The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
So I just told my girlfriend that I love her. She says she was scared to say it back, because of her past boyfriends have hurt her after using the "L" word, and she is scared to feel how she felt in the past (we've talked about this before, and I knew she felt this way). I felt I needed/wanted to say it, and I know it's really how I feel about her.
Should I keep saying it every time I say goodbye to her (and other situations couples usually say "I love you," to each other), or should I just wait until she feels she is ready to say it? I'm not sure what to do guys.
Hey guys. I'm feelin' pretty sad right now.
So here's my story: I'm 14 years old. There's this girl who I've known since we were kids (our parents are friends) and in the past few years I must say I've become quite attracted to her. However, her family is what I guess you'd call a "Military Family" (her dad is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Marines) and thus the family is always moving. This makes it literally impossible to start a relationship. We see each other once or twice a year, and every time I see her my affection is rekindled. Last time we met, she lived in San Diego and I told her clearly that I really liked her. Now, fast forward one year, she, her sister, and her mom are staying with us for 6 weeks. I know that it will never ever work out, because right now they live in North Carolina, but I just get so damn depressed sometimes. It's like, after being with her, all other girls are just second-rate. I've only been in a couple of relationships, and they were both bad, so I'd probably do a horrid job anyway. So, what I'm asking is, "should I just give up?" because that seems like the only option available.
[QUOTE=psychojake;36684999]I've gotten over most of my nervousness thanks to you guys. I'll go into Friday night looking my best, smelling my best, and embracing the awkward moments. She's never been on a date either. :V[/QUOTE]
Then you're gold. It'll probably be a nice learning experience for both of you
[QUOTE=Electroholic;36685173]How do I get over a fear of talking on the phone? Every time my phone rings I let it go to voicemail, and if someone asks me to call them, I simply won't do it. If someone calls me, I ignore the call and then text them asking what they want.
When I need to call someone like a business, I get someone else to call for me.[/QUOTE]
i think it's something that you just have to get on with and face. i used to be the same (but not quite as bad), but i couldn't do things like order pizza/takeaway or a taxi or phone the bank or anything, basically anybody that i didn't know, but even friends calling made me really nervous.
but i find the nervousness is all in the anticipation of it, once the call's actually started the majority of the time it's actually fine, you've just got to take that step of picking up the phone. i think the other thing that makes it seem bad is because you don't know what to expect, you don't know what they're going to say.
maybe you could ask a friend or family member to help you out, arrange something with them like they'll say "okay, i'm going to ring you today at 3pm and ask if you want to come out with us" so then you know what to expect and when, so when the phone does ring hopefully you can take steps towards answering it. but i don't really know. if you are really struggling with it then i'd suggest finding some professional help.
also, just out of interest, do you listen to the voicemails? i hate listening to voicemails more than answering the phone, i don't know why
[QUOTE=PuppetSeagull;36685854]Hey guys. I'm feelin' pretty sad right now.
So here's my story: I'm 14 years old. There's this girl who I've known since we were kids (our parents are friends) and in the past few years I must say I've become quite attracted to her. However, her family is what I guess you'd call a "Military Family" (her dad is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Marines) and thus the family is always moving. This makes it literally impossible to start a relationship. We see each other once or twice a year, and every time I see her my affection is rekindled. Last time we met, she lived in San Diego and I told her clearly that I really liked her. Now, fast forward one year, she, her sister, and her mom are staying with us for 6 weeks. I know that it will never ever work out, because right now they live in North Carolina, but I just get so damn depressed sometimes. It's like, after being with her, all other girls are just second-rate. I've only been in a couple of relationships, and they were both bad, so I'd probably do a horrid job anyway. So, what I'm asking is, "should I just give up?" because that seems like the only option available.[/QUOTE]
Don't give up, mate. Go for it.
An opinion from a 21 guy that have had nothing but bad relationships full of mistakes and doesn't regret a thing.
[QUOTE=OH-SNAP!;36685637]So I just told my girlfriend that I love her. She says she was scared to say it back, because of her past boyfriends have hurt her after using the "L" word, and she is scared to feel how she felt in the past (we've talked about this before, and I knew she felt this way). I felt I needed/wanted to say it, and I know it's really how I feel about her.
