The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;36747239]Useless, condescending, biased as fuck input[/QUOTE]
Ok, let's see how you see it then.
Cause I don't see any problem with the girl. Just a boyfriend who's all over her over dramatizing about tinny things.
Yeah, that's how I see it.
How I see it has nothing to do with your overbearing aggressive post with no apparent subjectivity at all
Her whole lifestyle isn't a tiny thing either
I have my first job interview ever on Wednesday... Any tips? It's for a sports shop.
I've lived with my step father for couple of years and in about a month I'm moving down to New Zealand to study, and I'm seriously having second thoughts on coming back home as I always feel unwelcome in their house. I mean, my mother is happy with him but after living with him for almost 12 years you grow seriously sick of him. I could go on a rant on how much things I hate about him, but I won't bother you guys with it.
My mom has asked me several times if I'm happy with him around, and I've always lied about it since she's had several divorces and she has been recently laid off (so she has a shit income). If I tell her I'm not coming home due to him, she's obviously going to have a hard time and I don't want that for my ma. I'm not sure how I should handle this, feels like there's no way out of this. Any thoughts?
dress appropriately
i dont know what type of job it is but dont overdress and dont underdress
[QUOTE=JackandWan;36746396]shes a whore...youre gay deep inside, why would you feel extremely nervous if youre only going to then movies...suck my 13 inch black mamba honey <3 see you at the movie that girl lied about not being able to go (;[/QUOTE]
"youre gay deep inside" and a few sentences after "suck my 13 inch black mamba"
Seems legit.
[QUOTE=Haxxer;36754064]I've lived with my step father for couple of years and in about a month I'm moving down to New Zealand to study, and I'm seriously having second thoughts on coming back home as I always feel unwelcome in their house. I mean, my mother is happy with him but after living with him for almost 12 years you grow seriously sick of him. I could go on a rant on how much things I hate about him, but I won't bother you guys with it.
My mom has asked me several times if I'm happy with him around, and I've always lied about it since she's had several divorces and she has been recently laid off (so she has a shit income). If I tell her I'm not coming home due to him, she's obviously going to have a hard time and I don't want that for my ma. I'm not sure how I should handle this, feels like there's no way out of this. Any thoughts.[/QUOTE]I'm kinda in the same situation. Best advice I can give is just deal with it. Yes it's hard, but it's better than going off on a rant or creating unneccessary drama
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;36751476]
Her whole lifestyle isn't a tiny thing either[/QUOTE]
How so?
What's so wrong about smoking, drinking or partying with friends? (and don't tell me it's bad for your health).
I don't see anything wrong with it.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36757717]How so?
What's so wrong about smoking, drinking or partying with friends? (and don't tell me it's bad for your health).
I don't see anything wrong with it.[/QUOTE]
Nothing wrong with drinking or smoking weed really. Smoking ciggarettes I wouldn't do myself but if I had a girlfriend that did it I probably wouldn't care too much, provided her mouth doesn't taste like ash. Provided she doesn't smoke hookah for like 5 years straight every day, there shouldn't be that much of a risk of damage.
If he were so bothered about these things why would he get with the girl in the first place? Frankly she doesn't want to change and bothering her will just aggravate your relationship, if you don't like it I imagine you're going to have to breakup with her.
Why don't you party with her Pete?
You've been together 9 months so I imagine you'd have gotten used to it by now or approved of it.
I've got a little bit of interest in the new girl at work. Ole' BDA's back in the game! Unfortunately, I learned her real name before I had time to give her a fun nickname, so now my whole approach is all thrown off. If I retroactively apply a nickname, it just won't feel genuine, and the whimsy will be forced.
I feel like I've been blowing the approach, so far! The first time we met, we talked pretty smoothly, but every time since I've been wicked tired and droopy eyed because of my weird work hours. She keeps trying to talk to me, but in those early hours, I can really only manage grunts and short sentences. Forget about witty banter. It takes about an hour for my brain to wake up enough for banter.
