The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
Yeah. I can feel the cabin fever starting to creep up on me, but all the things that I can do to get my mind working aren't available this week. Just got to make it until monday then I can start to normalize.
Got a girl's number after attending her party without knowing her, just going with a friend
The theme of the party was like, air and flying and stuff and she dressed as the movie Up - not a specific character, like the whole movie, it ruled. Now I have to figure out what to text her. I can't text her asking to meet up as I live 3 and a half hours away.
Feels like I've been going down a steep hill lately with social interactions. I only have 2 friends and 2 cousins that I talk to, and I only hang out with them maybe once every two weeks if I'm lucky. Feels like I've been going crazy, I'm in my house for so long and only leave my house to go to church or whatever 2-3 times a week for a couple hours. The only reason I even go to church is to try and socialize, I'm not even religious which is kinda fucked up. It honestly sucks, I feel like I'm wasting my life away while everyone's out socializing. What's worse is that I can't fix this; I have a special needs brother that I need to take care of on weekdays and so most of my time is drained there. I also have problems communicating, I stutter and have a quiet voice and end up mumbling/jumbling my words all the time which makes it hard as hell for me to connect with other people. As if that's not enough, most people I know (acquaintances) already view me as the shy quiet guy who doesn't talk to anybody and so it becomes a point of view I have to break to make friends. At least shy people don't want to talk to anybody, I actually want to be very social but I can't, which makes for a very shitty and tormenting situation. What do?
Also been very stressed lately, I owe 600 bucks to my college for a class that I didn't even know I owed money for. I got a ten day notice to pay it back or else the matter would be handed over to a collection agency. Unfortunately I could not get all the money in time so now I got more shit to deal with. My mothers been pressuring me to get a job every single day for the past few weeks, as I have to start paying for my cell phone and car insurance/gas in two months. Since I'm 17 years old, this leads me to two choices: retail or fast food. As I said above I have shitty communication skills, so those two options would be fucking torment for me. I've tried to apply for jobs that don't involve much customer interaction, but most of those are 18+ jobs. So I can either lose my cell phone and my car, or suffer every single day until I can get a different job.
Having a job at a fast food joint might be just the thing you need if you're shy and bad at public relations. Having a job where you repeat more or less the same few things to strangers all the time will certainly condition you for talking to whoever you meet. Might be crappy initially, but it would most likely become robotic and dull before long. On top of that you'd get to know your co-workers, and if you're feeling lonely from day to day at the moment you might even enjoy going to work after a while.
oh bloody hell man
suggest something that won't result in depression, work stress, and smelling like bad food.
personal experience.
[QUOTE=Glitch360;35241711]Feels like I've been going down a steep hill lately with social interactions. I only have 2 friends and 2 cousins that I talk to, and I only hang out with them maybe once every two weeks if I'm lucky. Feels like I've been going crazy, I'm in my house for so long and only leave my house to go to church or whatever 2-3 times a week for a couple hours. The only reason I even go to church is to try and socialize, I'm not even religious which is kinda fucked up. It honestly sucks, I feel like I'm wasting my life away while everyone's out socializing. What's worse is that I can't fix this; I have a special needs brother that I need to take care of on weekdays and so most of my time is drained there. I also have problems communicating, I stutter and have a quiet voice and end up mumbling/jumbling my words all the time which makes it hard as hell for me to connect with other people. As if that's not enough, most people I know (acquaintances) already view me as the shy quiet guy who doesn't talk to anybody and so it becomes a point of view I have to break to make friends. At least shy people don't want to talk to anybody, I actually want to be very social but I can't, which makes for a very shitty and tormenting situation. What do?[/quote]
You're a much better man than I. I actually shed a tear reading this because it's so close to the situation I was in except I was always pretending I was the victim. It's hard being afraid to speak up even though you desperately want to and it's even harder when you feel like you have something wrong with you. I can tell you that you can improve your communication skills. Communication isn't something you are born with, it's something you learn as you progress yourself and as you learn you will consciously notice that the way you talk just seems to flow better. Like your stutter and mumbling/jumbling of words is something that takes practice to overcome, but you are able to learn how to speak more correctly. Everything that you say bugs you can be learned, overcome and lead to a happier life. Trust me, as someone who overcame social anxiety, that your situation is far from hopeless.
