The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
i broke up with him in january. he's literally spent 9 months slandering me online, posting private photos of me in public places, talking shit about me [b]to my friend[/b] because i tried to get in touch with him through a mutual friend so i could return his comic books, and in general just trying to harass me however he can.
[editline]27th September 2012[/editline]
and whatever "relationship" we had was shit. his mentality toward our relationship was that i owed him and that it would be mean of me to leave him even if i wasn't happy in the relationship. i'm a bitch because i got fed up with his lazy ass (almost 21, no driver's license or even permit, unemployed, not in college, no plans of moving out) and broke up with him, not because i did anything wrong.
So my girlfriend is going to delete her facebook in a week, she has this issue with it which I don't pretend to understand
Thing is, apart from that there's phones and skype. We live 2 and a half hours away from each other, and regularly don't see each other for weeks at a time. Facebook is the primary way we communicate and I'm pretty unhappy about it
Is it just me, or is it kind of legitimate to be annoyed that when it's already hard enough to get in touch you end up removing one of the easiest methods for doing so
It could be legitimate, but you'll have to know the reason to why she has an issue with Facebook.
Yeah, I'd say that's a fine reason. Phones can cost money, and it's far easier to Facebook than it is to Skype.
Talked to 'the girl' again.
Ended up fixing for a pasta lunch somewhere next month. Since next two weeks will be our exams we cant really go anywhere.
Wish it was a dinner (cause its more romantic :v:) but yeah a casual lunch would be fine.
I have a very strong feeling that she thinks of me as a close friend.
But lets forget about that now and see what happens in the coming month!
[QUOTE=adam1172;37817357]Talked to 'the girl' again.
Ended up fixing for a pasta lunch somewhere next month. Since next two weeks will be our exams we cant really go anywhere.
Wish it was a dinner (cause its more romantic :v:) but yeah a casual lunch would be fine.
I have a very strong feeling that she thinks of me as a close friend.
But lets forget about that now and see what happens in the coming month![/QUOTE]
well if in the past you haven't spent a lot of time together or weren't close friends then it's pretty safe to say she's into you and you're only coming to the conclusion that she thinks of you as a close friend because you fear rejection which is completely natural just don't let it get the better of you, keep your cool and keep flirting
Kinda want someone to talk to about something, PM if you can spare some time for me.
Hey Ralle; I know you're offline, but if you see this and still need someone to talk to give me a PM!
[QUOTE=Seith;37816642]It could be legitimate, but you'll have to know the reason to why she has an issue with Facebook.[/QUOTE]
I know the issue, and it's happened before and been an issue since I met her (she deleted her facebook the morning after I met her but still insisted on talking to me through text), so I'm confident its not an issue with her not wanting to talk to me
it's just a silly moral thing to do with privacy I think? She's explained it properly, I just don't really understand it all that well
[QUOTE=Aries;37817165]Yeah, I'd say that's a fine reason. Phones can cost money, and it's far easier to Facebook than it is to Skype.[/QUOTE]
We can use skype text chat as she's always online on that when she has a computer, but yeah. I'm not happy about it at all because she's not on her computer til late, so she gets free fb chat and we use that on her phone. Without it, I'm going to have to text her, which is going to cost me money. I'm really not happy about it but I haven't said anything definite. I said i'd go with it, and see how it goes and if I think it's making it a lot harder for us to talk, I'd get upset about it then as opposed to now. Easier that way.e
You think? Seriously, if it bothers you that much I'd sit with her and realize what her big deal with being on facebook is that she has an urge to delete it completely even though it's more comfortable to talk to her through there.
Morals and privacy, this all seems absolutely abstract. She can delete all her friends besides you or just stay completely offline.... There seems more to the issue than meets the eye.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37817669]We can use skype text chat as she's always online on that when she has a computer, but yeah. I'm not happy about it at all because she's not on her computer til late, so she gets free fb chat and we use that on her phone. Without it, I'm going to have to text her, which is going to cost me money. I'm really not happy about it but I haven't said anything definite. I said i'd go with it, and see how it goes and if I think it's making it a lot harder for us to talk, I'd get upset about it then as opposed to now. Easier that way.e[/QUOTE]
Does she feel that it doesn't matter how you communicate, whether it's through Facebook/text/Skype? Because for me there's a lot of different factors to talking to someone on different mediums, and texting is probably the worst.
[editline]27th September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Seith;37817842]You think? Seriously, if it bothers you that much I'd sit with her and realize what her big deal with being on facebook is that she has an urge to delete it completely even though it's more comfortable to talk to her through there.
Morals and privacy, this all seems absolutely abstract. She can delete all her friends besides you or just stay completely offline.... There seems more to the issue than meets the eye.[/QUOTE]
I'm fairly sure it's about the privacy settings, Seith. She can do that, but all of the history is still there. Even if you delete/deactivate it, it's still stored.
[QUOTE=Seith;37817842]You think? Seriously, if it bothers you that much I'd sit with her and realize what her big deal with being on facebook is that she has an urge to delete it completely even though it's more comfortable to talk to her through there.
