The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37318941]New roommate just backed out. That makes five people who said, "I'm definitely on board," just to change their minds later. I am really rapidly running out of time to find roommates. I'm going to lose the apartment if I can't get somebody in here soon!
Dunno what to do. I've gone through every response I got from Craigslist that looked even remotely comfortable, I've put flyers up at the coffee shop, I went through all my friends, I put in an advertisement with the college, I signed up for a roommate-finding web service; I've got jack.[/QUOTE]
I know that feel man. Would love to be your roomie if you lived near me haha.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37318941]New roommate just backed out. That makes five people who said, "I'm definitely on board," just to change their minds later. I am really rapidly running out of time to find roommates. I'm going to lose the apartment if I can't get somebody in here soon!
Dunno what to do. I've gone through every response I got from Craigslist that looked even remotely comfortable, I've put flyers up at the coffee shop, I went through all my friends, I put in an advertisement with the college, I signed up for a roommate-finding web service; I've got jack.[/QUOTE]
you wouldn't happen to be in the seattle area would you?
As a matter of fact, no, I'm not! I'm in the suburbs of Saint Louis. I've got a really beautiful little apartment, though, in a very ideal location, with very fair rent, so I'm a bit confused as to why I can't get anybody to commit!
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37319003]As a matter of fact, no, I'm not! I'm in the suburbs of Saint Louis. I've got a really beautiful little apartment, though, in a very ideal location, with very fair rent, so I'm a bit confused as to why I can't get anybody to commit![/QUOTE]
Tell the landlord to advertise it for you and increase the price by like 5% or something until the space is filled.
So I have this crush on this girl or something like that and I want to ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime but I'm not sure how I should go about doing it...
Let me start off with a backstory, I work this this girl's mom (who I'm good friends with), and I've been invited over to their house a few times and we've watched movies together (Her, her mom, her sister, sister's husband). She recently moved out and is now living by herself. She's incredibly smart, tall, and has a wonderful smile.
Anyway, the only time I ever see her is when I'm at work. I work at a gas station, and she comes in on certain days to get gas and some stuff before she goes to work.
Should I just be some-what blunt and ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime? Or should I try to catch her outside of work and talk to her?
[QUOTE=slayer20;37319342]So I have this crush on this girl or something like that and I want to ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime but I'm not sure how I should go about doing it...
Let me start off with a backstory, I work this this girl's mom (who I'm good friends with), and I've been invited over to their house a few times and we've watched movies together (Her, her mom, her sister, sister's husband). She recently moved out and is now living by herself. She's incredibly smart, tall, and has a wonderful smile.
Anyway, the only time I ever see her is when I'm at work. I work at a gas station, and she comes in on certain days to get gas and some stuff before she goes to work.
Should I just be some-what blunt and ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime? Or should I try to catch her outside of work and talk to her?[/QUOTE]
Dude, if you see her come in at your work you should definitely go for it. Talk, smile, and then ask her out. Seems like the best option to me.
[quote="Bamfan"]Need some help guys. Starting college on Wednesday. I'm a pretty open person, and very energetic, but tend to go very quiet around new people. I need to make some friends in my classes for study buddies and whatnot. Suggestions?[/quote]
Do you already know anyone who will be starting college with you? That could help. But really, just talk to people, man. Before class, during class (maybe), and after class. Find some things in common and make some new friends, then just start hanging out with them. I know it's pretty blunt advice but that's all you really have to do. :v:
Not relevant to any of you, but being friend-zone'd can suck really hard. :(
[QUOTE=slayer20;37319342]So I have this crush on this girl or something like that and I want to ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime but I'm not sure how I should go about doing it...
Let me start off with a backstory, I work this this girl's mom (who I'm good friends with), and I've been invited over to their house a few times and we've watched movies together (Her, her mom, her sister, sister's husband). She recently moved out and is now living by herself. She's incredibly smart, tall, and has a wonderful smile.
Anyway, the only time I ever see her is when I'm at work. I work at a gas station, and she comes in on certain days to get gas and some stuff before she goes to work.
