The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37978617]It's because one day I was in a really shit mood and made a super autistic post and now they all think I'm a creepy super autist.[/QUOTE]
I know, I was here and read it also. But again with that I think most posts were a bit preempive.
It honesly seemed to me simple an over dramatized angsty teen post.
Explaining feelings, because honestly I can remember a time when it felt like happy couples were spiting me, I knew they werent but that didnt really stop that.
As he said already he has improved that, been working on his moods and taking slow steady steps to not being a creeper.
So i just feel like interpreting all his posts the worst way possible always and making posts like stop being a creepy sperg when he wants to share a mild achievement,
Just shooting him down constantly isnt really gonna help either. Hell just stop posting eventually because no one really seems to listen at all.
Anyway my two cents, I wont argue it furthur cause maybe im just biased and wrong, i dunno, but typing this all on my phone is a royal pain in the ass
My god, this is the friendly social advice thread and all we're doing is bashing someone who has difficulty in social situations? That's not helping, in fact that's probably the type of stuff that inspires school shootings. It sounds like he's really making progress with becoming a member of society, why can't we just encourage that instead of continually bring up his past?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;37978654]Like I said, you guys don't know me, you only see what I post on the internet. You can't make a proper judgement.[/QUOTE]
From your intentions, i can paint a pretty good picture in my head.
But you're intentions are all that really matter, as Guy Mannly stated above.
Your thought pattern/logic behind all of this is twisted, skewed and at times could be said to be the thought pattern of someone who is paranoid "they're making out to make me mad" incident for example.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;37978699]From your intentions, i can paint a pretty good picture in my head.
But you're intentions are all that really matter, as Guy Mannly stated above.
Your thought pattern/logic behind all of this is twisted, skewed and at times could be said to be the thought pattern of someone who is paranoid "they're making out to make me mad" incident for example.[/QUOTE]
He already said it was a bad day and that he realizes it wasn't the right way to look at things, why is it relevant anymore? That's like saying I'm never going to be a functional member of society because I once took everything that happened around me as an insult to myself rather than considering all the possibilities and their likeliness.
[QUOTE=and;37978715]He already said it was a bad day and that he realizes it wasn't the right way to look at things, why is it relevant anymore?[/QUOTE]
Bad day or not, it's pretty fucked up.
He decided it wasn't the right way to look at things, after 20+ people in this thread spent days going back and forward explaining the skewed logic he possessed in that situation.
i don't personally care if he wants to share mild achievements, it's more the comments like "i stopped stalking her because i realized it's less successful" that i'm criticizing
not to mention the fact that he just posted to insult someone else for being autistic and then insulted everyone else when we pointed out that stalking is bad
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;37978748]Bad day or not, it's pretty fucked up.
He decided it wasn't the right way to look at things, after 20+ people in this thread spent days going back and forward explaining the skewed logic he possessed in that situation.[/QUOTE]
I can honestly say I've personally done (not just thought) things 10 times more fucked in my childhood before I had a good understanding of how the world worked, things that would make anyone (including my present self) absolutely sick. I now have no problem having a casual conversation with anyone in any situation, because I've learned, and as long as that learning is happening and encouraged, progress will be made and people can change.
[QUOTE=and;37978779]I can honestly say I've personally done (not just thought) things 10 times more fucked in my childhood before I had a good understanding of how the world worked, things that would make anyone (including my present self) absolutely sick. I now have no problem having a casual with anyone in any situation, because I've learned, and as long as that learning is happening and encouraged, progress will be made and people can change.[/QUOTE]
Acting up as a child is different as acting up as a adult in college, who stalks girls.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37978768]i don't personally care if he wants to share mild achievements, it's more the comments like "i stopped stalking her because i realized it's less successful" that i'm criticizing
not to mention the fact that he just posted to insult someone else for being autistic and then insulted everyone else when we pointed out that stalking is bad[/QUOTE]
Don't be pretentious, people were repeatedly posting pictures for the sake of nothing more than to mock him. If you weren't the most attractive person around and we started doing that to you, you're saying you won't be the least bit upset?
[editline]9th October 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;37978793]Acting up as a child is different as acting up as a adult in college, who stalks girls.[/QUOTE]
We all mature socially at different rates, but it doesn't mean there's a cutoff age where it's impossible to continue learning.
except tae has already stated several times that he doesn't understand our logic when we try to tell him why what he's doing is wrong
here's how i see it:
he has constantly asked questions about how to behave normally, suggesting that he's only imitating what others have told him is "normal". most of the concerns he's expressed in his posts (ie worrying that he'll seem too stalkerish) have to do with his fear of the girls he's interested in seeing through his actions and recognizing his actual intentions.