Morals and privacy, this all seems absolutely abstract. She can delete all her friends besides you or just stay completely offline.... There seems more to the issue than meets the eye.[/QUOTE]
+1, There is no reason ever to delete a facebook, you can detag photos delete friends etc etc. I also think something else is going on. Get digging son!
[QUOTE=Boss;37817857]+1, There is no reason ever to delete a facebook, you can detag photos delete friends etc etc. I also think something else is going on. Get digging son![/QUOTE]
Jesus people, way to jump the gun. There are many reasons you can delete or deactivate your Facebook and they don't include "I don't want to talk to my boyfriend over it even though I've expressly said that I want to talk to him via other things"
She still wants to Skype him, see him, talk to him. Facebook isn't the end of a relationship, and if it ends because he's nervous or some shit it'll be because of people saying distrustful stuff like this.
There is no reason to be fearful. It's [I]Facebook. [/I]It's a minor inconvenience.
Nobody said that, in fact, it didn't even cross my mind. I just found her abstract reasoning to be an insufficient reason as to why [i]she has[/i] to delete facebook.
[QUOTE=Seith;37817842]There seems more to the issue than meets the eye.[/QUOTE]
is what you said. Implying that she has ulterior motives for deleting her Facebook.
I'm saying that doesn't have to be the case. It can just be as it is - because of public sharing and the (valid) privacy concerns of having Facebook, no matter how you set up your profile to be.
I know what I said, and again, it's your own interpretation. People tend to think the worst and evidently you both did assume the worst, as you fear the worst might happen. (either something from your past and/or just killercathupasdfnfsdfjn's own concerns for whatever reason)
[QUOTE=Boss;37817857]+1, There is no reason ever to delete a facebook, you can detag photos delete friends etc etc. I also think something else is going on. Get digging son![/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Seith;37817842]You think? Seriously, if it bothers you that much I'd sit with her and realize what her big deal with being on facebook is that she has an urge to delete it completely even though it's more comfortable to talk to her through there.
Morals and privacy, this all seems absolutely abstract. She can delete all her friends besides you or just stay completely offline.... There seems more to the issue than meets the eye.[/QUOTE]
Okay I don't want to be the guy who gets angry when people post something he doesn't like but what the christ people. There is nothing going on here. She's deleted it before, she has a past with doing so. She still wants to skype, text me, and call me, She still wants to hang out face to face and she's still telling me not to worry about it so much.
My problem is that because she's on her phone so much, and facebook chat is a more viable option than texting, it's going to be way, way harder to communicate with her because she doesn't get home til late most nights. The majority of communication is on public transport, which is why facebook chat is so handy. Going without it makes it a lot harder to talk to her and that's seriously shit, so I'm in need of a way of communicating that is easy, effective, portable and cheap
[QUOTE=Seith;37817978]I know what I said, and again, it's your own interpretation. People tend to think the worst and evidently you both did assume the worst, as you fear the worst might happen. (either something from your past and/or just killercathupasdfnfsdfjn's own concerns for whatever reason)[/QUOTE]
But it was you and the other guy who initially said there was more than meets the eye so you can't really claim that. I never said anything like that nor did I suspect ulterior motives. You were the one who brought that up so you can't really say that
What I'm worried about is a severe drop in the amount that I talk to her, but that's not 'the worst' that could happen. But it's shit anyway.
Starting to get worrisome vibes. I reminded her today about that I never got an answer from her on if she's coming with me and my friends to the bar on Saturday and she said that she still has to think about it.
Although it seems like it's less about the company and more about the location.
Though I was thinking about telling that I have a pretty good plan wrapped up and the sooner she makes her mind up the easier it will be to execute.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818242]Though I was thinking about telling that I have a pretty good plan wrapped up and the sooner she makes her mind up the easier it will be to execute.[/QUOTE]
that's p creepy dude
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37818154]Okay I don't want to be the guy who gets angry when people post something he doesn't like but what the christ people. There is nothing going on here. She's deleted it before, she has a past with doing so. She still wants to skype, text me, and call me, She still wants to hang out face to face and she's still telling me not to worry about it so much.
My problem is that because she's on her phone so much, and facebook chat is a more viable option than texting, it's going to be way, way harder to communicate with her because she doesn't get home til late most nights. The majority of communication is on public transport, which is why facebook chat is so handy. Going without it makes it a lot harder to talk to her and that's seriously shit, so I'm in need of a way of communicating that is easy, effective, portable and cheap
But it was you and the other guy who initially said there was more than meets the eye so you can't really claim that. I never said anything like that nor did I suspect ulterior motives. You were the one who brought that up so you can't really say that
What I'm worried about is a severe drop in the amount that I talk to her, but that's not 'the worst' that could happen. But it's shit anyway.[/QUOTE]
I want you to to take what I am going to say into mind and not as me having a "bigger dick" fight.