Should I keep saying it every time I say goodbye to her (and other situations couples usually say "I love you," to each other), or should I just wait until she feels she is ready to say it? I'm not sure what to do guys.[/QUOTE]
She's obviously not prepared for that kind of commitment yet and she wants to be sure you're the one. So I think you should ease up on the "I love you" bombardment.
There are lots of things you can say that will make her equally happy while giving her space to say "I love you" by herself. Be patient.
"I'm happy to be with you", "Thanks to be with me", "I loved being with you today" work equally fine.
At least better than an everyday I love you that said to much may have as much value as an everyday hello or goodbye instead of what it really means.
so suddenly all my friends hate me and i don't know why
story of my life
that's a shitty life story
[QUOTE=Mon;36697437]so suddenly all my friends hate me and i don't know why
story of my life[/QUOTE]
to what extent do your friends hate you
and why do you believe so
[QUOTE=Gmod4ever;36678237]Pretty much this.
If you do end up saying something stupid, just say something like, "Well that came out worse than I expected it to" and laugh it off. If something comes out exceptionally stupid, and the girl you're dating isn't a complete prude, you can try a more humorous approach: something like "That was supposed to stay in a thought bubble" or "I wish someone invented a brain-filter to prevent things like that from happening" or something. Basically, just don't beat yourself up when you say something stupid - and you're going to say something stupid, so just get used to the fact now. You're nervous, and being nervous makes you over-analyze, and over-analyzing makes you say stupid stuff (a bit counter-intuitive, that). Guess what, everyone says stupid stuff every once in a while - the girl you're dating is no exception to that rule.
[editline]8th July 2012[/editline]
I've decided that since I posted, and my posts are so long, I may as well respond to as many people as I can.
This isn't bad advice either. Something you can try is just casually asking something like "are you nervous, too, or is it just me?" Just play it off with a smile and a small laugh. Be jovial and be honest - chances are, if you're half as nervous as you're being here, she's going to notice you're nervous anyways. You can try and hide it best you can, but she'll probably notice.
But she probably won't really judge you on it, either. People get nervous. It's natural. I think it'd be in your favor to admit to it and play it off as no big deal. "Yeah I'm a bit nervous, can't help it. Not a big deal."
I don't think you fucked up. Like thisispain said, arms-over-shoulders are pretty cliche. I mean, it may have helped things, but it may just as easily made things worse. All I know, I think you were safer not to.
How long have been dating this girl? If it's a first or second time going to a movie with her, I think you're probably safer just ignoring the fact you didn't do it. Go see another film with her, as thisispain suggested. And if the arm-over-shoulder thing, or hand-holding, or hands-bumping-in-popcorn-bucket, or whatever the fuck else happens, then it happens. Respond to it however seems natural. Just go with the flow of things.[/QUOTE]
should I ask her if she thinks it was a date? I mean, people are telling her like "i heard about your date!"
i assume the answer is no, and just keep asking her out or whatever
[QUOTE=Lukeo;36697831]and why do you believe so[/QUOTE]
i dunno
i kinda have to drag them to go places now
and most of our conversations on facebook and the like go like:
me:"hey"
friend:"hey"
me:"what's up man"
friend:"nm"
me:"cool"
*awkward 20 minute silence before i try to get the conversation rolling again*
it's been like that with like pretty much all of them and i don't know why
and they still talk with eachother normally, so it's not like some universal anti-social wave
i think you're overthinking it tbh
conversations like that are doomed to end from the start especially through facebook
The gal I've been trying to be with for over a year and finally started getting really close to lately left Saturday on a trip to Turkey for the rest of summer and we pretty much have no way of communicating. Shit sucks.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36688714]Don't give up, mate. Go for it.
An opinion from a 21 guy that have had nothing but bad relationships full of mistakes and doesn't regret a thing.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, but I just don't know HOW it would work out. She told me she broke up with her boyfriend before coming because "she didn't want a long-distance relationship." So pretty much I guess it's doomed.