I'm gettin' some positive vibes from her, though. I told her that I was planning on getting my hair cut down today, because I look like a hobo, and she was all, "No way! You look really good! Like a cool guy."
"Well, I [I]have[/I] always wanted to be cool."
Old Man BDA is gonna see what's shaking with Work Girl.
I fucked up man
you guys all told me it was all in the wording
I totally forgot the wording
NOW WHAT
[QUOTE=Sardonus;36758847]I fucked up man
you guys all told me it was all in the wording
I totally forgot the wording
NOW WHAT[/QUOTE]
Sorry, uh, what are you talking about?
[QUOTE=Lukeo;36758073]Nothing wrong with drinking or smoking weed really. Smoking ciggarettes I wouldn't do myself but if I had a girlfriend that did it I probably wouldn't care too much, provided her mouth doesn't taste like ash. Provided she doesn't smoke hookah for like 5 years straight every day, there shouldn't be that much of a risk of damage.
If he were so bothered about these things why would he get with the girl in the first place? Frankly she doesn't want to change and bothering her will just aggravate your relationship, if you don't like it I imagine you're going to have to breakup with her.
Why don't you party with her Pete?
You've been together 9 months so I imagine you'd have gotten used to it by now or approved of it.[/QUOTE]
I don't want to break up with her for something like this. As much as I don't like it in the long run its a really stupid thing to ruin a relationship
And I have gone partying with her and it was so much better but 9 times out of 10 I won't be able to be there when she's with friends; she mainly parties at nights I'm busy (which I really am, what with my volunteer job, school, and extra-curriculars. Not to say I don't have time for her but its inconvenient). She's not willing to give it up just because I'm not there
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36757717]How so?[/QUOTE]
Because it's how she is spending her life? Of course her boyfriend has a right to care about it, whatever her lifestyle may be it's no tiny thing.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36757717]What's so wrong about smoking, drinking or partying with friends? (and don't tell me it's bad for your health).
I don't see anything wrong with it.[/QUOTE]
You're taking it out of context now and making it a singular (separate) issue. Nonetheless that's like saying "What's so wrong with sunbathing? (And don't tell me you can develop cancer from it)"
Your cock-eyed logic seems to consist of "I think this is normal, you must be a sad act if you don't do it as well, and health concerns are irrelevant because I think this normal, you must be a sad act if (...)"
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36757717]How so?
What's so wrong about smoking, drinking or partying with friends? (and don't tell me it's bad for your health).
I don't see anything wrong with it.[/QUOTE]
You are the poster child for YOLO
So here's an interesting question: How do I go about figuring out/asking a girl about just fooling around and having some fun?
There's a girl that lives a couple of blocks away from my place, and we've watched some stuff at her house and had a couple of drinks and gotten cozy, but I'm not entirely sure where to go from there because she's been a friend of mine for so long.
[QUOTE=ewitwins;36763318]So here's an interesting question: How do I go about figuring out/asking a girl about just fooling around and having some fun?
There's a girl that lives a couple of blocks away from my place, and we've watched some stuff at her house and had a couple of drinks and gotten cozy, but I'm not entirely sure where to go from there because she's been a friend of mine for so long.[/QUOTE]
Depends on what you mean by fooling around..
Take her out to a bar, that will get you started.
There's a single fatal flaw in that :v:
I'm a 19 year old male living in a biased Christian nation (USA) that doesn't allow drinking 'till 21.
[editline]14th July 2012[/editline]
Also fooling around means... fooling around, I mean really.
[QUOTE=ewitwins;36763525]There's a single fatal flaw in that :v:
I'm a 19 year old male living in a biased Christian nation (USA) that doesn't allow drinking 'till 21.
[editline]14th July 2012[/editline]
Also fooling around means... fooling around, I mean really.[/QUOTE]
Well sucks for you I guess.
Started drinking at the bier garten at 14 here, not a lot of course. The German standard as I call it.
Best answer would be to raid their place for beer, or just ask if she is interested in you.
