• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
It'd be way easier for you to find a date your age IRL. From what I read all she's done is chat with you. It's not significant. E-relationships aren't often successful.
[QUOTE=Trooper-guy1;37002196]I was unsure at first on whether I should bother posting in this thread. However, I'm in a sticky situation enough to require help. So, I'll start this from the top: This girl and I are both in a guild for the game GW2. We ended up playing the BWE3 together, got to know each other, we seemed to click. After that I just started talking to her on the forums (not these forums, the guild ones) and eventually got her Facebook and all that stuff. While talking we figured out how close we lived to one another, at least an hour apart. That's when I realized how I might actually be able to visit her in person, yet, I didn't want to come off as some sort of creeper or stalker if I ever did ask her. I also considered asking for her phone number at some point. Now, the problems I'm having currently are that we've only been talking for only a week at most. Also, there is quite an age difference. She is 24 years old, and I'm 18. She's been willing to talk to me though when it comes to the internet she could just be chatting with me from just a social standpoint, and not taking anything too seriously. I'm at a bit of a loss on what to do. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE] 24-18 is a pretty huge age gap. i'd say she's out of your range.
I'd say 1-2 year gap is acceptable at the most.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37004251]24-18 is a pretty huge age gap. i'd say she's out of your range.[/QUOTE] Well..I wouldn't go that far. Its definitely on an individual basis, but I had a relationship with an older girl about that age. For a time it worked, but we were both finding it hard to set up dates around secondary school so we broke up. However, in his situation, I see no indication she is actually interested. Girls talk on games for the same reason guys to, to make friends and game buddies. Its rarely because they are interested in finding a bf, especially a younger one.
[QUOTE=Trooper-guy1;37002196]I was unsure at first on whether I should bother posting in this thread. However, I'm in a sticky situation enough to require help. So, I'll start this from the top: This girl and I are both in a guild for the game GW2. We ended up playing the BWE3 together, got to know each other, we seemed to click. After that I just started talking to her on the forums (not these forums, the guild ones) and eventually got her Facebook and all that stuff. While talking we figured out how close we lived to one another, at least an hour apart. That's when I realized how I might actually be able to visit her in person, yet, I didn't want to come off as some sort of creeper or stalker if I ever did ask her. I also considered asking for her phone number at some point. Now, the problems I'm having currently are that we've only been talking for only a week at most. Also, there is quite an age difference. She is 24 years old, and I'm 18. She's been willing to talk to me though when it comes to the internet she could just be chatting with me from just a social standpoint, and not taking anything too seriously. I'm at a bit of a loss on what to do. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE] From a general standpoint, a long-distance relationship spawned by, and perpetuated through, video game interaction with a girl considerably older than you probably doesn't have a very long shelf-life. While a six year age gap may not be much to fuss about for older couples, it's the difference between "still in high school" and "just about done with college" for people your age, and that distinction brings with it some pretty extreme shifts in relative emotional maturity. While I can't speak on her behalf, I can say that my online interactions with people are much less meaningful than my face-to-face interactions! While I have fun talking to people online, and have made some pals, I could never imagine spawning a serious romantic relationship through primarily digital communications! AND SO, my advice would be this: enjoy her company in a platonic, social capacity, but know that it's not terribly likely to develop farther than that. You're eighteen, man, there are still tons of available girls your age all around you on a daily basis! In a couple of years, you'll look back and feel silly for squandering so many good opportunities! Support small businesses, date locally.
[QUOTE=G3rman;37004983]Well..I wouldn't go that far. Its definitely on an individual basis, but I had a relationship with an older girl about that age. For a time it worked, but we were both finding it hard to set up dates around secondary school so we broke up.[/QUOTE] like bda said, two people who are 18 and 24 years old are going to be at completely different points in their life. around here, usually you finish college by the time you're 21 or 22, while someone who's 18 is probably just wrapping up high school and starting college. as such they'll have completely different priorities and often won't be able to relate well on important issues.