[QUOTE=PuppetSeagull;36698890]Thanks, but I just don't know HOW it would work out. She told me she broke up with her boyfriend before coming because "she didn't want a long-distance relationship." So pretty much I guess it's doomed.[/QUOTE]
Try anyways. You'll regret it if you don't.
[editline]9th July 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Waffle Boxes;36698289]The gal I've been trying to be with for over a year and finally started getting really close to lately left Saturday on a trip to Turkey for the rest of summer and we pretty much have no way of communicating. Shit sucks.[/QUOTE]
Go to Turkey.
You'd do it for love.
[QUOTE=Disotrtion;36699380]Try anyways. You'll regret it if you don't.
[editline]9th July 2012[/editline]
[/QUOTE]
What should I even DO, anyways?
[QUOTE=Hmn30;36698121]should I ask her if she thinks it was a date? I mean, people are telling her like "i heard about your date!"
i assume the answer is no, and just keep asking her out or whatever[/QUOTE]
The word "date" is a bit loaded in our society.
Honestly, I think it's something that can go either way if you use it. Personally, I'd just keep asking her out to do stuff.
Okay so, my turn to ask some questions!
Okay, so I'm not really sure if this is exactly where this belongs, but I'll post about it anyways.
Some of you may remember a thread I made a year or so ago about friends looking at porn on our computers while visiting us. Well, particularly, one of my friend's younger brothers. I would come back to my computers and do an innocent Google search, and have the history so kindly suggest "anime sex games" or, a personal favorite of mine, "icarly sex games."
Well, the friend himself has moved out of town because of his job, and my other friends have splintered off as well. I'm still good friends with the brother, and he still has a problem with this.
Firstly, I need to explain the computer setup in my house, to make things a bit clearer. This picture does this.
[img]https://dl.dropbox.com/u/8416055/House.png[/img]
With that image in mind, let me explain the following. Often, when he is over (we'll call him Bob for simplicity's sake), I also have a friend, (we'll say Jim), over as well. What we often do is Jim sets up his gaming laptop on a nightstand in my room, and we LAN Minecraft together in my room. Bob doesn't have Minecraft, so he just sits in the computer room playing games on Jackass (so named because it is a piece of shit old computer prone to crashing and making you lose your unsaved work).
Now, my parents are very big on gaming. When both my parents are home, they will spend the entire day playing MMOs together. My mum is a stay-at-home, and when my dad is at work, she'll be playing on her computer, playing the Sims.
Now, when both my parents are home, there isn't an issue. But when it's just my mum, Bob has a tendency to be looking at porn on Jackass while Jim and I are playing Minecraft... [b]With my mum playing the Sims on her computer![/b] Take a look at that diagram, and read that sentence again.
What's worse is, sometimes Jim and I play in the computer room (he just brings the nightstand in and sets up there), because we have other people over and we all play LAN, or we just end up setting up in there. And Bob [b]still[/b] looks at porn! He tries to hide it, but it's pretty damn obvious when, without saying a word, [b]I look over and see a full-screened hentai game[/b] (one of those where you have the buttons you click that put the animation into a different fucking scene) [b]on his screen[/b]. I just stare for a few seconds, then just say loudly, "So, Bob, you winning?" and he just flinches and jerks to hit the minimize button. He usually misses a few times. Then he has the nerve to play it off like nothing's wrong. By this time, Jim has looked over and saw the very obvious porn game, glances back at me and grimaces. With the window finally minimized, he just shrugs and goes "I don't even know."
He's been doing this for at least a year or so now. I get disgusted when I look at all the random shit he Googles on the Jackass - I never let him use any of our machines for that very reason. Not the fact he's looking at porn, but the fact that he uses Google as his porn engine. Rather than going to a dedicated, well-known site like redtube or youjizz, or some sites for hentai, he just types into Google "girl ass fuck" or "dragonball z sex game." And let's not forget the infamous "gargoyle porn video." Yes, these are all real searches (and what the fuck is with the gargoyle porn?)
I'm starting to get tired of it, though. I walked in earlier today while waiting for some stuff to get done in Minecraft, and he was sitting and staring at the Steam library. I asked what he was doing, and he said he was trying to think of a game to play. I look down and see a minimized Mozilla firefox tab - it's name? [b]BDSM Gang Bang[/b]. And this is with my mum in the room, playing her Sims on her computer.
