The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Sartek;36257165]Ok I have like 10 good as mates I hang out with now but they always seem to get a bit annoyed when I don't want to hang out with them cause I like having a weekend every month to do what I want to do...
What should I do????[/QUOTE]
Just explain to them you need your own time too, but that you do like being around them. It sounds like they may need to grow up a bit if they don't support what you want. My friends are a bit like this too. Try mixing with other people too, if friends bring you down then they arent really doing you much good as friends.
Yeah I guess also I don't care much about how I look anymore and generally act my self but I find it hard to come up with stuff to talk about around girls, generally I can get away with talking about games cars computers ect to my mates cause I got them all into computers but majority of the chicks at my school are not really into gaming even on console...
[QUOTE=Sartek;36257225]Yeah I guess also I don't care much about how I look anymore and generally act my self but I find it hard to come up with stuff to talk about around girls, generally I can get away with talking about games cars computers ect to my mates cause I got them all into computers but majority of the chicks at my school are not really into gaming even on console...[/QUOTE]
I use to find it hard to be able to keep conversations with people going, then a few months ago it suddenly just changed and I preferred one on one company and probbaly talk more one on one regaurdless of the other persons gender.
Maybe you just feel too nervous around the girls to talk? So instead of being relaxed and just talking about whatever you're putting strain on yourself to think about what to say? It usually works well ask them what they are into, you'd be surprised what little things you may have in common. :)
Yeah I prefer to hang out with 2 other people otherwise we get bored cause we can't come up with anything to do, one of my mates got a girlfriend so I will probably be hanging out with girls a bit more then I normally do,And when girls talk to me I kinda just end the conversation or don't really seem interested in what there saying.
Edit: Might be a bit of a self confidence issue since I generally get on better with slightly over weight girls not sure though.
Oh man, at the moment I do not feel like going out or doing stuff with people. I feel kind of bad.
I just want to be alone at home and play some video games and study for my exams. The only interaction I have right now is with my girlfriend which I really like though and I smoke some hookah regularly with a pal of mine.
I got invited to some parties from really cool guys I met but I wasn't motivated at all.
[QUOTE=junker|154;36257456]Oh man, at the moment I do not feel like going out or doing stuff with people. I feel kind of bad.
I just want to be alone at home and play some video games and study for my exams. The only interaction I have right now is with my girlfriend which I really like though and I smoke some hookah regularly with a pal of mine.
I got invited to some parties from really cool guys I met but I wasn't motivated at all.[/QUOTE]
What motivates you?
That is a silly question, don't you have those days where you are not motived to do any social interactions or such. I have that from time to time, sometimes I am really eager to do stuff with my friends.
Right now what motivates me is completing my exams and studying, I do not want to be so much distracted anyway. I have to study like 5 to 6 hours a day, at night I just want to chill and play some games or spend it with my girlfriend, doing nothing much.
don't worry about it. everyone goes through phases like that, especially during times of exams or other hard work. enjoy your spare time doing what you want to do
i had a tricky time getting a lot of freelance artwork done on a very tight deadline so when i wasn't working i just collapsed at home, maybe played some video games, or went and saw my girlfriend. no way would i want to go clubbing or whatever at a time like that
so yeh don't worry yourself. do what you whatever you want to relax and enjoy yourself. you'll probably get back into the swing of social things once your exams are over
[QUOTE=lum1naire;36256624]So I believe I posted about this before, but I'll elaborate. I began to like this girl way too much, blah blah never made a move really but didn't get to because one of my closest friends kind of swung in and took her for himself. Now that's not to say I had a chance, cause I figure she didn't like me anyways but for some reason I can't seem to get over the fact that one of my closest friends did this while fully being aware of how I felt about her. I feel angry and sad and even though I put up a facade in front of the two that nothing's wrong, I can't seem to get over these feelings.
Basically what should I do to get over this anger and jealously or whatever I'm feeling? I've been harboring it for far too long now, I feel like it's already ruined a friendship.. but nothing can be done about that at this point so I don't know.[/QUOTE]
Jealousy is a bitch. You can do a lot of things in this situation. One is to express how you feel to your friend, I'm sure he'll tell you something along the lines of "screw off," but you could feel better letting your feelings known. Another route is to just stay quiet, and work to change your feelings for this girl to a different one without damaging any of your relationships. The worst possible thing you could do is to profess your emotions to the girl because you'll likely scare her off and your friend will likely be mad you tried to go behind his back.
