The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=G3rman;37194026]Best way to build up your skill in RL conversation is RL conversation, not text on the internet. You can act like anyone on the internet, but you can't hide behind a monitor in real life.
Just talk to friends or family and then step it up to people you don't normally talk to. It's just something you have to experience first hand.[/QUOTE]
I agree with you but he's at the point where he's too afraid to have RL conversations.
When you're at the point where you can have RL conversations, then yes, having more of them is how you build skill (try with randoms for bonus points)
But that's the strategy that helped me go from awkward to someone who can strike a conversation with random people on the train. [B]If you open up to people in a conversation, it doesn't matter what medium, it simply gets easier to do.
[/B]
(It also allowed me to visit europe for 2 weeks on less than 50 euros and a plane ticket, couchsurfing)
[QUOTE=Kopimi;37192030]i think hes referring to a university student sending nude pictures of local girls who are probably underage to a 15 year old[/QUOTE]
Well I hadn't thought about it that much, but yeah the nude pictures of local girls thing is pretty sad and boastful and terrible
It's mostly just everything he said though
[QUOTE=ThePinkPanzer;37192169]
Apparently the parties this guy throws are nuts. My friend got laid in the middle of the last one, some random guys from Philly had nitrogen balloons to pass around and there was alcohol and drunk chicks everywhere.[/QUOTE]
Like this, super gross and stereotypical and idealises being a generation of whores for the price of however much it takes to get drunk et al
It's totally the standard but I still don't really get why you'd wanna do that shit rather than having a nice girl/boyfriend or something
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=G3rman;37194026]Best way to build up your skill in RL conversation is RL conversation, not text on the internet. You can act like anyone on the internet, but you can't hide behind a monitor in real life.
Just talk to friends or family and then step it up to people you don't normally talk to. It's just something you have to experience first hand.[/QUOTE]
So you're unfamiliar with the concept of Skype then
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;37194198]
Like this, super gross and stereotypical and idealises being a generation of whores for the price of however much it takes to get drunk et al
It's totally the standard but I still don't really get why you'd wanna do that shit rather than having a nice girl/boyfriend or something
[B]Nothing wrong with having fun and hopefully safe sex. Not everyone has a significant other at all times and its no reason to hold back.[/B]
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
So you're unfamiliar with the concept of Skype then
[B]Not at all, it still doesn't give the same experience seeing someone in person gives. Skype isn't exclusively video calls either, not everyone has access to a webcam.[/B][/QUOTE]
it doesn't give the same experience, but like I said before
[I]If you open up to people in a conversation, it doesn't matter what medium, it simply gets easier to do.[/I]
[QUOTE=trotskygrad;37194262]it doesn't give the same experience, but like I said before
[I]If you open up to people in a conversation, it doesn't matter what medium, it simply gets easier to do.[/I][/QUOTE]
In some aspects, but if you aren't using your voice text type won't improve your speaking ability or how comfortable you are in the presence of others.
[QUOTE=G3rman;37194275]In some aspects, but if you aren't using your voice text type won't improve your speaking ability or how comfortable you are in the presence of others.[/QUOTE]
true, but I was talking more about the dealing with knowing [B]what[/B] to say, as opposed to confronting the fear of actually saying it nor the delivery.
[QUOTE=trotskygrad;37194324]true, but I was talking more about the dealing with knowing [B]what[/B] to say, as opposed to confronting the fear of actually saying it nor the delivery.[/QUOTE]
Fair, but knowing what to say is irrelevant if you can't bring up the courage to speak to a person or persons in close contact. Why not do it all at once by starting with in person conversation?
Trot obviously meant skyping with cam and voice in his post, I don't know why you're using that text strawman, is it just an excuse to argue?
If you don't have the person in your presence and you want to talk to them, skype is perfect. I'm not really sure why you say the experience of talking differs so much from in person, if talking is all you're doing then the only difference is the static angle at which you view the other person while you talk
I'm the biggest fucking idiot ever.
The girl I'm going for is on holidays right now. So when I went out yesterday, I was hanging around with a friend of her.
We talked a lot and I found out that she had a crush on a mutual friend. We went dancing after that and had a great time. We nearly kissed there, tough I was really trying not to. After that, I was basically the horniest idiot in the whole club.
When we went home (~30 minutes walking) she asked me to stay at her place. I declined, but she wouldn't have any of it and came to my home instead :v:
After we passed her house, I confessed to her that I have a crush on her friend. She wasn't happy about it, but eventually I got her to laugh again (told her something really, really embarassing about me).
We didn't have sex that night, but I was just confused as hell. I could have if I wanted. It wouldn't have been difficult. But I just couldn't bring myself to it, because I though I'd be cheating on the other girl, who I don't even have a relationship yet (my friends all tell me that it will work out with her, it was supposedly really obvious).