[QUOTE=and;37978803]
We all mature socially at different rates, but it doesn't mean there's a cutoff age where it's impossible to continue learning.[/QUOTE]
This is true, but by college you should be able to walk past a couple and not get angry, and not stalk girls. If you're that far behind, you need professional help.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;37978844]except tae has already stated several times that he doesn't understand our logic when we try to tell him why what he's doing is wrong
here's how i see it:
he has constantly asked questions about how to behave normally, suggesting that he's only imitating what others have told him is "normal". most of the concerns he's expressed in his posts (ie worrying that he'll seem too stalkerish) have to do with his fear of the girls he's interested in seeing through his actions and recognizing his actual intentions.[/QUOTE]
So do a better job of explaining the typical progression of things and why it works the way it does, don't call him out on his inexperience. I agree that there is some funny stuff going on, but that doesn't mean it can't be worked out. The way he described things, as scary as it may initially sound, is actually quite natural; guys DO really want to find a girl who will accept, love, and appreciate them, mentally and physically. While the wording is crass, the psychology isn't far off-base, if at all. It's not like he's trying to get girls to trust him long enough for him to them to an alley and rape them, he's trying to figure out how to naturally establish a connection.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;37978848]This is true, but by college you should be able to walk past a couple and not get angry, and not stalk girls. If you're that far behind, you need professional help.[/QUOTE]
I wasn't much more socially intelligent than that when I started college, but I eventually caught up by spending a little extra time studying the details of interaction and their social and cultural aspects.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;37978943]wow wtf are people actually socially behind? i figured everyone had some social contact in their younger years[/QUOTE]
Do you really think everyone had the same childhood you did?
[QUOTE=Yahnich;37978961]i just can't fathom the idea of going through life without social interaction[/QUOTE]
I infact did have social interaction when I was younger, as in a child. When I was a younger teenager I pretty much avoided interaction except outside of my small group of friends because nobody appreciated nerds and I only just started going back to being social again in 12th grade, which was a year ago, when I decided that not all people are the people who were dicks to me from junior high on.
look tae we're supposed to be like your friends
friends will mock you, make fun of you, and get pissed off when you say something wrong
but you gotta reciprocate, let us know you respect us and listen to us
in turn you can mock and make fun of us, this is what friends do and that's the essence of a friendly chat forum
of course we don't know you, that's what makes it easy to make fun of you. i'm sure you have tons of positive traits, but you wouldn't be posting in this thread if you didn't want to hear sharp criticism.
so just chill out bro and wait till seith posts so we can gang up on him
guess what, people appreciate nerds, especially other nerds
there are so many nerds out there with tons of friends because being social has nothing to do with your nerdy hobbies or interests
[editline]10th October 2012[/editline]
ok i need some advice
last friday this girl calls at like 3 am really drunk and wanted to come over, but in fact she was so drunk that she just fell asleep on my bed
at like 8 am we both wake up and she's like "omg holy shit what happened last night??" and i assured her we did not bang, and then she left
we were p good friends before this so i dont know whether we are still friends or if its awkward between us or something? im gonna try to act normal and not awkward but i dont really know what she feels like and help me
Alright, so some girl asked me to her homecoming. We've been friends since childhood, and it has only been until recently that she has started expressing interest in me.
At the dance, she did things like initiating slow dances, stroking my arm various times, and having those stereotypical quick-run-to-the-bathroom-to-talk-with-her-girlfriends-about-me talks. Things went really well, at least I think.
Well, things got a little awkward at the end when her friends started occasionally pulling her away from our slow dances to her complaint. She even wanted to show me what she called her "alone spot" when she hung out after school in the theater closet where she wanted me to hang out with her a bit during the dance, but her friends would not leave us alone. The problem is that she's too introverted to actually protest much, and although visibly annoyed, didn't do anything. I was too beta to really scold her friends, which I regret.
Afterward, she doesn't text me, and doesn't respond to my texts except the occasional vauge answer with a bunch of periods ("kinda...", "not really...", etc.). Now, she immediately goes offline when I sign into my chat and hasn't responded to my latest text message. I'm making an effort not to be really smothering or obsessive, keeping communication the same as or even less than before the dance.
What happened?
