The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826741]And then nobody wants anything to do with me because I'm unhappy. [/QUOTE]
and you're sure they don't wanna be with you because you're unhappy?
look, people can be unhappy and still have friends. what you need to do - for your own sake - is stop being so outwardly negative towards everything
stop bitching about yourself, stop going into throes of anger and depression when you see a happy couple, and most importantly, [I]stop assuming that everyone hates you because if you do they will[/I]
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826562]What's the worst that can happen? A girl that's as mentally and emotionally fucked up and broken as I am.[/QUOTE]
Dude seriously how old are you
Stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself because that's probably what is turning girls off
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826741]I'm unhappy because I see way too fucking many happy couples and I want it too badly for myself. And then nobody wants anything to do with me because I'm unhappy. It's a terrible cycle that can't be broken.[/QUOTE]
oh ya i was going to edit my post but my computer crashed:
stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself
does it get you anywhere you want to be?
no?
so stop doing it
there is no 'terrible cycle' you're orchestrating the entire downward spiral that is your stupid depression issue
honestly just give it up what the fuck do you hope to gain from being so miserable all the time
(and dont tell me its not something you're doing because you're a human being with controllable emotions. if i can hold my urge to swear due to anger for years at a time then you can hold your urge to not feel like shit)
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826562]What's the worst that can happen? A girl that's as mentally and emotionally fucked up and broken as I am.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826741]I'm unhappy because I see way too fucking many happy couples and I want it too badly for myself. And then nobody wants anything to do with me because I'm unhappy. It's a terrible cycle that can't be broken.[/QUOTE]
stonem v2 now with upgraded self-pity capacitors
"im a lost cause.. im just too dark and mysterious and broken for these beautiful but unaware women to accept me.. it is a never ending cycle of lust and regret.."
seriously either man up and be an adult or stop posting, nobody really wants to hear your self-loathing sob story. women don't want to be anywhere near you because you're gloomy, act like a victim and are an overall selfish person with no real positive traits to share with another person. ask yourself why anyone would want to be with you, then instead of moping about it like you have no control over your personality and attitude, change yourself and work on slowly improving your attitude.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37826843]Dude seriously how old are you
[/QUOTE]
18, just started university a month ago.
I took a good look at myself in the mirror, and realized that I've really lost my edge, physically! This time last year, I was in the best shape of my life, but now I'm soft all over. Kinda snuck up on me, it did! I guess it's time to get back to business. I wish I had access to a proper gym, but I've got to make do with what I have available. With a jump rope, an ab wheel, and some resistance bands, combined with a proper diet, I think I should be able to get back in my own good graces.
Blech. It feels bad to look bad, and looking bad and feeling bad hurt your romantic chances! I don't have my eye on anybody right now, but it's better to be ready to woo when the wooing time comes, if you ask me.
I realize now I can actually easily fix this. I'm unhappy because I choose to be unhappy when I have no real reason to be unhappy. Instead I can wake up tomorrow and make an active decision to be happy. If I act happy enough, it will eventually become my default mood.
[editline]27th September 2012[/editline]
Plus I've seen plenty of not that great looking guys with really attractive girls, so I'm sure I can do just as good.
part of it probably has to do with your lifestyle honestly. a huge part of "default mood" (hedonic treadmill) is your diet, sleep schedule, level of physical activity etc
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826928]18, just started university a month ago.[/QUOTE]
You're way too old for this. And are you fucking serious? You've been in university for [I]four weeks.[/I] A month. Why do you think you're suddenly going to end up as some sort of social butterfly? Even if you had met a girl in the first week trust me, you wouldn't be with her by the fourth. You haven't been at university long enough to be sad about it. Why don't you spend that time making more friends and partying instead, it's university dude. Start having fun with it.
Seriously it's like you expect things to go super well for you just because you want them to, really really badly - and you're getting depressed because you keep expecting more of yourself then you're capable of giving.
The ultimate contradiction in relationships and one of the main roads to success is the realisation there people who don't care about relationships, or don't want relationships at all, are about 100% more likely to end up in one. You care too much and are coming across as desperate which is probably the source of all your troubles.