[editline]9th June 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=junker|154;36257456]Oh man, at the moment I do not feel like going out or doing stuff with people. I feel kind of bad.
I just want to be alone at home and play some video games and study for my exams. The only interaction I have right now is with my girlfriend which I really like though and I smoke some hookah regularly with a pal of mine.
I got invited to some parties from really cool guys I met but I wasn't motivated at all.[/QUOTE]
Sounds like you just need some downtime. It happens to all of us and you shouldn't be concerned with it unless it goes on for longer than 1-2 weeks.
Hi guys,
This is one of my problems. I decided to post this first, solve it, then move on with another problem. (Sorry for the long post really)
I have this best friend (or best friend from what I think). Usually him and I group together with other people. He's a really socially interactive person and he is nice. He's got alot of friends, he's got a girlfriend, his family is rich, he's really smart, he's athletic and he's musical. He's like the perfect person which I portray. However, I'm the complete opposite of him mostly. I do want to be really socially interactive and nice and really try and thrive to do it. But, I lack barely any friends, I have never been in a relationship (a virgin still), my family is rich but doesn't like or allow me to spend compared to my friend, and I falter in education compared to him and a lot of people, although I was a good swimmer once, I lost to one guy and no one considers me good anymore, (shit to be honest), and I played the trumpet but I was the only one who played and everyone considers me to bad, which I am because I lack confidence in playing because no one wants to hear the instrument. Alot of other people play the guitar, drums, clarinet, etc which is considered much more better than the trumpet and the people who play them are considered popular, hot, etc which I ain't defo.
The real problem is, although I consider him as a best friend, when it's just the two of us, we are mostly quiet or we talk seriously. No jokes, no funny conversations, nothing. I don't know why but when he's having a one-to-one conversation with other friends of his, he is really talkative and cracks good jokes (which I'm really bad at).
He has a Skype account like anyone does and he is always involved in "Skyping" with other people. He has lots of posts on his Facebook Wall where as I don't have any. I barely have any of the posts posted by him. He's also a constant texter. He texts alot with other people. When I look at my phone, it is barren and empty. I barely text and I usually am always the one to start a "text conversation" I have nearly no texts or calls. Only occasionally from my mother when she asks me where am I since my bus is late. I once left my phone for a week without checking and basically NO ONE texted or called me at all. Basically if I disappear from this world, I think no one will notice.
We both barely hang out now. He has alot of other friends so he hangs out alot with them. He watches alot of movies, goes bowling, goes clubbing, drinks, etc. I've never drunk or step foot to a club before. I text him, I ask him if we can hangout, he replies that he's either seen alot of the movies, or replies he would go if I ask other people to come which is extremely difficult. Although on his birthdays, I do come over to his house where he's also invited alot of people. I bring a present along and wish him happy birthday happily etc.
And alot of the time, when I talk, I don't have a "topic" or a foundation to have a good talk. I always initiate or say hi to my "best friend" and conversations become short. They are not really paid attention to after 2 to 3 minutes.
In my opinion, I think it's best to tell him and say that I don't want to continue this friendship anymore, that he is not really paying attention to me as a friend and that I wish it was like our old friendship where I felt we had a bit more in common. However, I feel like a ranting bitch at the same time. I don't have alot of friends and if I am left alone, I would be left alone as fuck. I don't know what to do. I'm lost and barred. I have one more whole fucking year to wait till I go to university surrounded by people that don't really like me.
Another thing to note is that I was kind of an "ADHD". I really wanted to be social when I was young and would talk alot and try to hang around with various different people. I didn't really listen to people in school. I only noticed my social communications and skill was fucked up and shit around grade 9 and that I should try to fix this so I did and went to a counsellor. I really thrived to change alot because I want to be social and have a few number of friends. I've become extremely quiet now mostly and I try to listen alot mostly too. However, there has been no change. I think people think of me as the person before counseling and I don't want to say "I'm trying to change" or "I'm sorry for the past me and any damages done, etc" since people might look at me as an attention whore. I have a troubled self. I've always had an interest to be a doctor but since doctors are highly social people, needing to interact with lot of people, I now no longer have any goal or motivation in life too. Sigh..
:v: Anyway my issue got resolved I am going out tonight with some pals watching football, I am quite excited.
