• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=G3rman;37028401]If you don't even know the intricacies and nightmares of social interaction and relationships, and how complicated they really are, then of course you aren't going to understand the problems of people here. I'll agree that some posts are pretty obvious what the answer is, but not that many on FP are all that educated or experienced when it comes to dating and girls which is why they come here for advice. Regardless of the subject, its better they come here and learn rather than fail and perhaps take a turn for the worst thinking themselves worthless or something. To me you sound like a whiny kid who has an insignificant problem, and he already made his mind up but is asking other people because he is indecisive/wants attention.[/QUOTE] I do know the intricacies of social interaction and relationships, well enough to know that the answer to most problems involved in them one way or another ends up at "have more confidence in yourself and your abilities." This is harder for some people than others, and I understand that, even though personally I haven't really experienced things to the extent they have. They make up the bulk of this thread which shows many people have these problems, but to me they can be quite silly and straightforward. However, sometimes people just need help and this is the thread on FP for it. As for me, maybe I do sound like a whiny kid who has an insignificant problem to you, but I stated in my post it wasn't a usual problem. And as much as you keep trying to make it out like its not a problem, it is for me. I think if I hadn't mentioned my age or the fact my family was upper-middle class in that post, we wouldn't be having this discussion now would we? I tried to get across I'm not one of these kids who have been catered to since birth with every wish and whim, and I maintain that I am not, no matter how much that post seems like it. It is a legitimate problem, and I came here for advice, and maybe there is a simple/obvious/stupid answer, but I would argue that applies to nearly every other post in this thread as well [editline]1st August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37028448]there is no point in your post where you state that you've already told your dad you don't want an expensive new car. you haven't given any indication that the issue in your post is actually a problem because there are no apparent obstacles with you telling your dad you don't want a new car. talking to your dad about it is the most obvious solution and if you haven't done that yet then there's no reason for you to be here asking for help.[/QUOTE] The obstacle is implied, that I'm not sure if I should tell my dad I don't want it or not [editline]1st August 2012[/editline] Anyways here, I'll stop this now. Just nevermind, pretend I didn't post, I'll solve this myself
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028494]I do know the intricacies of social interaction and relationships, well enough to know that the answer to most problems involved in them one way or another ends up at "have more confidence in yourself and your abilities." [B]here's the solution for your problem: stop bitching about people wanting to do nice things for you.[/B] This is harder for some people than others, and I understand that, even though personally I haven't really experienced things to the extent they have. They make up the bulk of this thread which shows many people have these problems, but to me they can be quite silly and straightforward. However, sometimes people just need help and this is the thread on FP for it. As for me, maybe I do sound like a whiny kid who has an insignificant problem to you, but I stated in my post it wasn't a usual problem. [b]i assumed you were 14-15 before i even knew what your problem was. you're incapable of being concise, which usually implies youth. not only that but you're self centered and believe your own issues of people wanting to spend money on you are more valid than other issues that have been discussed in this thread.[/b] And as much as you keep trying to make it out like its not a problem, it is for me. I think if I hadn't mentioned my age or the fact my family was upper-middle class in that post, we wouldn't be having this discussion now would we? I tried to get across I'm not one of these kids who have been catered to since birth with every wish and whim, and I maintain that I am not, no matter how much that post seems like it. It is a legitimate problem, and I came here for advice, and maybe there is a simple/obvious/stupid answer, but I would argue that applies to nearly every other post in this thread as well [b]it's not a legitimate problem because there is nothing hindering you. i've said this three times now. if you're actually here for advice then learn to listen.[/b][/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37028555][/QUOTE] Fuck it might as well stay for another few rounds 1. I'm not bitching, I made a post in a thread looking for advice 2. You're incapable of reading which usually implies you don't have a legitimate point. as for being self centered, I made a post about not wanting to hurt my father's feelings whilst also dabbling in how I don't want peers to be jealous of me. I'm not trying to prove I'm a Red Cross donor or something, but if that's "self centered" then you must have fairly high expectations for altruistic 3. I've said this four times now, there is something hindering me and its why I posted here, however small it seems to you. I have been listening, but i try and only intake valuable things, which your posts aren't doing a good job of representing
Whelp, I broke down and messaged her, got friendzoned, and deleted off FB. Better luck next time.