I just sit there for a few seconds, and lean down and rest my chin on his shoulder for about 30 seconds. Then I just whisper in his ear, "You'd be better off to close out of things, rather than minimize them, you know."
He just looks away and goes "what do you mean?"
I sit there for a few seconds, just breathing on his neck, chin resting on his shoulder.
Then I whisper: "When you minimize things, I can still see them. And I can read what it says."
He just sits there for a few seconds, before giving a defeated "okay," and clicks open the tab - [b]WITH ME SITTING RIGHT THERE, RESTING MY CHIN ON HIS SHOULDER[/b], to bring up a video of a chick in latex leather tied up by her arms in a dungeon setting with three guys shoving their cocks into her in various ways. Then he just casually closes out of it and goes back to looking at the Steam library, still pretending like nothing happened.
I mean, seriously. What the fuck.
I walked in about an hour later, and he was playing Crush the Castle 2. I looked and didn't see anything minimized, and he seemed genuinely broken and more than a bit terrified. I'm not sure if he took my advice to heart and worked on practicing his mouse-aim, closing it so quickly I couldn't see it, or if I honestly terrorized him into not looking at porn again.
I'm hoping this'll end the porn-viewing, but I know it won't. Maybe for a few days, but it'll come back. I know it will.
What do you guys suggest I do about this? I don't really want to confront him, especially with my mum right there in the room, and say to him, "Bob, I would really like it if you stopped watching anime porn, and videos of women being tied up and fucked by multiple guys, while you're visting my house as a guest and using my computers as a privilege I give unto you." That'd just be awkward, but honestly, this has to stop.
I don't have problems with him watching porn - I'd be a hypocrit if I did - and I have nothing against his particular fetishes (which include bondage and anime, obviously, but I've also seen Google searchings for things like "dogs fucking girls" and stuff... whatever floats your boat, though) since everyone is different. My problem is the fact that he has no fucking respect for me or my family.
I find it incredibly disrespectful that he comes into my house, as my guest, and uses my computers, as a privilege I provide unto him, and then goes and fills the computers with God knows what kinds of viruses watching God knows what kind of porn. But honestly, what pisses me off the most is he plays it off with a smile and a laugh, and pretends like nothing's going on or that nothing's the matter. Honestly, when your friend comes in and says "you should minimize things instead of close them, because I can see them and I can read them," then you're pretty fucking busted! [b]Especially[/b] when you just pull up the video and casually close it, with said friend watching. At that point you should just go "aight you caught me" and maybe, you know, not fucking do it anymore.
So, seriously, guys. What should I do?
cut his dick off and shove it down his throat
if it bothers you so much just tell him not to look at porn or else he's not allowed to use the computer
[QUOTE=Gmod4ever;36699710]-snip[/QUOTE]
christ man, change your title
[editline]9th July 2012[/editline]
Ok im glad that I read your post, gave me a good laugh
how old is the kid?
also, back to the movie questions: when watching the movie she "awww'd" out of a couple being cure during the film a few times and I felt bad because I didn't have the courage to put my arm around her or whatever. so is it just me, or were those the perfect opportunities to put my arm around her or try anything (i dont think kissing would've worked at that point though)
[QUOTE=Hmn30;36700320]also, back to the movie questions: when watching the movie she "awww'd" out of a couple being cure during the film a few times and I felt bad because I didn't have the courage to put my arm around her or whatever. so is it just me, or were those the perfect opportunities to put my arm around her or try anything (i dont think kissing would've worked at that point though)[/QUOTE]
Don't overthink it. If you feel like it, go for it next time, but it's really cliché.
Seriously it's not that big of a deal.
There is a girl I work with who likes me, and I kinda like her as well.
