The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v3 - February
10,002 replies, posted
or treat her like a 14 year-old and take her shit away that the probably paid for anyway
[editline]28th March 2012[/editline]
also, uh, you're officially posting in both LA threads, at least one of which you were banned from, Godline.
Come at me lil nooblett see you @ lan.
Pascall id just keep doing w/e it is your doing setting an example / comparison. If your parents have any ounce of sense it will kick in eventually that its not right even though they are putting up with it (probably already realise this) Hell they could just be ignorant to it, if its been going on a while ride the storm it will blow over eventually (they will snap)
have you tried talking her and telling her that it upsets you to see her not help out?
I've tried many times. She just ends up copping an attitude with me and I'm not one for confrontation.
In fact, her and my mom just had a fight about the dishes. The dishes, for god sake. And when you get the two of them fighting, they start yelling at each other. I ended up washing them all. My mom told my sister to help but I don't bother allowing her to. She takes an easy task like washing the dishes, which I can do in five minutes, into something long and arduous which takes an hour.
So I just stayed silent. We rarely fight as a family but when we do, shit gets loud. And I hate it. Because it's never me who's yelling. Just my mom and my sister. And it gets on my nerves that they put so much substance into something so simple as [I]washing dishes.[/I]
You and your dad should take a weekend away have a break and let them two thrash it out.
I've thought about something like that.
But I think they might kill each other.
i thought the younger siblings were the ones that got all the attention and parental comfort?
[QUOTE=Pascall;35336002]I've thought about something like that.
But I think they might kill each other.[/QUOTE]
Which is why you take a weekend off not a week. If it is going pear shaped you will be back in time to restore. Although I seriously doubt that would happen in all likely hood your mom will probably have a "heart to heart" and just tell her straight in private. Besides college is almost over for the year right? (Or is it just uni for us I got like less than a month left) Give your dad a nudge to book some time off work.
from what i understand, you seem to just try and "solve" her problems for her, since its easier for you to just do it
but what's the good in that? she knows that she can get away with doing nothing, because besides the sporadic fights, there will never be any real need to get off her ass and work
instead of passive-aggressively doing her chores for her, how about just let things get worse until she wakes up
I got the comfort but she's always had all the attention.
You know how it goes. Shy little girl who is different and would rather read books than go out and play in the playground. That stereotype was me. She was always the athletic one. All eyes on her all the time. We were both spoiled growing up but I think she got the better end of it.
Well.. I say 'better', but it's not really helping her now.
I don't make enough money to be independent from my parents, but as soon as I do, I'll leave just to spare them the expense. My bank account was never tied to theirs like my sister's was so I never got as much money from them as she did.
I don't like being here though. Not because of my parents, but just because I feel like a burden now, no matter what I do. I do more cleaning than my sister does but because of that, my parents expectations for me are higher and so they get upset at me more easily than her because they're always EXPECTING her to mess up or not do something.
It's not fair by any means but idk.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;35332603]One of these days I'll be walking by the coffee shop with an umbrella, just as she gets off work. She'll say, "why do you have an umbrella? It's not even raining." I'll reply, "You might laugh at my umbrella now, but if it does ever rain, then who'll have the power?"
She'll say, "You're charming and hilarious and also you have nice teeth and hair. My boyfriend is dumb and ugly by comparison."
I'll say, "Certainly. Let's go to my apartment and make love by the fire."
She'll swoon and say, "I've never done it by a fireplace before."
And I'll say, "fireplace?"
It will be great.[/QUOTE]
You sir are a funny man.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35336088]from what i understand, you seem to just try and "solve" her problems for her, since its easier for you to just do it
but what's the good in that? she knows that she can get away with doing nothing, because besides the sporadic fights, there will never be any real need to get off her ass and work
instead of passive-aggressively doing her chores for her, how about just let things get worse until she wakes up[/QUOTE]
I can't do that. I wish I could but I can't. I'm a clean person. If I see that there are dishes, I'll do them just to ease my own mind.