Lucky German bastard :v:
Why is there so much debate about if smoking/drinking/partying is a healthy lifestyle or not, or if his reaction to his girlfriend's behaviour is legitimate or not? None of us here are in any position to tell you that her lifestyle is fine/otherwise, or that your concerns aren't fair. This shit isn't ever black and white, everyone is different and is going to have different expectations in a relationship and different opinions on what constitutes a sensible lifestyle and so on, so if you're not totally comfortable with how often your girlfriend goes out and smokes or whatever, then just sit down and have a mature conversation about it. Y'know, communicate your feelings. Explain how it makes you feel and why (do you [I]really[/I] understand why yourself?). Smoking a hookah generally isn't as bad as cigarettes, but if she's smoking it under the assumption that it's totally fine for her then that in itself is worth pointing out to her.
Don't impose any restrictions on her though or make any demands from her, that's not for you to do either. You lay out how you feel and if possible, form a compromise between the two of you. If you or her aren't willing to do that much (i.e. you expecting her to quit going out altogether or her denying your concerns altogether etc), then you should probably reconsider what exactly it is you have, or want, from this person, and vise versa.
Really though, avoid getting into this mindset of trying to 'help' a girl, or thinking you're "the only positive influence in her life." Would you tell her that to her face? How do you think it feels to be told, "I want you to stop making bad decisions, it's hurting me because you're ruining your future. I know this because I'm the only good influence in your life,"? It's stifling, condescending, arrogant and ultimately quite selfish. It's something you might want to think about for yourself, why you can't accept this person completely the way they are, or why you can't respect her ability to make decisions for herself. It's not necessarily being a control freak, and of course you care about her and want what's best for her, that's fine, but what you have to learn is you are very, [I]very[/I] rarely going to be able to know what is in someone else's best interests. You're her 17 year old fucking boyfriend of 9 months, not her mother.
A strong relationship arises out of mature communication, healthy compromise, and mutual understanding and respect. If you have concerns over what your girlfriend is doing, Handsome Pete, you have the right to bring up how you feel with her and voice your concerns to each other. You however don't have the right to expect her to act in a certain way just because you're upset about something.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;36764257]It's something you might want to think about for yourself, why you can't accept this person completely the way they are, or why you can't respect her ability to make decisions for herself. It's not necessarily being a control freak, and of course you care about her and want what's best for her, that's fine, but what you have to learn is you are very, [I]very[/I] rarely going to be able to know what is in someone else's best interests. You're her 17 year old fucking boyfriend of 9 months, not her mother.[/QUOTE]
this. never go into a relationship expecting to make the other person change. if you think she can't look out for herself and you need to make decisions for her then you might have a serious maturity gap in your relationship.
My life's path has been changed. My own choices are to blame of course, but it is still hard to lose something that has changed you so much.
[i]Add a drop of lavender to your milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.[/i]
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;36758716]I've got a little bit of interest in the new girl at work. Ole' BDA's back in the game! Unfortunately, I learned her real name before I had time to give her a fun nickname, so now my whole approach is all thrown off. If I retroactively apply a nickname, it just won't feel genuine, and the whimsy will be forced.
I feel like I've been blowing the approach, so far! The first time we met, we talked pretty smoothly, but every time since I've been wicked tired and droopy eyed because of my weird work hours. She keeps trying to talk to me, but in those early hours, I can really only manage grunts and short sentences. Forget about witty banter. It takes about an hour for my brain to wake up enough for banter.
I'm gettin' some positive vibes from her, though. I told her that I was planning on getting my hair cut down today, because I look like a hobo, and she was all, "No way! You look really good! Like a cool guy."
"Well, I [I]have[/I] always wanted to be cool."
