The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Rusty100;36395714]haha, yes. because absolutely everyone's strengths and weaknesses are entirely determined from their birth.
derrrr[/QUOTE]
seith's sarcastic attempt to make a stupid point was mind-blowingly retarded as always, but you definitely let it go over your head
[QUOTE=Autumn;36403012]maybe she just wants to see you to catch up and see how you're doing...
[editline]19th June 2012[/editline]
(mostly you need to calm down though)[/QUOTE]
It's been like a few days since it happened. Not much to "catch up" to.
And calm down? Yes, but I can't since she is so random. It sounds weird without bringing up examples but I don't feel like writing an essay.
[QUOTE=CommanderPT;36403087]It's been like a few days since it happened. Not much to "catch up" to.[/QUOTE]
and? if you're a good friends of hers like she says then why wouldn't she want to see you?
and i still don't see what her being "random" has to do with you seeming so angry about this. if she's winding you up then go find something else to put your mind to until you've calmed down, there's no use in getting annoyed
[QUOTE=Autumn;36403174]and? if you're a good friends of hers like she says then why wouldn't she want to see you?
and i still don't see what her being "random" has to do with you seeming so angry about this. if she's winding you up then go find something else to put your mind to until you've calmed down, there's no use in getting annoyed[/QUOTE]
Because I told her that I like her maybe? It will just be weird and most likely a very bad idea. And by random is that she keeps changing her mind.
Her:"Hey want to come to this graduation party with me?"
Me:"Sounds good."
Day after
Me: "So what happens today exactly?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "The graduation party."
Her: "Oh, haha I was just joking, you don't know anyone there :)"
And then later she still tells me to come along anyway. Which I didn't because I was sick of her randomness and ended up where I am now by telling her that I won't come since I have no idea what she wants.
[B]Edit:
[/B]I think I'll just be honest with her and say that it is probably a bad idea since I told her I needed time to "reset".
[QUOTE=CommanderPT;36403261]Because I told her that I like her maybe? It will just be weird and most likely a very bad idea. And by random is that she keeps changing her mind.
Her:"Hey want to come to this graduation party with me?"
Me:"Sounds good."
Day after
Me: "So what happens today exactly?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "The graduation party."
Her: "Oh, haha I was just joking, you don't know anyone there :)"
And then later she still tells me to come along anyway. Which I didn't because I was sick of her randomness and ended up where I am now by telling her that I won't come since I have no idea what she wants.[/QUOTE]
These are the worst kind of people to deal with. It's tricky.
Step 1. put some distance between you. Take some time off from replying to her texts etc.
She will then probably make up her mind fairly sharpish that she either does or doesn't want you in her life. Either way, give her a bit more time, let her be sure of it before you go back to making contact. If you start talking to her again and she carries on flipping back and forth all the time, just walk away. She's not worth your time as a friend or partner, she's just going to drag you along for a ride and it's going to be both painful and humiliating for you.
If it was me, I'd probably just tell her where to stick her indecision from the off and find better friends/people to be with.
[QUOTE=CommanderPT;36403261]Because I told her that I like her maybe? It will just be weird and most likely a very bad idea. And by random is that she keeps changing her mind.
Her:"Hey want to come to this graduation party with me?"
Me:"Sounds good."
Day after
Me: "So what happens today exactly?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "The graduation party."
Her: "Oh, haha I was just joking, you don't know anyone there :)"
And then later she still tells me to come along anyway. Which I didn't because I was sick of her randomness and ended up where I am now by telling her that I won't come since I have no idea what she wants.
[B]Edit:
[/B]I think I'll just be honest with her and say that it is probably a bad idea since I told her I needed time to "reset".[/QUOTE]
You totally let her play with you. She seem sto be joking about your interest and at the end you end up acting based on her instead of what's better for you.
You could have gone to the party. who cares if you don't know anyone, she would definitely not want to be near you there all the time and she's not dying of love for you so you could easily meet new people there.
On the other hand you could not go and don't give her an explanation in the process. You don't owe her that much, she's just your friend. You seem like you're depending on what she wants to do what you want. And she sees this, therefore she's playing with you. I would say she's kinda trying to keep you on the hook but I don't have that much information to support that theory.
You have to man up a little and do things by yourself despite acting out of intimidation from a girl you're interested in.
