• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
yes blame t mobile that is a good way to solve problems
[QUOTE=Cheesemonkey;36303896]some cute girl works at subway and we MADE S CONNECTION but i cant give her my number because i don't have one and havent for like a week because tmobile can't fucking ship sim cards in a timely manner and the store wont sell prepaid sims or sign me up without a contract[/QUOTE] Use pigeon carriers...
[QUOTE=Cheesemonkey;36303896]some cute girl works at subway and we MADE S CONNECTION but i cant give her my number because i don't have one and havent for like a week because tmobile can't fucking ship sim cards in a timely manner and the store wont sell prepaid sims or sign me up without a contract[/QUOTE] Remember before cellphones when you would just ask them on a date right then and there? ..Neither do I But looks like thats what your gunna have to do
Me and two other guys used to be best friends, but I was always sort of excluded from both of them cause I used to be an emotional little shit. Well at the end of middle school we had a biigg fight and I broke off from both of them, one of them just forgot about me while the other started becoming buddy buddy with the local douchebags and tortured me for the rest of the year. Now in high school, I made up with the distant kid so things are a lot less tense when I have to talk to him for something, but the other is in half my classes and is still best friends with the other and I [I]fucking hate it.[/I] Dunno, just wanted to get it out, have not said anything about it to anyone.
I fucking [I]hate[/I] talking on the phone. I will never answer the phone unless someone texts me first and tells me what they want to talk to me about. And I will always email/live chat a company before I call their support centres. My friends get pissed when I ignore all their calls. I don't know how to get over this. [editline].[/editline] Right after I posted my mom game in my room and said someone was on the phone for me. :suicide:
[QUOTE=BoosLee;36303684]My situation: I've been working at a cafe for the last year, there is also one next door, a cute girl works there. But I haven't ever spoken to her at all for the all this time, being an idiot I played the cool card (and i've always been incredibly shy). Anyways I've been trying to break that habit and spoke a tiny bit with her a couple of weeks ago, the opportunity to stand around and have small talk is difficult when we're working. On top of this, she likes and has slept with one of the other guys at work. I've discussed it with the said guy, who isn't emotionally attached to her but just wants to fuck. She's apparently head over heels for him. My question now is - would it be rude/selfish of me to just walk up to this chick and tell her that despite the fact I know she likes the other guy, I still find her really attractive and just wanna get to know her? etc etc Might be a completely stupid situation, but any advice would be cool.[/QUOTE] Definitely do not mention the other guy at all, hell don't even think about it. Just go talk to her when you can, be casual about it, be playful, make her laugh, then when you have to leave or go back to work just say something like, "hey we should get together over coffee after work, when do you finish?" or whatever works in the moment. Don't fret so much about it dude, she's just some girl that works next to you! A girl from my primary school added me on FB today, she posted on my wall and we caught up briefly over the comments then I got her number via messages. Holy shit did she become attractive in those 6 years we didn't see each other, and apparently she's got a book coming out in August so that's pretty cool. ...She also may or may not be a lesbian but hey, we'll see what happens.
[QUOTE=Cheesemonkey;36303896]some cute girl works at subway and we MADE S CONNECTION but i cant give her my number because i don't have one and havent for like a week because tmobile can't fucking ship sim cards in a timely manner and the store wont sell prepaid sims or sign me up without a contract[/QUOTE] Explain that you're having a SIM card shipped in, and ask her if you can add her on Facebook or something.
[QUOTE=Electroholic;36309404]I fucking [I]hate[/I] talking on the phone. I will never answer the phone unless someone texts me first and tells me what they want to talk to me about. And I will always email/live chat a company before I call their support centres. My friends get pissed when I ignore all their calls. I don't know how to get over this. [editline].[/editline] Right after I posted my mom game in my room and said someone was on the phone for me. :suicide:[/QUOTE] I can understand having issues with calling people, but people calling you? They obviously have something to talk about so it's not gonna be awkward or whatever, can't you just say hello and then see what they want?