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37979119]
ok i need some advice
last friday this girl calls at like 3 am really drunk and wanted to come over, but in fact she was so drunk that she just fell asleep on my bed
at like 8 am we both wake up and she's like "omg holy shit what happened last night??" and i assured her we did not bang, and then she left
we were p good friends before this so i dont know whether we are still friends or if its awkward between us or something? im gonna try to act normal and not awkward but i dont really know what she feels like and help me[/QUOTE]
i think that girl might have a serious problem
[QUOTE=and;37978927]So do a better job of explaining the typical progression of things and why it works the way it does, don't call him out on his inexperience. I agree that there is some funny stuff going on, but that doesn't mean it can't be worked out. The way he described things, as scary as it may initially sound, is actually quite natural; guys DO really want to find a girl who will accept, love, and appreciate them, mentally and physically. While the wording is crass, the psychology isn't far off-base, if at all. It's not like he's trying to get girls to trust him long enough for him to them to an alley and rape them, he's trying to figure out how to naturally establish a connection.[/QUOTE]
while i can see where you're coming from, communication problems and social deprivation have little to do with the fact that he shows an enormous lack of empathy in his posts. there's only so much we can do for him and he needs professional help.
[QUOTE=Chezhead;37979158]Alright, so some girl asked me to her homecoming. She did things like initiating slow dances, stroking my arm during random times, and having those stereotypical quick-run-to-the-bathroom-to-talk-with-her-girlfriends-about-me talks. Things went really well.
Afterward, she doesn't text me, and doesn't respond to my texts except the occasional vauge answer with a bunch of periods ("kinda...", "not really...", etc.). Now, she immediately goes offline when I sign into my chat. I'm making an effort not to be really smothering or obsessive, keeping communication the same as or even less than before the dance.
What happened?[/QUOTE]
did you even seem vaguely interested in her at the dance?
the way you say you're trying to not be smothering makes it seem like you did that thing where you pretend to be totally uninterested in everything she's doing in order to seem nonchalant, when really you're just pushing her away
but im just guessing here, either way you fucked something up
[QUOTE=Yahnich;37978961]i just can't fathom the idea of going through life without social interaction[/QUOTE]
Well then, I can offer a glimpse. Since the best place to start is the beginning, my first good friend, which I had from ages 2-7, was also the quiet type like myself, so we got along with each other great, but not so much with anyone else because we just sucked at fitting in with the rest. For example, I remember once asking a girl I liked if she loved me back, and she intelligently (for a 2nd grader) replied she loved me as a friend. Since that wasn't what I was looking for, I actually told on her to the teacher for not loving me. I have no clue what the response was, probably also because it wasn't what I was looking for. The friend and I played N64 and such like bros, until I moved out the summer I turned 8.
Moving into a new district, especially a more academically advanced one, was stressful enough, not to mention my cultural ineptness. There were the neighbors, who had a kid my age who I was friends with, although we never associated super well. Within a couple years we got into some sort of argument that only 10 year olds could argue over and ended with him chucking stones at me, so we ceased contact after and I haven't hung out with him at all since, 10 years later. The only person who seemed interested in getting to know me in class, Sean, quickly found himself in a position of regret after I didn't shut up about how I thought he should be called "seen." My next significant social interaction didn't happen until I was 13, when I met Chris. Once again, we were both rather quiet and introverted and bonded after both being made fun of by the same douchebags. He was also into games, so after I discovered Garry's Mod during 8th grade winter break, I introduced him and we played and scripted for a while, which was followed by me taking a great interest in video games and computers, ultimately leading to my decision to choose a career in network security.
We never had any classes together in high school, so we kind of drifted apart. I continued to be an awkward, silent nerd all throughout high school, never making anything more than acquaintances with class partners. This position was maintained with routine episodes of stupid moments, ensuring nobody wanted to really learn who I was as the popular kids commanded control of attention, both from students and staff. While this cycle still occasionally shows itself today in my junior year of college, I'm transitioning into a more social and interactive person, hoping to someday prove interesting enough to find a girl.
[QUOTE=thisispain;37979167]i think that girl might have a serious problem[/QUOTE]
do you mean a serious drinking problem?
as much as i think drinking like this is dumb, it [i]is[/i] university on a friday night
its sorta excusable
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37979119]guess what, people appreciate nerds, especially other nerds
there are so many nerds out there with tons of friends because being social has nothing to do with your nerdy hobbies or interests
[editline]10th October 2012[/editline]
ok i need some advice
last friday this girl calls at like 3 am really drunk and wanted to come over, but in fact she was so drunk that she just fell asleep on my bed
at like 8 am we both wake up and she's like "omg holy shit what happened last night??" and i assured her we did not bang, and then she left
we were p good friends before this so i dont know whether we are still friends or if its awkward between us or something? im gonna try to act normal and not awkward but i dont really know what she feels like and help me[/QUOTE]
You should be even better friends after that. What you did was good-friend tier stuff. The only problem that should arise here is if she has feelings for you and thought you completely rejected her most unsubtle advances.