Old Man BDA is gonna see what's shaking with Work Girl.[/QUOTE]
I mean this as a compliment, like in a nice way but it won't seem it if I hadn't have said that: you're so upbeat it's [i]exhausting[/i]. It's just like every sentence is filled with good vibes. It's almost as if it's an affectation. I tend to live my life with subtle hint of understated faux-intellectual disappointment. I find it's pretty good actually because people tend to mistake it for wit, which is fab. The problem is I can't go in to work like you and just keep thinking every hot new girl is a potential soul mate. I used to be like that but after a while it gets tiring, and now if they like me without knowing me too much, I usually just think they must be a pretty rubbish judge of character. Sometimes I'll just go for it anyway because why not and it's pretty flattering when people like you. I did that once and ended up with this girl called Katie who really, [i]really[/i] liked Disney. She thought Stewart Lee was boring, we didn't have too much in common. I think I need a new zestyness to my life. To be fair I've stopped exercising and perhaps that's a contributing factor in my attitude.
That is only slightly relevant to your post but that's what it made me think of. Good luck with Work Girl, but as a word of warning: if you act the way you do in your posts in real life, I'd be wary of being all "Well, I [I]have[/I] always wanted to be cool." [u]all[/u] of the time, because people might just treat you like a jester. You've got to have more than happy charm or you'll end up being one of them people that people want to be around, but not be with.
So I'm kinda numb today with what happened.
Basically my ex girlfriend who used me for the time her boyfriend broke up with her the most stupid way, started speaking to me the other day.
I know I told this story in this topic a long time ago so I'll make it short:
So me and her used to be best friends. She used to have lots of issues with her boyfriend at the time. It's not inaccurate to say she was and is obsessed with the guy and a self centered bitch at the time we were dating.
Basically she was feeling down in the dumps after her boyfriend broke up with her for another girl. The guy just stayed with her for a week and then was like "well, seems to me I like the other girl better, sorry babe" and left.
So it was up to me to pick up the pieces. It was nothing new really. Wasn't the first thing that happened with her and we both used to be there for each other so it was no big deal.
2 month had passed since that break up, she seemed to hate the guy and wanted to spend lots of time with me so I started arranging things with friends in order for her to come along and avoid staying at home so yeah, we started having a really good time and, well, things happened. (big mistake).
So after 2 months her ex (now bf) started talking to her again. I didn't know but I felt something was getting strange since she started arguing a lot with me for no reason. Kind of like she wanted me to be the one breaking up with her so it would be easy in her conscience to go back to the idiot who hurt her in the past. Of course at the time I didn't know.
So yeah, during the breakup she threw all the breakup cliches in the book, I asked her if the guy was back, she said yes but she wanted to breakup with me before that (which was bullshit) and I told her that she used me and good luck and that the guy was going to sooner or latter hurt her again. And after some unfair insults and spitting on everything I ever done for her, I walked away.
I never spoke to her again. She sent me a couple of text messages saying she was sorry but he loved the other guy and would like to keep me as a friend and she was going to kill herself and all that post-breakup diarrhea. (oh and her facebook status were just ridiculous), but I didn't answer any of them.
We exchanged some texts in may, just a casual thing, she told me she was with the guy and extremely happy (kinda like she's rubbing it in my face and that she didn't regret a thing), she never told me she was sorry nor anything so I kept the conversation casual and stoped replying after a while.
So now the prophecy came true - "The guy's gonna hurt you again so don't ask me to be there for you again cause I'm not going to be a tool again".
She called me crying, and I really felt for her but on the other hand I had to stay strong and keep her at a distance. Seems like the guy hurt her again and left "I didn't understand the details due to the sobbing and I didn't know what to say. Hell I didn't have much to say...
So she was like "he broke with me again he's an idiot blablabla" I just replied something like "oh, that sucks" (no I told you so, didn't want to be cruel). She started saying he was a prick and that she didn't know what she was going to do plus the unclear and bipolar sobbing speech I just replied to her "I'm sure you'll both be back happily together soon, don't be sad". Said I had to go and hung up while she sobbed.
Now, I don't feel a thing. I feel sad for her but she kept me away for so long that I feel I no longer have a place in her. I'm still hurt because she never told me she was sorry nor even talked to me about what happened. Part of me wanted to forget it all and help her. I felt sorry for her.