[QUOTE=Fulsam;37028689]Whelp, I broke down and messaged her, got friendzoned, and deleted off FB. Better luck next time.[/QUOTE] She doesn't sound so pleasant after all. Better off.
so i'm a fucking idiot in a summer college course, two reports due tomorrow. held off on doing them for a while (prof didn't respond to my emails asking about the project so i have no way of finding out what project i'm doing or what topic it's on). usually i don't let school-related stress get to me because i easily get panic attacks, migraines, etc and in general my health suffers a LOT from stress. hurray migraines/panic attacks/not having any idea what format any of my assignments are supposed to be in! also spending $15 for 24 hour access to a database because my fucking college doesn't give us access to any sort of database!
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37029252]so i'm a fucking idiot in a summer college course, two reports due tomorrow. held off on doing them for a while (prof didn't respond to my emails asking about the project so i have no way of finding out what project i'm doing or what topic it's on). usually i don't let school-related stress get to me because i easily get panic attacks, migraines, etc and in general my health suffers a LOT from stress. hurray migraines/panic attacks/not having any idea what format any of my assignments are supposed to be in! also spending $15 for 24 hour access to a database because my fucking college doesn't give us access to any sort of database![/QUOTE] last minute report writing is the staple of university over here in the uk. Stop worrying about doing it and actually do it. Good luck.
I got high marks from doing a research paper (from start to finish) in the early morning of the same due day. It's very possible to do, in fact its the only way I do Hausarbeit.
[QUOTE=metallics;37030471]last minute report writing is the staple of university over here in the uk. Stop worrying about doing it and actually do it. Good luck.[/QUOTE] usually i'm good about last-minute reports, but i've been sleep deprived for the past week and my memory span lasts about 10 seconds. managed to make a title page for a lab report before forgetting what i was supposed to be doing. i've been trying to calm down for the past half hour or so because i was at the point where i couldn't see straight. they're supposed to be 5 pages each, double spaced, except my teacher didn't give clear instructions on formatting or subject matter. but yeah, thanks
hand them in late, you'll probably get less marks off for lateness than for shittiness
Last minute essays are my specialty. In fact, essays in general. I am a masterful college essayist. I make essays my property, but I still treat them well. Like a middle-aged Catholic widow raising God knows how many litters of children on a single-parent income, I am firm and direct with my essays, and though my parental instincts may confuse or disturb the outside observer, its affection and effectiveness cannot be denied.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37030784]Last minute essays are my specialty. In fact, essays in general. I am a masterful college essayist. I make essays my property, but I still treat them well. Like a middle-aged Catholic widow raising God knows how many litters of children on a single-parent income, I am firm and direct with my essays, and though my parental instincts may confuse or disturb the outside observer, its affection and effectiveness cannot be denied.[/QUOTE] Do you also beat your essays with a belt?
This may be more of a rant than an actual question, can't really vent to people I actually know though. Just feel like writing this out somewhere cause I can't properly explain it to people IRL without them seeming to think I'm a horrible person. My boyfriend already thinks I'm not really as sympathetic with people as I should be (other than him). Anyway, beginning into middleschool I had no real friends. There were a few other girls I hung out with but they regularly just went to hang out the two of them and left me by myself. During this time I met K and S. They amalgamated on to the group through my other friends. Being an outlier in the growing group I spoke mostly to K and we became friends. S regularly dragged more and more people into the group and hardly talked to them. On to Highschool and S continues to pull in more people and stops paying any attention to K. K has anxiety issues and depression. I'm constantly helping her out and giving her advice and cheering her up. She decides she hates S and doesn't want to be in that group, and so K and I go hang out ourselves elsewhere. S suddenly care sis upset, blames me. I didn't really care. Just generally big girl drama. Eventually I got a boyfriend, and then the group becomes an awkward 3. I try my hardest to pay attention to both of them, talking to K and him as much as I can. He is constantly busy and we don't really get to hang out ever (he did band, drama, and other random extra curricular activities and never went online so never really saw each other out of school even though I wanted to). K started getting pissy cause I wasn't spending enough time with her or talking to her. Eventually the lack of balance undermined the relationship and he broke up with me. K certainly wasn't sympathetic when I had problems, but pretty much daily