Stop caring so much. Stop being so sad about your life when there is probably absolutely NOTHING wrong with it - because not having a girl in it is not a big problem with your life right now.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37826928]1I realize now I can actually easily fix this. I'm unhappy because I choose to be unhappy when I have no real reason to be unhappy. Instead I can wake up tomorrow and make an active decision to be happy. If I act happy enough, it will eventually become my default mood.[/QUOTE]
goddammit you had an epiphany while i was thinking about my super long post
but yeah you've only been at university four weeks, cheer up dude university is a LOT of fun
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37827053]You're way too old for this. And are you fucking serious? You've been in university for [I]four weeks.[/I] A month. Why do you think you're suddenly going to end up as some sort of social butterfly? Even if you had met a girl in the first week trust me, you wouldn't be with her by the fourth. You haven't been at university long enough to be sad about it. Why don't you spend that time making more friends and partying instead, it's university dude. Start having fun with it.
Seriously it's like you expect things to go super well for you just because you want them to, really really badly - and you're getting depressed because you keep expecting more of yourself then you're capable of giving.
The ultimate contradiction in relationships and one of the main roads to success is the realisation there people who don't care about relationships, or don't want relationships at all, are about 100% more likely to end up in one. You care too much and are coming across as desperate which is probably the source of all your troubles.
Stop caring so much. Stop being so sad about your life when there is probably absolutely NOTHING wrong with it - because not having a girl in it is not a big problem with your life right now.[/QUOTE]
I do personally know guys who have gotten girlfriends already. They must be an exception to what's normal then.
Hey man, I spend a lot of time being unhappy. It's usually because I don't know I'm unhappy; depression is sneaky like that. Once you recognize that you're unhappy, though, you can find [I]why[/I] you're unhappy, and from there it's just a matter of solving the cause.
I've been in a deep blue funk ever since I broke up with my last lady, and I'm starting to realize it's because I'm very lonely. I've felt alone for most of my life, and it gets me in a state of proper mopery to pine away on all the could-have-beens and never-quite-weres. Self-pity never helped anything though, so I try not to fall into that trap! I recognize that I've got to reach out towards greener pastures and whatnot, and that a big part of that is improving my own self-image, and to drop the notion that happiness comes from external sources.
I'm saying this, because you've obviously got a pretty rotten self-image, and you expect more of yourself than you're getting. Nobody can fix that but you, so this "never-ending cycle of despair" is resting squarely on your own shoulders. All you gotta do is shrug, mate.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;37827177]Hey man, I spend a lot of time being unhappy. It's usually because I don't know I'm unhappy; depression is sneaky like that. Once you recognize that you're unhappy, though, you can find [I]why[/I] you're unhappy, and from there it's just a matter of solving the cause.
I've been in a deep blue funk ever since I broke up with my last lady, and I'm starting to realize it's because I'm very lonely. I've felt alone for most of my life, and it gets me in a state of proper mopery to pine away on all the could-have-beens and never-quite-weres. Self-pity never helped anything though, so I try not to fall into that trap! I recognize that I've got to reach out towards greener pastures and whatnot, and that a big part of that is improving my own self-image.
I'm saying this, because you've obviously got a pretty rotten self-image. Nobody can fix that but you, so this "never-ending cycle of despair" is resting squarely on your own shoulders. All you gotta do is shrug, mate.[/QUOTE]
Damn it I really wish I could use imagery in my words as naturally as you do. It's a good skill - take it somewhere.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37827155]I do personally know guys who have gotten girlfriends already. They must be an exception to what's normal then.[/QUOTE]
That's really fucking weird. After 4 weeks of uni, which means 4 weeks of knowing someone, you shouldn't know them well enough to jump into a relationship like that. Definitely exceptions!
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37827255]That's really fucking weird. After 4 weeks of uni, which means 4 weeks of knowing someone, you shouldn't know them well enough to jump into a relationship like that. Definitely exceptions![/QUOTE]
I now feel a lot less bad about myself. One guy I know started dating his girlfriend on the second week and that's kind of what fucked me up. I was doing pretty good until then but then I saw that and I got discouraged. Now that I know it's abnormal I feel better.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37827255]That's really fucking weird. After 4 weeks of uni, which means 4 weeks of knowing someone, you shouldn't know them well enough to jump into a relationship like that. Definitely exceptions![/QUOTE]
I think if you've dated someone for a month, seen them a fair bit, presumably slept together, it isn't that weird to be in a relationship with them.
So maybe I was wrong to say most of the girls who want to date already are dating. Unless they're someone who wants to date as many guys as possible, but that's not the kind of girl I want.