The other part is like "there's nothing you can do, she chose her path and you were the man and warned her about what would happen."
And in fact I did. I did everything I could and gave her the space to learn by herself.
I don't know what to think and I don't know if I ever want to see her again.
I just don't know. People are so strange. Things are so fragile and they can easily go from stability to chaos so fast. You think everything is in your grasp but god knows you're so wrong.
Well I don't know.
I wish I never had anything romantic with her so I could still be her friend.
Guess things change and get upside down so fast.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36766562]So I'm kinda numb today with what happened.
Basically my ex girlfriend who used me for the time her boyfriend broke up with her the most stupid way, started speaking to me the other day.
I know I told this story in this topic a long time ago so I'll make it short:
So me and her used to be best friends. She used to have lots of issues with her boyfriend at the time. It's not inaccurate to say she was and is obsessed with the guy and a self centered bitch at the time we were dating.
Basically she was feeling down in the dumps after her boyfriend broke up with her for another girl. The guy just stayed with her for a week and then was like "well, seems to me I like the other girl better, sorry babe" and left.
So it was up to me to pick up the pieces. It was nothing new really. Wasn't the first thing that happened with her and we both used to be there for each other so it was no big deal.
2 month had passed since that break up, she seemed to hate the guy and wanted to spend lots of time with me so I started arranging things with friends in order for her to come along and avoid staying at home so yeah, we started having a really good time and, well, things happened. (big mistake).
So after 2 months her ex (now bf) started talking to her again. I didn't know but I felt something was getting strange since she started arguing a lot with me for no reason. Kind of like she wanted me to be the one breaking up with her so it would be easy in her conscience to go back to the idiot who hurt her in the past. Of course at the time I didn't know.
So yeah, during the breakup she threw all the breakup cliches in the book, I asked her if the guy was back, she said yes but she wanted to breakup with me before that (which was bullshit) and I told her that she used me and good luck and that the guy was going to sooner or latter hurt her again. And after some unfair insults and spitting on everything I ever done for her, I walked away.
I never spoke to her again. She sent me a couple of text messages saying she was sorry but he loved the other guy and would like to keep me as a friend and she was going to kill herself and all that post-breakup diarrhea. (oh and her facebook status were just ridiculous), but I didn't answer any of them.
We exchanged some texts in may, just a casual thing, she told me she was with the guy and extremely happy (kinda like she's rubbing it in my face and that she didn't regret a thing), she never told me she was sorry nor anything so I kept the conversation casual and stoped replying after a while.
So now the prophecy came true - "The guy's gonna hurt you again so don't ask me to be there for you again cause I'm not going to be a tool again".
She called me crying, and I really felt for her but on the other hand I had to stay strong and keep her at a distance. Seems like the guy hurt her again and left "I didn't understand the details due to the sobbing and I didn't know what to say. Hell I didn't have much to say...
So she was like "he broke with me again he's an idiot blablabla" I just replied something like "oh, that sucks" (no I told you so, didn't want to be cruel). She started saying he was a prick and that she didn't know what she was going to do plus the unclear and bipolar sobbing speech I just replied to her "I'm sure you'll both be back happily together soon, don't be sad". Said I had to go and hung up while she sobbed.
Now, I don't feel a thing. I feel sad for her but she kept me away for so long that I feel I no longer have a place in her. I'm still hurt because she never told me she was sorry nor even talked to me about what happened. Part of me wanted to forget it all and help her. I felt sorry for her.
The other part is like "there's nothing you can do, she chose her path and you were the man and warned her about what would happen."
And in fact I did. I did everything I could and gave her the space to learn by herself.
I don't know what to think and I don't know if I ever want to see her again.
I just don't know. People are so strange. Things are so fragile and they can easily go from stability to chaos so fast. You think everything is in your grasp but god knows you're so wrong.
Well I don't know.
