The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37058940]check out how much of other people's stuff she likes and comments on
if she does it for everyone she's just a facebook addict. if it's solely you thats a little different[/QUOTE]
Shes not an addict. She only is active on the thing for a few minutes it seems everyday. Sure shes a girl and they like everything that gets posted to their wall.. but I think that this is a sign if she is liking things that are over a month old.
So I have a question. Thought this would be a good place to ask.
I am seeing a girl next week. Now the ol' "We should hang out some time" worked a treat (we're good friends but nothing sexual), but I am attracted to her. I'm not at all awkward around girls, in fact I thrive in their company, but I'm really really unproactive, as in, I'm not at actually trying to start relationships (making friends is fine, but anything more than that). Bad experiences with that before so despite spending most of my time around female friends I haven't asked anyone out proper in years.
Any advice?
[QUOTE=areolop;37072222]Shes not an addict. She only is active on the thing for a few minutes it seems everyday. Sure shes a girl and they like everything that gets posted to their wall.. but I think that this is a sign if she is liking things that are over a month old.[/QUOTE]
i wouldn't go so far as to call it a 'sign,' but i would at least start talking to her.
[QUOTE=AltUser;37066595]So I've had this problem for months and I just can't kick it no matter what I do; I'm in love with my best friend.
So as assumed, I'm a male and of course, she's female. Oh, by the way, we're both eighteen.
Around five months ago there was a chance of us getting into a relationship together, it all happened one night while we were drunk and we kissed, etc.
But around a week later she decided we should stay friends, which destroyed me, I just couldn't get over it. and we didn't talk much.
So then a few weeks later we start talking again and we developed feelings for each other, we decided to give it a go, but yet again she felt like it wasn't right.
So that was it, I couldn't take it any more, I didn't talk to her for two months, despite it killing me and making me feel like shit all the time.
Eventually around two weeks ago you guessed it, we started talking again. This time, making sure that we were friends from the start and nothing more. But here's the thing, when we go out together, such as the other night we went camping, just the two of us. [B]We cuddled all night and held hands and other stuff like that. And yes, we're still friends at this point, is this weird or what? Because I'm pretty damn sure that friends don't do stuff like this.[/B]
Anyway, although I keep telling myself we're just friends I cannot help feeling strongly about her, I hate to say it, but I honestly think I'm in love, it's crazy, right? But we talk constantly, and when we don't, all I do is think about her. She's the first thing I think about before going to bed and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
I don't want to stop being friends with her, but I just don't know what to do. If you read all this then thank you.[/QUOTE]
It doesn't happen often, but it's certainly not out of the question. It obviously depends a lot on your temperament, hers, and your relationship. I get lots of hugs and cuddles and stuff with female friends, they're comfortable around me. That's probably something similar here. Of course that may or may not suggest attraction; I don't have enough information to say.
My advice is, for now, to be patient. From what I see, this could go either way. You must learn to exercise self-restraint and not make any rash actions that could endanger your relationship. Letting your attraction mature will show you just how strong it really is. Also will give you more time to understand her.
[QUOTE=AltUser;37066595]So I've had this problem for months and I just can't kick it no matter what I do; I'm in love with my best friend.
So as assumed, I'm a male and of course, she's female. Oh, by the way, we're both eighteen.
Around five months ago there was a chance of us getting into a relationship together, it all happened one night while we were drunk and we kissed, etc.
But around a week later she decided we should stay friends, which destroyed me, I just couldn't get over it. and we didn't talk much.
So then a few weeks later we start talking again and we developed feelings for each other, we decided to give it a go, but yet again she felt like it wasn't right.
So that was it, I couldn't take it any more, I didn't talk to her for two months, despite it killing me and making me feel like shit all the time.
Eventually around two weeks ago you guessed it, we started talking again. This time, making sure that we were friends from the start and nothing more. But here's the thing, when we go out together, such as the other night we went camping, just the two of us. We cuddled all night and held hands and other stuff like that. And yes, we're still friends at this point, is this weird or what? Because I'm pretty damn sure that friends don't do stuff like this.
Anyway, although I keep telling myself we're just friends I cannot help feeling strongly about her, I hate to say it, but I honestly think I'm in love, it's crazy, right? But we talk constantly, and when we don't, all I do is think about her. She's the first thing I think about before going to bed and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
I don't want to stop being friends with her, but I just don't know what to do. If you read all this then thank you.[/QUOTE]
This is another situation of you don't have to stop being friends to date! Leave it a while so you don't scare her off right away and explain you think it really could work and there is no reason you have to stop being friends to be more than friends.
