• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
Nice one, Rusty.
I got a date with a mexican girl and I met her in a library. Books are fucking awesome.
How do you tell if women are shy, aloof or just not interested in you specifically? Nice girl in my physics class, she was my lab partner yesterday. She's pretty quiet but it might be because she's from Serbia and isn't confident in her English ability? All I managed to get out of her yesterday was she's from Serbia and she's doing a maths degree.
[QUOTE=SBD;37134402]How do you tell if women are shy, aloof or just not interested in you specifically? Nice girl in my physics class, she was my lab partner yesterday. She's pretty quiet but it might be because she's from Serbia and isn't confident in her English ability? All I managed to get out of her yesterday was she's from Serbia and she's doing a maths degree.[/QUOTE] You ask them out, either they say yes or no.
[QUOTE=SBD;37134402]How do you tell if women are shy, aloof or just not interested in you specifically? Nice girl in my physics class, she was my lab partner yesterday. She's pretty quiet but it might be because she's from Serbia and isn't confident in her English ability? All I managed to get out of her yesterday was she's from Serbia and she's doing a maths degree.[/QUOTE] Why do you care, really? If it's because you're interested in her, then as said above, ask her out.
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37126200]Yes, I am. It's cheaper - no renting or suchlike - and I live very near it. It's a good university for physics too (although I'm under the impression that the subject is more popular with guys than girls).[/QUOTE] Coincidentally, this is exactly how it is for me. The easiest way for you to meet new people is in school. Assuming you don't take only physics courses, there'll be plenty of girls around, and meeting someone is as easy as sitting next to them. My first-year physics class was an advanced class, just because I had to take it for my major, and there were a couple girls, they just weren't attractive in the least. I don't mean that from a subjective point of view, I mean they weren't attractive, period.
[QUOTE=Disseminate;37136762]Coincidentally, this is exactly how it is for me. The easiest way for you to meet new people is in school. Assuming you don't take only physics courses, there'll be plenty of girls around, and meeting someone is as easy as sitting next to them. My first-year physics class was an advanced class, just because I had to take it for my major, and there were a couple girls, they just weren't attractive in the least. I don't mean that from a subjective point of view, I mean they weren't attractive, period.[/QUOTE] Hmmm, well, guess it's time to join the gaming society at Queen's, I'll be swimming in pussy then
[QUOTE=Seith;37134594]Why do you care, really? If it's because you're interested in her, then as said above, ask her out.[/QUOTE] Why wouldn't he care, actually? Why is everything for you a matter of "Having the balls" and playing like the alpha male when you're not? Tell me how asking someone out, who's obviously shy and still insecure, out of the blue is going to make it less weirder? You can court someone in work too. [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=SBD;37134402]How do you tell if women are shy, aloof or just not interested in you specifically? Nice girl in my physics class, she was my lab partner yesterday. She's pretty quiet but it might be because she's from Serbia and isn't confident in her English ability? All I managed to get out of her yesterday was she's from Serbia and she's doing a maths degree.[/QUOTE] She's most probably shy and doesn't dominate the language yet. She's getting used to her new enviorment, hence she needs to gain confidence over time. Having friends help. (yes, and that could be you). Although I think it's a little premature to ask her out yet (as if asking another person out out of the blue would do any good...), you should keep trying to chat and talk to her during class. You know, "going out" doesn't necessarily mean going on a date per se, like lunches, dinners, parties, coffee in a nice coffee shop. At least not yet. You can build up a base for a relationship with what you already have. Right now you have classes, and sooner or latter you two will need to start talking to eachother. Well, there's your excuse to start getting to know her better. You already know she's from Serbia and she's doing a math degree. Pretty nice topics of conversation to go from there, right? Let her get used to you, establish a friendly mood between you two, even a small friendship. If you're still interested, asking her out for coffee wouldn't be a bad idea at all. That's what I'd do.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;37152296]Why wouldn't he care, actually? Why is everything for you a matter of "Having the balls"? Tell me how asking someone out, who's obviously shy and still insecure, out of the blue is going to make it less weirder? You can court someone in work too. [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] She's most probably shy and doesn't dominate the language yet. She's getting used to her new enviorment, hence she needs to gain confidence over time. Having friends help. (yes, and that could be you). Although I think it's a little premature to ask her out yet (as if asking another person out out of the blue would do any good...), you should keep trying to chat and talk to her during class. You know, "going out" doesn't necessarily mean going on a date per se, like lunches, dinners, parties, coffee in a nice coffee shop. At least not yet. You can build up a base for a relationship with what you already have. Right now you have classes, and sooner or latter you two will need to start talking to eachother. Well, there's your excuse to start getting to know her better. You already know she's from Serbia and she's doing a math degree. Pretty nice topics of conversation to go from there, right? Let her get used to you, establish a friendly mood between you two, even a small friendship. If you're still interested, asking her out for coffee wouldn't be a bad idea at all. That's what I'd do.[/QUOTE] Because everything is a matter of having balls. I can't do the work for him. Either you get up and face your fears or the blame the world. Not anyone can do it.... I suppose. Also, I asked why does it matter to him to understand where is he coming from; dwelling in whether she likes him or not (which is irrelevant and unimportant) or because he wants to ask her out.
