add people from the thread. Add gaymers from dating websites and facebook. Join gay clans in video games.
I'm probably weirder than everybody else in this thread as soon as you hear me speak out loud. I'm hyperactive and can never be serious because I'm all comedic or speaking like a middle schooler on coke. When I started computering ALL of the people I talked to were straight. 10 years later ALL the people I talk to are LGBT (well maybe like 90%). I dont even know how it happened, I just started chilling with homos and then everyone else kinda moved on. This is mostly online though of course.
Also I find it immensely easier to find gay/bi guys who are interested in me and my looks than when I tried dating women. Ladies tend to have higher standards in my point of view. Fat and hairy? Guys will dig you. Skinny and feminine? Guys will dig you. Lonely shutin? guys will dig you. You just need to go out of your comfort zone and try adding/meeting new people.
[QUOTE=kalamari13;49641701]Add people from the thread. Add gaymers from dating websites and facebook. Join gay clans in video games.
I'm probably weirder than everybody else in this thread as soon as you hear me speak out loud. I'm hyperactive and can never be serious because I'm all comedic or speaking like a middle schooler on coke. When I started computering ALL of the people I talked to were straight. 10 years later ALL the people I talk to are LGBT (well maybe like 90%). I dont even know how it happened, I just started chilling with homos and then everyone else kinda moved on. This is mostly online though of course.
Also I find it immensely easier to find gay/bi guys who are interested in me and my looks than when I tried dating women. Ladies tend to have higher standards in my point of view. Fat and hairy? Guys will dig you. Skinny and feminine? Guys will dig you. Lonely shutin? guys will dig you. You just need to go out of your comfort zone and try adding/meeting new people.[/QUOTE]
I actually go into the Steam gay chat here from time to time
And thank you for the reassurance, at the end of the day this is probably just me whining. I tried reinstalling Tinder the other day and chatting with a few guys, only to just stop and ignore them because I'm afraid they're going to find out I'm some creepy geek who's really damn terrible at the whole "being gay" thing. I like to think I'm confident until I actually get myself into a social situation :v:
There are too many geeky nerds, you just have to look in the right places. :P
Nerds/geeks are definitely my type, though.
It's a lot easier for me to relate :v:
i cant date a guy unless they can create their own linux distros
[QUOTE=~Kiwi~v2;49641892]the more nerdy/geeky they get the better[/QUOTE]
[img]http://puu.sh/mQltq/36038b6ecf.png[/img]
There's a point where only talking about vidya games gets old
That and I've rarely found nerdy types that are my type, physically, but that's because I'm a shallow fuck :v:
[editline]31st January 2016[/editline]
And tbh physical type only comes into play for dating apps and people I actively pursue
Only talking about one thing in general gets pretty old.
If I ever did try and date someone, my primary concern is less about my looks and more about not being a fucking bore
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