Should I just be some-what blunt and ask her if she wants to watch a movie sometime? Or should I try to catch her outside of work and talk to her?[/QUOTE]
no movies, just my suggestion
get time alone together to just walk and talk, let her get to know a different side of you, do something outside that's fun and casual
just say something like "hey i hear it's supposed to be nice tomorrow night, i'm probably going to go for a walk. wanna join me?"
when you're making the offer, you want to make it seem like you're just going to do your own thing with or without her, and it's less pressure on her
[QUOTE=Bamfan;37318658]Need some help guys. Starting college on Wednesday. I'm a pretty open person, and very energetic, but tend to go very quiet around new people. I need to make some friends in my classes for study buddies and whatnot. Suggestions?[/QUOTE]
What program are you going into?
[QUOTE=Disseminate;37320738]What program are you going into?[/QUOTE]
It's hard to describe my situation....pretty much I can't have a major yet. I will be taking Biology, Economics, Political Science, and a lab.
[QUOTE=Bamfan;37320972]It's hard to describe my situation....pretty much I can't have a major yet. I will be taking Biology, Economics, Political Science, and a lab.[/QUOTE]
usually in college, during the first two years you just take general classes and take specialized courses during the next two years. in the community college i'm going to you pretty much just declare whether you're a science major or arts major and pick classes relevant to your transfer school's recommended program.
kind of sucks trying to meet people if you're just taking general classes though, seeing as a lot of the time, most of the students aren't interested in the subject and are just there because it's required. once you take classes specific to your major you'll probably meet a ton of people who share your interests.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37318266]I've given responses like I'd been ignoring them.
But had completely ignored all that then I doubt that I'd be having conflicting feelings about it.[/QUOTE]
reasons Sunday_Roast ignores every piece of advice ever given to him:
- i wanna bang this dude's girlfriend
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37320994]kind of sucks trying to meet people if you're just taking general classes though, seeing as a lot of the time, most of the students aren't interested in the subject and are just there because it's required. once you take classes specific to your major you'll probably meet a ton of people who share your interests.[/QUOTE]
This is what I was gonna get at. First year was terrible for me, not just because it was mostly generalized, but moreso because there were two (2) students in my program, myself included, and the other one didn't really bother to socialize. There was this other kid in my physics class who was incredibly quiet. I tried to chat with him one time - the only thing I got out of him:
"So, what major are you going into?"
"Art."
I never saw him again.
[QUOTE=Disseminate;37321127]
"So, what major are you going into?"
"Art."
I never saw him again.[/QUOTE]
[I]The Lone College Wanderer.[/I]
[QUOTE=djshox;37319477]no movies, just my suggestion
get time alone together to just walk and talk, let her get to know a different side of you, do something outside that's fun and casual
just say something like "hey i hear it's supposed to be nice tomorrow night, i'm probably going to go for a walk. wanna join me?"
when you're making the offer, you want to make it seem like you're just going to do your own thing with or without her, and it's less pressure on her[/QUOTE]
In that case should I just ask her if she wants to hang out sometime? I don't really do much of anything outside the house other than go shopping or work.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37319003]As a matter of fact, no, I'm not! I'm in the suburbs of Saint Louis. I've got a really beautiful little apartment, though, in a very ideal location, with very fair rent, so I'm a bit confused as to why I can't get anybody to commit![/QUOTE]
Why not ask to move in with your lady?
woah i think it's too soon for that
he hasn't even had gabigool with her
[QUOTE=thisispain;37321430]woah i think it's too soon for that
he hasn't even had gabigool with her[/QUOTE]
He could ask her to tell her friends (that she would be comfortable with) about his dilemma and broaden his pool that way.
[QUOTE=ewitwins;37321424]Why not ask to move in with your lady?[/QUOTE]
We've only been dating a month, dude! I mean, I dig her and everything, but it's a bit soon to be asking her to move in with me.
[editline]20th August 2012[/editline]
We haven't even had gabigool yet!
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37322049]We haven't even had gabigool yet![/QUOTE]
Wait, that's slang for sex right?
Or are actually referring to the food
i don't know what it is, but i know 50% of the conversations in The Soprano's are about gabagool.
Hi people, how do I get friends, I seem to have forgotten how to.
You go outside.
[QUOTE=Chocolate.;37322086]Wait, that's slang for sex right?
Or are actually referring to the food[/QUOTE]
I don't even know what gabagool is, but I know we haven't had it yet, so we can't possibly move in with each other.
Hey guys, first time I'm posting in this thread!