Calm down and move on with your life. go to Stockholm, meet new people, and if in the meantime she calls you to meet, well, why the fuck not? Just don't make decisions entirely based on her. You 2 didn't even had anything romantic. It's a crush and it will be easy to forget.
[B]Anyway, my story:[/B]
So, the foreign girl I was talking about some posts ago left to Paris a couple of weeks ago, and since both me and her were swamped in work and were just able to go out twice, we didn't have time to say goodbye. I only knew when I texted her on facebook.
I could see she really enjoyed her stay and that from the look on her face and the way she talked to me, that I left a good impression. She even told that she'd like to come back in august on vacation so she can meet my country better and so we could have more time to arrange things to do.
This girl is something. I can barely talk to her through messenger cause she's working all the time. But she's really awesome in person, and I'm kinda thinking about she telling that she would come back.
Now that I think of it, a part of me kinda fears she's not coming back at all in August or that I would never see her again. I mean, she's travelling all the time and meets all kinds of new people. Maybe I was just another cool person she met among others and maybe she just said it to be nice or probably, on the other hand, I'm being insecure. I don't know.
I think I'm dweling on this matters because I'm having a huge Holiday this summer and it's kinda weird cause I've been swamped with work, always wishing to be on vacation and working hard for passing everything by tests and not exams, that now that I really made it with no exams, I don't know what to do with so much free time. I'm not spending my days in front of the computer that's for sure, but I kinda feel weird going out alone, and going for walks alone and to the beach alone. It's kind of Ironic cause I worked so damn hard this semester to pass everything by tests that now that I'm having this huge holidays, whenever I call my friends trying to go out and meet, they're all busy studying for their exams.
Shit! :v:
Sounds like a good idears, bucky
[QUOTE=CommanderPT;36403261]Because I told her that I like her maybe? It will just be weird and most likely a very bad idea. And by random is that she keeps changing her mind.
Her:"Hey want to come to this graduation party with me?"
Me:"Sounds good."
Day after
Me: "So what happens today exactly?"
Her: "What?"
Me: "The graduation party."
Her: "Oh, haha I was just joking, you don't know anyone there :)"
And then later she still tells me to come along anyway. Which I didn't because I was sick of her randomness and ended up where I am now by telling her that I won't come since I have no idea what she wants.
[B]Edit:
[/B]I think I'll just be honest with her and say that it is probably a bad idea since I told her I needed time to "reset".[/QUOTE]
She sounds hilarious
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36405537]You totally let her play with you. She seem sto be joking about your interest and at the end you end up acting based on her instead of what's better for you.
You could have gone to the party. who cares if you don't know anyone, she would definitely not want to be near you there all the time and she's not dying of love for you so you could easily meet new people there.
On the other hand you could not go and don't give her an explanation in the process. You don't owe her that much, she's just your friend. You seem like you're depending on what she wants to do what you want. And she sees this, therefore she's playing with you. I would say she's kinda trying to keep you on the hook but I don't have that much information to support that theory.
You have to man up a little and do things by yourself despite acting out of intimidation from a girl you're interested in.
Calm down and move on with your life. go to Stockholm, meet new people, and if in the meantime she calls you to meet, well, why the fuck not? Just don't make decisions entirely based on her. You 2 didn't even had anything romantic. It's a crush and it will be easy to forget.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah I feel like going to Stockholm. Even if she magically changed her mind she is still messing with me, or so it seems. I guess I can meet her one last time but it still sounds like a bad idea. Oh well, life goes on.
Edit:
There we go, applied to Stockholm. Time to leave Skåne behind me! Into the future I ride! Metaphorically, I would probably fall off the horse if I tried to do it.
Why does it sound like a bad idea? I think your being a little insecure about her. Don't be. Just take what comes with tranquility. You have to put those insecurities apart and assume whatever comes as "I'm ok with it".
If she asks you to go out one last time, I don't see the harm in it. Go out, have some coffee or something, chat. Just don't talk about your feeling about her and that shit. It's just a normal day for both of you.
If not, then life goes on.
Funny thing cause the girl that came visiting my country was Swedish too.
I really need help, people. I'm in a horrible situation right now and it's eating me alive more and more every day. I don't know what to do and there's no one I can ask for advice.
So I was dating this girl who lived in another country and I was supposed to move there (in another town) but at some point she flipped out and she decided to break up because she said we'd still be too far from each other then.
