The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Chaotic Lord;37074896]Just a quick question, out of curiosity. Do you have a preferred side to sit on next to your boyfriend or girlfriend? In a car, I prefer to have her to my left, but anywhere else I prefer having her on my right.[/QUOTE]
My current girlfriend is almost always to my left. We drive on the correct side of the road, so when I'm driving she's on my left. I'm right handed, she's left handed so if we're walking along it leaves our dominant hands free. She also sleeps on her left shoulder so it works for spooning too.
As for the table situation, opposite each other if you're alone, corner if possible or if not next to each other when with a group.
Hi. This post is a "Question for Advice" post so anyone who do not like these types of posts can swiftly move on.
Some info about me:
I am currently 17. My nationality is from South Korea. My upbringing was really rough. I was bullied throughout elementary due to my ugly look, especially my "monkey" ears and my eyes.
I was a sufferer of severe depression when I was around the ages of 13 to 15. This is because I had to undergo and was a victim of domestic abuse in my family household. My dad had enough of my family, cheated and decided to leave, soon my parents filing divorce, etc which made my life worse.
Because of me undergoing this situation, I was a social outcast in school alongside with my ugly physical features. I had to be absent from school for about 9 months due to my family circumstances and after I came back, I heard many hurting rumours formed in my absence.
I currently am suffering from mild depression. No one in real life knows of my family issues, my diagnosis to depression and my domestic abuse. I like to keep things quiet.
Socially, I've slightly improved. I've got around two friends in school.
For me, I'm currently slightly curious and I want to start a heterosexual relationship. However, in school, I deem any qualities to do so. Most girls believe these rumours of my absence. (I wish not to write any information because writing so may break confidentiality). Whenever new people come into school, girls or boys regardless, these rumours are told therefore I really can't open my social circle out and branch it.
From what I've read around here, a relationship needs good or decent looks at first. It's what appeals to the opposite sex in order to start a relationship. It also is great personality which makes the opposite sex. To be honest I really feel like I don't have a great personality alongside with my depression and insomnia I sometimes go through. Thirdly, coming from Korea, I don't really have a big one down there, somewhere less than 4 inches which may affect a relationship in my case. Also it is thin (the girth is well below average). (Although I doubt my relationship coming to a sexual stage)
I have given up trying in school since in my position it is impossible. I am going to university next year. However, I don't know what and how to meet and talk to girls. I've never really communicated, flirted, had interest (a crush) on girls. It's really scary for me especially when my parents say I have to be married to carry on my family name. Where do I start? How do I initiate?
I apologize to any female (and male) readers if I've conveyed women as objects.
um
This week on [i]Gory Details[/i]
[QUOTE=Rickerdale;37076988]Hi. This post is a "Question for Advice" post so anyone who do not like these types of posts can swiftly move on.
Some info about me:
I am currently 17. My nationality is from South Korea. My upbringing was really rough. I was bullied throughout elementary due to my ugly look, especially my "monkey" ears and my eyes.
I was a sufferer of severe depression when I was around the ages of 13 to 15. This is because I had to undergo and was a victim of domestic abuse in my family household. My dad had enough of my family, cheated and decided to leave, soon my parents filing divorce, etc which made my life worse.
Because of me undergoing this situation, I was a social outcast in school alongside with my ugly physical features. I had to be absent from school for about 9 months due to my family circumstances and after I came back, I heard many hurting rumours formed in my absence.
I currently am suffering from mild depression. No one in real life knows of my family issues, my diagnosis to depression and my domestic abuse. I like to keep things quiet.
Socially, I've slightly improved. I've got around two friends in school.
For me, I'm currently slightly curious and I want to start a heterosexual relationship. However, in school, I deem any qualities to do so. Most girls believe these rumours of my absence. (I wish not to write any information because writing so may break confidentiality). Whenever new people come into school, girls or boys regardless, these rumours are told therefore I really can't open my social circle out and branch it.
From what I've read around here, a relationship needs good or decent looks at first. It's what appeals to the opposite sex in order to start a relationship. It also is great personality which makes the opposite sex. To be honest I really feel like I don't have a great personality alongside with my depression and insomnia I sometimes go through. Thirdly, coming from Korea, I don't really have a big one down there, somewhere less than 4 inches which may affect a relationship in my case. Also it is thin (the girth is well below average). (Although I doubt my relationship coming to a sexual stage)
I have given up trying in school since in my position it is impossible. I am going to university next year. However, I don't know what and how to meet and talk to girls. I've never really communicated, flirted, had interest (a crush) on girls. It's really scary for me especially when my parents say I have to be married to carry on my family name. Where do I start? How do I initiate?