I need to find two roommates so dang badly! I only have three months until I have to start footing rent again (prepaid this years'), and if I don't have two people on stand-by to help out, I won't be able to do it. I've tried Craigslist ads, I've spoken to everybody I know, I have ads up in Coffeeshops and at the college, and I'm running out of ideas! How did you find roommates?
Kidnap them.
[QUOTE=Seith;37152885]Because everything is a matter of having balls. I can't do the work for him. Either you get up and face your fears or the blame the world. Not anyone can do it.... I suppose. Also, I asked why does it matter to him to understand where is he coming from; dwelling in whether she likes him or not (which is irrelevant and unimportant) or because he wants to ask her out.[/QUOTE] That isn't exactly what he asked. He was asking how to tell her personality. They just met. If any guy had the balls to just ask me out after we had only shared a few words he would get a dead no right then and there. With a particularly shy person that blows your chances of ever getting to date them. Completely.
Nobody said "asking out" is do it now disregard situation completely, balls to the wall, head against the wall.
[QUOTE=Seith;37152885]Because everything is a matter of having balls. I can't do the work for him. Either you get up and face your fears or the blame the world. Not anyone can do it.... I suppose. Also, I asked why does it matter to him to understand where is he coming from; dwelling in whether she likes him or not (which is irrelevant and unimportant) or because he wants to ask her out.[/QUOTE] No it isn't. Thinking with balls only will het you nowhere. You have to use your brain for once. And I mean a human brain, Seith. You got it all wrong, he's not desperate for the girl, he just asked a very pertinent question: "how to know if a girl is shy or uninterested" and that he actually felt an attraction. Nothing more. Like Rhenae just said in the post above, doing so would just get him a big no, being as shy as the girl is. I'm not saying they shouldn't go out at some point. The thing is just not yet. You can't court someone without thinking things through, and by this I mean, thinking about how the other person would react. At this point you shouldn't need to have a plan, about courting. It should be spontaneous. And there's the "magic".
I never quite understood all this "JUST ASK HER OUT" bullshit. No-one heard of cultivating attraction? You'd have to be bloody brash, not to mention having a thick skin, to pull that off often.
The matter in hand then is his attraction to her and we ought to supply him the tools to identify whether she is uninterested or just shy. NO. Screw that shit, it doesn't matter especially as nobody on earth can know what's going on in her head. As a matter of a fact, his question is diminishing his ability to make a move. I'm all for thinking, but most people, the more they think about it the less they do. Her current mental status is irrelevant and there's not thinking through besides a good moment to talk to her and a bad moment (sitting alone versus a group for example) [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=JgcxCub;37155031]I never quite understood all this "JUST ASK HER OUT" bullshit. No-one heard of cultivating attraction? You'd have to be bloody brash, not to mention having a thick skin, to pull that off often.[/QUOTE] Brilliant idea. Cultivating attracting that is. I only chose to follow the stupid "ask her out" thing because this is the most raw form of "attraction" people are willing to try without coming back here and blaming you for giving "shit advice" and trying is something 7 out of 10 people are barely able to perform, so all in all, that advice is productive for the early stages of personal development. Simple and effective.
asking her house is generally pretty good advice, but I still dont like the mentality that this thread gets where they think its the ONLY advice that applies to ANY situation which isnt true [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] how did i get house from out
As for how to tell if a girl is shy or uninterested, as he asked: Talk to her a bit. If she will hold up a conversation with you, then she is probably just shy. If a girl is uninterested you probably wont get much of an answer to any of your questions like "what was it like where you lived" but if she is just shy she might give you a bit of explanation. Still she may not want to date you, but she isn't completely uninterested in knowing you that way. Guys do seem to act a bit like girls ether want to date you or not know you at all sometimes, there is an in-between called friends. If she is new she wont want to jump right into a relationship. Friends first, then work on the "establishing you can be more than friends". Don't go straight to the avoiding friend zone stuff. Wont work well with someone shy.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37155655]asking her house is generally pretty good advice, but I still dont like the mentality that this thread gets where they think its the ONLY advice that applies to ANY situation which isnt true [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] how did i get house from out[/QUOTE] I also don't understand why people get confused over this as well. Obviously asking her out is pretty important, especially if she isn't forward enough to do it to you. However, what's rarely mentioned is the [I]preparation[/I] necessary; as I've said quite a few times before, the [I]cultivation[/I] bit. You want to give her an emotional incentive to go out with you!