I was REALLY madly in love with her and that got me absolutely depressed and I quit eating for two weeks or so. Then,I cut contact for a while,felt a little better, but I missed her and make the mistake of going back to her, then we started talking again like 2 weeks after that. For a month, it's been nothing but twisted shit. She keeps coming back to me every 3 days or so only to ask me how I'm doing . I tell her I don't want to talk as a friend because my feelings are too strong. She says she still loves me , yet she's not trying to do anything to make things better and she's outright flirting with another dude on facebook and it makes me feel so bad I get sick and throw up. I don't know what to do.
Cut contact again. Don't talk to her, delete her from fb and don't look at any online profiles she has. It doesn't matter what she says, it's what she's doing that counts. There's no reason whatsoever to prolong the separation for yourself, just burn the bridge and let the wound heal. Maybe take up some activity to occupy yourself. Talk to friends as much as possible.
I will try to do that. Thanks for the advice.
Why do so many people freak out about the friendzone?
It's one thing if a guy tries to act really nice and sweet to a girl and then ends up being a total asshole the moment she says no. That's obviously the sign of a jerkoff. But it's like if you just say "Oh, she's not into me. I'm in the friendzone," it's like you're taking her for granted so you must be a "nice guy" douchebag. And then if a girl uses the term they're somehow pardoned from any of the negative connotations that guys have to put up with.
How do you have so much friends?
The only people I treat as friends are my well known classmates and nobody else. One of my friend invited me to go out drinking at a bar (because I've never drunk alcohol) and he will invite other people too who I don't know. I don't know what to think about it because the worst can happen is I end up in a douchebag group. I always had problems with douchebags who bullied me because I can't defend myself from any shit, nor I'm not strong enough to beat the shit out of them, and I don't want to make it happen again.
What to do? Cancel the invitation or just try to making friends of them (even if they are douchbags)?
Also, if I get into another group of people, is there a high chance that I might find a girl who I can attract and get her as girlfriend?
I've read the guide in the OP but I can't be confidient with myself, and I don't know why. I've tried out doing some sport, some hobbies like developing game content or programming, photographing, sound and music creating, video making and editing, administrating Linux, helping others with stuff, cooking, diy and a little exploring. Basically I've tried out wide variety of stuff and I know a lot about them, but I still don't know what the fuck I really want to do, and it feels really weird. It's like you can do anything you want without any problem and without studying more, but you still didn't do anything big with it and sometimes feels like you don't want to do do that. The only thing I didn't try out is getting a girlfriend, driving, being the leader, and doing job (but I'll get a job this year).
These things may be out of context and/or doesn't relate to anything, but I don't want to create another thread just for helping myself so I hope it won't be a problem posting it there.
Cookies for someone who spot the problem.
I suggest going out. Worse comes to worst, if you really feel uncomfortable around the other friends he will invite, you can always try to bail. Take a shot though - a lot of times the "douchebags" end up being okay guys who are more or less worth knowing. I've met a lot of guys who I thought would act like jerks, but ended up being really friendly and polite folks. Same goes for girls too - most folks are really just looking to get along with each other, nothing more and nothing less.
Also it's really not the quantity, but the quality of a friendship. A lot of people are just naturally introverted and don't have as many friends, but if they can connect, be comfortable, and be all-around "social" with those friends, then it doesn't really matter so much. As long as they can keep an open-mind, they don't need to push themselves to be extroverted if it's straining.
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36411788]I will try to do that. Thanks for the advice.[/QUOTE]
I don't agree. That's too radical. The purpose of moving on is not cutting contact but taking some time to recover by yourself.
Those are 2 completely different things.
You can move on and still act normal when she comes to great you.
Just don't be available all the time and forget about talking about your feelings for the time you're recovering. If you cut contact forever, that's a friend and an important person you're going to lose. And believe me, I know it's hard right now, but with time you'll learn to cope with the situation and the door to meet her and talk to her again will be always open.
You don't know what tomorrow will bring, so don't cut ties to people like that. It's ok if you take some time to be away from her contact but don't cut ties forever. That's too cruel.
I was deeply in love with a girl once and I did that. It's hard and frustrating and a big mistake. You shouldn't cut ties to people you like. Over time I learned to be friends with her and now we still talk to each other. It's just a matter of moving on.
