• The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
    10,002 replies, posted
how the fuck does that even work rusty
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;35298582]In September I'll be going off to college. I don't want to be a socially awkward fuck around girls like I was in high school so that maybe at least one girl could consider dating me. What do?[/QUOTE] Work up to it mate. Like instead of playing video games all summer long, expose yourself to the elements outside of your school. If you have higher than average anxiety being social then expose yourself slowly, take little steps like going places by yourself or doing things in controlled settings (like a job or club). By doing more social things you'll begin to learn about yourself and will be a more attractive person to those around you. These should be your first steps; to learn how to be in a social setting and learn how to be yourself in that setting.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;35298612]be yourself like actually be yourself and be proud of being yourself. if you are proud of who you are talking to other people, even girls won't even be an issue. also in college there's a lot more people and they don't give a shit about popularity, so fucking up doesn't matter.[/QUOTE] "Be yourself" always feels like a weird abstract. Not that it isn't useful, but it is a motto and you need to know the path first to make use of it. The best thing you can do is communicate more, always talk with them because the best way it comes is through practice. Don't worry about what you say too much or first impressions, you need to learn how to maintain being social first. Relax, don't worry about it too much because what's right will be learned automatically, and just be aware enough to not make any serious fuckups.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;35298612]be yourself like actually be yourself and be proud of being yourself. if you are proud of who you are talking to other people, even girls won't even be an issue. also in college there's a lot more people and they don't give a shit about popularity, so fucking up doesn't matter.[/QUOTE] Shameless copy & paste: [quote]There are many new guys on here that have no idea what the fuck 'be yourself' means. You know, that was my basic knowledge when I first started out. And that piece of advice answered NONE of my questions. Questions like.. How do you start a conversation? How do you know when to kiss? How do you get a girl back to your place? How do you keep a conversation going if it starts to die? How do you handle the cockblocking friend? What if she is with a guy already? How do I know if she is interested or not? Do I buy her a drink if she asks? These were my questions.. and you know what being myself did? Not a fucking thing. My only interests were school and video games. You tell me how the fuck I can make a 10 want to sit there and listen to me talk about WoW for 20 minutes. Go ahead and explain how 'being myself' will let that reality happen. I'm still looking for ways to have a conversation like that with a girl that won't bust and I've been doing this for 2.5 years now. Sure I can talk about OTHER things that are still congruent with myself. But regardless of what you WANT to believe.. there are certain topics that are worth talking about at certain times and others not. There are reasons why religion and politics are topics to avoid in a first meet. How about the first kiss? Sure, you can ditch Style's evolution phase shift routine once you know how to go in for the kiss. But what about BEFORE you know how to go in for the kiss? Just straight up jabbing your face at hers 5 minutes in a conversation will end in a failure. But that was 'being myself' in the sense its what I wanted to do. Is this understood to a newbie given the advice 'be yourself?' No. It's not. The line 'be yourself' has merit. I am not denying that. Being confident in who you are is 90% of game. BUT knowing how to keep a conversation interesting as well as how to escalate things sexually are also vital skills in getting girls. So vital that without them, you still won't get laid regardless of how 'yourself' you are.[/quote]
Might be useful not in the context of what you talk about but how you talk, discovering what style of conversation you are most comfortable with. Everyone has different mannerisms in how they speak and connect with other people, you need to figure out how you do this best rather than subject matter. Don't try and be a pickup artist because it will be obviously fake, it takes a lot to have a really shitty personality when it's worth trying to be someone else. Look up some interesting people, the various Doctor Who's for example. The things they talk about aren't particularly interesting, but how they talk makes all the difference. That is what you want to find about yourself and be that.