[QUOTE=Glitch360;35241711]Also been very stressed lately, I owe 600 bucks to my college for a class that I didn't even know I owed money for. I got a ten day notice to pay it back or else the matter would be handed over to a collection agency. Unfortunately I could not get all the money in time so now I got more shit to deal with. My mothers been pressuring me to get a job every single day for the past few weeks, as I have to start paying for my cell phone and car insurance/gas in two months. Since I'm 17 years old, this leads me to two choices: retail or fast food. As I said above I have shitty communication skills, so those two options would be fucking torment for me. I've tried to apply for jobs that don't involve much customer interaction, but most of those are 18+ jobs. So I can either lose my cell phone and my car, or suffer every single day until I can get a different job.[/QUOTE]
Honestly, the jobs you think that will be torment for you are the jobs that will most improve your skills. You say you want to be more social and a better communicator, then this is your chance. This is your time to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Don't view your job as torment, view it as a chance to fuck up and learn while doing it. My first ever job was a job that pushed my anxiety to breaking point. I signed up for the school newspaper early in my freshman year of college and part of writing the required articles was interviewing 3+ people per article. Every single week I was stressed out knowing that I would need to call, email or meet up with someone who was completely alien to me for a personal interview. The first month was hard and it pushed my endurance to the limits, but I persevered and I gained an experience I would not have if I didn't think I could do it. Even now I feel no awkwardness talking on the phone because I got all that crap out of the way when I had to improv a conversation on the spot with someone I didn't know. The same experience will happen for you and you will become a more self-assured individual in the process.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;35241607]Got a girl's number after attending her party without knowing her, just going with a friend
The theme of the party was like, air and flying and stuff and she dressed as the movie Up - not a specific character, like the whole movie, it ruled. Now I have to figure out what to text her. I can't text her asking to meet up as I live 3 and a half hours away.[/QUOTE]
I'm really curious how someone dresses as a whole movie now.
Also, got a second date. Thanks guys!
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;35236130]No, it was hilarious. Trust me, I only tell hilarious jokes. The [I]most[/I] hilarious jokes.
Of course, it might have only been hilarious in a situationally ironic way, but that just makes her not getting it even more off-putting. The friendly-looking chubby dude across the room laughed the proper amount, so obviously she's just a putz!
That's okay, I wasn't going anywhere with it. I just wanted to be clever.[/QUOTE]
Sounds like she's just a putz. I got a laugh this morning out of, "I should probably call my doctor, because I've got an erection lasting more than 4 hours."
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;35241990]Having a job at a fast food joint might be just the thing you need if you're shy and bad at public relations. Having a job where you repeat more or less the same few things to strangers all the time will certainly condition you for talking to whoever you meet. Might be crappy initially, but it would most likely become robotic and dull before long. On top of that you'd get to know your co-workers, and if you're feeling lonely from day to day at the moment you might even enjoy going to work after a while.[/QUOTE]I guess that would help, but I would hate it with a passion because all of the rude/angry customers that I would inevitably get
[QUOTE=Evilan;35242535]You're a much better man than I. I actually shed a tear reading this because it's so close to the situation I was in except I was always pretending I was the victim. It's hard being afraid to speak up even though you desperately want to and it's even harder when you feel like you have something wrong with you. I can tell you that you can improve your communication skills. Communication isn't something you are born with, it's something you learn as you progress yourself and as you learn you will consciously notice that the way you talk just seems to flow better. Like your stutter and mumbling/jumbling of words is something that takes practice to overcome, but you are able to learn how to speak more correctly. Everything that you say bugs you can be learned, overcome and lead to a happier life. Trust me, as someone who overcame social anxiety, that your situation is far from hopeless.
Honestly, the jobs you think that will be torment for you are the jobs that will most improve your skills. You say you want to be more social and a better communicator, then this is your chance. This is your time to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Don't view your job as torment, view it as a chance to fuck up and learn while doing it. My first ever job was a job that pushed my anxiety to breaking point. I signed up for the school newspaper early in my freshman year of college and part of writing the required articles was interviewing 3+ people per article. Every single week I was stressed out knowing that I would need to call, email or meet up with someone who was completely alien to me for a personal interview. The first month was hard and it pushed my endurance to the limits, but I persevered and I gained an experience I would not have if I didn't think I could do it. Even now I feel no awkwardness talking on the phone because I got all that crap out of the way when I had to improv a conversation on the spot with someone I didn't know. The same experience will happen for you and you will become a more self-assured individual in the process.[/QUOTE]It's comforting to know that someone in a situation similar to mine has found a way out of it. It's probably going to take quite a bit of time, but I'm sure it'll be more than worth it.
So yeah just told one chick that I've been interested in for a while that I like her. Did it in very personal way and so on, but it turned out she was taken. Damnit.
Well, at least I got it off my chest. Although I feel like a sucker for it. All these talks and BAM "I have a friend" kinda made me ashamed.
Also, since we're in the same class at school I think I'm gonna go red when I see her. Gonna play it off like nothing happened. I do hope she didn't tell anyone about our conversation. She said that she won't do it and I want to believe her...
