The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
no, relationships always start with "infatuation". it dies off after a while
it's not a bad thing
infatuation is probably the only reason relationships start at all
[QUOTE=wizard`;37707094]If you are worried about whether your advances (to kiss) are going to be rejected then you need to give her lots of time to get out of it.
The process I usually go for is to (be standing up facing her) and lean it a little and take her hand, run your hand over her fingers (while maintaining eye contact).
If she hasn't bailed by then (using the same arm) raise your hand to the side of her face and run your hand from just before the back of her jaw to her chin (if you are a decent amount taller than her this is a good time to tilt her head slightly up at yours) at which point you need to lean in a little closer.
If that is still fine just move in again but if you are still not sure just hover (lips almost touching) for one breath (where hopefully she will lean and actually make first contact) but if she doesn't then you need to man up and do it.
good luck Aetna
[/QUOTE]
Nah, I totally called it. Bitch was just stringing me along. I knew I felt like something just wasn't right. Still, total fucking tease. I texted her asking to hang out, and she says, "We better, I'm wearing the cutest fucking outfit today, it'd be a shame if you didn't see it. ;)" What's up with girls being all manipulative and shit?
[QUOTE=lotusking;37710172]infatuation is probably the only reason relationships start at all[/QUOTE]
How long does it normally last
[QUOTE=areolop;37712106]How long does it normally last[/QUOTE]
Varies, really.
Anything from a few days (once to get to know her/him) to months if you never actually talk to them.
The quicker you get to actually know them, the shorter it lasts I think.
[QUOTE=WastedJamacan;37708393]Army is 9 months, Air Force is 6. Not sure about the Marine Corps or Navy.
And she by no means is hinting at breaking up with me. She's made this clear. But what she is saying is that she doesn't know if she can maintain a relationship with me over this time.
I told her about the debt and finances and such, but her reply was that she would help me pay off my debt, whatever it takes and however long it takes.[/QUOTE]
If you are pretty much guaranteed to deploy at some point, I am of the opinion that you should volunteer, and get it over with at a time of your choosing rather than a time chosen for you.
She's going to have to face 9 months with out you eventually if your deployment is pretty much guaranteed to happen. Might as well make it as easy as you can for her. Spend a lot of time with her before you go. Try to contact her when you can while you're deployed. I know this depends heavily on where you are deployed, which is outside of your control. Regardless your relationship is going to be tested.
Hey guys, had an awesome day today. Was the first day of proper university induction, most of it wasn't too interesting, a lot of talk about things I was already fairly aware of, fairly useful information (stuff like optional events, grade boundaries, deadlines and suchlike) but nothing too exciting.
Then lunch comes round and I look around for someone to talk to. I don't know a single person in the room, so I go over and start up a conversation with this p. cute chinese girl. Her english isn't too brilliant but it turns out we have quite a lot in common in terms of taste, we both like anime and science fiction-y things (she likes the Matrix, which is my favourite film of all time), as well as cats, and despite some issues with communication we were able to keep talking pretty much continuously until she had to go to her induction (hers was after lunch, as supposed to mine which was before).
I got her number too :)
Have GF of 2~ years
promise I won't meet anybody new at college
meet 10/10 girl with the same interests as me, me and my GF are happy, she's happier than me (she's completely obsessed with me, I'm like her life p. much, but I'm feeling a bit different lately)
what dooo I'm tearing myself in half here
[QUOTE=FlashFireSix;37713837]Have GF of 2~ years
promise I won't meet anybody new at college
meet 10/10 girl with the same interests as me, me and my GF are happy, she's happier than me (she's completely obsessed with me, I'm like her life p. much, but I'm feeling a bit different lately)
what dooo I'm tearing myself in half here[/QUOTE]
What I would do, in that situation would stay with the current girl.
Be honest with the girl at your new college, too - don't lead her on.
[QUOTE=FlashFireSix;37713837]Have GF of 2~ years
promise I won't meet anybody new at college
meet 10/10 girl with the same interests as me, me and my GF are happy, she's happier than me (she's completely obsessed with me, I'm like her life p. much, but I'm feeling a bit different lately)
what dooo I'm tearing myself in half here[/QUOTE]
[B]Don't[/B] burn your bridges (with either!). Find out more about this girl, check for any latent issues that could become a problem in the event you were date her instead.
[QUOTE=FlashFireSix;37713837]what dooo I'm tearing myself in half here[/QUOTE]
wow this is basically my biggest fear with my own relationship, thanks for making it worse :v:
if you and gf are happy together and have been for 2 years, why would you even do anything? why does a girl you just met have any significance?
