• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
I have a habit of going full-autist when girls show interest in me. i'm doing my best to mask my excitement because i know being too eager is a bad thing. i'll cool my jets for now. I'm going to stay optimistic because my gut tells me she's digging me.
Man she's really determined to push through your wall of awkwardness, you must be Brad Pitt or something
the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than that, surprise surprise. i don't figure this is the place to delve into that though.
Your sauve opening joke was great man where'd you get the inspiration. No really, the way you talk to us about this makes you seem very lazy about the whole thing. If you like someone you go after them. Sure it feels nice to have someone pursue you, but you gotta reciprocate, two way street, give take, low tide high tide. Or she's using you to change shifts [editline]26th June 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=twoski;36494090]the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than that, surprise surprise. i don't figure this is the place to delve into that though.[/QUOTE] Cool then don't, let's keep talking about the girl
[QUOTE=twoski;36493577]do y'all think she's digging me?[/QUOTE] I think she was just asking to swap shifts personally, but there's only one way to find out.
[QUOTE=babyarm-bat;36494130]Your sauve opening joke was great man where'd you get the inspiration. No really, the way you talk to us about this makes you seem very lazy about the whole thing. If you like someone you go after them. Sure it feels nice to have someone pursue you, but you gotta reciprocate, two way street, give take, low tide high tide. Or she's using you to change shifts[/QUOTE] Not sure which joke you're referring to. To put things simply, my whole life i've been a very passive person. I've missed out on opportunities before with equally cute girls. I don't pursue things that i should, and i miss out because of that. I'm trying to break the habit this time around. You can see my last chat log started out really badly. And then it improved. This is because i was telling my friend what i'd send and then he would explain why it was stupid and tell me to rethink it. So i cheated this time, but i've also made some headway i think. I'm going to take his way of thinking into consideration next time she texts me. Also, this girl is definitely not using me to change shifts. If anything she's using the shifts as an excuse to talk to me and i'm completely fucking up the chances she gives me. The fault lies with me if this goes south.
So you people say asking out over facebook is a bad idea? Well, I don't see her anymore since the semester is over now... what if I ask her over facebook if she wanna meet sometime and talk a bit etc. and ask her out then when we meet?
[QUOTE=jonoPorter;36494259]So you people say asking out over facebook is a bad idea? Well, I don't see her anymore since the semester is over now... what if I ask her over facebook if she wanna meet sometime and talk a bit etc. and ask her out then when we meet?[/QUOTE] I would talk to her via facebook and go for a number. That's the minimum friend.
[QUOTE=Seith;36494386]I would talk to her via facebook and go for a number. That's the minimum friend.[/QUOTE] Sent a friend request at 1am... she still has not accepted... :suicide: [editline]26th June 2012[/editline] I'm a bit too paranoid about this.
[QUOTE=jonoPorter;36494465]Sent a friend request at 1am... she still has not accepted... :suicide: [editline]26th June 2012[/editline] I'm a bit too paranoid about this.[/QUOTE] in all likelihood she's probably sleeping and you're losing your shit over what amounts to nothing. go to bed and maybe in the morning she'll have accepted it. don't be so eager, it's unbecoming. relax and take your time, think about what you're going to say before you say it. its funny, i'm a complete nervous wreck with shitty lines when i'm in a situation involving interacting with girls but when i'm removed from a similar situation everything seems so simple and straightforward
[QUOTE=jonoPorter;36494465]Sent a friend request at 1am... she still has not accepted... :suicide: [editline]26th June 2012[/editline] I'm a bit too paranoid about this.[/QUOTE] Shut up. Talking and thinking.