Since I have been sick, I havent had much contact with anyone but, I did manage to get this girl im interested in to go out to the county fair in a week with me. Should be a fun time
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37005590]like bda said, two people who are 18 and 24 years old are going to be at completely different points in their life. around here, usually you finish college by the time you're 21 or 22, while someone who's 18 is probably just wrapping up high school and starting college. as such they'll have completely different priorities and often won't be able to relate well on important issues.[/QUOTE] To this I can relate. I used to date a very nice girl when I was 19 (I guess I was 19... if not, 20...). I just gotten into uni and in fact I really liked this girl. She was 3 or 4 years older than me and the sweetest girl I've ever met. I really liked her. We were together for quite long. 3 or 4 months, then a breakup and another 2 months I guess, I don't remember but it was tough. She lived 5hours away from me and studied 15 min away from my uni, so I could barely see her. And since she was almost on her way to finish university and was going back to her city we agreed not to have anything serious. I mean we tried and tried and the distance plus the difference of priorities between us two made any relationship impossible. We tried and tried and it costed me a lot, because I really liked her. When we broke up for good I couldn't even sleep or eat well with how sad I felt. She was the only girl who ever made me feel like that. The problem is that with distance and less availability sometimes comes obsession. You try and try and at the end of some time you realize you're so obsessed to make it work that things get worse. And yeah we argued a lot at the end. You know, text message terrorism, that text message saying "I miss you" that normally slipped through my self respect, only to feel stupid about sending it at the end. We didn't talk for months so we could both recover and move on. And we actually did move on. So much that today we still talk and are friends. She has a boyfriend, I had my relationships and I feel happy for her. Notwithstanding, I'm not saying it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep a relationship at distance or, in this case, when you're both that age. What I'm trying to say is it's tough and there are a lot of factors and variables working against the relationship. Some of them that people can't control. It's hard and requires a lot of time and commitment. It only works with someone who really likes you, or even loves you.
I'm really too tired to type an elaborate explanation of my situation, but I'll give you a short synopsis of the basic situation. Last year at school, I finally was accepted into the school newspaper because I'm good a writing and I needed another elective anyways. I meet a girl there named "S" who happens to be the newly-appointed editor-in-chief and as part of a "get-to-know-each-other" exercise we end up interviewing each other. It turns out we have a lot of similarities, but also a lot of differences. We like a lot of the same music, have similar literary tastes, share an interest in writing, and she even plays some vidya. However, we have different political views that led to a couple of heated debates every now and again. She's also pretty good looking, definitely an 8/10 or so. Right from the beginning I get the feeling that I want to know her better. Throughout the year, I keep in contact with her, talk with her, just try to be a good friend. I can tell she likes me as a person but the relationship we had was very weird. One day she would act all buddy-buddy and talk and joke with me, the other day she does or says nothing to me and keeps conversations short. Once the first semester is over, I've done a really good job in the staff, and I'm promoted to section editor. I really dedicate myself and work hard, and I can tell "S" really appreciates my selfless work. Once the second semester is over, I feel like I want to ask her out, seeing as I wouldn't be doing anything over the summer and I would really like to know her better. I started talking with her a lot more, complimenting her looks occassionally, cracking jokes, etc. On the second to last day of school, I find her after classes end and talk to her. I tell her that I really enjoyed her company and leadership during that year in newspaper and I'd really like to see her more often. She reacted rather positively and I then asked if she wanted to go to a movie that Saturday. She declined and said she had to go to the beach with her parents, but still, [i]her reaction seemed positive.[/i] Once she got back from the beach, I waited for a few days and then called her up again. We talked some small talk for a few minutes when I asked her to the movies again. My intentions were pretty clear, as she said "I'm sorry (anon), but I'm already [u]seeing someone else[/u]. [b]But it's ok if we [i]still be friends[/i][/b]". I brush it off jovially and continue the conversation for a bit. It's not long before she says she has to go and hangs up. There's one very odd thing about this whole situation, though. She said she already was "seeing someone" as she put it, however, I had heard no mention of anything of the sort. 1. I had never, ever heard anything about she being in a relationship. Our staff is a pretty tight-knit community of about 20 people, so anything like that would certainly be mentioned at some point, especially her being the defacto leader of the organization. 2. She had never put anything on facebook. No photos of her with someone, no statuses, no relationship changes, absolutely honest-to-god nothing. She's not exactly a socialite or facebook guru, but then again, I would've expected something to pop up. To be honest, I'm not sure what to think of it. She's a stellar girl, but I think I can move on after this. The thing that gets me is that I'm fairly sure that either the whole "seeing someone' thing is either a bald-faced lie (or alternatively, a nervous cop-out on her part) or an incredibly secret affair, something which I doubt. I would really appreciate help on the matter. I've been stewing on it for 2 months and I just can't get it out of my head. [editline]30th July 2012[/editline] welp pageking
