• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
Goddammit Facepunch, I've fallen in love and it feels wonderful. :)
No way I'm going back to help her through. She hurt me a lot last time didn't even went to the trouble of talking to me about what happened. She even acted all like "look at me, I'm all happy with this guy!". She brought it on herself. As much as I miss her friendship that's something of the past. I've done all I can for her, more would be ridiculous. What guarantee do I have that she'll not do the same again even as a friend. I just cant. Doesn't feel right. She's the one who has to fight for anything this time, not me.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36771168]No way I'm going back to help her through. She hurt me a lot last time didn't even went to the trouble of talking to me about what happened. She even acted all like "look at me, I'm all happy with this guy!". She brought it on herself. As much as I miss her friendship that's something of the past. I've done all I can for her, more would be ridiculous. What guarantee do I have that she'll not do the same again even as a friend. I just cant. Doesn't feel right. She's the one who has to fight for anything this time, not me.[/QUOTE] Don't waste you're time with her. What few people realize is that what they need in someone most importantly is stability and maturity. She sounds like the type of person that will ping pong from guy to guy until she finally realizes the big picture. You should jump the gun and aim higher, you deserve better bro.
Thanks, man. There should be a "Thanks, man" rating.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36771291]Thanks, man. There should be a "Thanks, man" rating.[/QUOTE] No problem at all, I wish I learned that lesson sooner; especially before moving 6,000 miles away from everyone I love and care about. Settling is the worse thing you can do to yourself and to another person; and I am one who made that mistake one too many times. I always found myself asking, "Why? What did I do to earn this?" Then one day I woke up and realized it's all about who I'm surrounding myself with; sure it may lead to breaking some hearts, missing out on possible opportunities; but in the end you won't lose any sleep and you just might find miss right.
whoops
[QUOTE=Bredirish123;36771333]No problem at all, I wish I learned that lesson sooner; especially before moving 6,000 miles away from everyone I love and care about. Settling is the worse thing you can do to yourself and to another person; and I am one who made that mistake one too many times. I always found myself asking, "Why? What did I do to earn this?" Then one day I woke up and realized it's all about who I'm surrounding myself with; sure it may lead to breaking some hearts, missing out on possible opportunities; but in the end you won't lose any sleep and you just might find miss right.[/QUOTE] You're right. I feel closure on this subject. There's nothing left to do about her. Seems like reopening old wonds to me so I won't do it. i used to go back with my word a lot and always give the benefit of the doubt to people. Always having faith things could change. Sooner or later I had to convince myself that those aren't the right people and I have to move on. Now I just feel it's easier to move on and forget. I like meeting new girls and new people, I'm open for a relationship if it comes but I'm not exactly in need of one. I feel good by myself.
Hey social advice, Well currently I'm a new situation where I could use a little friendly advice. All through highschool I was in a group of friends of about 6-7 people. One of them was a girl named 'K'. After graduation K, my friend J, and myself were the only ones to still hang out. After J left, it was pretty much just K and I. This was really the first time I started looking at K as more than a friend. When I was talking with J about K, he told me what little he knew about her relationship status. Apparently 2 or 3 years ago she told him that she was dating some guy that no one knows anything about... (K is a very very private person) And shes never mentioned anything like that to me. One night like a year ago, after we went to an art exhibit, as I was almost to her house, I asked if she still was dating the mystery man. I don't really recall but I believe she laughed and said yes or something. I accepted that answer, but sometimes I think that maybe the boyfriend doesn't exist? Like for instance, her boss invited her to a home cooked dinner and she invited me to go with her. Or if she was bored she would ask if I wanted to look at the stars with her... etc. stuff like that. (This could just be the ways girls are, and how they like the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship yah know?) I can't say shes giving me mixed signals because, when we do go out to places I rarely ever pay, or touch her more than a hug when I see her and a hug when she leaves. Never have I