@Deathhunter, seems like the issue here isn't really your best friend, but the way you see yourself. Do you enjoy being around other people ? If so, then they probably do too. Do you think that they don't? Is it because you think you're a pain in the ass to be around? It doesn't matter that you're not like your "best friend" , nobody is perfect . If you want to be social , then don't blame yourself for not being so, just try doing so. I kinda live in the same situation as you and I always think that I'm more of a burden than anything else to most people , but it slowly faded after a few years, now I think I'm enjoyable to be around with and it really improved my relations with people - It started when I was 15 , I'm almost 20 now - Don't make this dude your best friend because you think there's no one else you can rely on. Very popular people are NOT reliable. They're funny, outgoing, and often hanging out with others, but they're not best friend material because they often take their social interaction as some sort of challenge.
Anyway, I think you should just do what you want to do and stop being afraid of what people will tell you. If you think you're annoying to be around then you're going to be silent and hurt whenever you're with people and you WILL be annoying to be around. Just say what you have to say, if it doesn't work, then leave. Incompatibilities with other people are natural, but not being honest to yourself is the worst that you can do.
OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS GREAT!
I was having trust issues with this girl i was seeing. She had a go at me saying i needed to trust her more. I said i couldn't because i've been fucked over too much. Then we get into this huge fight and i delete my facebook over it. JUST NOW SHE SENT A TEXT SAYING SHE SLEPT WITH SOME GUY 2 DIFFERENT TIMES WHILE ME AND HER WERE GETTING BACK.
AND SHE WONDERED WHY I COULDN'T FUCKING TRUST HER.
I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY LIFE.
I know that feel, bro. Just tell yourself you've been right all along and that you wouldn't want to date someone like that anyway.
[QUOTE=I ARE REPTAR;36259732]OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS GREAT!
I was having trust issues with this girl i was seeing. She had a go at me saying i needed to trust her more. I said i couldn't because i've been fucked over too much. Then we get into this huge fight and i delete my facebook over it. JUST NOW SHE SENT A TEXT SAYING SHE SLEPT WITH SOME GUY 2 DIFFERENT TIMES WHILE ME AND HER WERE GETTING BACK.
AND SHE WONDERED WHY I COULDN'T FUCKING TRUST HER.
I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY LIFE.[/QUOTE]
Holy fuck, that sounds really harsh. Just move on, best way to do it. Or if you want to cause even greater problems. Bitchslap her :v: your satisfaction will rise so much.
[QUOTE=junker|154;36259863]Holy fuck, that sounds really harsh. Just move on, best way to do it. Or if you want to cause even greater problems. Bitchslap her :v: your satisfaction will rise so much.[/QUOTE]
And this is the girl i gave a second chance to after she ditched me at that party to smoke weed with her friends. I posted a while ago about it. God damn i fucking hate people. Everyone's so fake. Everyone lies and hurts others. No one ever fucking thinks they just do.
Do not overgeneralize people, my ex was really ridiculously jealous at everyone. She fucked up a lot of things, still I believed in something good. My current girlfriend is not that jealous and has a lot of better traits than she does.
But I understand your rage, go punch something or break stuff, it always helps for me. Or I listen to some heavy music and scream like a fucking berserker.
[QUOTE=junker|154;36259964]Do not overgeneralize people, my ex was really ridiculously jealous at everyone. She fucked up a lot of things, still I believed in something good. My current girlfriend is not that jealous and has a lot of better traits than she does.
But I understand your rage, go punch something or break stuff, it always helps for me. Or I listen to some heavy music and scream like a fucking berserker.[/QUOTE]
I haven't punched a wall like that in my life. Oh man. I sure know how to pick em.
[QUOTE=I ARE REPTAR;36260015]I haven't punched a wall like that in my life. Oh man. I sure know how to pick em.[/QUOTE]
Kinda funny how we always pick the ones that are the most bitchy and don't even consider the others, eh? I guess that "Girls always date assholes" apply to us too.
What do you mean by [i]to us[/i]
[QUOTE=junker|154;36260033]What do you mean by [i]to us[/i][/QUOTE]
Men in general, really. I do that same mistake too . I'm a very honest and sensitive guy and I want that from my gf as well yet I always find myself to fall deeply in love with liars and hypocrites.
I think that is only a self-serving belief to feel yourself better, nobody is a saint in this world. Especially in relationships. Everyone makes mistakes, some exagerate but the world is not full of bitches.
I thought somewhat the same but I noticed that I had an arrogant attitude and I did some bad moves which are absolutly horrible, without noticing it myself.