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37072582]So I have a question. Thought this would be a good place to ask.
I am seeing a girl next week. Now the ol' "We should hang out some time" worked a treat (we're good friends but nothing sexual), but I am attracted to her. I'm not at all awkward around girls, in fact I thrive in their company, but I'm really really unproactive, as in, I'm not at actually trying to start relationships (making friends is fine, but anything more than that). Bad experiences with that before so despite spending most of my time around female friends I haven't asked anyone out proper in years.
Any advice?[/QUOTE]
if you're that comfortable with making female friends, it's the same situation, except your actions simply need to be bolder
a simple coffee date can be made more-than-friendly with subtle "accidental" hand touches, a Q&A discussion that is more than just small talk, and instead of sitting across from each other at a table, you could sit next to each other if you feel you two are already that comfortable with each other
basically you are trying to imprint the image that you can be more than just the nice guy friend that she talks to at work
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37072582]So I have a question. Thought this would be a good place to ask.
I am seeing a girl next week. Now the ol' "We should hang out some time" worked a treat (we're good friends but nothing sexual), but I am attracted to her. I'm not at all awkward around girls, in fact I thrive in their company, but I'm really really unproactive, as in, I'm not at actually trying to start relationships (making friends is fine, but anything more than that). Bad experiences with that before so despite spending most of my time around female friends I haven't asked anyone out proper in years.
Any advice?[/QUOTE]
Hang out as friends just the two of you a bit, see how that goes. If your particularly lucky she might decide to ask you. If not but you think she likes you as well eventually you'll have to make it a suggestion some time.
I might suggest some time when your going to the movies some time ask "shall we call that a date then?" or something similar. It's a slightly ambiguous line but should work well.
Worked for me :D
[QUOTE=areolop;37072222]Shes not an addict. She only is active on the thing for a few minutes it seems everyday. Sure shes a girl and they like everything that gets posted to their wall.. but I think that this is a sign if she is liking things that are over a month old.[/QUOTE]
This is a bit of a flag for me. When I first got my current boyfriend on Facebook I accidentally liked something he posted a year ago.
Luckily he didn't use his facebook much XP
If you post fairly regularly (so month old things arn't at pretty much the top of your page) then it seems likely. She is at least fairly interested in you some way or another.
[editline]3rd August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=djshox;37073415]if you're that comfortable with making female friends, it's the same situation, except your actions simply need to be bolder
a simple coffee date can be made more-than-friendly with subtle "accidental" hand touches, a Q&A discussion that is more than just small talk, and instead of sitting across from each other at a table, [B]you could sit next to each other if you feel you two are already that comfortable with each other[/B]
basically you are trying to imprint the image that you can be more than just the nice guy friend that she talks to at work[/QUOTE]
Sit across from eachother would be my suggestion, women prefer to sit across from people they are interested in and talking to, guys prefer beside.
[QUOTE=Seith;37065473]Is it because he's a "pick up artist" or because you can't imagine someone knowing more than you on such an "abstract" field?[/QUOTE]
haha
you walk into these i swear
[editline]3rd August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37072582]So I have a question. Thought this would be a good place to ask.
I am seeing a girl next week. Now the ol' "We should hang out some time" worked a treat (we're good friends but nothing sexual), but I am attracted to her. I'm not at all awkward around girls, in fact I thrive in their company, but I'm really really unproactive, as in, I'm not at actually trying to start relationships (making friends is fine, but anything more than that). Bad experiences with that before so despite spending most of my time around female friends I haven't asked anyone out proper in years.
Any advice?[/QUOTE]
what exactly is the question??
if it's "how do i make her understand i want to be more than friends" it has to be in your body language. be more intimate and take the conversation there. most of communication is body language.