[QUOTE=Evilan;35299768]Shameless copy & paste:[/QUOTE] [B]How do you start a conversation?[/B] - You say hello and ask "how are you". Ask her about her day, ask her about a certain item of her person, whether it be jewelry, an accessory, perfume, or a unique item of clothing [B]How do you keep a conversation going if it starts to die?[/B] - If it's headed for a ditch, end it on a light note. If you're in a situation in which you can't end the conversation, there are several things you can do: 1) If you're a silly person or are in a silly mood, do something silly. Sing a song, do a dance, something like that. 2) If there's something in the area to comment on, ask about it, or make a joke about it. 3) Play a game with her. No, not a card game. Something like Q&A. 4) Make a joke. A real one. A funny one. Or make a particularly bad joke and end it with a smug gesture that makes it funny. 5) As a last-ditch effort, create something for conversation. For example, if you've got a pet, show her a picture of an animal that reminds you of said pet, then talk about how the picture reminds you of said pet, then talk about said pet. Really it's just the same as carrying a normal conversation. But once again, if things are awkward and you have a way out, do it. Say goodbye and leave. [B]How do you handle the cockblocking friend?[/B] - Can't help you there. [B]What if she is with a guy already?[/B] - If you mean "with a guy" as in "has a boyfriend", then you'll save yourself the trouble of dealing with the current boyfriend by staying away [B]How do I know if she is interested or not?[/B] - By asking her out. [B]Do I buy her a drink if she asks?[/B] - Can't help you there either.
They aren't literal questions, not to mention they aren't even mine. I was just trying to express how "be yourself" doesn't mean anything until you are confident in yourself or have acceptance of yourself.
[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;35296119]I just found out the girl I've been trying to get with for the past 4 months is actually a lesbian and one of the senior members of my university LGBT society. Fuck me you'd think I'd notice. Also a gay guy touched my ass and bought me a drink in the SU bar. Fucking hell.[/QUOTE] Don't suppose one of your friends is called Murphy? I think he might be to blame.
[QUOTE=Rusty100;35299097]take a picture with your cellular phone while u pretend to talk on it facing the camera at her i will not rest until u provide images[/QUOTE] this isnt lucky number slevin
[QUOTE=Evilan;35300703]They aren't literal questions, not to mention they aren't even mine. I was just trying to express how "be yourself" doesn't mean anything until you are confident in yourself or have acceptance of yourself.[/QUOTE] But "being yourself" implies that you are going to embrace who you are. No, being yourself will not land you perfect 10s across the board, but people will like you more if you stop actively trying to make them like you by bending yourself to their interests, in favor of, well, being a generally more likable person. I've only taken a 1000 level Psychology class so I'm not going to try to explain it (although I am toying with the idea of a psychology minor because that shit is interesting) but I know for sure people are turned off when someone is as flexible as paper in their interests and hobbies.
[QUOTE=Sir Whoopsalot;35300790]Don't suppose one of your friends is called Murphy? I think he might be to blame.[/QUOTE] Nope sorry. It happened again today, saw the guy walking down the street and the person I was with started elbowing me and pointing at him. Curse my ability to pull gay men without trying.
This is more of a vent than a request for advice but my girlfriend, who I had been going out with for nearly 4 months, dumped me via text. The day before valentines day. When I had bought her shit. Saying it never really was anything. Then tried to carry the conversation on as normal, which I attempted but then gave up when she assumed I was flirting with every line. Ah well, I am only 14 so there is plenty of time.
[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;35303953]Nope sorry. It happened again today, saw the guy walking down the street and the person I was with started elbowing me and pointing at him. Curse my ability to pull gay men without trying.[/QUOTE] Perhaps you just look like a stereotypical one.
[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;35303988]This is more of a vent than a request for advice but my girlfriend, who I had been going out with for nearly 4 months, dumped me via text. The day before valentines day. When I had bought her shit. Saying it never really was anything. Then tried to carry the conversation on as normal, which I attempted but then gave up when she assumed I was flirting with every line. Ah well, I am only 14 so there is plenty of time.[/QUOTE] Dumping through text is pathetic, and if she dumped you the day before Valentines day, she was likely doing it just to make you feel like a turd. Move on, stop talking to her.
[QUOTE=KnowProblem;35304035]Dumping through text is pathetic, and if she dumped you the day before Valentines day, she was likely doing it just to make you feel like a turd. Move on, stop talking to her.[/QUOTE] Better to do it before though, surely? I mean if you werent into someone and spent valentines with them accepting gifts etc. wouldnt you feel pretty horrible after.