[QUOTE=Electroholic;36309404]I fucking [I]hate[/I] talking on the phone. I will never answer the phone unless someone texts me first and tells me what they want to talk to me about. And I will always email/live chat a company before I call their support centres. My friends get pissed when I ignore all their calls. I don't know how to get over this. [editline].[/editline] Right after I posted my mom game in my room and said someone was on the phone for me. :suicide:[/QUOTE] I used to be like this, but then I realized that it's okay to have a short phone conversation. You don't need to pad it with three hours of small talk, just call, talk about what you wanted to talk about, and then say "Well, I'm gonna go. I'll see ya" or just start it off with a "hey, what's up?" Usually, if a friend calls to tell you something, no matter what about, and you don't feel there's anything left to say after you've reacted to it and had your conversation, just say "well, thanks for calling to tell me about it. I'll talk to you later."
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;36309534]Definitely do not mention the other guy at all, hell don't even think about it. Just go talk to her when you can, be casual about it, be playful, make her laugh, then when you have to leave or go back to work just say something like, "hey we should get together over coffee after work, when do you finish?" or whatever works in the moment. Don't fret so much about it dude, she's just some girl that works next to you! [/QUOTE] Yeah, I think you're right about just have some casual small talk at the moment. Build it up till I know her a bit better. One of my close friends mentioned something along the lines of doing this for now.
[QUOTE=Jonii;36310014]I used to be like this, but then I realized that it's okay to have a short phone conversation. You don't need to pad it with three hours of small talk, just call, talk about what you wanted to talk about, and then say "Well, I'm gonna go. I'll see ya" or just start it off with a "hey, what's up?" Usually, if a friend calls to tell you something, no matter what about, and you don't feel there's anything left to say after you've reacted to it and had your conversation, just say "well, thanks for calling to tell me about it. I'll talk to you later."[/QUOTE] Yeah I think a lot of the problem is I don't know what to say. Often when I'm on the phone with someone there are very long awkward silences. I have a harder time breaking an awkward silence on the phone compared to talking in person. And I feel like if I just say "I'm gunna go, cya later", they will feel like I'm trying to avoid talking to them or something. I think another part I don't like about being on the phone is that I'm slow at making decisions. If someone says "Hey do you wanna hang out tonight" I'll probably say sure on the phone, and then regret in a few minutes when I realize I have other plans or something. Whereas texting, I can give things a little more time to think about. Welcome to my psychologically fucked brain. :v:
Personally, I can't talk on the phone because I have a minor hearing impediment, and am used to relying on watching peoples' lips to pick up on the words I miss them saying. Well, when you're on the phone, you can't really watch peoples' lips, so I find myself constantly asking the other person to repeat themselves. I just feel absolutely awful when the person on the other hand has an accent or speaks quietly. I feel like such an ass. I try to avoid talking on the phone whenever possible. :v:
I'm an expert at talking on the phone. In the silken tones of a caucasian moviephone announcer, I make small talk my bitch.
Is it normal to have bad social anxiety in the morning/early day but in the afternoons be confident and silky smooth? Because that's how I am. Especially in the mornings, I'm a trainwreck but once the afternoon starts I have no problems.
What makes your mornings any different than your afternoons?
[QUOTE=Jonii;36310014]I used to be like this, but then I realized that it's okay to have a short phone conversation. You don't need to pad it with three hours of small talk, just call, talk about what you wanted to talk about, and then say "Well, I'm gonna go. I'll see ya" or just start it off with a "hey, what's up?" Usually, if a friend calls to tell you something, no matter what about, and you don't feel there's anything left to say after you've reacted to it and had your conversation, just say "well, thanks for calling to tell me about it. I'll talk to you later."[/QUOTE] For me there's a huge difference with female friends and male friends. Whenever I call a guy friend it will consist of about three sentences "Hey want to go to x pub tonight?", "Yeah, 9?", "Sick see you then". But when it's with girls we update each other on what we've been up to and talk about friends and stuff despite me only wanting to know if they're up for the pub.
How can I pull myself out of the pit which is me still being hung up on my ex? It's making lack in motivation to do anything in my life at the moment.