You'll get better with time and things will become clearer for you.
I think in this case it's best to put some distance in. I remember my first break-up; it was pretty awful myself, and, even though I never threw up or stopped eating, I really could've used more distance from my ex- when she was starting to go out with different guys.
It really doesn't hurt, especially in this case. If you and your ex-girlfriend had a smooth break-up, then I think cutting things off wouldn't be too necessary. But she obviously has a strongly negative impact on your life that can't really be helped without some distance and/or separation.
People that are worth having in life have a knack for coming back naturally anyway.
I'm not sure what to say to you guys. We broke up a bit more than a month ago, and I still have deep feelings for her.
I tried to remain in contact with her and to give her some time because I'd love to get back with her eventually, but it'd always come back to "I still love you, but I can't get back together with you because it's not what I want " and that was more pain than pleasure to me. That and she's blatanly flirting with another guy who I think is the cause for our breakup in the first place - she met him a week before we broke up - and she's been an absolute scumbag to me since the breakup, so I don't really think I have a choice here.
That's kinda cruel, but I'm hoping that what I'm doing is going to make her realize how awful she made me feel and that she's going to lose me if she doesn't do something about it.
@Behemoth : I was going to move to a new country to study there and to see her on weekends . I still plan to go there, but I'd rather not keep her as a friend to be reminded of what I've lost. I don't know. She was okay as a friend but we started falling deeply in love and dating after only a week or two. I'd rather not keep her as "only a friend" , really.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is put a bit of distance between you two. It wouldn't surprise me at all if her attempt at rebounding fails miserably, and she does end up missing you.
But either way, she's obviously impacting your life negatively at the moment. Maybe not total isolation, but I think putting some distance between you two wouldn't hurt. It's almost like she's taking your opportunity for granted.
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36418920]I'm not sure what to say to you guys. We broke up a bit more than a month ago, and I still have deep feelings for her.
I tried to remain in contact with her and to give her some time because I'd love to get back with her eventually, but it'd always come back to "I still love you, but I can't get back together with you because it's not what I want " and that was more pain than pleasure to me. That and she's blatanly flirting with another guy who I think is the cause for our breakup in the first place - she met him a week before we broke up - and she's been an absolute scumbag to me since the breakup, so I don't really think I have a choice here.
That's kinda cruel, but I'm hoping that what I'm doing is going to make her realize how awful she made me feel and that she's going to lose me if she doesn't do something about it.
@Behemoth : I was going to move to a new country to study there and to see her on weekends . I still plan to go there, but I'd rather not keep her as a friend to be reminded of what I've lost. I don't know. She was okay as a friend but we started falling deeply in love and dating after only a week or two. I'd rather not keep her as "only a friend" , really.[/QUOTE]
Then don't. Keeping someone as a friend is something that a lot of girls seem to insist on and something that I have never personally done, it's not worth the heartache or effort - unless you were really good friends before you dated, or if the relationship ended mutually and on good terms (ie, mutual agreement that it must end with no hard feelings either side and a good amount of respect shown towards each others feelings during the 'getting over it' period). But that rarely happens.
drop her. you shouldn't settle for being somebody's backup. if they're going to put you on standby why they try to make it work with someone else, and treat you like shit in the process, you shouldn't stick around and let yourself get treated that way. don't let her even get the chance to try to manipulate you into liking her again once she misses your attention, because that's all she's going to be using you for. find someone new, someone closer, someone who considers you more than a number 2 option.
[QUOTE=Moonsorrow;36418920]That's kinda cruel, but I'm hoping that what I'm doing is going to make her realize how awful she made me feel and that she's going to lose me if she doesn't do something about it.[/QUOTE]
This is the wrong way of looking at it dude. You're not cutting contact for her or to make her realize anything, you're cutting contact because it's the healthiest and most efficient way of moving on from a breakup. You need this time for [B]yourself[/B] - for introspection and improvement - which is undeniably easier if you don't have the burden of her on your mind as well. Of course it hurts, and of course you'll miss her and think about her often, but the longer you stay close to her and try and rationalize being with her again, the longer it's going to take for you to move past it completely.
