The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
Its bad enough that im not datin this girl yet but wlhat makes it worse is that all my friehds give me shit about it
[QUOTE=MindMuncher;36811068]Is is not acceptable to expect a girlfriend of around a year to not have secrets from me? I know that I'm too intrusive and want to know things a whole lot, but [b]it's always when people are explicitly keeping information from me.[/b] [b]And I don't expect other people to open up completely, but I expect to be able to do it with her.[/b] I'm completely open with her and my friends and don't keep secrets from any of them, so it's not as if I'm being a huge hypocrite. It just bothers me immensely when she withholds shit and It's causing problems [b]because, while I'm a naturally very open person, she's naturally very closed off.[/b] We've had arguments concerning this a few times throughout the relationship. I guess it's unrealistic of me to expect that of her, but I expect it of myself... This and a few other things are making me question whether or not I should actually be with her right now and it's tearing me up.[/QUOTE]
You're pushing her into tell you things because you're uncomfortable with the current situation. It has nothing to do with caring, helping or any beneficial thing to her.
While it is acceptable for your girlfriend to not have secrets from you, you're not doing it because of that. You're a hypocrite who uses excuses to justify his own insecurities; "I need to know".
Find out why do you need to know and work it out, as this is absolutely a relationship breaker.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=areolop;36813023]Its bad enough that im not datin this girl yet but wlhat makes it worse is that all my friehds give me shit about it[/QUOTE]
Why do you care? Is it because you are afraid to admit that deep inside there's a possibility you failed achieving what you wanted?
Failure is not trying. You my friend, did not fail.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;36808928]They just have friends who like to take pictures a lot. I mean, there are people out there that nowadays can't go out without bringing a camera.
Facebook can give people a great alter-ego but most of the time that doesn't correspond to what they really are.
I can understand how the confidence that some people on facebook transmit can be really intimidating sometimes.
Point is, although facebook can be a powerful social tool, sometimes appearances can be deceiving, so there's nothing like meeting people in person.[/QUOTE]
I agree, FB is sometimes incredible deceitful. It is just that her life seems so incredible compared to others, even I went to Austria started studying psychology. Got tons of cool friends and a girlfriend, did this and that, went to Italy and went to great places. Nevertheless she seems so "high society", personally it isn't annoying me but somewhat really fascinating. I guess it is the looks because she was never that much of a sociable girl and pretty bitchy. Although I never take photos of places of what I did, sometimes it seems like I missed something although that isn't the case.
Here are a few examples.
[img]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/256338_497086830306748_160784035_o.jpg[/img]
[img]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/563469_4041322026507_1266489148_n.jpg[/img]
[img]https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/458840_3937269265253_533302513_o.jpg[/img]
[QUOTE=nazzer117;36810679]hai, i'm new to relationships and i'm wanting one, i don't need one and i think i am ready, advice on how to start would be superb.[/QUOTE]
Start with sex doll, work your way up.
okay, i know this falls more under the spectrum of medical advice, but this thread has been good in the past and the actual medical advice thread keeled over a while ago, so uh
i'm actually having a problem with sleep - and it's not like waking up in the middle of the night, or anything like that, it's just i hardly ever feel alert after i wake up. like, i can't concentrate, focus, or make plans as to what i'm going to do and then do it. i can't wrap my head around things as quickly as i normally can, and generally my conversational skills fall to shit.
i'm getting a good amount of sleep every night, but my hours have been shifting around. is there any way i could fix this, or should i just live with it?
[QUOTE=Mon;36816691]okay, i know this falls more under the spectrum of medical advice, but this thread has been good in the past and the actual medical advice thread keeled over a while ago, so uh
i'm actually having a problem with sleep - and it's not like waking up in the middle of the night, or anything like that, it's just i hardly ever feel alert after i wake up. like, i can't concentrate, focus, or make plans as to what i'm going to do and then do it. i can't wrap my head around things as quickly as i normally can, and generally my conversational skills fall to shit.
i'm getting a good amount of sleep every night, but my hours have been shifting around. is there any way i could fix this, or should i just live with it?[/QUOTE]
What time do you usually go to bed and wake up?
[QUOTE=Mon;36816691]okay, i know this falls more under the spectrum of medical advice, but this thread has been good in the past and the actual medical advice thread keeled over a while ago, so uh
i'm actually having a problem with sleep - and it's not like waking up in the middle of the night, or anything like that, it's just i hardly ever feel alert after i wake up. like, i can't concentrate, focus, or make plans as to what i'm going to do and then do it. i can't wrap my head around things as quickly as i normally can, and generally my conversational skills fall to shit.
i'm getting a good amount of sleep every night, but my hours have been shifting around. is there any way i could fix this, or should i just live with it?[/QUOTE]
try regulating your sleep schedule if possible. go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. also make sure you're getting the right amount of sleep for you - i've found in my own case that if i sleep 8 hours, i'll feel wide awake throughout the day and fall asleep at a normal hour, but if i sleep 10 hours or more, i'll spend the entire day feeling tired but be unable to fall asleep at a humane hour. try and get exercise regularly during the day if you don't already do that - that usually helps a lot with sleep problems.
