The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
uh, it's not really ambiguous, it's just how it's said
though it's fair that you misunderstood it - i don't know if you're british or not, but here when someone "asks someone out" it generally means "hey do you want to be my girl/boyfriend"
[QUOTE=Autumn;37158600]uh, it's not really ambiguous, it's just how it's said
though it's fair that you misunderstood it - i don't know if you're british or not, but here when someone "asks someone out" it generally means "hey do you want to be my girl/boyfriend"[/QUOTE]
I'm canadian, but raised by a couple of brits. My understanding of phrases and word usage is all over the place. :v:
edit:
My boyfriend keeps getting annoyed with me calling both Potato chips and fries chips.
it's not really ambiguous to most people who aren't still in middle school. context clues should probably tell you that when we're talking about just asking people out if you're crushing on them, it's likely on a date, not to declare themselves your boy/girlfriend.
and usually it's suggested to ask someone out right away because it's usually all that's really necessary. especially with many of the people that come to these threads, it helps them get over their fear of talking to the people they like and show them it isn't difficult. telling them to talk to them in a non-romantic way for a while first can make someone think that they've been doing the right thing all along when they try to be somebody's best friend before they start trying to move things in a romantic direction
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;37158663]it's not really ambiguous to most people who aren't still in middle school. context clues should probably tell you that when we're talking about just asking people out if you're crushing on them, it's likely on a date, not to declare themselves your boy/girlfriend. [/quote]
It wouldnt have been the first time I had seen suggested jumping to asking them out as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, worryingly enough. (I don't believe that was in this thread though)
ok since i just watched a ton of curb your enthusiasm, ill use it as an example
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsQ9Je5Lblk[/media]
he had JUST met this doctor, and gotten her number.
he just decides to ask her out, pretty much out of the blue
(yes the scene is a comedic scene) but it still works! this works in so many different situations its unbelievable.
think about it, how would ANYONE meet ANYONE from outside of their school or work otherwise? would you HAVE to have a mutual friend who kept inviting you two out until you got to know each other better? No, you'd just ask her out directly, and [i]that's[/i] how you get to know her.
[editline]10th August 2012[/editline]
still, this thread goes a little overboard with the "ask her out" advice, it's not [i]always[/i] applicable
That's one of my favourite series actually. (I just don't recall the name of the series in English since they translated the title in my country).
However that only works if you leave a nice good impression the first time you meet the person you want to date.
I'm not saying that may not work. Yes, it works in that scenario and in many others. But what we're talking about in this case is someone who is shy. I remember seing that episode and if I recall correctly Larry did have the chance to get to meet and talk to the Doctor in person prior to the date.
That is an acceptable situation, and yes, it works in many scenarios. However it doesn't work in the scenario being discussed for the reasons already given.
Another thing I wish to correct because I think I wasn't able to express myself clear last time I spoke about the "go outs for coffee":
[editline]10th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Autumn;37158468]i agree with everything you said bar this. why shouldn't you ask someone out for coffee, even if you're not sure if you're that interested? it's just coffee, or tea, or whatever. it's just a simple, low pressure opportunity for you to socialise with that person one on one, and discover whether you're likely to see anything more in them.
you learn a heck of a lot more about a person in an hour face to face than you'd probably learn in a week of texting/facebook messaging. asking someone out for a coffee isn't halfway to proposing to them, and it's only when people make out like it's a big deal that it could become awkward. [/QUOTE]
Yes, you are right. I just didn't express myself the way I desired earlier. I was wrong in that sentence and I wish to clarify what I wanted to mean:
Yes, grabbing a coffee IS something casual and an excelent way to get to know someone better with no compromise. But you wouldn't do it, as casual as it may be, if you weren't a little interested and curious about the other person in the first place, right? I don't mean you have to be 100% sure you want her, no, its just that you may want to go a little easier and establish a friendly mood between the two of you before that. And by this I don't mean waiting for the right opportunity to do so.
I mean, imagine this scenario based on the above's:
You meet the girl, she's your work partner, she's shy. At that point you only asked her a couple of questions during class and you only know two things about her: She's serbian and she's studying maths. That and being shy, I don't think it would be a good idea to ask her for coffee just yet. First you should get some of that shyness out of the way.
In my opinion, I'd see her again next class and then started to talk to her during class. The casual way. And then, If I get to see she's getting interested in talking and there's a friendly mood in the air, I'd then say "hey I'm going to grab some coffee after class, wanna come?"
Forget that last phrase of mine. I wasn't thinking clearly when I wrote that.
[editline]10th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37158550]I believe it may be best we stopped using semi-ambiguous phrases. I did misunderstand that statement.