ever been friends with someone before I started dating them, so this is all pretty new to me and I don't really know how to go about letting her know how I feel. I don't really feel confident in making a move because it's very possible she isn't interested in being more than friends. She'll tell me how she likes me so much more than she likes other people and that we need to 'hang out' more. Could just mean that she likes me more than other guys because I haven't really been hyper aggressive to get in her pants. Anyways, I'm going to be taking her to go to the movies next weekend so I think I'll buy the tickets this time and see how that turns out. Any advice?? or Subtle ways I could start letting her know I'm interested?? Or things I should look for from her?? Am I in the friendzone for life?? Cheers
[QUOTE=Mr_Razzums;36771674]Hey social advice, Well currently I'm a new situation where I could use a little friendly advice. All through highschool I was in a group of friends of about 6-7 people. One of them was a girl named 'K'. After graduation K, my friend J, and myself were the only ones to still hang out. After J left, it was pretty much just K and I. This was really the first time I started looking at K as more than a friend. When I was talking with J about K, he told me what little he knew about her relationship status. Apparently 2 or 3 years ago she told him that she was dating some guy that no one knows anything about... (K is a very very private person) And shes never mentioned anything like that to me. One night like a year ago, after we went to an art exhibit, as I was almost to her house, I asked if she still was dating the mystery man. I don't really recall but I believe she laughed and said yes or something. I accepted that answer, but sometimes I think that maybe the boyfriend doesn't exist? Like for instance, her boss invited her to a home cooked dinner and she invited me to go with her. Or if she was bored she would ask if I wanted to look at the stars with her... etc. stuff like that. (This could just be the ways girls are, and how they like the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship yah know?) I can't say shes giving me mixed signals because, when we do go out to places I rarely ever pay, or touch her more than a hug when I see her and a hug when she leaves. Never have I ever been friends with someone before I started dating them, so this is all pretty new to me and I don't really know how to go about letting her know how I feel. I don't really feel confident in making a move because it's very possible she isn't interested in being more than friends. She'll tell me how she likes me so much more than she likes other people and that we need to 'hang out' more. Could just mean that she likes me more than other guys because I haven't really been hyper aggressive to get in her pants. Anyways, I'm going to be taking her to go to the movies next weekend so I think I'll buy the tickets this time and see how that turns out. Any advice?? or Subtle ways I could start letting her know I'm interested?? Or things I should look for from her?? Am I in the friendzone for life?? Cheers[/QUOTE] Ask her if she considers the going to the movies thing a 'date'. Or just keep organising the one on one events and see where it goes.
[b]This girl keeps changing her mind about me.[/b] She's 17. I'm 18. I've liked her since I was 17 and she was 16. We both just finished our senior year. She's going to college in one month and I'm going to college in two months. I don't know what to do at this point. Let me elaborate in the form of a timeline. [code] My girl's name is Rebecca. Feb 2011: -We are both 11th graders -We end up going to the same party at someone's house. I meet Rebecca there for the first time. -Me, Rebecca a random guy and a random girl decide to leave and go to a donut shop -We all bond a lot and decide to hang out as a group Mar 2011: -We've been hanging out as a group for a while -The OTHER girl (fat) likes me and shows it -She cock blocks me -The other guy ends up making a move on Rebecca and they start dating. Apr-Jun 2011: -I pretend I never liked Rebecca, just friends now -They're still dating July 2011: -12th grade (senior year) of High School starts -Other guy breaks up with Rebecca -She starts to be really flirty with me -I'm still in "pretend I don't like you" mode, feel weird about pursuing her still October 2011: -She invites me to a mini party at her house -Ends up being 3 guys 3 girls -Everyone gets drunk -She makes out with a random guy in her room -She immediately comes out with remorse, telling everyone she got the wrong guy -I put 2 and 2 together, right guy was me -Too drunk to process it -I back off cause I don't want to be with a slut November-December 2011: -Kind of weird "platonic" friendship January 2012: -We go to the same new years party -I ask her if she wants to kiss at midnight -"OK" -We do, makeout for a while -Afterward she becomes distant at