Did I fuck up? Or was it the right decision?
[QUOTE=rosthouse;37194899]I'm the biggest fucking idiot ever.
The girl I'm going for is on holidays right now. So when I went out yesterday, I was hanging around with a friend of her.
We talked a lot and I found out that she had a crush on a mutual friend. We went dancing after that and had a great time. We nearly kissed there, tough I was really trying not to. After that, I was basically the horniest idiot in the whole club.
When we went home (~30 minutes walking) she asked me to stay at her place. I declined, but she wouldn't have any of it and came to my home instead :v:
After we passed her house, I confessed to her that I have a crush on her friend. She wasn't happy about it, but eventually I got her to laugh again (told her something really, really embarassing about me).
We didn't have sex that night, but I was just confused as hell. I could have if I wanted. It wouldn't have been difficult. But I just couldn't bring myself to it, because I though I'd be cheating on the other girl, who I don't even have a relationship yet (my friends all tell me that it will work out with her, it was supposedly really obvious).
Did I fuck up? Or was it the right decision?[/QUOTE]
It depends. What do you value more, one night of sex with that girl or getting with the girl you want?
(I wouldn't say you fucked up. At all :v: )
you did absolutely nothing wrong. your dick might have tried to get the better of you, but you managed to get ahead of it and stop it. even if you had slept with her you wouldn't really have done anything wrong, since you're both single (i assume?), but if you thought you'd feel guilty enough to not do anything, then i don't see how that's anything at all bad. and if it ever comes to light you're going to look a heck of a lot better as the guy that "could have, but didn't" than "the guy that fancies you but slept with your best friend whilst he was waiting"
you beat your dick, congrats
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[sub][sub]that sounds wrong, you know what i mean[/sub][/sub]
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[sub][sub]although i'd assume you did when you got home anyway, heyOO[/sub][/sub]
[QUOTE=Zanpa;37195261]It depends. What do you value more, one night of sex with that girl or getting with the girl you want?
(I wouldn't say you fucked up. At all :v: )[/QUOTE]
I do value something long term more than just a quick number. So yeah, I think I did good then.
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Autumn;37195279]you did absolutely nothing wrong. your dick might have tried to get the better of you, but you managed to get ahead of it and stop it. even if you had slept with her you wouldn't really have done anything wrong, since you're both single (i assume?), but if you thought you'd feel guilty enough to not do anything, then i don't see how that's anything at all bad. and if it ever comes to light you're going to look a heck of a lot better as the guy that "could have, but didn't" than "the guy that fancies you but slept with your best friend whilst he was waiting"
you beat your dick, congrats
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[sub][sub]that sounds wrong, you know what i mean[/sub][/sub]
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[sub][sub]although i'd assume you did when you got home anyway, heyOO[/sub][/sub][/QUOTE]
We are both singles, so this wouldn't have been a problem. But yeah, if you word it like that, I think I did the right thing after all.
Thanks people.
Been a while since I posted for advice in this thread, but my feelings are currently a mess. This'll be long-winded.
I've been in a relationship with a girl, T, for coming up on 5 months now. There is another girl, E, who I posted about in here when I asked her out for Valentine's day and she turned me down, and my feelings for her have come back. That was about 6 months ago and for the longest time I really thought I had moved on cleanly and was doing fine. I went with her and a couple other friends up to Pennsylvania to camp for the past week, and prolonged exposure has caused crush induction in the residual stomach-butterfly field. When I asked her out before, she was single. Recently she's been dating a former crush of mine, L. T and I have been through a lot in our short relationship so far and I love her, and L is one of my favorite friends so I wouldn't want to make her resent me for mackin' on her lady. (Although she is in a relationship with a guy-friend of mine as well so potentially she could be cool with it, I dunno, but I don't think E would be anyway.) I want to be able to resolve this without anyone getting hurt, but I think that's a tall order.
I really have no idea what to do. I feel like a piece of shit for feeling this strongly about someone else while I'm in a relationship. I've got friends I think are very attractive even while I've been in the relationship, but no one I'd rightly call a crush until now. I don't want to like her but I can't control it. I feel dishonest that T doesn't know, and she recently told me she wishes I had never told her I had asked E out. She has days where she feels undeserving of me, and has very little self-worth. It was even worse before we were together. She was in a relationship with an abusive piece of shit for 3 years and was afraid to leave him because she didn't think she deserved better. She was almost constantly depressed and wouldn't socialize because of it. I've helped her self-esteem, and I like that I make her feel good, but I can't be her medicine. E makes her quite jealous, since I had asked E out, but T asked me out herself. She feels like second choice, like I just got together with her because I had been rejected and was scared to be alone, but when she first asked me out I turned T down. We only got together afterward, once we started becoming really close. I've been having second thoughts about our relationship recently, though that has happened before and it seemed to be a product of being away from her for a few weeks and goes away once we're together again. Her flaws seem more pronounced, but I'm sure that's just because of my feelings and not that she's actually acting differently.