I apologize to any female (and male) readers if I've conveyed women as objects.[/QUOTE]
Make friends with girls. In my experience they are extremely good company, and you'll gain confidence quickly. It's easily possible to be friends with girls without there being any attraction. Stop worrying about your looks for now; if they find you good to hang around with, they will.
[B]Starting relationships of any sort requires [U]openings[/U][/B], the more organic the better. Thus approaching out of the blue may not be good unless one is really, really confident around girls (read: desperate or arrogant). If no openings exist, you may have to make one, but [B]I'd recommend looking for a good opening first[/B]. [B]Offer to help people[/B], [B]eavesdrop and offer input[/B] if there's something you can comment well on; the wittier, more succinct, and interesting the better. [B]Do your research[/B]; learn about interesting things, both esoteric and pertaining to current events. [B]Read good newspapers[/B], don't go for something boring like financial newspapers, but the ones aimed at people who think more are good. Over here we have the Guardian and the Economist, the former being more suited for popular consumption, but both are respectable and considered fairly intellectual.
There's no need to learn the ins-and-outs of popular culture. Most of that stuff is fairly fleeting and uninteresting. Cultivation of relationships means giving them an incentive (one of emotion, preferably) to talk to you, or at the very least removing incentive NOT to communicate with you.
Don't go in at the deep end and introduce yourself to large groups of people if you don't know any of them. You'll probably (unless you've developed a reputation of sorts) be left out and it won't look good. "Infiltration" (it's a good word but I don't mean it in the sneaky fashion) of a group involves making friends with individuals within that group then joining them whenever said group congregates.
I'm afraid this is probably a little fragmented, but I'm more than willing to clarify and if necessary re-write for the priority of getting you on your feet. If you want we could take it to private messages; might be quicker and less obtrusive.
[editline]4th August 2012[/editline]
Addendum: I will need to elaborate on some of those points and again prioritise what you need to do first rather than overloading you, so again, apologies.
[url]http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/[/url]
Best British news site.
[QUOTE=AltUser;37066595]So I've had this problem for months and I just can't kick it no matter what I do; I'm in love with my best friend.
So as assumed, I'm a male and of course, she's female. Oh, by the way, we're both eighteen.
Around five months ago there was a chance of us getting into a relationship together, it all happened one night while we were drunk and we kissed, etc.
But around a week later she decided we should stay friends, which destroyed me, I just couldn't get over it. and we didn't talk much.
So then a few weeks later we start talking again and we developed feelings for each other, we decided to give it a go, but yet again she felt like it wasn't right.
So that was it, I couldn't take it any more, I didn't talk to her for two months, despite it killing me and making me feel like shit all the time.
Eventually around two weeks ago you guessed it, we started talking again. This time, making sure that we were friends from the start and nothing more. But here's the thing, when we go out together, such as the other night we went camping, just the two of us. We cuddled all night and held hands and other stuff like that. And yes, we're still friends at this point, is this weird or what? Because I'm pretty damn sure that friends don't do stuff like this.
Anyway, although I keep telling myself we're just friends I cannot help feeling strongly about her, I hate to say it, but I honestly think I'm in love, it's crazy, right? But we talk constantly, and when we don't, all I do is think about her. She's the first thing I think about before going to bed and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
I don't want to stop being friends with her, but I just don't know what to do. If you read all this then thank you.[/QUOTE]
I cuddle and hold hands with my good chick friends often
[QUOTE=Rickerdale;37076988]snip[/QUOTE]
Some points
- I have big ears. MaverickIB had big ears. It doesn't matter, and bullying is bullying. It's really not as bad as you make it out to be and a girl's not going to turn you down because your ears are big.
- I can't say anything about your abuse or depression, because I don't have experience with that.
- You're using rumors as an excuse to not socialize. You say that you "can't open [your] social circle and branch it" but my bet is that you haven't tried because of how certain you are that it won't work. Determine your interests, find people with them, join clubs, talk to someone new. It takes effort. Even if there are rumors (of what, we don't know??) they really won't stop people from talking to you if you talk to them.
- A relationship doesn't [I]need[/I] good looks, but it helps a ton. I mean, no girl's going to go out with a kid absolutely covered in acne with snot dripping out his nose onto his pubic moustache and brown teeth that are misaligned. However, I doubt it's that bad for you, and if it is, I pray for you. What really matters is confidence in yourself, which by your post, you don't have much of. Wash your face, brush your teeth, buy nice clothes, use conditioner, keep improving yourself and [I]talk to people more[/I] and confidence will come.