[QUOTE=SataniX;37712231]Varies, really.
Anything from a few days (once to get to know her/him) to months if you never actually talk to them.
The quicker you get to actually know them, the shorter it lasts I think.[/QUOTE]
Ah. I guess thats why this girl is so 'attached' to me then. When we first met we hit it off a lot and then I never really talked to her over the summer until a couple weeks ago
[QUOTE=FlashFireSix;37713837]Have GF of 2~ years
promise I won't meet anybody new at college
meet 10/10 girl with the same interests as me, me and my GF are happy, she's happier than me (she's completely obsessed with me, I'm like her life p. much, but I'm feeling a bit different lately)
what dooo I'm tearing myself in half here[/QUOTE]
I've made this mistake man, don't leave her, whatever you do. It's a temporary infatuation, and merely days after you leave her you're going to spend a lot of time comparing the new girl to your ex, and trust me, that's no fun.
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37713529]Hey guys, had an awesome day today. Was the first day of proper university induction, most of it wasn't too interesting, a lot of talk about things I was already fairly aware of, fairly useful information (stuff like optional events, grade boundaries, deadlines and suchlike) but nothing too exciting.
Then lunch comes round and I look around for someone to talk to. I don't know a single person in the room, so I go over and start up a conversation with this p. cute chinese girl. Her english isn't too brilliant but it turns out we have quite a lot in common in terms of taste, we both like anime and science fiction-y things (she likes the Matrix, which is my favourite film of all time), as well as cats, and despite some issues with communication we were able to keep talking pretty much continuously until she had to go to her induction (hers was after lunch, as supposed to mine which was before).
I got her number too :)[/QUOTE]
sweet man you talked to a girl!!
[QUOTE=SataniX;37712231]Varies, really.
Anything from a few days (once to get to know her/him) to months [b]if you never actually talk to them.[/b]
The quicker you get to actually know them, the shorter it lasts I think.[/QUOTE]
no
it's synonymous with romantic love. it generally lasts anywhere from a few months to a few years. when it wears off is usually when couples start becoming critical of each other and stop viewing each other as highly as they did before.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37715226]sweet man you talked to a girl!![/QUOTE]
Because you always went into a completely new environment on your first day with not a single person you know going there and were instantly brimming with confidence 100% alpha and had 3 girls hanging on your every word by the end of the day
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37715449]no
it's synonymous with romantic love. it generally lasts anywhere from a few months to a few years. when it wears off is usually when couples start becoming critical of each other and stop viewing each other as highly as they did before.[/QUOTE]
its hardly a synonm for romance.... Your description is so childish... It's as if, according to your description a couple can remain in "slumber" for 2 years and then suddenly wake up when day and be bothered by the smallest things because their partners no longer represents anything other than a "custom".
Ironically, that absurd statement is reality for most people....
[editline]18th September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37713925][B]Don't[/B] burn your bridges (with either!). Find out more about this girl, check for any latent issues that could become a problem in the event you were date her instead.[/QUOTE]
I hope you aren't such a shit person in real life. You say... "don't burn bridges" and I'm like, good, good advice and then I realize you meant "be cautious, so you won't end up losing both" as if either one of them is a life support rope in case you lose the ability to have sex or god forbid be alone.
Check for latent issues??? Seriously, this sounds fucking idiotic.
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37715635]Because you always went into a completely new environment on your first day with not a single person you know going there and were instantly brimming with confidence 100% alpha and had 3 girls hanging on your every word by the end of the day[/QUOTE]
There are real people like that, I'm good friends with at least 3 of the bastards.
Got a small problem
Everytime I'm around my friends and the girl I like happens to be there, I kind of just clam up and don't want to be myself or do anything. Whenever we're alone however, all is fine and dandy.
How do I get over this?
[QUOTE=Kingy_ME;37716395]There are real people like that, I'm good friends with at least 3 of the bastards.[/QUOTE]
No doubt, but it's retarded of jo to insult me for it
That's like going into an autism clinic and laughing at the children "lol you'll never make any friends! xD"
[editline]18th September 2012[/editline]
It's good progress for me, and I'm happy about that. I can partially thank this thread for it. Thank you, SFSLAThread.
And Jo, stop being so damn eclectic. I have quite a few female friends to whom I talk regularly. This is completely different, so fuck off.
I am one.
