The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
Next time we meet she's gonna sleep at my place. Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add that she's older than me. (I'm 16, she's 19)
yeah, seemed fairly obvious she was trying to get you to make a move. just go for it next time, put your hands on her, talk really close laying in bed, set yourself up for a kiss.
[QUOTE=Kingy_ME;36108891]I think a community of people with social phobias is one of the worst ideas ever. If you want to become more sociable you need to learn your social skills from people who are already sociable.[/QUOTE]
uh
being comfortable around people is one of the most important things in becoming more social and if a community of like minded individuals can help you through the process, it can only be a good thing. no sense in going through a hard and often times painful task alone.
[QUOTE=gra;36114996]uh
being comfortable around people is one of the most important things in becoming more social and if a community of like minded individuals can help you through the process, it can only be a good thing. no sense in going through a hard and often times painful task alone.[/QUOTE]
IMO, being part of a community like that would do more harm than good. being able to interact with others is a vital skill in life and if you primarily interact with a group of like-minded individuals who are just as clueless as you are about social interaction, you're being given the idea that social phobia is something acceptable and could easily be discouraged from getting over it. if you were to hang out with people who were just as shy as you, you would never get anywhere because none of you would want to meet people outside your circle, whereas having an extrovert friend would mean that you'd not only be forced into social situations, but would be able to make more friends because of that person.
Hey, stroke of luck! That cool friendly dude from work, the one who was once spurned by [I]Hot Coffee Girl[/I], is looking for a place to live, and I just happen to be looking for roommates! I told him about my incredibly sweet apartment, and he was very interested. This could work out quite well!
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36115720]This could work out quite well![/QUOTE]
Or it could end horribly! You'd find [i]Hot Coffee Girl[/i] tied up in your room and when you ask Mr.FriendlyMan he'll tell you "Stockholm Syndrome!"
Really, I'll stop.
Yeah, but if I saved Hot Coffee Girl from the clutches of Sam, she'd probably think I was the bees knees, and I'd get some serious hero play.
[editline]29th May 2012[/editline]
maybe
X-post from "Sex, Girlfriends and Shit III"
-----
Can you guys judge something for me? I'm 17 (18 v.soon), this girl i got with is 16.
I went to this house party on Saturday and about an hour into it somehow me and her got talking. We continued to talk, got to know each other, we danced and grinded and did other shit horny teenagers do. We talked about all kinds of random crap but one of the things she softly emphasized was the fact that she was not a slut. This was a potential red flag to me, and basically it increased the amount of time I took to kiss her. So I was probably chilling with her for somewhere between 1.5hours and 2hrs, where towards the end of that time period her friends would come over pull her aside, whisper, giggle, look back at me, whisper etc, then leave us alone; this happened about 2 or 3 times.
Here comes my first question : "In your opinion, was this a ploy by her to make it more obvious that I should kiss her, or do you just think her friends are just supportive or teenage girls or whatever?" Now I should probably add that she did leave me a few times, upon which she remarked : "i'll brb, stay right here etc" and soon after her friends would come down.
Thus continues the rest of the story. So after these really obvious (lets just call it this for now) 'ploys', I did kiss her, and essentially that's what we did for the rest of the night; we moved from the wall, to the couches, to the dance floor etc; probably for about 2.5 hours. While we were hooking up, I was complimenting her, groping her ass, telling her civilizations have fought wars over less etc. Yet, while we were on the couch I did try to slide my hand inside her skirt (I never went very far in because I wasn't sure how she would react), and everytime I moved it somewhere else (outside of her skirt) she would subtly pull her skirt back down. We were reasonably exposed on the couch, it was dark albeit, but nevertheless if someone wanted to look they probably could have seen something with her skirt up.
Second question: "Was that subtle readjustment another signal?"
Just casually I asked her how she was getting home. Initially she said with her friends, then later in the night she said she wasn't too sure. The party was rapping up and I asked her one final time and she said again, with her friends.
Third question: "She was 16, but did I do bad?. When I think about it though, i don't know of many 16 y/o's who would spend the night with a guy they just met..."