[QUOTE=twoski;36494568]in all likelihood she's probably sleeping and you're losing your shit over what amounts to nothing. go to bed and maybe in the morning she'll have accepted it. don't be so eager, it's unbecoming. relax and take your time, think about what you're going to say before you say it. its funny, i'm a complete nervous wreck with shitty lines when i'm in a situation involving interacting with girls but when i'm removed from a similar situation everything seems so simple and straightforward[/QUOTE] Well it's 10am now and I slept already, but I don't get around waiting now obviously. [QUOTE=Seith;36494602]Shut up. Talking and thinking.[/QUOTE] Fine.
I am shit with small talk, especially through text. Any tips?
[QUOTE=Kingy_ME;36495943]I am shit with small talk, especially through text. Any tips?[/QUOTE] Any tips? How can you tip about such a wide subject, with a large variety of topics? 1. What makes you think you are shit at "small talk"? 2. If you're fairly good in comparison to text small talks, then it should have a carryover to text. What really are you asking here?
[QUOTE=Kingy_ME;36495943]I am shit with small talk, especially through text. Any tips?[/QUOTE] This is usually the result of being socially understimulated by not engaging in social situations as much as you'd need to be satisfied with your ability to verbalize yourself. Neuroplasticity defines the talkative ability in an individual by adapting to the necessities of the environment, in other words, it's something that needs to be exercised in order to function in its fullest extent. How you would go on about exercising this is something best determined by yourself, as your ability to learn is reinforced by what feels best.
Try and user a smaller font when you're texting (Just keep talking to people)
So, I guess it's my first time asking for advice here. I've met this girl a few months ago in my hometown, and we've seen each other every now and then (we mostly hang out in the same bar(s) and sort of have the same friends by now, so we never actually had what you'd call a date). We are good friends by now (at least from my point of view). Now, during the week I live in another city and 2 weeks ago she had a test here. I offered her to sleep at my place and she gladly took the offer. We had a great evening (I even cooked for her :v:) and talked a lot about our interests and backgrounds. She was even interested in some of the little games I programmed (She asked what I'd like to do later, I decided to be honest. When I said I made some small games, she insisted that I'd show her some). So, after that little backstory, I need some advice. As you probably guessed, I really like her. Right now I text her every other day or so, and we'd always have a little conversation (We both have our finals right now, so at least I have an opener). I don't want to come over as a desperate creep, so I'm really unsure if it's OK that I write her that often. I don't want to do anything wrong (probably why I never had a girlfriend in the first place), so that's why I'm asking here. [B]tl;dr[/B] I text a girl I like every other day or so, that too much?
Providing she texts back, it should be fine. But you shouldn't be concerned about that, you should be concerned about asking her out.
[QUOTE=Seith;36496003]Any tips? How can you tip about such a wide subject, with a large variety of topics? 1. What makes you think you are shit at "small talk"? 2. If you're fairly good in comparison to text small talks, then it should have a carryover to text. What really are you asking here?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Memnoth;36496007]This is usually the result of being socially understimulated by not engaging in social situations as much as you'd need to be satisfied with your ability to verbalize yourself. Neuroplasticity defines the talkative ability in an individual by adapting to the necessities of the environment, in other words, it's something that needs to be exercised in order to function in its fullest extent. How you would go on about exercising this is something best determined by yourself, as your ability to learn is reinforced by what feels best.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the confidence boost, It looks like I'm not quite that socially inept.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;36496109]Providing she texts back, it should be fine. But you shouldn't be concerned about that, you should be concerned about asking her out.[/QUOTE] She does text back, so I guess it's fine. And yeah, about asking her out, I somehow need to grow some balls and actually do that. It seems like it's so easy for others, but I always get terribly nervous and in the end I don't do it.
Just ask her out to something casual like a coffee next time you see her in person, I suppose if you don't have the chance to see her in person you can do it over the phone, but not texting or facebook. You've got nothing to lose really.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;36496076]Try and user a smaller font when you're texting[/QUOTE] i cannot understand this in the slightest... could you explain?
