• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37301704]if youre talking about down the line of your current relationship then it still doesn't matter that you're his first, since youre both relatively unexperienced if you're talking about the idea of maybe one day when you're 22 finding a guy who hasn't had a girlfriend, then why are you worrying about that? its unlikely and you'll cross that bridge when you come to it[/QUOTE] I'll try explaining more what I mean. I am his first girlfriend, and we started dating a bit before he turned 18. What I mean is in the long term if you had only dated one girl and continued to date that one girl, would you later wonder if maybe you missed out dating other girls and want to try that? I'm expecting us to stick together for a long time, obviously.
he might slightly feel that way, but he probably wont act on them unless hes a dick but you have some pretty high expectations
Seems to me you're overthinking it. Just stay cool and don't doubt him. There needs to be some kind of a "trust standard". I know a lot of guys who dated only one girl in their life and they're still together. And then there's a small group of a-holes (born that way, can't change), who get a sudden confidence boost from getting their first girlfriend. Presumably - you don't date assholes. So as long as you don't give him a solid reason to find a substitution (overreacting a being hysterical for no reason all the time; for example), you don't need to worry about this at all. Keep it cool, chill, give enough attention, make a steady working relationship and there's no need to try and escape it. (unless he's a freaking moron) EDIT: Self-critically: Way to complicate stuff that can be said easily - as seen above this post
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37302365]he might slightly feel that way, but he probably wont act on them unless hes a dick but you have some pretty high expectations[/QUOTE] Yeah that's about what he said (he reads this thread now he knows I post here). I don't think it's high expectations to expect to stay with someone you are dating :) We share that expectation so works fine lol. [quote] Seems to me you're overthinking it. Just stay cool and don't doubt him. There needs to be some kind of a "trust standard". I know a lot of guys who dated only one girl in their life and they're still together. And then there's a small group of a-holes (born that way, can't chamge), who get a sudden confidence boost from getting their first girlfriend. Presumably - you don't date assholes. So as long as you don't give him a solid reason to find a substitution (overreacting a being hysterical for no reason all the time; for example), you don't need to worry about this at all. Keep it cool, chill, give enough attention, make a steady working relationship and there's no need to try and escape it. (unless he's a freaking moron) EDIT: Self-critically: Way to complicate stuff that can be said easily - as seen above this post [/quote] I do trust him :) I'm not actually worried or anything was just curious what the opinion on her was, if you would miss that opportunity or such. Good to know :3
Okay I'm going to just assume all those disagrees mean the age gap isn't too big? Right, well here's the story: met her in the park (well kinda public gardens), I got her on facebook but I (stupidly) didn't get her number. Now I'm not really sure how I should ask for her number on facebook though. I guess I'll just go "yo you should give me your number"? I kinda want to ask for it straight away but my friend says I should wait until tomorrow
[QUOTE=Tennisball;37303199]Okay I'm going to just assume all those disagrees mean the age gap isn't too big? Right, well here's the story: met her in the park (well kinda public gardens), I got her on facebook but I (stupidly) didn't get her number. Now I'm not really sure how I should ask for her number on facebook though. I guess I'll just go "yo you should give me your number"? I kinda want to ask for it straight away but my friend says I should wait until tomorrow[/QUOTE] Or just chat on facebook a bit then ask her to hang out, be it with a group or not. Get her number in person then?
[QUOTE=Rhenae;37303254]Or just chat on facebook a bit then ask her to hang out, be it with a group or not. Get her number in person then?[/QUOTE] wow that's cunning [editline]18th August 2012[/editline] Or at least, more cunning than me
[QUOTE=Tennisball;37301687]I'm 16 (since April), she'll be 15 in December. Too big of an age gap?[/QUOTE] Really, actual age doesnt matter as much as maturity and seriously thats a pretty small age gap. One of my best friends is 14 and im 18, THAT is a fairly large age gap and trust me ive gotten a LOT of shit for it. But in the end I dont care, shes really tight and one of the few people that understands the fucked up things that go on inside my head. Yeah sorry If no one gives a fuck, Ive just thought about this topic a lot and I felt like sharing.
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;37305557]Really, actual age doesnt matter as much as maturity and seriously thats a pretty small age gap. One of my best friends is 14 and im 18, THAT is a fairly large age gap and trust me ive gotten a LOT of shit for it. But in the end I dont care, shes really tight and one of the few people that understands the fucked up things that go on inside my head. Yeah sorry If no one gives a fuck, Ive just thought about this topic a lot and I felt like sharing.[/QUOTE] Wait I think I remember you... Wasn't she 13 last time you posted about her?