What the above said.
Exercise is important for sleeping.
Also try to find a more comfortable pillow. That helps too.
A healthy diet can make wonders too. Staying away from TV/Computer screens right before going to bed is essential.
And finally avoid drinking carbonated sodas and things with caffeine, specially at night.
By following these rules it usually works for me, however, I think setting hours to sleep and wake up is an excellent idea to start with.
In my case I normally can't rest during my sleep if I'm not doing so good from my stomach and intestines. I don't know if that happens to everybody though.
he's not talking about having trouble sleeping
more of just a lack of energy during the day
get more exercise that should probably help
He doesn't clarify much. Maybe he's not sleeping well during that time or doesn't have a very healthy sleep schedule.
It is unclear. That's why I tried considering all options.
Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place
[QUOTE=areolop;36819247]Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place[/QUOTE]
Oh no...
[QUOTE=areolop;36819247]Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place[/QUOTE]
This is a flawless plan and nothing could possibly go wrong.
[QUOTE=areolop;36819247]Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place[/QUOTE]
I think I live near you right? Can I help? Or at least watch?
Ok so there's this girl who really likes me (like seriously alot, she says she wants to be together forever and I'm "the one" for her, and she thinks I like her that much) but I really dont like her back that much, and she told me she wants me to ask her out. The big problem is we are both only 14, she's just going into high school and I'm going into 10th grade, and she lives in California and I live in New York. She is coming back to new york from maine today and she wants us to meet up at my house (and ask her out.) She has really bad emotional issues (depression, abusive ex boyfriends, she used to cut) and I don't think she would take it well at all if I were to tell the truth.
So facepunch, am I just going to have to bite the bullet on this one so she doesn't flip out and harm herself?
[QUOTE=areolop;36819247]Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place[/QUOTE]
or you could not treat her like she's the first female specimen you've ever interacted with and casually ask if she wants to go out.
[editline]18th July 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Vonwilbur;36819758]Ok so there's this girl who really likes me (like seriously alot, she says she wants to be together forever and I'm "the one" for her[/QUOTE]
RUN.
[editline]18th July 2012[/editline]
actually, why don't we just pair areolop with von's girl?
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;36819782]or you could not treat her like she's the first female specimen you've ever interacted with and casually ask if she wants to go out.
[editline]18th July 2012[/editline]
RUN.[/QUOTE]
Even worse is I have to be super nice to people, so I'm just leading her on even more.
She always sends me videos of herself drawing hearts and stuff for me and pics of her too.
She also is implying that shes going to tell me she loves me in person and is using "lots of love" while texting.
Am I fucked?
[QUOTE=Vonwilbur;36819823]Even worse is I have to be super nice to people, so I'm just leading her on even more.
She always sends me videos of herself drawing hearts and stuff for me and pics of her too.
She also is implying that shes going to tell me she loves me in person and is using "lots of love" while texting.
Am I fucked?[/QUOTE]Do you like her? It probably wouldn't be a good idea to date her unless you could deal with clinginess. And if not, then you should probably tell her that you don't feel the same as soon as possible; the longer you put it off the harder it will be to do it
[QUOTE=Glitch360;36819911]Do you like her? It probably wouldn't be a good idea to date her unless you could deal with clinginess. And if not, then you should probably tell her that you don't feel the same as soon as possible; the longer you put it off the harder it will be to do it[/QUOTE]
That's the problem, I don't know if I can. I've never had a girlfriend (hur hur) and she just all of a sudden wants to be with me forever, and I don't know if I could deal with it.
She keeps talking about how good our first kiss is going to be and how cute that she is going to be my first gf but I really don't think I can deal with all this.
I don't think I could be honest with her because she would actually go into deep depression if I did, and she could go back to cutting and think of me as another one of those shitty guys who left her.
So basically my decisions are 1: "ask her out" and be mildy miserable every day for how knows long ( and never be able to see her) Or 2: Tell her the truth and risk her inflicting self harm and causing severe depression
Welp, you're fucked
Remember, as long as she doesn't inflict harm to you, all is a-okay. So go for a direct confrontation.
[QUOTE=Glitch360;36820035]Welp, you're fucked[/QUOTE]
Yep she has this whole plan already set out on how the day is going to go when she comes over, she specifically told me how she wants me to ask her out.
