The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Phsykotik;35167917]So.
A while back in fall quarter, through my ASL class I met this pretty neat chick. Her name is Amy. But I was content with being friends, as was she. Yet some how, no matter how many times I told my other friends, "No, we're just friends," they managed to glance over that and assume that I actually wanted to be with her in a more intimate manner. This in and of itself is inconsequential to life; I could live with simple jests here and there.
However, one of my closer friends, Michael, hooked up with her around, mid January, I think, and they were dating for a while. Everyone was confused. They're like, "Marcus, aren't you mad at Michael? That's your girl isn't it?" And my response was, "No, it is equal part her choice; not to mention, I had no intent before hand." And even Michael was being a fool about it, "Dude, I'm sorry man... but this is awesome." It took a while but I finally managed to have him understand how I have no care for the false sorries ("I'm sorry...but") and even less for his adventures ("this is awesome").
So after a while people are finally coming to the understanding that I don't care. Cool. And then they broke up (which, although Michael and I are close, I have to laugh at this duration of some, two months (though, I have no experience to speak of, but still, a few months)). Alright, so what? Well, I'm friends with them both, and I'll be damned if I pick a side... well, kind of. I have a general rule of "respect for the ladies" which Michael violates horribly when his girlfriends become exes, so I kind of stand up for them, but only in the, "owe them proper respect." [i]Anyway[/i], they've been broken up, for all of two days when Amy and I chill out (like, two days ago). We start out playing some pool, then chill on chairs, and then move to my couch. The whole time we're just talk, chilling. But so slowly she moves closer and closer to my position on the couch. And then eventually she's resting her head on my shoulder; and then we just cuddle. Fairly cozy, I must say.
But it seems to have had implications. For both her and me. Later that same night we went to an ASL event, then to a nearby Red Robin (as is custom for this event). Some shit happened there between her and Michael, over the phone. She and I also texted a little bit while we were at Red Robin, but that went no where. When I got home we picked up texting again, a little, but it was mainly me asking about what Michael did. But towards the end the question, "What does this mean," came from the both of us.
Yesterday we just chilled. Cool. And last night we did more talking. We explained to each the other what "this" and "means" meant in our own respective views.
(The following is exact texts shared, Amy's texts will be [i]italicized[/i])
That was last night; we proceeded to set aside a time earlier today to talk. She reworded her statement, but I would be damned to remember it (I have horrible memory, even of the same day). And then we awkwardly cuddled in her car. Then she had an engagement so we parted ways. And now here I am.
I am not sure what I am looking for, from this post. It may be advice, or your take on it. Or it could have just been a vent.
Well, one thing I do want to know of your opinions is this; should I, if the possibility arises, commit to Amy? In an earlier text when Michael informed me of their separation, he quite literally declared her "fair game" and said he'd understand if I did.
But he also said that about his last girlfriend (this one out of the blue. "Allowing" Amy at least makes a bit more sense) which was total bullshit, because he was still pretty attached to her.
Anything you want to say, I will read it all.
TL;DR: too bad. I'd like if you read it, but it is too much for me to summarize any more.[/QUOTE]
From your text, I'd say you are looking for advice. If it's a good friend, I would refrain from said woman, as there are more than enough to go around without causing problems.
Obviously, you've noticed that his "fair game" statement is a bit overused. If you are really feeling you want to connect with her, you can disregard it as it's obviously a derivative of his ego and insecurities.
These are your options. I'd go with the first one.
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Makol;35177111]How can I be less general?
I'm not the best when it comes to describing things.[/QUOTE]
Describe what actually is bothering you about them. Even if all my friends were arrogant, stubborn and extremely biased I would still enjoy their company. As friends, I'd assume you can see beyond those masks... It's an act. But, you don't as far as I can see, so the real question again is... If you found new friends and having a good time with them, why do you insist on fixing what is broken? Is it the bonds of friendship, or maybe because you were wrong at some part...
That's what I mean by being general.
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35168396]holy shit, are you from the 17th century or something? why are you so awkwardly verbose? those were exact texts you sent her? dear lord.
on the other hand, some practical advice: she was talking to you, went out with your friend, now you're her second choice. a fallback. don't be a fallback.[/QUOTE]
Taking in consideration the rumors of him liking her, yet showing extreme disinterest around her and towards those rumors... it might be the other way around.