[QUOTE=Jacko245;36312903]How can I pull myself out of the pit which is me still being hung up on my ex? It's making lack in motivation to do anything in my life at the moment.[/QUOTE] Look in the mirror and decide.
[QUOTE=Disseminate;36295777]I highly doubt you have genuine social anxiety. You can go outside without being petrified that people are watching you, you can probably eat in public, you can talk to people that aren't girls. It's more likely that you're just really shy. I was just like you, and used social anxiety as a crutch to blame for my bad social skills. Basically, practice makes perfect, and googling 'how to talk to girls' doesn't work. [/QUOTE] I am petrified people are watching me, can't really eat in public, and I can talk to like 5 people who are my friends. I'm not trying to make excuses or something, I just wanted to clarify that. Probably isn't social anxiety at all... I will try to just dive into the conversation, but I get so afraid that I'll say something wrong that I just say "yeah, okay". [editline]13th June 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Autumn;36299178]well if you're calling it "social anxiety or paranoia or whatever" then it sounds like you haven't actually been diagnosed with anything, so your first stop should probably be to go see a therapist/councillor/somebody that can help you, as they will understand and be able to help you much more. the advice posted still stands, but if you're serious about getting help i think it needs to be from somewhere more than an internet forum.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry, I just said "social anxiety or paranoia or whatever" because I haven't been diagnosed with anything. I don't want to diagnose myself with something, but I get all the effects associated with social anxiety.
[QUOTE=Jacko245;36312903]How can I pull myself out of the pit which is me still being hung up on my ex? It's making lack in motivation to do anything in my life at the moment.[/QUOTE] Hang out with your friends. That's really the best advice I can give, go out with your best friends and enjoy yourself, get used to being sociable and being an individual again. Also, perhaps picking up a hobby along the way. I've started playing guitar, and it might sound a bit stupid, but it's helped a lot in terms of taking my mind off of my ex.
This is it guys. Tomorrow will make or break everything. I thought about everything in my life and where i'd be in 5 years. Every time it was with her. After everything, i still wanted her there. She said we wont ever make it and we shouldn't bother trying so i sent her this: I made everyone promises i never kept. I just said it so everyone thought life would be better if i kept them. But i never did. I just ended up forgetting to keep it or too busy playing games. I haven't played any games since you sent me that text. I uninstalled them all. I want to change because of what i did to you and me. I shut out everyone. I just thought no one would care about what i have to say or what i think. The only people that stayed with me the entire time were my friends i played games with. I could just get home and know they were waiting every single night to have a laugh with me and make me smile when the world outside is a massive shit hole to me. When you left i just kept thinking you'd do it again. I didn't even consider the fact that you truly wanted to stay this time. And so i blew it. I fucked up bad. I post on a forum with randoms all over the world asking for social help. I posted telling them about the night at Ks house and how shit i felt because i thought you ditched me. That night was like high school all over again. Anyways they said you seemed interested still and wanted to make it up to me. So me being the absolute fucking idiot i am, waited for you to do something. I refused to type hi on fb or send a morning text because i just wanted to feel like someone was out there waking up with a smile knowing i was alive. Or getting home from a shit day and finally smiling when they start talking to you on facebook. And you didn't reply. So i thought you didn't cared. I didn't realise you were too busy because D (My best friend) was on skype with me and he wouldn't stop talking about you. And how you and him had been talking for days straight. I just didn't know. I'm sorry. Even if i didn't know about B (Guy she slept with while we were trying to sort things out) i'd still be here. It's not something i'm just doing because i feel bad. I'm doing it because out of everything in my fucked up world you shine the brightest. Everytime i see a couple on tv i think of you. Everytime i hear anything relevant to couples i think about me and you. You've been in my head for so long i don't want you to leave. I don't want to hate anymore. I want to love. It sounds cheesy