Welp glad to assess the situation, I guess I'll choose the way where I don't make someone depressed and probably hurt themself.
[QUOTE=areolop;36819247]Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place[/QUOTE]
You're clinically insane
it practically sounds like your girl's holding herself hostage. be direct with her and tell her you're not interested. sure, she'll be pissed for a while, but she's 14. she'll get over it.
if she cuts herself because you aren't interested in her then it's not your fault, it's a problem with her personality. she shouldn't be reacting that extremely to something like this.
[QUOTE=Vonwilbur;36819962]That's the problem, I don't know if I can. I've never had a girlfriend (hur hur) and she just all of a sudden wants to be with me forever, and I don't know if I could deal with it.
She keeps talking about how good our first kiss is going to be and how cute that she is going to be my first gf but I really don't think I can deal with all this.
I don't think I could be honest with her because she would actually go into deep depression if I did, and she could go back to cutting and think of me as another one of those shitty guys who left her.
So basically my decisions are 1: "ask her out" and be mildy miserable every day for how knows long ( and never be able to see her) Or 2: Tell her the truth and risk her inflicting self harm and causing severe depression[/QUOTE]
Tell her she's moving too fast for you. Also tell her you're worried about her reaction because of her troubled past. Telling the truth doesn't have to be "I'm not into this go away"
You can still be compassionate and not have her freak out on you.
[editline]18th July 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;36820141]it practically sounds like your girl's holding herself hostage. be direct with her and tell her you're not interested. sure, she'll be pissed for a while, but she's 14. she'll get over it.
if she cuts herself because you aren't interested in her then it's not your fault, it's a problem with her personality. she shouldn't be reacting that extremely to something like this.[/QUOTE]
Whoa just because she's got issues and is clingy isn't a good reason to just throw it in her face, have some empathy like
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;36820204]Tell her she's moving too fast for you. Also tell her you're worried about her reaction because of her troubled past. Telling the truth doesn't have to be "I'm not into this go away"
You can still be compassionate and not have her freak out on you.[/QUOTE]
I told her that it was moving too fast and she got all depressed and started telling me about if I left her what she would do.
I hate how nice I have to be to people :v:
Something to consider, Von, is that you're both fourteen. I don't mean to patronize or belittle you, or anything like that, but fourteen year olds are stupid idiots. It's a puberty thing.
The reason she thinks you're "the one" is because she's stupid. She's stupid because she's fourteen. That's just, like, the way early teen brain works. Or rather, doesn't work. In the next few years, you're both going to meet five or six different people who are each your destined soulmate, delivered unto you by fate and cherubs.
Given this pretty immutable fact, the pragmatic mind would tally the following information, and draw a well-reasoned conclusion:
-You're both fourteen, and thus emotionally retarded
-You live on opposite ends of the country
-Your experience with love is likely limited to a few awkward flings and some bad romantic comedies
-Most of what young teenage girls do is for attention
-Most of what young teenage boys do is to give young teenage girls attention
THUS, my advice would be this:
Give her a kind, but firm, "I'm not interested," and go your separate ways. The chick's not going to hurt herself. She might mope about, dye her hair black, and give herself some shallow [I]look-at-me[/I] cuts for a while, if she's really gotten herself [I]that[/I] convinced that you're soulmates, but she'll feel rather silly about that stuff before too long. And then, through the miracle of young teenage love, she'll meet her soulmate and repeat the whole process.
Yeah I do have to admit I am emotionally retarded to an extent, but really I can understand what is going to be best for me and not some 14 year old who I barely know and who thinks is my "soulmate."
I'm fine with just waiting it out and not being one of those idiotic typical 14 year olds that I hate to be stereotyped as, and setting her straight with what is best for "us".
forgive me if the essay i'm currently producing on b. f. skinner comes through here, but if you go out with her, you'll be reinforcing her belief that you're only there to carry out her plans and continue to ignore your feelings toward the situation. she's hardly treating you like a real person and i think you ought to establish that you aren't there to bend to her every whim. she's got to learn at some point or another that most people aren't going to bend over backwards to satisfy her desires.
[QUOTE=areolop;36819247]Well guys, if I'm going to ask this girl out, I'm going to do it my way. Which means that we scare the living shit out of her first. Since I work for my local police I'm going to use them to help. This is how its going to it .. for now.
We call her gym
We say that we need to talk to her about being at a party the other day.
We then go on to say that she needs to come out and talk to us about the situation
Once she gets outside my partner slaps cuffs on her
Then I show up, in uniform, and just start talking to her and spill the beans. I then ask her out to dinner for later in the week.
[editline]17th July 2012[/editline]
When i say gym, I mean her cheerleading place[/QUOTE]
Don't forget to record it
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