From the texts I see her genuinely liking him and wanting to connect. From the short period she was with his friend, I doubt she developed such strong feelings that he would become a "Fallback".
[QUOTE=Seith;35177190]
Describe what actually is bothering you about them. Even if all my friends were arrogant, stubborn and extremely biased I would still enjoy their company. As friends, I'd assume you can see beyond those masks... It's an act. But, you don't as far as I can see, so the real question again is... If you found new friends and having a good time with them, why do you insist on fixing what is broken? Is it the bonds of friendship, or maybe because you were wrong at some part...
That's what I mean by being general.[/QUOTE]
I'm not insisting on fixing anything.
I was asking if my decision was a bit childish in any way since one of them seems to think so for whatever reason. I mean it was my decision that they aren't worth my time and I don't want to put up with them not being able to accept an opinion and how that opinion was formed. It's like me stating an opinion or observation is a good enough reason to argue about it being wrong. Plus they tend to act like know it alls, then again they say the same to me but in the end I'm able to state how I'm able to come to a conclusion based off what I do actually know. But if I'm wrong about something I'd gladly accept it if a source is supplied to show how what I know is wrong or was misleading.
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
And I'm pretty sure one of the messaged me to get me to say something back to them but I'm not falling for it.
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35166955]you should accept that you don't need to be chasing romance all the time to have a great existence[/QUOTE]
That advice is probably only valid for people who are past high school, and even college. As teenagers, your dick is your only indefinite tool in your arsenal available every time you feel down.
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Makol;35177302]I'm not insisting on fixing anything.
I was asking if my decision was a bit childish in any way since one of them seems to think so for whatever reason. I mean it was my decision that they aren't worth my time and I don't want to put up with them not being able to accept an opinion and how that opinion was formed. It's like me stating an opinion or observation is a good enough reason to argue about it being wrong. Plus they tend to act like know it alls, then again they say the same to me but in the end I'm able to state how I'm able to come to a conclusion based off what I do actually know. But if I'm wrong about something I'd gladly accept it if a source is supplied to show how what I know is wrong or was misleading.
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
And I'm pretty sure one of the messaged me to get me to say something back to them but I'm not falling for it.[/QUOTE]
Even though it's still general and an absurd to destroy connections with your "old friends" on the basis of opinions and them being dicks imo, you are allowed to and there's nothing childish about this. It's the opposite of childish. But then again, this "harsh" decision (destroying connections) is quite bizarre and suggests something of personal nature to have sparked this. Not everybody will decide so easily to tell their friends to fuck off....
My point is you might be wrong, which is what you wanted to know. With what? I have no clue. Childish? Perhaps, I need more details. To me, it seems just fine.
i think it is a little childish, but also somewhat understandable
nobody is perfect, least of all our friends (since we all have different views, different opinions and all the rest of it), but being different is what allows us to be friends, and you have to be accepting of the differences.
i have some friends that i will not dare step into some types of conversation with (politics mostly) because i know it won't end well. i don't agree with most of their views, and they don't agree with most of mine, but we can look past that because we are friends, and it doesn't really matter what our views are, since it's not like we're starting our own political party or anything. i have friends who deal with relationships and other friendships in ways that i would never do, and whilst i don't agree with their behaviour i stick by them and support them where i can, because they're my friends, and that's what friends do. i won't lie to them and make out like i think they did the right thing when i don't, but i'm not gonna fall out with them or stop talking to them just because of some actions they've taken.
i can understand why you might not want to stay friends with them, but the childish part comes in when you suddenly cut off contact with them and then telling others how glad you were that you did it.
if people are turning into people that you no longer feel any sort of friendship with, then it tends to be more of a gradual thing, you just fade away from each other and lose contact. the shock comes when you suddenly cut off contact and they're left on the other side wondering what they've done. if you just let things work out then it'd probably have turned out that you would have all drifted your different ways and you wouldn't really end up speaking to them again, but by suddenly cutting off the contact you've made it seem like there's a massive problem somewhere and that your best way of dealing with it is (essentially) by running away.
people change, you will change, and friendships come and go, but it's the sudden actions like this that make bits of trouble.
But I never told anyone to "fuck off" though.