I don't ever touch her room though. No force on earth could make me want to clean that.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35336088]from what i understand, you seem to just try and "solve" her problems for her, since its easier for you to just do it
but what's the good in that? she knows that she can get away with doing nothing, because besides the sporadic fights, there will never be any real need to get off her ass and work
instead of passive-aggressively doing her chores for her, how about just let things get worse until she wakes up[/QUOTE]
because that conflicts with pascall's need for cleanliness.
but yeah, she needs to either sink or swim. she's not gonna amount to anything in life unless she learns how to take care of herself.
[editline]28th March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Pascall;35336096]
I don't like being here though. Not because of my parents, but just because I feel like a burden now, no matter what I do.[/QUOTE]
yeah that's the pain of wanting to be independent. you just have to be patient.
[QUOTE=Pascall;35336105]I can't do that. I wish I could but I can't. I'm a clean person. If I see that there are dishes, I'll do them just to ease my own mind.
I don't ever touch her room though. No force on earth could make me want to clean that.[/QUOTE]
alternatively you could treat her like she's four years old and do literally everything for her to make her feel worthless
"oh baby don't worry i'll make that chili for you, just go sit down darling, this is a little dangerous for you"
I'm a senior in high school. Recently I have been hanging out with this woman, also a senior, during our lunch period. The two of us get in her car and she drives us around for 10 minutes, just to get out of school for a little while and enjoy the outside world. During the drive and over the course of the 45-minute lunch block we talk about random stuff. It is a weird relationship we have because we did the same thing for the first half of our junior year until I got angry at her for something she did and we drifted apart. I know that I didn't treat her fairly during that time, and in the time we've talked since then she claims that she was mean to me as well.
But back on topic, today we were walking to the cafeteria after the drive and she brings up the subject of prom and how "James if forcing [her] to go, unfortunately." James is this deadbeat asshole who she is friends with, who is also friends with my ex-girlfriend whom I hate. I told her "I take it that he asked you to go with him, then?" to which she replied "Well, we have something of an agreement," followed by the non-sequitur "He's my go-to girlfriend."
While a relationship is the last thing I would expect from her, I was thinking about asking her to the prom with me. Her bringing this topic up on her own leaves some options open for me.
1. She brought up the prom and told me about this other guy because she thought that I was going to ask her to it at some point and didn't want to endure the painful process of telling me no.
2. She brought up the prom and told me about this other guy because, since he never actually asked her, she wants me to ask her so she doesn't have to go with him.
3. She brought up the prom and told me about this other guy because she legitimately doesn't want to go and just wanted to vent about it a little bit.
I think options 1 & 2 are the most likely. I'm thinking of letting this topic go tomorrow and asking her about it Friday, but I feel like some input from other people [i]may[/i] help me come to a better conclusion. Does anyone who has been in a similar situation before have any suggestions for the course of action I should take?
[QUOTE=Godline;35335650]Come at me lil nooblett see you @ lan.
Pascall id just keep doing w/e it is your doing setting an example / comparison. If your parents have any ounce of sense it will kick in eventually that its not right even though they are putting up with it (probably already realise this) Hell they could just be ignorant to it, if its been going on a while ride the storm it will blow over eventually (they will snap)[/QUOTE]
"This has gone on for about nine years"
"Just keep going Pascall, things are BOUND to change any minute now"
Bring some dusters to school if you plan on asking her to the formal. That other guy could be a lunatic. You have nothing to lose, ask her on a sociable level and if she says yes great if no its her loss / funeral.
[QUOTE=kidwithsword;35336315]I'm a senior in high school. Recently I have been hanging out with this woman, also a senior, during our lunch period. The two of us get in her car and she drives us around for 10 minutes, just to get out of school for a little while and enjoy the outside world. During the drive and over the course of the 45-minute lunch block we talk about random stuff. It is a weird relationship we have because we did the same thing for the first half of our junior year until I got angry at her for something she did and we drifted apart. I know that I didn't treat her fairly during that time, and in the time we've talked since then she claims that she was mean to me as well.