[QUOTE=Ringo_Satu;35248956]So yeah just told one chick that I've been interested in for a while that I like her. Did it in very personal way and so on, but it turned out she was taken. Damnit.
Well, at least I got it off my chest. Although I feel like a sucker for it. All these talks and BAM "I have a friend" kinda made me ashamed.
Also, since we're in the same class at school I think I'm gonna go red when I see her. Gonna play it off like nothing happened. I do hope she didn't tell anyone about our conversation. She said that she won't do it and I want to believe her...[/QUOTE]
She may tell her close friends (or the whole world), but it doesn't really matter. It happened, who cares who knows.
It's better to not do the "i like you" thing and just ask them out and show them. Just telling them is kind uninteresting in that they really don't have to figure out anything for themselves.
[QUOTE=Mobon1;35249498]She may tell her close friends (or the whole world), but it doesn't really matter. It happened, who cares who knows.
It's better to not do the "i like you" thing and just ask them out and show them. Just telling them is kind uninteresting in that they really don't have to figure out anything for themselves.[/QUOTE]
Thanks for advice man, but that's what I did. I told her both that I like her and called her out at the same time. There's nothing more I could have done. She was taken.
I've got a date in about an hour.
Wish me luck?
No
[QUOTE=RIPBILLYMAYS;35250226]I've got a date in about an hour.
Wish me luck?[/QUOTE]
Try anal from the get-go
I gave the girl I've got a crush on a notion about what I'll be doing tomorrow.
I said that I would be doing something out of town and that the friend that was in the chat knows what, but that he can tell her tomorrow while I'm away.
Well let's say that I'm more then happy with the reaction that I got.
[QUOTE=Sunday_Roast;35250273]I gave the girl I've got a crush on a notion about what I'll be doing tomorrow.
I said that I would be doing something out of town and that the friend that was in the chat knows what, but that he can tell her tomorrow while I'm away.
Well let's say that I'm more then happy with the reaction that I got.[/QUOTE]
"i'm going out of town"
"aw ok"
SHE LOVES ME
from the little i've seen of seith he seems like an alright guy, just some advice seith, you're trying too hard to look smart, no need for the thesaurus. a smarter person makes sure their writings are easier to read than difficult, i could read your post, misunderstand it and then blame you. i'm not gonna do that, however, that's a possibility it's like writing a book teaching somebody about communication but making the words huge and difficult to understand. the structure of your sentences seems a little weird sometimes too. although i'm not in much of a position to talk haha.
anyway guys, some snippets of advice to help improve yourself.
just start with simple things like making eye contact with strangers, then raising your eyebrows at strangers quickly (it's a greeting.) then start a little nod of your head instead. small steps, small steps.
you'll quickly realise that people are a lot friendly than you think and that nobody is gonna cause you any problems.
you can make problems into great opportunities.
if you think of life as a game it becomes easier, the more seriously you take it the harder the rules can become.
if you feel like you don't go out enough, find a hobby, find somebody on facebook who'll take you out, or search through the various other opportunites you have.
when somebody has no respect for themselves they have no respect for anybody else, if this is you then please try helping others and gain a sense of self respect.
sleep well
if you're suffering from depression or OCD then try some 5-htp (i think it's an enzyme you can get it from holland and barrett) it's converted into serotonin in your body, the happy chemicals of your brain.
if that's not doing it for you then try l-tyrosine, this can make you really energetic too, this works with the dopamine paths instead.
consider hypnosis if it interests you, not for manipulative purposes for self help and improving yourself.
good healthy nutrition and sleep can really help you with depression, anxiety and many other problems.
i understand this is a really badly written piece of advice, writing isn't one of my strong points haha, please take some of this advice if you think you could use it.
[b]if you help yourself inside, your behaviour will reflect this and people will really notice[/b]
[QUOTE=Anthrax713;35251330]
anyway guys, some snippets of advice to help improve yourself.
just start with simple things like making eye contact with strangers, then raising your eyebrows at strangers quickly (it's a greeting.) then start a little nod of your head instead. small steps, small steps.
you'll quickly realise that people are a lot friendly than you think and that nobody is gonna cause you any problems.
you can make problems into great opportunities.
if you think of life as a game it becomes easier, the more seriously you take it the harder the rules can become.[/QUOTE]
this is so weird though
are you actually trying to greet the strangers? are you trying to start a conversation with them? or are you just acknowledging their existence as some sort of practice for the future?
if someone i didnt know randomly raised their eyebrows at me but then didnt actually start a conversation i would just think they were weird
[QUOTE=Glitch360;35247570]I guess that would help, but I would hate it with a passion because all of the rude/angry customers that I would inevitably get[/QUOTE]
Well a friend of mine went through the same thing (being awful at communicating with strangers; he told me he once went to the counter with something at half price at some store, and they charged him full price, but he didn't say anything. And it was like a $200 item iirc) and his retail job at KFC totally fixed his issues. The rude/moronic customers he has to serve sometimes are just funny stories for him to tell now, and he's a lot more outgoing and comfortable in public.