Not too sure where you're getting that. If anything I think I got over a group of friends, well more like some people from a group of friends to be more accurate, and felt like I had a good enough to reason to no longer speak with them.
i think he meant more that the cutting off contact is like saying "fuck you" without actually saying it
[QUOTE=Autumn;35177469]i think it is a little childish, but also somewhat understandable
nobody is perfect, least of all our friends (since we all have different views, different opinions and all the rest of it), but being different is what allows us to be friends, and you have to be accepting of the differences.
i have some friends that i will not dare step into some types of conversation with (politics mostly) because i know it won't end well. i don't agree with most of their views, and they don't agree with most of mine, but we can look past that because we are friends, and it doesn't really matter what our views are, since it's not like we're starting our own political party or anything. i have friends who deal with relationships and other friendships in ways that i would never do, and whilst i don't agree with their behaviour i stick by them and support them where i can, because they're my friends, and that's what friends do. i won't lie to them and make out like i think they did the right thing when i don't, but i'm not gonna fall out with them or stop talking to them just because of some actions they've taken.
i can understand why you might not want to stay friends with them, but the childish part comes in when you suddenly cut off contact with them and then telling others how glad you were that you did it.
if people are turning into people that you no longer feel any sort of friendship with, then it tends to be more of a gradual thing, you just fade away from each other and lose contact. the shock comes when you suddenly cut off contact and they're left on the other side wondering what they've done. if you just let things work out then it'd probably have turned out that you would have all drifted your different ways and you wouldn't really end up speaking to them again, but by suddenly cutting off the contact you've made it seem like there's a massive problem somewhere and that your best way of dealing with it is (essentially) by running away.
people change, you will change, and friendships come and go, but it's the sudden actions like this that make bits of trouble.[/QUOTE]
Well I did do the slowly fading away thing. I started with talking to them less over time and eventually went to a few weeks of silence, but I came back thinking maybe things change and that wasn't the case.
But yeah, I can see how me stating it felt better to cut commnunication from them childish. I mean I didn't refer to them by name or anything since that wouldn't be very appropriate.
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Autumn;35177596]i think he meant more that the cutting off contact is like saying "fuck you" without actually saying it[/QUOTE]
Ah ok. Makes sense.
[QUOTE=Smas;35175391]By how you were describing this story, I thought for sure that pocket-spaghetti would have started flying at some point. Is he always like that? Or is it just around girls that he likes (or just girls in general)?[/QUOTE]
Most of the time he's very loud and can't stop talking. It was actually REALLY surprising that he got nervous when he was going to make a suggestion. I was expecting him to actually talk quicker/louder when he got nervous.
Oh and I got a reply from the girl who texted me last night, apparently she wanted me to help her set up a N64 emulator on her mac, then a few minutes later said that her mac was being really annoying and that she's going to try and get an actual N64 as a birthday gift. Alright...
[QUOTE=robmaister12;35177879]Most of the time he's very loud and can't stop talking. It was actually REALLY surprising that he got nervous when he was going to make a suggestion. I was expecting him to actually talk quicker/louder when he got nervous.
Oh and I got a reply from the girl who texted me last night, apparently she wanted me to help her set up a N64 emulator on her mac, then a few minutes later said that her mac was being really annoying and that she's going to try and get an actual N64 as a birthday gift. Alright...[/QUOTE]
Can't blame her, you didn't make a move.
[QUOTE=Seith;35177893]Can't blame her, you didn't make a move.[/QUOTE]
That was just the abridged version with the beginning and end of the story. We agreed that she'd stop by around 3pm on Monday, then half an hour later she texts back with the whole getting an actual N64 thing. I'm not even particularly interested in this girl, so it really doesn't matter.
[QUOTE=Phsykotik;35167917]So.
A while back in fall quarter, through my ASL class I met this pretty neat chick. Her name is Amy. But I was content with being friends, as was she. Yet some how, no matter how many times I told my other friends, "No, we're just friends," they managed to glance over that and assume that I actually wanted to be with her in a more intimate manner. This in and of itself is inconsequential to life; I could live with simple jests here and there.
However, one of my closer friends, Michael, hooked up with her around, mid January, I think, and they were dating for a while. Everyone was confused. They're like, "Marcus, aren't you mad at Michael? That's your girl isn't it?" And my response was, "No, it is equal part her choice; not to mention, I had no intent before hand." And even Michael was being a fool about it, "Dude, I'm sorry man... but this is awesome." It took a while but I finally managed to have him understand how I have no care for the false sorries ("I'm sorry...but") and even less for his adventures ("this is awesome").