[QUOTE=djshox;37073415]and instead of sitting across from each other at a table, you could sit next to each other if you feel you two are already that comfortable with each other[/QUOTE]
i don't know about this, the nice thing about sitting across from each other is being able to easily see each other and make eye contact. when you're sitting next to each other it's hard to look at each other while holding a conversation.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37073448]Hang out as friends just the two of you a bit, see how that goes. [b]If your particularly lucky she might decide to ask you.[/b] If not but you think she likes you as well eventually you'll have to make it a suggestion some time.[/QUOTE]
i don't know how other girls feel about this, but i would be absolutely appalled if a guy who was interested in me waited for me to ask him out because he didn't have the guts to do it himself. to me, there is nothing more unattractive in a guy than a lack of confidence and nothing pisses me off more than a guy constantly expecting me to take the lead.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37073448]I might suggest some time when your going to the movies some time ask "shall we call that a date then?" or something similar. It's a slightly ambiguous line but should work well.[/QUOTE]
"oh btw we're romantically involved now, sorry i didn't tell you beforehand"
please don't do this, make it perfectly clear what your intentions are before you declare it a date
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37073942]i don't know how other girls feel about this, but i would be absolutely appalled if a guy who was interested in me waited for me to ask him out because he didn't have the guts to do it himself. to me, there is nothing more unattractive in a guy than a lack of confidence and nothing pisses me off more than a guy constantly expecting me to take the lead.[/QUOTE]
This sort of happened to me. I was going to ask her out, but literally right before I did, she asked me out.
"And you know, you're supposed to be the one doing this."
"Well you beat me to it! I was literally just about to."
She still doesn't believe me. Oh well.
Though I can understand why a girl would get annoyed if they had to ask the guy out.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37073942]
i don't know how other girls feel about this, but i would be absolutely appalled if a guy who was interested in me waited for me to ask him out because he didn't have the guts to do it himself. to me, there is nothing more unattractive in a guy than a lack of confidence and nothing pisses me off more than a guy constantly expecting me to take the lead. [/QUOTE]
I asked my boyfriend out. I'm not saying wait for it, just saying if your lucky she might and save you the trouble.
[quote]
"oh btw we're romantically involved now, sorry i didn't tell you beforehand"
please don't do this, make it perfectly clear what your intentions are before you declare it a date[/quote]
That isn't quite what I mean by that, I mean pose it as a question, would you like to call it a date then. Again, this is from my own experience. Besides i'm suggesting doing this after waiting, after having been on multiple one on one outings before then. Once its fairly obvious they like eachother.
Not first time out.
[editline]3rd August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074684]This sort of happened to me. I was going to ask her out, but literally right before I did, she asked me out.
"And you know, you're supposed to be the one doing this."
"Well you beat me to it! I was literally just about to."
She still doesn't believe me. Oh well.
Though I can understand why a girl would get annoyed if they had to ask the guy out.[/QUOTE]
I honestly don't know why other girls complain about this. Equal rights, equal actions.
Actually i've asked out all the guys i've dated.
Yup, I should be lesbian.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37073448]Sit across from eachother would be my suggestion, women prefer to sit across from people they are interested in and talking to, guys prefer beside.[/QUOTE]
Compromise!
[T]http://i.imgur.com/QqiNT.png[/T]
:v:
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074797]Compromise!
[T]http://i.imgur.com/QqiNT.png[/T]
:v:[/QUOTE]
Even if you don't mean it, technically a good idea. Compromises closeness and easy eye contact together XD
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37074815]Even if you don't mean it, technically a good idea. Compromises closeness and easy eye contact together XD[/QUOTE]
Exactly. This is actually what I do (when possible) when out to eat.
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074797]Compromise!
[T]http://i.imgur.com/QqiNT.png[/T]
:v:[/QUOTE]
Funfact. sitting at the corner - not directly across from each other - keeps the communication line open. If you are sitting across the table from the other person, they may feel as if a barrier is between you.
[sp]Not sure if this is how it goes down with relationships but thats how it works in the Police world[/sp]
[QUOTE=areolop;37074861]Funfact. sitting at the corner - not directly across from each other - keeps the communication line open. If you are sitting across the table from the other person, they may feel as if a barrier is between you.[/QUOTE]
This is exactly how I feel.
I think it's normal for a girl to ask a guy out. I mean, as long as it's spontaneous and the guy's not how Guy Manly described.
I wouldn't call it asking out but sometimes girls have invited me to go out, like "hey, there's going to be this and that tonight, wanna come?" Something like that. But I always made sure I asked girls out myself.
Personally I like to take initiative. But I find attractive when a girl takes initiative too. I like active girls that can tell what they want and say what they think. I like that.