[QUOTE=Autumn;36501982]i cannot understand this in the slightest... could you explain?[/QUOTE] Its a bad joke, the guy requested advice on 'small' talk.
ahh! that would make sense i'm working at a letterpress studio at the moment so fonts are my ~life~ right now, hence the not getting it, hah
How do you manage to be a doctor full time and work at a letterpress, the same time? You are amazing.
I have this habit of making girls I start talking to eventually really like me, but by this time I've usually gotten bored of them as instant gratification doesn't always happen (if you know what I mean) and then I feel to much of a dick to sleep with them cause they really like me and I'm not that into them. I wanna get laid, start talking to someone, don't get laid but they end up really liking me, to much of a nice guy to sleep with them after that. I think it's cause I'm still in love with my ex but whatevs. gimmie yo advice
[QUOTE=JethroTheCunt;36502464]I have this habit of making girls I start talking to eventually really like me, but by this time I've usually gotten bored of them as instant gratification doesn't always happen (if you know what I mean) and then I feel to much of a dick to sleep with them cause they really like me and I'm not that into them. I wanna get laid, start talking to someone, don't get laid but they end up really liking me, [b]to much of a nice guy to sleep with them after that[b/]. I think it's cause I'm still in love with my ex but whatevs. gimmie yo advice[/QUOTE] you're not a nice guy at all you talk to girls, get 'bored' because they don't want to have sex with you in your allotted short period of time and then decide you don't like them when they like you. you're leading people on. if this has happened as many times as the tone of your post implies then you're really not a nice guy for constantly instigating this situation, especially if you're still in love with your ex or whatevs sort your head out before messing other people around i get that part of 'sorting your head out' is asking for help advice here, but until you realise that no part of what you're doing is 'nice' i don't think you'll be able to sort yourself out very effectively
[QUOTE=ChestyMcGee;36502586]you're not a nice guy at all you talk to girls, get 'bored' because they don't want to have sex with you in your allotted short period of time and then decide you don't like them when they like you. you're leading people on. if this has happened as many times as the tone of your post implies then you're really not a nice guy for constantly instigating this situation, especially if you're still in love with your ex or whatevs sort your head out before messing other people around i get that part of 'sorting your head out' is asking for help advice here, but until you realise that no part of what you're doing is 'nice' i don't think you'll be able to sort yourself out very effectively[/QUOTE] Fair point, but I don't lead anyone on, once a short term relationship is off of the cards I begin to treat her like I would a plutonic friend. once what I'm looking for is no longer an option I do not carry on with trying to woo her. I guess the advice I was looking for was how to make this clear to them. and to break it off without being a giant douche about it. short, physical relationships are an ok thing.
[QUOTE=ChestyMcGee;36502586]you're not a nice guy at all you talk to girls, get 'bored' because they don't want to have sex with you in your allotted short period of time and then decide you don't like them when they like you. you're leading people on. if this has happened as many times as the tone of your post implies then you're really not a nice guy for constantly instigating this situation, especially if you're still in love with your ex or whatevs sort your head out before messing other people around i get that part of 'sorting your head out' is asking for help advice here, but until you realise that no part of what you're doing is 'nice' i don't think you'll be able to sort yourself out very effectively[/QUOTE] "being bored" is just his way of dissing them instead of himself. Fact is, he just can't get laid we that attitude and dishonest character. "I'm still in love with my ex" in contrast to "I just get bored" [editline]26th June 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=JethroTheCunt;36502701]Fair point, but I don't lead anyone on, once a short term relationship is off of the cards I begin to treat her like I would a plutonic friend. once what I'm looking for is no longer an option I do not carry on with trying to woo her. I guess the advice I was looking for was how to make this clear to them. and to break it off without being a giant douche about it. short, physical relationships are an ok thing.[/QUOTE] Tell them upfront.
[QUOTE=Seith;36502708]Tell them upfront.[/QUOTE] by this logic if you start talking to someone in any way other than social, and if you have any sort of relationship type ideas you should make this clear and be upfront. hey I just met you and this is crazy but do you want to be in a long term relationship with me?
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