I'm not sure how to handle this. I certainly don't want to break up with T over this. I want our relationship to succeed or fail because of how I feel about our relationship, not because of someone else. Particularly not someone who is already taken, and by a very good friend. When she rejected me before, she told me she didn't date people unless they were close friends first, and we weren't. I thought that was just a friendly "no" but that's precisely what happened with her and L. They were just good friends for the better part of a year until E suggested they go on a not-just-friends-date. Now we've become closer friends as well, as tends to happen when you spend a week practically living with someone. There was flirtation both ways. But in the end, whether I've got a shot with her or not is irrelevant because I've already been turned down once and the feelings are still there.
I feel shitty not telling T. I want to tell her. I have always tried to be perfectly honest with her about my feelings in the past. I think it's the best way to build a relationship, but I know telling her this would devastate her. I especially don't want to since it's a thing which may just blow over. Normally I'd probably want to handle it by avoiding E until it goes away, but I just can't do that. We're becoming better friends and I need all the friends I can get. A very significant fraction of my close friends group just graduated and is moving away, including my best friend for nearly a decade now, as is his girlfriend who is also a close friend, as is L. Probably the best option is just to wait and see if it goes away, but it came back after six months, and E and I are better friends now than we were before, so I don't know that it will. My other thought was to talk to E about it and see what she thinks. Not to ask her out or anything, but just explain my feelings and get her advice. I'd say that might make things awkward, but everything was fine before after I asked her out. We had a long chat about it and there was no awkwardness. She's one of the most inhumanly kind people I or any of my friends knows, so I feel like if she could offer advice, it would probably end up being the most humane course of action. She is, however, a bit naive as well. It's really not ideal, but I think it's a way to be honest and help to work through it without hurting T unnecessarily. I kind of feel like I need to be able to talk to someone involved instead of just bottling it up and feeling like a scumbag all the time.
Thoughts greatly appreciated.
So basically you're in a slightly flaky relationship with Taylor and have got an old crush coming back for Emily who's in a relationship right now?
I'm not sure what advice I can give, other than if Emily is in a relationship and rejected you a while back, the odds aren't in your favor that you can separate Emily from her SO and then successfully date her. I'm not sure if it's irrelevant, as you said, because if you don't have a shot, you've just alienated every person you mentioned in that post.
logically speaking, do you think you'd be happier in a relationship with the other girl than the one you're with now?
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;37197647](Although she is in a relationship with a guy-friend of mine as well so potentially she could be cool with it, I dunno, but I don't think E would be anyway.) I want to be able to resolve this without anyone getting hurt, but I think that's a tall order.[/QUOTE]
nvm
bad idea to mess with someone else's relationship, best you can do is tough it out. if anything both girls you're involved with will think less of you
That's pretty confusing what you wrote there JM1. Go with your gut feeling.
[editline]12th August 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=rosthouse;37194899]
Did I fuck up? Or was it the right decision?[/QUOTE]
Technically you didn't. It gained you no good or bad karma.
So today I noticed something that would be a good draft with the girl I met this week.
I told her back then that these times it's a social norm to stalk someone of FB.
Then today I see that she has gone and liked a status of mine all the way back from March.
Another thing today was that the girl I have a crush on asked me out for a cig and coffee.
^^She will be overly emotional and possessive, the one who liked you status way back in time machine.
Well that is good to know.
Starting to get second thought about the coffee, because it's coming trough me like all my intestines were just replaced with plastic tubing that makes the coffee flow right trough withouth any processing.
[QUOTE=Disseminate;37198560]So basically you're in a slightly flaky relationship with Taylor and have got an old crush coming back for Emily who's in a relationship right now?
I'm not sure what advice I can give, other than if Emily is in a relationship and rejected you a while back, the odds aren't in your favor that you can separate Emily from her SO and then successfully date her. I'm not sure if it's irrelevant, as you said, because if you don't have a shot, you've just alienated every person you mentioned in that post.[/QUOTE]
I never said I was planning to separate them. I already know a guy who has a crush on E and has for a while and now he's been talking to her and undermining her relationship because he wants to get with her. I think that's an incredibly scummy thing to do.
Didn't know where I should put this.
When I got honest about my weight, I was about 203 and was 5'11. Now I am 6' and weigh 180. Woo.