[editline]18th September 2012[/editline]
No I'm not.
wow, calm down JgcxCub
you don't need to take it all quite so personally
[QUOTE=Seith;37715866]its hardly a synonm for romance.... Your description is so childish... It's as if, according to your description a couple can remain in "slumber" for 2 years and then suddenly wake up when day and be bothered by the smallest things because their partners no longer represents anything other than a "custom".
Ironically, that absurd statement is reality for most people....[/QUOTE]
[quote="wikipedia"] Limerence is considered as a cognitive and emotional state of being emotionally attached or even obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings - a near-obsessive form of romantic love.[5]
[...]
According to Tennov, there are at least two types of love: a) limerence, which she describes as (inter alia) "loving attachment"; and b) "loving affection," the bond that exists between an individual and his or her parents and children.[8] She notes however that one form may evolve into the other: 'those whose limerence was replaced by affectional bonding with the same partner might say..."We were very much in love when we married; today we love each other very much"'.[9] The distinction is comparable to that drawn by ethologists 'between the pair-forming and pair-maintaining functions of sexual activity',[3] just as 'the attachment of the attachment theorists is very similar to the emotional reciprocation longed for in Tennov's limerence, and each is linked to sexuality'.[10]
[...]
Tennov estimates, based on both questionnaire and interview data, that the average limerent reaction duration, from the moment of initiation until a feeling of neutrality is reached, is approximately three years. The extremes may be as brief as a few weeks or as long as several decades. When limerence is brief, maximum intensity may not have been attained. Others suggest that 'the biogenetic sourcing of limerence determines its limitation, ordinarily, to a two-year span',[17] that limerence generally lasts between 18 months and three years; but further studies on unrequited limerence have suggested longer durations. In turn, a limerent may only experience a single limerent episode, or may experience "serial" episodes, in which nearly one's entire mature life, from early puberty through late adulthood, can be consumed in successive limerent obsessions. The correlation with dissociative disorders is particularly high among "serial" limerents.[/quote]
[QUOTE=JgcxCub;37715635]Because you always went into a completely new environment on your first day with not a single person you know going there and were instantly brimming with confidence 100% alpha and had 3 girls hanging on your every word by the end of the day[/QUOTE]
yeah dude its called university and its literally the easiest place in the world to make new friends since nobody knows anyone
my ex-girlfriend is begging me to take her back and shes like guilt tripping me
ughh
oh are you actually autistic?
why do people come into this thread and expect everyone to know they have autism??
[editline]18th September 2012[/editline]
[img]http://i.imgur.com/itl1x.png[/img]
all i posted was a joke about you talking to a girl, its really not such a huge deal
[QUOTE=lotusking;37716594]my ex-girlfriend is begging me to take her back and shes like guilt tripping me
ughh[/QUOTE]
nicely tell her to stuff it
[QUOTE=Seith;37715866]
I hope you aren't such a shit person in real life. You say... "don't burn bridges" and I'm like, good, good advice and then I realize you meant "be cautious, so you won't end up losing both" as if either one of them is a life support rope in case you lose the ability to have sex or god forbid be alone.
Check for latent issues??? Seriously, this sounds fucking idiotic.[/QUOTE]
No I mean don't do something you will regret. As in don't lock the other girl out, but don't chuck your current girlfriend away. Bid your time. I'm sorry if I phrased that badly, I meant like uhm... Get to know her a little better, if you don't already. See if you can spot any things that may hint that she has any flaws that may cause difficulty for you in future (and that you won't be able to deal with), like clingyness, being far too stubborn, being manipulative, self-centredness, superficiality... Of course this is partially from experience, but try your best to look out for those.
I'm saying this even if it may seem callous because it's pragmatic in the long run. If you choose one at this stage, you might end losing out to a greater or lesser extent and regretting your decision, and regret is a powerful emotion.
[QUOTE=Nikeos;37714174]wow this is basically my biggest fear with my own relationship, thanks for making it worse :v:
if you and gf are happy together and have been for 2 years, why would you even do anything? why does a girl you just met have any significance?[/QUOTE]
for the last 6 months I've not been happy though, I've debated breaking up but I know she'd do something ridiculous like self harm, or leap off the nearest bridge (I'm not even joking)
I just, fuck the new girl keeps messaging me on facebook and stuff and everything :(
Trust me, if you love your current girl enough you won't find another girl you love more, I'm just in this shitty half and half situation because of myself, no other reason
bah
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37716618][img]http://i.imgur.com/itl1x.png[/img][/QUOTE]
I do not think that means what you think it means.
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