-snip- wrong thread lol
obviously you cultivate attraction first, but there's a difference between cultivating attraction and spending six months showing her what a great friend you are. all it takes is one conversation; if you're confident and nice to talk to, that's just about all you need. [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] preparation? uh, no, not really necessary. if you meet somebody out in public and have a good conversation, hit things off a little, you're going to get their number and take them out after just that short interaction. you can do almost exactly the same thing with some girl you're crushing on in high school if you haven't messed it up already.
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;37157536]obviously you cultivate attraction first, but there's a difference between cultivating attraction and spending six months showing her what a great friend you are. all it takes is one conversation; if you're confident and nice to talk to, that's just about all you need. [editline]9th August 2012[/editline] preparation? uh, no, not really necessary. if you meet somebody out in public and have a good conversation, hit things off a little, you're going to get their number and take them out after just that short interaction. you can do almost exactly the same thing with some girl you're crushing on in high school if you haven't messed it up already.[/QUOTE] As a girl I object to this statement wholeheartedly. You'll need more than one conversation to be considered a reasonable long-term partner. In particular with a shyer girl new to the area, take at least a month to cultivate before you go jumping into it. Besides you just met her as well, you very well may not like her after getting to know her.
let's not get mixed up with asking her out as in, asking her into a relationship and asking her out (as the majority of people in this thread mean) to the cinema/for a meal i don't think most girls need a month of conversing just to be asked out on a date, which is (i assume) what they were suggesting.
Make some small talk, get to know the essentials. Then ask if she wants to hang out with you and friends or just you, get coffee or something. It isn't a date yet, just a friendly outing. Then after you are comfortable and she is receptive just ask her out legitimately, using the term date to make it clear what you mean.
I think a lot of people here are getting ahead of themselves. First we see guys who can't get as hold on their dicks and start hitting the "ASK HER OUT!" button, then there's this generalized idea that's a great idea for every situation. And then, some people here start developing strong feelings for people they barely got to know, and thus, because of their insecurities some feel girls and partnerships/relationships are black and white. Its really amazing how some people think that relationships are all about being weird and shy around girls and then out of the blue asking someone out, hopping that one girl will say yes. That's the stupidest thing ever. Of course you have to establish a friendship, a connection, regardless of that ridiculous fear of the "friend zone". Nobody in his right mind asks someone for coffee if he's not sure he wants that person in the first place. Also girls are not black and white. Just because they're shy or reject you at some point, doesn't mean its a permanent rejection and you have to move on with your life. Most girls want to bond with guys and establish a relationship. They want to be courted not parachuted with "hey babe, wanna go out" or the shy version "err... wanna go out..." That's something you do at the club when you're drunk and you happen to find an equally drunk girl.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;37158316]Nobody in his right mind asks someone for coffee if he's not sure he wants that person in the first place.[/QUOTE] i agree with everything you said bar this. why shouldn't you ask someone out for coffee, even if you're not sure if you're that interested? it's just coffee, or tea, or whatever. it's just a simple, low pressure opportunity for you to socialise with that person one on one, and discover whether you're likely to see anything more in them. you learn a heck of a lot more about a person in an hour face to face than you'd probably learn in a week of texting/facebook messaging. asking someone out for a coffee isn't halfway to proposing to them, and it's only when people make out like it's a big deal that it could become awkward.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37158097]As a girl I object to this statement wholeheartedly. You'll need more than one conversation to be considered a reasonable long-term partner. In particular with a shyer girl new to the area, take at least a month to cultivate before you go jumping into it. Besides you just met her as well, you very well may not like her after getting to know her.[/QUOTE] wow autumn's completely correct. asking someone out doesn't mean "will you be my girlfriend/fucking marry me" it's just taking someone out on a date of some sort. the whole point, in fact, is to get to know them. obviously you're not going to have one conversation with someone you just met on the street and ask if they're ready to be your girlfriend. welcome to love advice, try reading the op next time
if i was on a night out and hit it off with a guy, i wouldn't think he was being too forward if he asked me for a coffee sometime later that week. that's how things start (or at least, it's how things can start. i appreciate that situation isn't available to everyone, especially americans) of course i wouldn't think any less if he just asked for my number, we texted for a week or so and then he asked me out, but i don't think you should consider it a too ballsy move for anyone.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;37158316]Nobody in his right mind asks someone for coffee if he's not sure he wants that person in the first place.[/QUOTE] last time i checked going to get coffee with someone didn't mean you were eternally soulbound to that person and you better only do it if you're in ~love~ or else it's just a nice way to get to know someone and (possibly) develop a relationship, provided you're both still interested afterwards. that's just called a date. damn, i figured people knew how at least the really basic stuff worked by now
I believe it may be best we stopped using semi-ambiguous phrases. I did misunderstand that statement. On the other hand, at least in his situation I think talking it out for a week or two before asking her to a coffee shop mono a mono might be a good idea. It's a situation where that is an option (rather than a random meeting which requires quicker work)
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