So, for someone so nonchalant about his relationship with his girlfriend, you seem dreadfully concerned with how much you talk to her. While wanting to talk to her is natural, I now find your issue with facebook more of an obssesive behaviour rather than an attempt to actually find out why she hates facebook, so you could continue communicating with her easily. In short, your choice of words ("I'm worried"; when in fact there's nothing to worry evidently by you / "[i]but[/i] it's shit anyway) and this line specifically ([i]so I'm confident its not an issue with her not wanting to talk to me[/i], when nobody even remotely stated that.....) makes me wonder whether you are facing something other than a petty facebook issue......
I hope you take this perspective to a positive place.
[QUOTE=Autumn;37818326]that's p creepy dude[/QUOTE]
What I meant was that the whole night could turn upside down if decisions were to be made at the last minute.
Because two times already has it happened that we didn't plan ahead and then it had gone awry.
~everything I do is creepy it seems~
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818242]Starting to get worrisome vibes. I reminded her today about that I never got an answer from her on if she's coming with me and my friends to the bar on Saturday and she said that she still has to think about it.
Although it seems like it's less about the company and more about the location.
Though I was thinking about telling that I have a pretty good plan wrapped up and the sooner she makes her mind up the easier it will be to execute.[/QUOTE]
Ah dunno, sounds like she might not be interested.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818446]What I meant was that the whole night could turn upside down if decisions were to be made at the last minute.
Because two times already has it happened that we didn't plan ahead and then it had gone awry.
~everything I do is creepy it seems~[/QUOTE]
Karaoke bar eh? Try not to bug her too much about it, you dont want to seem desperate.
You might planning the whole thing a bit too much, it's for saturday night. Y'dont want to be too formal.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818446]What I meant was that the whole night could turn upside down if decisions were to be made at the last minute.
Because two times already has it happened that we didn't plan ahead and then it had gone awry.
~everything I do is creepy it seems~[/QUOTE]
you know that a lot of people say that the best nights are the ones that just happen, and not the ones that are meticulously planned to every last detail.
the more you plan, the more it may seem like it's going to go well, but as soon as something doesn't quite go as you'd anticipated then the rest of the night can fall on it's arse. if you want to take her to a karaoke bar then do it. but don't plan it in any more depth than that. and yeah, sorry, but a lot of the things you say do come across as creepy.
Not gonna bug her about it today anymore, just gonna ask her if she'd be interested in seeing me during a break tomorrow as I'll be going to school.
Then perhaps tell her what I had in mind which would be: meet up>hang out>friends place>bar>home.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818242]Starting to get worrisome vibes. I reminded her today about that I never got an answer from her on if she's coming with me and my friends to the bar on Saturday and she said that she still has to think about it.
Although it seems like it's less about the company and more about the location.
Though I was thinking about telling that I have a pretty good plan wrapped up and the sooner she makes her mind up the easier it will be to execute.[/QUOTE]
QUIT MAKING LITTLE SCHEMES
its weird and creepy
[editline]27th September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818446]
~everything I do is creepy it seems~[/QUOTE]
wow i wonder why
its because you are a creep
[QUOTE=Autumn;37818696]you know that a lot of people say that the best nights are the ones that just happen, and not the ones that are meticulously planned to every last detail.
the more you plan, the more it may seem like it's going to go well, but as soon as something doesn't quite go as you'd anticipated then the rest of the night can fall on it's arse. if you want to take her to a karaoke bar then do it. but don't plan it in any more depth than that. and yeah, sorry, but a lot of the things you say do come across as creepy.[/QUOTE]
From personal experience I can say that the nights that have had a faint touch of planning to them have gone way better then the ones that really haven't.
As in those nights that have had a couple of days of thought ahead have gone well as those nights with a days pre-notice or none have gone down the shitter.
Everything can be made enjoyable with the right approach and leverage.... Is planning somewhat usually related to going somewhere / buying and/or using money?
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;37818784]From personal experience I can say that the nights that have had a faint touch of planning to them have gone way better then the ones that really haven't.[/QUOTE]
a faint touch, yes
"a pretty good plan wrapped up and the sooner she makes her mind up the easier it will be to execute" is not faint.
Kay, it was pretty horribly worded I give you that.
My plan was that I'd meet her at the city, we'd go for a coffee or something and perhaps to buy drinks to have before going to the bar, jump in the bus and head for my friends place, get started with the drinking and then head towards the bar.
It could be less intricate, but the thing is that she doesn't live in the same city as I do, it's not a horrible distance though, pretty much the same way I travel to school.
and that's fine, that may well be your plan, but you do not need to tell her every detail of it.
invite her for the coffee in town, and mention you'll be heading over to your friends before the bar later on. you don't need to tell her "and then we will do this, and then we will go here and do this, and then we'll go here". she doesn't need to know all the details, and you telling her them makes it seem really planned, OTT and creepy. if she wants to know what happens between the coffee and going to your friends then tell her, by all means, but don't shove it in her face like you currently are.
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