[QUOTE=KnowProblem;35304035]Dumping through text is pathetic, and if she dumped you the day before Valentines day, she was likely doing it just to make you feel like a turd. Move on, stop talking to her.[/QUOTE] Issue is we are in exactly the same circle of friends. I now only really talk to her to be polite but we don't talk much. I just needed to vent because I couldn't really to my friends because they are her friends too. The one who isn't so much is an arsehole. Facepunch is detached enough :) [editline]26th March 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=CheeserCrice;35304072]Better to do it before though, surely? I mean if you werent into someone and spent valentines with them accepting gifts etc. wouldnt you feel pretty horrible after.[/QUOTE] She saw me a few days before. Also, the reasons he dumped me is that we weren't really going anywhere. I don't see why she couldn't have given valentines day a go just to see.
[QUOTE=CheeserCrice;35303991]Perhaps you just look like a stereotypical one.[/QUOTE] Hips don't lie bro.
It says there are 52 pages but no matter what browser I use and what way I attempt to access page 52 it redirects me here... [editline]26th March 2012[/editline] It appears it was lying...
I cant stop being nervous.
[QUOTE=Str4fe;35304652]I cant stop being nervous.[/QUOTE] It comes with such tasks. The best thing you can do is not focus on the effects nervousness has on your body and when the time comes, you'll be fine. That's how I cope with public speaking, for example. I gave an ignite presentation to a decently filled auditorium and everything went away when I started.
[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;35304074]Issue is we are in exactly the same circle of friends. I now only really talk to her to be polite but we don't talk much. I just needed to vent because I couldn't really to my friends because they are her friends too. The one who isn't so much is an arsehole. Facepunch is detached enough :) [editline]26th March 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=CheeserCrice;35304072]Better to do it before though, surely? I mean if you werent into someone and spent valentines with them accepting gifts etc. wouldnt you feel pretty horrible after.[/QUOTE] She saw me a few days before. Also, the reasons he dumped me is that we weren't really going anywhere. I don't see why she couldn't have given valentines day a go just to see.[/QUOTE] Completely understandable. But seriously, somebody who doesn't have the guts or respect to at least call you really isn't worth being with. Good luck bro.
aah, i asked a girl to prom today and she obviously didnt want to go but she was trying to be nice it turns out she has a boyfriend (and they're pretty private with their relationship) and she was sort of waiting for him to officially ask her, but he hasnt yet and she ended up saying yes to be nice, but i would [i]much[/i] rather her just say no i guess im gonna have to tell her that
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35306067]aah, i asked a girl to prom today and she obviously didnt want to go but she was trying to be nice it turns out she has a boyfriend (and they're pretty private with their relationship) and she was sort of waiting for him to officially ask her, but he hasnt yet and she ended up saying yes to be nice, but i would [i]much[/i] rather her just say no i guess im gonna have to tell her that[/QUOTE] hope you dont get yanked into some drama shitstorm by a jelly boyfriend.
no not at all, they are both the nicest people I know it was just really awkward
So i wanna ask this girl out but i rarely see her in school but we are chill friends and all. I want to ask her out in person but is asking over facebook still acceptable?
If you have her number, do it over the phone. I'm sure you'll see her round soon enough.
[QUOTE=redBadger;35306678]So i wanna ask this girl out but i rarely see her in school but we are chill friends and all. I want to ask her out in person but is asking over facebook still acceptable?[/QUOTE] Do it in person. If you can't find her, call her.
And if i do not have her number?
tricky question. some people might be okay with it, others might not.
[QUOTE=redBadger;35306678]I want to ask her out in person but is asking over facebook still acceptable?[/QUOTE] if you're used to talking to this girl on facebook as a normal, friendly thing then i say there is no harm in saying "hey wanna grab a drink some time?" on facebook chat actually, doing it on facebook chat might make it seem really laid-back which can be a pretty good thing. you don't wanna look weird by waiting weeks and weeks just to ask her out or by asking for her number just so that you can ring her to ask her out
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