I would be wasting my time and ruining any good mood I had trying to make her feel better about whatever was bothering her. Over time I became resentful and I got quite tired of dealing of her problems constantly with little reciprocation even though I went through multiple phases of depression or "low mood" as therapists like to call it. I avoided considering dateing anyone else. I learned before not to date anyone shortly after breaking up (after a 2 year relationship break up you tend to be over desperate and need someone to validate you). A year later I got a new boyfriend. K started pulling the same stuff of not getting enough attention and basically telling me to hang out with him less and her more. I snapped(in the softest way possible, although she still interpreted that as a full blown thing) and told her she doesn't get to decide that. I wasn't going to let her ruin my chances at ever having a relationship for herself. We broke off, we still talk amicably a little but I get the feeling she pretty much hates me now. Apparently she explained it to friends as I told her to fuck off. Not really what I said. I've graduated highschool and am still dating the same guy, relationship going well. This whole situation still bugs me though and I don't think i've really explained it fully but I don't know. It still bugs me. No one will give me an honest opinion on what happened (except my ex who messaged me on facebook to say good job when he heard of it. He's friendly we still get along, was a bit weird but okay) Then recently a person I met during high school has been messaging me more. She considers me a friend and keeps asking me advice. She likewise has depression issues and is tripped by even the slightest thing, permanently hating someone for making a slightly distasteful comment once without knowing the situation. I do not want to deal with more peoples issues and although I do give her advice and someone to rant to, I just want to know why I seem to attract people with mental problems. (I know 2 other friends with diagnosed issues, I don't consider them friends but they consider me. lost contact after highschool mostly) To me it bugs me to complain your problems to everyone like most of the people I know do. I'm someone who prefers to keep it to themselves and finds whining to be incredibly annoying. I vent occasionally, mostly to just a journal on my computer. Anyway, it all just irritates me and I've been sorta messed up lately so I guess everything is just coming back to bother me again... Sorry for the book. tl:dr I have no friends and don't like helping people. Edit: Oh jesus that is a long post
[QUOTE=Zerohe;37028326]Half this thread boils down to: "i'm about to go on a date with a girl, what do I do" when getting a mate has been something animals have been programmed to do since the beginning of time.[/QUOTE] Thank you for making me laugh by saying possibly the dumbest thing I've seen all day. It somewhat brightened my day.
rhenae, don't ever feel like you owe it to people to listen to their sob stories. if you don't feel like they're reciprocating then just say you're busy whenever they ask until they get the hint. while there are going to be people you meet who you legitimately want to help, others will just tend to latch on to you. only help those who you feel you can rely on to help you in return. at risk of cliché, that's what friends do, haha.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37035380]Edit: Oh jesus that is a long post[/QUOTE] there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be used as a shoulder to cry on 24/7. all i can really say is you'll probably be able to find a better group when you start college, assuming you're doing that. moodiness and poor judgment are characteristic of the teenage years and those sorts of people will become less prevalent after you're out of high school.
[QUOTE=GoldenGnome;37036393]rhenae, don't ever feel like you owe it to people to listen to their sob stories. if you don't feel like they're reciprocating then just say you're busy whenever they ask until they get the hint. while there are going to be people you meet who you legitimately want to help, others will just tend to latch on to you. only help those who you feel you can rely on to help you in return. at risk of cliché, that's what friends do, haha.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37036490]there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be used as a shoulder to cry on 24/7. all i can really say is you'll probably be able to find a better group when you start college, assuming you're doing that. moodiness and poor judgment are characteristic of the teenage years and those sorts of people will become less prevalent after you're out of high school.[/QUOTE] Thanks, both of you. I'm hoping I'll meet some more people at art college. :) Although probably not the best place to avoid moody people from XD
Artistic people tend to have the most unique or well-developed personalities in my experience, an arts course will probably be very good for you after high school Speaking of which we're still waiting for a sketchbook update, come back to CC!
So I need to pull some smooth moves on my girlfriend. Something cool. Unfortunately as a general rule once I'm in a relationship I tend to lose all semblance of being able to be smooth. Suggestions?