[QUOTE=Tennisball;37305735]Wait I think I remember you... Wasn't she 13 last time you posted about her?[/QUOTE] Yes, you are correct. We are still very close, dispite how much some people hate it because they dont understand our relationship. Ive stopped giving a fuck what other people think about it at this point.
Ok, so, I've been talking to this girl most of summer and I think that she may like me. However, I don't really have any interest in her, so to speak. She's 17 and drinks and smokes and I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want to hurt her feelings since she sort of had a difficult childhood, but I'm not sure what to do. This is what I thought I might do: If my hunch is right, and she does like me, I'll go out with her on the condition that she stops smoking and drinking. I can't force her to stop doing that, but she also can't force me to date her.
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;37305557]Really, actual age doesnt matter as much as maturity and seriously thats a pretty small age gap. One of my best friends is 14 and im 18, THAT is a fairly large age gap and trust me ive gotten a LOT of shit for it. But in the end I dont care, shes really tight and one of the few people that understands the fucked up things that go on inside my head. Yeah sorry If no one gives a fuck, Ive just thought about this topic a lot and I felt like sharing.[/QUOTE] I think you're just immature and 13 year old girls are the only age group you can get along with maturity wise. Or you're a pedo. Your choice. and 15 to 16 is nothing to the kid who asked earlier.
[QUOTE=JonniXD;37305975]Ok, so, I've been talking to this girl most of summer and I think that she may like me. However, I don't really have any interest in her, so to speak. She's 17 and drinks and smokes and I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want to hurt her feelings since she sort of had a difficult childhood, but I'm not sure what to do. This is what I thought I might do: If my hunch is right, and she does like me, I'll go out with her on the condition that she stops smoking and drinking. I can't force her to stop doing that, but she also can't force me to date her.[/QUOTE] Or just, you know, continue on as you are and make no move to ask her out. Just because she might like you doesn't automatically make you in a relationship or obligated to be in one. Don't be a dick and force her to stop doing what she does, she isn't going to force a date on you.
[QUOTE=JonniXD;37305975]Ok, so, I've been talking to this girl most of summer and I think that she may like me. However, I don't really have any interest in her, so to speak. She's 17 and drinks and smokes and I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want to hurt her feelings since she sort of had a difficult childhood, but I'm not sure what to do. This is what I thought I might do: If my hunch is right, and she does like me, I'll go out with her on the condition that she stops smoking and drinking. I can't force her to stop doing that, but she also can't force me to date her.[/QUOTE] To say you're not even dating, and you only have a hunch, I wouldn't pursue it with the intention of getting her to stop smoking and drinking. It seems quite rude, and I doubt she'd be very receptive to "Hey want to go out for a coffee but you're never allowed to drink or smoke again?" I don't see anything wrong with the drinking at that age though, provided she's not an alcoholic. Ninja'd
[QUOTE=G3rman;37306002]Or just, you know, continue on as you are and make no move to ask her out. Just because she might like you doesn't automatically make you in a relationship or obligated to be in one. Don't be a dick and force her to stop doing what she does, she isn't going to force a date on you.[/QUOTE] I wasn't planning on making a move, I was thinking what to do if she does. [B]Edit:[/B] I'm not going to ask her out, but if she does, I'll just tell her that I'm not comfortable dating someone who drinks and smokes, since I don't and I have no interest in doing so.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;37305999]I think you're just immature and 13 year old girls are the only age group you can get along with maturity wise. Or you're a pedo. Your choice.[/QUOTE] Thats generally the reply I expected. I dont feel like justifying myself, its too much effort and nobody ever understands where im coming from. So sure, I'm a pedophile. Fuck it
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;37305958]Yes, you are correct. We are still very close, dispite how much some people hate it because they dont understand our relationship. Ive stopped giving a fuck what other people think about it at this point.[/QUOTE] Thats how I feel about some of my relationships "Who the fuck cares about what other people think"
[QUOTE=JonniXD;37306039]I wasn't planning on making a move, I was thinking what to do if she does.[/QUOTE] Same thing still kind of applies, just politely refuse her. If she asks why I guess you could mention being uncomfortable with it it, but laying down a list of rules is bad. By the sounds of it she's a pretty social girl and stopping drinking/smoking for a guy would seem silly. [editline]19th August 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=SHOE3045;37306074]Thats generally the reply I expected. I dont feel like justifying myself, its too much effort and nobody ever understands where im coming from. So sure, I'm a pedophile. Fuck it[/QUOTE] It's funny how you see nothing wrong with this.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;37306079]Same thing still kind of applies, just politely refuse her. If she asks why I guess you could mention being uncomfortable with it it, but laying down a list of rules is bad. By the sounds of it she's a pretty social girl and stopping drinking/smoking for a guy would seem silly. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I guess. If I can't take her as she is, it's better to just leave it.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;37306079] It's funny how you see nothing wrong with this.[/QUOTE] I am a fucked up individual, but I might as well make peace with it instead of hating myself for something im not. Which, trust me; has been a pretty big problem for me.