I normally don't talk about my problems with strangers but I'm actually starting to freak out about my life and I just need some serious advice.
Well, I'll tell you a bit of my background because this has a connection to the problem I'm dealing with.
I never was in a real relationship, I had some affairs but it never went further than that.
I'm a pretty shy person when it comes to women because I got fucked up a lot by them (told me that they like me but fucked other guys afterwards).
A huge problem is, that I think, people don't really like me. Most people I see, stay in contact with their friends, get called and people actually care about them.
I only have my Mom, even my Dad is not interested in me (they divorced when I was 4, we had good contact but 6 months ago, I stopped calling him and we lost contact).
People don't ask me, if I want to do something and I think that I'm not really interesting. I am the one, that always has to ask people what they're doing.
I've asked a lot of people, what they think about me and they said, that I'm a really cute guy (I'm 19 btw.), funny and different. A lot of girls (even the real hot ones) said, that I'm actually good looking and that they don't understand, why I'm still not in a relationship because I care about human beings.
The biggest point is, that I'm different from the people that live here.
2 months ago, I met a girl at a party (she came with a friend of mine) and had a really good night together. She added me in facebook after we left and went home and talked a lot afterwards.
This was the first time that a person really cared about me and she is just like me. She came to my house and we played some games and had a really good time together. We talked about various things and always had things in common. I started to like her and thought that this is the girl, I actually searched for. Then we met us in a club again and this fucked up everything (I had some serious mental issues at that time but I've tried to hide that from her) and a friend of mine said that she was kissing another guy. I was angry and threw a bottle to the floor. Then she came to me and I said to her, that I really want more with her and that I like a her a bit more. She said that she liked me, too and then we danced together. 15 minutes later, a friend of her approached to her and they started kissing. I just looked at her and I didn't know what to do, I got really aggressive. I went out and shivered. The guy she was kissing looked at me and started laughing I freaked out and screamed at him, that he's an asshole and that he could fuck himself. I went into the club and screamed at her that she could also fuck herself and tugged her out and asked her, why she would do such a thing. She was angry at me because she doesn't have any obligations (she was right about that) and then she tried to leave but I grabbed her and kissed her. I didn't want to fuck up everything and we stayed there till 5am. After we left we messaged and she was really dissapointed that I was so aggressive (I never really get angry, I'm normally the guy that tries to solve that in different ways).
After that everything was going downhill, we didn't talk so much afterwards but she still accepted my apologies. I thought the whole time, that she doesn't like me anymore and when we met in a club, I didn't really try to approach because I had this shit always in my mind.
After some time we went to a festival and had a really good time together. We went home with a train and my mental problems came back and I just left the train without saying anything.
She was so fucking angry at me that she stopped the contact with me and said we can only be "friends" or nothing.
God was that hurting. I asked a friend of her and mine if she really means that or that she's just angry and said that because of her anger. She said that it was probably of that.
A week later, we met again in a club and I made her a comic to show her, how I feel. She still ignored me but put that comic in her bag.
When I went home, she messaged me that this was probably the cutest thing ever and it was okay then. But we don't write that often anymore, she is just sending short messages back and when I ask her, if she wants to do something she's just saying that she has a lot of work to do (she actually has but I know that she still has free time and is meeting other people too).
Two days ago, we were in a train with some friends and she messaged with someone. Her best friend looked and asked her who that is and they started whispering. I don't really know if it was another guy but I assume that because they whispered.
I guess I fucked everything up and don't know what to do anymore, maybe you guys have some advice for me because I don't want to let it end like this. The things I did wasn't really me and I just want her to really know me how I really am. If she still wouldn't like me then, well than it's ok but I don't want her to think that I'm an aggressive asshole that is really shy and didn't even try to seduce her (she said to me that she thought that I'm not really interested).
I hope it's not a tl;dr text
get psychological help. i'm not trying to be mean, but from your behavior and your own admittance to having "serious mental issues" you should really get help. i think you might have some issues with anxiety.
as to your current situation (i read it over, twice) i think you should forget about that girl. you were being incredibly aggressive and it's obvious she doesn't see you the same way, but you completely went out of line.
Thanks for your honesty, I already get some psychological help and I get medicine to calm down.
I guess you're right about that, it just hurts so bad that I couldn't really show my real me.