So after a while people are finally coming to the understanding that I don't care. Cool. And then they broke up (which, although Michael and I are close, I have to laugh at this duration of some, two months (though, I have no experience to speak of, but still, a few months)). Alright, so what? Well, I'm friends with them both, and I'll be damned if I pick a side... well, kind of. I have a general rule of "respect for the ladies" which Michael violates horribly when his girlfriends become exes, so I kind of stand up for them, but only in the, "owe them proper respect." [i]Anyway[/i], they've been broken up, for all of two days when Amy and I chill out (like, two days ago). We start out playing some pool, then chill on chairs, and then move to my couch. The whole time we're just talk, chilling. But so slowly she moves closer and closer to my position on the couch. And then eventually she's resting her head on my shoulder; and then we just cuddle. Fairly cozy, I must say.
But it seems to have had implications. For both her and me. Later that same night we went to an ASL event, then to a nearby Red Robin (as is custom for this event). Some shit happened there between her and Michael, over the phone. She and I also texted a little bit while we were at Red Robin, but that went no where. When I got home we picked up texting again, a little, but it was mainly me asking about what Michael did. But towards the end the question, "What does this mean," came from the both of us.
Yesterday we just chilled. Cool. And last night we did more talking. We explained to each the other what "this" and "means" meant in our own respective views.
(The following is exact texts shared, Amy's texts will be [i]italicized[/i])
That was last night; we proceeded to set aside a time earlier today to talk. She reworded her statement, but I would be damned to remember it (I have horrible memory, even of the same day). And then we awkwardly cuddled in her car. Then she had an engagement so we parted ways. And now here I am.
I am not sure what I am looking for, from this post. It may be advice, or your take on it. Or it could have just been a vent.
Well, one thing I do want to know of your opinions is this; should I, if the possibility arises, commit to Amy? In an earlier text when Michael informed me of their separation, he quite literally declared her "fair game" and said he'd understand if I did.
But he also said that about his last girlfriend (this one out of the blue. "Allowing" Amy at least makes a bit more sense) which was total bullshit, because he was still pretty attached to her.
Anything you want to say, I will read it all.
TL;DR: too bad. I'd like if you read it, but it is too much for me to summarize any more.[/QUOTE]
God, this must have taken so long to write. You write how I'd write a scientific paper, all concise and straight forward. It seems so much like an affectation, as if you're trying to put across this particular image of yourself, because no one actually talks like that naturally if they've had any normal social interactions and a sense of appropriate occasion. I know it seems like I'm being mean and I don't want to be a bastard, but I find it so off-putting.
But as for what you should do about the whole thing, go out with her. Definitive answer. Just do that, it'll be fine. -snipped the rest I must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed-
I don't see anything wrong with being verbose like that, it's not usual, but doesn't really mean it's a bad thing. You know, people are who they are, and if a girl doesn't like a guy because he's "too verbose" then (if i were in such situation), i'd tell her to fuck off. just saying
[QUOTE=DrBreen;35179059]I don't see anything wrong with being verbose like that, it's not usual, but doesn't really mean it's a bad thing. You know, people are who they are, and if a girl doesn't like a guy because he's "too verbose" then (if i were in such situation), i'd tell her to fuck off. just saying[/QUOTE]
however in dr breen's world, nobody he knows actually listens when told to fuck off
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35180468]however in dr breen's world, nobody he knows actually listens when told to fuck off[/QUOTE]
what the fuck are you doing
[QUOTE=DrBreen;35179059]I don't see anything wrong with being verbose like that, it's not usual, but doesn't really mean it's a bad thing. You know, people are who they are, and if a girl doesn't like a guy because he's "too verbose" then (if i were in such situation), i'd tell her to fuck off. just saying[/QUOTE]
it's very socially awkward. this is a thread for social advice.
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35180827]it's very socially awkward. this is a thread for social advice.[/QUOTE]
I disagree, even though i keep it simple when i talk i have no problem meeting a girl that talks like Shakespeare, just because you think that's awkward doesn't mean everyone does. especially because this is an international forum and there's lot's of different cultures here, don't forget that. Actually, come to think of it when you're a grown up, no one will give a fuck about how you talk, as long as what you're saying is not stupid shit, this is common sense.
And if he tries to be someone not himself to get a girl, that's the part where it's stupid.