Something that really frustrates me when I go out with someone s for example when I ask, "hey, what do you want to do?" or "what do you like to do" and I receive this frustrating "lol, I dunno" as she just stares at me.
I like when we both can reach a consensus about what to do, where to go, you know... But that's just me.
And it's really great having Rhenae and Guy Mannly giving advice here. Makes this look less of a sausage fest and more of a different perspective other than men's.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37074705]Actually i've asked out all the guys i've dated.
Yup, I should be lesbian.[/QUOTE]
i've been the one to initiate things with almost every guy i've been involved with. i've just never considered asking someone out a big deal at all - usually people don't take offense if someone they aren't romantically interested in asks them out.
props to you for taking initiative!
Just a quick question, out of curiosity. Do you have a preferred side to sit on next to your boyfriend or girlfriend? In a car, I prefer to have her to my left, but anywhere else I prefer having her on my right.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37074705] That isn't quite what I mean by that, I mean pose it as a question, would you like to call it a date then. Again, this is from my own experience. Besides i'm suggesting doing this after waiting, after having been on multiple one on one outings before then. Once its fairly obvious they like eachother.
Not first time out.[/QUOTE]
i think intentions should be made clear first. it'd be awkward to say something like that and find out the person wasn't actually interested in you in that way, and you had both been interpreting your outings together in completely different ways.
[editline]3rd August 2012[/editline]
oops automerge
[editline]3rd August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074896]Just a quick question, out of curiosity. Do you have a preferred side to sit on next to your boyfriend or girlfriend? In a car, I prefer to have her to my left, but anywhere else I prefer having her on my right.[/QUOTE]
uh i like to have my bf to the left of me in cars because i would rather he drive?
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074896]Just a quick question, out of curiosity. Do you have a preferred side to sit on next to your boyfriend or girlfriend? In a car, I prefer to have her to my left, but anywhere else I prefer having her on my right.[/QUOTE]
You know what is really weird? I just realized I even had a preference for that. It's the same as yours.
[quote]i think intentions should be made clear first. it'd be awkward to say something like that and find out the person wasn't actually interested in you in that way, and you had both been interpreting your outings together in completely different ways. [/quote]
Well yeah, i'd be sure first. That would be prettyyyy awkward.
[editline]3rd August 2012[/editline]
So just cause I feel like it i'm gonna share a story, Guy Mannly just reminded me of it.
A while ago my bf and I were discussion how our relationship started, essentially the impression we got from each other early on.
I mentioned how one thing that gave me the idea he liked me (more so than anything else cause I was digging for all validation possibly and dismissing it all as just in my head cause I was hopeful). He sent me a copy of Portal. I had a steam account without too much on it at the time (didn't have my own money, parents always complained about me being on the computer too much so I didn't get many games). I mentioned that that was a big thing to me, him giving me a game. Games cost money and he just handed one off to me at random.
Even though he had given it to me because he got it in a portal 2 = portal pack someone game him and he already had a copy of portal is was a big thing. He chose to give it to me rather than any of his other steam buddies I assumed he had.
He told me he just gave it to me at random because I didn't have the game and why not. Huge thing to me, nothing to him.
I enjoy remembering that. I also played Portal constantly after that till I beat it, mostly in classes he sat behind me in so he could watch, Intentionally showing off I was playing what he gave me XP
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37074922]uh i like to have my bf to the left of me in cars because i would rather he drive?[/QUOTE]
Well In cars I mean like if someone else is driving.
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074896]Just a quick question, out of curiosity. Do you have a preferred side to sit on next to your boyfriend or girlfriend? In a car, I prefer to have her to my left, but anywhere else I prefer having her on my right.[/QUOTE]
I drive. Mostly because she has totaled 3 cars.
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37075028]Well In cars I mean like if someone else is driving.[/QUOTE]
probably won't ever happen for us, so
haven't noticed a side preference other than that though.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37074948]So just cause I feel like it i'm gonna share a story, Guy Mannly just reminded me of it.[/QUOTE]
my story's pretty much the opposite, haha. my boyfriend used to drink a lot when he was down. when we first started talking, i was still with my ex (barely, we had huge problems and i was on the verge of ending things) and my current bf didn't want to complicate things so he never said shit when he was sober. when we first added each other on fb and he saw what i looked like for the first time, i ended up getting a series of drunk steam messages the next day about how hot i was. eventually we got into a conversation where i found out for the first time that he was really into literature and actually incredibly intelligent, and i ended up saying something silly along the lines of "i totally have a crush on you right now" and he didn't really say anything back. over the next few months his drunk messages gravitated from "why aren't there any girls who live nearby who are as cool as you", to "i wish you lived closer", to "i want to be with you in spite of the distance".
to this day, every time he's even touched an alcoholic beverage i've found out, because i always end up getting bombarded with texts about how much he misses me and would rather be talking to me than doing whatever he's currently doing.