[QUOTE=Mlisen14;37827305]I think if you've dated someone for a month, seen them a fair bit, presumably slept together, it isn't that weird to be in a relationship with them.[/QUOTE]
It's not about having dated someone for a month, it's about having only met them in a month
like yes I'd go on dates with them and stuff for a month and maybe sleep with them depending on circumstance, but I wouldn't go around calling us boyfriend and girlfriend after only 4 weeks. That's rushing it a fair bit - especially so seeing as his friend did it after 2 weeks.
Like there's a difference between dating and being in a relationship and one of the factors I think measures into that is time. Being in a full on relationship after only two weeks is weird to me. You don't know them well enough.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37827308]So maybe I was wrong to say most of the girls who want to date already are dating.[/QUOTE]
Ha, I know the feeling! I live in a small town and don't get to meet new people very often, so it gets to feeling like I've explored all my options pretty quickly! I'm a passionate dude who loves to love, and I've got a pretty particular type, so it gets a bit frustrating sometimes. Sounds like we share some of the same shortcomings, you and I. Just quit worrying about it, though. I find that it's right around the time I stop worrying so much about meeting a new girl that I actually do, or maybe it just makes the intermissions seem faster?
[editline]27th September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37827338]It's not about having dated someone for a month, it's about having only met them in a month
like yes I'd go on dates with them and stuff for a month and maybe sleep with them depending on circumstance, but I wouldn't go around calling us boyfriend and girlfriend after only 4 weeks. That's rushing it a fair bit - especially so seeing as his friend did it after 2 weeks.
Like there's a difference between dating and being in a relationship and one of the factors I think measures into that is time. Being in a full on relationship after only two weeks is weird to me. You don't know them well enough.[/QUOTE]
I've usually got to reel myself in when it comes to dating. I'll spend a couple weeks with my toe in the water, but when I'm comfortable with the temperature I jump right in. I try to keep things low-pressure, but I assume an "open book" position on things, and ask the same. It's not like I'm dropping "I love you's" at a month, but that's about the time I'm ready to commit to a bona fide relationship, with the give-and-take dynamic you'd expect from one.
I actually think tomorrow morning instead of going to my 9:00 class at 8:59, I'll go earlier so I can actually talk to someone. I don't know anyone in that class, or any of my classes for that matter.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37827308]So maybe I was wrong to say most of the girls who want to date already are dating. Unless they're someone who wants to date as many guys as possible, but that's not the kind of girl I want.[/QUOTE]
Here's the way I look at it. It's worked pretty well for me so far so yeah.
Being single gives you a lot of opportunity and a lot of time to appreciate yourself and the world, without having to worry about honing in on the girl. When you enter into a relationship, you lose an aspect of that. In fact, many highlight the positives of being in a relationship, but totally forget that a relationship has many negatives as well, until they suffer through a breakup and suddenly come to the realisation that being single is actually pretty great. For me, being in a relationship is sort of similar to making a sacrifice in that respect. And like any sacrifice that you make in your life, you don't do it without thinking.
In this case, you should get into a relationship because the person is so great, that you're willing to get into a relationship, instead of taking the mindset that a relationship would be so great that this person seems like she might be good enough. A person has to suit you enough to warrant losing what you have by being single.
I think that society has this problem now where people fetishise the idea of a relationship to the point of absurdity. It's the media, peer pressure and a whole bag of other nasties besides. The idea of being alone, and unmarried after the age of 30 is for some, like having your whole life signed away to become a member at the reject's VIP club - but why should it be? In fact, considering that marriages rarely last these days, you'd think we'd have gotten used to the idea of being alone.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37827516]I actually think tomorrow morning instead of going to my 9:00 class at 8:59, I'll go earlier so I can actually talk to someone. I don't know anyone in that class, or any of my classes for that matter.[/QUOTE]
ah yes this is the key 60 seconds during which longlasting friendships are made
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37827710]ah yes this is the key 60 seconds during which longlasting friendships are made[/QUOTE]
he means not going just a minute before the class starts and going earlier than that
why the fuck did he put a comma there
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37827516]I actually think tomorrow morning instead of going to my 9:00 class at 8:59, I'll go earlier so I can actually talk to someone. I don't know anyone in that class, or any of my classes for that matter.[/QUOTE]
i'm guessing most people think you don't want to talk to them. generally when someone acts cold and only comes to class a minute before it starts i get the impression they don't want to talk to anyone.
impressions, especially the first ones, matter.