On the other hand, at least in his situation I think talking it out for a week or two before asking her to a coffee shop mono a mono might be a good idea. It's a situation where that is an option (rather than a random meeting which requires quicker work)[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't wait that long, but I agree if that was the scenario.
I'm seeing things the way I see them in my uni. We have [I]cafés[/I] and cafeterias all over the campus and inside the departments. Some places are really cozy and all. And most students go there for studying, snacks, breakfast, coffee, talk, play cards, etc etc...
If it was in my case I would definitely not set a calendar for when to make the next move. I'd see for myself and keep talking until there's this friendly mood between the two of us.
Then instead of "hey, wanna go for a coffee shop after class", I'd say "Hey, I'm going to grab some coffee, wanna come?" exactly the same thing but people perceive these two phrases differently. While the first implicitly tells you're asking for her company, thing that can be interpreted as: you wouldn't grab coffee unless she comes, kinda like a subtle begging, the other way of saying it demonstrates confidence:
You're going to get coffee one way or the other, you're going to be there, you know what you want, and you do it regardless. This is a more subtle way to put it , yet, although it means inviting someone to coffee, it doesn't mean purposely "asking" someone to come with you. It doesn't have that implicit begging. Instead it kinda gives the impression you're someone worth following.
I don't know if I'm making myself clear since I'm giving a very simple, vague and generalistic example, but I think it's pretty much it.
It's not about doing think nor doing them, most times its about the way you do it. YOUR own way it's what matters in the end. And hey, some people like, some people don't. That's life alright.
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37155031]I never quite understood all this "JUST ASK HER OUT" bullshit.[/QUOTE]
are we including me in this?
i thought just ask her out was applicable with the other dude because he was just worried about his friend
[editline]9th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37159603]ok since i just watched a ton of curb your enthusiasm, ill use it as an example
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsQ9Je5Lblk[/media]
[/QUOTE]
this scene is beautiful
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;37159795]
I wouldn't wait that long, but I agree if that was the scenario.
I'm seeing things the way I see them in my uni. We have [I]cafés[/I] and cafeterias all over the campus and inside the departments. Some places are really cozy and all. And most students go there for studying, snacks, breakfast, coffee, talk, play cards, etc etc...
If it was in my case I would definitely not set a calendar for when to make the next move. I'd see for myself and keep talking until there's this friendly mood between the two of us.
Then instead of "hey, wanna go for a coffee shop after class", I'd say "Hey, I'm going to grab some coffee, wanna come?" exactly the same thing but people perceive these two phrases differently. While the first implicitly tells you're asking for her company, thing that can be interpreted as: you wouldn't grab coffee unless she comes, kinda like a subtle begging, the other way of saying it demonstrates confidence:
You're going to get coffee one way or the other, you're going to be there, you know what you want, and you do it regardless. This is a more subtle way to put it , yet, although it means inviting someone to coffee, it doesn't mean purposely "asking" someone to come with you. It doesn't have that implicit begging. Instead it kinda gives the impression you're someone worth following.
I don't know if I'm making myself clear since I'm giving a very simple, vague and generalistic example, but I think it's pretty much it.
It's not about doing think nor doing them, most times its about the way you do it. YOUR own way it's what matters in the end. And hey, some people like, some people don't. That's life alright.[/QUOTE]
Your making sense to me the way your explaining. The second is also better in that she wont feel pressured to go, so it's up to her. This can be better sometimes with someone shy. Being directly asked or pressured can put someone of. She might initially say no the first day, if she does ask again the second day and the third. You don't have to get her the first day.
I was thinking more of my area where coffee shops arn't that close so it's more of a committed get together. If you can just wander over there after class then go for it! Much better.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37159603]ok since i just watched a ton of curb your enthusiasm, ill use it as an example
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsQ9Je5Lblk[/media]
he had JUST met this doctor, and gotten her number.
he just decides to ask her out, pretty much out of the blue
(yes the scene is a comedic scene) but it still works! this works in so many different situations its unbelievable.
think about it, how would ANYONE meet ANYONE from outside of their school or work otherwise? would you HAVE to have a mutual friend who kept inviting you two out until you got to know each other better? No, you'd just ask her out directly, and [i]that's[/i] how you get to know her.
[editline]10th August 2012[/editline]
still, this thread goes a little overboard with the "ask her out" advice, it's not [i]always[/i] applicable[/QUOTE]
I used the line "I'm not a cool guy or anything" once to ask a girl out, this show is incredibly good somehow to show how to ask a girl out.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQb1ZEYmZHc[/media]
Also, Ted Danson is such a dick jesus.
[QUOTE=Autumn;37158600]uh, it's not really ambiguous, it's just how it's said
though it's fair that you misunderstood it - i don't know if you're british or not, [B]but here when someone "asks someone out" it generally means "hey do you want to be my girl/boyfriend"[/B][/QUOTE]
Yes, this is basically the default. As in, you'd have to specifically qualify "as friends!" in order for anyone to consider it not-(quite?)-a-date.