[QUOTE=rosthouse;37194899]
Did I fuck up? Or was it the right decision?[/QUOTE]
of course you didn't fuck up. you don't have an obligation to sleep with anyone who'll have you.
congrats you have self-control
hey guys I'm on vacation now for two weeks in my grandparents village helping them out in the farm and stuff.(im typing on my phone)
So far it's been great being here. The peace, the quiet...
Anyway, I just had the weirdest and most awkward "date", if you can call it that, ever.
Met this girl from the city near here on facebook some years ago and we've been keeping in touch ever since. So, since there's not to much going on here, I borrowed my grandfather's car and there I went for a nice time going out with her and her friends. So far so good.
When i get there we meet in this nice pub and find a place to sit next to the window. I could see she was a bit nervous because it was the first time we met so I decided to do the talking.
So we had a little chat and I got up, said I was going to grab me a beer and asked if she wanted one too, if not, something else.
She imediatelly replied "no! I don't drink. And kinda frowned at me for drinking a beer". Almost made me feel guilty for having a beer in a pub.
Then I try to talk some more and she comes up with something like "I hate how people drink just to be social!".
And starts giving me a kind of a rant..
Jeez , I just had a beer because I was thirsty and I've just been driving for an hour. And it was going to be my only beer since I'd be driving back.
So I explained her that. And she then replies "my ex used to drink and smoke a lot!" and just started talking about it.
At that point I thougth, "here we go..." and then "ok, fuck this, I quit trying to please or making a conversation".
So I switched to defence mode, shut my mouth and let her talk about her and her first world problems all night, just smiling, nodding and being agreeable to avoid future rants. At that point I was just wishing for her friends to come quick so I could meet somebody sane for once. On the other hand I was praying that her friends weren't as crazy as her.
Don't get me wrong if I'm posing like an idiot here. I've tried.
I tried changing to a healthy subject like work, studies, projects for life, puppies and rainbows and she just hated everything. Every topic of conversation quickly lead to talking about herself, her problems, her trivial idealisms and crap. She was everything I hate in a girl: self centered upidy (hope I'm typing correctly) bitch who only cares about herself.
Well, to finalize my cautionary tale , her friends arrived after an hour of torture. They were, unlike her , a very nice group to hang out with and I imediately started talking to them. They were five. 3 girls and 2 guys. We talked and laughed so much, I now have their numbers and I could tell I really left a good impression on one of the girls. (we've been texting all night since I got back).
During the night i took a glimpse on my "date" and she was just distant and staring either to her phone or ocasionaly talking to someone.
Well, the night ended and we said our goodbies arranging to meet again this week.
Since the "date" lived near there I offered myself to walk her home.
We were silent during the walk. I was going for my pocket for a cigarrete I was keeping but kept myself from it to avoid another shitstorm.
So , instead I just pushed out the elastic holding my ponny tail and loosen up my hair (i have long hair) to enjoy the night breeze going through my neck and hair. Its something I really enjoy.
Then she just comes up with : omg, did you just do that because of me?
(or something like that).
"no, I didn't". What the fuck is her problem?
I said to her "listen, I don't know what your problem is tonight .."
"i know, sorry" and then I just left.
I've had other "dates"\go outs like these before but at least I've made friends tonight. As for her I just don't know, she seems a nice person to correspond to, maybe she was nervous or isn't very good at going out with guys and says all kinds of shit, or maybe she just needs to grow the fuck up.
And thats another one for my huge freak list.
lol that sounded incredibly unpleasant. at least you met some enjoyable people. i probably would have took off before they got there.
Why would you let you hair down because of her? That in particular confuses me.
Long hair is great on guys.
Although I like both girls and guys so I wouldn't count that as something a lot of girls like or not I dunno :v:
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37206606]Why would you let you hair down because of her? That in particular confuses me.
Long hair is great on guys.
Although I like both girls and guys so I wouldn't count that as something a lot of girls like or not I dunno :v:[/QUOTE]
1. she was the one that assumed that, he didn't get it either, she's a weirdo
2. ew no lol
So i went to a christian camp thing, and turns out a crap load of people smoked/drank there. I talked and met people more through alcohol than I did through talking about christianity :v:
[QUOTE=Glitch360;37207046]So i went to a christian camp thing, and turns out a crap load of people smoked/drank there. I talked and met people more through alcohol than I did through talking about christianity :v:[/QUOTE]
PRAISE ALCO- I MEAN JESUS
I'm currently getting pretty involved with a girl because she seemed to like me a lot a few months ago and as a result I "friendzoned" another female that I was getting involved with whom I liked a lot. The thing is I still actually quite like the original girl seeing as she was more geeky and introverted like me and the new girl is more of what I would consider "popular."
[editline]13th August 2012[/editline]
Man I have no idea how to handle this.
handle what
you're swiping one person for someone, how is that difficult for you to handle?
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