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;37009297]To this I can relate. I used to date a very nice girl when I was 19 (I guess I was 19... if not, 20...). I just gotten into uni and in fact I really liked this girl. She was 3 or 4 years older than me and the sweetest girl I've ever met. I really liked her. We were together for quite long. 3 or 4 months, then a breakup and another 2 months I guess, I don't remember but it was tough. She lived 5hours away from me and studied 15 min away from my uni, so I could barely see her. And since she was almost on her way to finish university and was going back to her city we agreed not to have anything serious. I mean we tried and tried and the distance plus the difference of priorities between us two made any relationship impossible. We tried and tried and it costed me a lot, because I really liked her. When we broke up for good I couldn't even sleep or eat well with how sad I felt. She was the only girl who ever made me feel like that. The problem is that with distance and less availability sometimes comes obsession. You try and try and at the end of some time you realize you're so obsessed to make it work that things get worse. And yeah we argued a lot at the end. You know, text message terrorism, that text message saying "I miss you" that normally slipped through my self respect, only to feel stupid about sending it at the end. We didn't talk for months so we could both recover and move on. And we actually did move on. So much that today we still talk and are friends. She has a boyfriend, I had my relationships and I feel happy for her. Notwithstanding, I'm not saying it's IMPOSSIBLE to keep a relationship at distance or, in this case, when you're both that age. What I'm trying to say is it's tough and there are a lot of factors and variables working against the relationship. Some of them that people can't control. It's hard and requires a lot of time and commitment. It only works with someone who really likes you, or even loves you.[/QUOTE] Yeah, it's a tale as old as time. College: the number one killer of high school relationships. Most couples just can't cope with the new challenges and opportunities presented by the college environment. Be it because of an increased workload, physical distance, or simply an exposure to a brand new kind of social environment (and with it, new people and opportunities), many, many high school relationships go tits up once college butts into their everyday lives! [editline]30th July 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;37011978] She declined and said she had to go to the beach with her parents, but still, [i]her reaction seemed positive.[/i] Once she got back from the beach, I waited for a few days and then called her up again. We talked some small talk for a few minutes when I asked her to the movies again. My intentions were pretty clear, as she said "I'm sorry (anon), but I'm already [u]seeing someone else[/u]. [b]But it's ok if we [i]still be friends[/i][/b]". I brush it off jovially and continue the conversation for a bit. It's not long before she says she has to go and hangs up. There's one very odd thing about this whole situation, though. She said she already was "seeing someone" as she put it, however, I had heard no mention of anything of the sort. 1. I had never, ever heard anything about she being in a relationship. Our staff is a pretty tight-knit community of about 20 people, so anything like that would certainly be mentioned at some point, especially her being the defacto leader of the organization.[/QUOTE] Not to be overly blunt, but it doesn't matter whether or not she's actually seeing somebody else. If she is seeing somebody, then you've been declined, and all you can do is move on. If she only told you that as a gentle way to let you down, then you've still been declined, and all you can do is move on. Bum wrap, but that's the way things go sometimes. Better luck next time, bub!
[QUOTE=Wealth + Taste;37011978]snip[/QUOTE] Forget about her, its clear she isn't interested in a relationship with you (or perhaps with anyone). Sounds like she just isn't comfortable with the idea of being in one so she came up with something after misunderstanding your initial talk. After she realized you wanted to be more than friends she wanted out.
I guess I was over analyzing it too much. Thanks guys.
Yeah I just wanted to give a thanks to you guys for making me remember to approach this whole thing with some level of logic and reason. So I believe we'll end up just staying as friends and if some random miracle happens and she ends up interested in me, then sure, why the hell not. I think now I'll just stick to women a tad closer to my age, as I prefer older women :dance:
Tell me how to ignore a girl, which I was inlove since december and now shes with another guy. She only likes me as a friend and im only good when her bf is not around. I still think she likes me because she hangs out more with me than with him but she doesnt know that she likes me :P
[QUOTE=mr.sofa;37025794]I still think she likes me because she hangs out more with me than with him but she doesnt know that she likes me :P[/QUOTE] that's quite the longshot there quit wasting your time and find someone who knows they like you
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;37025827]that's quite the longshot there quit wasting your time and find someone who knows they like you[/QUOTE] I just know it, im not gonna write it all down why because im tying to forget her not think about stuff from the past :D
[QUOTE=mr.sofa;37025794]she hangs out more with me than with him[/QUOTE] It's absolutely and completely meaningless.