but i don't care. I'm sick of being that angry scene kid in the group. All i ever do is complain about my life being shit and ive never done anything about it. Until now. I know it's too late but i have to try L. What is life without a purpose? I watched skins because you talked about it at that party. In one of the episodes the stalker girl asks Anwar where he'd be in 5 years. I thought about it and the first thing that popped into my head was living with you. It didn't matter where or what i was doing, every scenario i had you next to me. I remember when i first met your group of friends i always just told everyone i wanted to run away. I needed to leave here because no one liked me. I was hated by so many people it was ridiculous. They made facebook hate groups about me. Now i hear about kids committing suicide over things like that. And people calling them stupid. No one understands what it's like to be truly alone. No one knows what it's like to live when the only people acknowledging your existence are people telling you to kill yourself. I hear people talk about their highschool lives out at parties, hanging with friends and kissing girls. I think about my highschool life and it's tears blurring my computer screen. But i'm out of highschool now. I have friends that like me for me. Even if im still a loser. I want to trust people and i want you to trust me. I know it's a huge ask. But my eyes are open now. I've gotten over girls before L so don't say i'm not willing to try and move on. Don't say i'm just being a silly teenager boy that refuses to get over his first love. I'm finding a purpose now. And i know you still love me. This could well be the last time i ever say goodbye to you L. I'm going to be home alone all day tomorrow. If you truly believe we're through forever, stay home. If you want to get over me and rid me from your life, stay home. But this is it L. If no one knocks on my door i'll leave you alone. I'll know that you don't love me anymore and i'll let you be happy. It's your decision and your life. 5 Years from now try to remember tomorrow and don't regret it. Goodbye L. I love you more than anything. Remember that.
Whoa man You really laid an ultimatum on her there As well a whole load of other heavy shit I really think you should have talked everything out face to face instead of sending her the text to end all texts
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;36313520]Whoa man You really laid an ultimatum on her there As well a whole load of other heavy shit I really think you should have talked everything out face to face instead of sending her the text to end all texts[/QUOTE] We talked yesterday face to face and nothing changed, She gave me the whole "I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be with you but I know I can't. I guess I just need time again. Ugh I don't fucking know" Atleast i'll know tomorrow if she's worth crying over anymore
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;36313520] I really think you should have talked everything out face to face instead of sending her the text to end all texts[/QUOTE] Yeah, holy shit. Ok, there's two ways to look at this: The first is, it's a whole lot easier to write all that shit, because: A) She's not there to potentially interrupt your thoughts or distract you, so you can clearly write what you think. but B) It's a bit unfair to her, essentially dumping everything on her. It just sucks. And it's a bit self serving, tbh. Talking it out might be more confusing and leave you a bit unsatisfied, so if it really comes down to this as the final thing, then fair enough. I mean, she treated you a bit shittily with the whole ditching and such etc. etc., but I don't think that it's realistic to expect this to work out. Good luck bro.
[QUOTE=KnowProblem;36313694]Yeah, holy shit. Ok, there's two ways to look at this: The first is, it's a whole lot easier to write all that shit, because: A) She's not there to potentially interrupt your thoughts or distract you, so you can clearly write what you think. but B) It's a bit unfair to her, essentially dumping everything on her. It just sucks. And it's a bit self serving, tbh. Talking it out might be more confusing and leave you a bit unsatisfied, so if it really comes down to this as the final thing, then fair enough. I mean, she treated you a bit shittily with the whole ditching and such etc. etc., but I don't think that it's realistic to expect this to work out. Good luck bro.[/QUOTE] 3 years of changing our minds. Going back and forth. I want it now or i don't want it at all. She's had her chance to call it with me hundreds of times. One time we called it official and after 4 days she dumped me because she wasn't over her ex. Then came back a week later asking for me back. It's been back and forth and i'm sick of it all.