I wouldn't think you'd need to have a talk about it, let alone act awkward.
no she didnt really instantly fall asleep, we were talking for a bit because she had to whine about this guy she met and got drunk with who ditched her
and then we were sorta talking and then she fell asleep
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37979198]did you even seem vaguely interested in her at the dance?
the way you say you're trying to not be smothering makes it seem like you did that thing where you pretend to be totally uninterested in everything she's doing in order to seem nonchalant, when really you're just pushing her away
but im just guessing here, either way you fucked something up[/QUOTE]
When I say that I wasn't smothering her, I wanted to make sure you guys knew I wasn't constantly asking her questions or texting her constantly, but I did reply whenever she texted me and was legitimately interested and expressed interest in what she said, no matter how vague.
I tried to be interested in her at the dance and took the initiative to talk whenever the time arrived, especially the few times we had together. At points I was worrying I was actually being too annoying. I'm not sure if that was enough, though, and I think that I should still express interest in people a bit more. I have been told I am occasionally cold, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case.
the next morning we were both catching buses to go home and i texted her saying "bye, see you next week!" and she said "have a good thanksgiving!" but i havent spoken to her since
[editline]10th October 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Chezhead;37979350]When I say that I wasn't smothering her, I wanted to make sure you guys knew I wasn't constantly asking her questions or texting her constantly, but I did reply whenever she texted me and was legitimately interested and expressed interest in what she said, no matter how vague.
I tried to be interested in her at the dance and took the initiative to talk whenever the time arrived, especially the few times we had together. At points I was worrying I was actually being too annoying. I'm not sure if that was enough, though, and I think that I should still express interest in people a bit more. I have been told I am occasionally cold, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case.[/QUOTE]
um were you being interested as if she was a nice person to talk to or interested as in you made moves and showed your willingness to bang?
because if she was touching you at the dance but you werent touching her back or making any moves back, it could have rubbed her the wrong way
Well, now that I think I know the problem, what would the solution be? Should I break the two-text barrier and say something else? I already asked if she wanted to hang out or something, and that was the last text I sent.
i lived overseas until 6th grade and then moved to the us and found out people here form cliques and frequently talk shit about each other, so i made friends with the only girl in my school who was actually nice to me and then i met a few other girls who lived near me
every friend i had until i dropped out of hs (except for 1 guy who's really nice who i'm still friends with) talked shit about me, blatantly ignored me, and made excuses not to interact with me. i was totally oblivious to it for a few years. at the beginning of 10th grade i decided to stop talking to all of them and see if they'd notice. none of them did
i've always been really bad at hiding emotions and never really lie or anything so it made me really paranoid about being part of social circles because that generally means being around people who don't like you but don't want to admit it because they don't want to cause problems. so now i have huge trust issues because i'm usually honest and know that most people i've befriended aren't at the same level of honesty. so now i just get incredibly secretive about everything and reflexively avoid saying anything about myself even when people ask me about myself
and most of all i don't like admitting that i have any sort of problems/weaknesses/things i need help with. so i'm being honest for once!
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37979119]guess what, people appreciate nerds, especially other nerds
there are so many nerds out there with tons of friends because being social has nothing to do with your nerdy hobbies or interests
[editline]10th October 2012[/editline]
ok i need some advice
last friday this girl calls at like 3 am really drunk and wanted to come over, but in fact she was so drunk that she just fell asleep on my bed
at like 8 am we both wake up and she's like "omg holy shit what happened last night??" and i assured her we did not bang, and then she left
we were p good friends before this so i dont know whether we are still friends or if its awkward between us or something? im gonna try to act normal and not awkward but i dont really know what she feels like and help me[/QUOTE]
[img]http://i.imgur.com/QRB6C.jpg[/img]
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;37979119]guess what, people appreciate nerds, especially other nerds
there are so many nerds out there with tons of friends because being social has nothing to do with your nerdy hobbies or interests
[/QUOTE]
In my high school most of the nerds were meme spewing faggots who played minecraft on the computers in the library all the time. So I got lumped in with them a little bit. But now in university I'm noticing more nerds who aren't total spergs. Hell, this girl I'm interested in now even seems like a bit of a nerd herself. And she's majoring in neuroscience so obviously she'd at least be a smart nerd if not an internet and/or gaming nerd.
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