So as the party was rapping up, (she had like 10-15mins left) we were in a dark corner and I was trying to get to her second base. I was very slowly and casually feeling her underwear elastic etc, never really going to far, trying to get some signals on whether or not she wanted to. And she did give some signals. She would also, very casually, move her arm or arms down by her side, as if to very softly brush mine away. I did 'stop' and I asked her quietly if I was making her uncomfortable and she said softly "No I just don't want to go further". So I just kept kissing her etc until she had to go.
Final question: "What does that last part (about her arms, what she said etc) tell you?"
[PS: She said I was not like other guys (i think b4 I started to try to go second base)... and i thought "Bitch, i'm exactly like other guys, i just pretend not to be"]
like a year ago I saw a girl at work I knew wearing glasses which she never had before. So being the smooth customer I am I decided to draw attention to them by saying "Nice glasses, nerd" in a sarcastic way, I thought this to be obvious because I also wear glasses and I was expecting something like "hoho you trickster you". Then she got all defensive and was like "What are you talking about you wear glasses AND have braces!!1" then I never saw her wear them again.
so I've decided to be more cautious in my mockery in the future.
[QUOTE=Parakon;36117082]like a year ago I saw a girl at work I knew wearing glasses which she never had before. So being the smooth customer I am I decided to draw attention to them by saying "Nice glasses, nerd" in a sarcastic way, I thought this to be obvious because I also wear glasses and I was expecting something like "hoho you trickster you". Then she got all defensive and was like "What are you talking about you wear glasses AND have braces!!1" then I never saw her wear them again.
so I've decided to be more cautious in my mockery in the future.[/QUOTE]
You fuck. You ruined that poor girls life!
[QUOTE=DeathFrogg;36117033]X-post from "Sex, Girlfriends and Shit III"
-----
Can you guys judge something for me? I'm 17 (18 v.soon), this girl i got with is 16.
I went to this house party on Saturday and about an hour into it somehow me and her got talking. We continued to talk, got to know each other, we danced and grinded and did other shit horny teenagers do. We talked about all kinds of random crap but one of the things she softly emphasized was the fact that she was not a slut. This was a potential red flag to me, and basically it increased the amount of time I took to kiss her. So I was probably chilling with her for somewhere between 1.5hours and 2hrs, where towards the end of that time period her friends would come over pull her aside, whisper, giggle, look back at me, whisper etc, then leave us alone; this happened about 2 or 3 times.
Here comes my first question : "In your opinion, was this a ploy by her to make it more obvious that I should kiss her, or do you just think her friends are just supportive or teenage girls or whatever?" Now I should probably add that she did leave me a few times, upon which she remarked : "i'll brb, stay right here etc" and soon after her friends would come down.
Thus continues the rest of the story. So after these really obvious (lets just call it this for now) 'ploys', I did kiss her, and essentially that's what we did for the rest of the night; we moved from the wall, to the couches, to the dance floor etc; probably for about 2.5 hours. While we were hooking up, I was complimenting her, groping her ass, telling her civilizations have fought wars over less etc. Yet, while we were on the couch I did try to slide my hand inside her skirt (I never went very far in because I wasn't sure how she would react), and everytime I moved it somewhere else (outside of her skirt) she would subtly pull her skirt back down. We were reasonably exposed on the couch, it was dark albeit, but nevertheless if someone wanted to look they probably could have seen something with her skirt up.
Second question: "Was that subtle readjustment another signal?"
Just casually I asked her how she was getting home. Initially she said with her friends, then later in the night she said she wasn't too sure. The party was rapping up and I asked her one final time and she said again, with her friends.
Third question: "She was 16, but did I do bad?. When I think about it though, i don't know of many 16 y/o's who would spend the night with a guy they just met..."
So as the party was rapping up, (she had like 10-15mins left) we were in a dark corner and I was trying to get to her second base. I was very slowly and casually feeling her underwear elastic etc, never really going to far, trying to get some signals on whether or not she wanted to. And she did give some signals. She would also, very casually, move her arm or arms down by her side, as if to very softly brush mine away. I did 'stop' and I asked her quietly if I was making her uncomfortable and she said softly "No I just don't want to go further". So I just kept kissing her etc until she had to go.
Final question: "What does that last part (about her arms, what she said etc) tell you?"