But back on topic, today we were walking to the cafeteria after the drive and she brings up the subject of prom and how "James if forcing [her] to go, unfortunately." James is this deadbeat asshole who she is friends with, who is also friends with my ex-girlfriend whom I hate. I told her "I take it that he asked you to go with him, then?" to which she replied "Well, we have something of an agreement," followed by the non-sequitur "He's my go-to girlfriend."
While a relationship is the last thing I would expect from her, I was thinking about asking her to the prom with me. Her bringing this topic up on her own leaves some options open for me.
1. She brought up the prom and told me about this other guy because she thought that I was going to ask her to it at some point and didn't want to endure the painful process of telling me no.
2. She brought up the prom and told me about this other guy because, since he never actually asked her, she wants me to ask her so she doesn't have to go with him.
3. She brought up the prom and told me about this other guy because she legitimately doesn't want to go and just wanted to vent about it a little bit.
I think options 1 & 2 are the most likely. I'm thinking of letting this topic go tomorrow and asking her about it Friday, but I feel like some input from other people [i]may[/i] help me come to a better conclusion. Does anyone who has been in a similar situation before have any suggestions for the course of action I should take?[/QUOTE]
you're overanalyzing. the only way you'll ever know what she means is if you find out. ask if she'd rather go with you.
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;35336382]"This has gone on for about nine years"
"Just keep going Pascall, things are BOUND to change any minute now"[/QUOTE]
Good points but may I add that if its been going on for 9 years it started when her sister was 13. If it were my run of the house I wouldnt expect any kids to start taking "chores" seriously post 16. So the time span of 6 years lets say is a considerable amount of time but has the sister been away to college and developed these habbits? That knocks it to what 21, I dont know am I just looking for excuses for the parents?
pascall, instead of telling us how much you hate your situation (which you are somehow in no way responsible for, and have no way to solve it except wait), how about you do something about it and make a difference in your life?
[editline]28th March 2012[/editline]
right now youre sort of just blaming your problems on the universe dealing you a shitty hand
Isn't that what Pascall always does anyway?
[QUOTE=Godline;35336436]Good points but may I add that if its been going on for 9 years it started when her sister was 13. If it were my run of the house I wouldnt expect any kids to start taking "chores" seriously post 16. So the time span of 6 years lets say is a considerable amount of time but has the sister been away to college and developed these habbits? That knocks it to what 21, I dont know am I just looking for excuses for the parents?[/QUOTE]
As far as I can tell her sister has always lived at home, since it seems unrealistic that she would have gone and lived with other people while in college and developed chronic laziness from that experience. The opposite I would have thought. Plus Pascall mentioned that there's no on-campus accommodation where she's at.
I agree with you on the 16 thing I guess, but usually issues like this are brought up/pushed/resolved in families when the person in question turns 18 or so, since that's considered a time when you're pretty well developed and more independent and can start living in the family house as if you're just living there with people, rather than it being like a hotel that you don't pay for.
So if she's 22 and is still living the lifestyle of a 16 year old, it's pretty safe to assume it won't change without some serious boat-rocking.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;35336463]pascall, instead of telling us how much you hate your situation (which you are somehow in no way responsible for, and have no way to solve it except wait), how about you do something about it and make a difference in your life?
[editline]28th March 2012[/editline]
right now youre sort of just blaming your problems on the universe dealing you a shitty hand[/QUOTE]
I'm not blaming my problems on anything. And don't you think I'd do something if I knew a possible fix that would actually work?
That's sort of why I posted it here.
[editline]28th March 2012[/editline]
If the only solution I have is to wait it out, then I will. I've been doing it for years, a few more won't hurt.
I just needed a place to vent is all.
welp when i came up with a solution you just gave this lame excuse
[QUOTE=Pascall;35336105]I can't do that. I wish I could but I can't. I'm a clean person. If I see that there are dishes, I'll do them just to ease my own mind.
I don't ever touch her room though. No force on earth could make me want to clean that.[/QUOTE]
I fail to see how wanting to keep a clean house is a lame excuse. I have people who come over including work related people.