the party and at school -Jan 7 or 8 I ask her out -"Let's just be friends" with no explanation -I start WTFing in my head -I back off even more, don't text her, never available to hang out etc. February 2012: -We see each other at a small get together at someone's house -She begins to become extremely flirty with me -Sitting in my lap, eye fucking me, etc -I set up a hangout with her and another couple -We watch a movie -Cuddle on the couch -Still didn't kiss her since new years -We make more plans, this time to smoke pot with a few other people -We're talking about it over txt message -I say i wanna [url=http://shotgun.urbanup.com/879]shotgun[/url] her -No response -When we're actually smoking, she's SUPER distant to me and shit -"Honeymoon" period OVER March-April 2012: -It's really awkward between us now -I have no other options and I'm desperate for her -I ask her to prom -She says no -Week later she changes her mind and says yes May 2012: -PROM: She's a shitty date -Doesn't want to dance, doesn't want to take pictures with me -Turns out she wanted this other guy Domonic to ask her May-June 2012: -Fuck it -She's a bitch -I blow her off -Don't text her -Don't talk to her in person -Summer starts, IM FREE!!! July 2012 -I haven't talked to her in about 2 months -Out of the blue she texts me -Some random ass comment about something interesting she saw -She eventually gets to the point and wants to hang out with that couple I specified earlier -(Where we watched the movie on the couch) -Coincidentally we end up going to the same 4th of July BBQ -I ask her for a ride -She picks me up, hella good conversation on the way there -Afterward she offers me a ride back -Lots of chemistry and flirtation on the way back, also good conversation -She texts me right after and wants to talk, really flirty in the texts -I'm not flirty back and I kill the conversation -We haven't texted or seen each other since July 4 -(probably because I appeared to not show interest) [/code] Now I really really like her again and I want to be with her now... but I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea. I guess the only option I have is to try to just sleep with her with no relationship, you know a summer fling before summer starts. The only problems I have with that is I AM VERY INEXPERIENCED. She is like, the first girl I have ever liked and she liked me back. She is the only girl I have kissed. I'd be losing my V-card to her, I don't know if the same would apply for her..... I kind of have somewhat of a hatred and attraction for her, I don't know what this will do for my future relationships. What should I do about this situation?
1) Оne night stand/open relationship (if you are good with the idea of having an open relationship) 2) Forget about it and move on. I don't think this needs further details.
[QUOTE=dds98;36771898][b]This girl keeps changing her mind about me.[/b] She's 17. I'm 18. I've liked her since I was 17 and she was 16. We both just finished our senior year. She's going to college in one month and I'm going to college in two months. I don't know what to do at this point. Let me elaborate in the form of a timeline. Now I really really like her again and I want to be with her now... but I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea. I guess the only option I have is to try to just sleep with her with no relationship, you know a summer fling before summer starts. The only problems I have with that is I AM VERY INEXPERIENCED. She is like, the first girl I have ever liked and she liked me back. She is the only girl I have kissed. I'd be losing my V-card to her, I don't know if the same would apply for her..... I kind of have somewhat of a hatred and attraction for her, I don't know what this will do for my future relationships. What should I do about this situation?[/QUOTE] I think you should know its very creepy to chart your meetings with her in such detail in a timeline. Perhaps it would be better if you moved on from her.
[QUOTE=CheeserCrice;36772247]I think you should know its very creepy to chart your meetings with her in such detail in a timeline. Perhaps it would be better if you moved on from her.[/QUOTE] Wait... shit. Do you think this (my psychology on the whole thing) might be the reason why she kept changing her mind about me?
[QUOTE=dds98;36773127]Wait... shit. Do you think this (my psychology on the whole thing) might be the reason why she kept changing her mind about me?[/QUOTE] I don't want this to sound harsh, but from how detailed you logged your encounters with her it seems like you might have come on too strong. Girls are easily pushed away by any detectable level of obsessiveness. The trick is to simply remain casual, calm, and collected. She's not the center of your life so don't treat her like it; (Both to yourself and to her) instead I'd suggest just giving up on her for now. She might be interested in the future, but for now don't expend the unnecessary energy.