[PS: She said I was not like other guys (i think b4 I started to try to go second base)... and i thought "Bitch, i'm exactly like other guys, i just pretend not to be"][/QUOTE]
First: No. Nobody could know and it really doesn't matter.
Second: Yes. She's attracted to you.
Third: Bad? It's sex, as long as she agrees...
Final: That she's attracted to you.
To sum, she enjoys your company sexually, yet not comfortable enough to have sex with you.
Thanks for the reply.
[QUOTE=Seith;36117145]First: No. Nobody could know and it really doesn't matter.
Second: Yes. She's attracted to you.
Final: That she's attracted to you.[/QUOTE]
I'm sort of fishing for info here, but sorry, can you tell me how the, uh, readjustments indicates that? Or what it is exactly?
[QUOTE=Seith;36117145]Third: Bad? It's sex, as long as she agrees...[/QUOTE]
Sorry I phrased my question badly. I meant like... was it bad that she stuck with her plans to go home with her friends? Could I have done much more [within reason?]
I might just add now that I'd had like 3 or 4 beers for the liquid courage, but she had had barely anything. She admitted to a small shot.
goddamn it seith.
she enjoyed the attention, that was it. i don't know exactly what you are looking for with those questions.
if it's true that civilizations have fought wars over less, maybe you should have asked for her number
i just don't see what you are trying to accomplish?
[QUOTE=DeathFrogg;36117181]Thanks for the reply.
I'm sort of fishing for info here, but sorry, can you tell me how the, uh, readjustments indicates that? Or what it is exactly?
Sorry I phrased my question badly. I meant like... was it bad that she stuck with her plans to go home with her friends? Could I have done much more [within reason?]
I might just add now that I'd had like 3 or 4 beers for the liquid courage, but she had had barely anything. She admitted to a small shot.[/QUOTE]
1. Stop fishing for info. It's not the readjustments, it's the fact she stayed all night with you, making out. Simple as that. The readjustments only mean she wasn't comfortable enough you escalating any further.
2. Wasn't bad, but wasn't optimal. Yes, you could have done a lot more, but that's in the past. What you need to learn from that experience right now is;
1. Stop escalating like a horney fuck.
2. You need to build some sort of rapport with her and comfort.
3. Having sex and making out in front of a crowd is always bothersome for the ladies, especially the ones that are in experienced party girls who tell you [i]I am not a slut[/i] before you even make your move.
unconsciously, you probably understood all of that, but consciously decided to disregard 'em because you acted on what your dick told you and not your head.
Sounds like a random hookup
[QUOTE=thisispain;36117246]goddamn it seith.
she enjoyed the attention, that was it. i don't know exactly what you are looking for with those questions.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=killerteacup;36117322]Sounds like a random hookup[/QUOTE]
Well I have an opportunity to ask her to this other party i'm going to next weekend...And i'm just trying to form a clear idea in my head so i can decide if I should go with her or pursue more/different saliva
[QUOTE=DeathFrogg;36117529]Well I have an opportunity to ask her to this other party i'm going to next weekend...And i'm just trying to form a clear idea in my head so i can decide if I should go with her or pursue more/different saliva[/QUOTE]
Stop analysing and just ask her, who cares
So my prom is on friday, but after a reflection yesterday while taking a break after flipping a pool cover over about 10 times, I realized i'm only really going to make my family happy.
That being said, I'm obviously going in with a negative attitude. Anyone wanna enlighten me on what actually happens?
What do you mean "what actually happens"? You go, you eat dinner, chat with friends, say your goodbyes to people you'll miss, dance, and don't take it too seriously.