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;37306238]I am a fucked up individual, but I might as well make peace with it instead of hating myself for something im not. Which, trust me; has been a pretty big problem for me.[/QUOTE] Doesn't mean you can't change. Was she your first real relationship? Some guys (mostly guys) date younger girls as it's just easier, I don't see why you'd have too much trouble finding a girl closer to your age.
[QUOTE=SHOE3045;37306238]I am a fucked up individual, but I might as well make peace with it instead of hating myself for something im not. Which, trust me; has been a pretty big problem for me.[/QUOTE] Or you know, strive to improve yourself? Get therapy?
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;37306293]Or you know, strive to improve yourself? Get therapy?[/QUOTE] We were never in a relationship and I doubt we ever will be. I understand where your coming from though, I dont have much trouble with girls. But I love Jane, shes really cool and understands me really well. Its not as weird as youd think (yeah as many times as I say that no one will believe me) Im currently in a program by the way... I am striving to improve myself. Its really hard sometimes, but hell I dont exactly have many choices
Guys, he didn't even ask for advice, he mentioned in passing and someone else brought it up. This discussion has been had at length in this thread before, I don't see a reason to force it on him again. If they are both okay with it then they are both okay with it, he knows the opinion here and as they get older the age gap will either break it up, or it will stop mattering as much. Age gaps of even just 2 years can get broken up come college time, and age gaps of over 6 years can stop mattering later in life. My sister just got married to a guy who was graduating when she just got in to middle school, for example :)
Is it bad that I am good friends with my friends exes? I think he may be slightly autistic or something. He doesn't understand how people work, at all. Like, he'll be a complete ass, have it pointed out to him, and he'll either try to justify it, or not comprehend how he is an ass. Anyway, so he has two exes, and they're both pretty good friends with me. Like, I chill with either of them more than I do with him. I don't know if I am actually friends with him. I could just be being nice to him. He really doesn't know how society works. He feels a victim of it, but really he put himself in that position. Random post. Don't pay attention to it.
Right, so this girl tells me that as soon as she saw me she instantly wanted to be my friend and thought I was really nice and cool, at which point I tell her that I had a crush on her and thought she was cool as well she seemed to ignore this completely and I think she really really just wants to be my friend, what is life?
[QUOTE=ewitwins;37289030][B]HELP[/B] I need an emergency deliberation, because, well... One of my family members on the highly religious side of my family just asked me the "Christ" question. Here was my response: I think I messed up.[/QUOTE] It is lucky nobody in my family is religious. But also a shame, it would be kind of funny to clash with them, although it would be very one sided because I don't care. Like I would just brazenly say 'dude, there is no jesus'' like i respect peoples faiths (kind of) but if they put me in a position like that obviously theyre not respecting mine
We talked for a while this morning. She addressed all of the issues I had, at least verbally. If she means what she said and acts the part, we can be together still. If she was just saying things to fix the situation, but isn't capable of actually doing what she says, then we're back to where we were last night. So another chance for her and I.
[QUOTE=Rusty100;37309583]It is lucky nobody in my family is religious. But also a shame, it would be kind of funny to clash with them, although it would be very one sided because I don't care. Like I would just brazenly say 'dude, there is no jesus'' like i respect peoples faiths (kind of) but if they put me in a position like that obviously theyre not respecting mine[/QUOTE] Everybody in my family believes in god, I do not care if there is a god or not. Yet I've often talked with my mother for hours about religion. We respect each other's beliefs (or lack thereof) and still can discuss the matter without any clash.
Hurgh. I was banned, now I'm lost.
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