- You have a personality, most humans do; join whatever clubs you can that are even remotely interesting to you. Cultivate interests, get a hobby. I was actually the computer kid of my high school for the entire time I was there, and about six months into university, I started DJing because some people at a party liked the music on my ipod; I fell in love with it. Now I can say I'm a DJing astrophysics major who likes to code for computer games and party on fridays - Not only is this a unique situation, but it's certainly defining my personality.
- Girls don't go out with guys based on their dong size. That's not how it works. If the girl's seeing your penis then I don't think she really cares at that point how big it is.
You've given up trying in school which is why your social circle sucks. You have to break the cycle and actually try doing it yourself. Once you make a couple more friends, more will come through friends of friends. You're exaggerating how bad these 'rumors' (??) are, and feeling sorry for yourself, which gets you nowhere.
yeah, what he said about looks is especially true
in grade 9 i saw this dude with a unibrow woo over one of the prettiest girls in the school just by keeping his cool and acting like he knew what he was doing
[editline]4th August 2012[/editline]
it was a very thick unibrow by the way
[QUOTE=Mon;37084818]yeah, what he said about looks is especially true
in grade 9 i saw this dude with a unibrow woo over one of the prettiest girls in the school just by keeping his cool and acting like he knew what he was doing
[editline]4th August 2012[/editline]
it was a very thick unibrow by the way[/QUOTE]
If you dont know what your doing, "Fake it till you make it".
i've been faking it till i've made it for the past 18 years
Dying to post that song now but I doubt anyone likes noise punk
i love noise punk, but isn't most of punk noise?
I have it on good authority that noises are often made by punks.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37086854]I have it on good authority that noises are often made by punks.[/QUOTE]
Punk, stop making noise.
Get off my stoop, old man.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/hcsg3.gif[/img]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5LV_uSEJbc[/media]
There you go!
Dfa1979 is amazing, saw them live!
No way, since they started playing again?
I'm fucking aching for new material man you have no idea
ya i saw them at coachella
I was friendzoned. :/
and as long as that's your mindset that is where you will stay.
[QUOTE=Autumn;37107511]and as long as that's your mindset that is where you will stay.[/QUOTE]
Woops, thought I was back in the old MaverickIB social advice thread.
i'm pretty sure that's what he would have said too...
[QUOTE=Autumn;37109751]i'm pretty sure that's what he would have said too...[/QUOTE]
...Precisely.
Anyway what the hell am I going to do, force her into a corner and make her come to a decision that suits me? I can't force these things; if she doesn't want me, that's her choice. I don't see where this whole "mindset" business comes in.
no, that sounds a bit rapey.
so she's told you she just wants to be friends? that's fine. she might not always feel this way, but if you just say "i've been friendzoned so what's the point in ever trying to be anything more ever again" you're just going to sulk and blame it all on "being in the friend zone", so don't feel so sorry for yourself and don't that this is how it's always going to be.
[QUOTE=Autumn;37110075]no, that sounds a bit rapey.
so she's told you she just wants to be friends? that's fine. she might not always feel this way, but if you just say "i've been friendzoned so what's the point in ever trying to be anything more ever again" you're just going to sulk and blame it all on "being in the friend zone", so don't feel so sorry for yourself and don't that this is how it's always going to be.[/QUOTE]
Except I didn't so why are you assuming I am going to "always blame it all on the being in the friend zone"
[editline]6th August 2012[/editline]
I detest it when people assume when one says that they have been friendzoned that it's automatically their fault, that they didn't cultivate an attraction or played "nice-guy" wrongly or suchlike.
well, okay then. were you actually expecting any advice or did you just need to say that and get it out of your system?
[editline]6th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37110149]I detest it when people assume when one says that they have been friendzoned that it's automatically their fault, that they didn't cultivate an attraction or played "nice-guy" wrongly or suchlike.[/QUOTE]
when did i say it was your fault that you got friend zoned? jeeze, you're getting a bit defensive here.
[editline]6th August 2012[/editline]
and i'm saying it's your fault if you sit and wallow in the self pity that tends to come with being "friendzoned", not anything that you appear to have just accused me of.
In a way it was a status update of sorts, yes. Wasn't looking specifically for advice but it would have been appreciated.
By saying [quote] but if you just say "i've been friendzoned so what's the point in ever trying to be anything more ever again" you're just going to sulk and blame it all on "being in the friend zone", so don't feel so sorry for yourself and don't that this is how it's always going to be. [/quote] you're assuming there's a high chance of this occuring, no? Otherwise I doubt you would have used such a tone.
It's like saying in the middle of a conversation about relationships, "if you rape someone, it's a bad thing". Of course it is, there was never any dispute about that, but that fact that someone brought it up implies it was somehow relevant or thought to be likely to happen.
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