[editline]29th May 2012[/editline]
I'm not sure if you're going solo or with a date, but I went solo, and really I have no regrets - it was a blast and a half.
i never got to go to prom.. ex bailed because he "didn't feel like going" after i had gotten a dress for it and everything
it's pretty expensive anyway i suppose
[QUOTE=zerotwelve;36087901]Told a girl I was going to prom, asked her to go with me, now I really don't want to go but I don't know how to break it to her cause she's already bought a dress and such. How do I tell her without sounding like a dick?[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;36120242]i never got to go to prom.. ex bailed because he "didn't feel like going" after i had gotten a dress for it and everything
it's pretty expensive anyway i suppose[/QUOTE]
lolwut
In any case, Prom isn't that massive a deal. Go hang out and talk to friends for an hour, ask people how they're doing, grab drinks and food, go dance a bit, etc etc. Granted, my prom wound up having people doing drugs in the bathroom and almost nobody was there until like 3/4 of the way through, but I wound up leaving early and getting dumped by my date, so whatever. It's not really as big a deal as everybody makes it out to be, but there's all this pressure around the preparation and everything. Just try to relax and enjoy yourself.
Quoting myself from the sex/girlfriends/shit thread.
[quote=Myself]Okay, guys. I don't really know how to write this, so I'm just gonna ramble and hope a point comes out.
I met this girl in February at college, she was really nice and fairly attractive. We talked all day about random shit and we seemed to connect pretty well, so I got her number and we kept talking for the rest of the night. Everything seemed fine. Note that my experience with women prior to this is extremely small, so the fact that I actually got a girl's number within a few hours of knowing her is quite surprising to me.
So, we keep talking and talking. We open up to each other more and more. I don't really have an interesting past, but she could have written a novel about her childhood. Awful parents, depression, on and on. I find out she has a boyfriend and that throws a wrench in whatever vague plans I had for "us." I was attracted to her, but I kind of gave up after that. I still talked, but I knew nothing was gonna happen.
Then she starts giving me her boy problems. I'm the kind of guy that listens to all that bullshit. I'm good at listening and giving feedback. People trust me for whatever reason. I don't know. I listened. Her boyfriend is an idiot. A geeky idiot, but he's an idiot. He has a whole slew of psychological problems, too. I think the main two were manic depression and bipolar disorder. He didn't like taking his meds. I'm aware being on those kind of medicines is not fun in the slightest, but his problems are to the point where it harms others. Such as her.
So she explained all this to me. But she told be she was fine with it. She loved him. Blah blah blah. A week later she admits that this isn't the case at all. Their relationship has been in shambles for over a year. Apparently about a year and a half ago, she cheated on him with some douchebag guy. The guy coerced her and took advantage of her while she was distraught, etc. etc. This is gonna be important later. Anyway, ever since then, the relationship was shit. It was essentially just sex.
So, here I am. I have a girl that I'm fairly attracted to at this point and actually care about in shambles, awful boyfriend, parents that don't give a fuck about her. So I'm there for her. I reassure her. I give her advice. To me, it only seemed logical that she break up with him. But, the problem is that he's got his problems. How would a guy with his type of problems handle something like that? She cared about him, past the relationship. They've been great friends for a while. She didn't want to lose that. She just didn't want to be in the relationship with him dragging her down. So I encouraged that. I told her it'd be alright. It'd be alright.
So she broke up with him. He's fine so far. He didn't take his meds for a few days and had little appetite, but he's fine now. He comes in again later with more bullshit problems, but that's something that doesn't pertain to the whole story.
Two weeks later, we hang out. And we start making out. And we're dating. That was a month and two weeks ago. It was awesome. Genuinely awesome. I kissed a girl. I made her feel good. I felt good. I made her happy. That's what I cared about the most. She was happy. Happier than she's been in a very long time. That's all I cared about.
But now there's a problem. She's become increasingly dependent on me. All I wanted is for her to be happy. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to see her miserable. But weeks after they broke up, we're dating. She replaced him with me, essentially. But she tells me she makes me happier than anything. She loves me. She needs me. I keep her sane. She'd be nothing without me.
Now, I'm fine with the whole "creepily clingy" personality type. But this might just be a little too far. By the way, did I mention that she also has some psychological problems as well? Not nearly as bad as her ex, no, but she's manic depressive. She's cleared from meds and hasn't been on therapy in years, but she has attempted suicide before. The problem should be becoming increasingly apparent by this point.