Behemoth speaks the truth as well, cutting someone out of your life forever isn't completely necessary, but you definitely need a break to sort yourself out first, I promise it. Push yourself through this and you'll be a stronger person because of it, and once you've reached that point of complete, independent, self-fulfilled confidence, only then are you in any position to know if you want her in your life again. [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1160400&p=36314067&viewfull=1#post36314067]This post[/url] might be relevant for you as well. All the best dude.
so i'm really tired of guys not wanting to talk to me anymore as soon as they realize i'm not interested in dating them
i don't really have friends in real life. i have maybe three friends who i originally met irl who i still talk to but none of them are ever available to hang out or they moved away, and my boyfriend lives in a different state so i can only see him once every few months.
i met a group of guys at my college in january or february. two of them asked me out and seemed disinterested in speaking to me after i declined, while another guy just acted INCREDIBLY creepy and hit on me constantly but insisted he was just complimenting me as a friend. two other guys in the group were just complete douchebags to me so i ended up avoiding the entire group.
i also recall meeting a guy at a comic book store and talking to him because he was reading my favorite comic, and we had a great conversation for about 5-10 minutes until my boyfriend who i was meeting there showed up and he realized i was taken, at which point he left rather rudely.
i've also made numerous attempts to talk to other people and every occasion has ended badly - i tried speaking to a guy in my chem lecture who seemed incredibly pleasant in class whenever he spoke. i said "hi, i'm in your chem class" or something, and he seemed to flat out ignore me, so i said something like "oh, i'll leave you alone, sorry for bothering you" and he turned and scowled at me so i just ran to my car
and girls are just terrifying and i have never met one who could hold an intelligent conversation, the only female friend i've had in 5 years is a pot smoking religious hippie who ridiculed me earlier on facebook for "not being a child of the light"
the guy issue might be legitimate, but i really have a hard time believing you can't find any female friends, let alone a female who can hold a conversation
it sounds to me like you're making excuses for yourself.
i've talked to plenty of girls and met a lot who were fairly nice, but i'm always at a loss as to what to talk to them about. my own fault, though, i suppose - i'm terrible at carrying conversation with people and it's pretty hard for me to come up with a topic of discussion that doesn't have to do with games or movies.
i did have a female friend of sorts in my western civ class but she managed to sabotage my grades on a group project, so i'm a bit paranoid about taking her up on her suggestion to sync our fall class schedule. she's nice but we don't have much to say to each other.
i wasn't really trying to complain about my lack of friends, though, it's something i usually don't mind - just the fact that guys are only nice to me when they think i'm interested in dating them.
what do girls usually talk about to each other? aside from guys, i mean. does anyone know?
[QUOTE=Reimu;36414586]Why do so many people freak out about the friendzone?
It's one thing if a guy tries to act really nice and sweet to a girl and then ends up being a total asshole the moment she says no. That's obviously the sign of a jerkoff. But it's like if you just say "Oh, she's not into me. I'm in the friendzone," it's like you're taking her for granted so you must be a "nice guy" douchebag. And then if a girl uses the term they're somehow pardoned from any of the negative connotations that guys have to put up with.[/QUOTE]
I don't even understand what you're talking about here, it's like you're coming in at the middle of a non-existent debate, so everything you said is abstract and seemingly has no context at all
fuck internet relationships AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;36421334]i've talked to plenty of girls and met a lot who were fairly nice, but i'm always at a loss as to what to talk to them about. my own fault, though, i suppose - i'm terrible at carrying conversation with people and it's pretty hard for me to come up with a topic of discussion that doesn't have to do with games or movies.
i did have a female friend of sorts in my western civ class but she managed to sabotage my grades on a group project, so i'm a bit paranoid about taking her up on her suggestion to sync our fall class schedule. she's nice but we don't have much to say to each other.
i wasn't really trying to complain about my lack of friends, though, it's something i usually don't mind - just the fact that guys are only nice to me when they think i'm interested in dating them.
what do girls usually talk about to each other? aside from guys, i mean. does anyone know?[/QUOTE]
1. That was a nice sob story, really. "I'm paranoid" "I'm terrible at conversation" "don't know what to say"... cut the bullshit. Unless you have aspergers, stop making up excuses and go out there and get what you want.
2. Men, women, all have the stuff they usually enjoy talking, but it's not obligatory to follow those subjects. If you're human, you've got what to talk about.
[QUOTE=lotusking;36421545]fuck internet relationships AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH[/QUOTE]
Well obviously since internet relationships are pretty much the dumbest thing ever.
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