Jesus fuck that was heavy. Listen dude, I'll be blunt about this; it's just too late. You're clutching desperately at the final straws of a dying relationship and the whole thing just looks like a car crash in slow motion from here. She's going to read that and feel fucking awful because you've just given her such an awkward, and honestly rather selfish ultimatum and the only reason she'd come back to you is because you've guilted her into it, which would fall apart again anyway. It just doesn't work like that, you won't ever get a girl's attraction back by throwing her something like that man. I've been on both ends of that type of message and trust me, by the time you're resorting to shit like that, it's as good as over. You'll learn a lot from this though, but only if you let yourself. Just keep pushing yourself through it, don't do anything stupid, don't try get her back again or anything, and really just start focusing on yourself for a while. I don't know you, but I can assume a few things from that message and this whole situation, and I really think you should take this crucial time to stop, reflect and actually get a glimpse of the bigger picture: You're young, you've just moved out of high-school, you haven't seen even a fraction of what the world (and its women) have to offer, and she's just some girl which happens to be your first serious break-up. Yes, she IS just some girl, you ARE just some guy, and this really is just any other breakup. No, I know, you love her, yes I know, she's 'special' and you're 'different', but you're not listening to me. All those cliches, you'll meet someone else, there's thousands of other fish in the sea, blah blah I realize how meaningless they all seem to you right now, but I fucking promise you, I wouldn't be saying what I'm saying to you now if I hadn't been where you're at right now. There's literally thousands of other girls out there that can and one day WILL make you happier than you've ever been, happier than she's ever made you. You will be happy again, you will love again, it's just a matter of getting to that point sooner rather than later. Just be thankful that you've been given the opportunity to learn everything you can from this experience now rather than years and years down the line. I say this to people here so often that it feels a bit weird to repeat myself, but the next few weeks, even months, they're going to hurt, a fucking lot. Saying that though, you shouldn't try and force anything, don't deny how you feel, don't try and escape your feelings or lie to yourself and say you're all fine. That's unhealthy and won't provide you with the right mentality to take away as much as you can from this whole ordeal. Of course, on the other hand, don't just let yourself slip downwards into a vicious cycle of being miserable and feeling sorry for yourself because again, that's not beneficial and is only going to prolong the healing process. Accept the situation for what it is, and keep moving forward. With all the mushy self-reflective rambling out the way (where's Seith at?), in terms of actual practical advice, just avoid contact with her. No really, I can't stress it enough, you're not ready to be friends and even when you think you are, you probably aren't, and any attempts at talking to her again now are just going to confuse you, her, or the both of you, ultimately just prolonging the time it takes for you to both move on. Go no-contact, don't text, don't call, don't Skype, don't poke her on Facebook, just lay the fuck off for a while. Out of sight = out of mind, and that's exactly what you need right now. You've spent the last 3 years building up your life around a girl, associating all of your feelings of happiness, love, connection, all around the one girl, planning your future and envisioning yourself anywhere as long as that one girl was there; are you starting to see why it hurts so much now? Take her out of the equation and this is what you're left with, and this is why it's so important to build /yourself/ up first, into a self-confident, independent, fulfilled person. You need to learn to love yourself before you even try consider loving someone else or letting someone else love you, and that's why this post-breakup period is so important for you to absorb, reflect upon, and actually learn from. I don't even know why I typed so much but eh maybe there was something there for you. If you take one thing away from all of it though, let it be this: You'll get to the end of this. You will smile again, you will love again, I promise. Learn to love yourself for who you are, find your comfort and happiness in that knowledge, and the rest will fall into place. All the best dude, I really mean it.
Wow that is really selfish, you're bombarding her with emotional grief when you could have just simply broken it off in person like we told you to. Please follow Dark Light's advice, the end of a relationship is not the end of the world.
[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;36312021]Is it normal to have bad social anxiety in the morning/early day but in the afternoons be confident and silky smooth? Because that's how I am. Especially in the mornings, I'm a trainwreck but once the afternoon starts I have no problems.[/QUOTE] do you happen to skip breakfast I get cranky when I don't eat, and it took me a while to realize this. I just gotta make sure I'm not hungry if I want to be a sociable person
Dark light's post should go in the next OP. Brilliantly put.
i just can't keep myself awake throughout the day. it sucks because i always get super awkward when i'm tired, and i really need to be on top of my game for this girl i'm dating. how can i fix this?
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