Fast forward to yesterday. Everything's going great. Something I found out very, very quickly into our relationship is that she's quite horny. Extremely horny. Not quite nymphomaniac, but she wouldn't turn down sex if I offered her. So we did it yesterday. That was my first legitimate time with a girl. It went great. For her. I didn't feel anything. Nothing. It felt nice when we kissed and when she bit my neck. Then she started rubbing my cock, jerking me off, licking it, etc. I felt nothing. Not good, not bad, nothing. It was just bare skin on skin. Fucking was boring as hell. It was amazing for her, but I didn't feel pleasure in the slightest. I was happy I made her feel so, so good. But I didn't feel anything.
Later that night I was just thinking about the entire thing. Why was I in the relationship? I was making her happy. That's all that mattered. But what happens in 6 months, a year, 2 years down the line, when the relationship gets stale. I can't leave her. She's told me. She'd relapse. She'd go crazy without me. I feel like I'm trapped right now. I just wanted to make her happy. I wanted to be a good friend. I didn't want all that. And now I'm afraid I can't get out of the relationship without endangering someone's life.
I don't even know what I want or expect. Whatever. Just glad I got that out. Obviously advice would be nice but whatever.[/quote]
A relationship that exists for the sole purpose of "she'd relapse" isn't a very good relationship at all. I'd suggest getting out ASAP. If she's bipolar and needs help with that, you're not going to be as good for her recovery as a therapist would be.
sounds like she's practically holding herself hostage to keep you in the relationship. i have a friend whose girlfriend did the same thing, but she was abusive and downright threatened to kill herself if he left her. all i can say is get out of there before she gets worse
All right Super Friendly Social and Love Advice, so here's the cheese.
I started getting close to this girl in my band. School band. She's new into it, being a senior and a cheer leader and all, but so am I. Excluding cheer leading. But this was extremely late into the year. It's just now after all these years of high school that we're actually getting to know each other. At first I thought of her as extremely cool friend material cuz a couple solar cycles back I had a girlfriend. Well said girlfriend is irrelevant now, and now I think I have the hots for this chick. Well, we both went to a party + another friend, with her driving us, and honestly, it was a blast. Where I was separated from her, it seemed like she was seeking me. We talked lots, all over the place, and then the night ended with us two laying close to each other and some other 2 people laying under the stars on a trampoline talking about everything, promising each other whatever is said in the trampoline stays in the trampoline. However, being the loose cannon that obeys no rules other than his own that I am, I went straight to Facepunch and started posting here.
She started asking some very probing questions, mostly directed at me.
A la, "Hey B-ry, what do you find attractive in a girl?" "What do you look for a in a girl?" "What dominates your thought process?"
Last one made me chuckle. Am I a fucking robot?, I thought. However, some questions thrown around here and there, and then it got really personal. Won't go into details, however.
Point being, I think she may be interested in me. Then again, she could just be asking for some other girl I knew who was crushing on me. However, my large egotistic teenager conscious told me otherwise. However, my years in high school are waning. Then again, who gives a cuss. I think I'm going to go for it.
Although, for the oddest reason, I have doubts. Thoughts on this Facepunch?
[QUOTE=PrivRyan;36126031]All right Super Friendly Social and Love Advice, so here's the cheese.
I started getting close to this girl in my band. School band. She's new into it, being a senior and a cheer leader and all, but so am I. Excluding cheer leading. But this was extremely late into the year. It's just now after all these years of high school that we're actually getting to know each other. At first I thought of her as extremely cool friend material cuz a couple solar cycles back I had a girlfriend. Well said girlfriend is irrelevant now, and now I think I have the hots for this chick. Well, we both went to a party + another friend, with her driving us, and honestly, it was a blast. Where I was separated from her, it seemed like she was seeking me. We talked lots, all over the place, and then the night ended with us two laying close to each other and some other 2 people laying under the stars on a trampoline talking about everything, promising each other whatever is said in the trampoline stays in the trampoline. However, being the loose cannon that obeys no rules other than his own that I am, I went straight to Facepunch and started posting here.
She started asking some very probing questions, mostly directed at me.
A la, "Hey B-ry, what do you find attractive in a girl?" "What do you look for a in a girl?" "What dominates your thought process?"
Last one made me chuckle. Am I a fucking robot?, I thought. However, some questions thrown around here and there, and then it got really personal. Won't go into details, however.