She asked me, if I could promise her that I would never do this again, I told her that this will never happen again but I guess she still has that in her subconsciousness
Jack, my best advice is to take some time to reflect on your life. Make it an ongoing process. I know where you're coming from, but that sort of behavior is completely self-destructive. Look, I've been where you are. My mom abandoned me when I was thirteen, and she said some very nasty things before she left. As you can imagine, that left me with a lot of anger, confusion, and anxiety. Throughout most of my teen years I had a lot of the same issues that you seem to suffer from: inferiority complexes, trust and abandonment issues (especially with women), and deep anger just below the surface. The scene you described above sounds a lot like something taken from the life of mid-teen BDA, who always felt like a victim.
Thing is, the problems are internal. It's not the rest of the world that's broken, it's you, and it was me. You need to find the sources of your frustrations and recognize their symptoms, so that you can figure out the best way to get them under control.
As I got older, I started to reflect more seriously on why I always felt so bitter and sad. If you did the same, I think you'd be able to recognize that a lot of your frustrations are based on [I]internal[/I] forces, rather than external ones. Once you can fully admit that the problem isn't the people around you, but you yourself, then it becomes easier to quash your anxieties and avoid the kinds of mistakes and behavior you might otherwise perpetrate! It won't happen all at once, but if you practice, things will start turning around for you.
Your life will drastically improve because your outlook has drastically improved. That's what helped me, anyway! Nowadays, I'm a pretty well-rounded dude. Affably Neurotic, instead of Uncomfortably Insecure. If you've got buku chemical imbalances, or something like that, get whatever medication you need. Otherwise, find your inner zen and turn down the volume on the rest of the world every once in a while for a good old fashioned heart-to-heart with yourself. Hell, that's good advice even if you're [I]not[/I] wacky.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37322049]We've only been dating a month, dude! I mean, I dig her and everything, but it's a bit soon to be asking her to move in with me.
[editline]20th August 2012[/editline]
We haven't even had gabigool yet![/QUOTE]
Get her to ask her friends if she knows anyone who needs a roomie?
[QUOTE=Kopimi;37321000]reasons Sunday_Roast ignores every piece of advice ever given to him:
- i wanna bang this dude's girlfriend[/QUOTE]
Yes. Because the first time I ever met her the first thought I had was: I wanna fuck this gal's brains out.
And I totally didn't develop feelings towards her because of how good it is to talk with her, or how empathic she is, or her interests or anything of her traits and quirks.
It was all along about just wanting to bone her.
It's not like if I'd just want to bone someone that I could just go to a club and pick up some random girl with my assets (looks, humor & confidence).
But in all honesty, I have thought about doing it with that girl.
It just never was in my top priority of what I sought in her.
So I'm going to ask her out for coffee sometime this week (as I mentioned earlier in this thread) and then maybe try to hear what she was so upset about on Saturday. Because unlike him I actually listen to her woes.
Right now I'm not actively trying to break them up. I'm just going to try spending more time with her and let her make her mind up. And if she still decides to stay with her current boyfriend then so be it, as it would only be her loss.
And sorry if the beginning of this post came out a bit rude.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37327162]Yes. Because the first time I ever met her the first thought I had was: I wanna fuck this gal's brains out.
And I totally didn't develop feelings towards her because of how good it is to talk with her, or how empathic she is, or her interests or anything of her traits and quirks.
It was all along about just wanting to bone her.
It's not like if I'd just want to bone someone that I could just go to a club and pick up some random girl with my assets (looks, humor & confidence).
But in all honesty, I have thought about doing it with that girl.
It just never was in my top priority of what I sought in her.
So I'm going to ask her out for coffee sometime this week (as I mentioned earlier in this thread) and then maybe try to hear what she was so upset about on Saturday. Because unlike him I actually listen to her woes.
Right now I'm not actively trying to break them up. I'm just going to try spending more time with her and let her make her mind up. And if she still decides to stay with her current boyfriend then so be it, as it would only be her loss.
And sorry if the beginning of this post came out a bit rude.[/QUOTE]
I think you should read the convo back a few pages with MindMuncher if you haven't. Its an alternate perspective on essentially what you are doing. I'm not saying anything by it, simply it might give you a different view. Just good to consider. ([URL]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1160400&p=37296048&viewfull=1#post37296048[/URL])
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