I wish I never had anything romantic with her so I could still be her friend.
Guess things change and get upside down so fast.[/QUOTE]
Tough situation. Ideally, you should talk to her and help her as a friend, but likely things will move on from there are you will end up with a repeat of her going back to her ex. I would say just continue to do what your doing by keeping your distance, eventually (hopefully) she will back off and you can move on. I know many girls like this, and there isn't really anything you can do to stop them from going back to their ex boyfriends.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36766562]So I'm kinda numb today with what happened.
Basically my ex girlfriend who used me for the time her boyfriend broke up with her the most stupid way, started speaking to me the other day.
I know I told this story in this topic a long time ago so I'll make it short:
So me and her used to be best friends. She used to have lots of issues with her boyfriend at the time. It's not inaccurate to say she was and is obsessed with the guy and a self centered bitch at the time we were dating.
Basically she was feeling down in the dumps after her boyfriend broke up with her for another girl. The guy just stayed with her for a week and then was like "well, seems to me I like the other girl better, sorry babe" and left.
So it was up to me to pick up the pieces. It was nothing new really. Wasn't the first thing that happened with her and we both used to be there for each other so it was no big deal.
2 month had passed since that break up, she seemed to hate the guy and wanted to spend lots of time with me so I started arranging things with friends in order for her to come along and avoid staying at home so yeah, we started having a really good time and, well, things happened. (big mistake).
So after 2 months her ex (now bf) started talking to her again. I didn't know but I felt something was getting strange since she started arguing a lot with me for no reason. Kind of like she wanted me to be the one breaking up with her so it would be easy in her conscience to go back to the idiot who hurt her in the past. Of course at the time I didn't know.
So yeah, during the breakup she threw all the breakup cliches in the book, I asked her if the guy was back, she said yes but she wanted to breakup with me before that (which was bullshit) and I told her that she used me and good luck and that the guy was going to sooner or latter hurt her again. And after some unfair insults and spitting on everything I ever done for her, I walked away.
I never spoke to her again. She sent me a couple of text messages saying she was sorry but he loved the other guy and would like to keep me as a friend and she was going to kill herself and all that post-breakup diarrhea. (oh and her facebook status were just ridiculous), but I didn't answer any of them.
We exchanged some texts in may, just a casual thing, she told me she was with the guy and extremely happy (kinda like she's rubbing it in my face and that she didn't regret a thing), she never told me she was sorry nor anything so I kept the conversation casual and stoped replying after a while.
So now the prophecy came true - "The guy's gonna hurt you again so don't ask me to be there for you again cause I'm not going to be a tool again".
She called me crying, and I really felt for her but on the other hand I had to stay strong and keep her at a distance. Seems like the guy hurt her again and left "I didn't understand the details due to the sobbing and I didn't know what to say. Hell I didn't have much to say...
So she was like "he broke with me again he's an idiot blablabla" I just replied something like "oh, that sucks" (no I told you so, didn't want to be cruel). She started saying he was a prick and that she didn't know what she was going to do plus the unclear and bipolar sobbing speech I just replied to her "I'm sure you'll both be back happily together soon, don't be sad". Said I had to go and hung up while she sobbed.
Now, I don't feel a thing. I feel sad for her but she kept me away for so long that I feel I no longer have a place in her. I'm still hurt because she never told me she was sorry nor even talked to me about what happened. Part of me wanted to forget it all and help her. I felt sorry for her.
The other part is like "there's nothing you can do, she chose her path and you were the man and warned her about what would happen."
And in fact I did. I did everything I could and gave her the space to learn by herself.
I don't know what to think and I don't know if I ever want to see her again.
I just don't know. People are so strange. Things are so fragile and they can easily go from stability to chaos so fast. You think everything is in your grasp but god knows you're so wrong.
Well I don't know.
I wish I never had anything romantic with her so I could still be her friend.
Guess things change and get upside down so fast.[/QUOTE]
this sounds like almost exactly what i'm dealing with right now. fuck.
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