i was actually just fairly surprised he was able to recollect such an accurate timeline of events. it didnt seem like, reading the timeline, he was coming off really creepy or anything, it just seemed like she used him for attention a lot when she couldnt have someone else
[QUOTE]Now I really really like her again and I want to be with her now... but I'm pretty sure that's a bad idea. I guess the only option I have is to try to just sleep with her with no relationship, you know a summer fling before summer starts. The only problems I have with that is I AM VERY INEXPERIENCED. She is like, the first girl I have ever liked and she liked me back. She is the only girl I have kissed. I'd be losing my V-card to her, I don't know if the same would apply for her..... I kind of have somewhat of a hatred and attraction for her, I don't know what this will do for my future relationships. What should I do about this situation? [/QUOTE] It's a bad idea. Don't do it. You're wasting your time and just revolving around her when you could be spending time with other people. She might have liked you in the past, and she might just be looking for a fling or toying with you now. Regardless, it seems like she's not a very reliable person, nor a prospect for a very healthy relationship. But, seeing as you seem to know this, I can tell that you want to try anyway. My advice is: just don't do anything immensely stupid. [QUOTE=lil_n00blett;36773379]i was actually just fairly surprised he was able to recollect such an accurate timeline of events. it didnt seem like, reading the timeline, he was coming off really creepy or anything, it just seemed like she used him for attention a lot when she couldnt have someone else[/QUOTE] This.
maybe because you kept asking instead of doing? asking her if she wants to kiss at new years asking her if she wants to shotgun (really weird thing to ask) i dont know maybe im reading into it too much but this could be why she doesn't like you anyway she doesn't like you so just move on??
So I split with my girlfriend nearly two weeks ago, everything was going good but she had less and less time to see me and told me she felt bad and thought I deserved better. She insisted I find someone better so I just went with it in the end. At first I just kept on with my life as usual, but then I kept thinking about memories with her and how perfect a girl she is. I am now at the stage where I just desperately want her back and everyday it breaks my heart more and more... any advice?
[QUOTE=JakeAM;36774368]So I split with my girlfriend nearly two weeks ago, everything was going good but she had less and less time to see me and told me she felt bad and thought I deserved better. She insisted I find someone better so I just went with it in the end. At first I just kept on with my life as usual, but then I kept thinking about memories with her and how perfect a girl she is. I am now at the stage where I just desperately want her back and everyday it breaks my heart more and more... any advice?[/QUOTE]Cut off all contact with her. If she's your FB friend, block her, delete her number from your phone, and remove pretty much anything that reminds you of her
Find someone else to dote on. For all you know she may have not as much time to see you because she was doing shady things. If she wanted the relationship to continue, she would have made time. The same side of the coin applies to you, if you really wanted to be with her you should have stayed on for the long haul.
[QUOTE=Glitch360;36774413]Cut off all contact with her. If she's your FB friend, block her, delete her number from your phone, and remove pretty much anything that reminds you of her[/QUOTE] Oh yes, let's be overly radical and dramatic because we aren't grownups who can control our feelings. So maybe when he crosses paths with his ex on the streets he should definitely hide. Or why don't he lock himself up in a basement. That'll work too!
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36774986]Oh yes, let's be overly radical and dramatic because we aren't grownups who can control our feelings. So maybe when he crosses paths with his ex on the streets he should definitely hide. Or why don't he lock himself up in a basement. That'll work too![/QUOTE]Way to take what I said way too literally. I didn't say that he should run away the second he sees her, the less contact he has with her the easier it will be to forget about her
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36774986]Oh yes, let's be overly radical and dramatic because we aren't grownups who can control our feelings. So maybe when he crosses paths with his ex on the streets he should definitely hide. Or why don't he lock himself up in a basement. That'll work too![/QUOTE] If he's infatuated the only way for him to forget about her is to [I]forget[/I] about her, be that talking to other girls or talking to no girls.