[QUOTE=junker|154;36260234]I think that is only a self-serving belief to feel yourself better, nobody is a saint in this world. Especially in relationships. Everyone makes mistakes, some exagerate but the world is not full of bitches.
I thought somewhat the same but I noticed that I had an arrogant attitude and I did some bad moves which are absolutly horrible, without noticing it myself.[/QUOTE]
Did that too. I'm really sad right now because my "girlfriend" "cheated" on me 2 weeks after we broke up - which isn't that bad when you look at it objectively , it's just that we're kinda trying to get back together - yet I did the exact same thing to someone else a few years back. People aren't really assholes I suppose, but making them too important can turn something that's not so much of a big deal into a crazy amount of pain.
You seem like a cool guy, because a lot of people have this attitude "good guys deserve good girls, but get bad ones".
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36260347]Did that too. I'm really sad right now because my "girlfriend" "cheated" on me 2 weeks after we broke up - which isn't that bad when you look at it objectively , it's just that we're kinda trying to get back together - yet I did the exact same thing to someone else a few years back. People aren't really assholes I suppose, but making them too important can turn something that's not so much of a big deal into a crazy amount of pain.[/QUOTE]
"girlfriend" "cheated" on you 2 weeks after you broke up?
no she didn't, she got with someone when you two were no longer together. i can't understand why you'd even want to put it in quotation marks, it's just untrue.
[QUOTE=Autumn;36260498]"girlfriend" "cheated" on you 2 weeks after you broke up?
no she didn't, she got with someone when you two were no longer together. i can't understand why you'd even want to put it in quotation marks, it's just untrue.[/QUOTE]
Because we're still both in love with each other and we're both willing to get back together , there simply are physical reasons that are keeping us from doing so, and we're hurting each other a lot in the process. She doesn't clearly know if what she wants - remaining my girlfriend - makes up for what she doesn't want - living 3 hours away from her boyfriend. So it's a difficult situation I'm in right now because we both want to be together and she's got this strange way of viewing things like "If we're not together right now, it's no biggie if we fuck someone else " and I can't really accept this, no matter how hard I try, I am very touchy emotionally and this kind of stuff breaks my heart . I'm not asking for an answer, just explaining the situation,really.
You're probably right , but you know how emotions make you unable to accept stuff that makes sense within reason. I.e it wouldn't change shit about my relationship with her if I banged someone else right now. I just don't want to.
okay but you really, really need to remember that
[B]you were not together[/B]
and even though it may well make you feel like shit, she did nothing wrong and if you let it bother you you're not helping anything at all
[editline]9th June 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36260637]and she's got this strange way of viewing things like "If we're not together right now, it's no biggie if we fuck someone else "[/QUOTE]
uhm, nope that seems pretty normal to me.
Opinions, opinions, really. I think that doing someone else while you're in love with someone is lying to both yourself and the one you love , even if you tell them. But I see sex as some accomplishment of love and the way some people see it as a stress relief or an ego-boost disgusts me. That probably is immature or ridiculously sentimental of me , yet I can't really help it.
And thanks for your help, btw.
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36260774]Opinions, opinions, really. I think that doing someone else while you're in love with someone is lying to both yourself and the one you love , even if you tell them. But I see sex as some accomplishment of love and the way some people see it as a stress relief or an ego-boost disgusts me. [b]That probably is immature or ridiculously sentimental of me , yet I can't really help it.[/b]
And thanks for your help, btw.[/QUOTE]
... I'm glad you realized this.
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36260774]Opinions, opinions, really. I think that doing someone else while you're in love with someone is lying to both yourself and the one you love , even if you tell them. But I see sex as some accomplishment of love and the way some people see it as a stress relief or an ego-boost disgusts me. [B]That probably is immature[/B] or ridiculously sentimental of me , yet I can't really help it.
And thanks for your help, btw.[/QUOTE]
Yep, pretty much!
As Autumn said, you two weren't together. Your ex girlfriend tried meeting new people and moving on, which is a normal and healthy thing to do. It's not only immature, but a bit unsettling that you would still refer to her as your girlfriend and accuse her of cheating on you a full two weeks after you'd already broken up.
If you end up getting back together with her, as you seem to be trying to do, holding this above her head would be a really bad idea. She didn't do anything wrong, after all! Even if you [I]don't[/I] get back together, dwelling on this line of thought would be seriously uncool.
You oughta sit down, have a serious heart-to-heart with yourself, and pull your head out of yer bum. You'll be much happier for it!
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