Ok maybe even not...whatever Im just confuuused ok ... I just want to forget her. We agreed to go on a date and the day before the date, she went back together with her ex...
[QUOTE=mr.sofa;37026050]Ok maybe even not...whatever Im just confuuused ok ... I just want to forget her. We agreed to go on a date and the day before the date, she went back together with her ex...[/QUOTE] What do YOU want exactly? First you say you want to forget her , then you go all soft and go on a date and now you're surprised about her getting back to her ex... Deep inside I believe you already saw that coming. I don't know what kind of advice I could give you. Right now you're nuts about her and you're thinking one thing and doing another. I think you should focus on getting your feet on the ground because your head is on the clouds, no matter of what she does or thinks about you. In the end it's all up to the choices we all make and she made her choice. Knowing this, over thinking about it only makes you confused even more. You surely have a life besides her, right? Use that and move on my friend. She made her choice and it's time for you to ride into the sunset and find some closure.
Okay I have another post that isn't REALLY related to the topic, and this one ISN'T A RANT, but it's equally silly. No seriously, I can fucking GUARANTEE you have never come across a problem like before in your life, this is so fucking odd. Okay, so I am almost 17 years old, and I get my license in 20 days. I come from an upper middle class family and I'm an only child, too. So if I ever want something I can get it much easier than most. HOWEVER for this reason, I'm paradoxically very humble and don't usually ask for much in first world terms, because I know I'll be perceived as a rich snob. Some people see me as that anyways, while there are people in my school who come from much wealthier backgrounds that are immensely popular and are liked by many. My dad on the other hand, was not wealthy as a kid. He lived in a rural community with 8 or 9 siblings, in a house about 1/8th the size of our current house which houses three people. He was by all means nearly poor. His father owned a garage however which he helped out in, so the family altogether wasn't THAT bad. Anyways, my dad starts his own business, becomes fairly well off, buys another business, etc. Now he owns two small businesses, and is about to retire at age 50. My family owns around seven cars, seriously not even joking, we have two 2011 Dodge Challengers, a 2010 Camaro, and we had a '06 Corvette that we sold not because we needed the money, but because it wasn't fucking used. Theres a few other ones too, but those are just our generic every day use ones. Aside from that though, we're fairly middle class. NOW, ONTO MY PROBLEM: My dad had a fairly poor upbringing and because of that + our fair amount of wealth today, he wants to buy me a brand new car. So does my mom. That's the problem though, as I mentioned earlier I'm quite humble for a white upper-middle class male, so I don't want a new car. Well I do obviously, but I'm not sure if I should. I would be more materialistically content with a new car, but I somehow think it would be better if I bought a used car or maybe took my dad's '86 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, which isn't a bad car but isn't BRAND FUCKING NEW either. But at the same time, ever since I was born my dad apparently wanted to buy me a new car when I got my license. But I REALLY don't want to give the idea that I'm a rich asshole, it's been something I've been trying my hardest to avoid since like grade 6. WAT DO. tl;dr I am the only teenager on earth that doesn't really want a new car when I get my license but my parents want to buy me one, what the fuck do I do in this backwards situation
i wish people would stop writing novels about their problems that could easily be condensed into one or two sentences. so you don't want to drive an expensive car? just tell your dad you'd rather get a used car or something more moderately priced or whatever. i don't understand what the issue is
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37028096]i wish people would stop writing novels about their problems that could easily be condensed into one or two sentences. so you don't want to drive an expensive car? just tell your dad you'd rather get a used car or something more moderately priced or whatever. i don't understand what the issue is[/QUOTE] You obviously don't understand the concept and drawbacks of tl;dr
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028126]You obviously don't understand the concept and drawbacks of tl;dr[/QUOTE] why have the first four paragraphs there to begin with if they don't contain any relevant information aside from repeating "i'm upper middle class but ~super humble~" over and over again?