[editline]23rd March 2012[/editline]
Think of life as an rpg; the whole thing will be like exploring a terrible dungeon and battling monsters for experience!
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;35252379]Well a friend of mine went through the same thing (being awful at communicating with strangers; he told me he once went to the counter with something at half price at some store, and they charged him full price, but he didn't say anything. And it was like a $200 item iirc) and his retail job at KFC totally fixed his issues. The rude/moronic customers he has to serve sometimes are just funny stories for him to tell now, and he's a lot more outgoing and comfortable in public.
[editline]23rd March 2012[/editline]
Think of life as an rpg; the whole thing will be like exploring a terrible dungeon and battling monsters for experience![/QUOTE]
More like grinding to increase charisma.
Also there's no loot, no endgame and no saving.
No loot? I doubt he'll be working for free somehow
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35252072]this is so weird though
are you actually trying to greet the strangers? are you trying to start a conversation with them? or are you just acknowledging their existence as some sort of practice for the future?
if someone i didnt know randomly raised their eyebrows at me but then didnt actually start a conversation i would just think they were weird[/QUOTE]
i was going to say something about it, but i'm glad you did. that's just kind of odd advice that doesn't really help people socially too much, it's just suggestions for really obscure body language
Ok I'm back from the show.
1st of all I need to say that the show was so amazing that mere words cannot describe the full intensity of its sheer awesomeness.
But the "date", not so much. Nothing bad happened, but nothing new or extraordinary happened either. We sat and chat and had a fun time watching the show.
During intermission a few of her friends brought us backstage (we have friends in the drama club). One of her friends pulled me away from her while she talked to another of her friends. The one who pulled me over asked me how my date was going and asked if I *nods/smiles/grins/makes that sound that implies that implication* and I basically said yes. THEN she said "[B]I [I]thínk[/I] she knows[/B]" in the tone that says she definitely knows how I feel about her.
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS MEANS AND WHAT I SHOULD DO
[QUOTE=RIPBILLYMAYS;35254739]Ok I'm back from the show.
1st of all I need to say that the show was so amazing that mere words cannot describe the full intensity of its sheer awesomeness.
But the "date", not so much. Nothing bad happened, but nothing new or extraordinary happened either. We sat and chat and had a fun time watching the show.
During intermission a few of her friends brought us backstage (we have friends in the drama club). One of her friends pulled me away from her while she talked to another of her friends. The one who pulled me over asked me how my date was going and asked if I *nods/smiles/grins/makes that sound that implies that implication* and I basically said yes. THEN she said "[B]I [I]thínk[/I] she knows[/B]" in the tone that says she definitely knows how I feel about her.
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS MEANS AND WHAT I SHOULD DO[/QUOTE]
Well not every date is going to be some spectacular event. Sometimes it is just coffee, or going to see a show, or something that's otherwise mundane. If she already knows, there's no reason you should flip out about it, honestly.
[QUOTE=RIPBILLYMAYS;35254739]Ok I'm back from the show.
1st of all I need to say that the show was so amazing that mere words cannot describe the full intensity of its sheer awesomeness.
But the "date", not so much. Nothing bad happened, but nothing new or extraordinary happened either. We sat and chat and had a fun time watching the show.
During intermission a few of her friends brought us backstage (we have friends in the drama club). One of her friends pulled me away from her while she talked to another of her friends. The one who pulled me over asked me how my date was going and asked if I *nods/smiles/grins/makes that sound that implies that implication* and I basically said yes. THEN she said "[B]I [I]thínk[/I] she knows[/B]" in the tone that says she definitely knows how I feel about her.
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS MEANS AND WHAT I SHOULD DO[/QUOTE]
Maybe it'd help if I had the backstory here, but doesn't the fact that you're on a date kind of imply that she knows you have feelings for her, or at least are open to the concept of having feelings for her?
ive never even fucking kissed a girl... im just tired of being alone, I just want a fucking hug. I dont know the last time I got a hug.
[QUOTE=Mobon1;35250915]"i'm going out of town"
"aw ok"
SHE LOVES ME[/QUOTE]
I gave her a really indirect notion that I'm going out with another girl.
The way I told our friend there that he knows and that he can tell her today while I'm away.
It was suitably subtle.
Unlike her reaction:
Well of course you can't say that I have an exact reading, but from what I heard she sounded a tad jealous.
Why are you playing mind games like that man
A relationship built on shit like that will continue on shit like that, by the end of it you'd probably be regretting the whole thing
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