Thank you everyone for the advice, however I think I'm just going to move on and not talk to Claire anymore. Perhaps in the distant future her and I will be friends, but for now I'm just going to get on with my life. I can proudly say though, that I have learned a lot from this experience.
i realized that i have a problem whereby i get attached to things that might happen rather than things that are actually happening. spent the last three months on and off with this girl who, now that it's 4 am, i see used me for the entirety of it, and every time she'd give me a little inkling of interest here, or a silly hook up there, i'd fall into her trap again. although i knew how it would end every time, i kept slogging along in hopes of all the great things that we could be together, rather than what was right in front of me: me getting lead on. so the other day i texted her, essentially, are we still hooking up, to which she replied in the negative, and i haven't talked to her meaningfully since. i saw her today at a mutual friends grad party but i spent the whole time flirting with a friend of hers (who revealed to me that she [the friend] actually detests her [the first girl mentioned herein] but tolerates her because she likes having friends in my town.). i honestly thought that i was over her so many times and tonight was one of those nights, but a friend of mine started egging me on saying he was gonna go after her or whatever and it really upset me, even though i knew he was joking. so fuck. [editline]2nd August 2012[/editline] i'm leaving for college soon, so hopefully i'll be able to get over this girl and get under some others. [editline]2nd August 2012[/editline] it just really blows because there were times when it felt so real, like she really cared about me, and now i'm wondering if any of it meant anything. i can't believe that i'm feeling these things at my age, but whatever. i mean, fuck, i feel like i'm in middle school. [editline]2nd August 2012[/editline] so yea uhm that's my sorry state of affairs, thanks for reading, gang. fuck.
That's happened to me dude. You just got to learn to hate her and move on. It was really the only way I could do it.
I wouldn't say "hate" her, just let some time pass and try to get your mind off of her and you'll be good.
So I got friendzoned like I said pages back, but uhm, I was wondering if this Idea I have is dangerous and a way to destroy our friendship, basically, I ask her out, show her two tickets I got from volunteering at the Cinema for a year and allow her to pick any film. And this time, in person. I am asking here because, you guys all had/have girlfriends and know alot me than me. Give me your opinions. Oh and she mentioned the first time I asked her out that it might wreck our friendship, maybe there is a way to tell her it wont.
I really want to be wined, dined and 69'd. Like really fucking badly.
[QUOTE=Xonax;37049967]So I got friendzoned like I said pages back, but uhm, I was wondering if this Idea I have is dangerous and a way to destroy our friendship, basically, I ask her out, show her two tickets I got from volunteering at the Cinema for a year and allow her to pick any film. And this time, in person. I am asking here because, you guys all had/have girlfriends and know alot me than me. Give me your opinions. Oh and she mentioned the first time I asked her out that it might wreck our friendship, maybe there is a way to tell her it wont.[/QUOTE] You did not "get friendzoned" If there is such a zone, you were most likely always there, because she's not into you Giving her a choice of films to watch will not move her into another "zone" where she is interested in you So do your best to enjoy having her as a friend.
[QUOTE=Xonax;37049967]So I got friendzoned like I said pages back, but uhm, I was wondering if this Idea I have is dangerous and a way to destroy our friendship, basically, I ask her out, show her two tickets I got from volunteering at the Cinema for a year and allow her to pick any film. And this time, in person. I am asking here because, you guys all had/have girlfriends and know alot me than me. Give me your opinions. Oh and she mentioned the first time I asked her out that it might wreck our friendship, maybe there is a way to tell her it wont.[/QUOTE] Ask her, and basically tell her just that. There is no reason you can't date and be friends. Maybe give her the option to go as a couple or just friends, but you'll have to word it right.
[QUOTE=redBadger;37048495]That's happened to me dude. You just got to learn to hate her and move on. It was really the only way I could do it.[/QUOTE] i already hate her. especially with the new knowledge that while she was teasing me she ran off and fucked some random. feeling incredibly inadequate. i feel like i need to confront her but i know that's just going to lead to her stupid apologies and more importantly me believing them. ughh
You know whats annoying.. people who dont text back within a timely manner. Not really specifically crucial to my situation but still annoys the living shit out of me when you are trying to make plans with someone
Don't base your self worth off of other people, especially someone like that who doesn't really deserve someone like you who's dedicated and actually cares. I can totally see how you're feeling but from our perspective she just sounds like a total bitch. Don't let yourself be taken advantage by her anymore and know that there's people way better for you out there that you'll be sure to meet in college.
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