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028126]You obviously don't understand the concept and drawbacks of tl;dr[/QUOTE] Man the fuck up and choose how you want to live your life. This is a first world problem, really not hard to figure out whichever one you would prefer. Sorry, but I grew up in a German family that is very focused on men handling their own problems or at the very least not walking around a subject.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37028158]why have the first four paragraphs there to begin with if they don't contain any relevant information aside from repeating "i'm upper middle class but ~super humble~" over and over again?[/QUOTE] Because that is the way I write, I try to give as much detail as possible with things and yes sometimes I unintentionally repeat things, but at that point it's too much effort to dissect a forum post and edit out certain things that are already woven into what I wrote, just so some people can have 15 extra seconds to their life. Instead, I just add a tl;dr at the bottom which usually is one or two sentences as you requested, but contains barely any of the details that make up the damn post [editline]1st August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=G3rman;37028259]Man the fuck up and choose how you want to live your life. This is a first world problem, really not hard to figure out whichever one you would prefer. Sorry, but I grew up in a German family that is very focused on men handling their own problems or at the very least not walking around a subject.[/QUOTE] I think men are supposed to handle their own problems regardless of background, but wouldn't that call for the deletion of nearly every post in this thread? I made the post because although it doesn't really seem like a big decision to most, it is a big one for me, I'm my father's only child and I already told him I had no plans of taking over his business, so I just don't really know what to do here.
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028261] I think men are supposed to handle their own problems regardless of background, but wouldn't that call for the deletion of nearly every post in this thread?[/QUOTE] Difference is, your problem is pretty insignificant.
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028261]I think men are supposed to handle their own problems regardless of background, but wouldn't that call for the deletion of nearly every post in this thread?[/QUOTE] you don't HAVE a problem, and comparing your own issue of "qq my family's too rich and they want to buy me nice things!" to those of people with legitimate relationship problems is insulting at best. [editline]31st July 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Zerohe;37028261]I made the post because although it doesn't really seem like a big decision to most, it is a big one for me, I'm my father's only child and I already told him I had no plans of taking over his business, so I just don't really know what to do here.[/QUOTE] you haven't specified why this is a problem. have you already sat down and had a serious talk with your dad about it but he's still adamant about buying you something atrociously overpriced? you haven't identified any sort of obstacle.
[QUOTE=G3rman;37028296]Difference is, your problem is pretty insignificant.[/QUOTE] Half this thread boils down to: "i'm about to go on a date with a girl, what do I do" when getting a mate has been something animals have been programmed to do since the beginning of time. I bet those problems are insignificant to a kid in Uganda, who would probably make a post along the lines of "I JUST ESCAPED FROM A CAMP OWNED BY KONY AND NOW THE UGANDA LIBERATION FRONT ARE AFTER ME, WHAT DO I DO" [editline]1st August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37028308]you don't HAVE a problem, and comparing your own issue of "qq my family's too rich and they want to buy me nice things!" to those of people with legitimate relationship problems is insulting at best. [editline]31st July 2012[/editline] you haven't specified why this is a problem. have you already sat down and had a serious talk with your dad about it but he's still adamant about buying you something atrociously overpriced? you haven't identified any sort of obstacle.[/QUOTE] I do have a problem, and however little it is to you it's fairly important to me. Frankly I find a lot of these aspergerial posts here about relationships silly, but I respect other people are in other circumstances and are tied down to different experiences than I have been As for why its a problem, please re-read what I have wrote so far
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028326]Half this thread boils down to: "i'm about to go on a date with a girl, what do I do" when getting a mate has been something animals have been programmed to do since the beginning of time. r[/QUOTE] If you don't even know the intricacies and nightmares of social interaction and relationships, and how complicated they really are, then of course you aren't going to understand the problems of people here. I'll agree that some posts are pretty obvious what the answer is, but not that many on FP are all that educated or experienced when it comes to dating and girls which is why they come here for advice. Regardless of the subject, its better they come here and learn rather than fail and perhaps take a turn for the worst thinking themselves worthless or something. To me you sound like a whiny kid who has an insignificant problem, and he already made his mind up but is asking other people because he is indecisive/wants attention.
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028326]As for why its a problem, please re-read what I have wrote so far[/QUOTE] there is no point in your post where you state that you've already told your dad you don't want an expensive new car. you haven't given any indication that the issue in your post is actually a problem because there are no apparent obstacles with you telling your dad you don't want a new car. talking to your dad about it is the most obvious solution and if you haven't done that yet then there's no reason for you to be here asking for help.
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