I also like how you say "it's very socially awkward. this is a thread for social advice."; implying that only you have the word on social advice.
aren't you the op who was just told to copy and paste my op for the last thread into this one? i might know something about social advice. people who speak in really strange ways generally don't fit in, it's like a gimmick. if he spoke like that in person, i guarantee the way he talks is the first thing someone is going to notice, and it's something that's going to be difficult to get past. seeing as his profile says he's from Seattle, Washington, and i'm from Portland, Oregon, i definitely know what the norm is in this area for how most people talk. and most people would be extremely off-put by, as you said, a girl who talks like Shakespeare, or someone who uses so many words that aren't vernacular in any given sentence. it's weird.
i understand what you mean, but you should put effort to be more open about those things, i know it's human instinct to try to convert other people to our norms, it's perfectly normal, but maybe, have you stopped to think about how maybe it's not such a terrible thing, i hope you're understanding my stance on this.. I also came from a dinner with friends some hours ago and i may be slightly drunk and wrong. who knows, social sciences have so many variables
i'm not saying it's bad to be that way, but for the purpose of fitting in with society and looking for women, it's pretty counterproductive.
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35181449]i'm not saying it's bad to be that way, but for the purpose of fitting in with society and looking for women, it's pretty counterproductive.[/QUOTE]
what if someone's just looking for man/woman and doesn't really want to fit in for society for their own reasons? are they not social? or the term social nowadays just means the "majority"
wow, alrighty then
if that's the case, then he should probably come into the thread asking "is there anybody here who specializes in getting with chicks who also speak like Shakespeare?" because most people won't be able to offer too much help.
you're proposing a pretty dumb scenario and maybe you should do a quick sobriety check since you said you might still be drunk and posting
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35181449]i'm not saying it's bad to be that way, but for the purpose of fitting in with society and looking for women, it's pretty counterproductive.[/QUOTE]
I agree. There's being verbose, and then there's being so verbose you sound really pretentious.
Also date went well, though I felt underdressed because she was wearing a sleeveless/topless skirt and stuff, and I was just wearing a t-shirt and shorts, but she seemed to have fun so I'm not sweating it much.
sorry bout the automerge.
-snip-
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35181618]wow, alrighty then
if that's the case, then he should probably come into the thread asking "is there anybody here who specializes in getting with chicks who also speak like Shakespeare?" because most people won't be able to offer too much help.
you're proposing a pretty dumb scenario and maybe you should do a quick sobriety check since you said you might still be drunk and posting[/QUOTE]
But Shakespeare married his love of his life, Anne Hathaway, which was at the time "socially normal". By your standards, A guy can't date or be friends with a girl with different cultural standards. In the big picture, in my heart what you say feels wrong
[QUOTE=DrBreen;35181710]But Shakespeare married his love of his life, Anne Hathaway, which was at the time "socially normal".[/QUOTE]
that was also 400+ years ago mate
[QUOTE=DrBreen;35181710]But Shakespeare married his love of his life, Anne Hathaway, which was at the time "socially normal". By your standards, A guy can't date or be friends with a girl with different cultural standards. In the big picture, in my heart what you say feels wrong[/QUOTE]
no, I'm not saying you can't, but that's not the purpose of this thread. sure, you could walk around in a velociraptor all costume all the time if you wanted, but it's probably not going to make it any easier to find love
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35181811]no, I'm not saying you can't, but that's not the purpose of this thread. sure, you could walk around in a velociraptor all costume all the time if you wanted, but it's probably not going to make it any easier to find love[/QUOTE]
It worked for Egoraptor.
Also hi I'm going to lurk this thread
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35181811]no, I'm not saying you can't, but that's not the purpose of this thread. sure, you could walk around in a velociraptor all costume all the time if you wanted, but it's probably not going to make it any easier to find love[/QUOTE]
love is gerat
[editline]17th March 2012[/editline]
i won't try to contribute to this threa more, im on peak drunk going to bed
lets all agree to disagee that love is great
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;35181811]no, I'm not saying you can't, but that's not the purpose of this thread. sure, you could walk around in a velociraptor all costume all the time if you wanted, but it's probably not going to make it any easier to find love[/QUOTE]
Those who are really successful with women don't take the traditional paths... so in that perspective, him talking like shake spear or johnny bravo, would only benefit him. It's really negligible, if he knows his stuff.
My GF is teaching me french kissing
I don't get it, is the taste of Doritos supposed to turn me on or something?
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