Taepodong is actually lightening up? Damn son I'm proud. By the way, if you want to cheer up and raise your 'attraction factor', I really do suggest exercising. I'm sure you know this, but exercising releases endorphins, that stuff that makes you happy. You really have to exercise, though, not like "Oh I'll do a thirty minute jog...". Look up Stronglifts 5x5, all you need is a barbell and a few weights.
Unrelated, the hell do you do when a friend of yours starts sexting you? Like it's not particularly serious at all, but a friend of mine texted me at half past eleven last night with the basic premise of "I'm just really lonely in my room right now". Now I'm not really a pervy guy (okay fine fuck you, I don't let anyone know about it, because I'm so [i]~mysterious~[/i]) but I do enjoy joking around with this girl since we both know we're not serious - I think. Long story short, she said she was lonely in bed (awkward because she's dating, and I know, that should have immediately meant stop but we're almost never serious), and we ended up staying up till like half past one in the morning sexting in a non-serious manner. I think. Oh fuck. shit. At least I ended it early, right?
shit. I didn't even start it though!
edit:
I feel like I should note that I don't think about my friends, including her, in a sexual way. Hell, I didn't even chub when all that happened.
Oh yeah a little something about yesterday.
So spent a good day talking to 'the girl' for like 3 hours.
There was one part where she said something which made me smile, than she started squirming abit because I smiled at her. Then I gave a little laugh (cause the sight is just too cute not to). Then she squirms more going "awww, why did you laugh at me?" in that super-cute-low-volume-music-to-your-ears tone. I kinda lost it at that point and totally went to "You are so super cute when you do that." She only replied "Ohh" before giving a long stare out the door.
Fuck, I want to live rest of my life with her.
So last year, I deferred university for a year and decided to take up working and have myself a bit of a gap year. Now the time has come to get the ball rolling again on the whole shebang, so I can finally go back to uni next year and study computer science!
Today I tried logging onto the website. It said no. I looked up all avenues of trying to fix this problem with my logon, and found nothing. In desperation, I decided to have a review of my confirmation form for my deferment.
"I am pleased to advise that your request to defer commencement of your degree to Semester 2 2012 at UNSW has been approved."
"Please note that if you do not accept your offer by Friday 15 June 2012, your place will be offered to another applicant."
I mean it was in big bold letters so I probably should have seen that, but now my place has been offered to another applicant. Whoops. Guess I'll just reapply through the national university admissions centre and send them an email asking if there's anything I can do.
What the fuck is computer science?
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37830632]So last year, I deferred university for a year and decided to take up working and have myself a bit of a gap year. Now the time has come to get the ball rolling again on the whole shebang, so I can finally go back to uni next year and study computer science!
Today I tried logging onto the website. It said no. I looked up all avenues of trying to fix this problem with my logon, and found nothing. In desperation, I decided to have a review of my confirmation form for my deferment.
"I am pleased to advise that your request to defer commencement of your degree to Semester 2 2012 at UNSW has been approved."
"Please note that if you do not accept your offer by Friday 15 June 2012, your place will be offered to another applicant."
I mean it was in big bold letters so I probably should have seen that, but now my place has been offered to another applicant. Whoops. Guess I'll just reapply through the national university admissions centre and send them an email asking if there's anything I can do.[/QUOTE]
If it's anything like the system in Canada you're pretty screwed.
So I chatted with the girl today and I didn't even have to mention the bar night tomorrow before she started asking me if I have stage fright.
Then after leaving school I had the fortune of meeting her at the mall. She really wants to see me sing.
Getting hugged was also nice.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;37830632]So last year, I deferred university for a year and decided to take up working and have myself a bit of a gap year. Now the time has come to get the ball rolling again on the whole shebang, so I can finally go back to uni next year and study computer science!
Today I tried logging onto the website. It said no. I looked up all avenues of trying to fix this problem with my logon, and found nothing. In desperation, I decided to have a review of my confirmation form for my deferment.
"I am pleased to advise that your request to defer commencement of your degree to Semester 2 2012 at UNSW has been approved."
"Please note that if you do not accept your offer by Friday 15 June 2012, your place will be offered to another applicant."
I mean it was in big bold letters so I probably should have seen that, but now my place has been offered to another applicant. Whoops. Guess I'll just reapply through the national university admissions centre and send them an email asking if there's anything I can do.[/QUOTE]
tell them you were trying to apply for the 2013 fall semester and see if that helps
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