Hah. Still remember my drunk text messages to one of my ex.
The feeling of "what the fuck did I just do!? I'm so stupid for texting her" and then the urge to send another text to try to remedy the earlier one just to find out I was just making it worse.
Good times.
Now I just trained myself to leave my cell phone at home when I go out after a breakup. I usually don't get shitfaced because of the breakup, it's just that my friends have the habit of celebrating each time I'm single and go get me all boozed up.
I'm like shit and my friends are celebrating for "ditching the bitch" and becoming available again like them.
I have the weirdest friends. At least they are nice enough to come cheer me up. Staying at home thinking about it would just make things worse I guess.
Funny thing was when I broke up with my ex, I didn't feel like shit. Didn't feel the need to text her, just moved on and never talked to her again.
Right now I've just been feeling rather comfortable with the fact of being single. It's nice but I'm starting to feel the need to get out there again and meet new people.
Luckily I still have 2 months of holiday to do that.
In my last breakup about a year ago I went absolutely overboard in the short term. I completely fucking broke down for a while which is a pretty tough break in general and got absolutely shitfaced every few days and that went on for a couple months. I had to drop a uni course so I wouldn't get a fail on my record and my grades suffered pretty severely. It got so bad I dropped out of uni and made the plan to move cities completely (which actually ended up being a fucking sweet idea, finally moving in a couple of months).
But in the long term I came out on top after I'd gotten over it about 4-5 months down the track, I started getting drunk calls from my ex's number, the relationship she got into after she left me only lasted a month or so, and all her friends stopped talking to her and I'm now quite good friends with all of them. She also blew all her money on booze etc and had to move back in with her parents. and I met a super sweet girl who I'm still with now.
guiltily feelsgoodman
anyway getting shitfaced is a pretty natural reaction and I love it
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074797]Compromise!
[T]http://i.imgur.com/QqiNT.png[/T]
:v:[/QUOTE]
there we go, it's what i had in my head when i said sit next to each other as opposed to opposite ends
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37075692]In my last breakup about a year ago I went absolutely overboard in the short term. I completely fucking broke down for a while which is a pretty tough break in general and got absolutely shitfaced every few days and that went on for a couple months. I had to drop a uni course so I wouldn't get a fail on my record and my grades suffered pretty severely. It got so bad I dropped out of uni and made the plan to move cities completely (which actually ended up being a fucking sweet idea, finally moving in a couple of months).
But in the long term I came out on top after I'd gotten over it about 4-5 months down the track, I started getting drunk calls from my ex's number, the relationship she got into after she left me only lasted a month or so, and all her friends stopped talking to her and I'm now quite good friends with all of them. She also blew all her money on booze etc and had to move back in with her parents. and I met a super sweet girl who I'm still with now.
guiltily feelsgoodman
anyway getting shitfaced is a pretty natural reaction and I love it[/QUOTE]
I had a particularly bad breakup in the past where I loved the girl so much, it just wasn't possible to let go. Now that I've gotten out of it and matured for the better, I know how important it is to never let a relationship affect me in a way that it interferes with the rest of my life. I never had problems with school during the breakup, if anything it helped I was putting my mind on something else.
Yo areolop, if you wanna see something amazing, I made a bet that I could eat 3 chipotle burritos. I think I'm doing it Monday. I'm pretty sure I can do it. I guess we'll have to see. Wish me luck.
[QUOTE=thisispain;37073673]
what exactly is the question??
if it's "how do i make her understand i want to be more than friends" it has to be in your body language. be more intimate and take the conversation there. most of communication is body language.[/QUOTE]
I see. Makes sense, although I guess there's a fine line between being too subtle and her not noticing (which is likely, she's fairly oblivious in that regard) and being too crass.
My question was basically asking for advice on approaching it. Rhenae made a lot of sense about being bolder though. Will see if I can try that.
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