Point being, I think she may be interested in me. Then again, she could just be asking for some other girl I knew who was crushing on me. However, my large egotistic teenager conscious told me otherwise. However, my years in high school are waning. Then again, who gives a cuss. I think I'm going to go for it.
Although, for the oddest reason, I have doubts. Thoughts on this Facepunch?[/QUOTE]
You're nervous. I say go for it, it seems pretty glaringly obvious that she's into you. Granted, the relationship probably won't last very long depending on college and such, but I say you should try.
[QUOTE=PrivRyan;36126031]All right Super Friendly Social and Love Advice, so here's the cheese.
I started getting close to this girl in my band. School band. She's new into it, being a senior and a cheer leader and all, but so am I. Excluding cheer leading. But this was extremely late into the year. It's just now after all these years of high school that we're actually getting to know each other. At first I thought of her as extremely cool friend material cuz a couple solar cycles back I had a girlfriend. Well said girlfriend is irrelevant now, and now I think I have the hots for this chick. Well, we both went to a party + another friend, with her driving us, and honestly, it was a blast. Where I was separated from her, it seemed like she was seeking me. We talked lots, all over the place, and then the night ended with us two laying close to each other and some other 2 people laying under the stars on a trampoline talking about everything, promising each other whatever is said in the trampoline stays in the trampoline. However, being the loose cannon that obeys no rules other than his own that I am, I went straight to Facepunch and started posting here.
She started asking some very probing questions, mostly directed at me.
A la, "Hey B-ry, what do you find attractive in a girl?" "What do you look for a in a girl?" "What dominates your thought process?"
Last one made me chuckle. Am I a fucking robot?, I thought. However, some questions thrown around here and there, and then it got really personal. Won't go into details, however.
Point being, I think she may be interested in me. Then again, she could just be asking for some other girl I knew who was crushing on me. However, my large egotistic teenager conscious told me otherwise. However, my years in high school are waning. Then again, who gives a cuss. I think I'm going to go for it.
Although, for the oddest reason, I have doubts. Thoughts on this Facepunch?[/QUOTE]
She's interested, go ask her out.
[QUOTE=PrivRyan;36126031]All right Super Friendly Social and Love Advice, so here's the cheese.
I started getting close to this girl in my band. School band. She's new into it, being a senior and a cheer leader and all, but so am I. Excluding cheer leading. But this was extremely late into the year. It's just now after all these years of high school that we're actually getting to know each other. At first I thought of her as extremely cool friend material cuz a couple solar cycles back I had a girlfriend. Well said girlfriend is irrelevant now, and now I think I have the hots for this chick. Well, we both went to a party + another friend, with her driving us, and honestly, it was a blast. Where I was separated from her, it seemed like she was seeking me. We talked lots, all over the place, and then the night ended with us two laying close to each other and some other 2 people laying under the stars on a trampoline talking about everything, promising each other whatever is said in the trampoline stays in the trampoline. However, being the loose cannon that obeys no rules other than his own that I am, I went straight to Facepunch and started posting here.
She started asking some very probing questions, mostly directed at me.
A la, "Hey B-ry, what do you find attractive in a girl?" "What do you look for a in a girl?" "What dominates your thought process?"
Last one made me chuckle. Am I a fucking robot?, I thought. However, some questions thrown around here and there, and then it got really personal. Won't go into details, however.
Point being, I think she may be interested in me. Then again, she could just be asking for some other girl I knew who was crushing on me. However, my large egotistic teenager conscious told me otherwise. However, my years in high school are waning. Then again, who gives a cuss. I think I'm going to go for it.
Although, for the oddest reason, I have doubts. Thoughts on this Facepunch?[/QUOTE]
The sun is at your back! Attack!
Fuck yeah, Facepunch. Words of motivation.
Although. News flash, cock block friend #1 who failed at a chance with her because he never made a move just PM'ed her on facebook asking around about who she likes. She said no one.
Curses! I shall be that no one!
Go for it. She definitely seems into you, and with your high school career coming to a close, you have nothing to lose asking her out. Not that you would lose anything anyway.
[editline]29th May 2012[/editline]
don't listen to your friend, she more than likely knows he's liked her before and wouldn't give him any information anyway
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