That's not entirely true. I know that's something you read on those web advices but cutting contact is not the solution. It's in fact too radical and a way to escape dealing with your feelings. It's the avoidance of suffering because you don't want to deal with the fact that she exists and is moving on. So what if you still like her, it's not like you're going to die if she comes talking to you after the breakup or if you see a picture of her with another guy. The point of moving on is not cutting all contact. The point of moving on is learning to be ok both away and close to her. It's being able to have an open door for a future friendship, who knows and being ok with her moving on, having a boyfriend, goying out with friends etc etc... So there's no need to block people on facebook or anything. It also could be interpreted as a bad reaction to the breakup and therefore you end up giving a false image of how you're dealing with the situation. The way I see it. It's to act cool with the breakup, much more healthier. In fact. It isn't healthy to sit in front of a computer after a breakup. that boredom and procrastination will inevitably lead you to think about her, so instead of blocking, go oustide and turn off the computer. Works charms.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36775658]That's not entirely true. I know that's something you read on those web advices but cutting contact is not the solution. It's in fact too radical and a way to escape dealing with your feelings. It's the avoidance of suffering because you don't want to deal with the fact that she exists and is moving on. So what if you still like her, it's not like you're going to die if she comes talking to you after the breakup or if you see a picture of her with another guy. The point of moving on is not cutting all contact. The point of moving on is learning to be ok both away and close to her. It's being able to have an open door for a future friendship, who knows and being ok with her moving on, having a boyfriend, goying out with friends etc etc... So there's no need to block people on facebook or anything. It also could be interpreted as a bad reaction to the breakup and therefore you end up giving a false image of how you're dealing with the situation. The way I see it. It's to act cool with the breakup, much more healthier. In fact. It isn't healthy to sit in front of a computer after a breakup. that boredom and procrastination will inevitably lead you to think about her, so instead of blocking, go oustide and turn off the computer. Works charms.[/QUOTE]You keep twisting my words. Cutting off all contact does not mean that you'll just end up sitting at a computer all day. There is more than way to forget about an ex, you know [editline]14th July 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Disseminate;36775578]If he's infatuated the only way for him to forget about her is to [I]forget[/I] about her, be that talking to other girls or talking to no girls.[/QUOTE]This is spot on
[QUOTE=dds98;36771898]Long story about a girl.[/QUOTE] Why is it that everyone I talk to about prom always says they had a terrible time and that their date was a bitch. I wasn't even planning on going to prom until peer-pressured into it (because of above) and I ask a really fucking popular and hot girl to prom probably like 3 weeks before the event. She says yes, and we had a wonderful time. Why is it that everyone has a terrible experience with prom and I had a great one and I never planned on going in the first place.
Because most people don't go for the prom, they go for the afterparties
And because HS'ers and teenagers in general like to bitch.
[QUOTE=Mr_Razzums;36771674]Any advice?? or Subtle ways I could start letting her know I'm interested?? Or things I should look for from her?? Am I in the friendzone for life?? Cheers[/QUOTE] It sounds like she could be interested dude, just keep trying to see her and setting up dates with her. Don't think too much about the elusive 'boyfriend' and try not to bring it up in conversation. It doesn't have to become awkward if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, so long as you don't just outright confess to her your undying love for her or whatever. Just keep talking to her and getting closer to her, be a little more flirty and physical, and get into the mindset that you're just two awesome people that could potentially have a lot of fun together. You don't have to be "hyper aggressive to get into her pants," just to create a sexual/physical frame between the two of you, y'know. Light touches on her arm during conversation, intimate hugs when you're greeting her, playing games with each other's hands, leading her by her hand or the small of her back through a crowd or across a street, etc. Oh and strong (not creepy) eye contact and tonality/voice projection (lower your voice and speak slowly/clearly), some people seem to forget this when talking about 'being physical', but it's just as important if you want to create that vibe. It's good that you're taking her out for a movie. Treat her to a real date, show her that you're fucking boyfriend-material. I'd also suggest dinner before or afterwards so you can have a good conversation too, maybe even get a few drinks to loosen up. I'd suggest just seeing how the date goes, and if you feel there's something actually there on the night, don't be afraid to be honest about your intentions, "I've had a lot of fun tonight, I'd really like to see you again and get to know you more. <set up your next date>" or whatever works for you. All the best dude! Let us know how the date goes (:
[QUOTE=Glitch360;36775923]Because most people don't go for the prom, they go for the afterparties[/QUOTE] Not only this, but prom is so unbelievably overhyped that everyone thinks some magical and fantastic voyage will take place on the night of. There are buttloads of movies, TV episodes, songs about prom, it's ridiculous.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.