Anyway, she invited me to her 21st birthday party on Saturday, and I didn't go because I had other plans. I don't know what happened on that day, but the next day she was texting me telling me she was moving back to her hometown. I was texting her telling her to stay, and asking her why she was leaving, and all she said was that she had no choice, etc. and wouldn't really give me any information. I thought at first maybe she was just being depressed or something and using it as sort of a threat of our friendship or something, but today she called our work and told them she was not coming back which confirmed she was leaving for sure. It is now 4 days since her birthday, and she is leaving tomorrow morning, and I told her to meet me and explain what was going on, and she told me to come to her house. I arrived at her house and she didn't answer the door, and wouldn't answer my texts or my calls, so I assumed she fell asleep or something. Or perhaps she was ignoring me for some reason.
It is kind of a bizarre situation, and I'm not really sure what is going on or if I am at fault in any way. I'm definitely going to miss her, definitely as a friend or more since we both liked each other.
So now I'm kind of depressed and confused.
Last year was my first year back into a real school after 8 years of homeschooling, and your posts supporting me early in the year really helped me.
Thanks a bunch, guys.
[QUOTE=Electroholic;36701200]There is a girl I work with who likes me, and I kinda like her as well.
Anyway, she invited me to her 21st birthday party on Saturday, and I didn't go because I had other plans. I don't know what happened on that day, but the next day she was texting me telling me she was moving back to her hometown. I was texting her telling her to stay, and asking her why she was leaving, and all she said was that she had no choice, etc. and wouldn't really give me any information. I thought at first maybe she was just being depressed or something and using it as sort of a threat of our friendship or something, but today she called our work and told them she was not coming back which confirmed she was leaving for sure. It is now 4 days since her birthday, and she is leaving tomorrow morning, and I told her to meet me and explain what was going on, and she told me to come to her house. I arrived at her house and she didn't answer the door, and wouldn't answer my texts or my calls, so I assumed she fell asleep or something. Or perhaps she was ignoring me for some reason.
It is kind of a bizarre situation, and I'm not really sure what is going on or if I am at fault in any way. I'm definitely going to miss her, definitely as a friend or more since we both liked each other.
So now I'm kind of depressed and confused.[/QUOTE]
uh sorry to say but if someone's moving they generally have very good reasons and one clingy friend saying "please stay" won't get them to change their minds
Gah I'm really shitted off.
I've got this really close friend who I have somewhat of a history with. We had something akin to a relationship for about a month at the start of the year until she freaked out and ended things. Now, we've stayed just as close to each other since then. I've had feelings for her the whole time, but have tried to hide them, which appears to have been working. Things had been dying down for a while until the other night. Another friend and I stayed at her place for the night. There was one spare bed and her double bed, which we shared seeing as she's more comfortable around me than the other guy. No big deal.
Then after a few hours she starts trying to kiss me, it was a bit weird but to tell the truth I was pretty happy. I didn't go through with it though, didn't want her to do something she didn't really want to. She was tired and supposedly "desperate" (she just ended things with a friend she was regularly hooking up with).
The problem is no matter what I'm acting weirdly around her. I don't want to change anything because of something stupid that happened or the way I feel but now I just can't stop thinking about it. I'm confused as to whether she still feels anything for me. Or whether she was just using me in the first place like she did with that other guy. She said it was different, but I don't know.
This probably all sounds incredibly naive and teenager-y. Sorry.
[QUOTE=Gmod4ever;36699710]-words-[/QUOTE]
I'd say if it starts up again, just remind him of what you said, and if he continues doing it that he can't use your computers, simple as that.
[QUOTE=PuppetSeagull;36698890]Thanks, but I just don't know HOW it would work out. She told me she broke up with her boyfriend before coming because "she didn't want a long-distance relationship." So pretty much I guess it's doomed.[/QUOTE]
Who spoke about relationships?
See that's your problem.
You think just because you have the time of your life with a girl (that you wouldn't have otherwise) you have to jump into the serious commitment of a relationship, like it's some tradition or some rule. Man, forget about that. Go with whatever makes you happy. Both of you.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;36701953]uh sorry to say but if someone's moving they generally have very good reasons and one clingy friend saying "please stay" won't get them to change their minds[/QUOTE]
She made the decision to move and actually left all within 3 days. I was the first one to find out she was moving, and I'm sure if more of her friends actually knew about it, they would be telling her to stay as well.
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