[double post, wut]
okay, we've been through this
maybe where you're from asking someone out means "do you want to be my girl/boyfriend" but in [B]this thread[/B], unless otherwise stated, it means asking someone out for coffee etc.
okay, i know this isn't the usual brand of advice you guys get asked for, but what kind of awesome shit should i do on december 21 2012?
[QUOTE=Mon;37165008]okay, i know this isn't the usual brand of advice you guys get asked for, but what kind of awesome shit should i do on december 21 2012?[/QUOTE]
Christmas Shopping. Also I hope by then you learn how to ask for useful advice.
[QUOTE=Mon;37165008]okay, i know this isn't the usual brand of advice you guys get asked for, but what kind of awesome shit should i do on december 21 2012?[/QUOTE]
Dress up as a Mayan and stand on a soapbox, preaching.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;37165031]Christmas Shopping. Also I hope by then you learn how to ask for useful advice.[/QUOTE]
well sorry for not facing any relationship crises at the moment
[QUOTE=Mon;37165008]okay, i know this isn't the usual brand of advice you guys get asked for, but what kind of awesome shit should i do on december 21 2012?[/QUOTE]
Do something you've always wanted but feared to
[QUOTE=Mon;37165057]well sorry for not facing any relationship crises at the moment[/QUOTE]
Ok, I'm sorry. You should cover yourself in vaseline or peanut butter and run around the mall naked until you get the security guards atention. By then hilarity will ensue.
Let them run after you and watch you slip through their grasp once they try to grab your oily and slippery skin whilst being all sullied on peanut butter.
Don't forget to film and post it here, though.
[QUOTE=Mon;37165008]okay, i know this isn't the usual brand of advice you guys get asked for, but what kind of awesome shit should i do on december 21 2012?[/QUOTE]
just ask her out
Some guy posted this on my wall while I wasn't home. Its quite touching having people defend me, and its the post itself was interesting.
[url]http://imgur.com/DazEm[/url]
[QUOTE=vizard38;37166590]Some guy posted this on my wall while I wasn't home. Its quite touching having people defend me, and its the post itself was interesting.
[url]http://imgur.com/DazEm[/url][/QUOTE]
I want to see the comment section to this
It's interesting to see how over the past few months, I haven't been interested in really anybody, but the second week before I go off to school, I find someone that I would love to go on a date with. Oh well, waiting till next summer it is!
[QUOTE=vizard38;37166590]Some guy posted this on my wall while I wasn't home. Its quite touching having people defend me, and its the post itself was interesting.
[url]http://imgur.com/DazEm[/url][/QUOTE]
Wait what defending how
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37167526]Wait what defending how[/QUOTE]
Told the guy that posted it that he was being rude and stuff like that. Also, he deleted the post so I can't view the comments anymore. What he said was total jack shit as well, might I add.
[QUOTE=vizard38;37166590]Some guy posted this on my wall while I wasn't home. Its quite touching having people defend me, and its the post itself was interesting.
[url]http://imgur.com/DazEm[/url][/QUOTE]
Well isn't that guy a dickhead. Remove him and move on, you don't need that shit, especially not on Facebook!
People are so damn silly. I hate Facebook.
[editline]10th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=vizard38;37167739]Also, he deleted the post so I can't view the comments anymore.[/QUOTE]
Then he probably ended up regretting it. He likely got shut down by some people and felt like a turd so removed it.
I posted an update status, and here's what I've got. I'm sorry there isn't a lot of drama, but I wasn't really looking for any and this came out of the blue.
[url]http://imgur.com/FfimD[/url]
if you have a phone and a twitter you don't need a facebook
#suckitzuck
I wouldnt call him a dickhead.
Facebook isn't the place to do it, but being honest enough to tell someone they irritate the fuck out of you is fairly admirable as a standalone trait, but it does have some provisos, and you shouldnt even remotely pretend to be their friend in the first place.
facebook drama is dumb
[QUOTE=vizard38;37167843]I posted an update status, and here's what I've got. I'm sorry there isn't a lot of drama, but I wasn't really looking for any and this came out of the blue.
[URL]http://imgur.com/FfimD[/URL][/QUOTE]
It was really unecessary from him. He could have just deleted you without further justification. He didn't need to do it and it was mean.
However, if you're the type of person who constanltly posts whiny crap on facebook, talking about "how shitty I feel" and "how people are bad to me" and stuff like that, that IS how most people will feel about you.
Getting laid tommorow. With my girlfriend.
[editline]11th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Super_Poo;37168953]Getting laid tommorow. With my girlfriend.[/QUOTE]
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