I don't want them seeing that I live in a trash heap.
the girl i was talking about earlier wants to get drunk and 'cuddle' with me. fuck yea
[QUOTE=Pascall;35335966]I've tried many times. She just ends up copping an attitude with me and I'm not one for confrontation.
In fact, her and my mom just had a fight about the dishes. The dishes, for god sake. And when you get the two of them fighting, they start yelling at each other. I ended up washing them all. My mom told my sister to help but I don't bother allowing her to. She takes an easy task like washing the dishes, which I can do in five minutes, into something long and arduous which takes an hour.
So I just stayed silent. We rarely fight as a family but when we do, shit gets loud. And I hate it. Because it's never me who's yelling. Just my mom and my sister. And it gets on my nerves that they put so much substance into something so simple as [I]washing dishes.[/I][/QUOTE]
jesus christ, this sounds exactly like my family, word for word.
my sister doesn't do ANYTHING. she doesn't do dishes, she sits at the dinner table until someone gets up to start cleaning up, then just goes play xbox. her room is a disaster. there are shoes everywhere throughout the house. and she denies responsibility for EVERYTHING she does wrong. If I bitch at her because she starts annoying me by throwing socks or something stupid at me, she just goes "WELL THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER STARTED IF YOU HAD DONE THIS INSTEAD" blah blah blah. she completely defies our parents when they say "no pets" and she already has a frog, a hamster and god knows how many fish (keep in mind she's trying to afford a private university at the same time.)
I feel like the only level-headed person in this house.
I know you guys are skeptical of this, but I have a problem with a phobia of people and social stuff. Usually I can talk myself over it and go and do stuff with friends or just by myself, but lately it's started getting really overwhelming and I know the cause. University. I just started this year and I'm not adjusting as well as I hoped and I don't know anyone, and I'm not the best at making new friends/meeting people.
I'm looking to join a club or something and I've got in touch with some of the help services the uni provides, but is there anything else I could do to get over this because it's starting to frustrate me and I get too nervous to go to classes sometimes.
I'm gay. I've known that I have been gay for a very long time.
I came out a few months ago, to my parents and my friends. My parents didn't accept it, but my friends accepted it fully and all treated me normally.
Last week, I told one of my best friends (who is straight) that I was in love with him. I'm still not totally sure if I love him sexually, emotionally, or just as a friend. He knows that I was attracted to him, but I'm not sure if he was in love with me.
He accepted it, even still. Despite all this, we're still best friends and we act like nothing ever happened. There isn't even any awkwardness or anything.
However, despite his reaction being the best one I could have possibly had, I still feel sad.
k, HALP.
Long story short.
Girl was dating one of my friends a year ago, we used to all hang out, could tell she started becoming attracted to me. They broke up last summer, we started hanging out/talking, she was interested but still hurt so I gave her distance. Then we just stopped talking out of nowhere, I think she did something to piss me off, I forgot. Fast forward, it's January, we start talking again and we declare it as 'friends' from the start, I had no feelings for her at this moment, but we've been hanging a lot since then and I've fallen for her. She's aware of this, we both remain as friends, she told me that I make her extremely happy and that she loves me, but I still get somewhat rejected. Fast forward to last Saturday, I took her to a show, plan on staying at her place after w/ me on couch, we get to her place, get a bit buzzed off some alcohol (note: NOT drunk) and end up sleeping together(not sex, but not just cuddling). I'm so mentally confused right now. We're essentially best friends but we know there is something unspoken between us that for some reason keeps coming back up.
I'm so confused right now, it's got me pretty fucked up as pathetic as it sounds. I can't sleep well and have lost my appetite.
p.s. I pretty much love this girl unconditionally, we get along perfectly, have the same interests, can talk about anything for hours. It's never a dull moment with her. I don't let her step on me, I'm not exactly 'friend-zoned' but partially am if that makes any sense. I don't dedicate myself to her and make a fool of myself; I talk to other girls, make other plans, etc.
p.p.s she is pretty much the female version of me.
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